The only reason
I'm disappointed depressed disoriented

I had expectations
They let me down

Disappointed in what everyone thinks they do better
Disappointed to think I'm any different

Depressed at human nature
Depressed that I try and do no better

Disoriented because what's real is a dream

We stay asleep not because we can't see
But because we can't believe what we see

So row slow down the river of eyes closed

For when i lose expectations
I expect I'll find hope

We aren't friends
We're just cool

Theres no reason i can't give kindness
And dismiss you like I'm mindless

I don't mind it's
Just something

I do to make me feel a little better about living
Through my anxiety and pain

Anxieties and pains
Crush girlfriend wife migraines

Eating disorders
So now i eat junk because it rots my brain

Maybe it's insane
Maybe i don't feel like myself when i express these thangs

These rack my brain while i rack these weights

**** now im going to be late
That's another 15 that i wont be paid

Now i have to look at my supervisor say
This is why you won't get a raise
At same time another mans chick is on my brain
I just want to see her taint
No not that one
That **** stank

In the meantime im ******* with a chick that's twice my age

And another with 6 kids to date
**** I'm in a pickle
Few can relate

This is the **** that I hate

With my third eye strife
This is my life
And when i dig my grave its gonna to be very nice

With my cake
And my bed
Made it
Laid it
And ate every slice

If i do right
Can i just say that I'm kind
My egos bind
Why am i lyin

This is why i Write
Its not for you this time

Seems like yesterday
That i saw that look in your eye and nevermind
Almost empty non empathetic
A little psychopathy

Seems like yesterday
I held your waist
Coke bottle thin just the right proportion


Seems like yesterday
I yearned to know the ferling of your lips
You on the physical plane
The one on top
****** physical thangs

Seems like
Well it doesn't seem to me
I have yet to know you
The you now
The you in 20 years
That'll seem like yesterday


For now my senses betray me
Because i want tomorrow to be today
So i can dream of yesterday

Smile when we initiate
Sensual *** play
Cry on your wedding day
Scream the baby is on the way

And weep the day of mourning
So in the morning i can ache
And remember
All the little everything
That seems

Like it was yesterday

Before I start this

Thank you,

I used to be so helpful

I need to call my momma

I think I need a girlfriend

Time to talk to papa

I used be so different

Now I know the problem

Maybe I should love her

But where's the issue

Maybe I should bleed

But I am not a cutter

I love the pleasure sensation

But not the feeling of slicing my skin like butter

On a summer day

A wonderful day

Through my skin with an iron dagger like a tragic story

I need to get my ****

All together probably

I need to stop my procrastination

Well maybe I'll start tomorrow

Where are all my virtues

Behind the sins I follow

This is not the issue even the though rhe consequence follows in sequential order
Bordered on my persons if the action do more than my conciousness can fathom i shall falter with this ******* world

That's why papa said my **** is int he dirt

But I do not like cabbage

Maybe a couch potatoe

why does it even matter

Before you go to the next step

Please read the disclaimer

In this day and age of digital things

I got everything I really should need????

We leave things up to interpretation
Welcome to the hurtful nation
We give incentive to be alive
Open words to be despised
If you feel free to some advice
Listeners discretion is advised

We're a product if a product
And what the product brought us
Some are lost ones
Some are far from what has really cost some

Dangerous meanings make dangerous species
And what is between us is meaning
Still left to interpretation

Feel free to express
Whatever comes next
But just like a text
We're left to interpret its purpose
So clairty is barely applied
But fairly i should say
It's spread like butter

Because when its left to interpretation
We dont really know one another

Maybe im not the medicine you need

Here it goes

She is suppose to be easy on the eyes

And now overstimulated i can't believe the witness statements

This is boring to me

So she has to learn how to douse it down

Or be herself

But what she

Whats the issue

She has a bigger problem than her breast size

Even though its easy on the eyes

But now im over stimulated

This is just another situation

She's suppose to make me more conscious?

Note it's more self conscious to the obvious

I still dont see what the problem is

She knows its obvious

But now I'm overstimulated

Here on the west side
Crime does pay
And doing no crime
Still pays crime

Here on thr west side
We live by one rule
Grind
Not survive
Because we are modern America

Here on the west side
People appreciate free
And will abuse you for it


Here in the west side
Sympathy is a victim tactic
No longer used for genuine purposes
Except for genuinely getting ahead

Here on the west side
We die by one rule
But that rule doesn't exist
Because everyone dies

Here on the west side

Perfection is a virus
You have to survive it
Flaw by any variant
whoever  makes it apparent
Misery loves company
Sorta like an infection

Oh boy oh boy
Are you listening now
When I was young and misunderstood I made my vow
When I got older and grew bolder
I became a clown
And as things headed south
Well they are still headed south
Im just old enough to know better
Whatever better is
And still young enough to not really know what to do right now

They say love is many things
And you can love three times
They say its a chemical reaction
Then after that it takes time
I dont think I've loved like that before
So i don't mind

I've been hurt by my past infatuations  
I'm human
So there's a hole in my heart where that part use to be

And i know there's a hole in your heart that's filled with the very part of me

I don't mind this thang
I dont mind it at all
For anything to bare it's fangs
We all just get older

Growing pains...

I've tasted black coal

For the first time ever

What a bitter taste

Dry grainy texture

Water makes it worse

I couldnt finish the first lump

Oh how weak i am

My parents made it seem so good

Smile of their faces

Black of demons on their teeth

Its only now i realized

The plain rice

And warm milk

Was a gourmet meal in comparison

They protected me

And i appreciate the weakness I endured through the love of my parent

But for my childs sake

They will taste coal the very first day

Diamonds are forever
Because they're carbon
And we're carbon

She wants to last forever
But she's going on 37

Honey I feel your pain
as my strength will wax and wane

That's why diamonds last forever
Because they're carbon
Heated carbon

She wants to smile forever
But today she's sad as ever

That's why diamonds are forever
Because they're carbon
Under pressure

Darling close your eyes
And smile one more time

And honey I feel your pain
As my joints begin to pain

That's why diamonds are forever
Because they're hardened

She just wants to remain beautiful
But that's a shallow pool to swim

And honey I feel your pain
As my love brings sorrow again

That's why diamonds are forever
Because they're diamonds
And we're diamonds

She just wants to learn
And that's no one else's concern

And honey I feel your pain 
As I stitch my scars again

And that's why diamonds are forever
Because they're diamonds
And we're


She just wants to take her time
And not be crowded by the lies

And honey I feel your pain
But I don't want to waste my time aga in

And that's why diamonds are forever
Because they're diamonds
And we're dying

To know

To know hate
You have to love first
Or understand the experience from a relativistic point of view
Eww

To know love
You have to open the word up and not judge
Even though I wouldn't call that true love

To know happiness
You have to experience sadness, anger, and all the above

To miss something you have to either be aiming or have a target in mind or have it and lose it over some period of time

To know
Is hard to define
Because you need know the opposite

The problem is we tend to forget what knowing accomplishes

What knowing what the real problem is

If knowing is the problem them
Should you reconsider experiencing from the start again

Believing you have a choice in the matter
Knowing what your value is

And even to know that
You have to experience
The thing that makes you know

Consciousness

What's going on?
I am questioning happiness
Not mine of course
It wanes and changes from time to time

I'm questioning everyone else's 
It just seems
Like when you tune in to the world
Everyone else is
Tuned off
Flick
Light switch

No one wants to be here
Here
Not now
Here

What's going on

I am questioning love
Not mine of course
I neither love more or less than the words to describe the feeling itself

I'm questioning everyone else's
Is it just dopamine
A temporary high
Or something that can be taken the wrong way
As many are

No one wants to love
They just want to be in love
Not love
In love


What's really going on?

Doctor doctor
I need some therapy
It has been hell for me

I'm still here
Counting my blessings
Hoping they rescue me

Where do I go from here
Am I less of me

Doctor say something
Please just talk to me

You need help and I'll help you

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
I feel like a pawn
I want to be a king piece

The problem I have
Is someone is still playing me
Folding me at every crease

How many steps do I go
Let my soul rest at ease

How did I end up here
Standing or on my knees

I see that you have a problem

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
This is session three
I don't feel any better

Every problem I fix
One just cones around the corner
I don't know why the pester

How am I getting by
I feel like this is a letter

One eye open one eye closed
Now this seems like a jester
Am I trapped in a closet
With a jacket or sweater
And it keeps getting hotter
Regardless of temperature or weather
I know this is a rant I am going off tangent
But this word we call pain i cannot even imagine

- silence breaks in the room -

1 second
2 seconds
3 seconds

The doctor smiles stands up and walks to the door and opens it.

I see that you know the problem

Time for some therapy

Nothing is stable
Because I'm use to instability
This ground is not fertile
So get use to infertility
I might be able
And not have the ability
Everyone one needs saving
But there isn't a savior
Through many of labors
We try to find loyalty
Which is funny because
We're all used to enemies
Nothing is labelled
Its all under the table
Nothing has flavor
But it still taste good to me
You want to love like you're dying
With no time to wait
And all hearts at stake
Die like you're living
Forget all the hearts you break
When I'm tired I seem to be the most calm
When I'm stressed I feel relaxed when I'm anxious I keep on waiting
For my paranoia to detach
I tend to want to get high
But I embrace the night
Like an introvert I'm in my mind like I wear its design and material things are measured in time and all the time I seem to whine
Just to be extra ordinary
Lord I'm wary
I wonder what's going to happen next weekend

Between information and entertainment
While I practice my own divination
From criticism and determination
I find that I'm deteroatinng
Before all my summer leaves turn red
And fall to hit the ground so dead
I practice every page I read
Recitie it a million times in head
Then deep in my globes core if woes
Where more than the hottest magma flows
My thoughts turn to plasma
I cannot stop the phantoms bantar
So if I super solider
The serum imperium
I shall shake the frustrate if the open hand you take
Supported?

Chances are you've met your soul mate already
But if your soul's corrupted
Your unproductive
And you have to wait your turn
When your new soul is ready
You be met your soul's mate again
But maybe they've corrupted
But corruptives soul like the one that you used to be
So usually
That soul corrupts you
And unadjusted you
Until you see met your soul's mate again
3 times its been
4 times it will be
How many times until
The souls are in harmony


The law of attraction
Past lovers
Future friends
Wether it be mental
Spiritual
Emotional
Or physical
This attraction exist
And persist
In spite of loyalty

Face the fact that I could attract and be attract while keeping intact that if rather know you
Then not
Care for you
Then hate you
Or think indifferent
But this meaning is different if its differently expressed I digress




Can men and women be friends?

Walk with me on this journey
You'll soon understand so hurry
Back before the first leaf fallen
I was a summer bee
That's had found its pollen

Mentally I had nothing
My heart told  me these instructions


Hold up prove yourself
First off introduce yourself
During this be yourself
Show your mental wealth
Make her feel
Special, unique, funny, and relaxed
Don't step to forward or she might step back
Squire conversation and really get to know her
And listen she might tell you every secret
Make sure you can keep it
Get to know her
Hurry before her
Time is spent elsewhere
Think about her when she's not there
Pray or her safety out there


Don't manipulate just to get close
Don't make it feel forced
Like most folks
Those folks
Who aren't you right now
Let's be realistic
Your a seven to her ten
Hopefully you can talk and make it even
And between then
Show some emotion

Let time go by
That very special thing
Because s
Flowers take time to bloom in the spring
Let her be the queen
And that you know and she knows
That she is something special

And that's before she loves
Maybe even likes you
But you're not something this is about
Just simple instructions with obstructions if you don't know how to love her

I had s nightmare
That I changed the
It helped every generation
Boys and girls
I had a dream
That everything was the same
It didn't really change any perspective anyway
I had a nightmare
That we were standing right screaming Revolution resolution and restitution
I had a dream that I lived in America twin condo and ciroc with a girl named Eric
I had a nightmare
Everyone was happy
We all would fight
For the world and what happened
I had a dream that I was a black activist
Dying for the truth and my truth only is what mattered then
I had a nightmare that I spared the differences of unity and freedom and how equality isn't fair because we are equally different from where we're from
I woke up
Frustrated
Upset
Joyous
Happy
Contant
Realized what I had
Past present future
And now I make decisions
Because I'm only getting older
And its all just controversy
Trying to hurt me

You make me not want anything
Anything including you
Excluding me
To be myself
I've been distracted
To blend in
Seems I've been different for too long
Your way seems to late
No matter what you say
I will falter
I will fight
I will accept
Understand
But I will fight
I guess it's multifascet
Wether its a good or bad habit
Regardless what does happen
I will take change from this transaction
The marginal effort differs great
By the span of perspective
I respectively say
******* *****

The problem is
You prayed for me
And I didn't in fact
Pray for you
A gift and a curse
The problem is
I wished for new
The problem is
I didn't pray for you
This wouldn't be the same
 I'm only every counting
The wrong steps I take
With you
We fell in love
The chains of an unfamiliar master
Does it matter<
I wouldn't count on it
A thousand times
A million times
No matter the number
This won't change at all
Even though its similar
Its not the same
Because you prayed for me
I didn't pray for you

Every now and then
I'm convinced to move a pen
Under the world pressure
It can be my pleasure
To see the highs and lows
While my shoulders hang low
Under the world pressure
This is your first lesson
A read and not replied message
We all hate it
Debating if we could but we can't fake it
Mistake it
miss take it for something other than
Unacknowledgment
Appropriate neglect read message sent
Wait suspense
1 minute 2
2 minutes till
An hour pass by and no reply still
A world pressure all alone you don't notice
Keep the scale heavy with the world upon my shoulders
World pressure
Here's another lesson
Life doesn't mean to be mean
But exceeding the median in any direction makes it return to the mean
Meaning too much of something good is too much of something bad
So too much is too much it's that simple
Plain to plan
Just as I was moving and got hired
If I don't pass I'll abruptly be fired
Because I possess no piece of paper
Please relieve the player
Relief bequeathed a favor
Now no more to savor
Give a dog a bone
Then leave the dog alone
Walk down the summer block
Not awaiting a thunder shock
Just as your alone it rains a summer song
Gravity not tragedy the melody I play along
It's just world pressure

Objectify
Subjectify
Bite my neck
Warm my body with yours
This isn't the birds and bees
This is crows and wasps
She wants me to pull her hair
Arch your back
Let the shiver crawl up your spine
Open your eyes
Put your nails in my back
Make me bleed
Make me bleed
Kiss me recklessly
****** pump
Put her on the wal just like she likes
**** the breast
Feel the heat
Bite the ****** till her feet curl
You don't even know the things I would do
Convince me it's wrong just at the right time
Tame the beast
Let him free
Bring me back
Take control
Leave your marks
Tattoo my back
Blood scabs and nails
Those aren't bruises
That's me mark
Don't forget
The scream you had
The moan in the corner
Choke me
Choke her grasp your Hands
Don't run away
Every single mark you make
Isn't love
It a just rough
The blood you drew and the marks I mad
The anger and delight the relief that pleasures me
And to you
We take it down
Till we both fall apart
And in the morning
Let it rain
Don't let the bee's buzz
And the birds chirp
I want to you to wake with a sore throat
And I a sore back
Sing to me
Your raspy screams
Because I prefer wasps and crows
then the birds and bee's

She just wants to be fancy
Uneducated fancy
Frozen fancy
Teach her till the dawn what it means
What don't we all learn something
Formless fancy women
You don't know one **** thang
Except for how to be fancy
Electric spider across your back
Little hour glass
I bet you can tell the time
Stand right next to me
Trust that you don't know a thang
Why aren't we all fed up
With the type of fancy you portray
Open up your mind
She don't know one **** thang
Except for how to be fancy
And the image won't go away
Eyes,lips, ears, and nose
Every curve memorized
Take your time and she'll take you away
She aint nothing but fancy
And that's the only thing that matters
So give her what she wants and wa it
She'll let's you taste her fancy ways

No no no no
Where did you go
No no no no
I don't remember how I lost you
Now watch it workout
As I block the world out
I know these words aren't contained quite often
It seems the reply time is killing you
Coffin
I can wait while my shell cracks
Soften
I've gone past mad sad and distraught
I have to push it to the side like I just forgot
So walk toward the valley
 the way left
Was like premeditated ******
Less than unheard of
And I don't mind
The border of struggle
Electrical barbed wire
Low tier
A king in the slums
What's a king among bums
A common misconception
Within a skeptical selection
Women are
Seminar
Relax and take a seat
Men are
Rent a car
Come follow fleet
demonize
No no no
No no no no no


Behold
I am the low tier king of the mud

Seasonal characters
Putting up barriers
Dissmis the modest focal point
Of whoever is in you area
Partial thoughts of you pass by
What inquires you to be a variable
Are you moving forward
Are you walking blind
I just worry but don't worry seasonal character
Because at the end of the day
You mean nothing at all
Like a lost kind of doll
That I might see again
And again your gone
I respect that
Or do I mean nothing at all
Just remeber December is a cold season
Just remember I'll open the door if you knock
And when you leave
You will leave my thought
Because it means nothing at all

So long

It seems hard

But not concequential

To understand but still neglect the inner meaning

I've been meaning to look at you and understand a man

Mixed signals and arguments

Sacrasm and bombardments

Is all it gets

And I'm sure we have our differences

But I'm tired of it

Their is a void in myself

Where the desolate roam

And more seem to go

Underhanded it may seem but it seems to me

That this won't be fixed

I feel like it's the only way we communicate

My opinions spark the outrages

Now this feeling I'm gauging

Seems Amiss

There is rouble afoot

And the footstep I can't follow

Won't follow

Seems out of place

I guess even a parent is a person

And it's not the worst version

Of revaluations

Can't we relate the more in realize it's a debate

I'm trying

But im done trying

Let it repeat

Take me back
I wanna go back
Let's go back
To that one place that's one in a million

Take me back
I wanna go back
Take me there
You know where
Take me to that one place my childhood is missing

Yeah I'm missing the 90s

I'm tired
It's to early
How exhilarating
Get up get moving
Get exonerated of past jury's
Long worries
Till death I'm  exasperating
Extravagantly emulating
This feeling
Feels like
It doesn't come with emotion
Not cold
No hurry
Not warm
Don't scurry
I will not promise that the murky waters ahead
Won't let you tread
Till you crystallize dead
Then evaporate while your mind is sleep
And your subconscious soaks the memory cup effervescent
Then will you know that
You will not come back
Escape the elasticity
With electric scissors
And that's more then needed
But it's this route you go
Because the Harder you learn the more you will grow
It's too bad this whole time you weren't sleeping
It's time for work

I always wanted to fit in
Never to be to different
I'd be a lion among black sheep
Wanting to be a sheep
Not surrounded but hidden
Only to miss it
Every second in minutes before the hour
And now in a garden once so green
I miss my flowers

Now there's smog it seems
I just want to vent
Be a little bit of weak
And let my ideas spread
While someone else is light years ahead
Just let it be in the sea
Still on the surface to be more than grounded

Beat or let me be
As free as a bee
Sun or sleet
No one comes
All there to see
Can I get a witness
Is it less than free
What's less than free

Nothing is all I be
Something is what I seek
To find the me
Hidden within the me
But fail to like this

I'm over the identity crisis
I can see what I see
But I can't hear
Not one peep


Man I miss the flowers

his is the time
Where smiles are worth a thousand memories
And tears are worth a thousand emotions
This is the time
Where
Everything must return to the mean

It's like there is something weighing me down
Right in the middle
That thing that doesn't exist
That thing heavier than gravity
It's like you don't know
What all of this means

I don't know what to do
But I have to move
I just have to

So I'll keep calm
Until
The other few
Do as I do

Call me crazy

But I lie alot

Even when qips and quoted urge the truth

The truth shall set you free

So I should assume lies keep you locked

I just can't stand hurting people a lot

Call me weak or whatever you will

I can keep a secret or a promise if you will

Disagree that's your decision

I just can't give my loved ones a true depiction

Family problems

What a troublesome bunch

So I lie to keep the peace

Because it's gotten worse

Since the truth has been out

I can take it they scream and shout

Friends are just as bad

Because family is forever and friends my never last

So how to keep it dear like the beginning of a letter

I sweat in summer wearing a winter sweater

So I will always be sweating

To tell the truth

Or to lie to you

It's like walking into hell from a war zone
Reality just to escape the "comfort" of your own home

It's actually not that bad

But not that good

Because I've noticed that being difficult is not my style

But I can't conform to everyone

Lose control to brash decision that aren't my own

So I lie

Yes I lie

Why I lie

Because like this sweater

It makes me feel better

To not hear the bickering

To not keep a secret

To not care when caring

To lie and make you feel better

To stay in the back

I'm interested in that

Because if I get involved

Then I'll be free

And freedom has its price    

Pay it that's your choice

But it won't be mine

Not this time

Because I'm tired of it

So call me crazy

But

Sigh



This is why I lie

Its only When you decide to pick a side that you have to  prepare to be the bad

For its no longer what's right or wrong it's to you who feels justified

Because at opposite ends you  can flip a coin but you will never land on the third side

Which is the ending you what but like an endless ocean you will never land

And for all that's lost what is really taken
Is really only  time

Because time takes the love and hate and kills the past we left behind 

Time is the number 1 killer

So take you time

answer all the questions just to  be asked some more

Is to learn that whatever will be will be

But then we ask some more

I may never know

The answer to this simple mystery

What a conundrum

Their is nothing wrong with anyone

And something wrong with everybody

Like what is blind to a man that can hear color

We can be subjected to all five senses

And still miss the color he hears

Grant the gift of sight to the man so blind
And like a child the grows into the world

And forms an adult

The man realizes

He was better blind

Because now he can see

Without his ears

what pity

The man wished to be in a nutshell

And to his dismay

His wish was graneed

Like the child

who wished for adulthood

On my path of self discovery
I've discovered that I must destroy myself
To become what is new
Wether it be by brick
Or an explosive tick
For I walk on goals
Full of holes
Deeper and steeper the steps will take
But now in lay stagnant
Something never wanted
It concerns me that I'm an open book
With a summary and title
Chapters of many
But the contents of my pages
Well there aren't any
On the verge of relaxing in stress
At the place where negativity surrounds me and positivity smothers me to death
I fear the mirror I look in will appear blank
For I know what I am
But not who I am
At the point I discover I'm destroyed
Maybe it'll make sense when I look in the mirror

What a joke

They call it

Growing up

I have no intention on coming back to this grave a dug for myself
Because of myself all the chemical components of stress I endure

Oh woe is me
Hw I long to be alone
And yet I find myself showing my outer face
Some would say a ****** mask
Regardless I share it with everyone around me
Oh woe is me how I envy the happiness I don't won't
But stray from the silence I desperately crave

What we fight for
Is what they feed off of
We are the enemies closest to us
And that's why I dug the grave
That I walk away from every time attacking a new problem
That life brought back to me
And sprinkles it with irony

I mature only to realize lesson I learned burned me in past expression when I express my inner self because even with experience

They are really just all memories
Compact in an organic density
That will be like WiFi when I die

Let each touch the heart and spread like butter
For it will forever be a common story

I need not accomplish

What success may bring

I need not stay on a path ir stray off another

I need not love nor carry the hate

I need not art for anything but art

It is what it is

Simple and complex

But I need not fret

What will happen next

We all think we are special
And rightfully so
Because we are
but we all forget we are human
Those who only see we are human
Forget they are special
And rightfully so
Because we are

Somehow on the scale

We got to find the balance