In my entire life I had never noticed,
how much I mean to others.

I saw myself as a spec of dust,
hardly worth the oxygen I needed to survive.

But once I opened myself to the warm arms
of the many people who love me,
I knew who I was.

I made a list,
of all of you.

108 and counting,
of people who care.

When I posted about it,
so many of you said,
"I'm on there, right?"

Of course you are.
I wouldn't be who I am
without you.

So thank you,
all of you,
for helping me survive.

My strength lies with them

the people who make me feel at home

we are not a club

we are a family.

We stand strong

hold each other up

protect our own .

We thrive on the happiness

we give each other.

We are one

like the song from The Lion King 2

we sang together today

right before double run through.

I love you guys

and I'll never stop.

Thank you so much

for being my family.

I mean nothing to no one.
I take up the empty space of a shadow.
Lost
I am a natural occurrence.
Always there.
Something that just simply exists.
No real purpose.
Just to remind other's that they're there,
while I get walked all over
and taken away
by nothing more
than darkness.
I mean nothing to no one.
My friendship isn't valued.
My heart isn't treasured.
My opinions, shamed upon.
And people never stop to wonder,
*why I stay in the darkness they cast.

My lifeline is a boy who doesn't exist.
A made up dream thought up by a kid.
His dark hair the hills of soil for my flowers.
His gaze the river I could float in for hours.
His enchanting eyes the moon that shines in the dark.
His pink lips the shade of my Bleeding Hearts.
His freckles the ladybugs that land in the garden.
His smile the reflection of the sun on the pond.
His heart beat the rhythm of my feet as I run.
His voice the call of a summers day.
His back the tree I use to reach for the skies.
His hands the branches I use to climb.
His arms the fortress surrounding my fragility.
His chest the pillow where I weep.
His legs the wings that steer me home.
His mind the temple where I roam.
His heart the bed where I rest.
His "I love you" the one that knows me best.
My lifeline is a boy who doesn't exist.
A made up dream I thought up,*
*that's it.

"The simplest way to describe love is probably when you feel like, just being around them, you're at home.
You forget about everything else.
Everything fades away except their presence and your presence.
You give everything just to spend a minute with them.
You sacrifice sleep some nights just in case they need you at all.
You get a warm feeling inside of your chest whenever you hear their voice and when they're talking about something they're passionate about, you can't stop smiling and all your attention is on them.
They know all the right things to say and never fail to remind you that they exist and love you with every fiber of their being.
You never feel nervous around them, or get butterflies, nor does your heart beat out of control.
You're calm and relaxed."

throws shade*

breaks something*

It's just a ******* SHADE¿¡

I still get chills and waves of pain
When she writes and speaks your name.
But looking back,
Reading your words
And listening to recording you made,
I reminisce and smile,
Looking through pictures
Of our happy life together,
And don't feel afraid.
You loved me more than you ever had anyone else.
Forever in my heart,
And forever in my dreams,
I pray for angles to protect you,
Through the tears and screams.
You're all alone now,
Unable to find peace,
But know in your heart,
I will always be yours.
The day you promised,
We could name our first son Oliver.
The day you reminded me,
My initials would stay the same after we married.
The you first told me,
How much I meant.
The day you proved,
Our love was cement.
I keep you in my thoughts and dreams,
And maybe one day,
It won't end up as bad as it seems.

Love,
Mrs. VR *******br>

I still get chills and waves of pain
When she writes and speaks your name.
But looking back,
Reading your words
And listening to recording you made,
I reminisce and smile,
Looking through pictures
Of our happy life together,
And don't feel afraid.
You loved me more than you ever had anyone else.
Forever in my heart,
And forever in my dreams,
I pray for angles to protect you,
Through the tears and screams.
You're all alone now,
Unable to find peace,
But know in your heart,
I will always be yours.
The day you promised,
We could name our first son Oliver.
The day you reminded me,
My initials would stay the same after we married.
The day you first told me,
How much I meant.
The day you proved,
Our love was cement.
I keep you in my thoughts and dreams,
And maybe one day,
It won't end up as bad as it seems.

Love,
Mrs. VR *******br>

1.91667 years
23 months
99.9406 weeks
699.584 days
16790 hours
1,007,400 minutes
60,444,000 seconds

That's how long it's been since our first 'I love you'

"Fuckbuddy" does not apply when there is no intimate relationship between two people. But thanks for your input. Everyone feels a lot less stressed and irritated now that you're gone.

he touched me like i was fragile piece of glass
held me in his arms as if i would shatter if he let go
kissed my forehead so gentle it was as if his lips weren't even there
wiped away my tears like they were made of vapor
and spoke like he was telling me the most important secret in the whole world
"I love you"

Hey, cutie, it's been a while.
I listened, again, to those old voicemails you left.
I guess I'm still kinda in denial.
I just wish our secrets were better kept.
It's been six months since my tears flowed like the Nile.
Six months without you due to theft.
Of the secrets best held inside my heart,
this is by far the most important one:
I love you, Mark Schmidt. Even through this part.
This game being played can never be won,
for they think you didn't love me from the start.
But the truth is you always did through our the run
and the leap
and the fall
in too deep
to hear the call
of prayers before sleep
and I know through it all
I'll love you still.
I love you, Mark Schmidt.
I always will.
I knew since the day and still do, that piece you gave was the only one that could fit.

I don't feel here anymore.
It's as if as the seconds go by,
I'm disappearing.
Dissolving
into nothing.
And there isn't anything
I can do
to stop it.
I'm slipping
farther and
farther
away
from life,
and closer
and closer
to oblivion.

**I'm in too much pain to fight a war that isn't worth it.

I eat ***.

I made the initiative
to board the train
got left with nothing
only pain

I tried to fly
and fell a great height
maybe that's why
I can't put up the fight

I hide away
I sit at home
maybe that's why
I'm all alone

until the next life
I carry this weight
the darkness is now
my natural state

I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.*
*My hair is too thin.
My thighs are too jiggly.
My **** isn't perky.
My face isn't symmetrical.
My body is unproportionate.
My stomach is chubby.
My ***** are awkward.
My voice is too annoying.
My smile is stupid.
My scars are too unattractive.
My problems aren't as bad as other people.
My depression is a nuisance.
My anxiety attacks are overly dramatic.
My PTSD is pathetic.
My personality is too complicated.
My laugh is obnoxious.
My attention span is irritating.
My needs are too much.
My heart is too damaged.
My foundation is cracked.
My dependance is exhausting.
My fears are childish.
My past is haunting.
My future isn't bright.
My soul is undeserving.
My insecurity is too strong.
I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.

sometimes

i think she forgets

i

was

his victim

too

Who I am is not mesured by the words or opinions of others.
Who I am is what believe in.
And I believe in myself.

*I am strong.

I've tried so hard,
and I've made it this far, (and I still can't make it,)
so I will carry on. (so I should give up,)
People care (No one cares)
about my future.

I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.
My hair is too thin.
My thighs are too jiggly.
My **** isn't perky.
My face isn't symmetrical.
My body is unproportionate.
My stomach is chubby.
My ***** are awkward.
My voice is too annoying.
My smile is stupid.
My scars are too unattractive.
My problems aren't as bad as other people.
My depression is a nuisance.
My anxiety attacks are overly dramatic.
My PTSD is pathetic.
My personality is too complicated.
My laugh is obnoxious.
My attention span is irritating.
My needs are too much.
My heart is too damaged.
My foundation is cracked.
My dependance is exhausting.
My fears are childish.
My past is haunting.
My future isn't bright.
My soul is undeserving.
My insecurity is too strong.
I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.

Heartbreak is a funny thing,
it can lead you to discover new things about yourself,
for better,
or for worse.

Carrie Lee could care less about coffee.
Her arms lay crossed as she gazed out the window at the busy street.
Carrie gave a sigh, '"So why did you choose to see me?"
Jeremy cleared his throat and fiddled his fingers in discomfort.
"I missed you, Carrie. You were too busy to chat when I was in Germany."
She glanced his way and blinked a few times.
"Did you also miss Tracy, Lisa, Katie...?"
He quickly grasped the tone of her voice and squirmed in his seat.
Carrie's throat clenched once the words left her mouth, she predicted he'd get up and leave.
"I told you, Louie set me up to run into them like that. You know I would never hurt you."
"One fish, two fish,red fish, blue fish one deceive, two deceive."
He was puzzled , gasping for air over his failed attempt to convince her of his intentions.
"Tracy barely spoke to me at school, Lisa made fun of me daily, and Katie-"
Carrie's voice was stern and sharp and she gracefully stood from her seat and cut him off.
"Can you say you only care about me, honestly?"
Jeremy stood up and held Carrie's arms to reassure that she wouldn't leave.
"Carrie, please: listen to me."
She whipped her body away from his grasp. Eyes stinging from the memories she tried to forget for all those months.
He chased after her, wiping away her tears that flow free.
In disappointment she mumbles, "I'm sorry Jeremy, I guess your son just has to grow up not knowing his father."
"Carrie..."
People were staring as she gracefully stormed her way out of the cafe. It was just like their breakup in high school all over again.
"It's Carrie now. Katie tomorrow. Stay strong girl, leave him be."
His hand clenched the space in his chest he could feel expanding as his eyes started to hail.
Despite the tears blinding his vision, he followed her once again. "Of all the people in the world my heart had to choose, it choose you, Carrie."
His persistence made her feet stop, heart clench and mind reel.
Tears streaming down his face to his neck and his rosary.
She spoke "If I had a choice, it would choose you too. Maybe another life."
And at that moment, amidst the busy streets of Canterbury
was the soft whisper of two lonely hearts,
pledging to one another in loyalty,
"I love you".

ven·det·ta
venˈdedə/
noun
noun: vendetta; plural noun: vendettas
a prolonged bitter quarrel with or campaign against someone.

The days you're gone are the hardest,
I sit alone in the living room,
trying to find the courage to do the impossible;
live without you.

Seconds feel like hours,
hours feel like days,
moments pass me by,
moving in slow motion.

No matter where you go,
no matter how far,
I will be waiting,
til the end of time.

August wind
           comes
in waves.

It’s goal
           to rip leaves
                      off trees
           standing tall
                      against it.

It bellows out gusts,
           tearing away at flower petals.

The once calm church field,
                                                       a battle ground.
                      A harsh whisper war.
           But soon
           it will
whip away,
                                                             defeated.

You head over at 6 pm on Wednesdays,

You call me.

You leave on Sunday mornings,

I call you.

You've only been gone 3 hours,

You call me.

You leave for work at 5:15 pm,

I call you.

You don't get your first break until 10 pm,

You call me.

You get off work at 6 am,

I call you.

Every day.

We call.

I can't wait until I **** myself so everyone can pretend they care.

Who are you to worm your way into my life?
Who are you to stick your nose into my business?
Who are you to scar me with your knife?
Who are you to laugh at my skins thinness?

Why are you so incredibly invasive?
Why are you so undeniably malicious?
Why are you so desperate to be hated?
Why are you so harshly vicious?

Who am I to be unreasonably attacked?
Who am I to be relentlessly victimized?
Who am I to have my foundation cracked?
Who am I to have to be the only one civilized?

Why am I forced to still deal with your immaturity?
Why am I still having to defend myself against your blows?
Why am I being attacked because of your insecurity?
Why am I dealing with these questions I've posed?

I am Strong

I am  Powerful

I am Brave

I am Strong

I am Powerful

I am Brave

**I am Strong

I am Powerful

I am Brave