Who am I?
Am I a person I like?
Or am I the living embodiment of all I despise?

Do I get to choose?
Or do you decide?

Am I judged on my actions?
Or on the person inside?

What if the outcome is negative when we decide?
Do I give up who I am?

Abandon myself for your adoration,
Or continue on as me despite your abhorrence?

For ten years I have poured my energy into you,
For ten years you have just said ***** you.
You all stand there,
All three of you.
Watching me fade away into nothingness,
Enjoying the sight of my growing emptiness.

I give you love and affection,
You give me abjection,
Hurt and despair.
Am I truly deserving of such negative inflection?
Have I in that time hurt you, as you hurt me?
Or have I showed you that I care?

I’d love to say no more,
But I am not that person that you seem to deplore.
I am here but I have feelings too,
Not everything in this world is about you.

I’ve had times in my life that make me unworthy.
I’ve committed acts that make people what to swerve me.
Knowing what I know now,
and if I could do back to the days of early,
Would I still be so undeserving?
Or would the world serve me?
Would I be a king?
Or just another urchin?

Worrying about it now will never serve me.
So I try to make my future work for me.
Push on forwards, keep on fighting.
Maybe one day I will do the right thing.
And if I don’t at least I tried,
I’ll be able to say that on the day I die.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
And sorrow is in the heart of the sufferer.
But as I grow weary and older,
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
I often stop to wonder,
Is this life the same for me as it is for the others?
Do they feel the pain that flows through me?
Or do they look on in wonder?
Are you proud to be my friend?
Or will you turn on me in the end?

In life I struggle,
To share my feelings with others.
My logical facade,
Is the flimsiest of covers.
Underneath rages a fire of emotion.
I find myself incapable of release.
I find myself living without peace

When I write my heart does the work.
When the pen hits the paper
My emotions escape with a relentless flow.
I spill it all and out it comes.
Waves of feeling that I cannot control.
Rapid flows of pain and joy crashing into one another.

If only I could talk to people like I can to paper.
Maybe then I’d be a better man
Instead of a lost little boy with nobody to hold my hand.

When I speak I stutter,
As if there is no worth,
To the words that I utter.
My thoughts sound out in a jumble,
A mess that cannot be deciphered or untangled.
My thoughts are clear but my sounds are a mumble.
If only I could convey my message,
Give to you my thoughtful deliverance.
Instead I make myself look like I am swimming in ignorance.
When I write my words are clear,
But you’ll never see it because of my fear.
My fear of failure,
My fear of disappointment,
From you, in me.
If only I could share my mind,
So you could see things through my eyes,
So you could feel these feelings of mine.
Because my mouth does not connect to my mind.
My mind is sharp but my voice is weak,
I feel nothing but shame,
When I speak my bumbling speech.

There are times in life when we all change
Nobody is born then stays the same.
Every single moment of every single day brings its own engine of change.
Who you are today is not the same as who your were yesterday.
Why fear change when it’s the only constant in your life?
Why fear difference when it’s the only thing we have in common in life?
Embrace the change,
Try not to stay the same.
Because the effort alone will drive you insane.
Constantly fighting the change will drive those you love away
And you’ll be left wondering why everyone changed.

Knowing what I know now,
And if I could go back,
Would I take the time to change,
Review myself and backtrack?
I honestly don’t know,
Only a guess I could make,
To say that actually I’d choose to stay the same.
The events of my life made me who I am now,
For better or worse,
I have have strength in me now.

If you could go back,
Would you change anything?
I hope not because to not be you would be a sin.
You are an amazing person,
And don’t you forget it,
To change that now,
Would make you regret it.

Life in this day and age,
Just as it has always been,
Is filled with anxiety, stress, and pain.
Are we enough?
Should we change?
Or is it ok for us to stay the same?
Nobody knows and nobody cares.
Only you can decide,
It’s your life and your mind.
Stand on your own two,
Just like they always told you.
With no support can we really thrive?
With no lift from others can we truly fly?
Indecisive in our assertions,
Second guessing our actions.
Our entire existence based on others reactions.
We are an ever growing mess,
Tell me, how are we to make any progress?

Running and running,
I hope they don’t catch me.
Ducking and diving,
They better not find me.
My crime is horrific,
But the punishment is worse.
It seems to be extreme,
Hardly befitting my transgression.
All I did was speak,
An exercise of self expression.
Is my inner voice really that obscene?
Or are you chasing me just to be mean?

Will we be able to see each other again?
The Pain in my heart still burns the same
it’s been so long
I barely remember your face
Whenever I think of you
My broken heart starts to race
My mind is an inferno
My heart colder than space
The darkness consumes me
Despite my smiling face
Am I destined to relive
That fateful day
When the universe looked down
And swiped you away
My son I love
This I think you know
That day still kills me
The day you had to go
To my forever angel
The guardian of my soul
I’m sorry I never got to you
Before you were cold
Daddy still loves you
And will never let you go

I can sense your fear,
And that’s ok.
To be completely fearless in life,
That’s living the stupid way.
Fear is smart,
It keeps you alive.
Fear is careful,
It forces you to use your mind.
Fear can be shared,
I’ll show you mine.
For me fear is important,
It’s why I’m still alive.
Through all the pain and suffering,
One thing is clear,
The only real consistency in life is fear.

I try to be happy,
But life has other ideas.
I try to be a good man,
Yet all I feel is pain through these tears.
Maybe one day it’ll all be worth it,
Or maybe I’ll be dead.

Life is hard,
In this I have no doubt.
If my experience has taught me anything,
It’s that there really is no way out.
When you find one,
Don’t bother to shout.
When I approach,
It’ll just shut down.

Do I give into the darkness?
Or do I continue on regardless?

One day I may be made to pay.
To pay for the crimes of my past
To pay for all the pieces of broken heart
To pay for it all.
If I could travel through time and change the past I would.
I would repair and repay all the damage that I caused.
I would undo all the destruction
And bring order to the chaos
Unfortunately I am unable to travel back in time,
Instead I am just waiting.
Waiting for the day they come and take me
For the day I have to give retribution
For the day I have to forfeit my own life
For the day I get what I’m owed
For the day you get what you need
On that day it will be the end of me.

On that day,
When the sky clouded over,
All the heroes stood Shoulder to shoulder.
Villains on each side with tears in their eyes.
They each took a turn,
To show their love and to say goodbye.
None hurt more than peter.
He was held up by tony and reed,
For they feared that the boy would fall due to weakness in his knees.
They all lost their creator,
That is plain to see,
But peter lost his father,
And now complete is something he will never be.
Peter screamed out, Please just take me. Don’t you dare leave me!
Where will I be without him, My father, Stan the man lee.

Is it enough that I am me?
Am I really all I can be,
Is there more,
Or am I less.
Do I really have limits,
Or just boundaries to test?
I strive to be better,
But achieve stagnation.
Is this mediocrity really cause for celebration?
I judge me and I do not pass,
The strength of my heart is brittle like glass.
My soul weeps with pain,
Will it last?
Or is it just another flash in the pan,
A prang in my heart.

Good and evil exists within us all,
Nobody is one of the other.
A line we all share,
A balancing act of biblical proportions.
There is no god,
There is no devil,
There is only us.
Our failings,
Our successes,
Our imperfections.
Only us and our actions.

If you knew before you started,
Would you have made the decision you did,
That lead to you departing?
If you felt the truth all along,
Yet held your tongue,
Is it me that is truly in the wrong?
Life is ever changing, twisting and turning,
The decisions we take,
Determine the outcome of our journey.
Goodbye for now is all I can say,
You may come back to me,
Yet that day is not today.

I have lost someone today,
From me they were taken away.
I would love for them to fight to stay,
But that’s not going to happen,
Not for me anyway.

When a loved one is lost,
The heart is ripped in two.
When a loved one leaves,
A sadness builds in me.

Goodbye sweet kid,
Good luck with your life.
If you need me I’ll be here,
But it’s unlikely you’ll call.

I love you lots,
Much more than you’ll ever know.
I can’t take this loss,
But this everyone already knows.

Hatred is not a crime,
It’s a side effect of life.
No feelings should be taboo,
They’re what makes us who we are.
So when you feel hatred,
Don’t feel shame,
Because it’s just a feeling,
And they’re all the same.
They’re just chemicals floating around our brains.
So instead of worrying about hate,
Address the situation that made you feel that way.
Make that better and your negative feelings will go away

Have you ever stopped to look?
To take it all in,
With your own eyes and ears,
To see the birds sing.
Beauty is all around,
It’s far and it’s near.
If only you took a moment,
Just to see and to hear.

Nothing makes us feel more old,
Than having responsibilities,
When you have a head full of cold.
No snuggles for you,
You’re an adult now.
Get off your behind,
Go help others to fly.
A cold is minor as Illnesses go,
Something we cope with,
And still get up and go.
But wouldn’t it be better,
If we could relax,
Take the time to heal,
Instead of sprinting towards collapse.
But instead we tell ourselves,
That we’ll be ok.
That we will live on to fight another day.
We just won’t enjoy it, not that it matters anyway.

When other people get involved.
It ends in disaster.
They think they know best, like lord and master.
When really they are just jealous catastrophic disasters.
If you don’t like it then leave that’s fine by me,
But don’t destroy my relationships with the people I need.

That person right there means a great deal to me,
But that doesn’t mean that you have to destroy my feelings.
There’s room for everyone or no one,
So take your seat.
Spend less time shouting at me.

My feelings get hurt,
Not that it matters.
My emotions get ignored by all others.
I may lose a friend I’m yet to see,
I just hope the worst doesn’t happen to me.

When can I rest?
When all the work is done?
Or when all has fallen around me?

Can I stop now?
Or do I have to keep going?
Do I have to keep struggling?
Or am I allowed some peace?

I need to know,
I need my questions answered.
I need your permission for me to stop,
Because it’s hard work putting you on top.

I should have listened to my mother,
She told me to think before I act.
After all the struggles in life I wish I could take my thoughtless actions back,
But I can’t so that’s that.


Running this race of life,
Leaves you feeling like you just might,
Get up and disappear into the night.
I don’t want to do that, I know it’s not right.
But here I am thinking I just might.

A life of bad decisions,
Thrown in with indecision,
Mixed up with a total lack of precision,
Has left my soul feeling like I’m missing.

It’s too late to change the past,
But I need to move fast to make the future last,
And indeed to watch the present pass.
Life could have been easier, it could have been a blast.

They look at me,
It’s like they think I know.
They ask me for direction,
As if I know where to go.
I try my best to provide it,
But there is no way to hide it.
The fact that I just don’t have a clue.
So don’t look to me,
I don’t know what to do.
Don’t ask me,
I’ve nothing to tell you.
Don’t pray to me,
I have no way to save you.

Our time here is short,
So make the most of it while it lasts.
The only way is forward,
So don’t worry about the past.
Your past mistakes are gone,
So leave them where they are.
Your constant self imposed burden,
Is the only reason they live on.
Learn to let them go,
Before it is too late.
Your future will be brighter,
If you learn to let go of your mistakes.

To me you are my world,
My only reason for existence.
But you seem so unhappy,
Is there something I’m missing?
Do you have what you need?
If not then tell me, I will listen.
Do you need more love?
More than is given?
Do you need a helping hand?
Or are you strong and Indipendant?
Do you need more support?
Or is that already given?
Do you need space?
Or is too much the issue?
When I see you hurting,
I need you to tell me something.
To me you are my world,
Far more than just my children.

We all want to live a little,
We all want to love a lot.
But you don’t get to decide,
Regardless of whether you like it or not.
So let go of your current misconceptions,
They only weigh you down,
With no exceptions.
We all have wants,
We all have needs.
Nobody has the life they chose,
Just the one they lead.

Where do you draw your line in the sand?
Is it lonely where you stand?
Do you need love and support,
Or do you need space to walk?
We all have our side,
There is no team.
Just the place we stand,
And nowhere in between.
Our position is empty,
Our hearts lonely and weak.
Under us the ground crumbles at our feet.
We start to fall,
With no chance of reprieve,
Only eternal darkness,
Looking for the light we seek.

Love is a fickle thing.
It changes its mind,
And makes your head spin.

Over it we have no control,
It’s completely spontaneous.
No matter what we do our hearts will roll.
All we can do is follow where they go.

Our hearts lead us,
Our heads look on in wonder.
Life as a human has complexity,
Infinite in their number.

Trying to figure it all out,
And exert some control,
Is nothing but a fools game,
But it’s all we know.

I don’t really want it,
But you tell me I need it.
Hands reach in to take what I have.
More hands reach in to take what I need.
You have plenty, so why take mine?

They say it makes the world turn,
But it does not turn mine.
For me it does a good job,
When it comes to making it stop.

My bank balance is low,
But my head is held high.
If only I could feed my children,
Using my own stubborn pride.

Only then could my babies eat like kings.

I received a call today,
From someone whom I call a friend.
I did not want to hear it,
Not those words you had to say.
My friends are my family,
So it’s safe to say,
That you my friend, are my brother today.
Through the hard times,
I hope I can say,
That my support you will have,
And by your side I will stay.
If I could take away your pain I would,
But instead I will stay where I stood,
I’d take it for you if I could.
Tell me what you need,
And for you my brother,
That’s what you will receive.
It’s scary as hell,
When you hear you may lose a friend.
You my brother, from now till the end.

Writing, for me, is an escape.
An escape from the hatred that surrounds me.
An escape from the people who want to hurt me.
An escape from the people who send attackers after me.
An escape from the people who use others to get at me.
An escape from the darkness that lives within me.
An escape from the darkness that lives in you.

Yes I know my sense of humour is dark,
But if you didn’t want to know then you should not have asked.
Yes it offends, that’s the aim of the game.
But it’s all in jest, done in humours name.

No you don’t like it, but why should I care?
If you don’t like me or my humour then stay over there.
Because when you whine about it I will fail to care.
When you complain about it you will get aired.

I don’t involve myself in your pathetic goings on,
Never at all, not even once.
So stay out of my life and mind your own for once.
I’ll never be interested in your life, so leave it you ponce.

You’re a fully grown man, that I can see.
But a pathetic little boy you will always be.
You want to give your opinion but really there’s no need,
We’d get more useful info from talking to a tree.

Your mind is tiny but your voice is loud.
You have nothing to say but you say it so proud.
I don’t care what you think and I never will,
So stop flapping your gums and keep them still.

Call whomever you like and feel you need,
Bring your army to little old me.
I will politely ask you all to leave,
And when you don’t I’ll call the police.

My impact is small,
Difficult to see.
My efforts are enormous,
On show for all but me.
If only my impact came close to my effort,
If only, if only.
Maybe then it would be worth it.
My mark on this world is tiny,
My own expectations it did not meet.
The energy I put in is endless,
So vast it makes me weep.
When will my hard work pay off,
Will it be after I’m gone?
If that’s the case then I don’t want that.
I want to be noticed now,
Not remembered after.

The day I lost you, I also lost myself.
You and I stood on the edge of the abyss, and together we looked over.
With your hand in mine we fell in and never stopped falling.
Further and further into the infinite darkness we go.
On the day you died, I died too, I’ll never be able to let you go.
That moment consumes my every thought, it taints my every feeling.
We are forever falling into the darkness of the universe.
Destined to be swallowed up and never return.
Your hand in mine for eternity, my son and I indefinitely lost together.

Excuse me there,
May I be so bold,
As to ask you fair and square,
If it is me you would like to hold?

You can hold my hand,
You can put your arm around me,
You can do whatever or do nothing,
It’s your choice, if you want me.

For me there is only one thing,
Just one thing in life that I need,
And that is you stood beside me,
In times of joy and times of need.

Hey you,
What are you doing today?
How are you feeling,
Would you tell me if you’re not ok?
I am here if you need me,
No matter what you have to say.
I am around if you want me,
Would you like me to stay?
Am I an annoyance,
That just gets in the way?
Or am I what you need,
When you’re having your worst day?
I want to help and support you,
To be what you need on any day.

They say I have fire in my soul,
They say I have passion in my heart,
But that’s only part of me,
Just half of the whole.

Within me lies a monster,
A beast of infinite darkness.
The lighter side of me,
That’s my internal fraudster.

There are parts of me that I do not show.
For fear of your reaction,
If you saw the real me,
Surely you would not want to know?

Of myself I am unsure,
If I am truly worthy.
When I look in the mirror I see the monster,
Of this I am sure.

If I told you my truths you’d run a mile
I’d be left feeling empty all the while
The truth about me is plain to see
For those interested in me.
I am what I am,
I feel what I feel
And I think what I think.
Do you really want to know?
Or is this just another attempt to feign care?
Do you really just want my attention?
Instead of my love and affection?
Do you know me?
I mean the real me, not just my outward facade?
Do you want to feel me?
Or do you just want me to feel you?
Am I really the monster I think I am?

When I am lost,
My identity cannot be found.
When I am down,
The sky cannot be seen.
For right now I am swimming in a sea.
A sea of indifference.
Truly a dangerous place to be.
I could be happy,
I could be sad.
But no,
I am just...

Through all my struggles it’s hard to say
Which for me was truly the worst day.
There have been so many disastrous days,
But one more will end that I can say.
Stress, pain and struggle is all I know,
Down is the only direction I go.
If only things where different then I’d know,
What was the worst day that I’ve ever known.
Life is built on experience,
This I know.
There’s more to life than existence,
At least I hope.
For now it is darkness,
Just like I’ve always known.
I bear this weight With sadness,
I carry it alone.
My feelings are in turmoil,
My life in disrepair.
My heart hardly beats,
It’s been beaten in there.
My mind is closing in,
It’s a war in there.
Overall I’m falling with nobody to care.

We fight with all we have,
We lose the things that we never had.
Life is one submission after another,
We aim for one, but achieve the other.
We are all here standing,
Ready to take our number,
Completely unaware the we are all going under.
The will to fight is nothing but illusion,
The want to continue is born of confusion.
We all stand strong,
Yet in the end we fold.
We all talk a big talk,
But only our words are bold.
We can give up now,
And be forever content.
Or we can continue,
And be further broken and bent.

Patience is power over the effects of time,
Patience is the power to let the negativity subside.
Knowing when to move,
And when to stay in line.
We don’t all have it,
But we do all need it.
You have the patience of a saint,
I have an inability to wait.
You have what I need,
But cannot give it to me.

Am I just a number?
What am I worth,
Is my value equal to my impact,
Or am I suffering diminishing returns?

Am I just a name?
How am I defined?
Am I a man of means,
Or the poorest you’ll see?

Am I just a resource?
What am I to you?
Do I hold any meaning to you,
Or am I just useful?

Am I just a moment?
How will you remember me?
Will I be thought of fondly,
Or will I just fade into the void of the forgotten past?

Am I really alive?
How do I measure my existence?
Am I truly living,
Or am I merely surviving?

Should I listen to this devil that lives within?
Should I let my anger out? Or should I hold it in?
All these thoughts and feelings are making my head ring.
I’d love an easy ride, to feel free enough to sing.
But instead I am stuck with this devil inside me, battling.
It’s a war of attrition, one that no matter what nobody can win.
It’s a terrible position that we all find ourselves in.
You run the race wrong when you enter to win.
It’s time to change tactics, you can’t possibly sustain and survive the sprint.

When we are running
We are not thinking
When we are lot thinking
We are truly living.

We imprison ourselves in thought
We prevent ourselves from growing
We stay stuck in the same place
Which stops us from going.

If only we could be
Both thoughtful and free
Only then in life
Could we get what we need.

We restrict ourselves from growth
We build a prison out of the mundane
We see freedom outside
And we tell it to go away.

If only I could see
What I does to me,
If only you could believe,
What you do to you.

When you suffer,
I suffer too.
No matter the situation,
I am right there with you.
When I see the pain in your eyes,
A little more of me dies.

I have failed you,
This I know.
I should have protected you,
But I didn’t know.
You never came to me,
This is my fault.

You were left to struggle on your own,
You were left in a world of hurt.
To see that hurts me,
To not be able to step in kills me.

My feelings are irrelevant,
This you and I both know.
Your feelings are the most important,
If only you believed though.