one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart is a chore i wish i took more seriously.
every time i try to clear out the cobwebs inside my chest, i bump my head and shoulders into things hooked on its walls; knock my knees and toes into things stuffed in its nooks and crannies. i would lay low and slowly unpack the baggage i accumulated and start learning to compartmentalise, unhang the skeletons of souls that have been chasing me in my dreams, undogear the chapters that are done and dusted where you, like all the others, remain a metaphor, a foreshadowing, a symbol, a period that i thought would fit my lifelong sentence, but that's a story for another day.
my obsession with hoarding memories like my life depended on it has long been a problem just like my system being an "organised mess" — you and i both know, i am the mess. until i can fold away my feelings from my past and tuck away my thoughts about my future to make sense of my present, i will have to keep collecting these scattered words and phrases waiting to be bound and sealed in a box somewhere.
one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart is a chore i took seriously so that when it stops beating it is full and light at the same time.
I saw a Way, forward and cloaked myself in the skin of a Digital dimension.
I began living cloud-soaring and ascending soft and the headset came off.
Now even curtains are retreating, from the light now streaming into my eyeballs.
Ow! To whit, I prefer to refer to it as "path." Plans, they fail.
Was thinking of my plans to improve my career situation in regards to breaking into XR projects, and started laughing about some of my past plans and how very wrong they went.
I then thought of how I'm still stubbornly going after the coolest things I've experienced in my life since I was a kid that were never "plans" and just Were for me, and figured I'd ***** all that onto my public page.
I have several toxic habits - I know - because I read this article on the web. It’s a miracle I’m not an axe murderer, based on what the experts said.
I use “should” biased judgements - when things go amiss. I think about the future, when settling down to rest. I obsess on defining the “best part” in each of my experiences. I often think in poetic terms - which has driven wise men delirious. I have nova bursts of interest - which escalate into crushes. I keep a mental list of incidents which, if left unmanaged, lead to grudges.
The flaws go on and on - God, I simply am a mess. I need to face my many flaws so that they might be addressed.
Do you think anyone is ever perfect? Is it like playing whack-a-mole?
So that no one ever ends up perfect - they simply end up old?
It's hard sometimes to recognize my own faults - they're like blind-spots.
When we are alone, and our masks crumble, we are confronted by the mirror. So close... you could reach out and touch your self. Your sickly reflection stares back into you, and you are struck by the confrontation between souls. Break the mirror, and you will only be left with ****** knuckles. Break yourself, however, and you will be born anew.
In the world of colors, I was a deep purple. A dark cloud in the midst of a golden palace - royal tinged with a sadness that blocked rays of light with a deep gray. My dark thoughts twisted around oak trees and into the roots of this one world. It is not be assumed that all was depressing but comfortable. There were rarely rainstorms for the self rarely allowed drops to fall from one's face. Just deep, heavy clouds.
What is this new world that I am in? A big, glass room that reflects the burning sun as it beings to rise. The self has dug its heels into the start of a sunrise. Highlighted with fury, my thoughts bounce off the glass and into my body, jolting with energy. I have yet to see the sun fully rise as I am stuck with the burning sky. One day, the heat ooze out onto the earth and crumble the glass, forcing the self to contend with what comes next. But right now, every inch of my skin is soaking up the blazing sun that it had missed so much. Maybe a full rise isn't welcome right now, but it will be one day.