A glass of poured liquor
To help me forget you quicker.
My lips around a freshly rolled blunt;
Lead to me doing things I normally don't.
I loved you immensely,
Didn't know how much that would cost me.
My sanity and sense of self escape me
I poison and punish myself
As the realization of our end sets in
And I wonder if I'm happy with the world I'm living in.
Without you, I search for satisfaction on my own
I live in a house that once felt like a home.
This is the best move for the both of us,
Yet I turn to drinks, drugs, dudes; all in surplus.
I can only thrive when I get the attention,
False promises; I'm good regardless of the intention.
The craving that can never be fully satisfied,
The consuming addiction I try hard to hide.

You were everything I want, nothing that I need
But I grew out of wanting the apple on The Tree.

It's a Shame
We bend and break ourselves
To level with bent and broken men.

I found myself begging for the Sun to shine,

To radiate its warmth into my soul

And grace my skin with the blessing of her kiss.

As I begged and begged,

The Sun refused to reveal herself to me.

Instead, She hid behind the clouds

As the rain washed everything

But my sorrows away.

My days became darker than midnight

My body felt weaker than my spirit

And I lost sight of the light that existed before.

I asked the Sun and I asked Her some more,

I asked Her with both knees on the floor.

Once again the Sun refused me

Then I finally understood

That the Sun

In all Her glory

Doesn't deserve these strict expectations.

She deserves to be:

Loved when She chooses to share her light;

Missed when She chooses to hide

Adored when She shares her affection

Cherished when She gives at all.

The Sun is expected to give Her all

While we selfishly take Her gifts

Then complain that She is too much.

Was busy chasing waterfalls
Got caught up in it all
Until I looked up and saw
The extravagant brown;
In other eyes never found.

I looked into your eyes and I knew
That to you I could not lie,
Nor ever deceive you,
Will never let you go but
Will never let you get too close.

I learned the hard way
That it’s okay
To cut your losses
And to cut ties
With parasites.

The little girl in me feels neglected.

I guess, til now, I never truly reflected
Never really understood
How parents like you didn’t do all that you could
To ensure I felt safe and secure
To keep my innocence pure.

You allowed me to witness
All of your recklessness.
I find it awfully selfish
That you claim to have been helpless.

I needed you at your best
You gave me 50% and gave everyone else the rest.

Now I’m grown and I have to pick up
The shattered pieces of my heart
And tear my toxic thoughts and habits apart.

While I’m healing and in recovery,
I make sure to show much love to the little girl in me.

Crazy how you walked in
And sealed your claim on my heart as if it were nothing

**** how you caress me intimately
Without letting a finger touch me

Cool how you freeze me out of your world
But peep into mine while you’re with another girl.

Deception.

We disconnect when you allow the interception.

Behind these ****-ups and drunken nights,

There's a common lesson.

We search endlessly for the purpose

But you walk away when the confusion makes you nervous.

You + me, we're the result of an iphone with no service.

No purpose,

Aside from the games.

I feel so free
After giving you up
And getting back to me.

It’s really hard to be sweet, loving, and kind
After I found out the man I love is no longer just mine.
He’s a man who loves the women of the streets,
A man who doesn’t even clean his own sheets,
Who I believed had once swept me off my feet
Really, he swept underneath my feet
Eternally cursing me.

How much is your soul worth?



This is the question you decide to ask



As you gulp the Moonshine from the stranger's flask



You close your eyes and see your life in a flash



You sit on the cold, soiled concrete



Listening to the quietness that comes with defeat.



You hate yourself but point the finger



At everyone else, hoping your anguish won't linger.



You feign innocence and ignorance as if all the bad will disappear.



You use ***, drugs, and Moonshine to dry your tears



But on nights like this, the truth is hard to shake



So you stay out late and overuse yourself til you quake



Then the moon and the stars shine down on you



And you feel sorry for yourself as sorry people do.



Nothing is left inside of you; you're hollow



You're on your own, you're bent and spent; no direction to follow.



There's no point in asking how much your soul is worth



When clarity has come to you and the answer has already been unearthed.

Being cheated on hurts. So. Bad. 


The way I loved before, I know I’ll never be able to get back to that point ever again.

My sense of self worth has gone down, I now question my trust in my own intuition, and my hurt feels like a pain I’ve never felt before.


“I’m so glad I never have to worry about him.” 


Something I used to always tell my mom and friends.

I always thought his love for me would overpower his desire for other women. I was so wrong. 


I felt stupid. I felt played. 


I’d had opportunities to do him as ***** (if not dirtier) than he did me. I didn’t partake in those opportunities because I felt like our love was so pure and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin something so beautiful.

I was wrong. 
I felt embarrassed. I felt ashamed. 


While I was sick, I thought he was being true to me. I fantasized about having his kids upon healing. I thought our love grew stronger because he was there for me at my lowest.

I was wrong.


Instead, he was spending time and money - something we both felt we had such little of- on someone else.

I feel hurt. I feel unsafe. 


I don’t trust the same way I used to. I don’t look at him the same way I used to. I don’t have “forever” hopes like I used to.


Hopefully someday I’ll heal.

But for now, my heart hurts.

I’ll never be the same.

An empty shell,
Whose life is hell.
A hollow soul;
A shallow well.

A sorrowful spirit engrossed with woes,
Bits and pieces of me no one knows.

Superficially, I reveal myself
Neglecting to reflect my mental health.
Scared for myself and seeking help,
But it all fails
and goes to Hell.

A naked man stood in front of me.

He wasn't naked in the way I needed him to be.

I saw everything and I saw nothing.

I felt everything and I felt nothing.

I touched everything and I touched nothing.

We used protection but I was unprotected.

The bond of my mind and body neglected.

My body is satisfied while my mind is infected.

I tell myself "no more", lest I regret it.

I just found what were supposed to be my last words
Left behind when I attempted to take my life
On a lonely, heartbroken, crucial night.
Notes to three people
Who loved me and tried to protect me
But who could not protect me on Christmas Eve.

I still wonder why I didn’t die that night
And maybe that’s why I hold on to the hastily written notes;
For the reminder that it’s not my choice, when I should go.

I tip-toe on this balance beam of security,

Eyes straight; not focused on what's surrounding me.

Such a delicate situation I'm in,

I wonder... If I fall, will that be a predicament?

Cause falling doesn't mean I don't win,

If an ocean of You is what I'm falling in.

I wish I could have a conversation with
The girl I was ten years ago
And the woman I will be in ten years.

Heavy prayers that fall on deaf ears
Day dreams that my worries all disappear.
In a dark space and I cannot see the light
At the end of a tunnel full of fears that won’t subside.

I beg and plead, “Lord, please bring me change”.
I beg and plead, “Lord, please help me through all the pain.”
But God don’t answer, and he leaves my heart wide open
I expect nothing, but ****** I was hoping…

Silent ride through the fire

I won't be your backseat driver.

You take the wheel and ride

Bask in what you feel; what makes you feel alive.



Rejuvenate your spirit, ease your mind.

I know this world ain't been too kind...



I'll be your guardian angel

Forever watching from all angles.

You'll never want, need, or fear;

The one who protects and provides is right here.

Legs when you can't walk, eyes when you can't see;

Anytime you feel weak, you can lean on me.





My love for you knows no ends.

I am your guardian angel, and you are my best friend.

This is the part where you tell me
All that I need to know.
No lies, no more hiding,
Just bring your honest self to the table
And feed me your truth.
I've been starving and you knew this.
You just now want to feed me truth like we ain't been through this.
You're ruthless.
But I knew this.
I'm not one to play innocent
But the time we spent
Was wasted
You saw that I was suffering
You turned my world black and blue
With splotches of red from the blood my heart bled for you
You never touched me, but you starved me
Of the truth you should've been serving me
My friends look at me sideways and ask me why I stay
I tell them things with u and me weren't always this way.
They pity me; I would pity me too.
A limitless woman should never be confined to you.
So when you ask me what I want from you,
I want you to keep my suffering in mind
Before you fix your lips to feed me another lie.

Walking heartache
Daily headache
You’ll be the end of me.

You’re a stone cold brute
I want a shot, but don’t know how to shoot.
Everything seems impossible with you.

So, why do I care? Why do I stay?
Maybe I’ll figure myself out some day.

You wrote about me
As if I were some kind of beautiful tragedy
And it makes me wonder
Who and what I was to you.
Whoever, whatever woman you wrote about before
She's not any of those fables anymore.
You no longer know the intricacies
The beauty of my pain
The pain I once confused
As love and adoration for you.
You'll never find another woman,
You'll never find another spirit,
You'll never find another entity
To reach you when you hide yourself,
To touch you outside of the physical world,
To mend you when you are a jigsaw puzzle of a man.
Not even the woman of your tales
Can do all that I can.

You told me about your nightmares
So I made it my mission to be your dream.

While planning for tragedy,
I forgot to anticipate the consequences of you.