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21
Bansi Adroja Jul 16
21
Life was simple at twenty-one
there was hope for us
there was a chance we’d be
all of the things we promised we’d be
living on the coast
tangled in each other's arms
under skies full of stars
watching the waves roll in  
a world away from anyone
anything we know
Memories I will always want to relive
Bansi Adroja May 6
We used to picture a life at sea
at the mercy of the waves
and the setting sun
lost under stars
drifting further apart
contained in a space
too small
for the tragedies  
told by aching hearts
We had a plan
Bad
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
Bad
I like the bad ones
the ones that break
and damage everything they touch
it's a bad habit
a twisted predilection
I just can't give up
A Poem a Day : Seven
Bansi Adroja Oct 2019
You belong to the credit card statements on your coffee table
to your bosses emails at 7pm
to plans you can't cancel
to conversations that just don't end

You belong to morning commutes
to browsing produce same time every Tuesday
to the caffeine fix it you missed
to sad days you want to escape

You belong to everything
but you
Belonging
Bansi Adroja Sep 2018
You're a firework
a momentary thing of beauty
on cold nights
under amber city lights

You're a leaving train
when you're already running late
loud
and endlesly frustrating

You're an alarm
on a Sunday morning
with the cold side of the pillow
putting the day on snooze

You're rain
with a forecast for summer
or the cup of tea
and you're feet up
at the end of it all

You're everything wonderful
but terrible all the same
A Poem a Day
Bansi Adroja Oct 7
It was just a momentary blip
when I saw you for who you are

A lapse in my better judgement
to have listened to you
and heard the words you said
instead of editing it all in my head

So we look like a movie

So we look like we’re in love
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
We are our blood
all of the family ties that bind us
keep us in our place

In the same country towns
on roads we walked with backpacks
dreaming of the beyond

The things we said we'd do
to keep our parents happy
the school plays and good grades

Sometimes it's all too much
being the good one
or knowing you have to grow up

Sometimes there is nothing more
than being nameless in the wilderness
with no expectations to weigh us down
with no scars from the past

born brand new
A Poem a Day : Three
Bansi Adroja Dec 2018
He told me he loved me
on a Tuesday night
sometime in summer

Straight after work
heels kicked off
a ball on the sofa

He told me he loved me
and I felt light
like running

My heart is a stone
heavy
unmoving

It doesn't care for
pretty blue eyes
or his pretty little lies
A Poem a Day: Fear of Intimacy
Bansi Adroja Jan 2020
There are days like the brilliance of the first snow
brightness that almost blinds
full hearts
heavy sighs
slowing down time
while grasping at straws
for a way out from under reality and it's spot light
A feeling
Bansi Adroja Jan 2019
We're halfway between
two different worlds
caught up amongst the chaos
of all the colours
fighting against the dark side
of cigarettes at the back
of the bars we shouldn't be in
glasses of gin or something
more like liquid guilt
A Poem a Day: Finally starting 2019
Bansi Adroja Oct 8
I can blame the champagne
for signing my heart away
to cheap thrills
bruised knees

On the back of your motorbike
riding through the city
as if life made sense

The Springsteen records you played
were stuck in my head

Just like you
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
I'm not enough
but neither are you

We disappoint each other
over and over

I want romance
and you miss passion
up close and...

I hate your silences
you hate my vague answers
there are all the small things
the big things
and everything in between

There were long nights
talking about the world
holding hands on rainy streets
the sound of your voice
at one am

Like old French movies
we're tragic

At the end of it all
we're classic
A Poem a Day : Eleven
Bansi Adroja Oct 1
Kids still smoke under the tree
where we used to hide between classes
where I told Tom I loved him
a life time ago
but it still feels like who I am
the girl with the crush on the guy in the band
Crush
Bansi Adroja Sep 30
I miss the summer
when I couldn’t stop thinking about you
falling asleep to your voice at 3am
sharing stories of who we’d been
before that day in October
in the cold and the rain

I miss that feeling
of being safe wrapped up in your arms
in the back of the pub
when it felt like my world was falling apart
hiding away from everything

Before it all went dark
Bansi Adroja Oct 2018
Do you ever count the bad days
and wonder why
you let those hours pass you by

Why get out from under the covers
the comfort of memory foam
and the cold side of the pillow

Why sit in traffic
listening to those same over played songs
wanting to scream at the top of your lungs
at the changing lights

Why sit at a desk
with almost strangers
checking for the count down to lunch
or any type of break
from the relentless machine
of the everyday

Why not pack up and leave
move to a place where you count
do something that matters
without a six am alarm
but that's just another thought
to pass the day
A Poem a Day
Bansi Adroja Jun 2020
Depression is
a life lived under water
numb to feeling
robbed of sound
falling
rising in the tide
at the whim of the waves
heavy
and hopeless
Depression
Bansi Adroja Oct 2019
Wish we'd met at a different time
as different people
living their lives in a different way
lost inside a big city
with so much space to grow
into each others arms
a real meeting of the hearts
as poets in usual haunts
or suits looking for a thrill
after a week of number crunching
over beer, pizza
and enough stories to fill a lifetime
only pausing for breath
only pausing to say
ain't it funny
how we met this way
Hindsight
Bansi Adroja Aug 2020
I am fading from real life
turning into notifications
an unread inbox
of messages with emojis
(instead of emotion)
stuck behind blue light
just a digital version
of hope and hurt
Working From Home
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
I feel it on my skin when you touch me
sometimes its the only thing
as you breathe on my neck
so close
as you push further
holding me in place
while pushing me further away
as if I'm not the same
drowning in a feeling I can never place
A Poem a Day : Five
Bansi Adroja Apr 2020
Sometimes I feel like a person
all the wishes and wants
of someone who loves
and can be loved
in a surrealist way

Sometimes I feel immaterial
a collection of tangled ideas
lost in someones head
slowly waiting
unraveling
on the way to disappearing
Depression
Bansi Adroja Jul 2019
I still think about when we first met
sometime in late  October
with rain in your hair
the sound of a beer cracking open
the sinking feeling
of just knowing
A poem stuck in my head.
Bansi Adroja Dec 2018
It's odd how much people change
old friends from childhood
feel like strangers
and you wonder
whatever happened to them

I have changed too
detached from myself in a way
it's almost uncomfortable
not feeling like me
like a dreamscape
it is almost somewhere safe
A Poem a Day: Disassociation 101
Bansi Adroja Feb 2020
The smell of your shirt
when you talked me down from the edge
the middle of winter
in an overcrowded pub
has been my sanity

The sound of your voice
on a crowded bus late Friday night
my escape from reality
from the moment we met
you've been the one
who saved me
Nostalgic and sad
Bansi Adroja Nov 2018
It's a funny feeling
not wanting to exist
it's overpowering
suffocating
but I feel it

Laying still at midnight
wishing away time
for it all to stop
the anxiety
the constant drowning

What a waste of sunlight
what a strange way to be
A Poem a Day: Depression
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
We are the secerets we keep
the songs we dance to in the kitchen
when no one else is home
the drunken kisses at parties
we told our parents we weren't going to
the regular nightmares that make us want to run

We are the things we want
when no one else is looking
the second slice of cake
the quiet lazy days we crave
all of the pet peeves
we still hold grudges for

To me you are who you were
in the park last summer
after two glasses of wine
holding hands while the light
faded out
A Poem a Day : Six
Bansi Adroja Oct 2019
Fair-weather love is all the rage
like plastic wine glasses
lost in the grass

A summer haze

Fair-weather love is all the rage
And we are just having one of those days
Forever
Bansi Adroja Sep 28
We talk like strangers
bemoan the weather
the traffic in the city these days

Everything we should say disappears

All the messy feelings
the late night meetings
sharing every detail of our days

In the spaces in between
we forget each of the last ten years
we fade from each other

Is this falling out of love?
because it hurts
Bansi Adroja Jan 4
You are the feeling of walking in the cold
wrapped up in scarves and winter coats
a familiar song playing
at full volume in my ears
each step detached from the world
held in suspension from reality
as weightless as the sunlight

You are the fifth drink on a Friday night
hidden in the corner booth
in the same old bar
with the same stories retold
and the same laughs we always get
familiarity like warmth
like a whiskey

You are a fantasy
a safety blanket
just a nice place to be
Lust
Bansi Adroja Jul 10
It felt like a film

Those rose tinted days in the city
the rush at Liverpool Street
running late on my twenty first birthday
waiting on the circle line
in the cold winter sunshine
I remember coffee in the tiny cafe
when everyone turned to look at us laugh

It felt as if the world made sense
as if we’d found the place we needed to be
tucked away in a corner sharing stories
as if we’d known each other forever
like soul mates made of the same star
I knew I never wanted to leave your side
Memories that make me weepy
Bansi Adroja May 26
I would take every fight
every single heart break
for those three am phonecalls
wishing I could call you home

I would take every single disconnect
every time we tripped
falling in and out of sync
over ten long years and more

I would hold your hand
on the sofa in front of the TV
while we talk about nothing at all
disappearing every evening like a bottle of red

I would do anything
to relive the moments we missed
all over again
because after all this time
you still have my heart in your hands
And I will always wish yours was mine
Reminiscent
Bansi Adroja Apr 14
Happiness is a day dream
spent in a London haze
summer in the park
laying in the grass

It’s a distant memory
of drinking white wine
talking about who we were
who we wanted to be

It’s a familiar ghost
like the faded colours
of that corner
on Blue Boar street
Melancholic
Bansi Adroja Oct 5
I hate that I still smile
about the joke you told
on our first date

I hate that I still remember
the way you said my name
under clear skies and stars
made the ground shake

I hate that we were something
that i’ll never be able to replace
Bansi Adroja Nov 2019
The city always reminds me of you
amber leaves in Hyde Park
your coffee under the trees keeping my hands warm

Our nervous laughs
all the way to our love lost somewhere in the dark
cold shoulders through phone fights

But we never walk away
from a chance of feeling something
like that first date

Hearts out of hibernation

I loved you from that moment
our borrowed time
lost in October sunshine
Far from perfection
Bansi Adroja Apr 2020
You are my safe space
the feeling of lazing in the sun
sand between my toes
listening to waves rolling in
holding melting ice-cream
as we rush to eat every scoop

A Sunday stroll
in hazy morning light
our feet keeping time
as we try to unpick our lives
in the darkened corners of the Pitt Rivers
You are the only place I want to be

The only person I need
Safe
Bansi Adroja Feb 2019
I love the idea of us
having a place of our own
somewhere to share discussions
about the meaning of life
and drink good wine
a place we can hide
from the world
and all of it's cruelties

I imagine us choosing the paint
or the perfect coffee table
being content with the small act
of decisive stability
we chose to be there
together
in the place
that feels like home
A Poem a Day: Day dreaming home
Bansi Adroja Jan 2020
No one knows the interiors of our lives
all of the tragedies we survive on a daily basis
with the monsters in our homes
days disappeared by ghosts
our love lost
to someone
something so unworthy
Misery pit on a Friday
Bansi Adroja Nov 2019
I keep you in my pocket
a constant charm
reminder of the good times
old days
spent young and foolish
in the summer sun
living in love songs
forever
all night long
we go on...
Opposite day
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
James I'm in love with the idea of you
I think about it all the time
who I'd like you to be
in this sad little life of mine

The knight in shining armour
saving me from a burning building
chasing away all of the demons
without all of the posions
no more bottles of whisky needed
A Poem a Day : Nine
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
Life is hours spent in traffic jams
changing radio stations
waiting for the sound of nostaliga
that song
that year
the one that reminds you of summer
of rain on clear nights
a sky full of stars
or the way that kiss caught you off guard
A Poem a Day : Two
Bansi Adroja Oct 2018
Sometimes I want to crawl
out of my skin
into a beach body
sun kissed perfection

Lost somewhere out at sea
amongst nothing but rolling waves
miles of silence
and occasional stillness

No longer existing
far away from dry land
and all of the anchors
scattered in family ties
and at nine to five desks
A Poem a Day : On a particularly bad day
Bansi Adroja Feb 2020
Love is
Fond memories of a city we hate
Conversations whispered at 3am
Holding hands on Blue Boar Street on my twenty second birthday
Always wishing it was summer in Regents Park that one day

Love is
Crying in the car on a Wednesday morning because of distance
Staring blankly at a phone screen
Debating calling to hear you on the voice mail
An empty side of the bed you should claim

Love is

Love was

Love will be

You
Soppy and not my usual style
Bansi Adroja Feb 2020
We lose each other in the chaos
the everyday shopping lists
the never ending conference calls
the things that feel pointless
empty

When we finally stop to
breathe
to feel

Momentary sanity
amid suffocating lunacy
of it always being everything else
over us
Midweek mood
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
We all have our own monsters

In our homes
In our heads

Darkness we can't chase away
With bottles of *****

The kind that drag us down
Further than we've ever known

Feeling that something's missing
That fear that leaves us all alone
A Poem a Day : Twelve
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
We're the same in a way
the same eyes
the same bad temperament
but I'm a mess
you can't clean up
and you hate that
no lemony freshness could work
on the broken hearts
day dreams spilt in ink
the time wasted searching
for something that matters
A Poem a Day : Ten
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
You never say the right thing
but like a desert
like a drought
I wait for rain
for a dramatic declaration of love
for an apology
that never comes

You always walk away
at the worst time
when I need you to stay
but still I wait
A Poem a Day : Eighteen
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
Do you ever think about me
during Sunday lunches or at piano rectials
of holding hands in the dark
our bodies against each other

Do you ever feel like you're missing out
while you're pretending
to be who are you out there  

Do you ever look at the ring
on your left hand and wonder
what if it had been us
A Poem a Day : Seventeen
Bansi Adroja Feb 2019
Wanting is a strange feeling
an abstract emotion
that can tie you up
in all sorts of ways
days undercover hiding
or running away
from a ghost
a promise
something tangible
A Poem a Day: What do you want from life?
Bansi Adroja Dec 2018
I feel waves of rage
anger that I can't place
it consumes me
bubbles in soda cups
fizzling out
slowing
A Poem a Day: Anger
Bansi Adroja Aug 2018
We are an idea in someone's head
how they think we spend our mornings
who they think we spend our nights with
It all gets added together
like a jigsaw puzzel
we rationalise the pieces and parts
but does it matter what they think
as long as it all fits
as long we're someone
to someone
somewhere
A Poem a Day : Fourteen
Bansi Adroja Sep 8
I would have stayed in London
not given away my heart
and left it with the wrong person
spent a few nights on beaches
under clear skies and stars
in a Miami sunset haze
Maybe I’d be by the sea
or living the big city dream
be a new version of myself
a person I always wanted to be
Nostalgic regret
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