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Nov 2 · 39
Waiting
Bansi Adroja Nov 2
I think about you in the idle time

The quiet minutes of my life

Waiting for the coffee machine
when it feels too early

On the train station platform
waiting on the central line

In line at the supermarket
trying to figure out what I’ve forgotten

Doing the dishes after dinner
just wishing the day away

It’s always somewhere in the silence

It’s always wanting in the waiting
Oct 21 · 101
Wall
Bansi Adroja Oct 21
The cold reminds me of days at the wall
sheltering under the evergreens
away from the falling rain
and the lectures about wasted days

when every hour felt like an eternity
when we wished for the seasons to change
when all we wanted was to grow up

oh what a waste
Oct 8 · 372
Champagne
Bansi Adroja Oct 8
I can blame the champagne
for signing my heart away
to cheap thrills
bruised knees

On the back of your motorbike
riding through the city
as if life made sense

The Springsteen records you played
were stuck in my head

Just like you
Oct 7 · 390
Blip
Bansi Adroja Oct 7
It was just a momentary blip
when I saw you for who you are

A lapse in my better judgement
to have listened to you
and heard the words you said
instead of editing it all in my head

So we look like a movie

So we look like we’re in love
Oct 5 · 52
Hate
Bansi Adroja Oct 5
I hate that I still smile
about the joke you told
on our first date

I hate that I still remember
the way you said my name
under clear skies and stars
made the ground shake

I hate that we were something
that i’ll never be able to replace
Oct 1 · 350
Crush
Bansi Adroja Oct 1
Kids still smoke under the tree
where we used to hide between classes
where I told Tom I loved him
a life time ago
but it still feels like who I am
the girl with the crush on the guy in the band
Crush
Sep 30 · 558
Dark
Bansi Adroja Sep 30
I miss the summer
when I couldn’t stop thinking about you
falling asleep to your voice at 3am
sharing stories of who we’d been
before that day in October
in the cold and the rain

I miss that feeling
of being safe wrapped up in your arms
in the back of the pub
when it felt like my world was falling apart
hiding away from everything

Before it all went dark
Sep 28 · 104
Falling
Bansi Adroja Sep 28
We talk like strangers
bemoan the weather
the traffic in the city these days

Everything we should say disappears

All the messy feelings
the late night meetings
sharing every detail of our days

In the spaces in between
we forget each of the last ten years
we fade from each other

Is this falling out of love?
because it hurts
Sep 8 · 150
Regret
Bansi Adroja Sep 8
I would have stayed in London
not given away my heart
and left it with the wrong person
spent a few nights on beaches
under clear skies and stars
in a Miami sunset haze
Maybe I’d be by the sea
or living the big city dream
be a new version of myself
a person I always wanted to be
Nostalgic regret
Aug 20 · 149
Same
Bansi Adroja Aug 20
We still listen to the same bands
Walk the same streets
And think about the same boys that broke our hearts
When the only thing that mattered was the next class we had
Or who kissed who by the bike sheds

When 3pm was the end of the day
And we lived for every mistake we made
Because it didn't matter that we hated this town
And it didn't matter who we let down
We'd become something bigger than
Just names etched into a desk
And all of the tears shed

We'd love and learn
And forget

The only thing is  
After a decade and some change
After miles away
And time for it all to fade

It's still all the same
Nostalgia at its finest
Jul 16 · 269
21
Bansi Adroja Jul 16
21
Life was simple at twenty-one
there was hope for us
there was a chance we’d be
all of the things we promised we’d be
living on the coast
tangled in each other's arms
under skies full of stars
watching the waves roll in  
a world away from anyone
anything we know
Memories I will always want to relive
Jul 10 · 290
Film
Bansi Adroja Jul 10
It felt like a film

Those rose tinted days in the city
the rush at Liverpool Street
running late on my twenty first birthday
waiting on the circle line
in the cold winter sunshine
I remember coffee in the tiny cafe
when everyone turned to look at us laugh

It felt as if the world made sense
as if we’d found the place we needed to be
tucked away in a corner sharing stories
as if we’d known each other forever
like soul mates made of the same star
I knew I never wanted to leave your side
Memories that make me weepy
Jul 4 · 255
Thoughts
Bansi Adroja Jul 4
I think about us in the dark
walking the back streets in the city
taking the long way home
hand in hand
sharing laughs and whispers
full of hope

I think about us
in a tiny house in the country
we'd rattle about in our old age
with climbing roses
and rocking chairs on the porch

I think about us
on lazy Sunday mornings
in perfect sleep drunk silence
your favourite black coffee
the crossword puzzles I never finish
just in a haze

I think about us
and sometimes it hurts
because of who we are
A distant past and a hazy future
May 26 · 185
Hands
Bansi Adroja May 26
I would take every fight
every single heart break
for those three am phonecalls
wishing I could call you home

I would take every single disconnect
every time we tripped
falling in and out of sync
over ten long years and more

I would hold your hand
on the sofa in front of the TV
while we talk about nothing at all
disappearing every evening like a bottle of red

I would do anything
to relive the moments we missed
all over again
because after all this time
you still have my heart in your hands
And I will always wish yours was mine
Reminiscent
May 6 · 454
Adrift
Bansi Adroja May 6
We used to picture a life at sea
at the mercy of the waves
and the setting sun
lost under stars
drifting further apart
contained in a space
too small
for the tragedies  
told by aching hearts
We had a plan
Apr 29 · 299
Weather
Bansi Adroja Apr 29
We fell in love in October
sharing laughs
and lemon sherbets

while everyone else faded away

We fell in love in the dark
when breathing hurt
and every day was the same

stuck alone with our pasts

We fell in love in the rain
waiting for the clouds to clear
and for weather to change

we fell in love when we shouldn't have done

but we wouldn't want it to change
Off the cuff
Apr 17 · 646
Sleep
Bansi Adroja Apr 17
Sometimes I talk in my sleep
more than I do in reality

in a haze of make believe
some particular deceit

woven in amongst fears
and doubts  

stories of better days
daydreams noted down
Sleep deprivation
Apr 14 · 184
Happiness
Bansi Adroja Apr 14
Happiness is a day dream
spent in a London haze
summer in the park
laying in the grass

It’s a distant memory
of drinking white wine
talking about who we were
who we wanted to be

It’s a familiar ghost
like the faded colours
of that corner
on Blue Boar street
Melancholic
Jan 4 · 240
Fantasy
Bansi Adroja Jan 4
You are the feeling of walking in the cold
wrapped up in scarves and winter coats
a familiar song playing
at full volume in my ears
each step detached from the world
held in suspension from reality
as weightless as the sunlight

You are the fifth drink on a Friday night
hidden in the corner booth
in the same old bar
with the same stories retold
and the same laughs we always get
familiarity like warmth
like a whiskey

You are a fantasy
a safety blanket
just a nice place to be
Lust
Sep 2020 · 155
Stress
Bansi Adroja Sep 2020
Living is a case of accidental poisoning
watching ceilings at three am
dissociative days drowning in caffeine
to stay awake
to stay ahead
as anxiety taps your shoulder
an uneasy aching body
always wanting more
sleep
appetite
will to survive
I've been thinking lately about how much stress is like poison slowly shutting down your health and ability to function.
Aug 2020 · 247
Digital
Bansi Adroja Aug 2020
I am fading from real life
turning into notifications
an unread inbox
of messages with emojis
(instead of emotion)
stuck behind blue light
just a digital version
of hope and hurt
Working From Home
Jun 2020 · 1.1k
Depression
Bansi Adroja Jun 2020
Depression is
a life lived under water
numb to feeling
robbed of sound
falling
rising in the tide
at the whim of the waves
heavy
and hopeless
Depression
Apr 2020 · 200
Home
Bansi Adroja Apr 2020
You are my safe space
the feeling of lazing in the sun
sand between my toes
listening to waves rolling in
holding melting ice-cream
as we rush to eat every scoop

A Sunday stroll
in hazy morning light
our feet keeping time
as we try to unpick our lives
in the darkened corners of the Pitt Rivers
You are the only place I want to be

The only person I need
Safe
Apr 2020 · 209
Disappearing
Bansi Adroja Apr 2020
Sometimes I feel like a person
all the wishes and wants
of someone who loves
and can be loved
in a surrealist way

Sometimes I feel immaterial
a collection of tangled ideas
lost in someones head
slowly waiting
unraveling
on the way to disappearing
Depression
Mar 2020 · 165
Static
Bansi Adroja Mar 2020
Sometimes its feels like we're talking
through train station speakerphones
muffled by static and noise
screaming our lungs out
to no one at all
while life just rolls on by
disappearing under tracks
with so little regard
A day of feeling like static
Feb 2020 · 147
Love
Bansi Adroja Feb 2020
Love is
Fond memories of a city we hate
Conversations whispered at 3am
Holding hands on Blue Boar Street on my twenty second birthday
Always wishing it was summer in Regents Park that one day

Love is
Crying in the car on a Wednesday morning because of distance
Staring blankly at a phone screen
Debating calling to hear you on the voice mail
An empty side of the bed you should claim

Love is

Love was

Love will be

You
Soppy and not my usual style
Feb 2020 · 251
Edge
Bansi Adroja Feb 2020
The smell of your shirt
when you talked me down from the edge
the middle of winter
in an overcrowded pub
has been my sanity

The sound of your voice
on a crowded bus late Friday night
my escape from reality
from the moment we met
you've been the one
who saved me
Nostalgic and sad
Feb 2020 · 278
Lunacy
Bansi Adroja Feb 2020
We lose each other in the chaos
the everyday shopping lists
the never ending conference calls
the things that feel pointless
empty

When we finally stop to
breathe
to feel

Momentary sanity
amid suffocating lunacy
of it always being everything else
over us
Midweek mood
Jan 2020 · 172
Tuesday
Bansi Adroja Jan 2020
How funny it is
to be fleeting,
a momentary lapse in your judgement
an imperfection on an otherwise
pristine existence
a reminder of your weakness
the need to feel
to connect
to care
Honeymoon Over
Jan 2020 · 200
Bright
Bansi Adroja Jan 2020
There are days like the brilliance of the first snow
brightness that almost blinds
full hearts
heavy sighs
slowing down time
while grasping at straws
for a way out from under reality and it's spot light
A feeling
Jan 2020 · 161
Interiors
Bansi Adroja Jan 2020
No one knows the interiors of our lives
all of the tragedies we survive on a daily basis
with the monsters in our homes
days disappeared by ghosts
our love lost
to someone
something so unworthy
Misery pit on a Friday
Nov 2019 · 250
Jaded
Bansi Adroja Nov 2019
I keep you in my pocket
a constant charm
reminder of the good times
old days
spent young and foolish
in the summer sun
living in love songs
forever
all night long
we go on...
Opposite day
Nov 2019 · 326
Hibernation
Bansi Adroja Nov 2019
The city always reminds me of you
amber leaves in Hyde Park
your coffee under the trees keeping my hands warm

Our nervous laughs
all the way to our love lost somewhere in the dark
cold shoulders through phone fights

But we never walk away
from a chance of feeling something
like that first date

Hearts out of hibernation

I loved you from that moment
our borrowed time
lost in October sunshine
Far from perfection
Oct 2019 · 187
Different
Bansi Adroja Oct 2019
Wish we'd met at a different time
as different people
living their lives in a different way
lost inside a big city
with so much space to grow
into each others arms
a real meeting of the hearts
as poets in usual haunts
or suits looking for a thrill
after a week of number crunching
over beer, pizza
and enough stories to fill a lifetime
only pausing for breath
only pausing to say
ain't it funny
how we met this way
Hindsight
Oct 2019 · 897
Belong
Bansi Adroja Oct 2019
You belong to the credit card statements on your coffee table
to your bosses emails at 7pm
to plans you can't cancel
to conversations that just don't end

You belong to morning commutes
to browsing produce same time every Tuesday
to the caffeine fix it you missed
to sad days you want to escape

You belong to everything
but you
Belonging
Oct 2019 · 218
Fair-weather
Bansi Adroja Oct 2019
Fair-weather love is all the rage
like plastic wine glasses
lost in the grass

A summer haze

Fair-weather love is all the rage
And we are just having one of those days
Forever
Aug 2019 · 250
Shore
Bansi Adroja Aug 2019
We are always falling together
like the waves and shore
pulling apart
at every opportunity
but addicted to each other
in a way only we know
under the moonlight
waiting for a sunrise
on and on
we go
It's just you.
Jul 2019 · 335
Dizzy
Bansi Adroja Jul 2019
I still think about when we first met
sometime in late  October
with rain in your hair
the sound of a beer cracking open
the sinking feeling
of just knowing
A poem stuck in my head.
Apr 2019 · 462
Stargazer
Bansi Adroja Apr 2019
I was a stargazer
sky watcher
full of hope
tracing pictures in clouds
(cats on surfboards and such)
with bright sunlight
or deep blue midnight
until it ended
with a crushing sunrise
A Poem a Day: Return from the abyss
Mar 2019 · 234
Unstuck
Bansi Adroja Mar 2019
I always thought you’d be the one that stuck
through the three am fights on our phones
through cold winters
and even colder shoulders
but here we are undone
untethered
in the worst kind of way
unstuck
A Poem a Day: Fading out
Feb 2019 · 263
Home
Bansi Adroja Feb 2019
I love the idea of us
having a place of our own
somewhere to share discussions
about the meaning of life
and drink good wine
a place we can hide
from the world
and all of it's cruelties

I imagine us choosing the paint
or the perfect coffee table
being content with the small act
of decisive stability
we chose to be there
together
in the place
that feels like home
A Poem a Day: Day dreaming home
Feb 2019 · 354
Wilderness
Bansi Adroja Feb 2019
We're all just zeros and ones
on a mailing list somewhere
we signed up for
on a whim

Waiting for days to pass
into darkness and oblivion
because who knows
if we matter
in the grand scheme of things

Against this background
of wars and weather change
we fight battles with paperwork
who's turn it was
to load the dishwasher

Who would notice
if we disappeared
lost in the wilderness
A Poem a Day: Monday Mood
Feb 2019 · 270
Wish
Bansi Adroja Feb 2019
You stand in the school yard
waiting for the bell to ring
for the day to disappear
they tell you not to
wish away your life
but you want to be someone
outside of those gates

These will be the days
you ant back later in life
they tell you
but you're not so sure

They don't tell you
about 9am tedium
hours spent in traffic
endless forms about taxes

Days lost behind your desk
watching the clock
wishing for the day to end
as you keep your head above
the bills, deadlines
and desperately needed alone time
A Poem a Day: Sunday Blues
Feb 2019 · 236
Promises
Bansi Adroja Feb 2019
Wanting is a strange feeling
an abstract emotion
that can tie you up
in all sorts of ways
days undercover hiding
or running away
from a ghost
a promise
something tangible
A Poem a Day: What do you want from life?
Jan 2019 · 264
Caught
Bansi Adroja Jan 2019
We're halfway between
two different worlds
caught up amongst the chaos
of all the colours
fighting against the dark side
of cigarettes at the back
of the bars we shouldn't be in
glasses of gin or something
more like liquid guilt
A Poem a Day: Finally starting 2019
Dec 2018 · 927
Blue
Bansi Adroja Dec 2018
He told me he loved me
on a Tuesday night
sometime in summer

Straight after work
heels kicked off
a ball on the sofa

He told me he loved me
and I felt light
like running

My heart is a stone
heavy
unmoving

It doesn't care for
pretty blue eyes
or his pretty little lies
A Poem a Day: Fear of Intimacy
Dec 2018 · 213
Rage
Bansi Adroja Dec 2018
I feel waves of rage
anger that I can't place
it consumes me
bubbles in soda cups
fizzling out
slowing
A Poem a Day: Anger
Dec 2018 · 258
Dreamscape
Bansi Adroja Dec 2018
It's odd how much people change
old friends from childhood
feel like strangers
and you wonder
whatever happened to them

I have changed too
detached from myself in a way
it's almost uncomfortable
not feeling like me
like a dreamscape
it is almost somewhere safe
A Poem a Day: Disassociation 101
Nov 2018 · 434
Existance
Bansi Adroja Nov 2018
It's a funny feeling
not wanting to exist
it's overpowering
suffocating
but I feel it

Laying still at midnight
wishing away time
for it all to stop
the anxiety
the constant drowning

What a waste of sunlight
what a strange way to be
A Poem a Day: Depression
Oct 2018 · 705
Toys
Bansi Adroja Oct 2018
I keep you in my back pocket
for lonely Sunday evenings
or Tuesdays when he doesn't come home
when he's busy with something else
someone else

You hate me for it
and I hate me too
for calling when I shouldn't
for needing you
when I really shouldn't
A Poem a Day : Guity 3am Phone Lines
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