Thinking about you ***** me up these days
like missed alarms in the morning
watching the train leave
spilling the coffee you really need

It reminds me that the best days have gone
passed by in a baby blue haze
in parks pretending to be absolutely anything
but who we are in reality

It feels like a wake up call at three am
that everlasting love doesn’t exist
in the cold of the city streets  
outside of the movies we used to see

Growing up and growing apart
With nothing to show for it
but a handful of memories of sparks
and stories about how it starts

Now I’m tired and feel old
walking past the street we first kissed
wondering if losing love is romantic
or if there is something I’ve missed

We used to lay by the window looking up at the stars
pressed together on a tiny single bed
listening to the people walking around upstairs
talking about the dreams we had when we were sixteen
and how much the world had changed since then

I used to know everything about you
like you were the back of my hand
just another part of me I couldn't live without
but now I drink the coffee you like and forget the colour of your eyes
and the way your voice sounded when you told me you loved me for the first time

We talk about the weather and our families
pretending we aren't complete strangers
who used to share a love story we thought we'd be telling forever
and maybe it'll hurt less with passing time
that the promises we made turned into lies

It's the fraying nerves listening to passing sirens at three am
a long day spent distracted by the ringing in your ears
the hum of of your heartbeat like an alarm bell when you need sleep
drowning when you just want a moment of peace

A persistent companion,
darling anxiety

I wish I could wax lyrical about you
like I used to
write sonnets about the constellations
above the corner of Hyde Park
where we first met
the ground shaking beneath our feet
and my wine drunk honesty
as if we haven’t aged by a decade of disappointment
waiting on the same lies we tell eachother
falling out of love one letter at a time

It’s strange talking about work and the weather
as if we didn’t spend almost a decade
wrapped up in each other

Somewhere out on the water
talking about forever
as if it was just another Tuesday

You were always trying to teach me how to sail
but I never really listened
still I was in love with your voice
and the way you’d stop to kiss me
when I complained about the cold
till it didn’t matter anymore

Sometimes I wish we’d never come ashore
stayed out there where time didn’t matter
and nothing changed

We could have disappeared over the horizon
into the proverbial sunset
we would have stayed golden

I like traditions
reading the same book on holiday every summer
watching Frasier re-runs with my morning coffee
going to the same restaurant on my birthday
with the same seven friends
meeting at the pub on the corner
for a white wine buzz before heading to the city

Crawling back to you like I do every time
and promising myself I won’t