I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you

If you lay awake staring at the ceiling at three am
thinking about kisses in the corners of parties
we didn’t want to go to

Walking the long way home as if we don’t feel the cold
dizzy and drunk under street lights and stars
lost somewhere in the city arm in arm

The sound of your voice on the back of my neck
on lazy Sundays when we have no reason to leave the bed

I wonder if any of this would make sense to you

If you romanticise us in the same way I do

You were my entire night sky
Now I drive home in the dark without looking up

The songs that reminded me of you still play on the radio
But I don't think of that summer in the city when I hear them anymore

I fell in love again
And I want to tell you I hate it because it's not the same
It never could be

Seasons change and so did we
I'm better now in some ways but without you feels worse

And I wonder if you feel the same

I'm just a shell

Made up of components that sound pleasing to the ears

Sweet words scribbled on napkins in cafes
Fleeting memories in photographs hidden away

Small enough to keep in your back pocket

Small enough to disappear

Never one to stick around
No reason to stay

Being in love with you feels habitual
Like living with a ghost

Kisses on the corner of Blue Boar Street
Walks in comfortable silence when we both should have just gone home
Coffee breaks to talk about philosophy

Old rituals like old friends

It feels lived in and familiar
In the best and worst way

It feels like I should have learnt from every past mistake I've ever made

I feel like crawling out of my skin
in this unseasonably warm weather
summer night hazes in mid-October
t-shirts and aircon
and everything else that feels wrong
for where we should be
and how far this year’s gone