I feel like crawling out of my skin
in this unseasonably warm weather
summer night hazes in mid-October
t-shirts and aircon
and everything else that feels wrong
for where we should be
and how far this year’s gone

Falling out of love with you feels like survivors guilt
Like growing pains

Echos of teenage dramatics
Forever etched into the bark of trees long felled

The bittersweet sting of irony

The grass isn't greener
Out in the wilderness with no path to follow
No north star to guide me home

No sense of freedom to speak of
No new day, fresh start, weight lifted

Falling out of love with you feels like the worst thing I've ever done

Thinking about you ***** me up these days
like missed alarms in the morning
watching the train leave
spilling the coffee you really need

It reminds me that the best days have gone
passed by in a baby blue haze
in parks pretending to be absolutely anything
but who we are in reality

It feels like a wake up call at three am
that everlasting love doesn’t exist
in the cold of the city streets  
outside of the movies we used to see

Growing up and growing apart
With nothing to show for it
but a handful of memories of sparks
and stories about how it starts

Now I’m tired and feel old
walking past the street we first kissed
wondering if losing love is romantic
or if there is something I’ve missed

We used to lay by the window looking up at the stars
pressed together on a tiny single bed
listening to the people walking around upstairs
talking about the dreams we had when we were sixteen
and how much the world had changed since then

I used to know everything about you
like you were the back of my hand
just another part of me I couldn't live without
but now I drink the coffee you like and forget the colour of your eyes
and the way your voice sounded when you told me you loved me for the first time

We talk about the weather and our families
pretending we aren't complete strangers
who used to share a love story we thought we'd be telling forever
and maybe it'll hurt less with passing time
that the promises we made turned into lies

It's the fraying nerves listening to passing sirens at three am
a long day spent distracted by the ringing in your ears
the hum of of your heartbeat like an alarm bell when you need sleep
drowning when you just want a moment of peace

A persistent companion,
darling anxiety

I wish I could wax lyrical about you
like I used to
write sonnets about the constellations
above the corner of Hyde Park
where we first met
the ground shaking beneath our feet
and my wine drunk honesty
as if we haven’t aged by a decade of disappointment
waiting on the same lies we tell eachother
falling out of love one letter at a time