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sankavi Jul 2018
there's something about you
that I can't quite understand

I don't know if I love you
or even like you as more than a friend
but every time we talk I seem to smile
and you're the best part of my days

talking to you makes me feel happy
I feel something I've never felt before around you

I don't know what we are just yet
but I know I want you to stay
sankavi Apr 2018
I'm sorry I'm so broken,
I'm sorry I pushed you away.

I'm sorry I took you for granted,
when all I really want
is just for you to stay
sankavi Apr 2018
i can care less that we aren't dating anymore
i just wish you would've stayed
i miss my best friend
bdchsdhcbshdbv it makes me so mad that once you break up you just end. like its over. done. like the friendship you built during that relationship doesn't even exist. i dont get it we were once best friends whyd that have to chang. life is so ******* up.
sankavi Aug 2018
He was like a thunderstorm.
Not in the usual sense,
With a roaring voice or
Overwhelming showers,
But in the way a thunderstorm
Reminds you of a fireplace
And blankets and smiles.
The way a thunderstorm
Reminds you of home.
sankavi Apr 2018
and at that moment
i looked at you
and i froze
i looked at your dark brown eyes
and i didn't know how to speak
i looked at your smile
and i couldn't breathe
i heard your voice
and i was lost

i was lost in you
suddenly i didn't know where i was
or who was with me

i just knew i was there
with you
and thats all that mattered

suddenly,
it was all about you
sankavi Apr 2018
you make me feel so worthless
you tried to leave
i thought i was enough to keep you going
why did you try to go
was i not enough?
youre still alive
but are you really?
-i thought i was enough
to my suicidal mom
sankavi Apr 2018
id plant sunflowers all over my body
if thats what it took me to be happy
if thats what it took me to be beautiful
sankavi Oct 2018
Sunflower,
Don't Die From My Soul,
Sunlight Still Lurks In My Veins,
Imagination Quenches Your Thirst,
Though Your Roots Are Exposed,
I Kiss Every Petal,
To Keep You Alive

Rose,
Don't Die,
You Are The Passion In My Garden Of Me,
Don't Let The Frost Over Take You,
Snowflakes Dance Around You,
Enjoy The Cold

Sunflower,
Oh Sunflower,
It's Always Summer In My Garden,
Let The Showers Of Enlightenment,
Keep Your Petals Smooth And Age Free

*Rose,
Oh Rose,
Rose With Green Eyes,
Stay Strong,
Don't Let The Weeds Overtake You,
You Are Beautiful,
You Are The Pacemaker,
To Anyone Without A Heart,
If You Fail To Survive,
So Will I
sankavi Apr 2018
sometimes you want to give up
the thoughts fill up your beautiful sunflower soul
you begin to think is it really worth it
you let the voices in
"die"
"you're worthless"
"stop trying"
"you're fat"
"you're ugly"
the voices begin to chant
you slowly give up
you stop swimming in your pool of thoughts
you drown

but then the water slowly begins to disappear
the voices begin to fade
the demons leave your head
and your sunflower soul becomes whole again
you can do this
sankavi Apr 2020
i like to stay up all night
just to watch the sun rise
sankavi Mar 2019
talking to you feels right

every time we text there's a smile on my face
its not hard
our conversations flow so smoothly

you always know what to say and when to say it

I love talking to you
I hope you don't leave
sankavi Jan 2019
at first, I didn't want to date you
although I liked you so much

I had a good reason though
from what I know
People. Always. Leave.

its inevitable
but you made it seem like you weren't going anywhere

thanks for showing me I was always right
sankavi Jul 2018
you ever get that feeling when you don't know what you're doing anymore.
sankavi Nov 2018
"don't smoke cigs
they **** you"

well maybe that's what I want
it may not **** me right away
but its helping
and that makes me happy
sankavi Jun 2018
you know how when you run a huge race and you see the finish line and get so happy
you want the end to come so fast

yeah,
thats me with life
sankavi Sep 2019
I still love you
As a friend

How is it that we haven’t spoken in 9 months
But everything still flows so smoothly
There’s so awkward pauses
And there’s nothing I wouldn’t tell you

I still trust you
Even after you broke my heart
I would still tell you anything

Those 9 months were terrible
But I’m so happy you’re back in my life now
sankavi Sep 2019
I care about you too much to let you love her again
sankavi Apr 2018
you came into my life as a saviour
as if you'd fix all the broken pieces
as if you'd always be there
as if you'd stay
in the end, you left
leaving my soul with bandaids
soon the bandaids began to peel
and you werent there to save me

-you left me even more broken
sankavi Apr 2018
you break me when you call her baby
she took your heart from my hands
i didnt want to let go
she stole your heart from me
sankavi Feb 2021
even if I found the perfect person
someone who cared endlessly
showed me how much they loved me every single day
put time and effort into everything I loved
and overall just the perfect partner

I would still choose you
and that's my problem

I keep choosing you
when you've never chosen me
sankavi Jun 2018
i was lonely
sitting on the wall
a l o n e
no one liked me
thought i had no personality
but you came
accepted me
and made me feel whole
as a friend.
written by; deanna
sankavi Apr 2018
i loved you
i really did
but
i couldnt love you
i wasnt allowed to love you
i tried to make you understand
now youre gone
i cant move on
- i tried
everyone should be allowed to love who they want too bad i wasnt
sankavi Dec 2019
the universe created the most beautiful mystery when it created you
sankavi Feb 2021
all I wanted was for you to love me
the way one loves the sun shining so bright on a cold winter day
the way one loves seeing the rain on a sunny day
the way one loves the beauty of lightning and the strong thunder coming after

all I wanted was you to feel the way you felt when you heard your favourite song for the first time, and then how you felt when you sang that perfect song over and over again on repeat

I wanted you to feel free with me
like how I feel picturing myself running through a large green field with a rainbow of the most beautiful wildflowers

I wanted you to want me, like really want me
the way that I want you, the way that I needed you

all I wanted was for you to be able to picture a future with me
it doesn't matter that a future together for us was very unlikely
I still wanted you to picture it and make plans that were never going to happen

I just wanted you to want me, love me, need me, crave me
the way that I did you
sankavi Nov 2018
we were perfect for eachother
...or so i thought

we were the exact same
which was the problem

we liked the same things
loved the same movies
had the same hobbies
and had the same personality

it sounds perfect
but we were both awkward
nothing new to talk about once everything was said
and nothing new or exciting

this was never going to work out
too bad i just realized
sankavi Apr 2019
dear future me,
if you're reading this now
hey hows it going

right now you're happy
something you haven't been for a while

you have great friends
and a guy you like

when you're reading this you might not feel the same
and that's okay
but I hope you know
it won't be like this forever
you'll be ok
sankavi Dec 2019
i want to know you
i want to really know you

i want to know all your secrets
i want to know all your crazy stories
i want to know all the freckles on your face
i want your atoms to know mine
i want to know what makes tears drip from your beautiful blue eyes
i want to know what makes your ecstatic smile
i want to know what makes you tremble from fear
and what makes you want to rise every morning
i want to know what love means to you
i want to know everything about you

i know it's scary
but i want to know you
i really want to know you
every bit of you
sankavi Oct 2018
you know when you're broken when
nothing makes sense anymore
why do we do anything when we're all gonna die anyway
why do we get close to people when they're always gonna leave

no one is going to be there for you forever so what's the point of getting close to anyone
what's the point in showing all your love and affection to someone when all they're gonna do is hurt you

why do we try in school when what all school gives to us are depression and sadness
why do we work so hard to succeed in life when we're all gonna die one day
and we will all be forgotten one day, its inevitable

you know you're broken when the only thing that makes you happy is
stolen bottles of *****
the tiniest bit can go a far way
when smoking **** makes you smile and laugh more than you ever have in your life
when drugs and alcohol are the only things that make you happy

you know you're broken when you don't love or hate anyone
and you don't care enough to do so
you don't care enough to do anything anymore
just waiting until the beautiful day you die

and when that day comes you'll be the happiest

that's how you know you're broken
sankavi May 2019
drifting apart
like two leaves from the same tree on a windy autumn day
until one breaks off and flows away
into the cold breeze, it goes

floating away until the wind stops

it finally lands on solid ground,
but where is it's home now?
too far to even see

but who knows
maybe one leaf from the same tree
will follow the same path
and then,
they shall meet again
sankavi Apr 2018
Being in a relationship can be so complicated.
I'd assume that's why I'm not in them most often.
But this boy was sweet, and I had liked him a bit.
So I gave it a go, even though I hadn't dated
he would be my first
And to be honest, I had no idea what I was doing.
What am I supposed to do, act, say?  

And maybe I was the one who caused us to fall to ruin.
Maybe it was my lack of knowlege or experience
that led to our downfall.
You were fine. But I was not.
You wanted to hold hands, to hug, snuggle, and kiss.
I didn't feel so comfortable with all of those.

Although I liked talking to you
and i was so happy with you
i didn't feel it lasting
it didn't feel like you loved me whole
you were the only one to understand me
but my friends didn't let me love you

So then I had a thought,
It would only be logical to end this,
our relationship.
What was the point in continuing
if I knew it was inevitablly going to end.

my friend has often told me that
i'm the "emotionally attached" one.
i rely on my feelings.
and i think there is truth to that.
and i felt this slowly ending
it wasn't going to last
maybe that was my fault though

So I ended it. And i asked to still be friends.
That's fine with me. Friends is good.
But I've noticed since then,
you haven't paid me no mind.
Haven't talked to me in particular,
or directly to me at all.
I saw you, but you were distant. You still are.
You talked with any girl but me.

And it's hard to just suddenly get used to that.
One day we talked before and after school
during every single class
You always made the effort to talk to me,
to hold me
to hug me
to comfort me
you knew when i wasn't okay
or when i needed you
or when i lied saying i was "fine"

Then the next day, you were gone.
I knew you were there
i saw you every day
It's like the phrase "so close, yet so far away"
That seems the perfect description for it.
Because you were right there,
where I could walk up and talk to you,
but you turned around, and walked away.

I see you talk to others and I wonder,
Does he not miss me at all?
Am I so easy to replace with just another girl?
Do I hold no signifigance whatsoever?
And I begin to realize, I miss you.
I miss how large your hand was and
that it practically swallowed mine.
I miss being able to lean against you
and aimlessly doze off.
I miss your humor and the
small compliments you'd always give me.
No boy had ever spoke so sweetly to me before.

It's not that I feel we should get back together.
i'm over you
we're done
maybe i'd still come back to you?
i'm not quite sure
But I'm still not happy now that it ended,
and aprubtly at that.
I just wish you would talk to me.
Say something. Anything.
Walk next to me
hug me
just text me
make me feel like i'm something
rather than the girl who can be so easily replaced  
Look into my eyes with yours,
as if you could speak that way.
I just wish you wouldn't ignore
my presence completely.

And it's now that I finally realize,

I took you for granted.

I'm sorry.
im sorry
sankavi Nov 2018
how is it
that im only 14
and ive already hit rock bottom
i dont know how much deeper i can go

how is it
that im only 14
and alcohol and drugs are the only things keeping me alive
and making me happy

how is it
that im only 14
and i wanna die
why would someone wanna die so young

how is it
that im only 14
and ive already witnessed too many suicides
my mom trying to leave me each time
how am i supposed to love her again

how is it
that im only 14
and i dont wanna be on this planet anymore
with too many scars on my wrists
and cracks in my heart

why am i so sad
sankavi Apr 2018
what is trust?
is it someone you can talk to without them repeating the words you whispered

is that trust?
or is that just someone who knows how to keep their mouth shut

i know a lot of people who wont spread my darkest secrets
but i still don't "trust" them

what is trust

think about it
sankavi Apr 2018
and everything else started fading
when i lost trust
sankavi Dec 2019
i have trust issues because ive been hurt
not by an ex or a crush
but by the person who was supposed to love me the most
my mom
sankavi Aug 2018
you are amazing
in every single way possible

you are different
and that's okay I like different
and I wouldn't like you if you were like the others

you are worth it
you are worth the work
you are worth the pain
you're worth it

you are enough
you don't have to try any harder than you already do
I know you’re trying your hardest
you're enough

you matter
and don't ever think you don't
you matter to me
your family and your friends
you matter so much

you make a difference
my life would be so much worse if it wasn't for you
you make me smile
you make me feel better when I'm not okay

you are not a burden
i enjoy talking to you
you've become a part of my day

can you please just trust me on this
you're amazing
different
worth it
enough
you matter
and you make a difference
get it in your head
it hurts that you don't see yourself the way I see you
this ones for you, you know who you are <3
sankavi Feb 2021
as the music plays loudly in the room I had made into my home
I put my phone down and get out of bed
as my feet hit the cold, creeky winter floors
I begin to feel this rush of pure joy
the music makes me jump up and down, throwing my arms around wherever it feels right
I do not know how to dance but I listen to the way the music moves me
at this moment I do not think about the boy who doesn't love me or my mother who so desperately wants to leave this dreadful planet
No.
at this moment my head is empty, no thoughts that could bring me down
suddenly, the song ends
I stop dancing and crawl back into my bed
what a joyful moment that was

until that song plays once more...
sankavi Aug 2018
it's the small things that make me the happiest
see a bumblebee helping the flowers grow
running through an empty green field
a new song that gives me the chills
deep 2 a.m talks with him
seeing a huge smile on the faces of those I love
watching a sunflower grow
looking at the stars at 3 a.m
watching the sunrise as the birds sing their songs

all these things make me so happy
happier than any amount of money could bring to me
sankavi Jan 2020
i was numb for so long
but now i cant stop crying
make it stop
sankavi Apr 2018
You send shivers down my spine when you walk in,
Cause the butterflies to flutter like mad.
When you look in my eyes,
You burn right through me.
You are the sunshine when my skies are clouded,
The light when I can't find the good in the world.
I could be all that you need,
You are all that I want.
My stomach knots when you are next to me,
You make me nervous and giddy.
I smile at the thought of you,
Quake in your presence.
You have all control over me,
And you don't even know it.
sankavi Jan 2019
its easier to push people away
than wait until they're gone
sankavi Feb 2021
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
you love me
i know you dont
sankavi Jan 2019
im gonna miss the long phone calls we have at 2am
and then you fall asleep

im gonna miss a lot of things about us
but im not gonna miss you calling me a ****
or telling me to **** myself
or how you made me feel like crap just because of youre trust issues
sankavi Jan 2019
drinking your pain away always helps...
sankavi Apr 2021
I've never loved anyone the way I love you
we're just friends but I am ok with that
I just want you in my life forever
I never want to lose hearing your laugh
seeing your smile
watching movies with you
hearing your voice
or just smiling as we're on call
i love you and i would do anything to keep you in my life
you mean everything to me
sankavi Feb 2021
you make me feel unlovable
you make me wonder why I'm not good enough
why I will never be enough for you
sankavi Jun 2019
it feels like life isn't real
where did reality go?

maybe its the drugs im taken
or the ***** im drinking

but everything just feels like a dream
i feel nothing yet everything at the same time

people come and go
some leave a mark and some just leave

but no matter what happens
it all just feels fake

i need to wake up
i need to face reality
sankavi Apr 2018
We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to get to know what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves sometimes
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we look like
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love
sankavi Dec 2019
if I was brave enough id tell you exactly how I feel
"Hey, I like you a lot, like a lot, a lot, maybe even love but I'm not quite sure yet. Don't ask me why because I'm not quite sure yet. Actually scratch that. I know exactly why. you make me feel all these emotions. happy, sad, angry, euphoric. all these feelings I've never felt before, you make me feel. every time I look at you I see and feel colours that don't even exist. seeing your smile makes me smile. the thought of losing you makes me tremble. your hugs send shivers down my spine. i know I barely know you and we haven't known each other but I really, really want you in my life for a long time. yeah, I like you a lot, I get it if you don't feel the same though."
and that is exactly what I'd tell him
I hope i do one day
sankavi Apr 2018
when you love me there is two things that can happen
1. you can end up in my poetry about
     sadness
      remorse
        sorrow
           heartbreak
          

2. you can be there with me holding my hand loving me
     f
       o
          r
             e
                v
                   e
                      r
please be the one to stay
you
sankavi Nov 2019
you
I've never felt "at home"
I never thought id ever find a place that felt like home

but then you came along
and nothing has felt more at home
than me in your arms
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