It's begun, just as it is over
I'm still here, just as I am not
Life, death and rebirth are all the same.

I understand and I do not understand
I do (not) understand
I'm alive.

Everything I've ever known is more than what I thought
I've learned that through the eyes of the world
Just as the king has admitted his faults and his hurt
And it is now that I forever forgive him.

Just as I am the same, I am completely new
I don't hate myself anymore
I don't hate you anymore
So please, will it and stay with me.

Infinity isn't desirable, that is why our lives aren't limitless
We are here for a time and then suddenly, we're not
But we're still here then...
The us in others still lives on forever.

I have begun to learn to love myself
Just as I have begun to understand that I love you.

There is hope within me, even though what's left is emptiness
I smile as I glance upon the face of emptiness
Your face.
Her face.
My face.

The end is nigh, as is the beginning
I just have to will it
As this world is different than I thought.

Reality is just what I perceive it as.

I want you to stay in my reality
Not everything, not everyone
But you're important
And we're important.

And with that, The Third Child's words have ended.
And with that, The Third Child's tears have ended.
And with that, The Third Child's wants have ended.
But with that, The Third Child's journey has begun.

I love you.

Komm, süsser Tod.

I've been asked so many questions by these dreams.
My reality, my ideas are being questioned.
What is the world?
It's all that's around me.
What is the world?
It's everyone and everything.
What is the world?
It's what I see and feel?
Is that what your world is?
I... think so.

Who are you?
I'm Johnny.
Who are you?
I'm an artist.
Who are you?
I'm the pilot, The Third Child, the poet, the unwanted man.
Who are you?
That is me! What do you want from me?
Who are you?
I'm... I hate myself.
Is that who you are?
I... don't know.

Why do you write?
Because it helps me relieve myself of my feelings.
Why do you write?
Because I need to share my artistry.
Why do you write?
Because I want people to notice me.
Why do you write?
Because I want to be loved!
Why do you write?
I just want love.

Why?
Because I'm alone.
Why?
I hurt myself.
Why?
I hate myself.
Why?
I DON'T KNOW!
Why?
I... I...

What is this world to you?
It's pain, it's emptiness.
You probably just made yourself think that.
Everybody hates me.
You probably just made yourself think that.
I hate me.
You probably just made yourself think that.
Everything is terrible, I hate it all.
You probably just made yourself think that.
You... You're lying to me!
You probably just made yourself think that.
I don't know what's real anymore.

That's no issue. Take some time.
Your friends will help you understand reality sooner or later.

I'm tired of waking up in situations
Where I'm the one in suspended animation
The dreams are more prevalent these days
Since there's some more for us in the fray
I'd love saying they don't matter
But they're honestly far better

The dreams are suddenly telling me more
Always waking with my mind and body sore
Where in my dreams, my wings don't take me far
I never even got close enough to the desired star
I'm irrelevant to me, when I'm the most relevant
I'm the best, the stongest, smartest, the most elegant
But the king still doesn't mind
So I shall never come to unwind

I wish my armor still protected me
But instead, a god is what I must be
A pillar of shining light and hope
To help the First and Second on their downward *****

In the meantime, I've started losing myself
I hear them all in my mind, calling my name
It tears me apart.

There are other worlds, they whispered
One hands me a cage, I'm his bird
I left myself in there to die
An eagle without wings can't fly
Think of new worlds within these walls
But never leave to see them all
Never know the way they did fall
Just eat your seeds, my tired dear

The piano jingles, it speaks
The brass is smiling, it creaks
The ensemble's finally ready to play
They are all here so people make way
The music starts, bass moanin'
Albert, Charles, Art groanin'
All these beautiful sounds, just like life
But I don't hear any of them
None of this is real

What a wonderful world, where people can come to life
A place, where ones like me lead like a butter through a knife
A land, where people like us, they're lead by the meek
A land, where all I can call myself is just weak
I have so many memories of this place that I'll never share
Seeing things, learning things, but to talk of them I'd never dare
All my memories will be lost in time, just like yours or theirs
That's just how the average tiny man in this world fares
A land, where all of us live only to learn and then die
Where that knowledge isn't shared, it's just yours or mine
Where we raise our sons and daughters not knowing our fate
After this, living in a fair, equal world is something I'd hate

Mother... father... you've raised someone such as yourselves
Someone who's ripe for this world's picking, someone well
I must thank all ancestors for making us so wretched
It's easier for us and the world to bury the hatchet
I don't hate you anymore, mom and dad.
You made me willing to die right.

Such a powerless little being
It can't believe what it's seeing
The world is so huge and wonderful
Everything's large, his eyes are full
But they're all feasting on his naivete
The world's set on making him rue the day

Feet constantly stomping
Insects constantly chomping
Each of them a tiny earthquake
They leave destruction in their wake
And he's the one constantly being bitten
The shakes are there to make the world ridden
Of this tiny being.

But after the bombs strike and they all die...
The cockroach is still there to survive
It is questioning itself forevermore
"Why wasn't I cast to the shores?"
"The shores of Heaven, I mean."
"Do the Gods not want me?"
He forever ponders.

Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies
Do you ever say the truth, Ben?
One of these days, you'll be your own demise
You've got to square up, man
I'm forgiving, I don't strike the iron easy
But your constant stream of lies, now and then
It impacts me, it makes me think about who you are to me
You're a horrible person, Ben.
You're full of yourself, you're a liar, you're egoistic
You've never given me anything worthy of my time
I wouldn't ever call you my friend, Ben.
Yet you seem to cling to me, like a fly to a box of ****
I call myself bad names often, but compared to you?
I'm truly a heart of gold, Ben.

"Niche." That's a word that has been used.
Although describing me is fairly difficult.
"Intense." Could also cut it, or just "Abused."
But look at me, making myself out to be "Occult."

In reality, it's not about me or what I write,
Pretending that the pen I use possesses some might.
I feel absolutely disgusted by this, shed some light
On what I should be doing to change, this isn't right.

At the end of the day, it'll always be him and the suit.
The story of why he refused to enter is this tale's root.
But somehow I still make it about myself, I'm selfish.
If only I'd tried, nothing would be so awkward and niche.

Selene sat in her cradle for many months
While her brother was always on so many fronts
But these few moments or months are hers
As the crippling and demanding cold stirs
Such pure whiteness all around these nights
In conditions like these, nobody picks fights
The loveliest, loneliest, most bothered days
But soon, the people of conflict will enter the fray
Helios comes again.

Thinking about control
I have never had a role
I've been meaning to be
Someone to be proud of
But since I cannot see
I have turned myself off

I wish I was more like The First or The Second
Or anyone else who isn't like me, take my word
All people wanted from me was to do what I can
And even that was too much from this broken man

I have dreamt more than once now
I always miss the innocent "Wow."
Seeing wonder for the first time
It's impossible to put into rhyme

I miss becoming the knight of sobriety
Vanishing angels, defending society
I miss the appraisal of my king
But the real one's life does sting
He pretends to give love where he can
But he'd have to stop drinking then

Age is just a number.
You don't have to say things to mean things.
There's no way to determine whether it's a lie.

These are all sentences used to cover up sins.
But they're all legitimate claims in some ways.
That's what I am, too.
Nothing but an enigma, isn't that true?

Before I sleep (If I can sleep)
I wash my teeth, I shower, I weep
I am pathetic
Now that I'm awake (Not that I'm awake)
I wash my teeth, I shower, I bake
I am pathetic

But while I was asleep
I didn't always weep
When I dream of people I know, they hate me
But sometimes I see images of who I can be
I've been mafia, I've been a serial killer
I've been a terrorist or a simple dealer
I've made noise and I've made hurt
I'm always terrible, but no matter
When I dream like that, I hurt myself never
So that makes me wish I could sleep forever

I know now, or in a sense...
I've always known, I've always known
That I don't care about real life
It's hard to care if you never were.
But if I'm not real...
Will people care for me?
Will death just accept me?
Or do I have to stay and tell my story?
Either way, I'm more than unreal, less than real.
And I'm more conscious than I've ever been...
In a sense, I'm alive.

Johnny, Johnny
He wants money
Never cared much
Just art and such
He's dreaming a red star
Is Hopeful of his bar
And then he died
The whole world lied
Said he was a saint
But I know he ain't
Johnny, Johnny
Hurray, hurray

Hey, friend.
It's been a minute since we could talk.
I thought I'd steal your life for a minute and we'd walk.
I need someone to listen and I'm selfish enough,
To just take it for myself and be incredibly rough.
Of course, I'm not serious, don't fret.
You're looking at me different from back then I bet.
I haven't changed at all, my emotions dime a dozen.
I still love you so much, but I know your heart doesn't.
I've been empty since I left you, but I won't ask you to come back.
I remember how we could have been and I wouldn't cut you no slack.
I wish I was still there, resting my head in your lap.
Getting kissed by you, using your legs to take my nap.
I wish I could take back the drying blood from my hands.
My own or his or hers or theirs, I don't know, my psyche bends.
Don't worry, I'm not taking my own blood from me.
That's what my friends are for, good people, they help, see?
We've been playing around, doing some... knife play.
It's been making me all better cutting all that way.
These days I'm cold, I'm sick, I'm hurt, I'm ravaged.
There's more holes in my soul than on my body, I am damaged.
I've been taken apart by my friends and family and myself.
My conscious frozen solid and placed right up on a shelf.
But you couldn't help me anymore, you have your things yourself.
Take my word of advice and please take care of your shelf.
I must leave for now, knife play waits, I'll never see you again.
I hope you see me as the hopeless kids we were right there and then.
Please never live without my smile in your heart.
Please forget my death and take me back to the start.
And with that, I take my leave, I love you.
I always have. I always will.
Remember my seed in you.
Remember my ruin in you.
Remember my blood.
Sincerely,
"J"

Her name was Suha
I'm not like Suha
I wish I wasn't like her at all
Dear God, I hate myself, let me fall
Why has this world cursed me so, oh, let me die

Suha told me it was okay
She told me there is a way
Why do I not believe her at all
Why do I think she's so wrong, let me fall
I'm old enough to want to leave so just let me die

I hate my body
I hate my personality
Why do I have to be like her all in all
Why was I born to be Suha, let me fall
I'm breaking my wings and jumping, just let me die

I am nobody
And love doesn't want me
Why is this fretless guitar of mine my all
It can't play any notes, just let me fall
My music will sound off in your head, just let me die

Feelings of inadequacy
Something not all of you can see
I've felt lonely all my life
One great, endless bitter strife
Until I met you

I never loved anything until I loved you
But you're so far from me, what do I do?
I can't feel anything but bitter cold
Is this the price of the happiness sold

From now on, I think of no one
But this beloved no one
You cannot see me anymore
No, I am nothing, no more

I've gone missing
No longer exist
One day, I hope
I'm someone you'd miss
But did you ever love me?

The bells of the cathedral we're standing in,
Seething hate, rage, everything horrid within.
The ritualistic percussion sounds off in my head
As I'm looking right ahead. At you. Right ahead.

You ******* despicable horror of a person.
Have you ever tried doing something nice?
Have you ever considered not being such an idiot?
You have the capacities of a teaspoon,
With the mental awareness of a tiny child,
You little stain of ***** on the couch of life.
You were never wanted and you were never loved.
You couldn't show me one thing that makes you worth it.
You can't prove anything to me, I know you.
You're disgusting, you're worth the hate.
You're nothing to me, you ******* maggot.
No wonder you get degraded and taken advantage of.
No wonder nobody wants you and they just use you.
Continue on your worthless existence, you ******* *****.

As I walk towards the gigantic door I came in...
I see him walk off towards the same door in another world.

Get in your suit
This is your armor
Close your eyes
Fight for your life
You're not willing?
I haven't a care

I've dreamt of a world ever so beautiful
With attack ships on fire
Where beams could glitter
It was my first dream, and I feel so lost

I've run away
You have?
I mustn't fight
You mustn't?
I can't give up
You can.

It wasn't my decision, I was forced
This isn't me
This is my powerless last breath, let me dream again

I screamed at the top of my lungs
My body was on the pavement, strung
Out deeper than the night, skies
Are filled with stars as he dies.

He was part of me, all that's left.
I'm now a body of bones here bereft.
I scream, I scream, I screamed.
No blood left, my soul upwards beamed.

Bells chime...
Le désordre c'est moi.
I come to die...
Je sonnes les cloches...
I'm taking you all with me.

A lot of poets put they work in
Just so you can put out your ****
Not a huge message from you therein
It's just plagiarism down to the bit
I don't really wanna do what
All of you seem to be tools
I wanted to be abstract, not like you, but
Pretty cool.

It's been many lives since I've moved
I've been sitting here, a point proved
My blood filled many a paper with words
My sacrifices have become my own works
I've cut my veins millenia ago
Then I had given artistry a go
I became The Uncharismatic Man, Hades
I adored the names people gave, these
Titles praising my works: The Martyr,
The Writer, John the Saint, The Bard, er...
It has been quite a while since then
Since I had a gathering of many men
Praising what I wrote by daylight
Awaiting the next great epic by night
I had become a legend, my name never died
But slowly and surely, all my blood dried
I sit here, wallowing in my own filth
I've grown my roots and I shall with time...
Finally stay in one place forever.

One dose of a drug to make it intriguing
But we're taking more than that, reeling
Positivity out the window with these dead clouds
Oddity in bedlam for me, it has me wowed
So tell me why I feel this way
I'm not getting anywhere, but hey
90% of the things I've done in my life ain't as important as you
Sweeping that floor

I've got grounds to discuss this
For I'm utterly disgusting
My poor lungs must be busting
Under the smoke that's thrusting
I have filled them with dread
As I've filled myself
As the cancer tumor spreads
I regret all I've ever been

Just lies
Both sides
Who were you to me?
I've died,
Survived,
Why do you hate me?
I tried
I tried
When did I hurt you?
This odd norm
I transform
Did you ever love me?
I did love you
But no more, you
Knaves, stabbing my back
Instead of just loving me back
Do I deserve this?
I do deserve this,
I don't deserve this,
I am eternally puzzled.
One thing's for sure:
For all I care, you can rot in Hell.

Dedicated upon a precipice
Like Perseus I'm merciless
Like Sisyphus I make a fuss
Like Helios I'm at a loss
I lose myself like Odysseus
And compare myself just like Janus
Like Hephaestus I'm a smith
But I make only my destiny
The rest is all useless to me
In life I'm like Callypse
Kalopsia, the mind's eclipse
But most of all I am the Lord's
Brother, who's thrown at the swords
Hades of the underworld
For I am all but of this world
Seeing Earth as lifeless mounds
Of dead, I throw myself to hounds

Wonder
True wonder
I see myself over yonder
The future is a promise that cannot be broken
My soul is a machine that cannot be broken
My love of life is an entity that cannot be broken
True wonder rarely approacheth
But it doth give me a sense of accomplishment
I'm finally happy
And I finally
Slowly sink
Into pink

I don't understand how
I don't really see now
Eyes are just half-open
I just feel like copin'

I'm indoors to recover from outdoors
My mind's all gone as it's on its all fours
Am I abstract or do people just interpret
Things all wrong? I have to tell them stat

I'm just a tired old man with a young mind
Just getting my thoughts out there, do you mind?
I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so harsh on you
Just stop the praise and go and do what you do

7PM
Purple and twisting
It's a house party
Who the **** are all these *******
Where the **** am I even
I know George, he seems concerned with me
Holding his red cup like it's a shield
The guy never did anything but support me
I bet he's afraid of what I can do
But it's early, I'm all over
Nothing has even begun yet
A bottle of whiskey in one hand

9PM
No shapes and no faces
This tiny room of many people
Enjoying the mindless noise or some music
Dancing like there ain't no tomorrow
Twisting in shapes like they're fabric in spaces
Tiny pills and tiny tabs of destruction
My life's disgusting and collapsing
I know these nameless nobodies but do they know who I am
Two empty bottles, one in each hand

Midnight
It's on fire, but it's dark blue
I'm taking turns dying and spacing
A huge floor underground full of nameless something
Clearer than before, but still not too clear
Ben flicks the switch and they all disappear
I drop my two bottles confused as I'm here
I can feel the air looking at this husk of me
Tabs and needle in my arms

2AM
I'm seeing people, real people
I know who they are
They can't see me killing myself with what's real
They're too busy drinking and feeling life clear
Colors more vibrant than ever before
I'm bleeding from both of my hands

5AM
Aaron and Zoltan and others are speaking
Discussing things that are still inside reason
I'm looking for more acid, looking for *****
I want to end myself, it's the path I choose
I smash all the 40's and glasses on walls
The shards hit me everywhere, bleeding, no stalls
But I'm grey all over, no colors on me
So I guess this is what reality be

7AM
All these ******* are sleeping
I'm awake and that's keeping
Bleeding, high and drunk, I am just about ready
There's no more substance but time's keeping steady
My system is clearing, reality makes way
Amid illusions and fear, I find it's my birthday
Ironic that it's so, right now, don't know why
But on this sacred day, I wake up and now I die

The toilet's right next to it yet you still **** in the shower
Your man is at your party but you're still a ******* coward
Your life is flipping burgers yet you still get extra hours
Your boss was your old boyfriend, now your friends are all his plowers

You have nothing to live for, you're no problematic fave
You're taking all you can and in the trash goes what I gave
I stayed with you for long enough, thought you were mine to save
All you had was track marks but I was your ******* slave

You aren't with me anymore and you have nothing in store
You aren't something special, you're a loser, ****** *****
Being a huge enigma's all you got, it's all your lore
I wish I could forget you, I am not you anymore

Lightning strikes, I hold my head
Left
Just look forward, nothing's bad
Right
Took everything that I had
Up
Did nothing but make me mad
Down
Feel like fire, I ain't dead

You know, we're the artifacts
We're the future, that's a fact
Steel yourself, not over yet
I will ****, you wanna bet?

Incoherent screaming
Clap
Bloodied to the core
Clap
Don't forget the feeling
Snare
Succumb to the gore
Break
*****, you're dead!

Raw thoughts, yeah?
Nah, not today, man
Too bad, I was expecting them
You'll get them, just shut up
It's just noise
They all want me and my noise
But it's all just noise
It scratches
It creaks
It beeps
It boops
It bleeps
It beams
It beckons
It goes on for oh so, so, so, so, so, so, so long
Why do you want it, you disgusting *****?
shhhhh
khhhh
tshhhhh
krrrrr
bhhhhh
ssssss
trrrrr
But it doesn't make sense
None of it does
It's me
It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on
Why do you want it, tell me that
Who are you to ask my why I want it if I do
I'm tired of this can I just make peace with me
Yes you can
No you can't
Yes you can't
No you can
Yes you are
No we aren't
No I can't can
.......
.......
.......
-------
-------
-------
ooooooo
Who are you?