babe, you feel
like home.

soft, warm
and safe.

can i keep my head on your shoulder until i feel alright?
because i can never fall asleep at night,
and you make me feel fine,
like i'm bathing in all of the lights.

you are comfort,
when nothing is
comfortable.

you could be my home,
i don't need a map
to find your soul.

x

i love how when
i'm with you,
i can be my abnormal
clumsy
dysfunctional
self;

and you just match
my weird,
break my fall,
assist my functions,
and care.

thank you for being such
a great thing for me,
for making me happy,
for being an unexpected
but wonderful
addition to this life of mine.

♡ blue

those skeletons you sleep with
are all half alive
but you've still got that half dead
look in your eyes
those skeletons you sleep with
aren't the type you can hide.

the scars on my wrist don't mean i wanted death, you see.
it just means this life wasn't quite bright enough for me.

this must be what
heaven feels like-
my hand is holding onto
your arm
and my head is on your
shoulder
and your hair is brushing
against my cheek
and it's soft
as we're walking.

we talk about little things
but if you felt my heartbeat
it would say everything.
it's racing with nerves
and messy feelings because
i've dreamed of this for
some time.

you know,
wrote poems, made playlists,
turned feelings into art,
because that's what i do.
but no art could come close
to doing you
justice.

i could write for ages
and still not come close to describing
how i'm bursting with butterflies and
feel like i've been brought to life and
how even as my entire body is
nervous i'm also calm as a low tide that's
still touching the horizon
it thought it was too low
to reach.

i'm so afraid
of what comes next,
after the intense emotions and feeling high
after the thoughts of you being my lullaby.
(honestly i've fallen asleep thinking of you
smiling because of you,
every freaking night.)

but what if this is all
just a dream of mine
and it hasn't really come true?
what if i wake up to find,
that i have seemed to
have lost you?

i keep replaying
the way you said my name nervously,
the way your voice sounded
when you said you had a crush
on me, the way i wanted
to cry because my dreams never
ever come true the way i want them to.

so this must not be real.

but it feels so real, babe,
and that's what scares me the most.

i'm probably not going to sleep.
(i know i should but i won't)

so i'll just listen
to mixtapes

and think about this flower
that's blooming,

and how the way you say my name
makes me want to hold your hand.

when all i see is my darkness
pitch black and uninviting,
you see shining stars,
and moon-lit clouds with
silver linings.

i can't wait to cuddle with
you at a coffee shop,
on a bench,
with the smell of coffee beans,
and you,
blending into a gentle symphony.

i'd have a mint latte,
and maybe we could share,
and i'll say something stupid
like thank you for the day.
or i really like you.
instead of
freaking kiss me, okay?

then you could walk me
home, my heart
dancing on the way.

i want to sew this date onto my
heart for ever,
because that's when you,
so careful and so nervous,
told me how you feel about me.

i'm constantly reminded
of the love i tried to coax
from a blade.

it reminded me
that i was real.

that no matter how empty
i felt,
i could still feel something.

i got more love from a razor blade
from broken glass
shattered cds
(anything sharp as his wits)

than i ever got from him

and yet somehow,
i'm still clean?

maybe because both of the loves
weren't real.
no matter how alive
they made me feel.

sometimes i think about you,
and i want to cry until i drown
in self pity and salty tears.

i fell for an impossible heartbeat
i could never feel.
spat into a well of despair
to give it a piece of me.

eventually
i got tired of crying
of bleeding
of caring
of dripping
with desperation.
love me love me love me love me
emanating from my skin.

i will not be someone
with so much feeling
that i am numb.
that i go through the day
afraid
of how crumbled i've become.

so i took a pen and wrote
until the ink
carved you out of my heart
and i felt the
dam rise
and the flooding stop
and the pain trickle away.

oh how wonderful it is to be free.
spilling dreams on
a lined page
and hopes
onto someone new
someone
who isn't you.

don't get me wrong,
i care about you.
you're still my baby blue ford
in a way.
you are still a green light
shining in the distance.

but now, it's daytime here.
and the sun shines brighter here,
so your light
isn't so grand anymore,
you know?

i.
moments are ephemeral
so i hold on tightly
to the closeness of you.
our arms linked together,
you keep bumping into me
and i keep colliding into
you.
it's as if we are stars,
and we make our own
little boom
in this sky.

we're almost a firework, honey.
we're almost-

ii.
hey.
long haired sweetheart,
golden boy of no where,
your halo is skewed,
but i bet you'd taste like lights.
you're the brightest
type of shine.
sure, you glow in the dark,
but you're glowing in the light too.
and they say,
you're brighter with me,
they say you are
just as smitten
as i am.

maybe we can make this work, honey.
maybe we can-

iii.
what if i was to paint you in indigo,
sew patches of
a blank night sky
onto your dimples,
and hang stars from your
butterfly lashes?
would you
let me sit on your lap like
it's a throne,
make me your
queen,
so that i can say i've made
the human form of night time
my lover.
king of hearts, conqueror of the day.

we hold on, because it heals our tired hurt, honey.
we hold on-

he's another galaxy of stars
that puts the sun
to shame.
it whispers its praise.
and i
am brought
down to my knees.

he was not a mistake.

he was
more like
a happy accident,

for he taught me
how to
love
again.

you make me happy
no one can see me
blush

i've got words of ice and
i can't get rid of my vices
but everything is turning yellow,
so maybe i can make it to tomorrow.

will you show me all the places
that make you feel at home
when you're feeling out of place
with no where else to go?

because lately i've been
feeling like a square peg,
trying to fit into a round hole.

but you make me feel
like there are places
i belong.

will you listen to music with me in the graveyard
with my head against your chest,
and let me sing about a place so far
as you say you like me best?

because lately i've been
hoping for something sweet
and i felt when you held my hand.

as you helped me
like a delicate flower
over a stone wall.

will you tell my i'm worthy a million times,
until i believe in you, in that truth,
with all my heart despite my crimes
because of the love i feel when with you.

because lately i've been
thinking you're something soft
someone i could grow to love someday.

you are not the
shield you put up, so
open your gates to me.

i sold my soul to tomorrow
and it told me i could fly.

i never
believed in forever
but you make me
want to
be proven wrong

you make me feel
like a lunar glow
like light
like something to
look at

i don't want it to end.

i want you to
zip up my
backpack
on the way home
and call me cute
and clumsy

and say i sneeze
like a kitten.

and i don't want it to end

you're the georgia sun
autumn's breeze
glow in the dark
sundays
saturdays

i feel
like a sproutling
wishing
wanting
swaying in the breeze
until i begin to rustle

i've been told you're the
company you keep, and
with that being said,
i'm glad i've been keeping yours.

the more i get to know you,
the more i feel like there
are layers to you
that are soft,
and gentle,
and worth discovering.

i'm full of shadows.
the circles around my eyes
are stamps
of the love i left
behind, but somehow,
you make me feel like light
like a lunar glow
like someone.

there's something special
about you, and
i can see it in the contagion
that's your smile.
the way you say something
and i want to join in.

you're one of the few
people i don't mind
having to look up at.

when i'm with you
i don't mind feeling small.
because it does not
equate
with feeling insignificant.

no, around you i feel safe
you say my name and i feel
important. there's a little light
swallowing my shadows
and it exists because of you.

this life is a slippery *****
of mistakes and fears,
and i don't own much.

you make me
forget
i've ever wanted
to share with anyone
else.

because for the first time
in ages
i feel
like someone.

his words always brightened my day and made
me smile

they were freshly printed ideas as much
as they were love lines,
like laughter lines
but on the inside of your chest
beat- beat- beating.

they folded themselves into my heart
and made me feel like i was
in love.

every word crafted beautifully in the blanket
that were his poems.

when i lay my head to rest
and tried my best to sleep
it was only
when remembering his words,
that i could fall asleep.

smiling.
dreaming.
loving.

living in the gutter,
but we're longing for the stars
to make life a little brighter.
we can't forget.
there's something pretty
in the eyes of the ones we used
to love.
diamonds, ice, and we can't forget about those sparkling stars, baby.

/

don't forget you're out
in the open;
you can't just love like this.
there are certain things
you just can't deny
and the stars in your eyes
prove that you're
in love.
warm, pink roses hang from your cheeks like crackling ornaments.

/

i can feel your dreams.
flickering eyelids, your heart
ticking like a time-bomb.
like a clock even after time's run out
and all you can
really feel inside
is too much emotion too
much love.
you might just have an explosion in your chest - a supernova.

feathered dreams float into our closed fists somehow,
and while we’re wondering why,
they poke holes into our palms and crawl
into our bloodstream.

i fell in hole i just couldn’t get out of
i let my thoughts be spoken aloud. love,
just tell me the truths that i’ve never heard,
and i’ll write you some pretty songs about birds

(or something.)  but, i wonder how you would ever treat my scars
the light inside the world is bright but i still feel dark
(inside.) but in all of these moments i just reminisce
about the ones i can’t help but miss.

and i’m on fire, fire, fire. x2

but you make me want to live in this one moment
with your leather jacket, with your arms wide open.
there’s something to you, and the gravel inside your voice,
when you say to me ‘hey, i love you’ like i never had a choice.

and i guess i could fly in those space ships that glow,
but with my luck they will crash and burn like apollo.
you’re a bicycle and i just need learn how not fall,
but the taste of grass isn’t bad and it feels kind of soft.

i don’t mind the burn, the burn, the burn. x2

i’m a bubblegum babygirl, so pink i feel just like lace,
but i’m stained, and impure, yeah you can see it on my face.
and i do believe in god, i promise i do,
but i'm really wanting to lose all religion somewhere quiet with you.

everything is colored in a seafoam like green.
when i’m not even in the ocean i’m somewhere in between
heaven and hell and the dumpster we call earth,
but i don’t think you’re trash for whatever it’s worth.

and i’ve burned into ash, ash, ash x2

i.
haunted houses. we are haunted houses- skyscrapers touching the sky with our fingers, holding dreams in our palms, praying no one looks inside of us, through the windows.

ii.
inside lie broken people, staring out, looking for someone to see them, but still lying by the window.

iii.
when one pane of glass is all that keeps us from falling, it's easy to break the glass and jump. that's how i fell for you. (you know, reality hurts.)

iv.
somewhere along the way those dreams in my palms were used to wash the windows and the lost soul inside of me sees everything in a dream colored tint.

v.
i never wanted to be broken, or haunted, or in love but things happen and here i am, the person inside of me no longer inside of me. no, she fell too hard and broke too easily, for the beauty inside of you couldn't catch.

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

when life gets a lot more than a little bit heavy,
i could fly to the moon, bring back the zero gravity,
and everyone's so serious and grave,
buried six feet under pain.
but i assure you, you will always have me

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

when life seems to fade into a greyish breeze,
i could fly into space, bring you the colours of the galaxies
and everyone's gone so numb
ten degree burns, and black hole suns.
but the look on your face has been dusted by pixies.

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

when life's like a cloud of rain, no silver linings,
and you feel like you down pain without even trying,
and everything's gone so dark,
come on, let us make a spark.
our souls can mingle in the air we'll be flying.

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

collarbones kissed with lace ,
a sweet song nibbling at my earlobes,
falling into safety nets
and blessings being whispered like
prayers in the night time.

this is love.
this is being alive.
this is being aglow.

i hide the ghost of who we used to be
underneath my covers. i sleep, my legs
intertwined with its legs, my fingers on its cheek.
it looks like our child would have looked, but
it has no gender, no identity other than the
two of us. innocence and frivolity coat its tongue
and unsaid i love yous are cotton ***** caught in
its throat, not set free, the people we used to be
could never set those three words free
into the air. into each other’s mouths. into the sky.
and as the cold body lies next to mine, i wish
i had a bigger bed and didn’t have to be tangled
with the ghost of who we used to be.

i'll make it snow if you want it to,
i'd suffer the cold if only for you.

safe sounds run soft in this world. eyes shut running backwards but reaching for the sky, my hands touch the horizon, fingers grazing an almost liquified sky. i focus on how it feels, not how pretty it is, and when i touch it, i can feel the colours can feel the things it's seen. it has seen so much.

                   i cannot save us
                   from the type of destruction
                   in my heart and head.

it's all about the wrong green, you know. shattered mirrors can't see intentions, but everyone's trying to make the green and have the happiness they think it can buy. the sky kisses truths onto my fingertips. it tells me that it has seen too many men lost to greed. too many men chasing a feeling rather than chasing the honest thing of it all. maybe the greed consumes them because they go about life with their eyes shut.
                  
                       i am so sorry
                       but blindness is the skin
                       i made, and it bleeds

"don't use me as a warning sign there's a place a few miles from here, past the place that reeks of the weakness of men, they call it utopia but it is not free of all the things that eat men alive. those animals are just more tame here" the sky speaks these things and i believe them only because i need to believe that men aren't slaves to their own blind-hearted goals. safe sound ring as men fall victim to it all.
                    
                      i'm leaving today
                      not to find more of the green
                      but to feel safer

we paint pictures of a war nobody remembers, but the sky does. oh yes it whispers it's pain and cries because it's got so much to cry for. "i have seen the blood of everyone dead and will see the blood of everyone living shed on the grass. the quiet deaths are just another safe sound you learn to embrace when you are this old." my chest tightens. "but what about the stars? there are people who stare up at you stricken with grief and hope all at once." the sky laughs, cold. "it's not long," it says. "it's not long before someone tries to claim them too and hope will be gone and grief will remain.
        
                       i refuse to think
                       that there's nothing left to hold
                       on to when in grief

sometimes you just need someone to
tell you that it's worth it,

that living isn't a game
only played
to lose.

i lost everything in moments
i couldn't count on my fingers
and toes.

all my blessings are coming,
i'm sure,

but i'm so blind
that i don't really see them anymore.

sometimes you're sad for no reason
and people ask you
why?

and you cannot answer.

go on
spit me out
and forget about me
like that piece of gum
on the side of
the road.

i think i'm breaking
but i can't find it in me
to care anymore

there are some things we want that we can’t always have. happiness. love. but we make it through, you know? why? because humans are resilient creatures. we are made to withstand pain, and loss, and whatever else. biologically that’s how we’re made, it’s an evolutionary thing. it’s something that happened because of our history as creatures on earth. we are adaptable.

there's too much light in this place.
i've got to close my eyes and remember.
sit with me a while and remember,
for remembrance is more important when
you have scars on the wrists of time,
on the wrists of your mind, and
everything inside of you is yearning.

tell me how you really feel
about me and i'll try to stop wishing for your love
if it isn't what i wanted to hear.
i promise.

i spit out a fever and inhale a disease. there isn't much to see other than the time we let go to waste, the lovers we still forgot even with their faces always on the refrigerator. what you can not see is not real, what you can not touch isn't either.

in this endlessness,
i can't stop the raging fear;
it's a hurricane.

you don't know what you want to get out of me and i don't know why i look at you and see everything i've ever wanted. maybe it's those eyes, or the truth i sought to find when you called me beautiful. rushing, busy, busier, i go everywhere and nowhere but you're still on my mind.

flimsy tragedies
still fall from bending backwards.
how did we get here?

head over heels is an understatement i fell, heart out of mouth for you. i threw up my heart and my head spun around like a carousel. i was the clown and you were the ring master. sometimes you can't tame lions. sometimes the lion tames you.

i bleed beautifully,
fell in love with ideas,
hoping for the man.

hushed whispers,
in a night, of wild dreams,
procreated a child
and named her hope.

and she,
she whispered too;
quiet dreams of being lost
and/or found
in the thrill of it all.

but these hushed whispers,
in a night of wild darkness
and broken memories,
procreated another child
and named her despair.

suddenly hope was forgotten
and the creator of the hushed whispers
coddled despair.
traded hope for despair.

belligerent, and bitter, and broken
the creator
felt nothing
but the child held in the arms
that used to hold the other.

i.
we could fit together like russian dolls. a perfect fit of two well painted figures. do you taste like autumn, bedtime and and perfection? do i smell like new books, lemon cakes or home? i could be the one who makes regret nothing and want everything.


come watch this with me:
              these shattered constellations
         in a navy sky.


ii.
the depths of endless oceans are not enough to drown my feelings. i feel like this could be what’s the end of me. i *** into infinity, the unknown, hope. my scarred and so imperfect skin could fold into your perfection. cool skin upon cool skin. a dreamstate of awakened eyes


i can hardly see.
                      this life is lived too blindly,
someone heal my sight.


iii.
daisy flowers uprooted from the soil, lights dimmed low, a pretty and sadly slow song is  playing in the background. it all feels so deeply personal. i hope my soul is transparent so that you can see into my intoxicatingly good intentions. i’ll always want to share your breath.


you’re inside of my veins
pumping through my blood like drugs
making me feel high

my heart bled, for it was lost before.
but i found
you
whilst trying find
myself again.
i convinced myself
it was the same.
it's what you do when you don't want to be alone.

oh, what fear?
oh, what fear.

i've built these walls around my heart,
trapped in my chest wanting to be free-
why don't you cut it out, babe?

too much hope, please don't say
we're growing further away
home is always
going to be with you to me.
will you share one more
moment with me?

oh, what fear?
oh, what fear.

it's been so long since i gave this heart away,
i'm unsure if i'm ready to face
the day
i accidentally give it up to you.

i have no idea why you still make my heart pound out of my chest
just by saying "hey"

you were the worst mistake
i ever made
and i realize it was a waste
of heart
to want something so fake
that i knew would harm my well being but

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore

you were outer space
and galaxies.
you were the smile on my face,
and in all my dreams.
but hope has started
to stop coming and it's fleeing but

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore

memories burn down the walls of my mind
everything's slowing frozen in time
i never asked for much
i expected more than this
i guess
i guess
it was too much

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore
you don't even speak to me anymore

watching people fall
in
    love
always makes me
so
    sad.

because true love is no where for someone like me.

never mind,
i imagine him saying,
you know i lied.
you were never that beautiful.

he called me stunning and i wanted to say i loved him.
i wanted to say there was no mortal above him.

goddess, he said.

--

i'm seventeen and unfulfilled,
running from myself,
but however fast i am i still can't
get away from this place, from me.

self-destructing souvenirs in my head
why won't they burn away already
there's something empty about this bed
and my heart is growing heavy

--

i don't want to treasure you.
diamonds are always cutting me to shreds,
but they're never on my hands
pretty boys, they never take me to bed.

they just say hello to say goodbye.

i.
they say to share an umbrella is to share your heart. it's pouring outside, everyone's so busy, that the only thing thing they share right now is the sidewalk.

but, hey. this makes me want to paint what love sounds like. i want to paint the stars on your chest and the rain boots stepping in puddles on your abdomen.

i'll paint the umbrellas on your eyelids so i can treasure them as you sleep.

ii.
they say to share an umbrella is to share a moment you won't want back. it's hellish and bustling outside. no one bothers to look up and wish for the stars when they have so much to do.

but, still. this makes me remember how rich and lovely our moments were even if separated by time, but do i want them back?

i'll tape poems on the ceiling , so i never forget what it's like to feel beautiful.

iii.
they say to share an umbrella is to be suspended in time. when the red of the stoplight shines, the cars stop and the people go, go, go.

but, darling.this makes me think. if we could go back in time would you be a car or a person? would you be halting for the travelers, or moving forward leaving the cars behind?

i'll sing along to any song you want me to babe.

i'm moving forward,
i'm growing stronger
what doesn't **** you
turns you into stone
medusa
i'm growing stronger
i'm moving forward
what doesn't **** you
chills you to the bone
medusa

and ooh where do you go
ooh i'm trying not to care.
who do you think you are
ooh with snake venom in your hair
medusa, medusa

and i'm moving forward,
i'm growing stronger
what doesn't **** you
turns you into stone
medusa
i'm growing stronger
i'm moving forward
what doesn't **** you
chills you to the bone
medusa

and this stone cold heart feels nothing anymore
this stone cold heart feels nothing
medusa
and this stone cold heart feels nothing anymore
you're nothing anymore
cause i'm
i'm medusa

if i was tinier, i could float away, heavier, i could stand my ground. but until then, i'll just have to stick with being in a limbo between stuck in a ditch and too far gone.

you. you should be nothing to me but the paint chipping off the wall, the broken blind hanging on just barely, the glow in the dark sticker just peeling off the ceiling. but you're not. you are 'i love you' written in the notebook of mine that i keep on the shelf. you're gone too soon in the trail of my mind, you're i love you, i miss you, and 'what the heck is wrong with me?' what's wrong with me?



i grew up in the peach state
back in a small town
where nobody knew your name
unless you were someone
and i wasn't anyone
not anyone important anyway

ooh, take me back to the summer babe
ooh, 'cause everybody knew my name
when i was with you.
take me back, take me back to june

i grew up in a small house,
back in a small town,
where georgia was on your mind
unless you wanted to leave
half of us wanted to leave
leave old georgia behind

ooh, take me back to the summer babe
ooh, 'cause everybody knew my name
when i was with you.
take me back, take me back to june



the floor has started to puddle with my teenage angst that's dripping down the wall and it sticks to my con-clad feet and later to my fingers, and i think this mess is what i got myself into, but i can always get myself out.

god blue. why do you have to be so stupid?