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Dec 2016 · 639
savannah/hide away
blue mercury Dec 2016
he's with this girl now, she got eyes so blue
it sort of makes me sick
he's with this girl now, her name is savannah
she's in his life where i used to fit

and i know it's been too long
since my hands don't remember his face anymore
and i know i've got to carry on
but i don't know where to hide away
and i know it's been too long

i've got these thoughts now, lying in bed alone,
i'm cold and shaking bones.
i'm kind of lonely without holding my own,
i'm sad but i don't know.

and i know it's been too long
since my hands don't remember his face anymore
and i know i've got to carry on
but i don't know where to hide away
off my piece of crap single on bandcamp (:
http://ohblue.bandcamp.com/album/savannah-single
Dec 2016 · 339
3 am
blue mercury Dec 2016
i.
i wake in the dark.
i check the clock on my wall too see what time it is,
and it’s only three in the morning.
i’m reminded of that song
by matchbox 20.
it’s three am, i must be lonely.


ii.
i’m used to being left.
this shouldn’t happen
you said.
people like me never know what we need.
this shouldn’t happen.


iii.
i feel as if i am suspended in time.
while people keep moving on.
i’ll cut off my tongue
so the words i say
*can never hurt you.
an old one from october of last year- october is never a good month for me.
Dec 2016 · 252
Remember
blue mercury Dec 2016
I don't remember when I first started to fall in love with you. It might've started the first time we spoke but it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


You don't want to remember, but it's hard, you know. It's like all of the things we prayed for never came, and I try not to blame any one thing– I don't believe in that.


It's always a chain of things that causes an ending like ours.


Sometimes I close my eyes, shut them tight and pretend that things are the way they were in June, in September.


Cold weather drives me towards insanity. I'm closer to tears than before. The loss of warmth reminds me of everything else I lost. And since it's December now, I'm trying to forget. I'm trying!


I’m holding still, unsure if the snow that falls is a miracle or a warning sign. Either way I think it's as pretty as you were to me back then.


I'm still afraid of telling anyone you are the reason why I can't breathe. I can't sleep either because when I do I'm left to dream of the words you said to me when all was well.


All is no longer well.


I am forced to live a life forgery. Happy, happy, I am- not freaking happy with the way this mess of ours turned out. I'm still juggling the spheres of pain that collected like, I don't know, like the snow did? Like the snow did on my front lawn, it collects and everything seems so white and bright and I'm left blind in the empty spaces with no warmth. no love.


Will you show me how broken hearts beat when the world feels barren?


My thoughts are spilling.


My words aren't working, but I just wanted to love you.


Skinny love, maybe this won't be what I had wanted but I'll pretend to forget I ever loved you until the day I die. I mean, it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


Look. Look here, I'm just someone who wanted to love you. But it’s December now and I’m trying to forget.


Because, what else is their to do when the world is this cold?


Certainly not remember…
Dec 2016 · 446
snow (hey oh)
blue mercury Dec 2016
you have eyes full of intergalactic spasms and
a smile quiet like falling snow.

but right now, silent whispers fill your gaze,
and we're meant to be slaves
to the quiet.

i hope everything works out
for you, because i hate this too.

this hurt in your eyes it's-
this pain on your face just-
i love you too freaking much
to want this for you.

so i touch your hand,
and hug you a second too long,
although neither of us want to cry today.

just know babe, i'm always here for you.

you can find home in me,
when the one you're living in
feels like hell.

you can find home in me,
if not anywhere else.
a dear friend (and my half-crush) is going through some really hard stuff at home right now, and it hurts me because i can't fix his life, i can only be there.
Dec 2016 · 279
between gold and oblivion
blue mercury Dec 2016
the gold flecks in her eyes
are so much like fire,

he doesn't remember what it felt like
to have my icy fingers on his spine.

the gold flecks in her eyes
burn so ******* bright,

he is forever blinded
to all displays of my affection.

my ice, my burning charcoal eyes,
my dark, dark, dark.

i needed his light,
i needed his warmth to melt my walls.

but he needed another fire,
to burn like hell,

and feel like heaven.
what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

and what he doesn't see is not there.
come on homie, pull it together
Dec 2016 · 250
horizons
blue mercury Dec 2016
i hold my head up so i don’t drown in his horizons.
and i remember someone said i should try to expand mine.
i was in luck trying to do so when he was where i could find him.
and i remember he said that he’d hold my hand. and time,
folds in on itself
cold as if hell’s
fire’s burned out
i’m sure now

this isn’t love it’s too broken to be
and i’m not your drug like i was hoping i’d be
but i’ll move on eventually
lovers are supposed to set you free
but you don’t do that anymore
no, not anything like before
an unfinished song ((:
Dec 2016 · 1.1k
trigger
blue mercury Dec 2016
words like bullets.

i don't want them to hit me.
i don't want to bleed.

i don't want you to hurt me.
i don't want you to shoot.

i don't want
you to
wake up/
get out of bed/
get dressed/
look at me like that/
close your eyes/
turn around/
turn back/
speak/
turn around/
leave.

but your tongue's on
the trigger,
and my heart's beating fast.
and i'm closing my eyes,
counting seconds,
counting sheep
because you can't hurt me
when i'm asleep.

i won't feel a thing.

you're pulling the trigger
and my mouth is quieting the racing bullets,
but although they're muffled they still hit my ears,
the pain travelling to my heart.

i bite your tongue too hard
and you bleed into my mouth
and i try to forget that you said

"i'm sorry."

and i watch you,
everything in me
still.

everything in me
is
lifeless.
all is well
Dec 2016 · 772
sick
blue mercury Dec 2016
everything about me is sick.
maybe in the rad way i used to be,
or maybe i'm just ill.

there are worse things.
my body could turn on me
while my mind is going sour.

(my soul is rotting you can smell it on my breath.)

my eyes are always open
and life-
it isn't sweet enough.

sweat drips down my spine
and i shiver while someone
whispers hallelujah in the silence.

(i'm sorry but i am no longer a green girl. my leaves are turning brown.)

albert kamus is this
absurd enough for you:
loving and loving, running dry?

everyone says i'm not a waste
of the space
i've been occupying

but i dare not occupy yours.
you are too clean,
and god, am i sick.
please don't worry i'm doing just fine.
Dec 2016 · 215
wish
blue mercury Dec 2016
at night still wish for someone to love me
the way i've always wanted to deserve.
Dec 2016 · 674
in another life
blue mercury Dec 2016
the possibility of you,
of slipping bodies spilling truths

still drives
me wild.

listen,

for i've been touched
by moonlight.
Dec 2016 · 1.3k
if you love me come clean
blue mercury Dec 2016
i read your poems, but i can't read you.
what's the point?

other boys, they call me pretty-
well,
sometimes they do.
but still,
other boys, they touch my hand,
they like my hair,
they think i'm funny.
but they're not you,
and that rips me up.

the boy who once said i'm not his type
doesn't think
you are good
for me.
but
he doesn't know you.
he doesn't know
your pretty
folded
inside out
folded
right side out,
folded
into the pit
of my stomach, giving me butterflies.
oh, my god, i think this is what love feels like
when you’re stuck on the rewind
of a cassette tape,
because the player
doesn’t auto-stop,
and you don't feel like getting up,
so the tape snaps or tangles or knots.
either way it can’t be the same ******* song,
it sounds too different to be.
warbled.

but the beat is the same.
it starts off slow then speeds up
as the eyes get bluer
and her cheeks get warmer.
tha. thump. tha. thump.
tha thump. tha thump.
thathumpthathumpthathump.

if you love me, baby, just say so.
because i’m so brand new,
i’m so full of darkness.
you’re so ruggedly smooth,
so full of lightning.
i’m so brand new,
that i can’t read you like your poems.
i’m so full of darkness,
that i can’t feel loved anymore.
but, baby, baby, bubby.
i could love you like a poem.

i’ll be the body electric.
(i love as hard as a whitman)
i’ll be the master, the dream, the fool.
(i love as illogically as a kipling)
i’ll be immortal.
(i’ll love as sweetly as a dickinson)
i’ll be everything
you’ve ever read about and wanted,
if you’d just come clean.

so if you love me
if you love me
come clean.
i don't know what i want from you, but love would do, i think. (but i also want to move the hell on because loving you hurts so much.)
Dec 2016 · 230
Untitled
blue mercury Dec 2016
please
don't write
poetry about
me.

it never
ends
well.
i think the ex-love-of-my-life wrote a poem about me and i'm scared because these feelings still stir and i don't want them to.
here's the poem and guyys i don't know what i want and he always says exactly what makes me fall for him all over again.
"dead birds don't fly"
you say you're not lovable
but let me try
sit and smile at the hole in
the sky,
cause I'm cold
when you get cold
and you can blame me
for everything,
not just for the bad times.
Nov 2016 · 374
#idk
blue mercury Nov 2016
call this our moment,
no matter how broken,
heartbeats slowing-
where are we going?
call this my fault
forget how i taught
you how to breathe
is it that hard to see me?


and i’ve been a million places
and i’ve seen a million faces
none are quite like yours
and i’ve made so many choices
listening to the voices
that shake me to the core
am i a mistake
am i a quick fix
how much can i take of all of this?
i don’t know.
i don’t know.


call me so *****
call me so worthy
pretend like you’ve heard me
say you won’t hurt me.
call this the end
tell me it’s all pretend
that there are no feelings
is it easy to stop breathing?


and i’ve been a million places
and i’ve seen a million faces
none are quite like yours
and i’ve made so many choices
listening to the voices
that shake me to the core
am i a mistake
am i a quick fix
how much can i take of all of this?
i don’t know.
i don’t know.


and you seem to be
everything to me
you’re the reason i can see
what’s next for me.


and i’ve been a million places
and i’ve seen a million faces
none are quite like yours
and i’ve made so many choices
listening to the voices
that shake me to the core
am i a mistake
am i a quick fix
how much can i take of all of this?
i don’t know.
i don’t know.
a song i wrote and recorded a wee bit ago here's the listen link?
https://ohblue.bandcamp.com/track/idk
not my best guitar or voice, i was having one hell of a day when i recorded it
also news!!!! (you can stop reading if you don't care lol)
a. I CUT OFF TWO INCHES OF ME HAIR AH (it looks pretty cute if i do say so myself)
b. my music is going to be a weekly pick for this blog?! and two songs from nirvana are being evaluated for being in circulation on this online radio station so yay!
c. my (half) crush called me hot today so i'm on fire. (no pun intended)
d. hessa, wardha, mira, genavive, melle and elise --> sm love

k that was all sorry for the little essay
Nov 2016 · 447
a.m.
blue mercury Nov 2016
i’m nothing but the fool
my love was on fire, your eyes were cool
and i have suddenly become your stranger
and you have easily become a traitor

and oh what a miracle we were
but oh i forgot we never could occur
in the same place
there’s not a way
please go away

stars in the sky burning like hellfire
their lights above my hurting desire
ice in the eyes my only lover
scars on my heart as you make love to her
in the dark a.m.
oh in the dark a.m.


i’ve got tears in my eyes
my wrists are on fire, i needed your lies
and i have broken my heart myself
and you have fallen for someone else

and oh what an ache’s in my head
but oh my eyes are still blood red
in the same way
they were before you came
and now you’re away

stars in the sky burning like hellfire
their lights above my hurting desire
ice in the eyes my only lover
scars on my heart as you make love to her
in the dark a.m.
oh in the dark a.m.
a little song i wrote. i may record it once i get an ukulele. it seems like a happy melody/sad lyric type of song.
Nov 2016 · 650
circadian rhythm
blue mercury Nov 2016
they say sad times like these only come during changes of weather, and they blame it on your circadian rhythm. they could be right.

i just know that i don’t like sleeping anymore, because my dreams aren’t dreams, they’re visions straight out of hell. that’s where i’m going anyway, if those things they say are true. (***** little ****, let us fix you, okay? your feelings are only manifestations of the distance between you and your mother. lying is a sin, you can’t lie to god. suicide is sin, and you can't sleep your life away one day you'll awaken, until you don't.) but god, being awake is almost worse.

but there are some bright lights and, i swear, i’ve been holding onto them like my heaven and i love them so much and everything might be okay even if there are times when i can’t differentiate my sad tears from the ones triggered by joy.

maybe it’s okay to be awake, maybe one day i’ll be alright. maybe it’ll be soon. maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe...
i don't know why you all read my work and like it, but i love you guys so much **
Nov 2016 · 299
a short song
blue mercury Nov 2016
i'm hoping i won't fall behind
i'm choking trying to swallow my pride
it's broken, along with my heart and my mind
not knowing whether its all going to be fine
i'm showing up on the borderline
flowing in between everything that's not mine
Nov 2016 · 746
miniature horses
blue mercury Nov 2016
we can be like alice
but not like the one in chains
we will be free, freer, freest.

swallow the magic potion,
shrink from the drink that dripped
onto our palms.

your palms will be sweaty and cold pressed to my face-
your eyes are ice, your love is lice
it makes me scratch my head.

we'll be small
but we'll feel twenty thousand feet tall.
we are a leaf of grass.

maybe it's just the change in the weather,
but i want to shrug on your sweater,
and ride your miniature horse until sunrise.

hushed voices are almost screaming
and careful footsteps seem to be running
i'm thinking of the way i used to feel.

beautiful??
lovely??
a godess??
stunning??


worth it.

riding those miniature horses
until sunrise
seems to be a waste of time again

because when morning comes
they are always men again,
and i don't want to be small anymore.
not a good time. x
Nov 2016 · 991
dictionary definition
blue mercury Nov 2016
give a moment of clarity to pull me out of the haze, won’t you? days have passed since i last remembered your name and even more have passed since i last forgot the scent of your clothes. your body is a synthetic imitation of a real one. i last saw you in a place you weren’t and that could be just because of a lack of some part of my sense i lost, i always was so forgetful.


define me this way: a monster of your making. the beauty you lost years ago when all you could mutter out of your chapped winter lips was please.


take me to a place where all the skies are blue, won’t you? days will come when i can’t really remember your name and even more will pass until the scent of your clothes become the scent of mine. your face is photocopy of an angel’s. i can see you in the puddle of the water, swimming with the tadpoles.


define me this way: no one important. everything you never really wanted to have.
idrk
Nov 2016 · 360
darling
blue mercury Nov 2016
darling,
you have the sweetest constellation
of a smile.
i love to play connect the dots
with the corners of your mouth.
i want
to use my pinkie finger
and drag it along your lips as
you
lay still
and my
hands shake.
i'd take
my time
and love you like an angel.

darling,
i love it when we embrace.
you always squeeze a bit too tight,
you call me el - i
only allow you to call me el-
and then you look me in the eyes
with those
blue, lightbulb, l-e-d, pastel coloured eyes
of yours.
****.

darling,
i'm moving forward
from the heartache,
and i'm looking at you.
you are not a fallback
and i don't even deserve your attention.
but when you say that you told your family
i sneeze like a kitten,
i imagine meeting them,
your mother saying:
that's the one.

darling,
maybe you'll save me from myself,
because he never could.

darling,
one day,
if
we kiss
goodbye-
no.
one day,
when
we kiss
hello
i hope i can say
i can give you all you deserve.
i don't know anything
Nov 2016 · 327
***
blue mercury Nov 2016
***
i spent two hours crying because
i realized
everything i thought i had
**i didn't
:/
Nov 2016 · 380
Untitled
blue mercury Nov 2016
is there somewhere
you
can meet me?

(are your hands cold, are your feet colder, do you hear my voice, now?)

i don't really
want
this to end.

(not yet anyway, i've gotten too close to figuring out our dynamic.)

i can't see you.
you
have faded.

(feelings = omnipresent- i can't get away from wanting love from you.)

i keep feeling
want
and it's sad.

(it crawls down my throat making me recite the poems you wrote me.)

everything
you
need is here.

*(find me on the corner of the street where you always imagined us)
halsey inspired, sadness inspired, inspired by my mess of a life (once again) (also inspired by when you said i'm the air you breathe and your favourite poet.)
Nov 2016 · 914
a little rant thing
blue mercury Nov 2016
i never thought i'd become this but here i am not knowing, just doing. you don't say the things you used to say and i guess that is alright, i guess that is fine, i guess i'm running out of guesses now. my actions are full of consequences and those consequences are full of nothing important will you tell me that the sky is the limit, you're eyes are the limit with limitless depth. you said that one day everything would be okay. you ******* promised me that you would never stop calling me beautiful, but now you don't disagree when i say that i feel like a ***. what do you think i do? i can't do anything but pretend like i never loved you. what can i do if it's not being deprived of sleep you being the thought that fills my brain god it hurts. your eyes matched my name and we were meant to be together but nothing goes as planned.
i don't know guys
Nov 2016 · 1.0k
moments (thoughts - four)
blue mercury Nov 2016
they were pretty, but they didn't have your eyes or your gentle kindness.
i hate myself rn
Nov 2016 · 624
whole
blue mercury Nov 2016
i was empty
  something was missing
until
        recently
you made me whole again.

you give me physicality.

hugs and hand holds
hands holding my face

in between them.

you gave me proximity.

walking on the sidewalk
your breath lingering on my face

when you turned to speak.
sometimes our fingers grazed

you gave me love.

one cannot know love
until it is a breath from the mouth

of someone beautiful.
an old poem of mine that is slowly growing more relevant
blue mercury Nov 2016
i've skinned me knees and i've watched them bleed. i didn't do it on purpose, it just happened when i fell for you.
puns! puns! oh the puns!
Nov 2016 · 544
faith (thoughts - two)
blue mercury Nov 2016
i had faith in you.
i loved you.
you were my home.
i believed we were meant for great things.
but instead of making us great again,
you'd rather make us hate again
so all my faith,
all my hope
is lost.
thx america.
Nov 2016 · 245
overdose (thoughts - one)
blue mercury Nov 2016
am i still your vicodin or do you not do the same drugs anymore?
chance the rapper inspired, my ******* up life inspired, heartache inspired
Nov 2016 · 833
moss
blue mercury Nov 2016
the inside of me is overgrown with moss and kudzu.
tell me i am an issue,
cut me down and yell timber.

don't make it a question
make it an exclamation.
a statement of the things you've destroyed
to make room for something new,
but not bright eyed.

i am an overgrown tree
with roots too far into the darkness
of the cool dirt-
smell the musky scent of my bark
after the rain.

even if the rain couldn't wash this away,
at least your ax stopped it
from growing.

no matter how low to the ground
you cut me down
i will still have
my roots.
this is a bit more like my usual work hope you all enjoy it- i feel like i'm losing my touch though.
Nov 2016 · 366
first thoughts
blue mercury Nov 2016
who's that girl and why is she prettier than me and why were you with her in a dark area that you never said you wanted to be with me in?
I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW
blue mercury Nov 2016
one side of me,
it still loves you.
my baby blue ford-
my ride or die,
i'd live for you,
if only for you.


but he
he lights up my world
where you only have made it dark
but god i'd take the darkness any day.

but his light,
makes me feel like i have
the ability
to do
absolutely anything.
'tis a wonderful thing
or at least it almost is.


and the dark you give
only makes me feel
like i've failed.
the choice should be easy.

but my heart
is hurting,
unsure of the choice.

although either of you could
be completely out of reach


i don't know.
not my best, i'll post better stuff soon- or at least i'll try to.
i love you all.
x
Nov 2016 · 475
Sad
blue mercury Nov 2016
Sad
I don't want to feel this way but everything is darker dark darker
And everything you say to me shatters my heart and soul
And everything you don't hurts even worse
Ah
Nov 2016 · 198
illness
blue mercury Nov 2016
either way you're going to die to soon
from the cancer
or from the sadness that's eating through your soul.
both are coursing through you
and you say
you'll be fine fine fine fine fine

i'm not fine
just found out one of my friends has cancer idk what i'm feeling ok?
Nov 2016 · 283
friend-
blue mercury Nov 2016
you're making me remember
what it's like
to not want to be alone
god i'm falling again
Nov 2016 · 624
Untitled
blue mercury Nov 2016
i'll paint stars on your ceiling
to keep you close to heaven
even heaven wasn't enough
to make you want to stay
if you want hell's fire
i swear i'll burn hotter
i'll give you so much love
it'll wash your sin away
Nov 2016 · 252
things you've said to me
blue mercury Nov 2016
i just had the urge to stroke your face, wouldn't that be weird?
don't worry about looking good- you already got that covered.
awh, you're so cute!
i love you.
i appreciate you.
thanks for being a such a friend.
i just want to kiss you until i forget what it's like to breathe air that isn't yours.
Nov 2016 · 520
scene
blue mercury Nov 2016
shriveled cells.
(if you need peace of mind,
i can give you a piece of mine)

oh wonder.
(hold still. i'll kiss you in
the rain and you'll be beautiful)

nightmare before christmas.
(you are a lot like someone
i left behind- who are you?)

jelly beans.
(sweet, sour, and lifeless.
don't you ever...)

daisy chains.
(you're going to be something new
i just don't know what else to say to you.)
Nov 2016 · 303
settle
blue mercury Nov 2016
i know my feelings aren't significant,
no matter what my mother tells me, and i'm losing my words.

my eclectic mind is in a way
lost. lost, lost, lost, i'm so freaking lost but this repetition of confusion will do nothing to save me from myself.

my hair's all over the place. you say it doesn't make me look a mess. you say it makes me seem real. you say
nothing anymore.

this is thirst,
the force of which could **** innocent people. a drought of love can be dangerous.

soft sound.
a whisper into your satellite dish reminding you that you are deaf to beauty and blind to the love that's in front of you and always have been.
listening to too much 1975 these days.
Oct 2016 · 303
halloween
blue mercury Oct 2016
i wouldn't want to dress up as depression, angst, or sorrow
because then i'd match with everyone.
Oct 2016 · 456
parts of blue
blue mercury Oct 2016
i. (lights)
paper lanterns
floating through the sky
halloween evening.
stars.
street lamps.
you are, you are, you are(...)
(bitter tastes are filling my mouth
but the acidic poison makes my tongue glow
glow glow in the dark.)


ii. (mathematics)
one plus one is two.
a real number.
me minus you is an imaginary number.
(it doesn't exist, but someone created
a way to make it exist.
i'm forced to exist
without you
by the rules of life.)


iii. (truths)
******* hell.
you are a baby bottle boy
and i'm a pacifier princess
we can't both be in the same place
at the same time.
*(maybe i'm wrong)
idfk
Oct 2016 · 961
chlorophyll
blue mercury Oct 2016
everything is confusing. i don’t know what i want but i guess that’s okay.

( leaves look red in autumn because the chlorophyll in them is deconstructing. they aren’t really green that’s just the colour of the light they reflect. i feel like that’s so very curious. there’s something about biology, the living world. it’s not as strange as we thought it was so many years ago but it’s not as simple as we think it to be when we don’t think about it at all.)

true colours run deep within the veins of every leaf, but its only when it's insides are being ripped apart that they show.

this is not a paradox, this is the way the universe tells us who we are.
on a road to self discovery.
Oct 2016 · 465
you know where the city is
blue mercury Oct 2016
you can’t run away from me.
i’m the fate you can’t escape.

one day in a smaller city and you
forget that where you came from was like
a small town too.

small cities with big houses,
and rich folks with richer spouses–

is this the american dream?
because i never dreamed of this.
not really.*

all the lights are dim here.
streetlights, table lamps, and stars.
they all are just bright enough to overthrow
darkness, but not bright
enough to give anyone hope.

but the houses are nice,
and everyone drives an energy efficient car,
and it’s all quite nice
if you look you don’t look
behind
the curtains.

one day in a smaller city and you can’t
forget that you are small too.
if you wanna find love then you know where the city is.
Oct 2016 · 661
celestialities
blue mercury Oct 2016
there’s a sea of people running away from the smoke of their pasts.
they call out the names of their mothers, and ex lovers
they look up at the sky and fear that the moment
they've been waiting for
has happened already.
call me a stranger, it’s okay.
it’s okay to say that the moments are evanescent,
because they are.
but it’s not okay to pretend like
they never happened
because they are here. fading, but here.
i’m here. fading into the blur of people, but i am here.
tell me something.
tell me i’ve been running towards the wrong end
of disaster, or that the world is upside down and
i’m actually walking on the ceiling, and
that years, and years, and years ago,
people used to swim in the sky
and swallow mouthfuls of the galaxy.
wait a moment.
i know it’s been too long,
because i’ve waited for ages to dance in the moonlight,
to go
around and around.
there is no remedy for going in circles.
but to take the straight path would turn
me into a straight-edged square.
i’d rather not become that version of myself,
that person scares me.


/


the night sky is easier to imagine
when
you close your eyes with that classical music playing
in your ears, flannel sheets wrapping your body
in their embrace.
i embrace the lights in the night that are lanterns
floating in the dark conquering it, if only just for
a little while.
they say only light
can conquer the dark
but they never really tell you whether or not
the dark can ever swallow the light
in its mouth of black holes, whirlpools,
and eternal sleep.
the lanterns go out,
and where are we but in the dark,
making ourselves into something
that is almost useless,
but not
pointless.
are you ready now? i ask.
are you ready?


/


your cough syrup throat and my candy corn teeth
are playing hide and seek,
i’d never make you bleed.
the glitter on your eyelids remind me
of a time that was prettier than this one.
the stars would  s  h  i  n  e
and b-l-i-n-k like neon lights,
and they’d carve our names into the bark of the
sky, a memory of the oceans we drowned in
when they stretched between us.
your lispy words, and my groggy voice.
mornings, and skydiving from the chandeliers
into a pool
of deeper thoughts.
i’m caught up in my imagination,
it’s the weights around my ankles
pulling me down
into a more dangerous place
where imagination and reality
collide.
i find asylum in the everyday nonbeliever.


/


hurry on now, my darling, it is getting late.
hurry on now, my lovely, although you can’t run from fate.
these celestialities are all driving me mad.
this celestial city can’t be all that bad.
it can’t be
all that bad.
a four part stream of consciousness.
life is celestial in itself.
                -blue
Oct 2016 · 1.7k
someplace
blue mercury Oct 2016
i just want to go some place nice,
somewhere the sky is pretty- like you.
i want to be like you.
you know, i have a lot to give to the world i just-
don’t know what it is yet.
but i’ll get there. i promise i’ll get there.
until then my heart will be in that pretty place
there, the trees will be tall,
and it will always feel like autumn. warm,
but cool. and the leaves
will always be in those orange-red hues,
the water will stay so clear and blue, that
you will see little minnows when
you dip your toes into the creek.
i’m not used to living on the edge, i’m just living
and that’s alright with me,
because i don’t want to be someone
i am not.
i am careful.
i am not reckless.
in that pretty place, the sweet little people
will be in their sweet little homes.
although, some of them will not be home they
will just be in a house.
a house they wish was a home,
but it can’t be because
home is where the heart is and as pretty as that
little place is,
their hearts are not there.
their hearts, like mine, are elsewhere.
perhaps with the stars and their blinking lights,
or at the bottom of the sea,
where the pebbles are rough beneath your toes,
and you try to hold your breath forever
because you are no longer
in the shallows.
you are somewhere deeper.
i want to go some place the water is deeper,
and the people think clearly
through all of the fog
and it’s all pretty
like you.
i think i'm falling in again.
blue mercury Oct 2016
i've got my eyes set on the sky but my feet are nailed to the ground. gravitational pulls and cosmic love are contradictory, what can i say?

you can't see where i get it from though, all this love love love love, and babe neither can i. it lights me on fire and tears me to shreds, it makes me scared to go to bed, and all this thinking of the love i can't get to rest when i do, it keeps me awake at night.

i have no time to die, i've got things to do and people to see and nothing you say can stop me. (except for those three words that blue eyed wonder has said to me lately- but i am his friend, i am his friend, and he love love loves me, so you can't stop me, you can't.)

these days i have become well acquainted with these facts.
a. i am not loved
b. i can not be loved
c. i am broken
d. i will always be broken
and e. no one wants to share this madness that drips from the words i speak when i'm sober. (i'm always sober the only thing i've ever been drunk on is love love love. god i have so much. oh god, i can't stop.)

i'll swing like sinatra, rock like a rolling stone baby, and remind everyone of the mixtapes they used to love love love when they played seven minutes of heaven in their mother's closets on a saturday. the closet i used to hide in, but i'm clean now, wearing green, and my name is blue blue blue.

i'll have a little baby girl one day. i'll call her baby blue and she'll spit fires and cry snow flakes, and she'll remind everyone of how they used to love love love love love.
i'm a mess babe
Oct 2016 · 899
tidbits
blue mercury Oct 2016
i say tell me

you say el

i say please

you say okay okay okay

i say stop stop stop

you say i love

i say no one

you say well yeah but

i say okay okay okay

you say sorry

i say *there's no need to be sorry i did this to myself
an imaginary conversation with a very real boy.
Oct 2016 · 250
Untitled
blue mercury Oct 2016
he says she's got freckles
in the shape
of the little dipper
on her back
and that looking at it
is like
gazing at a night sky
with the colours
inverted
Oct 2016 · 451
moonwalk
blue mercury Oct 2016
i moonwalk, halo skewed and shredded.
sleep talk, mouth twisted, heart burning.

i am not an astronaut or an angel
or a small child- not anymore.

i used to be ethereal with stars in my eyes.
i used to be young and full of promise.

(promise me you see the gold
promise me you won't go blind)

i fall forward, my face buried in imagination,
i haul the sword, to cut this heart in half.

i'm not a soldier, or a courtier
or whole, i never was.

but i used to be ethereal.
oh!

i used to be, i used to be, i used to be...
Oct 2016 · 581
between gold and oblivion
blue mercury Oct 2016
the gold flecks in her eyes
are so much like fire,

he doesn't remember what it felt like
to have my icy fingers on his spine.

the gold flecks in her eyes
burn so ******* bright,

he is forever blinded
to all displays of my affection.

my ice, my burning charcoal eyes,
my dark, dark, dark.

i needed his light,
i needed his warmth to melt my walls.

but he needed another fire,
to burn like hell,

and feel like heaven.
what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

and what he doesn't see is not there.
for a contest where the title was the prompt.
blue mercury Oct 2016
i.
my love for him sometimes
was like a whispered secret

in the dead of the night:
quiet and careful.

other times it was a violent
thrash of the tongue,

hands clinging on to the highest
tree branch, afraid to fall.

(afraid to say goodbye.)


ii.
in hindsight i am sorry for trying
to save myself from getting hurt

by you.

i only shattered my heart
in the process.

iii.
(goodbye, ghost, i'm sorry
that i loved you so.)

(goodbye ghost, i'm sorry
that i let you go.)
another one of those days when i don't know *** i'm doing.
Oct 2016 · 643
fool's gold
blue mercury Oct 2016
there’s no real gold, but this kind is for fools like us who don’t know any better.

you make me feel like the world is ending, so i allow you to smile at me. i let you hug me and ask if i’m okay. i say yes. i’m just tired. but there’s so much i don’t tell you: how your baby blue eyes make me feel like everything is crashing and burning, how when you hug me, i feel like we’ve made a fire in antarctica (something warm in this cold warzone of a world).

stop worshiping young gods, false gods, no god- this place is not a temple.

you are nothing. i want you to be nothing to me. because the last time i felt like this, i got my heart ripped out of my chest by his pretty, stepped on by reality, and spat on by every person who said, “i told you so.” the stars are my hope, and the sad thing is that all of those stars are already dead. maybe it’s troubling to think about it that way, but it’s all that i’ve got. but with these hopes and my fears i can’t be free.

i’ve got petrichor trapped in a bottle, and melancholy in my eyes and they sing hallelujah.*

i tell my friend that i like the way you smell in the morning. for ages i haven’t been able to why. i’ve known you for over a year and only now am i figuring out why. it makes you human. it smells like brand new, clean, and sweat. yes. there’s something beautifully strange in the way your most human attribute is the way you smell after walking to school, but this prison might be the only way i can feel you hold me when you know i’m not okay.
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