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blue mercury Aug 2017
i hate this
i feel like everything inside of me
is fractured.
i am fractured.

the rest of me still lies with you.
my whole,
it lies with you.

i feel so sad.

everything i am is intertwined
with you.
and yet everyone expects
me to split my soul
and still go on
as if i am complete.

when i'm not.

when i'm broken in pieces
some of which are missing
are with you
you you you you you you you

i love you so ******* much, okay?

i can't just let go.

i don't want to lose that much of myself
when i had just found out
who she was,
and her purpose
while loving you.
i'm not whole anymore, i'm so freaking empty.
blue mercury Aug 2017
i hate endings.
i'm not a lover of beginnings either,
but the story
the stuff in between?
it grabs me so hard, and shakes me by the
shoulders sometimes.

i'm thankful for our in between.
even if the ending is tearing me
to shreds.
even if the clumsiness of our beginning still
runs miles through my head


*i'll be that girl who always waits for the sequel- no matter how long it takes for it to come. i promised you always, i promised you...
i can't stop crying, i can't stop these bullets, i can't stop apologizing
blue mercury Aug 2017
Why does the heart go on?
blue mercury Aug 2017
i'm tired.
and mentally.

i've felt so much,
and used up so much energy
and thought too long and too hard
about everything.

i'm tired.
i just can't find motivation some
mornings, some afternoons,
some nights (at all/ever).
blue mercury Aug 2017
i still cry every day.
but this time,
the pain hits me at one minute before midnight.
as thursday starts to bleed
into friday
i remember our days
and i get so so scared that they’re over.

midnight comes.
it’s tomorrow now, it’s the next day,
and i just want to cry until my heart
is hollow.
i want to get punched in the chest.
i want to
sob for hours until i can never ever cry again.
i want there to be an echo, so as to prove
that my heart is empty.

it’s not empty.

there’s so much love in there, babe.
i still love you so much that it hurts
to breathe.
what’s the point
in life without you?

i’m scared that you’ve stopped
loving me.
that all this effort i’m trying to put in
so that we can be together,
so i can love you
without pain,
is for naught.

i love you more than poetry,
more than myself.
i would tear myself to shreds and
i would never write another word
if it meant that i could have you again,
if you could take me again.

i want to stop crying.
but i don’t want to give up on us.
sometimes this is more than i could handle.
ian, my biggest fear was life without you
and now i understand the reason.

as much as i smile
everything inside of me is fractured into little fragments
my bluest oceans are murky
my skies are cloudy
my future is dim.
this smile is a coverup
a defense mechanism.

no, everything is not okay.
no, i am not doing better.
no, i have not and will not stop loving you.
no matter what they tell me.
i can't. it's 12:15 in the morning and i wish i couldn't feel my heart anymore.
blue mercury Nov 2016
i spent two hours crying because
i realized
everything i thought i had
**i didn't
blue mercury Sep 2017
You can’t be real
you hold me until we fall asleep
I just hold still
when I wake and you don’t
You call me baby,
and I never thought I’d like that much
But I think that maybe,
that might just be enough.
blue mercury Dec 2016
i wake in the dark.
i check the clock on my wall too see what time it is,
and it’s only three in the morning.
i’m reminded of that song
by matchbox 20.
it’s three am, i must be lonely.

i’m used to being left.
this shouldn’t happen
you said.
people like me never know what we need.
this shouldn’t happen.

i feel as if i am suspended in time.
while people keep moving on.
i’ll cut off my tongue
so the words i say
*can never hurt you.
an old one from october of last year- october is never a good month for me.
blue mercury Jan 2017
haunted houses. we are haunted houses- skyscrapers touching the sky with our fingers, holding dreams in our palms, praying no one looks inside of us, through the windows.

inside lie broken people, staring out, looking for someone to see them, but still lying by the window.

when one pane of glass is all that keeps us from falling, it's easy to break the glass and jump. that's how i fell for you. (you know, reality hurts.)

somewhere along the way those dreams in my palms were used to wash the windows and the lost soul inside of me sees everything in a dream colored tint.

i never wanted to be broken, or haunted, or in love but things happen and here i am, the person inside of me no longer inside of me. no, she fell too hard and broke too easily, for the beauty inside of you couldn't catch.
blue mercury Oct 2016
smoker's cough
cough syrup
syrup on pancakes
pancakes flat on the road
road signs
sign language
language is power
power-puff girl
girl with a flat chest
chest full of secrets
secrets of lovers
lovers kissing
kissing goodbye
goodbye for now
now or never
never leave
leave me alone
alone on a sunday night
night whispers
whispers like autumn
autumn weather
weather for sweaters
sweaters unraveling
unraveling thoughts
thoughts on peace
peace and quiet
quiet down
down the rabbit hole
hole in my head
head of the household
household of disfunction
disfunction in my brain
brain dead
dead serious
serious situations
situations avoided
avoided my problems
problems with me
me and you
you are nothing
nothing much
much different
different sides of the world
world keeps spinning
spinning like a record
record speed
speed dating
dating yesterday
yesterday is gone
gone with the wind
wind on my skin
skin deep
deep water
water bed
bed of flowers
flowers in my hair
hair so brown
brown like mud
mud pie
pie filled with cherry
cherry red
red blood
blood oath
oath by the river
river fishes
fishes swimming
swimming in tanks
tanks in the desert
desert people
people without purpose
purposefully making up my mind
mind your mother
mother knows best
best man
manly faces
faces i can't remember
remember this?
this is where i say no
no thanks
thanks for the memories
memories erased
erased the words
words caught in my throat
throat full of tears
tears on my cheeks
cheeks of ruby red hue
hue of blue
blue skies
skies are falling
falling in love
love you more
more than you ever loved me
idk this could've gone on forever sorry it's so **** long
blue mercury Mar 2017
"you know we (your friends) would never leave you right?"

"i mean, that's what they all SAY until ****."

"well, i won't leave"


a cute conversation i had with a cuter boy.
blue mercury Nov 2016
i never thought i'd become this but here i am not knowing, just doing. you don't say the things you used to say and i guess that is alright, i guess that is fine, i guess i'm running out of guesses now. my actions are full of consequences and those consequences are full of nothing important will you tell me that the sky is the limit, you're eyes are the limit with limitless depth. you said that one day everything would be okay. you ******* promised me that you would never stop calling me beautiful, but now you don't disagree when i say that i feel like a ***. what do you think i do? i can't do anything but pretend like i never loved you. what can i do if it's not being deprived of sleep you being the thought that fills my brain god it hurts. your eyes matched my name and we were meant to be together but nothing goes as planned.
i don't know guys
blue mercury Nov 2016
i’m nothing but the fool
my love was on fire, your eyes were cool
and i have suddenly become your stranger
and you have easily become a traitor

and oh what a miracle we were
but oh i forgot we never could occur
in the same place
there’s not a way
please go away

stars in the sky burning like hellfire
their lights above my hurting desire
ice in the eyes my only lover
scars on my heart as you make love to her
in the dark a.m.
oh in the dark a.m.

i’ve got tears in my eyes
my wrists are on fire, i needed your lies
and i have broken my heart myself
and you have fallen for someone else

and oh what an ache’s in my head
but oh my eyes are still blood red
in the same way
they were before you came
and now you’re away

stars in the sky burning like hellfire
their lights above my hurting desire
ice in the eyes my only lover
scars on my heart as you make love to her
in the dark a.m.
oh in the dark a.m.
a little song i wrote. i may record it once i get an ukulele. it seems like a happy melody/sad lyric type of song.
blue mercury Dec 2016
there are some things we want that we can’t always have. happiness. love. but we make it through, you know? why? because humans are resilient creatures. we are made to withstand pain, and loss, and whatever else. biologically that’s how we’re made, it’s an evolutionary thing. it’s something that happened because of our history as creatures on earth. we are adaptable.
an excerpt from one of my short stories.
blue mercury May 2017
i wanted an angel.

peach flavoured love that dripped down my chin, lips covered in sugar.

i wanted passion.

to ascend unlonely through the cotton candy sky with all of its lovely whispers.

i wanted a muse.

someone to kiss and tell the world about as i bit my sugar dusted lip, and dreamed of their sunfilled mouth, and i wanted constant contact and all of the tell me you love me moments.

my fragile lungs would hardly be able to breathe in air as pure as the air that they'd breathe.

i wanted an angel to love until i became one. I needed love so badly that it would choke me with cold hands, frigid but still warm somehow.

i wanted guidance. to soar away from here.
blue mercury Oct 2016
i don't kiss angels
but i love them until i
become one myself
blue mercury Jun 2017
the girl's body feels like that of a goddess when he touches her thighs. he says that when he kisses her she tastes like love and something he can't quite put his finger on. it isn't until she pulls him closer that he can. he realizes it's longing that he tastes.

who knew aphrodite longed for anything? for anyone?

the girl is soft her cheeks coloured like redwood, her hair dark and wild, her eyes brown. she's warmer than usual, but her hands are still cold. when he asks to kiss her, she doesn't want to close her eyes, she's afraid that she's too high up. mount olympus doesn't care for mortals, but she doesn't want to forget this one.

yes. aphrodite longs all of the time and as his laughter waterfalls down her spine, she doesn't remember anything but his brightness, that he is what makes her beauty.

goddess of love met her match. a mortal boy that feels like the god of autumn causes the leaves inside of her chest to fall and change colour.

she paints her love in shades of red. her hands on his body are pink-rose at the palms. this goddess of beauty has never seen any of her potential. perhaps it was wasted until he looked at her with disbelief, because she's never felt worth that gaze, but gods does she want it.

he looks at her and he just wants to occupy the same space forever.

*she looks at him and holds all the love in the universe in her hands.
blue mercury Jan 2017
i fell in hole i just couldn’t get out of
i let my thoughts be spoken aloud. love,
just tell me the truths that i’ve never heard,
and i’ll write you some pretty songs about birds

(or something.)  but, i wonder how you would ever treat my scars
the light inside the world is bright but i still feel dark
(inside.) but in all of these moments i just reminisce
about the ones i can’t help but miss.

and i’m on fire, fire, fire. x2

but you make me want to live in this one moment
with your leather jacket, with your arms wide open.
there’s something to you, and the gravel inside your voice,
when you say to me ‘hey, i love you’ like i never had a choice.

and i guess i could fly in those space ships that glow,
but with my luck they will crash and burn like apollo.
you’re a bicycle and i just need learn how not fall,
but the taste of grass isn’t bad and it feels kind of soft.

i don’t mind the burn, the burn, the burn. x2

i’m a bubblegum babygirl, so pink i feel just like lace,
but i’m stained, and impure, yeah you can see it on my face.
and i do believe in god, i promise i do,
but i'm really wanting to lose all religion somewhere quiet with you.

everything is colored in a seafoam like green.
when i’m not even in the ocean i’m somewhere in between
heaven and hell and the dumpster we call earth,
but i don’t think you’re trash for whatever it’s worth.

and i’ve burned into ash, ash, ash x2
(inspired by )
another song for my albummm i'm so excited, ack!

also this is about half crush - he's not a half crush anymore?

it's more like a "holy smokes so many feels" situation
blue mercury Apr 2017
i'm sick of being a broken toy/
a parasite.
perhaps i belong to the dump.
perhaps amongst the dead.
i don't want attention. i'm just so so sad right now and i hate how i let things get to me and i feel like i'm going to drown in  my own tears and i'm half craving it all to just go away and half wishing i could just be with my boyfriend because he's the only thing that makes sense right now. i don't know.
blue mercury Nov 2016
i'm hoping i won't fall behind
i'm choking trying to swallow my pride
it's broken, along with my heart and my mind
not knowing whether its all going to be fine
i'm showing up on the borderline
flowing in between everything that's not mine
blue mercury Dec 2016
you were the worst mistake
i ever made
and i realize it was a waste
of heart
to want something so fake
that i knew would harm my well being but

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore

you were outer space
and galaxies.
you were the smile on my face,
and in all my dreams.
but hope has started
to stop coming and it's fleeing but

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore

memories burn down the walls of my mind
everything's slowing frozen in time
i never asked for much
i expected more than this
i guess
i guess
it was too much

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore

all i ever wanted
was everything you promised
why was it so hard to give?
you said you wouldn't stop, love,
but look where that got us
i'm broken and you don't even speak to me anymore
you don't even speak to me anymore
a song from a full length album i'm working on?
blue mercury Oct 2016
don’t rip my heart out of my chest until the swallows are choking on their hallelujahs.

twelve year old girls are popping pills; mommy’s medicine cabinet, vicodin to numb the pain. slitting wrists is out of style so they smoke instead, slow motion suicide that is nothing but a human way of escape. self sacrifice is sin unless you can make it look like an accident.

mommy and daddy think i am innocent but i’ve lost my sense of self awareness, i crash.

babydolls drool on her pillow tonight, their chests are ripped open and their eyes are gouged out. baby lucy doesn’t want to meet little bear, she’s already met the beasts in her mommy’s heart that beats at a rapid speed even when she’s sleeping. mommy is weeping.

it’s my party, it’s my party, i’ll **** well cry if i want to.*

my mind is not twisted, it’s just a little hazy, so i’ve forgotten who i am. no one knows how crazy it can get when your parents toss you around like a rag doll maybe i’ll bleed out all of the drugs that are swirling inside me.
it's sad what the world is coming to
blue mercury Apr 2017
i need you in order to water the baby’s breath
that grows inside of me,
trapped in my ribcage and collarbones.
i’m spilling over with harsh subliminal messages,
subconscious limits that make my skies
but you are every colour,
a prism met with light reflecting the rainbow,
and somehow not only am i yours
but you are mine as well.
insistent, telling myself
that you are worth it-
all of the bitter heartache that will come.
nothing lasts forever.
miniature lifetimes,
taking over the whole.
you’re my little secret
but the world should
know you're mine.
i love him.
blue mercury Apr 2018
kiss me in your backseat
like nothing has ever been like this before
'cause you kiss like a promise
like you have never wanted anything more
than me

and just maybe, i'm crazy about you baby
and i guess it's a mess but i've always loved messy

and with your lips on my neck, i feel like the best is yet to come
and with my heart on my sleeve, i hope you can see it beats like a drum

and i'm wrapped around your finger and my gaze might just linger on your face
and i can't help but notice what we've made of this moment in this place

is beautiful
you're beautiful.

in the streetlights, with your brown eyes looking into my heart
hold me tighter, with your bright lights lighting up the dark
you're lighting up
i wanna give you wild love, the kind that never slows down
blue mercury Apr 2017
i want to undress your words with my lips
with your hands placed above my hips.
our mouths in this messy bedroom dance,
and all of this love in my hands, your heart in my hands-

i can barely stay calm when you look at me like that, darling.
i want to kiss him so bad.
blue mercury Dec 2016
i spit out a fever and inhale a disease. there isn't much to see other than the time we let go to waste, the lovers we still forgot even with their faces always on the refrigerator. what you can not see is not real, what you can not touch isn't either.

in this endlessness,
i can't stop the raging fear;
it's a hurricane.

you don't know what you want to get out of me and i don't know why i look at you and see everything i've ever wanted. maybe it's those eyes, or the truth i sought to find when you called me beautiful. rushing, busy, busier, i go everywhere and nowhere but you're still on my mind.

flimsy tragedies
still fall from bending backwards.
how did we get here?

head over heels is an understatement i fell, heart out of mouth for you. i threw up my heart and my head spun around like a carousel. i was the clown and you were the ring master. sometimes you can't tame lions. sometimes the lion tames you.

i bleed beautifully,
fell in love with ideas,
hoping for the man.
why is love so complicated?
blue mercury Oct 2016
the gold flecks in her eyes
are so much like fire,

he doesn't remember what it felt like
to have my icy fingers on his spine.

the gold flecks in her eyes
burn so ******* bright,

he is forever blinded
to all displays of my affection.

my ice, my burning charcoal eyes,
my dark, dark, dark.

i needed his light,
i needed his warmth to melt my walls.

but he needed another fire,
to burn like hell,

and feel like heaven.
what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

and what he doesn't see is not there.
for a contest where the title was the prompt.
blue mercury Dec 2016
the gold flecks in her eyes
are so much like fire,

he doesn't remember what it felt like
to have my icy fingers on his spine.

the gold flecks in her eyes
burn so ******* bright,

he is forever blinded
to all displays of my affection.

my ice, my burning charcoal eyes,
my dark, dark, dark.

i needed his light,
i needed his warmth to melt my walls.

but he needed another fire,
to burn like hell,

and feel like heaven.
what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

and what he doesn't see is not there.
come on homie, pull it together
blue mercury May 2017
you look at me again
you touch me
and i think i might
slip through
your fingers

knowing you won't let go
i drink my lavender tea
with agave nectar
so when you finally kiss me
you will taste
the gardens
you've planted

i can feel my heart race
like it's running somewhere
far away from here
and i decide
that it's running somewhere
with yours

nothing else matters
no matter what happens
blue mercury Jan 2017
you make me happy
no one can see me
blue mercury May 2017
they tell you to play the game
but you hate it

it’s breaking your spirit
and you want to get out
of your head
but at least there you feel like
no one can get you.

or well
that’s what you thought.
you thought that
if you stayed in your mind
you’d be fine
but it betrays you

no good
get OUT of my head

please just get out of my head
blue mercury May 2017
i want to inhale the rosemary of your aura until it settles into my veins. i want to bathe in the honey that sits in your voice. I want to drink you in/breathe your air until the two of us blend into one person, until your breath is mine.

god, i love you. i love you and i want to give you all of my good moments while still letting you into the bad. i just want to share my life with you.

one day i will memorize your skin and when i close my eyes, i will feel what it's like to be near you even though i am not. i don't know who i am, but next to you i like myself.

i want to tell you to close your eyes. i'll trace your eyelids with my thumbs, put your bottom lip in between my lips, and kiss you like you are an angel, because in some way you are.

i'm ******* glowing, like fireflies and faerie lights, i'm the sparkle in your eyes when you glance at me when you think i'm not looking. you're everything i can't remember, but i know.

i want a slow dance in october, i want whatever love that lies inside of your chest until you cave in. and i'll still love you when you're fragile.
this is bad
blue mercury Jan 2017
you're the georgia sun
autumn's breeze
glow in the dark

i feel
like a sproutling
swaying in the breeze
until i begin to rustle
blue mercury Apr 2017
fractured limbs/fragile lugs/soft-skinned dreams/sweet slow dances

loving you is like spilling gold out of my veins, like rose hips soft and shivering under warm fingertips. being yours is you being mine, but always reaching for you to be more.

in my stomach are glistening oceans, and my swallowed pride the size of vicodin pills. a small town girl's high on love and laying in her bed.

lilting laughter/lovely lights/revival of language & direction/return of lucid daydreams

you are my first thought when i wake, and my last when i fall asleep. i'm so very in love with you. the more days i spend being your girl, the more i want to be with you.

i always want to be where you are. my head on your shoulder, you rest your head on top of mine. we're holding hands, and it's like we fold into each other like russian dolls.

comfortable skin/crushed sapphire/lovers blessed/lush bones
i'm so in love
blue mercury Oct 2016
there’s a sea of people running away from the smoke of their pasts.
they call out the names of their mothers, and ex lovers
they look up at the sky and fear that the moment
they've been waiting for
has happened already.
call me a stranger, it’s okay.
it’s okay to say that the moments are evanescent,
because they are.
but it’s not okay to pretend like
they never happened
because they are here. fading, but here.
i’m here. fading into the blur of people, but i am here.
tell me something.
tell me i’ve been running towards the wrong end
of disaster, or that the world is upside down and
i’m actually walking on the ceiling, and
that years, and years, and years ago,
people used to swim in the sky
and swallow mouthfuls of the galaxy.
wait a moment.
i know it’s been too long,
because i’ve waited for ages to dance in the moonlight,
to go
around and around.
there is no remedy for going in circles.
but to take the straight path would turn
me into a straight-edged square.
i’d rather not become that version of myself,
that person scares me.


the night sky is easier to imagine
you close your eyes with that classical music playing
in your ears, flannel sheets wrapping your body
in their embrace.
i embrace the lights in the night that are lanterns
floating in the dark conquering it, if only just for
a little while.
they say only light
can conquer the dark
but they never really tell you whether or not
the dark can ever swallow the light
in its mouth of black holes, whirlpools,
and eternal sleep.
the lanterns go out,
and where are we but in the dark,
making ourselves into something
that is almost useless,
but not
are you ready now? i ask.
are you ready?


your cough syrup throat and my candy corn teeth
are playing hide and seek,
i’d never make you bleed.
the glitter on your eyelids remind me
of a time that was prettier than this one.
the stars would  s  h  i  n  e
and b-l-i-n-k like neon lights,
and they’d carve our names into the bark of the
sky, a memory of the oceans we drowned in
when they stretched between us.
your lispy words, and my groggy voice.
mornings, and skydiving from the chandeliers
into a pool
of deeper thoughts.
i’m caught up in my imagination,
it’s the weights around my ankles
pulling me down
into a more dangerous place
where imagination and reality
i find asylum in the everyday nonbeliever.


hurry on now, my darling, it is getting late.
hurry on now, my lovely, although you can’t run from fate.
these celestialities are all driving me mad.
this celestial city can’t be all that bad.
it can’t be
all that bad.
a four part stream of consciousness.
life is celestial in itself.
blue mercury May 2017
feathered daydreams
semantically encoded heartache
we all remember
i remember

where we came from
we never go back to again
rationalizing pain until it
becomes a drum
and it echoes

i fall down the stairs again
hit my face on the tile
and when my lip bleeds
it comes as a relief

two-pence for lovers
a penny for thoughts
shots of chamomile to chase the night time

butterfly beats
ba-dum ba-dum
like eyelids longing for greater ends

spit out that memory
pull it out of your ears
maybe it doesn't really
matter anymore
sometimes it's all grey.
blue mercury Mar 2017
you are leathered with residue
decaying the rust off your skin
with our initials crawling into
alabaster sheets that all I have really
felt while staring out at the streets
we're people fading by egotistical
lack of self confidence
even though I admit using
seducing strategies
possibly disgusted by my own
that I am placing ******
thrills on my own configuration
because it's humid and blatant
unkowling breathing ruthless sentiments
of our holy communion

I am splitting into a holy sin
drenched in blissful wartime rations
of water or passion
your cotton skin and these sheets
bold statements between white teeth
it’s all a fading mystery
you said I’m something childlike
your hands are stained cherry
and even if they were around my neck
I’d whisper your name like a vesper
simply waiting
for the day to come where it all fades
because you refuse to be a
young god
no matter how it seems to be
to me in all of my naivety
collab w the lovely Glass ((:
blue mercury Dec 2016
go on
spit me out
and forget about me
like that piece of gum
on the side of
the road.
blue mercury Oct 2016
everything is confusing. i don’t know what i want but i guess that’s okay.

( leaves look red in autumn because the chlorophyll in them is deconstructing. they aren’t really green that’s just the colour of the light they reflect. i feel like that’s so very curious. there’s something about biology, the living world. it’s not as strange as we thought it was so many years ago but it’s not as simple as we think it to be when we don’t think about it at all.)

true colours run deep within the veins of every leaf, but its only when it's insides are being ripped apart that they show.

this is not a paradox, this is the way the universe tells us who we are.
on a road to self discovery.
blue mercury Nov 2016
they say sad times like these only come during changes of weather, and they blame it on your circadian rhythm. they could be right.

i just know that i don’t like sleeping anymore, because my dreams aren’t dreams, they’re visions straight out of hell. that’s where i’m going anyway, if those things they say are true. (***** little ****, let us fix you, okay? your feelings are only manifestations of the distance between you and your mother. lying is a sin, you can’t lie to god. suicide is sin, and you can't sleep your life away one day you'll awaken, until you don't.) but god, being awake is almost worse.

but there are some bright lights and, i swear, i’ve been holding onto them like my heaven and i love them so much and everything might be okay even if there are times when i can’t differentiate my sad tears from the ones triggered by joy.

maybe it’s okay to be awake, maybe one day i’ll be alright. maybe it’ll be soon. maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe...
i don't know why you all read my work and like it, but i love you guys so much **
blue mercury Oct 2018
i want to tell a story about the colors in the trees.

i want to tell you about the quaking in my hands.

i want you to know where the rain falls,
how the crashing voices
sound like waves in the night time,
tugged tides tied to the moon
like a leash to a dog.

i want to give you something to regret.

i want you to recall how i, in all of my
innocence and passion
fell over you
(in concentrated lust
but also romance)
on that day in late may,
how you held
my bare body against yours
how in that moment
i remembered nothing but skin and skin
skin, nothing
but firsts,
but blessings

i want you to wonder how the holy swallow their love.
(i have confirmed, they do it like one would pomegranate seeds- with their eyes shut, but you wouldn't know)

i want you to believe you lost a good thing.
there's love grown in my belly the way
i was told watermelon patches would when
i was young and didn't
know any better.

i want to say that i didn't know you would destroy me.
that the rips under my skin were a shock
the ice-pick to my heart was unexpected.

i want to say something
but all that comes out is
i'm sorry
not knowing what i'm sorry for.
my heart aches, but i'm living
blue mercury Feb 2017
i can't wait to cuddle with
you at a coffee shop,
on a bench,
with the smell of coffee beans,
and you,
blending into a gentle symphony.

i'd have a mint latte,
and maybe we could share,
and i'll say something stupid
like thank you for the day.
or i really like you.
instead of
freaking kiss me, okay?

then you could walk me
home, my heart
dancing on the way.
so so happy, i could diiie
blue mercury Mar 2018
this is
where two points collide/
where a body meets a soul/
where that gold tint in the skyline
is a reminder of how a past lover’s hair
appeared in the sunlight.

this is the place where the sky falls;
sun, moon, stars, and clouds
hit the ground. they crash
and they burn.

the ocean spills out so many gentle words.
but like love tokens in the night time
they mean nothing when
what is done
is done.
we are what we are.
scarred and unmade.
messy and undone.

what is holy?
is it the way you hold your lips,
or the straightness of your spine?
the glistening of skin in the moonlight
or the kiss of sweat on your forehead?
or is that just human?

when did i ever
stop being able to tell
the true difference?

in this place where
our points collide
and our stars align
slants in our sky
and it falls/flies/forces itself
upon the horizon

inside our rear view
is something we’ll forget
leave the past behind

and the stars,
they shall follow.
blue mercury Oct 2016
i just want your compass to point you to the home you could find in me

**it doesn't matter anyway
blue mercury Oct 2016
i still feel you in those times when i can drain the pain from my veins just long enough to smile, before it rips my skin and crawls its way back into my blood stream.

you are every poem i have ever written about love in a nutshell. you are so **** pretty. your pretty is a shredder, still ripping me to particles when all i want to do is sleep. forever.

i'd sing no doubt but you don't speak anyway. if i disregarded that though, would you see the irony? would you see that what i mean is i love you, i love you, i freaking love you, and i'm sorry i didn't try hard enough.

i still think you weave words like blankets for newborn angels. even when the blanket is wool, and it's itchy, and god babe, was that last poem about me? because if so, i want to ask if i'm a baby angel or if i'm just one or the other, a baby or an angel. because right now i don't feel like either, i just feel lost.

you make me sick.

not because i don't love you.

i'd prefer you burn me with words instead of whipping my already scarred heart with silence. now my wings are falling off and i am falling apart with them. the cloud i'm floating on is pitch black and its on a pathway to something horrible.

i define fragility with silent sobs in the back of my throat. my wrists still throb even though for almost a year, i've been totally clean. the amount time i've been clean is coincidentally very close to coinciding with the amount of time i've known you, and i don't know if ever knew you because i never thought you'd just go like this.

i left for you. almost everything i do is for you- why don't you understand?

i'm still not ready to say goodbye so the change in the weather tries to do it for me. it says that a new season means a new life, and since i didn't know how to live without you in the old one, maybe now i can learn to live without you in this new one.

this is almost a goodbye. one day, maybe it will be.
very personal. ack.
blue mercury Apr 2017
sometimes i imagine how life will be
when you move off to new york.

will you be brighter
without me to dim you?

i see you bustling
about the big city, following your
dreams up there
while i'm chasing mine
down here

in this nowhere town with its
roots buried in the past
and its leaves curving downward.

how do i know that your ever-beating heart
will race its way back to mine?

you will be  up there
with the honey coloured streetlights
and the streets bursting with so many  lives,
that they tell their own story.
i'll be down here with the honey suckle bushes
and the pale white lights in the sky
staring down at me.

my hand will stretch for something to hold it
my lips looking for someone to kiss
my body bracing itself for the embrace
that never comes
and always goes,

you will always go
and lying alone
in bed
i hope
that you remember
to return.

you'll find me on the corner of the street,
where you first said,"'hey, what's your name again?"
if you found me alone where'd you want to be?
it'll all change but i'd still be the way that i was when we were young
and in love and free.
believe me.
love, distance and lany inspired
blue mercury Nov 2016
you have the sweetest constellation
of a smile.
i love to play connect the dots
with the corners of your mouth.
i want
to use my pinkie finger
and drag it along your lips as
lay still
and my
hands shake.
i'd take
my time
and love you like an angel.

i love it when we embrace.
you always squeeze a bit too tight,
you call me el - i
only allow you to call me el-
and then you look me in the eyes
with those
blue, lightbulb, l-e-d, pastel coloured eyes
of yours.

i'm moving forward
from the heartache,
and i'm looking at you.
you are not a fallback
and i don't even deserve your attention.
but when you say that you told your family
i sneeze like a kitten,
i imagine meeting them,
your mother saying:
that's the one.

maybe you'll save me from myself,
because he never could.

one day,
we kiss
one day,
we kiss
i hope i can say
i can give you all you deserve.
i don't know anything
blue mercury Aug 2017
i never knew that a body could be so intriguing. i never understood the appeal of michelangelo's david statue.

why, i wondered, would a huge naked man draw not only the eyes of millions but be awe insiring and cause people to look at themselves as a part of a larger scheme?

but, oh my god. i look at you and david? he has no chance. he is made of marble, of stone, but i have a real boy, a living boy.

i will swallow my pride for a moment and admit that you are freaking  beautiful, more than i, and that is when you are clothed.

i could stare at your smile for hours if it didn't make me feel like i'm dying. if i could do so whilst breathing. i look at you, and i feel like i am a part of a greater scheme.

because, there's a chance that i could some day see the most honest way we compliment each other. more than just touch, more than lust, we could be love.

the fact that i will one day know the map of your body like a home town, like my childhood house- david never got the kind of love i want to give you, i'm sure of it.

i imagine that david tasted like cinnamon and guilt with a little bit of victory, or at least, i imagine that's how he would taste to me.

but you, you taste like freedom and fire / shyness and desire, and i'm telling you i would gaze upon you like you are art.

you **** all of the giants and monsters and evils in my head with your words like flying stones.

david has nothing on you babe.

because while he is crafted form marble, i stole you from the stars.
love/lust is in the air, my darlings
blue mercury Feb 2017
i used to think that confidence
was never really common sense
thought it was like lost innocence
it was something you earned
but you make me feel so worth it
w/o showering me in compliments
you’ve awaken all of my senses
i’m feeling alive

don’t tell me that fate is a lie
i’ll believe in it until i die
doesn’t matter long as i try
to be better than i am
to be bigger than my issues
i’m crying away all the tissues
you’ve never said “i’ll fix you”
you’ve just said “i’m here”

sometimes the way you look at me
i swear it’s just make-believe
but i live for this lucid dream
that keeps me wide awake
you’re what i write about when i can’t sleep
i know that talk is freaking cheap
but your words
have more worth
than any dollar bill.
i’m letting my thoughts spill.
your space, i’d gladly fill.

don’t tell me that fate is a lie
i’ll believe in it until i die
doesn’t matter long as i try
to be better than i am
to be bigger than my issues
i’m crying away all the tissues
you’ve never said “i’ll fix you”
you’ve just said “i’m here”

my head on your shoulder
my heart is warm my hands are colder
i’ll just go ahead and hold your
hand to spend away the time
lights out, my eyes won’t shut
no more sadness, yeah, i’ve had enough
this insomniac’s not waking up
this dream is here to stay

don’t tell me that fate is a lie
i’ll believe in it until i die
doesn’t matter long as i try
to be better than i am
to be bigger than my issues
i’m crying away all the tissues
you’ve never said “i’ll fix you”
you’ve just said “i’m here”
a song thingy
blue mercury Apr 2017
i want to slow dance the spring away.
i fall in love with you everyday,
and if we don't have forever
that doesn't really matter.
the moments we've had together
are enough to set fire
to my hesitation
and ignite new intentions
this is worth all of the heartache
that i may later have to face.
and all of these days
have blown my mind
because i never thought there'd be a time
when i'd love again.
you're more than a boyfriend,
you're a best friend.
and in this splendor
your love is tender
i couldn't do better
than you if i tried.
when i'm with you i'm alive.
i'm glowing,
i'm holding
onto you
because i've never loved like this
i wish,
i could say i did
at one point
but i've never ever loved this way.
which is to say,
you make me feel like the world around me
could crash and burn
but i wouldn't care,
because you put out the flames in my head,
i could say it's not fair,
how i want to compare
you to every season
love you beyond reason
kiss you until i'm breathing
the air you're needing.
but thank you
for loving me,
when no one bothered
to give me a chance
and as we dance away the spring,
your smile's still my favorite thing.
baby, who needs redbull,
when you've already given me wings?
two months x
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