you blew a hole
through my fragile skull
and planted dandelions to grow
inside of the soil
you poured
into it

make a wish before they're gone
*make a wish, baby, make a wish

i could never ever  forget the night i met nari. it was like magic, like the powers that be wanted our destinies to collide, to crash, to blend.

it was the night a meteor shower was to come to my small town. people came from neighbouring cities just to see them, these bright lights, these shooting stars. everyone was camping out, the high school's football field covered with trucks and blankets and tents. There were even people cuddling with blankets wrapped around them in the bleachers, their words filling the air as they prepared to stare at the sky, prepared to see something more beautiful than anything they'd ever seen.

i was doing the same, sitting in the back of my dad's truck with a blanket over my shoulders, but i was beginning to doze off. i was feeling a sensation much like falling, when i heard a someone speaking in my direction.

"need help staying awake?"

it turns out, i didn't need to stare at the sky and see a meteor shower to see something more beautiful than anything i'd ever seen. i just needed to open my eyes and look at her. she was smiling, and god, she had a smile that grow flowers, birth stars, and mend butterfly wings. and she was smiling. at. me.

my love for you is equal parts
messy
and lovely
like paint splattered
across a canvas
in pastel
colours

sometimes love leaves you
aching;
longing, for something
your fingers can’t touch,
and your mind can’t identify.

sometimes love leaves you
hungover;
blackout nights/headache in the a.m,
can’t move, your body’s heavy and
last night’s a blur.

sometimes love leaves you
poetry;
lines and lines of whispers,
words that you can only
give to 11:11 wishes, and midnight.

sometimes love(rs) leave;
going like a vagabond,
wanting none of your time,
the ache in your chest
throbbing.

she who wanted to be
more
than a pretty face
and soft skin

/

nothing more
than a fading
daydream-
sick

they tell you to play the game
but you hate it

it’s breaking your spirit
and you want to get out
of your head
but at least there you feel like
no one can get you.

or well
that’s what you thought.
you thought that
if you stayed in your mind
you’d be fine
but it betrays you

intelligent
existential
no good
get OUT of my head

please just get out of my head

loneliness
used to taste like cough syrup,
coating my throat
in artifice.

now i'm just lovesick
dancing in a sea of lights
they kiss my skin like
tulips/two lips/i'd choose this/new bliss/
our mouths collide like planet & asteroid

blood's rushing through my veins
trying to tell me to sing hallelujah
because i'm finally
just
living

and although
the pain is there
it is fading out of touch

i don't know where to stop
but i'll always
start
with this

you look at me again
you touch me
and i think i might
erode/
slip through
your fingers

knowing you won't let go
i drink my lavender tea
with agave nectar
so when you finally kiss me
you will taste
the gardens
you've planted

i can feel my heart race
like it's running somewhere
far away from here
and i decide
that it's running somewhere
with yours

nothing else matters

doll face
lavender thighs
rose gold heartbeat
alternate endings tracing cheekbones
like broken glass
your sawdust jawline

summertime soiree
knee-buckling faith
a mouthful of metaphors
forevers
daisy chained couplets
some purple skylines

feathers
cotton
hushed loving between
celestial bodies
grapefruit and coconut sugar
closing time

deities not quite worshiped
revered
hightop/high heel
purple jolly rancher
dress and tie
fingertips

hips swaying from side to side
windchimes
music
moments
love or truth
now or never

healing
breathless
full of life
merry-go-round mindset
happy dizzy
revolve around the sun

blood-stained melancholia
whitening strips for her thoughts
black
diffusers for her insides

you can make tea out of
the anxiety in her stomach
but no amount of honey
will make it sweet

waiting/sunrise/flushed cheeks/bliss

feathered daydreams
semantically encoded heartache
we all remember
i remember

where we came from
we never go back to again
rationalizing pain until it
becomes a drum
and it echoes

i fall down the stairs again
hit my face on the tile
and when my lip bleeds
it comes as a relief

two-pence for lovers
a penny for thoughts
shots of chamomile to chase the night time
away

butterfly beats
ba-dum ba-dum
ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum
fluttering
like eyelids longing for greater ends

spit out that memory
pull it out of your ears
maybe it doesn't really
matter anymore

peach coloured cheeks
sweet tea lips pink and sugary
georgia, oh georgia
a song buzzing on the highways

true love bleeding rubies
gems and glitter
love and need
cuddling under florescents

dream state
all this time i have been set ablaze
shocked

electric shock from firecracker veins
transmitting energy from my soul to yours
soft skin
one hundred percent cotton

i ran away when there was no place i wanted to be
but here

i wish i was with you
right now
our fingers laced
my head on your shoulder

your hands touch my face and then you kiss me
i can feel your heart race inside your chest
don't want to stop this peaceful melody

i'm drowning in your world of soft dreams
head on your shoulder when it needs to rest
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me

loving you's learning that love should be easy
when we are together i'm at my best
don't want to stop this beautiful melody

falling in while i wish to see you breathe
breaking down my walls, seeing i am blessed
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me

shivering as your tongue grazes my teeth
you love me as though i'm a lovely mess
don't want to stop this peaceful melody

drunk on your love like tennessee whisky
your body's a map and i'm on a quest
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me
don't want to stop this beautiful melody

fractured limbs/fragile lugs/soft-skinned dreams/sweet slow dances

loving you is like spilling gold out of my veins, like rose hips soft and shivering under warm fingertips. being yours is you being mine, but always reaching for you to be more.

in my stomach are glistening oceans, and my swallowed pride the size of vicodin pills. a small town girl's high on love and laying in her bed.

lilting laughter/lovely lights/revival of language & direction/return of lucid daydreams

you are my first thought when i wake, and my last when i fall asleep. i'm so very in love with you. the more days i spend being your girl, the more i want to be with you.

i always want to be where you are. my head on your shoulder, you rest your head on top of mine. we're holding hands, and it's like we fold into each other like russian dolls.

comfortable skin/crushed sapphire/lovers blessed/lush bones

i want to undress your words with my lips
with your hands placed above my hips.
our mouths in this messy bedroom dance,
and all of this love in my hands, your heart in my hands-

i can barely stay calm when you look at me like that, darling.

i do not think i am depressed,
but i've been showing signs of depression.
i'm holding on until
until
until
god knows what/when/where.

i need
something
bigger.
i need
to be
repaired.

i'm sick of being a broken toy/
a parasite.
perhaps i belong to the dump.
perhaps amongst the dead.

it's almost like we
glow in every moment now
i feel like we're stars

i didn't think i had the ability to ponder possibility anymore. but here i am, laying in bed, thinking of the future. i want to offer you, and only you, forever. however long forever lasts, (i wouldn't know i've never been) you can have mine.

we're floating in air
our feet never touch the ground
my heart knows the way

split into a better person i want to empty my veins and give you all i've got. i want you to see that time is endless. with you, i am suspended in time. although, we could have every day for the rest of our lives, but that still wouldn't be enough for me. i want eternity- is that too much?

i want careful love
but i also want to be reckless
i'll blossom for you

you say that you don't want to leave me, so you want to go, in two years to college in-state. i love that i'm someone that you want to change the path you take for. two years is a long time from now though and i'm scared we're too young to plan that far ahead. i'm scared of everything these days.

i'm afraid your mind
will change the moment my eyes
are closed - scared to blink

sometimes i imagine how life will be
when you move off to new york.

will you be brighter
without me to dim you?

i see you bustling
about the big city, following your
dreams up there
while i'm chasing mine
down here

in this nowhere town with its
roots buried in the past
and its leaves curving downward.

how do i know that your ever-beating heart
will race its way back to mine?

you will be  up there
with the honey coloured streetlights
and the streets bursting with so many  lives,
that they tell their own story.
i'll be down here with the honey suckle bushes
and the pale white lights in the sky
staring down at me.

my hand will stretch for something to hold it
my lips looking for someone to kiss
my body bracing itself for the embrace
that never comes
and always goes,

you will always go
and lying alone
in bed
i hope
that you remember
to return.

you'll find me on the corner of the street,
where you first said,"'hey, what's your name again?"
if you found me alone where'd you want to be?
it'll all change but i'd still be the way that i was when we were young
and in love and free.
believe me.

eventually your body and mind will cry
"no more."
and your heart
will listen

i am a million wrongs written in braille.
don't touch me, or i will be seen for what i am.
even though i don't know what i am.
so i guess it's best
that you leave me alone.

You left your honey mouth in the cupboard, so
today your words are fogged glass
Don't you ever ponder upon the bruises you leave?
stained glass is considered art,
but it's not until you put it somewhere
to be admired that people know.
I saw you from a mile away-
like a kitchen fire
and someone's (dead) body.
But you were humming that melody
that made me seasick with its radio waves, and
made me burn bright with shame.
I always thought that maybe you'd see your
reflection in the puddles at your feet,
and that you'd try to change it
with your rain boots, dip them in the unwelcome depictions.
But I know that you'd continue on with your life,
saying that the reflected you was nothing
that you were something. You, in flesh, in spirit
You claimed you emptied your bones and filled
them with pebbles so you'd be grounded, when really,
you were just stuck in a rut,
smelling of sea water,
trying to get some sleep.
I tell myself that you were not wicked,
but why else couldn't you rest?
You sip your lemon tea
out of a little ceramic bowl,
telling me it tastes better that way,
but you weren't always all sour mouth
and sharp tongue.
You used to be fragile like a storm,
and wild as a starlit night,
diving, with the bruises painting you a melody
you couldn't hear, but saw
nonetheless.

i want to slow dance the spring away.
i fall in love with you everyday,
and if we don't have forever
that doesn't really matter.
the moments we've had together
are enough to set fire
to my hesitation
and ignite new intentions
this is worth all of the heartache
that i may later have to face.
and all of these days
have blown my mind
because i never thought there'd be a time
when i'd love again.
you're more than a boyfriend,
you're a best friend.
and in this splendor
your love is tender
i couldn't do better
than you if i tried.
when i'm with you i'm alive.
i'm glowing,
i'm holding
onto you
because i've never loved like this
i wish,
i could say i did
at one point
but i've never ever loved this way.
which is to say,
you make me feel like the world around me
could crash and burn
but i wouldn't care,
because you put out the flames in my head,
i could say it's not fair,
how i want to compare
you to every season
love you beyond reason
kiss you until i'm breathing
the air you're needing.
but thank you
for loving me,
when no one bothered
to give me a chance
and as we dance away the spring,
your smile's still my favorite thing.
baby, who needs redbull,
when you've already given me wings?

your love is flower petal soft,
and i hold it here between my
index finger and thumb.
there is something in our touch
that electrifies.

i would split my bones
to give you strength,
and when you reach out
to hold my hand,
i know you would do
the same.

i want to touch my lips
to yours,
because they seem so alone,
and i want to rain over you
like a sky so blue,
but i don't want to reach
too far.

i'm bathing in your light,
and i've somehow emitted
my own.
when you give to me
a glow i've never held,
my hands don't know
what to do.

and yet i still learn
how it feels to
feel/know/want/touch
again.

i need you in order to water the baby’s breath
that grows inside of me,
trapped in my ribcage and collarbones.
i’m spilling over with harsh subliminal messages,
subconscious limits that make my skies
clouded.
but you are every colour,
a prism met with light reflecting the rainbow,
and somehow not only am i yours
but you are mine as well.
insistent, telling myself
that you are worth it-
all of the bitter heartache that will come.
nothing lasts forever.
miniature lifetimes,
taking over the whole.
you’re my little secret
but the world should
know you're mine.

naive. used to think that the world meant well and that everyone deserves a second chance. i no longer think this but i would still give you a second- no. i don't know how i feel. i'm falling in love with he who is not you and there's only one thing holding me back. it's the thought of you as i am caught on reverse constantly falling when i'm trying to soar out of this place. i wanted to be ejected into outer space, and i was holding on to my tongue in cheek. oh the irony.
      seconds last lifetimes.
      i'm trying so very hard.
      at last, you will mourn.
2. certain. i'm with someone new, and now i'm so scared. afraid. wary. trust and love and lust are all dangerous i've learned. you grew daisies in my brain and then, you watched them wither. he grows roses where our flowers had died. but now i know nothing. i am unsure of anything but the fact that i am leaveable.
      how easy you changed.
      poisoned. a broken promise.
      twisting in the dark.
3. bold. i remember when i told you that i loved you. or something like that anyway. i threw up the butterflies in my stomach when you called me beautiful, and i couldn't believe you were (almost) mine. i talked to you like you were my everything because you were, now there's someone else and he's almost got me to want to be brave again. i wish i was brave again. for me. for him. but not for you.
      i'll light the candles.
      the glow is surreal and bright.
      blessed be this lady.

your split-lipped compliments are
boulder-heavy with caramel
undertones,
while i’ve got my basic stardusted
collarbones
and dancing fingertips;
ink stained and lust-conforming.

you’re stitching your ideas
onto my cerebellum,
and as i cry ‘foul!’
you fly away like
you’re free.
spit speckled with blood
and my dna,
you laugh and cry and kiss
like you’re mine.

dreams are growing
like wild flowers, and babe they
make me itch for some sort
of way
to alleviate the pain.
but people claim,
that these moments
we spend are never going
to be more
than little discomfort
and i dare say
that they’re wrong.

my body is not weather proof.
it will wash away
in the rain,
so hold me under your umbrella
and keep me
by your side,
because that way
if all else fails
we’ll wash away
together.

our once upon a time was
lost on hopeful memories,
dancing in the midst of
the things you wanted to forget.

i want to see you undo it.

my dream-stained heart is in
love with you
my heart races with your
head on my shoulders,
replacing the weight
of the world.

i want to see you undo it.

high voltage in your artsy
fingertips
like a sweet lullaby.
are you okay?

i want to see you but you're not mine.

i'm rolling
trying to change
where i'm going
and all of my habits
you said i'd change
but i still haven't
look at how bad i'm damaged

sixteen
you're only a little
younger than me
but it doesn't matter
you don't love me because
i flatter
you, yeah you know
that i won't get better

but somehow in this path and
along the rocks that haven't lasted
it doesn't matter how the past fits
in this
lifted
up to be buried beneath
the secrets
i didn't feel his love like i needed
but you make me feel bright
like i'm glued into the sky

i'm sorry
that couldn't get rid
of my folly
and all of my anxious feelings
you always know
what i need and
somehow i'm so incomplete
my thoughts are constantly speeding

impulsive
the water looked cold
but i dove in
and all i saw was starlight
as we walk together
side by side
you are still mine right?

but somehow in this path and
along the rocks that haven't lasted
it doesn't matter how the past fits
in this
lifted
up to be buried beneath
the secrets
i didn't feel his love like i needed
but you make me feel bright
like i'm glued into the sky

careful babe, i'm wasting away
i'm knee-deep in dreams i let fade away
before the days were gone.
would you believe me if i said
that i didn't mean to?
falling in love felt like falling into place
and with you i feel at home.
i've never felt safe i've always felt anxious
drowning in yesterday and all of the what ifs.
what if i faded into you
on a sweet night in october?
you'd be too young and i'd be old enough
for no one to care
if i felt the weight of the world
on my shoulders.
spit me out and call me baby,
drain my faith and let me go,
even though
you said you'd never
be like everyone else
and lie to me.

This.

You.
Me.
Us.

It feels like I knew you and everything you are
Before I even met you.

I feel so comfortable when I'm with you.
Like every moment I spend with you
Is more than just a moment.
It's all I ever wanted
And flawless and mine

You are really so much to me and
I don’t think that anyone could get how
You make me feel as if I am
Better than I am.

But nothing lasts forever and
I know this better than anyone.
With my tattered heart's edges
And my abandonment issues.
I know that despite your promises
You will leave.
And I can't stand the thought of being without you.

Not being able to hold your hand,
To hear you tell me you love me,
To get those texts from you
That make me lose my mind.
And make me feel sane all at once,
It's my nightmare.

I know that despite what you feel
Right now, one day you'll see
The beasts in me,
And you will leave.

Babe,
I love you.
I love you so much,
More than anything in the world.
But nothing lasts forever
And you will leave
Eventually.

But for now,
I'll just put you inside of my chest
And hold you in my arms,
Because at least one of those places,
You can't leave.

you undo me.
no edge left untouched
no string left unpulled-
you undo me.

but underneath these tattered edges
and this unloved spine,
and inside of my burning ember eyes
and blood/love drenched heart,
is something that loves
something that's loved.
you undo me.

i don't want to rush this
because even without the
butterflies in my stomach flying
into your lips
you undo me.
god, you undo me.

i've got a weak heart with a strong heartbeat
and it's struggling to remember the thrills of affection
with out the pain of shaking, and tears and wanting
to say sorry when i did nothing wrong. i put
too much pressure on myself
and no one understands how much i love you.

it's like i'm choking on memories of boys
who aren't you and girls who don't actually want
me.

it's like the world is always telling me i can't
it's like everyone especially myself knows
i can't do this ****.

i going to bed, love.

please be there when my eyes flicker open.

and maybe our time in the light will come.

yesterday i flew away
on the wings of a crying dove
is it enough when times get rough
to look up at the sun
and to stop running from
the breath that’s caught inside of my lungs

one morning, i started turning
blue inside of my chest
these days haven’t been the best
but i’m still here so i guess
i can count myself as blessed
and then go to finally get some rest

and i said ooh baby why don’t you stay,
i’m left a rock stuck in a hard place
but coal can become diamonds anyway
under the highest of pressure
highest of pressure
you make me feel better
can we get away, babe?

when i fell away, i spent that day
looking at all of my flaws
you see them but you’re not gone
i’m in your chest where i belong
it hasn’t been that long,
but i’m never gonna move along

and i said ooh baby why don’t you stay,
i’m left a rock stuck in a hard place
but coal can become diamonds anyway
under the highest of pressure
highest of pressure
you make me feel better
can we get away, babe?

split myself in two
how i see myself and who i am to you
they’re fighting each other
i still don’t understand why you bother
but somehow you do

i make myself afraid
by looking too hard at yesterday
we’re just lovers holding hands
you don’t try too hard understand
but somehow you ease the pain

and you say ooh baby why don’t we stay,
we are just rocks stuck in a hard place
but coal can become diamonds anyway
under the highest of pressure
the highest of pressure
i make you feel better
can we get away babe?
can we get away?

you are leathered with residue
decaying the rust off your skin
with our initials crawling into
alabaster sheets that all I have really
felt while staring out at the streets
we're people fading by egotistical
lack of self confidence
even though I admit using
seducing strategies
possibly disgusted by my own
emotions
that I am placing ******
thrills on my own configuration
because it's humid and blatant
unkowling breathing ruthless sentiments
of our holy communion

I am splitting into a holy sin
drenched in blissful wartime rations
of water or passion
your cotton skin and these sheets
bold statements between white teeth
it’s all a fading mystery
you said I’m something childlike
your hands are stained cherry
and even if they were around my neck
I’d whisper your name like a vesper
simply waiting
for the day to come where it all fades
because you refuse to be a
young god
no matter how it seems to be
to me in all of my naivety

ripped out my lungs because it was already impossible to breathe;
there was a light in the dark, there is something that i need.
i will keep going, stand on this glass beach, and
i'll sing baby, baby, baby, i just want some sleep.
yeah, i just want some sleep.

when she's talking to you your mouth hangs open
but not as open as her heart that she sewed to her sleeve
when she was thirteen. everyone says she reads like an open book,
but you think she reads more like a tombstone.
she has an expiration date and everyone knows it,
but you want to be there until her light dies out.
no doubt about it, you've lost your mind, but she
was something you couldn't slide under the rug
she kept coming back.
oh god did she come back, looking like a goddess,
and you were taken aback, trying to stay honest
but honesty is only the best policy until it reveals her frailty
over frivolity, she's precious, impressive, and beautifully combative-
but never ever yours.

slept with the devil when he promised me the love i lacked.
somehow i was surprised when everything went black
his face and eyes gave me a heart attack, and
he was my baby, baby, baby, i was just a fallback.
lust never more than a fallback.

i don't know how
"i don't feel like crap when i'm with you."
morphed into
"i love you"

but i'm glad it did, and i'm glad
that you said
it back.

you said it back.

"you know we (your friends) would never leave you right?"

"i mean, that's what they all SAY until ****."

"well, i won't leave"

"promise?"

"promise."

my organs in a snapshot
//
i might rip my lungs out because you’ve become my every
breath, and i can hardly deal with ache in my chest. is it love?
everyone can tell that i am different. everyone can tell that i’m
glowing and maybe it’s because of you, maybe it’s because the
two of us make something like starlight. you are the very
creation of every single constellation, you are my inspiration,
my oxygen, the very consolidation of truth.

you rip my heart out and bring it back moments later. it’s laced
with fairie lights and twinkles, and somehow it’s still whole.
you are the only person that has not torn it apart.

god, babe. no one i’ve met has made me want to sing the way
you make me want to sing. i’m resting my head against your
chest as we dance to our favourite mixtape. slow and sweet,
like maple syrup. it’s been almost three weeks and i know
exactly what this means. the butterflies in my stomach turn into
fireflies and they love you.

and now you’re thinking,
baby, you’re golden,
baby, i’m holding
on to you.
baby you’re golden,
baby i’m holding
on.
baby, you’re golden
baby, you are,
you are,
you are...

unstill life with a peach pit.
//

i paint you in every colour before you leave my field of vision.
i spit out words i don’t understand like i love you, i need you.
you dance with me in my bedroom, spin me around until i’m blue
in the face, you say you love my glow in the dark, i say but you
shine brighter.

maybe we could sip on the cyanide in our peach pit smoothies
while i carefully contemplate? i don’t quite understand this but i dream
anyway because there’s nothing better than our flashlights.

i’ll make you a thousand mixtapes and we can dance to modern
day synth pop and we’ll feel like we’re in the eighties. i’m a nineties
baby i just made it there. syncopated words, and clever cacophony
spill out of my mouth, you’ve got my lip gloss on the corner of yours.
stay careful, i don’t know what any of this will mean in two weeks.

but, we’ll go out singing,

*baby, we’re golden,
baby, i’m holding
on to you.
baby we’re golden,
baby i’m holding
on.
baby, we’re golden
baby, we are,
we are,
we are...

one day
i'll know the softness
of your skin
and the strength of your bones.

you know i love you so,
even if i could never
have the courage
to say it.

blinding light's shining
coming from your direction
lighting up my world.

when i first met you,
you had a glow like no one
i had ever seen.

the first thing i saw,
cheeks warmed by hesitation
how would i reach you?

you: a stellar shine.
my heartbeat: a fading drum.
open doors- new love.

i'd cut off my tongue
to taste moon-like shine from yours,
to float / levitate.

everyone's so dull.
you are the best of outer space
shining towards me.

i rotate around you
your vividly bright starlight
your glow in the dark.

when i first met you
i knew that the light you'd shone
would be my first sight.

your light's has begun
my new luminous, pure life.
i see it from here.

my hands are always cold
but not when they're interlaced
with yours.

something about us is right.
i'm drowning in your light.

i never thought drowning
would be this nice.

i used to think that confidence
was never really common sense
thought it was like lost innocence
it was something you earned
but you make me feel so worth it
w/o showering me in compliments
you’ve awaken all of my senses
i’m feeling alive

don’t tell me that fate is a lie
i’ll believe in it until i die
doesn’t matter long as i try
to be better than i am
to be bigger than my issues
i’m crying away all the tissues
you’ve never said “i’ll fix you”
you’ve just said “i’m here”

sometimes the way you look at me
i swear it’s just make-believe
but i live for this lucid dream
that keeps me wide awake
you’re what i write about when i can’t sleep
i know that talk is freaking cheap
but your words
have more worth
than any dollar bill.
i’m letting my thoughts spill.
your space, i’d gladly fill.

don’t tell me that fate is a lie
i’ll believe in it until i die
doesn’t matter long as i try
to be better than i am
to be bigger than my issues
i’m crying away all the tissues
you’ve never said “i’ll fix you”
you’ve just said “i’m here”

my head on your shoulder
my heart is warm my hands are colder
i’ll just go ahead and hold your
hand to spend away the time
lights out, my eyes won’t shut
no more sadness, yeah, i’ve had enough
this insomniac’s not waking up
this dream is here to stay

don’t tell me that fate is a lie
i’ll believe in it until i die
doesn’t matter long as i try
to be better than i am
to be bigger than my issues
i’m crying away all the tissues
you’ve never said “i’ll fix you”
you’ve just said “i’m here”

i'm pretty **** sure that i'm in love with you
and that's scary as hell,
i'm scared i'm going to lose you,
even though you say things to me,
you make it seem like you won't leave me,
but they always freaking leave me.
okay so we've only been together officially for a week
i've liked you for longer
and you've liked me longer
and this is so ******* scary
because last time i felt like this-
no last time i thought i felt like this it was
a disaster. but then, everything with you
is so refreshing and wonderful and perfect.
different. maybe my friend is right and it's just
because i've had bad taste in guys and you're
just legitimately good.
but there is nothing that's "just" anything about you.
everything about you is so so so so so (!!!)
so i'll keep this love in my chest for now, i guess.
*(but one day i'll say it and it'll be wonderful.
one day i'll say it
one day i'll say - )

sometimes when i get bored,
i revert to my childlike nature
and press my fists to my eyes
until i begin to see mini galaxies.

but sometimes, i look at you,
and i see the biggest galaxies
that stretch beyond everywhere
i've been, and everywhere i will be;
suddenly, you are everything to me.

i need someone to pinch me
so i can be sure this is real,
so i don't have to be afraid of
waking up (the way i'm afraid of living/
breathing/existing/losing/grief).

i could talk to you for
hours on end and not get bored,
not revert backwards.
because i don't need to close my eyes
and press my fists to them
in order to see those stars and
planets and everything else anymore.

not when i have you.

i think this city's
lost stars
follow your light
to find their way
back home.

flowers bloom from your
eyelashes
like they belong there.
but then i look at you,
and i think they do.

you make me laugh,
you make me glow,
you make life
seem worthwhile.

your smile is intergalactic,
and you are a radiation
destined for a rotation
that's bigger than
you could imagine.