I’m 99% weird, I’m sure of it
That 1% tells me to act normal
But I don’t think I hear it often
Sometimes when I sleep
It does request so
But it’s just 1%
It’s not like 99% is normal anyway

Hello mother, hello father
I’m doing fine
No I ain’t I cried again today

Hello teacher, little preacher
Why are you screaming
Cos your shouts make me want to
Shout out loud myself

Hello sister, little mistress
It’s ok I’m fine
Just had another bad day
Which I can’t get out my mind

Hello brother, from another
I had a horrible day
Just leave me to be locked away
Far from my reality

I am in a community
Where writing is a passion
Where we voice opinions
Through song and poetry

They may seem like scribbles
Scraps of paper
Utter nonsense
Madness
But we see as beauty
Fun and play with words

Others give support and advice
Share experiences that make us
Laugh and cry and smile
Some share stories about the past
Talk about the present
Wonder about the future

Maybe we may meet
Maybe we will always be hidden
By profile pictures we do not own
Maybe we met
But brushed each other off
Maybe we passed by
Maybe we once were known
But were forgotten
We will probably never know

age 3
fighting around me
hurting words i could never understand
confused teacher
confused students
while i just wore a smile
the words
the pain
the shatter of a globe
a yell
a scream
something i didn't mean

they lied to me
when they said
they'd be kind as princesses
and quiet as mice
but if it were true
why are my ears covered?
why am i crying?
why am i shaking like mad?
why am i running away,
escaping from everything?

why?
why do they do this?
my hands are still shaking
as i write on this tear stained page

my head is resting
(but not in peace)
on top of my aching arms
my eyes are shut tight
not opening or seeing

am i awake?
am i asleep?
am i alive or dead?

no one knows
not even i
who would care about me anyway

Men in black guarded the gates
Leading to where they call hell
A large building with corridors
Rooms that waste hours of time
The men shut the black gates
From behind my shaking back
I start my day's sentence

I'm in the winding corridors
Hearing a young girl cry far away
Another few words of hate
Tossed at her pretty face as usual
Yet the headmaster doesn't care

A boy is walking nearby me
He has a black eye and a nose
Streaming a waterfall of blood
His body littered with bruises
Another one suffering from abuse
From fellow prison immates
And his own kindly parents
Yet the teachers don't care
What kind of educators are they?

We learn things we already knew
Is brainwashed into forgetting
Our fractions and subtracting
Turning into loneliness and dread
And adding our depression levels
Dividing our energy down
And multiplying our confusion

Panic attacks our brains and
We don't know what's coming
A test by writing a story
An essay or even a ramble
Or knowing scientific facts
That we probably won't need
Apart from if you like science

I stare out the window
Dreaming of a classroom
Filled with freedom and love
Songs and poetry and dancing
Playing with words
Not planning a story before
We touch the ****** pen

But now we are birds in cages
Ready to sing our song
As the old writer in his chair says

“ how can a bird born for joy
Sit in a cage and sing? ”

But what is the answer?
No one knows

An unbirthday!
364 of them!
Make them happy days!
Even if it’s not the best day
And your birthday seems so far
And it seems that it’s the best
To be honest I see why
But everyday can be good
Ok I’ll say upon experience
That some will make you scream
And you want to wake up
Thinking it’s all just a dream
Some will make you shout
And no one knows what it’s about
That some will make you cry
Feel like you want to die
Like a flower withering away
BUT COME ON WAKE UP
let the flower rise and grow!
Be a garden! Be you!
Be strong! Be happy
Love others but please oh please don’t forget yourself
Care for others and yourself
Keep on going no matter what!
Oh and one final thing
Happy birthday
Or unbirthday of course

love from Middy xoxo

the world has turned dark
darker than my broken heart
there's a hole in my heart
growing deep
deeper the ocean blue
i don't know
where to go
i wonder
where to run
where do i go from here?
can i run
can i hide
as blood falls from my wrist
onto the pure white floor

My eyes are closed tight
I’m fast asleep
In my cocoon
Hidden away
I’m asleep and no one can hear me
I’m asleep and no one can see me
I’m in my cocoon
No one can find me

No one will gobble me up
Chew me up and spit me out
No one will yell
And hurt my aching ears
From morning to night
Until I awake
I’m in my cocoon
Hidden away

There's a boy being beaten
By with nails and weapons
For no reason
He was only a little different
He was innocent
Yet what do people do about it?
Do they run to help and see what's wrong?

THEY HIDE!
THEY HIDE BEHIND TVS
THEY HIDE BEHIND RADIOS
THEY HIDE BEHIND CAMERAS
VIDEO TAPES AND PHONES
THEU JUST HIDE
AND DONT DO A THING

What about that girl in the video?
Telling stories on paper
With a marker as her voice
Her eyes of sadness
Hidden behind the frame
As she cries
And begs for help

She's dead now
Becuase no one told her
Things would be ok
No one stopped the torment
The embarrassment
The shame

Are you embarrassed now?
Good thing it reminds me of death
Because six million died

BUT NO ONE DID A THING
THEY COULD BE LIVING
THEY COULD BE HAPPY
BUT WE ALL HID
BEHIND RADIOS
AND NEWSPAPERS
AND NOBODY DARED
TO TAKE A STAND
AGAINST THE BULLY
THE MONSTER
THE MURDERER WHO DID THIS

My body is cracked
It’s the way it was made
God probably thought
I was really so bad
When he saw me at first sight
He sighed softly
So my heart is broken
And no one can see

The knife of abuse hits my body
And it shatters again
Put my limbs back together
Yet they’re still cracked
A gun of a thousand words
Shoots me in the chest
A little voice says
That I’m better off dead

Maybe I am
Maybe I am not
But as far as I can see
I shouldn’t exist

oh curse the liars
the ones around me
who claim they love me
curse you all **** it
i just want to fit in
and be myself at the same time
ah, that would be gift

curse it all
**** it all
all the ones who have cures
as if i'm a monster
a disapointment
a illness

oh so i am some deformity?
some kind of freak?
some kind of animal that screams
is that what i am now?

but i won't complain
i'll stay hidden like always
like a rush on energy
an outspoken voice
waiting to be set free

So I’m daft?
Just because I blast music to escape
The complaining household I’m in
And this planet that appears to be
Ever so loud and uncaring
Yet they apologise
As if it'll solve world hunger

I’m daft becuase my cat like ears
Hear all the groans and sighs
Hearing all the kids in class scream
And you two talking about me
Under your wasted breath

I’m daft because I prefer to be
Alone in my room where I’m safe
And away from you both

So I’m daft
Just cos I barely eat meat
And prefer to read rock magazines
Than old books and girly magazines

I'm daft because I prefer to sleep in a bunk bed
With no one sleeping on the top bunk
Because I'm daft! I'm daft, that's why!

At night I chase dreams
As I'm curled up in bed
My arms are illustrated
With the stories of my life

My friends are always there
My family is very blurry
But the people who I love
Are crystal clear
And I know they care

I'm running across the desert
With a sandstorm chasing me
While I run after my dream
It's almost out of reach
I'm running on grasslands
Over mountains and hills
Lush fields of flowers and green
Through the rainy stormy weather
Past the sunshine and summer
Thought the snow and the winter

I won't stop chasing my dreams
They won't stop running away
But I will catch them some day
Even if no one believes I can

I'm all alone
In this bright blue sea
That's turning grey in the dark
But I could cope
I used to

But now I can't
I'm alone on the wooden dock
Where boats lie on the sides
With shells and seaweed
Scattered around them

The sand used to feel so warm
Now it's colder than the ice cream
You'd give me and you'd laugh
Your deep gentle laugh
That I missed so dear

" hello poppet! "
You would say as I would hug him
Kiss his wrinkled and rough cheek
I'd hang upside down on my bed
As I wished him goodnight
You would smile and chuckle
On those lonely nights

You'd fly wooden airplanes
In the green parks
You'd throw them so far away
Now I fly alone
No one to turn to
No one to love

Your hair was silver as ice
Your smile wider
Than a child at play
You were a giant
You were so tall and strong
Yet you were so gentle
So kind and loving

You stuck a plaster and kiss
Upon my bleeding knee
And wiped my tears away
And gave me another cornetto
But now I'm still bleeding
And I have tears streaming down
My broken and crumpled face
How could you leave?
Why did you leave?
I love you...

" it's ok to say things to people!
Say anything you want! "
Said the teacher in class
Helping these students
Making sure they pass
But won't help
With the bullying
The hate
Anything at all

Until
Until a quiet voice speaks
From the back corner of the room
hidden away behind laughter
Talking and gossip

" sir: I think you are wrong "

Silence comes
It leaves with trembling fear
As the teacher speaks again

" how so? We have free will!
We should use it right? "

" wrong. "
The girl stands
She looks at everyone
Eyes filled with sadness
Anger and frustration

" I think we have all heard
Of the game known as hangman
We think of the right letters to say
That way the man lives
If we say the wrong things,
The man is hung. "

Nods and whispers come out
Stares and tiltings of heads
Are seen in the room

" and your point being? "
The teacher snaps
Faster than a broken twig
Or a mouse In a trap

" we have to say nice things
That way people are happy
People live peacefully with smiles
No fear or tear to be seen
But if we say bad things
To human beings
They are sad.
They die. With a noose, a gun
Sometimes a knife or blade
Sometimes on a train track
A road of black or in a river of tears.
This happens everyday,
Every 40 seconds
to millions of people. "

Silence appears with a smile
a smile of joy and relief
then leaves as shouts of agreemnet
call out in the classroom
the girl silently walks to the door
staring at dumbfounded teacher

" if you think we should have free speech
so we can say horrible things
think of hangman "

They preach about pride
“Pride is a sin!”
People nod obediently
“Two men kissing is a sin!”
A few more obedient nods

WHAT ARE WE?
Slaves? Do we obey all the things
That a silly old book says
To get to a place most probably
Will never see
Since they’ve committed just one
ONE SIN?

Two men kissing
Sounds harmless as a butterfly
Two girls kissing
Sweet as sugar

It’s fine to be yourself
Boy, girl, both or none
It’s accepted in the animal kingdom
Why not the human one?
Are you scared of a book?
A book that controls how you act
How you talk, speak, pray?

Have pride everyone!
Have pride in yourself!
Who you are!
Who you want to be!
BECAUSE SOMEONE
SOMEONE IN THIS BEAUTIFUL
GREEN/BLUE PLANET
WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

im hidden behind your phone screens
my only image of me
is a shade of a depressing grey
my hair hidden by a hood
my eyes were hidden too
behind my dark sunglasses

do you know me?
do i know you?
no one truly knows
i am not dangerous
like a tiger in the woods
or an aligator in the swamps
i am merely a nobody
a loser
a girl

but no one knows my name
probably for the best.

in my eyes
in a world of hate
a world of anger and war
a world where racism is just fine

a song is playing far away

in a world of ****** roses
petals falling on the green grounds
turning brown, dull and grey

a song is playing
it's getting closer

in my eyes
the world will one day
be green and will grow
there will be smiling

maybe some day
maybe

and the song will be loud and clear

It’s been a while
Since I saw your smile
Light up a man’s wrinkled face
It’s been so long
Since you wrote a son
Why not write one now
You haven’t really danced
So why not take a chance?

I'm sitting in my usual corner
Of the coffee shop in town
The morning's come
The day has begun
So where's the singing birds?

It's a very quiet morning
Only three cars passed by
A black Nissan Pick Up truck
A siver Honda car
And a truck heading to the south
To give us our supplies
That the farmers and poor make
Just for us
But get no credit or coin

I'm looking around and I see
Five people in the room
Six if you count the homeless man
Staring through the window
A black Labrador next to him
He's staring at me

The man in the corner
Has several wrinkles
Maybe 50? 60? 70?
He's got very milky coffee
Next to the newspaper he has
He's looking at the crossword
And raging with silent curses
That he thinks no one can hear
But if you look in his eyes
You see the frustration in them

A female teenager
She's staring at me
What is she jealous of now?
I really don't know what.
She's just glancing
Staring and glancing
As she sips her vanilla mocha
With her long hot pink nails
And sighs with her ruby red lips
You see jealousy in her green eyes
So sharp and cat like
You can almost smell it

There's a woman in her thirties
She is still smoking and puffing
And putting her ashes in the tray
' another interaction with cancer '
I think as she stares into space
If you look into her chocolate eyes
The same colour as her tea
She's thinking very deeply
As I am right now

There's a man at the coffee bar
Whistling away
He's cleaning up the desk
Waiting for the next customer
Waiting for the new order
Then he will make their drink
Make a working man smile
And a tired mother laugh
But it's not helping the man
The homeless one outside
Yet when you look into his eyes
His bright hazel will show
Happiness and joy

There's a guy in the corner
Listening to some music
With his black coffee on
I sit with him
Even though he's misjudged
And he flashes me a smile
As his black and purple hair
Is tossed around by his hand

" you've been writing a lot, love "
He smiles as he stops his songs

" I know. " I reply.

I see him everyday
He's going through something
Sad and tough
And when you look at his eyes
A deep greyish blue
He's had enough of it

" are you sad? " I whisper
Looking at him
He turns away with tears
They're welling up in his eyes

" it's ok, " I smile
And pat his shaking shoulder
" you're never alone.
I'm your friend "

He looks at me in the eyes
My observant and gentle eyes
They show comfort when I see him
Smiling at long last

I soon have to go.
Places to be
Places to go

" see you tomorrow "
He smiles at me

" see you soon! "
I smile back at him

I make sure to get a take away
A plain coffee with a packet
Of sweet smelling sugar
I give it to the homeless man
You should've seen the
Joy and happiness in his eyes!

I'm hidden in my snowstorm
Cut off from reality
It's a lover place
Don't get me wrong
But it's just not for me

I'm sipping hot chocolate
In a fire so dear and warm
My gloved hands  
Are toasty and warm
As these marshmallows
Floating in my hot chocolate lake

I close my eyes
In the warmth
The cold
Oh so so cold
But my foes, my enemies
My freinds, my allies
You're both so dear and warm

did you hear the news?
a boy is missing
several boys are missing
but no one cares
all caught up in their own situations

the million
maybe few million
maybe one million
that are noticing
move on within a month or two

does anyone notice the mother crying
does anyone notice their father is depressed
that child could've changed the world
he could have saved humanity
but the child is missing
stolen or dead
running or lying still
awake or asleep

there's a missing seat at school
well that's easily replaced
but at home
the empty seat isn't as easy to hide

Clinking cutlery and stomping feet
Shuffling of the seats
Laughs and cries of " I won, I won! "
Adults outside playing ping pong
There's music and dancing
Little girls prancing
Baby boys playing with their toys

Nothing unusual to them
The usual birthday party fun
But not for the girl in the corner
Crying on the floor
Her hands covering her ears
In a usual birthday party

I'm thinking of numbers
As I type with my fingers
Bruised and scarred
From writing so much
For nearly 7 hours of the day
I count my steps as I pace
My empty room
Tired and alone
My battery is draining slowly
From my division and subtracting
Which adds up to loneliness
Dread, anxiety and depression
It equals to suicide
Every 40 seconds of my life
As every 40 seconds
Someone is sent up high
To heaven or hell
Where they count good deeds
And sins like boys kissing boys
And girls loving girls
And teenagers are mothers
Without wanting to be
Where rounding up the number
Of terrorists and all evil
Leads to maybe trillions
Or billions but who knows?
There could be more
Corrupted and bad

I'm confused by the world in several ways
why?
that's a question many ask.
well here is my reply, response,
a question for YOU!
why are there bus time tables when they never run on time?
why do parents say "eat your food! Some children don't even eat!"
then throw away their last slice of pizza as they speak,
like another sunday supliment filled with only a fraction of war
yet there are a million more!
why do people procatrasinate?
DO IT NOW!!!
why do people beg others to achieve their dreams
while laughing at another comedy on Netflix?
Tragic, such a tragedy.
Such a hopeless waste of humanity

So I was having a-a-a
Thing where you...
Oh! A conversation! Yes!
So I was having a conversation.
With... Brown haired....
Ah yes my freind.
Well ex freind.
She saw me stuttering and buffering
Like an old computer
Tak1ng
1t2
T1m3
And
N01
Pr0ce221ng
1nf0mat10n
Clearly
So as the conversation went on
It was abandoned
As by the time I got my sentence right
The bell rang for class
And she vanished into a sea
Of people
Talking L O U D L Y
And I was lost in the crowd
But what do I expect
Since I get lost in my own conversations?

It's getting louder
With all the talking
The murmuring
The staring
Too much, too much

I'm in a class room
Surrounded by a crowd
Of screaming, shouting
And endless chatter

Oh dear god
When will it end?
Everyone
Everything
Seems to be becoming
Quicker, quicker AND QUICKER

Oh no
No no no no
It's getting louder
Im screaming
Others are staring
I'm almost not there
But my screams and cries are

No one saw me
When I groaned quietly
No one saw me
When I covered my ears
No one saw me
When I started to cry
Now they see
As I run away screaming

her eyes are green with envy
her heart barely beats
her mouth drips with poison
and her her voice is filled with venom
she chews up her victims
and spits them out
just so that they look like her
she leaves broken hearts
in her journey of hate
and her quest to spread lies
and spies out every rumor
creating ******, embrassment and shame
turning the kidest of people
into bullies and killers

You.
You’re guilty
Of breaking a glass heart
It was an angel
An angel you chose
And you broke them
You.
You have red hands
Red liquid
Dripping from your ruby lips
And from your nails
And your knife
And you shot them
You broke their glass heart
Now you’re guilty
You could’ve been happy
With them
You could’ve lived happily
With them
But no
No
You chose to break
Break them
Break their glass heart
With your red hands

REPENT ALL SINNERS
WASH YOURSELF
TIL YOU'RE WHITE AS SNOW
PRAY UNTIL TEARS COME STREAMING DOWN
LIKE A RIVER OF BITTERSWEET TEARS

DON'T LAUGH
BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE IN COURT
YOU'LL BE SOBBING AND SOBBING
BEGGING FOR MERCY
BEFORE THE KING OF KINGS
THE JUDGE OF JUDGES

HOPE YOU'RE CRYING
BECAUSE I CERTANLY AM
AT THE HEARTLESSNESS
THE HOPELESSNESS
THE DEPRESSION OF THE HUMAN RACE