I don't want to write rhymes,
I want to tear my pain apart
into perfect, delicate
rectangular pieces
and feed it to my friends,

Then I want to rip their flesh apart
and feed it to my pain,
I want to give them rain,
let their prayers for sunshine
be in vain,

I don't want to destroy a wall,
I want to burn all the cages inside me,
I don't want a key,
I want to knock a door down,
and I don't want to bandage you,
I want to cure me.

Either I can swim or
I'd rather sink,
Either a storm or
not even a drizzle;
teach me balance, please.

You are nicotine to my lungs,
so what do you expect?
I can't breathe next to you.

You're only toxin for me,
you were the chain
wrapped around me,

Now I've unlocked your secrets,
and your smiling face
is a fake journal on display,

Your game is not one
I like to play;
*You will lose.

Hey readers!

You may have been puzzled by the last two poems...
The thing is my friend was playing around with me after I told him I was creatively blocked and those two poems happened..
But do not worry!!
I shall be back soon with masterpieces.

Thankyou!!

I want to let my tears
wash me clean or
soak me until my clothes
show the ***** truth;
the insides of a vessel
affected by depression are
not always so pristine.

Do not judge this;
you do not know what it is
to haunt your own body,
to have your mind
wage war on you,
you do not know the sound
of your mind pulling 1000 triggers,
the sound of gunshots ricocheting
in your lungs;
you only know that my
breathing is shallow.

Do not call me weak just because
"I cannot stomach
the same meal twice"
when I have swallowed
the same poison
up until this moment in life
where I am learning to spit it out;
I love you, I love you, I love you
Separation, separation,  separation,
suicidal contemplation...

But of course,
tomorrow I'll be here again,
so there's nothing to worry about,
right?


- Crimsyy♡

We'll send our monsters
to their graves,
ten feet under our capes,
and they will never know again
the meaning of 'escape'

When they think they've
pulled the last straw,
when they think they've
nailed us to a wall,
and they start to believe
we won't get up at all,
Think again.

We're heroines,
sober on our scars,
drunk on the belief that
we could pull off anything,

Heroines,
more than just a pulse and spine,
we carry our nerve,
we carry on just fine,
drunk on the belief that
we could pull off anything...

*Even living.

The sequel to "Dainty"**

It was a lie when
I let my body feel static,
and I never uttered a word
you're too quick to judge me
as dramatic,

It's no use at all
to try to prove my ethereal case,
because my case to you
is another flower you never
bothered to water in a
pristine glass vase,

It was a lie when
I let my mind feel static,
but I never screamed;
you'd deem my reaction
s e m i -a u t o m a t i c,
like I'd bring this on myself;
Please dear,
before you assume
for Heaven's sake,
go to Hell.

The sequel to "Heavenly"

The rest of us
will decompose here,
but now you have purpose,
the muse behind my verses,
forget fairytale curses;
you* will never die,

So place me underground,
darling you will still be
safe and sound,
up above from here
I see who you are,
but they are all below,
below your worthiness,
dainty star,

On the eve of the day
when I'm mourned by the fakes,
they'll be praying for my amazing grace,
but it'll be too late,

There's no spot in a dead heart
for those who tore it apart,
and my monsters will cover your
sunshine and they'll **** your spark,
I'll wish I could be there,
Ten thousand tears wait to be spared,
I promise I cared,
I just never shared
all my hurtings, and now
they've killed me,

I will beg to have you released,
I'll beg on my knees for
all the darkness to leave you
and entertain *me,
But I'm afraid to fully dive,
Don't know how far I could drive,
Metaphorically, I'm at the shore
I don't know what I'm drowning for.

The sequel to "Sublime"**

I need to end this monster,
it's taken my mind apart,
a secret I've been holding
tight in my heart,

The pain you held
was the pain I felt,
you wanted to erase me,
but I'm not one to settle down,
so come as you are,
I will end you with
the light of a thousand stars,

I need to end you, monster,
or you'll ****** all your prisoners
after you blur the tunnel's light,
and like a vampire,
you'll flee from anything bright,
but our breath is
deadly and Heavenly;
you will not be
feasting on our blood tonight.

The sequel to "Graceful".... I don't think**
these sequels will ever end, Friend XD

"Define sublime"
Well, sublime is you,
your aesthetic heart
even in days sour and blue,

Sublime;
when your shoe is untied
and your eyes tell me
you've cried,
but you smile away,
and survive another day,

Sublime;
your midnight tears,
they eradicate our worst fears,
believe it or not,
they keep you here,

Sublime;
when the dark wants to love you,
but you push it away,
no explanation,
just a simple goodbye,
yet another toxic relationship
you leave behind.

Sublime;
Sublime is you,
Your aesthetic soul
even in days sour and blue.

The sequel to my other poem "Lovely"**

Nothing else resonates more
than being told about
your loveliness,
nothing else resonates more
than the assurance that you
are absolutely graceful,
and that the grass you walk on
thinks you are a sight to behold.

And every seed that
you'll touch
will grow and transform
from the dust,
and your lungs will
earn back your trust,
and you'll believe in grace again.

I don't want to leave
for a temporary feeling,
but I don't want to stare
at a permanently black ceiling,
I strive to see the stars
but the dark's outshined
them all tonight;
has the dark touched you tonight?

I don't even know you, but I'm scared for you and it's driving me crazy...I can't think of anything else.

I hope you'll breathe, I really do. And I hope you know I've been in the same boat as you, where my mind has almost pushed me to the limit and I almost payed the price...and you don't think the price will be much - to you, you'll just be gone and faraway from any pain....

But you matter, and perhaps nobody ever told you, but you matter. You matter on the days when you wake up feeling lost and broken. You matter on the days when you feel like you know exactly what you are doing. You matter on the days when your mirror should be replaced with an "you look absolutely stunning" sign.

You are as stunning as a newborn, bloomed flower, but you are not a flower...if your petals fall, you can still live. Through winter, summer, autumn and spring,  you can still bloom and grow taller than the polluted skyscraper city that is your mind. You are not a flower...don't let them rip you off from the ground and destroy you.

Confession:
All this ramble that I absolutely meant still hasn't distracted me from the fact that you could already be gone, and we are all just hanging on a lifeline.

Confession:
God gave us wings, so we could fly, and I hope yours find their flutter again; you looked so stunning underneath the blue ceiling we call 'the sky.'

Confession:
I will crumble completely if you die.

I know you are lying there,
probably unconscious
of where you are,
I know you wanted to
find a backdoor to finally end
your journey to the stars,

But I want you to know,
you will one day be able to
breathe on your own,
one day, you will recognize
your beautiful body as
your beautiful home,

An overfilled vessel,
filled to the brim with
the complications of existing,
I know you are in pain,
but sweet Hope,
I know you'll smile again.

You're "sorry" but...
what does that mean?
You're remorseful, you're regretting,
sure, if I'm lucky,
you'll cry a few tears...

But are you really sorry?
Or is sorry just a convenient lie
to keep me by your side?
How long can I love a person
that ***** with my mind?

This is love gone wrong,
I'm a puzzle you just
can't complete
no matter how well
your kiss flows
no matter how many pecks
on my forehead you give.

I have been thinking about you non-stop but I've only texted you
with 6 remaining hours of the day, and you can't even spare two minutes?
I thought I meant more to you , see this is where you utterly confuse me;  I bet you will not remember the date when you decided I was yours but I do and yet in 4 days when I'll ask to spend time with you, you'll be too busy for me.
Why can you not see that it is the little things that either raise me up as tall as Mount Everest, or shove me violently over the edge?
Punctuate your words, add a question mark to your "How are you";
Make me feel like I matter the way you matter to me;
Make me feel like I'm important to you.

"Do me a favour;
*do something else".
Do me a favour;
mind for yourself.

Do me a favour;
stop pretending you care,
Do me a favour;
do not "be there"

Do me a favour;
just let me fall,
Do me a favour;
don't even call,
Do me a favour;
don't speak at all

Eradicating you might be too kind,
Perhaps ****** might be too kind.

You feel like poison in my veins,
but maybe you're just good
at disguising damage,

I could make a mosaic
out of my own pieces,
but I'm choosing to share
my canvas with you,

So why do you insist
on painting me blue?

Blue is the new black,
we're all waiting for
heartache tracks,
the ones we play on repeat
because they help chase away
the ghosts that haunt our sleep,

But love shouldn't ache,
love works in two,
two souls merging into one,

Create a vessel,
now store this vessel
in your heart:

*We hold all our our love there.

A cigarette that promises
to satisfy but turns to ash,

A nicotine addiction that
promises to be harmless
but inflicts damage,

Lungs that promise to help you breathe
but leave you gasping for air,

An "I'll always be here" that
"is never there"

A gardener that never waters his rose,
and so the rose dies without proper care.

I want to explode
like the light of a thousand suns,
and I want you to be brave enough
to risk going blind and look at me.

See the love I've kept for you,
Broken boy meets broken girl
and you'd think you'd know
how that would go,

But broken boy lies to broken girl
and a life ends in this world.

**"Love" can ****.

Tonight,
I may need you to
reaffirm that I am lovely,
no it's not conceit,  see

Some souls remain so unsure
as what torments leaves
the lovely obscure

I'd gift you with my breath,
I'd live for you
and that's hard to do,
I'd gift you with my mindsight
but will you ever ignite my eyes
and let me be showered
in picturesque light?

Her head spinning,
her head numb,
and yet she refused
to leave

And maybe that
was all it took,
a selfless gesture
to make me feel
loved and understood

She said
"I really don't want to
leave you alone tonight,
will you really be alright?"

I'll certainly try.

This was not love,
just a false alarm,
though my definition of home
was in your arms,
Our mosaic never
stood a chance,
the way you'd refuse
when asked to dance,
you could tell love scared you.

Will you let me make
a mosaic out of
our broken parts,
or will your stubbornness
force me to pull away,
send all our pieces astray,
and mourn you even though
you will have not passed away?

Dear Readers,

Tomorrow  (10th of September 2016) is a day called Suicide Awareness Day.  And I believe it is nothing to be ashamed about. Every 40 seconds, someone is dying because another person did not speak up. This needs to stop.

There are truly beautiful souls out there that are suffering and battling with their thoughts and minds EVERY SINGLE DAY.  And I'm not putting it light. I mean EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.The stigma that revolves around suicide , depression and mental health in general needs to permanently dissolve.

It is PERFECTLY OKAY(to talk about your mental illness and/or your struggles...it is not at all healthy to keep heavy struggles within yourself. There are people out there that truly care and that truly want to help...and I know that seems like a lie when you are in a very dark place and that is EXACTLYwhy people need to start speaking about depression and suicide almost as if you are talking about having a cup of coffee. "I'm having a cup of coffee" can be said easily and without any fear, and that is how people who are suffering from ANY MENTAL ILLNESSESshould be made to feel.

We deserve to feel SAFE, SUPPORTED,  LOVED , APPRECIATED , UNDERSTOOD. We do not deserve to feel *MISUNDERSTOOD, UNAPPRECIATED. * And we do not deserve to be looked at or treated as parasites. People with mental illnesses have emotions too, and perhaps too many. People with mental illnesses deserve extra understanding, care and love.

So please, do not be afraid to speak up. Speak to your loved ones; a simple
"Are you okay? I just want you to know I love you and appreciate you" could save someone's life.

- Crimsyy♡

#health #wellbeing #mind #suicideawareness #awareness

Ps: **Please repost this if you agree and to show support to those suffering from depression. I promise it won't ruin your profile. Thankyou so much.

I am honestly so insecure. But I couldn't give a **** about what anyone else thinks, what anyone else says. I wish you'd try harder for me. Today, I even brought some extra snacks, just for you, because I know you're always hungry at lunch and quite frankly, it broke my heart that I couldn't help you because I'd already eaten. But of course, you never got to eat, or even KNOW of the extra snacks I brought, just for you. I even sneaked an extra of my mum's favourite chocolate biscuits, the ones she says to not take unless we ask...and I didn't ask for the extra one. But you know why you never got to eat it? Because my best friend dared me to eat what I'd brought for you. She didn't think you deserved it. Maybe I should stop trying so hard. And maybe you should give me back the leash for my emotions because you **** them up.

"Oh dearie, we're in trouble, aren't we?"
She nods silently.
"Falling for someone so hard that you can't even hate them, not even when they let you down."
She trembles.
"And yet,  they love you enough to destroy you."
She pauses.
"Maybe it's not love at all. Maybe it's the attachment to someone who has the same insecurities as you. Maybe it's when you smell their cologne, when they hold you tight and your mind finally quietens down. Maybe it's the fear of being so dependent, of handing over your control to a reckless heart, and God the things you'd put yourself through just so they don't get hurt, even if you do. Maybe it's only love when the blood that spills out of you spells their name."
**A tear escapes.

I'll keep you in a bottle
my little light, my little light,
Maybe if i overdose on you,
I'll be alright, I'll be alright

Cause my head's not
a fine place to live in,
it's your arms
I'd rather be in,

I'm a wooden log
and my mind's a campfire,
Soon i will be gone,
soon the deed will be done,
So hold me tight,
I'm sorry if I keep you up tonight,
but I cannot fight

My monsters sit at a table,
planning my execution;
And I don't know how much
you could harm me,
but you're the one who
holds a leash on my emotions,

So hold me tight,
**I'm sorry if I keep you up tonight.

It is

my own mind

that hinders me

from feeling freedom

hit my wings and make me fly.

It is my own tired mind

it is me so beg my blood to flow

Will you sweep up my mess for me?

My broom broke long ago.