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Dawn Dec 2016
I just want to find my will to live.
Or maybe my will to leave.

I don't know anymore.
Dawn Jul 2017
i'm just so lonely or so angry
all the ******* time;
it's become so easy to keep track of days
when i feel fine.
I'm so sorry for swearing, it has become a habit of mine.
Dawn May 2017
I was always out of breath
for gazing at such beautiful things
and for chasing after them.

Running after them
felt like cardio,
a routine
to keep my heart capable
of loving
and enduring.

But I guess I was wrong.

Because
Love isn't something
that one needs to prepare for.

Love is something
that catches you off guard,
making you stumble
no matter how much
you've practiced to balance.

So maybe I've been running
after
the wrong things
and
the wrong people.

*Maybe I have yet
to fall
and plummet
in love.
I really loved watching How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM). There's this one ep where Victoria mentions that in Germany, there's a word for something that seems like what you're looking for, but not quite so. And the word is 'beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand', and I used it for my title. However since it's so lengthy, i substituted a few of the letters with ellipsis, basically to add to aesthetics.
Dawn Jul 2016
I could talk about you for days
And still you wouldn't know who I was referring to.
Darling, I wish you'd see yourself the way that I do.
Dawn Jan 2018
how lucky are we,
to be living in an earth
with a shadow so big
it could cover a blue moon
in a night sky so dark and wide,
that despite being hundreds of miles away from our families,
we still get to watch the same phenomenal sight that they too could see?
Dawn Jul 2017
you make me want to write.
how cruel it is to know,
that you aren't mine
to write about.
Why do I always fall for people I don't have a chance with?
Dawn May 2017
Do you know that feeling
of familiarity
that quickly turns into
perplexity?

Like when you stare
at an unsuspicious word
a minute too long
and then suddenly,
you start to *doubt why it's spelled that way.

I don't think
that I will ever
feel that way with you.
It feels so light to feel in love sometimes.
Dawn Sep 2017
the city seems to go to sleep
once the bustling cars pass by without a beep.
or just as early as wandering people go to bed
and I'm left all alone with the thoughts in my head.

but with you, it feels as if
the world never seems to fall asleep;
and I, never feel far away from home,
even in the city where I am alone.
On the way home on an uber, while glancing at the city lights, I had a glimpse of the idea of how calming it must be to start falling in love again.
Dawn Aug 2016
n.*
And just when I thought I'd have reached you,
My fingers touch nothing but vapors.
While driving on our way to my relatives awhile earlier, I just felt so mesmerized by how clouds seem so real and touchable despite the reality of it being nothing but clumped gases.
Dawn Apr 2017
i miss the feeling
of being stuck
   on someone
   on something
   on anyone
   on anything.

i miss the ability
of feeling
    love
    hate
    anything that isn't emptiness.

i wonder,
how can i feel so trapped
here in this empty space

i wonder,
how can i be trapped
in nothingness
04222017
i've been awake for 8 hours now and i haven't done any of my plans (which included studying and starting a paper). I haven't watched movies, nor napped. I haven't done anything at all besides scroll through social media and oh my god i pity myself. i just feel so unmotivated and distracted today.
Dawn Jul 2017
n.
to still find you in poems
and know that it's *okay

to remember you in words
that describe only what used to be and didn't stay.
Sometimes you miss things, know you're better off without it, and still want it back.
Dawn Sep 2019
i've only ever locked lips with boys,
and although you're younger than most,
you're the man i want to kiss.
Dawn Oct 2016
does breaking someone else
make you feel less broken?

does loving someone
make you feel  less  guilty
of ignoring someone else's feelings for you?

does feigning emotions for someone
who's pretending to feel the same way for you
cancel out to reality?
Dawn Aug 2016
You do it,
and it's wrong.
They do it,
and it's right.
You mess up,
and they tell you to own up to your mistakes.
They mess up,
and they tell you to move on,
to just get over it,
to let it just slide,
because we're all human anyway.

**I just didn't know
that being human
meant you had to be of age.
I just don't get why middle aged people think they are always right. You can't have opinions because you're "too young", "too inexperienced". That we aren't supposed to make mistakes, not supposed to reason with them about it and not supposed to have constructive conversations with them.
Dawn May 2017
what hurts more
than flunking,
is failing the standards
you've set for yourself.
I just don't think I'm achieving my goal grades. And I know that grades don't define anyone but it can't help me from caring too much.
Dawn Jun 2022
Someday, I wish I could be
to you
What you are to me
Now
You deserve as much
You deserve so much
I fear I'll never be
Good for you
Sometimes I feel like you give me more than you take from me. I feel inadequate. But I also feel thankful for you, more than anything
Dawn Nov 2018
i used to think about you
in the hazy moments
before a class lecture ends and a quiz begins
where i zone out
between writing my name
and answering the first question
how i zone out
half-asleep and half-bored,
but enthusiastic with the idea
of studying for exams with you.

i used to think about you
in the quiet moments
after a long *** day balancing school and work
where i walk
from the gate
to your front door step
how i walk
tired and exhausted,
but energized with the idea
of talking to you.
god, i miss having a reciprocated crush
Dawn Mar 2019
we once watched a movie together
where the protagonist obsessed over the social constructs of beauty.

she'd chant relentlessly
i'm happy when i'm beautiful
i'm happy
when i'm beautiful
i'm
happy
i'm
beautiful - -

or was it the other way around?

i'm beautiful when i'm happy

whatever it was, i just wanna say
i miss being beautiful with you.
Dawn Nov 2018
i keep things to myself,
                                   and still feel empty.
oh, how twisted language can be.
irony twisted bottle up
Dawn Dec 2016
Once, I fell for a traveler
whose eyes sought the beautiful.
But even those who were simply mundane
didn't even have to worry a thing,
for he always saw the best within.

Never have I ever been a destination.
More like ruins that give the illusion
that abandon could exhibit beauty.
But his map was never way too full
for more pushpins on places he'd rule
with polaroid films and blank canvasses,
that only his eyes and hands can caress.

But little did I know that he was
more on an adventure than just a petty tour.
That when time came for him to move on,
I'm sure I forgot, here wasn't his home.

At least, in the roster, I exist.
One of the places he chose to visit.
I have written this some time after I thought I've had moved on from someone.
Dawn Sep 2016
the way it could make anyone listen
        to the thunders,
        to the howling winds,
        to the weather forecasts,
to anything that could make the shock of the storm seem bearable.
       like preparing for something
       actually makes you ready for it.
the way the water droplets plummet
       so quickly,
       so carelessly,
       so unhesitant
so vulnerable to gravity.
       like falling apart or falling down can be a choice
       without anyone looking down at you.
Lately, I have been watching the rain. And I couldn't help overthinking.
Dawn Aug 2016
In this fast-paced world
where I was burning out,
you dimmed all the lights
just so I could see
I could still shine bright.
Dawn May 2019
you remind me of quiet weekends —
of breezy morning air touching skin,
of warm bright sunlight touching skin,
of silent calm waves touching skin,
of bed silk covers touching skin,
of skin touching skin.
i've been thinking about a concept and i started writing it, only to feeltheneed to separate it into different poems because of the different writing patterns i have thought of
Dawn Oct 2016
i want to write so badly.

to spill some ink
   as dark and deep as the negativity flowing in me
or to paint words
   as colorful and carefree as the laughs I've faked
on pages
   as blank and barren as my feelings.
What am I even supposed to feel? I  never thought that numbness could be troubling and calming at the same time.
Dawn Jul 2016
I did not want to write.

Maybe because I didn’t know
If it were right for me
To ache with such feelings:
To feel the abandonment of,
And feel the longing for
The arms that always seemed to be there to catch me,
But never there to hold me for long.
To hear the voice
That had always calmed my raging thoughts.
But never in those moments
Have I ever heard it with my own ears.

I did not want to write.

Maybe because I didn’t know
If I even deserved
To feel this sad, and so alone
When all I’ve never done
Was to make you feel the opposite
Of what I’m feeling right now.
To feel like I have lost
A love
That I never even gave a chance to begin with.

I did not want to write.**

But I guess,
There’s nothing else I could do
To hoard and keep-
Or maybe to squander and let go
Of the suffering
That may not even be love
But just a blind infatuation.
Dawn Jun 2017
you are
breathtaking paintings displayed in museums,
therapeutic songs played with earphones on,
eloquent poems meant to make people feel.


you are
everything i love to admire
and
everything i cannot call mine.
I've always liked admiring wonderful things and/or people from a distance.
Dawn Jul 2017
i've spent so many days
shooing my feelings away
and now they're back;




much worse than before.
I wish deleting feelings were as easy as simply  wanting them gone
Dawn Jun 2022
I would share your bed forever
That even in clothes
I'll always feel naked with you
there we were lying in bed, playing games on our phones and listening to music, separately. while it's less than everything we've ever done, somehow it feels more intimate than anything else
Dawn Jul 2022
Dalawang barkong
Magkasalubong
Lulubog?
Lalayag?
O di kaya'y lulutang
Mananatili kung nasaan
Walang ibang rason kundi
Nandito
quick poem inspired by a friend's writing prompt
Dawn Apr 2019
i am scared of being in high places
like looking out the windows of high rise buildings,
or walking to the edges of cliffs
they say it's never really the Fear of Heights,
but rather the Fear of Falling.

not for me though, no

what really scares me
is the thought of changing my mind about falling
all the while plummeting down to my death
A poem about indecisiveness, a first about all my insecurities.
Dawn Aug 2017
a roadtrip to somewhere,
just so we could watch a meteor shower.

we didn't even know exactly where to go,
only that we wanted to watch the shooting stars without the city's glow.

at first adrenaline filled our somber and tired selves;
we were all fueled with the idea of seeing something magical at twelve.

then came the rush of being lost in lonely, secluded roads.
suddenly we realized, this trip, to our parents we should've told.

whose is that car parked at the other side of the highway?
were they here even before we stopped to look at the meteors fall away?
should we flee or should we stay?
i don't want this to be our last day.

oh god please help us
we're running out of gas


and just as we are consumed with panic,
and fear of strangers in places, dark and exotic
we drive back to the city,
where the people are awake and much less creepy.

when the lamposts became brighter,
and the surroundings no longer sinister,
where the stars we so longed for became much hazier,
we simply laughed at our cowardice,
and at our overly-hightened suspiciousness.

as dull, yet terrifying the world can be,
even with rare astronomical phenomenas that are oh so sightly,
adventures are really, no less scary.
yet everything can still feel mesmerizing,
and even reassuring,
so long as you are able to find just the right company.
081217. A late night roadtrip with my friends turned into cinematic adventures. I'm glad we're all safe now.
Dawn Jul 2016
Something pretty,
but not exactly bright.
Something dim,
among all the lights.
Something catchy,
if only you learned
to stop looking for things
you would only squint at.
Something worthy,
of all the time
you've neglected to set aside
just because you thought that rushing
wouldn't leave you behind.
Dawn Aug 2016
a lot of folks are torn
if they should cross oceans
for poeple who wouldn't even
cross puddles for them.

while a whole other lot wonders
if they should even cross puddles
for people who would
-without any doubts-
cross oceans for them.

what a desolate lot
people are.
thinking that love was a debate
between the idea
of crossing oceans and of crossing puddles
despite it being
a simple question
of who you should cross oceans for.
Dawn Mar 2020
in times like these I wish there were
a God I believed in
   whose words and teachings
   I consume day by day
   from when I awake to when I sleep
   before a meal and after a trip
   just so I know I'll be saved
   just so I know I am saved
   just so I know
   I can be safe

in times like these I wish there were
a God who has a plan
   so perfect and precise
   every little tear I cry every night
   is designed to flow and collect
   enough to cleanse
   until all the sadness is washed off of me
   until everything would seem right

in times like these I wish there were
a God who could explain
  why living is pain
  how anger turns to pain
  when living became pain

in times like these I wish there were
a God I could blame.
It's been so long since I stopped believing. I am yet sad again.
Dawn Jun 2017
I miss you,
in songs I haven't heard in a long while.

I miss you,
in small talks that we used to not have.

I miss you,
and I wish I didn't have to.
Taylor Swift just uploaded all her albums on Spotify and listening to her albums made me miss one of the closest friends I used to have.
Dawn Sep 2017
Please, just for today, don't say it.
I already know I'm a disappointment.
Is this even a poem?
Or just a lonely rant?
Dawn Sep 2017
"No one's gonna love you if you don't love yourself"* is what they always say.
I finally understand why I still doubt everyone who came to stay.
Another couplet. I hope this could be considered a poem just so I could say that my loneliness is more than negativity.
Dawn Nov 2017
everyday i wake up, i harvest my will to get up from my bed
from the thought that every day is a day closer to my death.
Dawn Jan 2020
A deep breathe in the mirror
A mirror! Breathe in deep!
A deep reflection
Look within, deep!
The deep mirror?
What mirror is deep?
Maybe a lake or the sea?
What do you see?
Reflect the deep.
The deep can only be a mirror when still.
Reflect on what is still deep inside
Reflect what is still
Imitate the water
Echo its calm
Calm with deep breaths.
Calmly breathe
Breathe deep
Breathe by the deep end
Deep ene
The end,
And then begin again
Finally took a creative writing class at uni and here's my first output! We were asked to do phrase manipulation on phrases containing the word 'mirror'
Dawn Jun 2017
I've never been one to rejoice deaths;
Tonight is different though

What a relief it is to finally realize
That my feelings for you
Are as dead as the affection you once had for me
I've been holding on to my feelings for someone for so long. I don't know why; maybe it's because of the undeniable chemistry paired with luckless timing. But this person just seems to be so out of reach that whatever I do, I'd still fall short of achieving what I want (aka this guy I'm talking about). I'm just glad that tonight, no matter how bittersweet it feels, I think I'm finally letting go of my feelings.
Dawn May 2017
You take so much of it,
From me.

In my daydreams,
with a script imagined out of idealism,
filled with a seamless string of events
almost as if every tiny detail has its own biography.
The way a scene is choreographed for an awfully flawless performance,
like a single foot positioned an inch too far would make the masterpiece a fiasco.
In perfectly crafted scenarios too fragile for them to be acted out in reality.

In the songs I listen to,
not from the lyrics, no.
But in the rhythms that sound like my heartbeats,
whenever I hear your laugh that is mundanely common,
yet so notable that I still think of you whenever I hear it from other people.
A tune that feels like a glimpse of ethereal blessing, but still unharmonious for other people.
In melodies that resonate how it feels like to hear beauty in frequencies that others simply overlook.
Dawn Jan 2017
I wonder,
how do we
get stranded
whilst chasing?
Dawn Jun 2019
it's so cold
i'm starting to miss the warmth of self-forgiveness
i wish i hadn't left my jacket at home
im starting to hafe myself again and the weather isnt helping
Dawn Aug 2016
What a time to be alive
for messages to be sent
in one swift click.
And just as instantly,
be read and replied.
Or be read and ignored.
Or just be ignored,
forgotten,
buried underneath
letters
more important.
080616. I didn't really expect I'd have such a lively conversation with a friend (who drifted away from me some time ago) on the telegram app.
Dawn Jul 2017
Umiiyak nanaman ang langit
habang ako'y narito, naiinggit.

Gusto ko rin sanang lumuha
ngunit mga mata ko'y pagod na.
Rain

The skies are crying again,
and i'm here, jealous.
I just want to weep,
But my eyes are too tired for tears.
Dawn May 2017
The things that used to stir me?
They don't anymore.

I am tiny particles
from a concentrated,
heterogeneous drink,
sinking slowly
and just
settling at the bottom.
I just don't feel the love so much anymore.
Dawn Dec 2016
i wonder
why we feel
a sense
of entitlement
for things
      or even for people
we don't even want.
I wonder why we feel hurt whenever we realize that we can't have things that we don't even want.
Dawn Dec 2016
I know I should go.
I should stand up and leave this corner
Where I sit and do nothing but
Listen to the raindrops splattering down the roof
And feel my head throbbing with the need to rest.

How did I ever get so stuck?
Dawn Jun 2018
i look up at the sky
to see a flashing light.
4 and a half secods later,
thunder disturbs the quiet night;
the storm is yet far away,
and so are you.
you never liked thunderstorms;
i can only hope that now, you do.
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