Why do I do this
Why do I do this to myself
I see you moving on it hurts
I want you back in my arms again
Even though you left me paralyzed
You see me as a friend
I see you as a life I'll never have
I try make amends
But you push them away
Leaving me in pain
I don't know why I try
I just think I'd rather die if I can't have you by my side
Lately I've been feeling all alone
cause you left me broken
Yea I still have my soul
But it doesn't replace your love
Why do this
Why do I do this to myself

How could you do this?
How could you do this?
Now I don't mean to come off like I'm obsessing about you
But I obsessively obsess about the things I've done
Remember back when I said I'm sorry?
Told you I felt like a drain
Told you I felt like I cause pain
Well now I'm back again
Let me apologize for apologizing
I don't really think before I say stuff
You probably gonna look at this like "this *****"
But that's okay I don't really need your opinions, I'm growing up
But I need to know
What I do wrong?
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?
Ye I know I apologise alot
But that's just my thoughts
I know I can be kinda obsessive and possessive
I know I can be kinda emotional
I know loving me can be a struggle
I swear I'm getting better though
Got a therapist and I'm getting back on my meds
Maybe they can fix my head
Maybe they can get rid of the dread
Maybe they can explain why I want to be dead
This isn't a pity party
I'm just telling you what's going on inside of my head
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?
Remember back when you said you loved me
Said you weren't ready for a relationship
But you could own me
That made me feel kinda funny
Like I was just a little play toy
Like I was nothing more to you than a quick fix
I see you got a new sub
I still hope they'll be better than me
I still wish nothing but the best
But I gotta know
What I do wrong?
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?
Sometimes I wish you'd leave me alone
But then you message me and I just can't let go
See you feeling kinda depresso
Hit you up like "hey, what's wrong, can I help you?"
I guess that's just my deepest fear
That I can't save you
I think it comes from some previous life trauma
Think I'm afraid to loose
Cause I lost my mama
Not to death but to my self hatred
Hit her up like
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?

I don't know why I can't, seem to find happiness for myself
I've tried so hard to love
But I always push away
Afraid to get attached
It hurts deep inside, feels like I'm dyin'
But I mask my feelings
Pretend to be happy all the time
I'd give anything to be content
**** I hate this feeling
The dread inside
Drives me to suicide
And I don't wanna let you go
So the only way is to die
I'll dig my own grave tonight
Burry myself
Then I'll be free from the thoughts inside

Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Driving me insane

I, ******* hate this life
I, fantasize about my knife
It's, gonna be alright
If, I, slice tonight
If I commit
Please just leave me in a ditch

Look me in the eye,
What am I?
A monster at best,
Murderer at worst,
I must confess
I am a mess,
Maybe I am a curse
I do not know what I am,
But happy is not one of them

Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Driving me insane

You make me wanna overdose
And put myself in comatose
Make me wanna take these pills right here beside my bedside table
I've been trying to get over you but everytime I close my eyes your right here next to me
Everytime I go to sleep your in my dreams
I swear your ghost is hunting me
And I know you hate me
But it's driving me crazy
Wondering where you've been lately
Driving me crazy
Wondering how've you been lately
Ok you proved your point
You make me wish I was dead
Got me thinking maybe I should shoot myself through the head
And ever since you left me I've been reading through our messages
Scrolling through our history
I wonder if you miss me
You may have left me but I'm still holding on to you
Looking for a clue of where you might be
Maybe your still watching over me
Making sure I'm alright
But I am not fine tonight
And I know you hate me
But it's driving me crazy
Wondering where you've been lately
Driving me crazy
Wondering how've you been lately.
Sometimes I lay in bed and wonder if your being fed by someone new
By someone cool
You make me think I was just a tool
You make me think I'm a fool
Cause I'm lost without you
Maybe youlm'll come back someday
And set me free from these chains of misery
But until then I'll sit here waiting for you
And I know you hate me
But it's driving me crazy
Wondering where you've been lately
Driving me crazy wondering how've you been lately
Driving me crazy

Yea! Ok uh-huh
I know the roads hard
You lost and trying to find yourself
Wanna grab the shard
Seems like the lights so far away
Every day it's a struggle
Can't find a reason to breathe
Eyes gone and you can't see
Wanna take the pills, wanna OD
Gonna set yourself free
Let it all go
Cause your broke inside (cause you're broke inside)
Looking for a reason to stay
But everything looks gray
The stress is getting to me
and I will admit, I am not ready
Not ready to face the demons of society
That's too much anxiety
Thoughts overwhelming and I just wanna sleep
But I sit here, letting the tears flow as I weep
***** scary and I don't wanna take a peep
but to find your light in the dark you gotta dig deep
Deeper than the ocean, deeper than the sea
Deeper than anything you wanna be
(CRAZY GOOD INSTRUMENTAL SOLO)
But life can be a scary thing
SO!
Lock the doors
I'm staying inside of my room
Feeling full of gloom
and my faith is doom
My happiness is consumed
I feel the hand of despair
Man this life just isn't fair
Struggling to breathe I need more air
But I don't wanna pay the fare
To go somewhere,
where I don't need to be aware
Reach this peace I find it there
You know that magic has a cost
But for me, it's lost
So help me find the reason
'Cause right now my mind screams treason

Tonight we win
Tonight we sing
Cause you and me
We'll defeat the enemy
Hold my hand you'll see
We'll make it be alright

Tonight we win
Tonight we sing

(Pre-lude)
(Talking)I see you moving on and it hurts, but I know it's my fault, could've done better... should've tried harder... I'm a better person  now ... I love you...and I'm sorry for everything...I never meant to hurt you...
(Verse 1)
Moving real fast we jumped right into it, moving real fast no questions ask, please be mine I'm lonely,
Change myself for you, I'm not perfect but I'll make myself everything you need, just give me a chance I'm begging for your love. Come back to me, come back, where are you, I'm asking myself is this destiny, no I think it's just me, pretty ****** up in the head, please don't yell at me I might just get anxiety, just like variety I might switch up on you, I'm mad, I'm sad and I'm bad.
(Verse 2)
Marching on with bipolar disorder I'mma soilder, tonka tuff, but I get a little overwhelmed when you talk to me, dunno what to say I freeze, got told to just be me, But all I see, is everything I will never be, anxiety, ******* with my mc when I step on the mic, I try to spit it, but ocd making me go craz-y gotta rhyme every single ******* line, gotta say everything on time otherwise noones gonna like it, it's gotta have the flow, gotta sound hella dope.
(Verse 3)
Being in love with you is kinda bad for my health, I hide my feelings cause I don't wanna talk about it undercover stealth...

I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain,
Whether it's alcohol to numb the pain,
Or lead to end it all,
I don't know anymore,
Maybe I should take some Adderall
Cause the voices in my head got me contemplating suicide,
One voice telling me to overdose on triple c
Another one telling me to just drink Hennessy
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain,
Ever since you left me I've been different,
Got me ******* pessimistic,
Cause you left me with nothing to hope for
You didn't just close the door,
You slammed it in my face
Got me wishing I could erase
the memories
Wish I never ******* met you.
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain
Now isn't it just silly that your playing this game?
We used to be perfect
Now I'm about to be ****** suspect
Maybe we can reconnect
Before the voices take effect
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain.
Was I just a test subject
An object to neglect?
A reflect from your ex?
I'm insane,
wanna take ten shots to the brain.

listen to me, in the time I've known you I've come to love everything about you. From your smile to your personality, from your attitude(that's a reference to your fighting spirit cause your still alive  BTW) to your caringness. There's not a single thing I or someone else don't like about you. I bet someone is willing to spend all their money for you and you know what they wouldn't care because in their mind that's money well spent. Someone is willing to do anything and everything for you. **** they'd **** myself if it meant letting you live.
I've been through a lot in my life. I've lost quite a few friends to suicide and the one thing I've learned is that all they wanted was help. You have people who want to help. You have people who love and care about you, I'm one. Not only do we care we care deeply for and about you. I'm not giving you an ultimatum because I could never do that to someone I love. I just want you to think about how much it would hurt me and your friend and all the other people you've met and inspired. You did that? Now think how it would feel to you if your killed himself or herself. That doesn't feel to good, I know it doesn't because that's how I've feel many times.  I may not know you as well as your best friend but I know you care about other people. This time though you need to care for yourself. Take a moment and just think about me and your friend and if it helps a third friend as well.
You've done that? I bet you feel happy right? Now think of all the good times you've had with then. Lastly I want you to think of your life goal. How would you achieved that if your dead?

So your feeling down? Your feeling like you are nothing? See everyone has a thing called self esteem, it's how you feel about yourself, but a shocking 85% of people suffer from low self esteem. A disease where you have no confidence in yourself. Here's the thing YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Margaret Wolfe Hungerford once said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" now I want you to think about everything you think of as imperfect or a flaw in yourself.
Ok? Now think about this, to someone that stuff is either non existent or what makes you perfect to them. This makes me feel better about myself already how about you?
Now I want you to think about everybody you've ever said hi t without them saying hi first, you could have been there rock, there reason to live all from saying hi. Have you ever looked at an ok drawing or painting and said "Wow this belongs in a museum." Do you remember how you felt, pretty good right like a surge of joy?  You are beautiful and you are perfect to someone

Tuesday, September 11, 2001, a sad day in American history a day of grief and mass lost. A day of confusion and fear. A day where more than fear itself was to be feared.
 The September 11 attacks killed 2,996 people and injured more than 6,000 others. Deaths included 265 on the four planes, 2,606 in the World Trade Center and in the surrounding area, and 125 at the Pentagon. These deaths were cruel and unnecessary. These people died early than they had to. 40 brave men and woman took down a hijacked plane to stop it from possibly crashing into the white house or the capitol building, where congress was in session that day. A total of  44 people died on that plane, that includes the 4 hijackeres. A memorial was built for all the deaths on that day but it will never be enough for the people who lost their friends and family.

If I killed myself tonight, what would you do?

She exited my life without evening saying goodbye
I try to refrain but tears stream out my eyes and I begin to cry
I shouldn’t but I want to die
I want to grow wings so I can fly
Fly far away but I know that won’t stop the memories
To get her back I’d  pay countless fee’s
She was the queen of amazingness
Now she’s gone and I feel lifeless
She didn’t judge me on my past
Now I fear she’ll be the last
For the rest of my life I’ll wear a cast
Around my heart, until I pass
I wish I could’ve talked to her one last time
Hold her close and call her mine
Now my eyes have lost their shine
I try to forget my sorrows by drinking wine
I’ll settle for feeling fine
Cause right now my heart is dangling on a line
I need her to come and save it
Cause it’s falling apart bit by bit
She’ gone and I’m falling apart
My poor broken heart
Why she had to go
I don’t know, she wouldn’t say

NightMare
  Feels like I’m living in a nightmare
Slowly drifting off to no-where
Living in this world but no-one seems to care.
It’s all so Scarey!
So I’ll pull on my hair so I can be free
I can’t wake up though cause I’m rooted down like a tree.
I can’t open my eyes
I don’t even know why I try
I fell water forming in my eyes as I begin to cry.
I need to talk to somebody but I’m to shy
So I’ll retract into my mind and ask myself why?
Why am I so scared of this world?
Probably because everything is soiled.
Feels like I’m living in a nightmare
Slowly drifting off to no-where
Living in this world but no one seems to care.
It’s all so scarey!
Now I’m afraid of the dark
I jump when dogs bark
I’m even scared to go to the park
Swimming? Forget that,there might be a shark.
Everything just leaves me with another mark.
I try to think of ways out but nothing seems to spark.
It always starts good but then everything just falls apart.
Story of my life man
I got scared so I ran.
Feels like I’m living in a nightmare
Slowly drifting off to no-where
Living in this world but no one seems to care.
It’s all so scarey!
I’m so tired but I’m afraid to fall asleep
Cause every time I close my  eyes something tries to hurt me.
I’m surprised they even try
Cause for sure they want a prize
But they aren’t going to get anything though cause
I’m finally waking up
I’m not whimpering like a pup
As I quit my pout…ing
I no longer need to shout.
That’s what I want to happen but it won’t.
  Feels like I’m living in a nightmare
Slowly drifting off to no-where
Living in this world but no-one seems to care.
It’s all so Scarey!
Everyday is just more wear and tear.
I live my life in fear
I can’t even spare a tear.
  Feels like I’m living in a nightmare
Slowly drifting off to no-where
Living in this world but no-one seems to care.
I’m so scared.
The whole world is just so scarey
I need a magic fairy
To make it through my days of nightmares.
I’m living in a nightmare
Slowly drifting off to no-where
But not one seems to care.
So I’ll disappear.
Feels like I’m living in a nightmare
I live in a nightmare
All I see is nightmares
Nightmares
All I hear is nightmares
Nightmares
All I feel is nightmares
Nightmares
Night                                  mares

Today is world poetry day
I don't know why so few people know about this
Poetry is amazing, and so are all the people who make it
I think today is the day people should let the world know that poetry is awesome
Hello all you poets and poetess write away and continue to make art with words
Continue to make people feel amazed
Happy World Poetry Day everyone!

I'm not really violent
Lately though people are pushing my buttons over and over
Stretching me past my breaking point
I barely keep my anger inside from coming out
One more push though and I think I'll blow up
One more push and snap
I'm so fed up
So don't push me please because I'm close to blowing

Sometimes I get so mad I just have to cry

A tidal wave of emotion comes crashing down upon me
As I think about the one I love more than life itself
The feeling I get when I see her is sweet like honey from a bee
It's not small like an elf
I can always smile when I think of her
When I lay alone at night and concentrate I can smell her scent
I know I'm falling in love for sure
To let her know, at her doorstep I leave a hint
A short note to inform her of my feelings
I couldn't just leave her in the dark
She's the thing my body and heart is yearning
I want to enter her life and leave a good mark

Hello followers and likers
I feel like I owe you guys an apology for not putting any poems up
On Saturday and Sunday, possibly Friday
I will post more poems that I have been working on
I hope you will enjoy them

What would you do if I told you I love you?

A girl has a lot of *** she’s a ****
A guy has a lot of *** he’s a player
Is it wrong for both sexes to have pleasure
Is it wrong for girls to like *** to
Society what’s wrong with you
You’ve twisted pleasure into something only for guys
A thumbs up for guys if they have a lot of ***
Insults and rude looks for the girls if they have a lot of ***
Do you truly think that it is that bad of a thing
If a girl has a lot of *** and stays clean
It shouldn’t be
If a girl has a lot of *** and is *****
Then it should be but not to the level we have raised it to
The pressure we put on girls to not have ***
Makes them hide their thoughts
It makes them feel stressed
They worry that they will be bullied
They shouldn’t have to go through this
All though I’m a guy I know this is wrong
How come most of society thinks it’s right?