I fear every  tomorrow  
All my life it only brought sorrow

Tragedy on top of tragedy is stacked
I'm spread eagle on life's torture rake

The universe keeps twisting the screws
Will it ever be over,  haven't I paid my dues

Isn't forty years enough suffering
What other catastrophe is out there hovering

I fear the winds of change
Still I feel them just the same

For change has only ever worsened my plight
Agony always takes another bite

Look forward to tomorrow, is what is said
But I only see it in black and red

Have these feeling and their all wrong
No sleep again all night long

Don't mind the blood splattered on the walls
Or on the floor, from my hand where it falls

It's nothing really just the same old song
My demons just wanted me to sing along

Pain, hurt, suffering
Misery, torment, anguish
Despondency, woe

You couldn't love me, I had to move on
I hope you see where you was wrong
I hope you stay strong
I never ment to harm
But I gave you my love it was never returned
You left me feeling burned
So in it is a lesson to be learned
Not not treat the heart of another
Like trash in the gutter
That you can pick up when you want
Never giving them a secound thought
Only when YOU need them, not when they need you
I hope if not a lesson, you at lest get a clue

I am the dragon, I am the fire
Hop a stride, I'll take you higher
I am the ice, I am the spike
Making you feel all childlike
I am the needle, I am the vain
Look real close it's all the same
I am the rock, I am the crack
If you leave, I'll take you back
I am the tar, I am the lid
Close your eyes, I'm where you hid
I am the snow, I am the powder
Widen your eyes, listen louder

I am that fly upon your wall
The one you never seen at all
I watched you, let you fall
Now upon your belly........crawl

You are not the only one that's broken
Do you even realize how hurtful  those words where that was spoken
You voice is all I can hear
It keeps ringing in my ear
"Your an awful person"
Made my depression worsen
Do you realize what you've done
You didn't place in my hand the gun
You just gave me reason to pull the trigger
I wish your last words you would reconsider



Guess you don't care what your words cost
For it was only me that you lost

As we laid there in the cool cave, winter far behind
And in the heat of the day this coolness was hard to find
I was starting to see this knight as one of a kind

I just had to ask, "What about your wife"
He gave me a look of sadness and grief, that cut like a knife

"She had died giving birth
My son was the only one I had left on this earth
With his death my life has no worth"

He stretched out his hand and stroked my ravin hair
A look come over his face like he didn't have a care
"Please my beautiful witch come here"

He pulled me closer, I put my hands on his chest
I made a feeble attempt to push away, but his hand was now on my breast
And he started to caress

He took off my cowl and kissed every inch
At every brand and scar I would flinch
We made love to the song of a finch

He was so gentle so kind
I rested my head it on his chest I could hear his heart beat, he said it was mine
We slept tangled up with each other until it was time

We awoke just before sunset, I picked some roots and berries
And pack some for us to carry
I smiled as I thought of how his chest was so hairy

As we set down to eat
I knew there was more to his feat
Than just steeling that horse
So more questions I had of course

I just had to ask "what is it you plan to do with this black creature
With it's dark seeded nature
Being it's greatest feature"

So he explained what it was that he did need
The horse's great speed
Because on top of that steed

He could chase down the white dragon LEANA to catch it
The part he was trying to omit
Was killing that wonderful creature, he thought it was only way, he finally had to admit

"What do you need so badly from this great dragon, it's gold?"
I stomped over to him my finger poking he's breastplate "are you really that cold"
He backed up violently shaking his head no

"What I need is one of her rib bones
It's part of a legend that is unknown"

"With it I can fashion a sword
That will imprison the dark lord"

"With it lodged in his side
He can never again come outside
In he's fiery hell hole he'll have to hide"

I sat down and cried

There has to be another way
than killing such a wondrous creature
There has to be another procedure

There is a monster under your bed
With teeth razor sharp, eyes of glowing red
And every time you lay down your sweet head

He slips into your mind
Your beautiful dreams is what he finds
And with them he reassigns

He turns them all to nightmares
He wants you in despair
Showing you the greatest of terrors

It gives him the greatest rush
When your so scared, your voice is hushed
With your legs all turned to slush

In your dearms he loves to hop
To make you flip and flop
On your sweetest dreams he just chops

Every night you'll find him there
Waiting to bring you only despair
******* from your lungs the air

Showing you things that can be done
We really has lots of fun
Have you staring down the barrel of a Gatling gun

So I suggest after your daily bread
Before you scurry off to bed
You make sure all your prayers are said

There is no avoiding this nasty monster
For all your fears he fosters
All of your demons he will conjure
He'll make sure when he's through, You'll need a psychiatric doctor.

I was so very proud of my wall
I knew no collision would make it fall
It was built over many a year with heartache & grief
And many a secrets I'm destined to keep

I built the wall to keep all those out
If I found any holes I'd fill them with grout
Thought the pain couldn't reach me
And I might get to find some glee

But little did I know what I'd done to myself
Seems I've just been sitting on a shelf
And letting life just pass right by
And I was just watching and waving goodbye

I relized I was still miserable in my safe little hole
Gezz something, yes something had to go
My wall is so high it's blocking the sun
But what,oh what, could be done

Seems that I walled in the pain, instead of keeping it out
WHAT HAVE I DONE, I scream and I shout
I'm so looking for someone to throw me a line
To save me from this space and time

There was one that dared to throw me a life vest
And **** it he tried his very, very best
But this wall of mine put our friendship to the test
And I know now I must give him some rest

So I start with forgiving myself
But there's a lot that should be on someone else
The guilt shouldn't be mine
It was their crime!!!
So I pick up my axe and start chipping away
Because behind this wall I no longer want to stay
I want to break free of this jail that I built
And work thru all this emotionally guilt
It really wasn't mine to claim
anyway
So I'll try my hardest to keep those feelings at bay
I'm tired of staying here in this life of gray
So I'll keep chipping and chopping and maybe one day......

Every day I put on armor
I do my best to be the snake charmer
But this world full of snakes
And very high are the stakes
They coil and strike
They do their damndest to bite
But everyday I put on even more
It's such a great chore
And under all this weight I'm starting to bend
And I can't move and I can't defend
So I'll take the venom, I'll let it sink in
I'll let it course through my veins
I'll let it flow to my brain
Let it deaden my limbs
Till the light in my eye's dims
My heart will stop it's beat
And the reaper I will greet

Can't you see the tiny storm cloud
With it's thunder cracks so loud
Feeling the gentle rain caress my skin
A thousand tiny kisses felt so deep within
To pirouette between the drops
Quickly losing all the agonizing thoughts
Spining and changing with the wind, a tango of prefect grace
I taste the rain upon my lips, as the lighting splashes light across my face
An exceptional balance of beauty and the beast
Absorbing the fierce energies release
Dancing in the storm's sweet rain
Relieving the searing pain

Sitting on the soft floor surrounded by white
Hugging your self wither you want to or not
The light is so very, very bright
In your head your screaming stop

Because they're buzzing so loud
And it's the only **** sound
But the voices in your head are starting to crowd
In your brain they are circling and twirling around

How did I end up here
I don't remeber a thing
There is nothing at all that is clear
Did I finally snap, that one final little string

Oh those ******* lights won't they stop
My voices yell in unison, it's causing them pain
That buzzing is gonna make me blow my top
If it don't stop, the buzzing will dive them insane

And if they go nutty what will happen to me
**** it's been hours, or has it been minutes
I'm not sure, seconds it might be
I'm being pushed past my limits

Still, tho I can't see a clock
I can feel time ticking by
Or maybe it's not
I would know if I could see the sky

But that is impossible so I just rock and I sway
The buzzing has now become my back beat
I know it's been years now, or maybe just days
I can't tell this room is dripping with deceit

I know when they open that door
Drowned in my own drool
Right there on the floor
Just another crazy fool

When I get old and live with my kids
I'm gonna do all the things that they did
I'll get up way before dawn
I will be their human alarm
I scream I'm hungry in the wee morning hours
I will complain when it's time to take a bath or shower
I'll scribble my latest creation on the walls
And on the siding I'll bounce all my *****
I'll spill my milk, so the cat can drink
I won't scrap my plate, when I put it in the sink
I'll refuse to eat my veggies and meat
And if able, run wild in the street
I'll set real close to the tv, blocking their view
Clicking all the channels before I am through
I will change clothes a million times a day
And when I'm done, on the floor they will lay
And when they have taken about all they can stand
I will say "I love you" while I'm holding their hand
And at night when I am fast asleep
In my door they will creep
And softly say "doesn't she look so innocent and sweet"
As they gently cover up my feet

All you ever had was just beautiful words to say
But in the end they where all lies anyway

I see signs around me all the time
They always speak of the bad, a crime
But I never know what they mean
Until the time is seen

I should of paid more attention to that vulture on that pole
Just sitting there four days in a row
Like it had no where to go
I didn't understand
But the answer was in my hand

It took you four months to picked my heart clean
Like a vulture, what you did was obscene
And just like the vulture, one day away you flew
Leaving me wondering, now what am I to do

I don't know why I see signs of whats to come
Wraped in a riddle, never knowing till it comes undone
I guess it's to prepare me in some way
But the meaning is always shadowed gray

So that vulture on that pole I knew it wasn't good
Now I know it was about my heart, and protected it I should
But thats the problems with the signs that I see
I never know if they are ment for me

Can we transverse this tragedy
That happened once to you , to me
Of broken hearts and shattered dreams
Can we stifle our deafening screams
For nothing is ever what it seems
Do we have it within, do we have the means
To sidestep the pain
That still rattles in our brains
In our hearts
Even though they're torn apart
Do we dare to even start?

God doesn't love me he never did
Even from the start as a little kid
I was so innocent
Or maybe just ignorant
I don't know which
But stepdad threw the switch
And I was neither this nor that
My soul just went splat

I hit a wall so hard and strong
I would forever always be wrong
No matter what choice I made
It all ended up so decayed

This life is no fun
I live it far from the Sun
But I could never hurt anyone
So why is it so
That upon my soul
That the sorrow it grows
And the stale wind blows
How could God hate me so much
That my life would turn out as such

That the agony just grows
In the memories that it's sows
Makes me wish this life was no more
I'm hollow to the core
I don't want to hurt any more

So take this living corpse of mine
In all of its great decline
Do with it what you wish
For it never will see any bless
So use it up and spit it out
Because after all isn't that what love's all about

Because that's all I've seen
In the 47 years that I've gleaned
So use me now, or use me latter
You'll always be just a hatter
In this mind of mine there is no doubt
That this thing called life I want to bow out
And forever be no more
And settle the score

I want to stand on that judgement day
And hear what God really has to say
Let him look me in the eye
Let him see me cry
From all that he did not save me from
And why he left me here so numb
That all I can do is shout
Is this what love is all about!

I woke today
In the usual way
Alarms blaring
Clock uncaring
Sleep fleeting
Sun greeting
Eye's blinking
Minutes ticking

Yes everything was the same, the normal routine
But I could feel that cold clutch of something unseen
Today might be different plight
There's something not quite right
Apprehension over me rolled
Something in the wind had gone cold
It's making my soul shiver
Like being submerge in a cold river

Clock ticking
Thoughts thickening
Eyes darting
Fear starting
Breath catching
Life injecting
Uncertainty
I woke today
In the usual way
To find the day
In decay

A crime buried without justice is never laid to rest
Those that where responsible never addressed

The exploding bombs had chased them to the basments
They thought women and children would be safer in this containment

But these bombs that droped did not explode
It had a much deadlier payload

The gas it trun lose was Sarin by name
This nerve gas played no games

So much heavier than air, it's deadly fingers reached down
Right to where all the women and children could be found

Quit and deadly, they hadn't a prayer
They where all so caught unaware

Until their lungs wouldn't work
Then the muscles twitching and ****

Mothers agonizing screams filled the air
Me and my Children are dying they declared

Bombs delivered the gas
Now families and children twitch in deaths dance

No real hospital for miles
Poorly equipped clinics filled up, people laying in the aisles

Frothing at the mouth, pupils only pinpoints
Death came to many that day, it did not disappoint

The dead laid in rows in clinics, mosques, and streets
Over thirteen hundred the lord had to meet

And as the living took care of the dead, in their graves they lay
Still no one is punished for this crime upon them, not even to this day

Hardened and honed
Right down to the bone
Unreachable
Untouchable
Refined in the fires
Of monsters' desires
Irredemable
Irretrievable
Forever being oppressed
Pressed and compressed
Inescapable
Ineluctable
Walking this world alone
Dragging a heart of stone
Unbreachable
Unbreakable
No longer afraid
A warrior was made

©Pauline Russell

I've been down this road before, so ****** and cold
But on I go, thoughts running wildly uncontrolled
I just go home and silently close the door
When I can't take it any more
It's like deja vu
I'm so scared without a clue
Of how to stop the bleed
I'm so willing to concede
My mind plays tricks on me
So I set down and smoke some ****
It quites my mind
So I can find
A small space inside
Where my feelings can hide
Lock them up and toss the key
To the bottom of the black sea
It's where I long to be
Where I can't breath
Do the dead mans float
Cuz I can't cope
I need some dope
So I'm not found at the end of a rope
No one understands
No one can
To the bottom I sink again
This time I'm not even trying to swim

I scurried from my moss covered resting place
I was in a panic I needed to see the deamons face
So I would know what was giving chase

I looked deep within the dying fire, "show me goddess Theia the one that follows"
At first the vision was very shallow, so hollow
But then I seen it, and it filled me with sorrow

Because all I could see was the Cerberus
It had the scent of me, the sorcerers
Quickly trying to decide our best courses

It's blue-black body glimmering in the moonlight
Huge muscles gliding effortlessly, such a beautiful scary sight
It's three huge heads, teeth snapping, a true drooling fright

Leaving a trail like a scent, wafting in the air, was my spells
It was time to make haste this much I could tell
We will both be dead and torn savagely apart if I fail

With the snap of my fingers the leaves dew fell on the knight
Waking him with a sudden fright
"We must leave here you're to weak to fight"

Shaking the sleep from he's head
A quick look at me, he could see my dread
He silently stomped out the fire, no words from his lips said

He grabbed the reins of the evil ones steed
He gracefully lept on and pulling me on, off at top speed
But that devilish horse ran towards the evil one, He would not heed

I must think quick, this horse I must enchant
Into it's mind a seed I must plant
So I start a simple powerful chant

"Demon steed
Feel the need
To out run, succeed
From the hellish hound top speed"

With my constant chant, the demon spun horse turned around
And just in time, I seen the heads of the wicked hound
Along with the chant I whisper a prayer to Moirai to change our fate, we had been found

With clockwork precision
You made your incision
You planned with perfection
All of your deception
You never wavered in your disguise
That made for my immanent demise

You played the part of victim
But it was my heart that was missing
You must have a gift
You were so sweet, but swift
With a flick of your wrist
My heart from my chest was dismissed

But you insisted
You didn't leave me bent or twisted
You didn't break or shatter
What really mattered
You said "I didn't leave your heart broken
I took it as a token"

You placed my heart among the rest
It was quite a collection you possessed
****** and still pumping, they sat on your shelf
They were all for you, nobody else

For I found out to late
My feelings would abate
For you let them lay and stagnate
Because what was beneath your breastplate
Was an empty chasm
The depths of which I couldn't even fathom

I guess you took them to fill your own void
I supposed thats why with others you toyed
Maybe you thought with enough hearts
It might be like it was for you in the start
You would feel something more than dread
But look how many you left as the walking dead

It didn't matter how many heartless victims you left in your wake
It was always about you, for Heaven sake
After all you was the victim
With heartlessness and hatred you were stricken
Now you spread like a disease
Just to bring the world to it's knees
One heart at a time
For you, love is the crime

Laying here in this lonely bed
Wishing you was here instead
I'd snuggled up so warm and tight
Fingers tracing over your body so light
All the way down to that sacred sweet spot
A slight touch there can make you rise, make you hot
I tease and I play
Never going all the way
You roll me over, pen me down
Each breast you kiss all the way around
You tease you play
You never go all the way
Back and fourth we play and tease
So poetic, with so much ease
Between my hips I find your head
Ummm I just combust, flood the bed



Sadly waking to the alarm of the day
Wish I could of slept till the ALL THE WAY

I am no one
I'm but a pun
I am nothing
I'm but string
I am naught
I'm but rot
I am an outsider
I'm but a cypher
I am an introvert
I'm but dirt

Just a splatter
On this life's platter

©Pauline Russell

What does tomorrow want from me
Should I open up my wrist again, so I don't have to see
For we all walk behind the blind
Today I think I'll draw the line

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

What will tomorrow bring to me
Agony as deep as the sea
There's no telling what I'll do
When tomorrow with me is through

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

When tomorrow will soon be a yesterday
Will I still be lost within the gray
Will someone find and rescue me
For I am my own worst enemy

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

It's certain tomorrow is a frightening place
It's sure to give me problems I can't face
Tragedies of every sort
Just to see how far I can contort

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

When tomorrow finally comes
Will I be facing the loaded guns
Will I become mentally sicker
Strong enough to pull the trigger

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

What does tomorrow want from me
Will it turn around and let me be
For I am all ready on my knees
Searching for the missing keys

Father Time is pushing me along
But I don't want to go on
For every step that I take
Every tick the clock makes
Takes the memories farther away
I fear for the day
When time does it's shading
To my memories it will do it's raiding

I don't want to forget your smell, or how your arms felt, when you hugged me tight
I don't want to forget your voice,  when you consoled me in the middle of the night
I don't want to forget your face,  or those beautiful blue eyes
I don't want to forget all you said that was wise

I'll hold on to those memories tight
As I stay here in this life and fight
But I know they will slip through my hand
Like the hourglass's sand
I know from experience time will take it's toll
The pictures and memories of you away from me will start to roll

But the pain of you being gone
Will stay with me my whole life long
It seems the only thing time does not take is the love and the sorrow
THAT,.... it let's linger on way into all of the tomorrow's

I was very cautious
I knew if I wasn't what it would cost us
I made sure the bedroom was perfect
I wanted MY romantic affect
I hung the plastic, then the curtains
Bed exactly in the middle, I had to be certain
Lit a few candles
Then sliped on my dress, and my sandals

I cruise the street
For my baby to meet
I pick him up at the corner
My heart beats faster, my body warmer
We go back to my house
Where we start to mess about
I lead you to my bedroom
We'll be making love soon

To my bed you are shackled
You have no idea of my feeling of hackles
Straddling you, and ridding you like a horse
All the wail your loving it of course

With you still in me, I bring out my toys
They are only for my collection of boys

They are bright and shiny
I will not treat you kindly
They are so sharp they can split a hair
And in their refection you just stare
You can't believe what you see
As the look on my face is pure glee

You body starts to convulse and thrash
Then with my blades I start to slash
I plunge my toy in
With the evilest grin
I love the squirting gushing sound
It's all so profound

I have loved all my men
That's why I let no one chase  them
Forever in death they are mine
I'm one of a kind

I slash him to ribbons
It's as fun as the dickens
He's still alive
And feels every vibe
Covered in blood
Our bodies fit like a glove

I slowly climb off top
And lop of his part
Blood sprays the room
Death will be here soon

I'm so happy I made it romantic
And taped up the plastic
I'm the Black Spider
I **** all I desire

There once was a man
That thought his member was grand
He called it the best in all of the land

He went from woman to woman
He said he was just checking their fluid

If your thinking he's a stud you couldn't be wronger
He's what my my grandpa would call a whoremonger

I'm left upon this table bleeding out
For all of my emotions, I find no need to shout
They are pooling all around me
Like the oceans and the sea
You'll no longer have to worry
About what kind of mood I'm in
This well be my final sin
Just know I always loved you
Even though at times I do what I do
Sometimes I just got carried away
I hope you can forgive me anyway
You where my only true friend in this pitiful play
It took to long to find you, my life always in disarray
Please forgive me, that I choose to go out this way
But there's this price I have to pay

The moon beams glistens and bounces off the cold gray tomb stones
I glide silently between them, I let out a few soft moans

The moon's so bright it throws shadows off all the leafless trees
Their bony fingers reach out and dance in the breeze
At every stone I carefully read each name and date at either end of the dashes

Everyone of them, their lives where nothing more than flashes
Like the flickering flame of the lanterns glow
Their life away from them just flowed

My midnight stroll was almost over
Knowing they where all at peace under that cover of clover
I looked on their last resting place with wistful eyes
This feeling of wanting couldn't be disguised

As the wind whistles and dies
The north wind crys
A cold chill runs through my spirit
Voices surround me, although I don't want to hear it

For I'm just a vapor, a mist
Miserable in life I slit my wrist
Now I'm a simple ghost
More restless than most

I lift my head to watch the midnight flight of the raven
I feel so cheated, death did not even offer me a safe haven
Death would not let me lay peaceful in the ground
But pointed it's bony finger, and said "go roam around"

Sadness is still my existence, just a different plain
Still the same old sharp dull pain
I'm a restless ghost, flames being held to my feet
Now when you catch sight of me among the stones you'll know why I weep
Because for me there will never be that eternal sleep

He took the drugs to ease his physical pain
He took the drugs to deal with all the strain
He took the drugs now it's in his brain
He took the drugs now he's stuck in the sick and twisted game

You'll find him there within his room
You'll find him there with the needle and the spoon
You'll find him there where the darkness looms
You'll find him there for the pain always resumes

I'm scared one day I'll find him there............that awful shade of blue

(poet's side note: worse fear realized August 16th 2016)

You call me at night and we sit and we talk
We dream of our wedding day, and the aisle I'll walk

All I can think of is you
My thoughts you consume

Waiting for you to be here in April
You'll move any mountain, I know you are able

I dream of you holding me tight
We'll have so much fun each and every night

Full body hold
Not letting go

Under the covers
Two bodies double

Softly becoming one
Our embrace will last long after the morning sun

I wake up from dreaming of you
My nightmare life ensues

Waiting for my life to begin, when you take my hand
For you are my life, my love, my man

Fluffy white clouds, sailing in a sea of blue
I never knowing, no I hadn't a clue
This would be the last day I would be seeing you

Got off work, went to your home
Door was locked so around it I roam
Peeking in the windows, rapping on the glass
Please just answer me, I shout out and I ask

I seen you this morning in the dawns haze
You looked so stressed, stuck in your maze
I made you promise you'd get some sleep
I laughingly suggested counting sheep
You gave your sweetest fake grin
Gave me a hug, turned around and went in

I whispered I love you as I turned to leave
I heard you heave a heavy sigh of relief
You was in the abyss
Company you would not miss

You was head diving for the bottom
Your mood fit the skelton tree's of late autumn
Your emotions where laid bear
You trembled like those trees in the cold morning air
Everything you had cared about, you let fall away
Just like those tree's did, all around you at your feet they laid
Everything you once cared about was in a slow rotting decay

You never answered your door that I pounded on
You was already gone
You left everything, even your phone
You took off all alone

You left no note
No sign of hope
One minute you was here
Now your gone and I fear
I will never see you again
I fear your sorrowful life you put to an end

But I'll never know
Which direction you decided to go
I hope your out living your dreams
That this is not what it seems

Dear friend I love you so
I really need to know
So out in your woods I took a stroll
Down to your favorite spot where the creek flows

Relieved your lifeless body I didn't find
Wishing you had left a sign
But I didn't find you there
Babe where are you, you know I care
Not knowing what happened to you
Is leaving ME lifeless and blue

Slammed to the bottom of the hole
Where all broken spirits go
A lacerated soul
Rains silent tears that flow

Realizing, I'm now totally alone
Your not here to console
You lost your self-control
Without me you reached the goal

With anger and grief
For drugs I reach
A simple relief
Running away with your thief

©Pauline Russell

Nights solid blackness is closing in fast
I keep thinking of a great spell to cast
Maybe if the white dragon was simply asked

Off we ride on what is now unfortunately my journey too
I can feel the dark horse muscles flow so smoothly under me as we flew
Out loudly I pray to Goddess Athene, that this nightmare we will both live through

We emerge from the security of my forest, at the foot of the mountain
The knight tells me we must find Pirene the inspirational fountain
On the speed of this steed I was counting

Because I can feel the darkness creeping
And my branded skin is calling out to the evil, it's weeping
I whisper to my knight so our darkened ride can't hear, "this speed we must be keeping"

The thought of my quest crosses my mind
My mother was what I wanted so much to find
But I'm afraid that dream I'll have to leave behind

The demons horse starts the steep rocky climb up the path
We are heading toward the white dragons wrath

It is starting to break dawn
The feeling of evil chasing is gone
So now I start chanting the Dragons sweet song

" LEANA sister of the dragon moon
Please fly down from your heights, we need your help soon
Please heed my chanted tune
And meet me by the fountain Pirene by noon
Or the earth may soon lay in ruin"

Me and the knight reach the fountain's wondrous water just after mornings light
The sky was a beautiful redish orange sight
I know by the sky's tinge today is going to be a fierce fight
That is going to lead well into tonight

We dismount and I use one of my strongest talismans to secure the beast so it can not flee
I stoop by the old crumbling fountain to drink in the cool liquid nectar, so like the poets I can be

All the greatest poets come to this magical spot
To gain unimaginable inspirational thoughts
And this kind I so desperately sought

I took I deep cool long drink and looked to the sky
And in that moment I seen the the silver streak of the dragon's body fly
And to my horror a crystal clear vision flashed before my eyes
In it the noble dragon's pure white body was coverd in thick blood it looked like she would die

That magically moment when something unexpected
All most impossible happens
It makes you question everything you've been taught
About the universe and the world
You for just an instant
See the world through the eyes of your inner child
When EVERYTHING was possible.

I laid on my bed and watched the storms last night
Seeing the beautiful lightning such a wonderful sight
I didn't even mind being there alone
I guess the loneliness I've out grown

The lightning struck so much my room was contant noon
And the thunder just kept rolling like one melodious tone

I lay across my bed
With the window at my head
I love the fragrant smell
When the storms give it hell

I watched it storm for hours
Wishing I could draw upon it's powers
Just how awesome would that be
To have people cower before me

I dreamed all night long of storms and thunder
It tore my dreams asunder
But in the morning light they where gone
And now I can't wait for them again to come along

There was a little girl that lived in a tree
She climbed up there so no one could see
She climbed up there so she could just be

She stayed up there so long she got leaves in her hair
She stayed up there so long she no longer cared

She didn't care about the mother missing her child
She didn't care about anything after awail

She was content up there in the sky
She was content up there and no one knew why

How long she stayed up there nobody knew
How long she stayed up there her feet like roots grew

She had stayed so long now she hadn't a choice
She had stayed so long now she no longer had a voice

Don't go looking for her she's no longer there
Don't go looking for her she no longer cares

She had become part of the tree
She had become part of it and no one could see
She had become part of it and now she could just be

That little girl up in the tree, use to be me

My Diamond

By this life I've been cut to pieces, they're all there on the floor
Thousands of jigsaw shaped pieces, I'm not easy to explore

Only one person could look and see what was really me
Now that he's past, what will I become to be

For I'm constantly walking in circles, getting lost in the dark
Instead of a loving hand, all there is, is a question mark

I feel myself slipping backwards, further down the hole
Slide past the diamonds formed by pressured coal

You promised to be my diamond the hardest of all rocks
But even diamonds crack, with the ticking of the clock

I'm so very lost now, even more than before
Because you'll never again walk through my door

Only you could look at the jigsaw, seeing the beautiful picture it was supposed to be
Only you ever had the love to see, all that made me......me

©Pauline Russell

The wisest thing my Grandma ever told me
Is take comfort in your misery
Because sometimes that's all your gonna see
Wonder if Grandma knew
Maybe she was trying to give me a clue

That it would be all that live had in store
I'd be ripped apart at the core
That I'd live in constant ashes
Dreams and hope dashes
On the rocks of eternal sorrow it always crashes

Someone clipped my wings
So I would never sing
Someone broke my heart
It now is only art
Someone broke my spirit
So in darkness I will live it

My Grandma so very wise
She knew I'd live through many lies
And rough times ahead of me lay
And still persist to this present day
And I hope from heaven Grandma can see
I take comfort in my misery

Sit right down let me tell you what we serve
You might think it quite absurd
But we only have just one dish
And it might even be what you wish

But apathy is our only course
I hope that is your choice
It's very easy to prepare
And everybody can have their share
If you don't like it we don't care

Empathy use to be our greatest cuisine
It really was quite supreme
But serving it was such a pain
And to admit it we are all just to vain
It took to much time
And it didn't pay a dime
We had to layer in the flavors
Of truly caring, love, patience, and of course life savers

Who has time for all of that, not us
We don't need all the fuss
For we only care about our own
To care about strangers we're not prone
Your tears we care nothing about
So just sit over there and pout

For we only serve one thing here.......apathy
We are to self-absorbed for.......empathy

God.....these devastating events have to end
I'm close to snapping,  no more can I bend
I need a season of rest
I can no longer be stretched
stop, Stop, STOP!!!!
This life of mine makes Hell look like a vacation spot

Here I am again standing in the gray
Lost in the sway
Lost in the fray
At times standing in my own way

When everything around you doesn't matter
People's voices become just chatter
It couldn't get much sadder
I've been lost in the scatter

Yet somethings remain the same
My soul is still aflame
With all that's insain
Nothing left to reclaim

Even though the winds of time have changed
I'm still here to the past chained
The smile that plays about on my face is constrained
As catastroph and sorrow on my head rained

I want to take a razor and slice myself into
You'll just stand and watch, there's nothing you can do
I'll make it right down the middle, so I can show you my heart
Then you can see I had one, it just came all apart

Swimming in the sea of ecstasy
Is where I want to be
Just you and me
And when the storms blow
There's no need for fear to grow
We'll just drift with the flow

We can float on our backs
There will be nothing we lack
And when the sharks attack
You'll just pull out your blade
That with your own hands you have made
I won't be affraid

I will cherish these days
You set my soul a blaze
Into your eye's I'll deeply gaze
My icy cold heart will start to drip
As I kiss your soft lips
And we tighten our grip

The waves will carry us along
As our hearts beat out a lovers song
Because I know in your arms I belong
For it's you I adore
And there will be so much more in store
When we wash up on that sandy shore

Living a life full of shadows, full of echoes
Voices from my past bellows
In my head and in my heart
They seem to want to tear me apart
To make me pay a price I don't owe
The devil put a price on my soul
He's tried to crush me
Rush me
Brush me aside
Make me hide
God's angels join in
Chasing away any friend

I'm not ment for heaven or hell
I just ride the growing swell
Until I'm dropped into the hole
Where all the unwanted souls go
The black abyss will be a welcome sight
No longer having to put up a fight
There in the darkness I'll dwell in delight
Far from hell's dogs
Or those heavenly hogs

This night just seems not to end
It stretches on much to my chagrin
I lay in this bed trapped in this skin

Why must life be this way
Why must lonely nights lead into sorrowful day
Why must in my head all these thoughts play

As I lay here and wait for the light
Trying to decide if I should give up the fight
But I don't live for myself so I haven't the right

So I just toss and I turn
Stressed and stomach churns
And my scars just burn

Maybe with a new day
I'll look at things a different way
Maybe I'll have better things to say

For now even my bones feel heavy
I'm hoping my tears don't break down the levee
Praying tomorrow I can hold everything steady

Besides the screams and panic
Besides people becoming manic

Was the most haunting of sounds, ever to be heard
Surreal and hysterically absurd
As loved ones try to leave nothing unsaid
Was the continuously ringing cellphones of the dead

©Pauline Russell

Treat me like a rabid hound
Take that gun and shoot me down
Better yet just hand me a knife
And I'll cut myself right out of this life
I'm tired and I've been ground down
There's hardly any of me to be found
What's the use to fight this fight
It's only dark there is no light
If only Someone would take my hand
That feeling would be oh so grand
But any one that's tried
Can't stand the tears I cried
I just want Someone that can understand
**** it I want a real man
That can see past the agony and scars
That makes me look so marred
Even tho my heart is broken
The pieces of it still are golden

I am the colors of your lies
I am your broken side
I am the sound within your eyes
I am the sight your ears behold
I am the deck when you must fold
I am the quake, when your world shakes
I am the snap, when your heart breaks
I am the tears that you have cried
I am the future of mankind
I am all that you will find
I am your darkest side