Here I am again, back where I began Iron locks, rusty doors,
It doesn't matter how hard I try
The fires are fiercely fanned

Leaving only ashes, smoke always lingers
I pick myself up, dust it all off
Wonder why I bother, again and again
Sifting for fragments, with ****** bruised fingers

Why do I do it over and over, just to return
Back to the cage, I'll never escape
Breaking out for a moment, slammed back in
I'm alive but never lived, I watch my years burn

Why do I hold on to hope, I should put it all down
How can I find the pieces, so very tiny,
Over time and places, they've been scattered
Will I ever be myself again, my mind is twisted around


I'm waving the white flag, I'm calling it done
To weak to get up, no reason to be found
Leave me in my ashes, this Phoenix won't fly
Every ounce of my pain is a boulder, now buried under a ton


Just call the time of death, it's done

©Pauline Russell

When I was young a monster took my hand
Lead me off to monster land
When he was done he passed me off
All the monsters turned to me and scoffed
They shouted out in unison and glee,  "this will never stop"
They threw me on thier block and chopped

They chipped away my innocents,  replacing it with anguish
They took away my joy, leaving memories tarnished
They stole the light in my eyes, now all I see is gray
It took a few of them to make me see this way

Even though I ran so very far
I couldn't get away after all
They finally left one cold winter day
But chained to the memories I still stay

They still hunt me in my dreams
The memories of what they've done still stream
They can still make me scream
So judge me if you want, my life's not what it seems

I went down to the sandy bay
Just to watch the water sway
I chased the tiny ***** at play

Sitting on the sand to enjoy the view
***** closing in, quickly withdrew
Dimonds twinkling on a field of blue

Sea gulls screeching a hello
Eloquently they ride the winds flow
As off to the sea they go

The small waves start to dance
Sun and water have such a romance
Everythings perfect at first glance

To speak of this is quite taboo
Even in paradise things are askew
There in the waters deep deep blue

In the darkness or brightest place
Monsters of all kinds still give chase
They inhabit every single space

There is no heroes, they've all died
There is no need to wail or cry
No comforting can be applied

There is no one left to intercede
Come and have a seat by me
We can witness the ocean bleed

We will sit and watch the scene unfold
As they greedily munch down soul after soul
Plainly now all can see, we never did have control

©Pauline Russell

I'm standing on the ledge again
How did it all begin
I was minding my own business
But it struck with such quickness
Where did that razor come from
I'm afraid I might succumb
It was like magic it just appeared
The temptation to pick it up is something to be feared
Because if I do I'll slice from ear to ear.

The drugs I've took for days
Have left me in this haze
So today I float along
Trying to forget your song
You sang to me with love
Only to give the finale shove

You tied me to the tracks
Guess you like the sound of all the cracks
As my heart was split into
You did all that you could do
To make sure that I would choke
On all the words you spoke

But baby you was wrong
As I just move along
I hope my love haunts you
I hope your heart stays blue

I have found a new toy
I crush on a new boy
For you was never a man
Not good enough to take my hand

So now there's a new one to take your place
Someone I've known for years, that now gets to tastes my grace

Thank you for letting me go
Or his passion I wouldn't know
He kisses all my scars
He helped me break my fall

But no one gets my heart again
You helped remind me thats a sin

Better monsters than you have tried to consume and feed
But I am stronger with every break, I will not conceded

Thank you for the ride
The down hill slide
For at the bottom I found myself and him
In tangled on a whim

And by that bonfire
He lit my desire
He's my flame licker
My passion transmitter

So go on your lonely way
To you I have only one thing left to say
You threw away a golden heart
You really wasn't all that smart

watching the skys anxiously
Maybe i am just an abnormality
Because I don't view the world angrily
Even tho what's been inflicted upon me is blasphemy
I see things so very clearly
The fabric of our world is a tapestry
It's woven togeather so perfectly
Only the strongest of us live our time in agony
Those in the abyss view the world so differently
For some of us this is no fantasy
But this doesn't need to be a catastrophe
If you just look at it rationally
In the rabbit hole we learn empathy
While others wander around aimlessly
And on that day we escape gravity
We will be granted amnesty

Truth and lies
Destin to collide

Trust it died
It couldn't survive

Falling faster than I knew I could
Dreaming of the things that should
Now in a living nightmare
Of things that really scare
Never put my heart on the line
But I did now look at the sign
It's tied around my neck
And I'm feeling like a speak
I could never be so cruel
How could this to me you do
I'm a kind hearted soul
That now doesn't know wich way to go
Death seems the most restful place
This world I just can't seem to face
I lay here in my bed
Replaying all the loving things you said
Only to ended it all so abrupt
Not even giving me a chance to speak up
All I want is a why, some closer
So I can move on, I'm feeling like Oscar, I just want it over
Thrown into a trash can
I really thought you was a true man
How was I so blind
Why in the end was you so unkind
I would never hurt anyone
But I guess in this world this is the way it's done
So I don't want to be in this world
Everything is so blurred
So please can someone tell me what to do
Because this I just can't seem to get through

Come here please
I want to whisper all my pleas

I'm tired of screaming
Things that have no meaning

Falling on ears
That can not hear

Searching for the broken hearted
That so long ago departed

Come here please
Things are never as they seem

You sit there and tell me all of your thoughts
Of how she always leaves you ******* in knots
How you really love her, besides she's so hot
Then you tell me how you all fought
She's marrying another, it's leaving you so wrought
But still when she calls, you run like hell
So why do you keep complaining, please do tell
I am your friend
And will be to the end
But if your looking to me for some Validation
I'm sorry but my train doesn't stop at that station

Maybe I should of ran, and dashed
Grabbed your gun, when I had the chance
I'm trying to keep the burning tears behind my eyes
Trying desperately to maintain my disguise
I know you don't see what I really could be
Or loaded guns you wouldn't have left with me

My actions where becoming feral
As I put in my mouth the cold steel barrel
But this being your gun, and the blind trust you showed
You seeing me with the back of my head blowed
Pieces of me
All over the trees
Well.....I couldn't let that be
So I removed the gun from my mouth, put it away
When you came back I smiled like it was just any other day

**** the happy people that depression never struck
**** the happy people and all of their good luck
**** the happy people who've never known this strife
**** the happy people who've never used a razor or a knife
**** the happy people that the monsters never came
**** the happy people with no voices in their brain
**** the happy people that with the universe they have no gripe
**** the happy people and their ******* happy lifes

Have these feeling and they're all wrong
No sleep again all night long

Don't mind the blood splattered on the walls
Or on the floor, from my hand where it falls

It's nothing really just the same old song
My demons just wanted me to sing along

I use to say
Way back in the day
No one was gonna see
All that is inside of me
But my mask grew heavy
The darkness swelled, broke the levy

Bleak outlook
In life I'm but a rook
Feathers black as night
Only sent to cause strife
No one dares to come to close
My past is leaving me in the throes

Darkened days
Futures in a blaze
Other's eyes only seeing
The very darkness of my being
My dreams combust and smolder
Deaths hot breath is on my shoulder

Tired of the toughts, tired of the fight
The drugs win out again to night
Please don't look, I'm such a frightful sight

At lest I didn't give in
To those haunting voices again
I guess I can count that as a win

Now I'll just lay here feeling nothing but numb
In my cranium there starts a hums
That soon turns into sounds of drums

That will soon lure me to sleep
So my secrets I can keep
With the drugs I can bury them deep

Run, Chicken Little, run
That angry black sky is crashing down
We're standing in front of the gun
No safe haven to be found

Run Chicken Little, run
The ground is shaking
Threatening to shallow us, and be done
Can you feel your heart with fear quaking

Run Chicken Little, run
The meteors are hitting the earth
Legs feeling like they weigh a ton
This world is gonna shake us like fleas off her back and have a rebirth

Run Chicken Little, run
The waters have all turned to blood
Look in the sky, black is the sun
Soon we'll be covered by the mud

Stop Chicken Little, stop
There is nothing we can do
This may be our last day, it's all we've got
Useless endeavors no longer need pursued

Stop Chicken Little, stop
Lift your head to the sky
Don't kneel, don't drop
Look with open eyes
There will be no meteorite to climb on top
There will be no escape, no disguise
Off this planet we can not hop
Stand tall as you meet your demise
Greet your death with a warriors cry

Two broken souls
Trying to make each other whole
They were quite a mess when they found each other
Each had lived through torment, one after another

Her body was full of scars, just trying to maintain
His heart had been trampled and drained
They gave each other their own heart
They found it filled in all the parts

And together they where whole
They where connected, soul to soul

Her with all her worries of the future
He always tried to hush and nurture
He would slay all her demons and doubt
She showed him what true love was all about

They loved each other so
Like they had known each other long ago
They lived joyfully for many many years
There was only ever joyful tears
Until that one horribly sad day
The Lord took her away

On that day his true love died
He just wanted to be by her side
He just seemed to wither away
Without her by his side he didn't want to stay

Soon after he passed too
Even in death his true love he would pursue
They say he died of a broken heart
But I know it was because she had his missing parts

Mister Sun light my way
You've been away to long
In the dark is where I've stay
Sorrow is my only song
I could use some fun today
But I fear soon I'll be gone

I'm so tired of the tears
I'm so tired of the lies
I'm so tired of the fears
I'm so tired of all the sighs
I'm so tired of all these years

I just want to lay down and quit
I don't want to stay here
I just want to exist
Life is what I fear
It only gives me ****

Cut my wrist, make them bleed
Throw this shity live aside
Swallow these pills so I no longer breath
I just so very much want to die

It's on the tip of a dragons tongue
     The reason that we run
It's on the bottom of the grizzly bears paw
     The reason that we fall
It's the the sharks mouth full of razors sharp teeth
     The reason that we weep
It's in the belly of the beast
     This is where we sleep

She whispers to me in the dead of night
I scream for her in the bright daylight
She's my sweetest siren, she sings  a fatal song
Such a rush, falling headlong
In her embrace nothing can go wrong
With her venom, I feel I belong

With a single fang
She spikes my vein
A sudden rush
The quiet hush
A body sigh
Touching the sky
Nodding out
No voice to shout
Wonderful phenomenon
Worries gone

She whispers to me in the dead of night
I scream for her in the morning light
Responsibility she slays
Chases memories away
My beautiful queen
Erases what I've seen
I have succumbed
I have become
In every way
Her prey

A man of pain
A man of Cain
Entered my life
Like a two edged knife

Fist decorating with bruises
There is no release, he refuses
Sleep is denied, mind turns to mush
No escaping, till my breath is hushed

My death is there within his eyes
Air shut off, harshly denied
Hands wrapped around throat
Till mind shuts off, then floats

©Pauline Russell

Like a mighty hurricane
Your memories play about my brain
Bringing forth both happiness and pain

This is what follows
When pulled under by the sorrow
My mind your absence trys to grasp
Breath quickens, to short little rasp
Heart beating at such a rate
It threatens to beat through my breastplate
Butterfly feelings, makes my stomach twirl
Like millions of delicate wings in a swirl
Sleep refuses to invade
All the memories with you I've made

Then the tears start to slide
Slow at first, like they're trying to hide
The shoulders that shake
Till my whole body quakes
Trying to keep the whimpering moans inside
But the wail breaks forth, with the pooling tears coincide

Every feeling for you is amplified
Every moment magnified
To your memory forever chained and enslaved
You left my heart engraved

I found a bean in my room
Hope that means I'll be leaving soon
If I plant it in my carpet
And put an X to mark it

Maybe if I sow
Maybe it will grow
And have a great stock
And for a moment I'll just stand and gawk

Maybe it will grow into the sky
Past where the birds fly
Up past the clouds
Where humans are not allowed

Then like my old friend Jack
I'll pack me a sack
Then I'll start my climb
Up that big sturdy vine

At the top I wonder what I'll find
Will it be peace of mind
Will my giants all be slayed
Will I finally be unafraid

I want to be above the grind
And all of mankind
So I planted my bean and watered it well
You can see it's starting to grow and swell

The roots start to snake
Making my floor quake
But it didn't grow up, but sideways instead
I looked at it with dread

Even my daydreams
Are not as they seem
But nightmares ensues
My lovely dark muse

When it's my time to go
My spirt from my body will flow
It's off to the crematorium, I know

Don't hold on, just let me go
My ashes just let them flow
I'm no longer here, this you know

©Pauline Russell

Pressure is building inside my skull
An intense dulling lull
To much to much
I'm about to be crushed
It's starting to humm, it's starting to buzz
My thoughts are begaining to fuzz
Past anxiety straight to panic
My actions are starting to become manic
So pass me my drugs
Because my Babe's not here to smother me in hugs
I've got to do something, I'm coming undone
And before long I'll be under that **** gun
Then it well be fire at will
Test your skill

Sitting on the soft floor surrounded by white
Hugging your self wither you want to or not
The light is so very, very bright
In your head your screaming stop

Because they're buzzing so loud
And it's the only **** sound
But the voices in your head are starting to crowd
In your brain they are circling and twirling around

How did I end up here
I don't remeber a thing
There is nothing at all that is clear
Did I finally snap, that one final little string

Oh those ******* lights won't they stop
My voices yell in unison, it's causing them pain
That buzzing is gonna make me blow my top
If it don't stop, the buzzing will dive them insane

And if they go nutty what will happen to me
**** it's been hours, or has it been minutes
I'm not sure, seconds it might be
I'm being pushed past my limits

Still, tho I can't see a clock
I can feel time ticking by
Or maybe it's not
I would know if I could see the sky

But that is impossible so I just rock and I sway
The buzzing has now become my back beat
I know it's been years now, or maybe just days
I can't tell this room is dripping with deceit

I know when they open that door
Drowned in my own drool
Right there on the floor
Just another crazy fool

Late last night within my dreams
Chasing the wind, it showed me scenes
How it carved the mountains steep
Made the canyons very deep
Showing me cities centuries old
Glittering in the sun layerd in gold
I watched as the wind carried the sands of time
Burying the cities up, it felt like a loss it felt like a crime

I chased the wind so very far, I had to know
How do you pick where and how hard to blow

"Child by now you should see
I am not in control of me
Like every force of nature, we harken to His voice
What I do is His choice
From the gale winds that tosses ships
Or tornados that through communities rip
I'm the cool kiss on a soldiers sweaty brow
At their feet I spread the sent of death so foul
I touch every single blade of grass
Flowers nod a greeting as I pass
I do my masters bidding without question
Every single thing is but a lesson"

"Brace my friend, Your Winds of change are about to be
You'll no longer have to go chase me
Begging the creator to let it be good just this once
To let you taste happiness and joy in abundance
Through way to many years I have watched you cried
It saddens me all your tears I have dried"

Though you will look but never see
You will always fell the essence that is me
I was your first breath of life, that first pain filled cry
I was there every step, every stumble along your journey, I promise to be your last sigh

©Pauline Russell

It was dusk when we reach the village
It had been plundered and pillaged

The knight asked me to put out the fire
I did knowing another brand on the outside would expire

With every good deed
Planted another wickedly evil seed
And that I sure didn't need

It was now dusk
And the Evil Lord's army was making it's ******
All across the horizon you could see their armor of rust

The villagers scattered
But there was no where to run, the knight screamed "take care of them, that's all that matters"

"No it's not you stupid man
Look at that witch that with the Evil One stands"
I heard her voice in my head "I am the true black Witch of these lands"

Out numbered and out matched
Ten thousand demon warriors were dispatched
When I thought all hope was gone in the sky I happened to glance

It seemed to be on fire
I thought this is the end, our situation dire

To my surprise LEANA had brought all her mighty dragon friends
With excitement I thought this might not be the end
We might even win

The sky was full of the greatest dragons
The land full of wicked dark phantoms
The villagers screaming it was more than they could imagine

And in the midst of it in a surreal moment I heard my loving knight say
"That other witch that's coming our way
Looks just like you" it was true I'd have to say

I had found my mother she was the worst
For placing on me this curse
That worked in reverse

For after this battle I would be just like her, a black hearted witch
From good to bad I would switch

No time for these thoughts
I prayed to Aris "save us from our foe"
Then my attention was turned toward my knight hero

"Let the river of time flow
Let my kight go
Straight to the heart of the matter
Let all of the demons scatter
Let this fight not rage on to long
In the end the hero will sing his victory song"

With this spell cast
I turn my attention to the last
All the villagers huddled in one mass

The dragon's swooped down gobbling up all that could be found
Demon and villagers alike
They where not in this for the fight
They cared nothing of wrong or right

The smell of rancid smoke filled my nose
The crunching of bones filled the air, this is not what I chose
Blood and guts flowed from the sky onto me, covering me in crimson red, I froze

The heart has no bones, but I heard it shatter
The day you turn and walked away, I heard the clatter
I heard it plainly over the,"I still love you"that I muttered
Now I'm left with all this clutter
Where did your fiery love go
I'll never understand, I'll never know
I shut my eyes to my new reality
Because behind my eyes you with me is all I see
I don't want to live a life that your not in
So I shut my eyes for the very last time,I will never open them again

Mom always said not to frown
If I'd had something to be happy about, my smile wouldn't of been upside down

Now on my brow
Is a permanent scowl
Chiseled in stone
From when I've grown cold

People complain about crows feet
But every person like that I meet
I can't help but see smiling eyes
A happy face has always been their guise

Maybe their an optimist always seeing the glass half full
Boy wouldn't that be a useful tool

But it's hard not to be a pessimist when your glass is always empty
Not even for my thoughts a penny

Even when there is some hope and I think my cup is getting full
The powers that be shows me to be quiet a fool

They knock my cup over to watch me run
Like a little bug under their gun

Is it to much to ask for a little fun
To see a little more than the midnight sun
So on my face a smile can bleed
Not just temporary happiness that misleads

Grabbed by the hair
Drag through the dirt
Blacken both eyes
Break my bones, I don't care
Kick the ribs
Stomp on my head
Grip tightly my throat
Until no screams I give
Slap my face
Wake me up
Throw me in the box
Just another missing case
Bury me alive
Throw the dirt on
Hearing all the scratches
No way to survive
Listen,  no sounds
Place the leaves back on
But be careful where you step
For now it's haunted ground

I'm standing on the ledge again
How did it all begin
I was minding my own business
But it struck with such quickness
Where did that razor come from
I'm afraid I might succumb
It was like magic it just appeared
The temptation to pick it up is something to be feared
Because if I do I'll slice from ear to ear.

I've given up on love
I'll stick with my drugs
I've given up on humanity
There is no remedy
I've given up on happiness
For I found it hapless

I've given into brutality
It is my new reality
I've given into sadness
This feeling is ravenous
I've given into loneliness
I just need to process

I've sunken into my darkness
Ready for the madness
I've sunken into the sticky mire
Nothing left to acquirer
I've sunken into the agony
No where left to flee

The stars up above are spinning
The moon is glowing bright
This feels like a beautiful beginning
As our embers reignite
I can't stop my grinning
When I talk to you at night
Our feelings have no ending
Our love is oh so right

A weird vibration coming from the ground
Shakes me from the vision I had found
I glance at the demon's horse, but he is not the reason for the sound

A bright light flashes before my eyes
I turn my attention back to the sky
It had been the sun glittering off the dragon's silver laced wing's, on every up flap rise

She is circling, she had heard my chanting song's plea
It looked like she was going to trust me
And my heart felt chant she would heed

She slowly and softly starts to descend
I tell the knight to keep his sword sheathed, this mighty beautiful creature I would befriend
The air rushed violently around me as her wings she fully extended
LEANA stood now before me, I begain to speak in the tongue of the dragon's so she would full comprehend

I was surprised to see her flowing silver main
And pearly white scales covering her body, and even the tail had the same
They threw off rainbow colors in the sun, and with her silver threaded wings make other dragons look lame

I tell the great dragon of our plight
And that the dark lord we are prepared to fight
But to secure that he will never again walk the world at night

"We need your help we need a part of you
I hope there is a way you can see your way through"
LEANA nodded yes and lifted a few scale plates used her sharp claw to cut her fleash pulled out one rib, I watched as another one in it's place grew

She handed the rib to me as the kight lifted his sword
Was he so stupid my warnings he had ignored
But I caught a flash of movement, it was demons he was racing towards

There was a cave system I had not seen, that's what the vibrations had been
The thousand demons stomping through them
Our future was looking grim

He fought them till he was covered in their blood he did so gallantly
But still a hundred at lest had jumped on the dragon's back and was ripping her apart so savagely
I used the wind and exploded all of them from within blood and guts flew I stood with face flushed, I stood there so angrily

My vision had come true, LEANA was drawing in lifes last breath
Saddness overwhelming me I did the only thing I knew to do, I pulled out the talisman I kept close to my chest
I pressed it hard to her breast

I knew with that single action my life would be cut short
For I had given her part of my life sources
But I had to she had given to much to stop on this earth the evil force

As my spirit flowed into this creature that carried no sin
Another brand with white hot pain sunk in
I could feel the evil sink below the skin

I could feel it course through my vains
The knight rushed over,on my face he seen the pain
And all my color drain

The mighty dragon let out an ear splitting cry
Took to it's wings and disappeared into the sky

I collapsed into the knight's arms
He's eye betraying his growing alarm
I could tell he loved me and was afraid I had came to the demons harm

Laying here with my arm's across my chest
Just hugging myself
For there's no one here to hold me
Tears cascading, I can't see
No one here to comfort me
No one here to care
Only me to pick myself up when I fell
When I fall
When I hit the wall
No, no one here at all

Halloween will soon begain
People will be wearing fake masks with grins
But I'll be walking around in my own skin
For I know what resides within

When the Halloween weekend finally resounds
I'll let him out to roam around
To scare everyone in this town
Even the corpses under ground

My beast doesn't need the moon to come out
A little liquor lets him walk about
Just so you have no doubt
He feeds off every scream, every shout

He'll make the children never sleep
Make grown men cry and weep
He will sow and he will reap
After all to him your sheep

With all of his story he was gonna tell
There was an uneasy silence that fell
I could feel the breath in his chest swell
With the leather squeaking he turned in the saddle, "now it's time for your story to sell"

With a glint of hatred in my eyes, I quickly gave a summary
Of my life and my misery
For part of my life even for me was still a mystery

I told of my mothers ****
She couldn't stand to look at my face
And how I was passed from place to place

The frightened wide eyes of a child
That after being defiled
By every gypsy man
Till she could no longer stand
Then the steel, heated yellow, red hot tip they left the symbol brands

That left my skin burnt and marked with evil but it didn't sink below
For empathy was the true curse on my soul

I told him I studied hard and now had great power
I could disembowl, I could make it come a blood and gut shower
But my heart and soul have to much compassion, so insteed I just cower

In my woods where no one would go
And myself to no human I had to show
"Why did you kight ventured into my woods"I want to know

"I need to know why I am now hunted with you
If we leave this beautiful evil steed, will they stop the peruse
There is a quest of my own I want to do"

He replied "No my beautiful hearted witch they will not"
At his words my heart seemed to stop
And to my knees I almost droped

No one exspeacally a man
Had ever said anything so grand
It made my legs week, hard to stand
He looked deep into my eyes and took my hand

Which of course I snatched away
I could not belive the things he did say
Besides it was begaining to break day

We found a cave in which to rest
To sleep in the day and travel by night would be best
For the veil evil couldn't stand the sun, or at lest that was my guess

As we lay down on the moss covered stones
He touched my hand again, and from my lips escaped a moan
My feelings for him had grown

Just as things are coming together, it falls all apart
It starts in the mind, but ends with the  heart
At the end of the rainbow, what is found wasn't sought
When the beginning becomes the end, simply restart

©Pauline Russell

The rain comes splattering in through my window, like a thousand cool tiny kisses

My skin glisten

It begins as the sun goes down in the coal black inky darkness of night

Layer of fright

Thunder so loud it rattles the windows, shakes the room

Sonic boom

Bright white hot lighting splits the night into

Darkness resumes

The rain pours down trying to drown everything, that's for certain

Glistening wet curtain

The wind is bending the trees to it's will, making house shingles fly

Look to the sky

Destruction is on the horizon, The finger of God is on the ground

No safe haven found

The funnel cloud again ascends into the heavens, leaving behind a shattered earth

What's the cost,the worth

The morning light brings silence, only the sounds of the mothers crying

The fathers sighing

Broken boards, tattered dreams, toppled trees

What's become of me

You'll find my body in the field, I road the winds, soul ripped from my mortal shell

**** up to heaven, thrown down to hell

©Pauline Russell

Alone again, on the same furrowed land
Knees trembling to much to stand
I find my feet firmly planted in quicksand

I'm sinking yet AGAIN
There is no need to pretend
My situation is to much to comprehend

I'm tired of all the abuse
Forced into being a lonely recluse
I once again raise my flag of truce

This suffering is way to much to bear
So I let go, raise my hands into the air
To an uncaring entity, I offer my last prayer

I hear the last toll of the bell
As the tears in my eyes swell
Sinking into my own personal hell

I watch my life slowly dissipate
I listen to the last beat beneath my breastplate
I could no longer carry the weight

©Pauline Morris

Black slimy books, black slimy words
Black slimy fingers cramed them into a black slimy worlds

In my cracked up mind those slimy black words sunk in
This is how the end will begain

Blackbird sitting on my windowsill
Wait for me to seal the deal

Those black slimy words soon accumulates
They become black slimy books, my imagination stimulates

The black goat waits outside my window patiently
As the black sheep walks around aimlessly

The black slimy books have now become blood slimy pictures
Seen through my mind's eye with stricter
It was all becoming the perfect blood slimy mixture

The black goat has now donned his crown
He beckons me to come on down
To stand beside him on the earths ground

The blood slimy pictures are now a blood soaked movie in my head
That plays over and over and over, till I'm filled with blood soaked dread


So I seal the deal with the blackbirds blood
Emotions overwhelms me like a torrential raging flood
Then the emotions are suddenly gone with a thud

So if you are reading this you might see why
I left with the black goat, so dont you cry
Maybe I'll be back as time goes by

Tears like rain, on her cheeks is found
They are always there, falling down

The sorrow is etched in lines on her face
Still she carries herself with beauty and grace

She's always there when someone is in need
Happy to help with every deed

Yet there she sits all alone
Not even a place to call her own

There's no hero for her to call
She feels like a little rag doll

Kicked to the side
A downward slide

cobwebs of memories are forming in her mind
Twisted and contorted she is now misaligned

She's coming undone, seams ripping apart
If only someone would give her their heart


©Pauline Russell

I've broken through my outer wall
Only to find a cliff from which to fall
I think I'll run and jump
Maybe then my heart will pump
With an adrenaline rush of being free
Finally a smile on my face, a glimpse of glee
I know I'll hit the bottom, I always do
But this time there will be no need for glue
I'll savour the air passing by
I won't even close my eyes
I'll watch the ground rush up
This life was just to corrupt
Now I know whats on the other side of my wall
I'll leap instead of bawl

I looked upon this scourge of a man
I decided to build a fire here, he couldn't stand
At first I thought he was a scribe
But old filthy armor his cloak did hide
A knights is what is he's true brand
Maybe once he was a noble man
But now he smelled of smoke, despair, and other lands

His sword was layered thick with what looked like rust
But I could smell it was fear, blood and guts
Made me wonder if he was the evil ones hire
I crouched beside the blue licked fire
Trying to decide this mortal souls fate
Maybe I should leave him at death's soothing gate
When he awakens I will force him to explain
I'll make him tell me to who, and what he has caused pain
Because as I look upon him I feel my empathy grow
He unknowingly will decide the final blow

I call upon Nyx to hide me in her darkened misty veil
I'm afraid with the gaping wounds he is to frail
To see my branded scared body from hell

But as I sit and wait for him to wake
I feel the ground shake
And hooves that had the sounds of thunder
What I seen was a beautiful evil wonder
It was his horse, I caught it and tethered it to the biggest tree
It took a great talismans to make sure it didn't break free
It's coat was like diamonds dark as ink
On it's haunches was an evil stink
This beast was as strong as a thousand demons
It's fiery red eyes where just beaming


Why is he on his feet?
How can he see me?
I guess it's time to meet!

Why are you ******* with my head
It took me days to get out of bed
We were through, but here you stand
Flashing those eye's, reaching for my hand
What is this **** your trying to sell
You say you want to give me heaven, but all you show me is hell

Please oh please just back away
There is nothing to you I want to say
I don't want to see you at my door
No I can't stand to see you anymore
All you do is play your games
Get inside and **** with my brain
Everything you do only causes pain
I want no part of you in my life To remain
So I'll whisper a good by as I close this chapter
Because I already know what you're after

Light travels so fast
But the dark is always there to greet it
It's there before the first ray can be cast
It's a truth you can't omit

Before there is light there is darkness
Maybe that's why some are blinded by the light
For the dark has marked us
It's a truth you can't fight

For some the darkness never leaves the soul
Even in the sunshines
The dark still has control
Or at least it does mine

Like a car in hydroplane
Or a run away train
These thoughts of mine are off the track
Anxiety on top of anxiety stacked
There is no coming back

And my living corpse walked on
Walking in the perpetual dawn
Of all the things that have gone wrong
This is the wish that I will sound
I hope my body's never found
And I just melt back into the ground

Beats me
Why it seems I'm thrown into the sea

Beats me
Why my life has no glee

Beats me
Why no one hears my plea

Beats me
Why no one can see

Beats me
I'm just try to be