Born on the darkest of nights
For the stars hid their eyes from the sight
Of an innocent soul born under the bad moon
With the universe this child would never be attuned
In lifes garden, only pain, misery, and sorrow could bloom
From the very beginning this child's life was doomed

The stars wept that night
For an atrocity that wasn't right
The rain that fell on that child's soul
Was meant to comfort and console
The star's sweet tears quieted the wish to die
That only minutes old has already darkening that child's eye

The child grew up with a messed up childhood
Every night the step dad at the child's bedroom door stood
That curse of the bad moon
Made sure all happiness out of this life was pruned

The child grew up, found love, or so thought
Only latter to realize they had been caught
The grown child was caged and beaten daily
It was the depth of Hell, it almost drove that poor soul crazy

The stars held witness
As the winds of change bent and twisted
Rushing that soul from one tragedy to another
Leaving the child shaking under the covers

The child cried out to that wicked moon
"This sorrowful life you gifted me to soon"
"I never got to taste the pleasure"
"Or lay for a time just in leisure"
"You took happiness, the greatest of all treasure"

Everyday the child struggled through
What else was there to do
But everyday brought new problems the child did it's best to solve them
But it was a constant onslaught
Being born under the bad moon's sign, only agony was brought

The only relieve was at night, when the star's tears fell
It called to the child's soul like a bell
On rainy night you can find
The child's fragile body and mind
Stand out in the pitch dark rain
Letting all those starry tears wash away the pain
The strain
That resides in the heart the brain
The star's and the child's tears mix
As off the child's fingertips it drips

In the harsh light of day
Watch this child sways
Watch as the delicate steel soul dances to every blow
Taking the lumps of every thing thrown
It's hard to believe how strong this child did grow
But it's bones are brittle
To crush this grown child would take but a little

This child will never out live the moon's tattoo
There is nothing about it to do
Pushing on
Giving the illusion of being strong
Over to many problems it stumbled
Until the child's soul crumbles
Then the soul will rejoin the universe
Then and only then, in happiness it will be submerged

So take heed when the next bad moon wanes on high
You can hear the stars weep and cry
Pray your child isn't born in that night
That your child will not have to fight for a life that's unlivable
Surrounded in all that is miserable

If you was born under that evil moon
If the star's for you cry too
Do the best you can do
Dance in the rain of tears
Through out all of your years
In the stars sweet rain
It can wash away the pain
Letting you feel the illusion of sane

Depression claims another soul
Carried it down the rabbit hole.

I knew it was coming, I was settling into a groove
Thing's where going a little to smooth
I felt a first a small quaking
The universe's desire to **** ME OVER was awaking
Then life explode AGAIN on me,  all over the place
Now I'm standing here with the universe's **** on my face

I nearly forgot my broken part
Till you took a blowtorch and cauterized my heart
You devastated me, with your art

Don't think of yourself as smart
In love my brain from my heart  departs
I always put the horse behind the cart

Swimming in the sea of equilibrium
I want to stay here for the next millennium
Right here in the middle, not to low, not to high
Between the deep dark bottom, and the bright blue sky

You can come and join me
On this calm glass sea
We can float here together
Just falling like a feather
We can stay forever
In this tranquil sea of heaven

Slice it up, make it quick
It'll be done with just one flick
Cut it deep
I want it to do more than weep
Cut out the bad
Oops that's all I had
rivers of blood from me pour
Now I'm in pieces on the floor
I just couldn't take it any more!!

Years ago......today was the day I died
****** it to this wicked world to survive

I don't no where I was before this life
But I'm sure it was sweeter than all this strife

Because on that day at the window seal sat the inky black Crow
To witness the birth of another dead soul

Father Time, look what's become of me
Slowly you stripped away all the possibilities
Now I'm fragile and old
I'm growing cold

This live of mine is incomplete
Look a cliff,  I think I'll leap
Better to take the plunge
Than live a life on the run

For time has swept away
All the joys of the day
As silent as a thief in the night
You came and stole my sight

Now I see only shades of gray
Standing in the rains of decay
Gone are the years of yesterday

All I have are memories of a life survived
Of a life where happiness was deprived
So Father Time please make my time on this earth short
I'm tired of the way you distort

I welcome your friend, the reaper
The very first  keeper

There was a bird that grew up caged
It didn't know it should be enraged
It had seen other birds fly
Thought to it's self "they are going to die"
For from what it had lived and witnessed
It thought they must have a sickness
To make them fly
Way up there in the sky
In it's cage it was quite content
Never knowing what for, it's wings where ment
So it thought the other birds where more than bent

Are you like that little bird
Thinking that flying is quiet absurd
Are you locked in a cage of your own design
Content to live your life so confined
Take a closer look and open up your mind

© Pauline Russell

I don't want to kick the hornets nest
But I am felling quit depressed
And begaining to get awful distressed
There is things I need to express
Because my chest is really compressed
I know it's from all the stress
It will be hard for you to digest
But I have to get this off my chest
This problem must be addressed
I think it is for the best
That all of it is confessed
I know after I tell you, me you'll detest
But maybe that's for the best

Oooh never mind
I'll just keep these hornets in their hive
And stay in the shadows and hide

Wait
Please stay
Create
Long days
Lost
Without you
Cost
Feeling blue
Love
Is strange
Above
World rearranged
Wait
Please stay
Captivate
Make away
Afraid
You'll leave
Blade
Long sleeves
Blood
I'll grive
Flood
I'll cleave
Wait
Please stay
Devastate
Love, forever & a day

Every human life is ment to change us
Rearrange us
Come into our hearts and remake us

They called you unviable
Not saveable
To come into our arms you where unable

But you where already in our heart
Right from the start
You in our lifes will always remain apart

Not even six weeks in the womb
Gone way to soon
In our arms you maybe absent, but in our hearts and memories there will always be room

My precious little peanut

Red Rover, Red Rover
Is long ago over
As submachine guns are now slung over our children's shoulder

Hide and Go Seek
Is not for the meek
Now it's played by survivors or victims, the out look is bleak

London Bridge is Falling Down
Wouldn't actually hit the ground
But in today's reality there is probability to be found

War was played with cards
Now human life is of little regard
Open up your eyes, for war is now in  our backyards

©Pauline Russell

When we found each other I thought my life had changed
Only to find out later my life is still the same

No love, no light
No guidance out of the night
Still at the bottom of the hole
So I had to make you go

You didn't fix my broken heart
You just scattered the parts

I once thought you could bring some life, to this corpse mine
But as the time went by, all I could find
Was agony of the longing
You let me know in your arms I wasn't belonging

I feel in love with the sexually bliss
But afterwards I was always dismissed
No warm cuddles
No happy snuggles

Just a cold shoulder
As you rolled over
No kiss good bye
In the morning out the door you would fly

I'm not much
But I have a hunch
I deserve more
Than to be hurt to the core

You left me in a place I deplore
Once again left beating on loves door

Full Knowledge

I need to find some where to de-stress , to hide
Before I break, and leave this side
I feel the noose, it's lowering
I see the shadows it's throwing
Images of things to come
When finally pushed beyond, and I succumb
A few more inches
Skin slightly flinches
Soon to be around my neck
Doesn't matter,  we're but specks
Why continue to balance on the razor edge
When you have full knowledge
Tomorrow will be no better than today
And today was worse than yesterday

Copyright: Pauline Russell   10-5-16

Something feels all wrong
Like the banging of a gong

The winds have shifted
See how far I've drifted

The sun's been misplaced
The moon's in a race

The stars don't align
But I'll be just fine

Although I try to fight them
Thoughts of his invasion
And of how he was so ******* brazen
Keep hijacked my mind
I know what I'll find

I don't want to look
I dont want to open that book
I don't want the memories
It just fosters my disease

He destroyed my sacred place
He knew that was my space
So cool and calculating
So patiently waiting
Knew when to strike
Out in the woods he'd make me hike

******* stop I scream to myself, just stop
Put those **** memories on the chopping block
Bury them down deep, and hide them
Or your sanity is gonna be looking grim

Think of happier things like butterflies, birds, and bees
Maybe it'll be easier than it seems
But my birds turn to buzzards
My bees die cuz my butterflies are bad *** *******

I'm tired of reaping another's bad actions
This kinda **** just shouldn't happen
But it does all the time
And cops don't give a **** about this kinda crime

So what am I to do
I feel like throwing in the towel, I'm trough
I'm tired of waiting for happier times
Of trying to patch together a life that doesn't rhyme

Time stands still again
Then rewinds from within us
As we reminisce

As he held me in his warm loving embrace
He so feathery soft and ever so gently let his fingers trace
The new ink mark that use to be a branded scar on my face

He looked bewildered "what is this how did it become tattooed"
I spoke softly still weak "I do not know, I'm confused"
The evil pulsing throughout making my insides feel bruised

"My darling Witch where did the brand go"
I was to scared to tell him where the evil now flowed
I didn't want to tell him it was now inside that thorough my skin it had sunk below

I am beginning to realize what really was the curse
It was going against all I had ever felt it was inversed
And this stirring of evil was so unlike my compassion, it was so much worse

I was starting to see that with more good deeds
The branded evil symbols sunk below and off my soul it feeds
Will his love pull me through will it be all I need

We rested but for a little while, knowing that the Dark Lord was on his way
On this mountainside we could not stay
There was to many tunnels and caves, I could tell from the sun the day was starting to decay

I mounted our skittish dark ride
I sat in front the the knight behind
The rib from the white dragon we tried to hide

The knight had fashioned it into a sharp sword
So it could pierce any armor any flesh, for it was pure evil we where racing toward
I had seen in a vision it was going to be a great wicked horde

I prayed to the God Itus for protection, what we where facing was immense
Even under me the demons horse it's muscles tense
The look in the knight's eye's was extremely intense

I had to ask why that particular dragon he said "because she is the sister to the dragon of the moon
LEANA slayed the demons in ones sleep, her bones the light consumes
And to the suns light the Dark Lord was not immune"

I looked at him puzzled "but the sun does not shine at night"
He replied "yes dear Witch it does, the moon has no light of it's own it reflects the sun's light
And once stuck in the evil one he can not pull it out, and the bone collects the rays and against it the dark can't fight"

We was now almost off the mountain, we where headed to the flat land
That is where I'm afraid will be our final stand

In the distance we can see a village, black smoke was bellowing like flames where being fanned
We headed towards it a stop unwanted, unplanned

On a cold winter day you could of found him here
Standing on the corner of 44th and Vine holding out his cup to anyone that comes near

"Brother can you spare a dime"
Most rush by they don't have time
No time to care about their fellow human
"He'll spend it on alcohol" most that paid attention was assuming

But what he really wanted was just enough
That even though he was looking gruff
He could go into the dinner and buy a cup
Sit awail and simply warm up
Maybe even dream a bit
Of how his younger years where spent

For at one time he was a son, a brother
Long ago his siblings moved, and alone he had buried his mother
At one time he was a husband, a Dad
But they left him all alone they were all he had

The fall had been slow
Inch by inch he had slowly let go
Now he finds himself ***** and haggard
Knowing that nothing at all mattered

His face is weather worn and wrinkled, a permanent frown
A battered, worn thin sock cap is his crown

All he had in life was on his back to help keep out the cold
Of the frezzing December snow that bitterly did blow
By his side a little dog, his one and only companion
In that dogs eye's he was a champion

For any food he managed to scrounge
He always feed that mutt first, any thing he found
That's the way you would treat your best friend
He knew that wonderful dog would stay with him till the end

After hours of standing in the bitter wind he finally gave up
There was not even a penny, empty was his cup
No one had taken pity
He was bone tired and weary

So he simply faded into the darkness of the night
Crawled into his cardboard box pulled, up his tattered thin blanket, held his little dog tight
Snuggled close togeather the frezzing cold the two togeather tried to fight
The kind cop that always checked on him, found them both there in the morning light

The night time temperature had been to brutal
The *** and his dog's attempt to stay warm had been futile
The cop made sure they were buried togeather
So they would always have each other forever

They lay there in the paupers grave
To bad the human race was to busy to care, he was not a nobody, he could of been saved!!

We are the broken
We just want you to see through our eyes
What can happen when angry harsh words are spoken
We just wish to show the reason for our mournful cry

We want you to know that every single solitary day
We live a life full of grief and remorse
There is no healing words, nothing to say
Just watch as our life's have been shoved off course

There isn't a day we are not broken
Like the physically handicapped we must endure
On all that's been done to us we are  left choking
We have searched everywhere there is no cure

On this earth we will remain broken, there is no doubt
In public we suffer silently, in our holes we cry and we wail
Only sweet wonderful death offers a way out
We are as fragile as that shattered egg shell

Muddy and muddled
My brain is befuddled
Twisted and bent
Life wasn't heaven sent
Battered and bruised
Only ever been used
Torn and tattered
Now nothing matters
Diced and sliced
By life's ****** knife
Crushed and ground
No where to be found

The memory you left, grows like a cancer, a cyst
Makes me really really wish
You had just beaten me with your fist

But the pictures play over and over in my mind
It's been almost a year,yet I find
The agony has not lessened, but grown
It's the worst I've ever known

The pain is so deeply ingrained
It has left me maimed
I can't even cry
My eyes remain dry

Out in the woods you took my body, left my soul splayed
I left you 18yrs ago, yet I was still your prey

You ***** my body, ***** my mind, ***** my soul
But that was far from all, now in the woods I can not go
Even the thought of it leaves my bones cold

Now no more fishing,no more camping, no more hikes
You left me with new fears that I have to fight
What you did was extremely far from right
Memories, anger, anguish, and depression takes another bite

With no sanctuary, no reprieve
Now nothing at all in which to believe you shoveled me down to my knees
For now every sound,every smell,everything in the woods I see
Only flashes of savage  pictured memories

Standing here with the world upon my shoulders
As I watch my dreams ignite and smolder
The greenest storm clouds are encroaching
The city's on fire, on the horizon I can see it smoking

All I can see is flames, around me the fire's rage
I'm shackled in chains, locked in a cage
By the rancid smell, I'd say my soul has rotten
For I'm all alone, I've been forgotten

The fire rages on

Slowly consuming all my dreams until they're gone
With the weight of the world making me sink
I'm afraid I'm already over the brink

For my original sin
I'm paying again

For a choice I made long ago
When I was young and did not know

I did not know, loving someone
Could keep you under that gun

Let me set the scene
Of how he was so mean

I endured all his beatings
The only sound, my pleadings

Years spent in his prison
Under constant supervision

Found the key
Set myself free

It was years and years ago
But he still finds where I go

Moved towns and home
Trying to end his syndrome

His mother manipulated my kids
Now he knows where I live

Doors and Windows bolted down
A waiting game till he comes to town

Last time it ended with me in the woods
***** and bruised, because he could

This time it will end in blood and gore
Only question is, which end of the knife I will explore

Just leave me to live in this garbage
Because I've already been discarded
Like Oscar in his can
I'll be a grouch, a *****, for look at where I stand
Society has counted me unworthy
Has proclaimed I'm gritty, and I'm *****
So I'll climb to the top of this pile of trash
I'll scream out the truth, let them all thrash
For only those in the dark can see the true light
Only the broken know the true wrong from the right
In the midest of the fight is where we grow strong
So we can pull others like us along
For those not ruled by this worlds cash
Will ever be harmed by the stock markets crash
I know the worth of my fellow human
And when the world, by greed lies in ruin
We will climb out of the darkness where you've chased us
And in societies face, truth we will ******
For the darkness of man we know all to well
"For the meek will inherit the world" and love and light will prevail

My emotions
Are like the waves of the ocean
Forever turning
Forever burning
Sometimes I'm riding high
Sometimes I can almost touch the sky
Sometimes they drag me to the depths
Sometimes I just can't catch my breath
I tumble to and fro
Just like the frothy foam
That washes upon the shore
It's all a deafening roar
Some days I do my best to swim
Even with the circling sharks fins
But today is a day i think I'll sink
I'm way beneath the brink
I'm to exhausted, I think I'm done
Tired of living under the gun

Kick me over like a stone again
Stand in judgment of all my sin
Never knowing where I have been

Flip my pages, then tear them out
Never pausing for a single doubt
Defended to my roaring shouts

Take your aim and shoot me down
Make me spiral to the cold hard ground
Souls dying gasp the only sound

Standing over me, take your prize
My bleeding heart in quick demise
Not even once did you agonize

Not once were you concerned
About the leasons I had learned
Thrown in the fire to watch me burn

Your actions were more than brash
Got me feeling lower than Johnny Cash
As under you gaze I turn to ash

Like pac-man, I'll just keep gobbling up all those pills
Till I too,  just disappear

Like a lone tree standing on the ledge
Roots desperately grabbing on to the rocky soil
Time slips slowly by
One gain of sand at a time
It's roots are losing it's grip
And off the cliff it's starting to go
It's such a painful processes to watch
Please avert your eyes before the final pop
Of that last root giving way
At lest it could be said it held on as long as it could

She glances up from her work
Only to see people acting like jerks
So she put her eyes down
She dosen't need to see people acting like clowns
She goes back to her job wearing a frown
For her no where can hope be found

The human race for her has been void of truth
Only ****** lies have been told to her, even in her youth
Her eyes have done glazed over
She no longer searches for that elusive four leaf clover
Her feelings have been tucked away
In a cobweb drawer and that is where they'll stay
Her heart had slowly tured to granite
There was no one that would love her in this great big planet

Work is all she has to make her get up out of bed
But thoughts are always swirling around in her broken head

Every day she begged for death to come
But all that knew this told her, she was dumb

"Look at all the beauty on this earth that could be found"
She agreed the sights where beautiful and very much abound
But for her it was just an oxymoron for all the agony it surrounds

She feels like a freak in a side show
People just stand and gawk as her sorrow grows
So she buries herself in work untill she can go home
It's her safe little dome

She locks her doors and turns off her phone
She lets no one in, there's no one to hear her groans
She really just wishes for love, she's so all alone

I lost myself so very long ago
Tell me where can a soul go
When your still alive and breathing
While inside I am still grieving
Is there any hope of finding that part of me
I raise my voice to the heavens and plea
Is my soul hiding in the deepest darkest corner
It's been gone so long it feels like a foreigner
Without that piece of me I've just grown cold
How much agony can the human shell hold

Her name is ivy
She'd say "come on and try me"
She had an hour glass figure
Her breast couldn't get much bigger
With hair from here to there
You couldn't help but stare

She had skills in the bedroom
Made strong men weak and moan
When giving blow jobs
She always got her tongue involved
She was the best in the land
Even with just her hand

But once in her embrace
You'd lose track of time and space
A little piece of heaven wrapped up in hell
She would put you under her spell

They'd always begged for more
She just knocked them to the floor
For she truly hated men
But could make them *** and *** again

That was her poison
She toyed with their emotion
She poisoned their brain
For want of her would drive them insane
They had tasted the sweet nectar
Then could no longer get her

She drove many to take their own life
For they couldn't make her a wife
She grew wild and free
You can look but not see
She was the greatest find
But she was a poisoned vine

If you ever touched her you'd agree
The beautiful Poison Ivy

In the very dark of night
Where everything is out of sight
With a knife on pale white flesh
I made a creation, new and fresh
Bright and red I drew some reins
Trying to redirect the pain
Away from my swelling brain
So some sanity I might retain
But once I started I couldn't refrain
Knife sliced, blood flew
Laughter ensued
Now my body looks like tracks of a train
Everything still remains
Pain and agony I stubbornly retain
Nothing lost well ever be regained
Like the sand on the beach, I'm but a grain

I hide my pain so none can see
The monster dwelling inside of me
I call him rage, I call him pain
He's there to keep me sane

He keeps the evil people away
His blood lust you will not sway
He never has anything nice to say
He's been there since way back in the day

He was born one dark night
When I could no longer fight
And he's been with me ever since
He really, truly is my dark prince

So don't hurt me or try to make new scars
Or I'll turn him lose, and he'll make you see stars
I keep him chained with shackles
For with him resides great hackles
He loves to break bones and make them crackle

So if you come into my life
And your there just to cause strife
Lie, break my heart, or my body use
I'll turn him lose and you'll see true abuse
And when he's done, over your body I'll stand
He always does what I command
So don't try to hurt me or you'll find out firsthand

Lost and alone
I can do nothing more than roam
Looking for that illusive place to call home
Where I'm welcome with warm open arms
Tucked away from any harm
But that's a place of fiction, of fantasy
That glorious dream will never become reality
I know how the cards are stacked for me
Always a breath away from catastrophe

He was an emotional blackmailer
He'll always makes you feel like a failure
He lives off of emotion
He tosses you around like the ocean

He craves attention and pity
He's feelings are always gritty
He'll toss words around
He just loves his own sound
He is so ******* vain
And he loves to get inside your brain

He says he loves you then causes nothing but pain
The emotions he puts you through is so inhumane

He makes you feel sympathy because he's so sad
If you don't show enough empathy he gets very mad

He says he'll commit suicide
And you'll be sorry he died
Because it would be all of your fault
It's all just a part of his emotional assault
He loves to hear your plea
"Please don't do it babe" it fills him with glee

Emotional assault by every degree
He'll only love you if with him you agree
In every situation it's all about him
To think any diffrent would be the cardinal sin

With him by your side
It's a very bumpy ride
Love, hate, and pain
To him it's all the same
As long as he is the center of attention
None of your feelings can even be mentioned

A rollercoaster of feelings
Is what he is dealing
He's an emotional blackmailer because he has none of his own
He's empty and hollow just like a drone

So he lives off of yours
He'll break you till your on all fours
He just loves to see you broken on the floor
He'll pick you back up, just to knock you back down
In his little circus, you are his clown

And if you really love him
Your future is most grim

I'm the one that's supposed to be holding it all togeather
Making everything better
But the ropes are slipping
And the blood will soon be dripping
It's all about to splatter on the floor
I wish I could just turn and walk out the door
There's no where to hid
To many salty tears cried
Nothing to do but watch
In the depression's belt another notch
Seen it coming for months, no one to help
Bend over let life give me another whelp
Because who is there to pick up the one that kept it all togeather
The one that the storms they where supposed to weather
Who is there to help the one everyone turned to
The one that now can't pull through
Can you riddle me this
Where is my bliss
I need to know
The ropes about to go
With enough pressure even a diamond can crack
And I'm much weaker than that

I took off my mask
Why would you do that, you ask
Because this is me sad, lonely, and depressed
There is always a heaviness on my chest
If you can't handle it just step on back
You can't alphabetize me and shove me in a sack
I won't play that game any more
And all of my true feelings I'm gonna show
Maybe now I'll get true friends
Not just those that like me when I grin
And hell if not I'll just stay alone
Because I don't need fake, I've grown
So like me,or love me, or leave me alone!!

There in the belly of the city
Way down there where it's dark and gritty
Lives a very complexe man
There in his Window he stands
Watching the atrocities that parade down his street
He's seen the dealer's and the junkies meet
The homeless that set at their feet
The thugs that prey on the weak
Children abused,  made to be meek
It plays out every day of the week

He's seen it all
He's watched humanity fall
It's hard for him to digest
On this life's problems his mind rest
He knows there's not much that he can do
He watches and writes it all down, he's one of the few
Sent to bear witness to the inhumanity of man
To make us think of where in this life we stand

Yes he is a poet
He's watched it all and wrote it
He has a big heart
Which makes it hard to play his part
Of watcher in the tower
As those below cower
But his calling, well that he is sure of
To watch the dying of love
To watch the darkness closing in
To watch all of man's sin
To sound the alarm
Of humanity going wrong

He stands at his Window and cries out
But no one pays attention to his shouts
So he soaks the page with ink and tears
Hoping that at last somebody hears

©Pauline Russell

You introduced me to your demon, it was the only way to save me
But you knew as beautiful as she was, her touch was beastly

****** was her sweet name
She came and saved me from the pain
She lead me back from the ledge
She made still the razors edge
You knew the dance that she could do
She had saved you too

She knew how to comfort the bereft
She knew how to take away, what the agony had left
You knew she could comfort in her darken cress
She knew how your soul to undress
You knew I would want her more
You knew leaving her was more than a chore

You pried her nails out of the vains in my arms
Accepting her proposal would only bring harm
You knew if I stayed to long
It would all go wrong
For you had been there when she banged her gong
You had lost years in her clutch
All you wanted for me was just feel a small touch
Just to shift my gaze from the knife
To let my body and mind escape the strife

You knew her kiss was quite alarming
It would leave me with a longing
Once under my skin she would create an itch
But you wasn't ready to lose me to deaths dark abyss
So you let her give me just a kiss
Now the longing for her touch is not hard to miss




It was jut another demon I had to meet
Listen up you can hear her dark beat
It was just another door I had to walk into
To understand what others go through
The more darkness I endure
Leaves me knowing for sure
You can not judge another's plight
Or how they choose to fight their fight
In this game there is no wrong or right

Fluffy white clouds, sailing in a sea of blue
I never knowing, no I hadn't a clue
This would be the last day I would be seeing you

Got off work, went to your home
Door was locked so around it I roam
Peeking in the windows, rapping on the glass
Please just answer me, I shout out and I ask

I seen you this morning in the dawns haze
You looked so stressed, stuck in your maze
I made you promise you'd get some sleep
I laughingly suggested counting sheep
You gave your sweetest fake grin
Gave me a hug, turned around and went in

I whispered I love you as I turned to leave
I heard you heave a heavy sigh of relief
You was in the abyss
Company you did not want or miss

You was head diving for the bottom
Your mood fit the skelton tree's of late autumn
Your emotions where laid bear
You trembled like those trees in the cold morning air
Everything you had cared about, you let fall away
Just like those tree's did, all around you at your feet they laid
Everything you once cared about was in a slow rotting decay

You never answered your door that I pounded on
You was already gone
You left everything, even your phone
You took off all alone

You left no note
No sign of hope
One minute you was here
Now your gone and I fear
I will never see you again
I fear your sorrowful life you put to an end

But I'll never know
Which direction you decided to go
I hope your out living your dreams
That this is not what it seems

Dear friend I love you so
I really need to know
So out in your woods I took a stroll
Down to your favorite spot where the creek flows

But I didn't find you there
Babe where are you, you know I care
Relieved your lifeless body I didn't find
Wishing you had left a sign
Not knowing what happened to you
Is leaving ME cold and blue

Tears fall
For no reason at all
Tears rolling
There is no consoling
Tears cascade
Everything fades
Tears never ending
For there never was a begaining

Even though my soul is torn
With gaping holes and edges worn
I don't give a **** anymore
No longer wanting to settle the score
It's been to long
My will is gone
I lay down my sword, I lay down my shield
What's the use in what I wield
I only wound myself, that's where my demons hide
They're ingrained deep inside
For in my brain is where they dwell
All I can do is wish them well
For in my cranium is a living hell

Like a flint rock
You where my spark
And illuminated the dark
But I was blinded by the light
When I got you in my sight
And I could not see
What you where doing to me
I was caught up in the glow
Your pretty word's that flow
So you burned me up
You were so corrupt
So now I am just ashes

I'm facing down the beast
It's constant assault will never cease
It's ridged, but everything to it's will bends
Beyond this earth it transcends

It eventually leaves everything to rust and ruin
On and on it keeps on chewing
There is no stopping it, I'm only human
It's always there, always looming

In it's clutches there is nothing but change
It just loves to rearrange
Mountains it will not let stand
Oceans it will turn to sand

Every single thing, it touches and rapes
Even in the coffin there is no escape
It still munches and shapes

Dead and dying dreams, it leaves in it's wake
Everything it will forsake
It's always there to leave it's mark
In the light or in the dark

So while we're here ring the bells, let them chime
While there's still a mountain, climb
After all, you can't change time

The Christmas angel sat sadly on the shelf
She sat there all by herself
She had been sitting there for years
You could tell she had cried many tears
For she was covered in dust, except for the streaks
On her beautifully round cheeks

For there was no tree for her to grace the top
One year it wasn't put up, it just came to a stop
All the children had grown up and left
In them the Christmas spirit had been kept
They had always been the reason
The mother had decorated for the season
The reason the smell of cookies baking would fill the house
Now there is not even a cookie crumb, not even for a mouse

So the angel sat all alone
Watching how the darkness had grown
The mother no longer caring
Her sadness, over bearing
Every year it seemed to get worse
The mother feeling Christmas time was a curse
The angel trying to figure out how her cold heart to traverse
How to chase away the darkness and the pain disperse

Then like magic, one Christmas eve a knock on the door
What the mother saw knocked her to the floor
Her eye's filled with tears of joy
There in the doorway stood a little girl and a little boy
The grandbabies had came
Christmas would never be the same
Those tiny little arms held out to be picked up
Had more than over filled the Christmas spirits cup

With laughter and song
The put up the tree, it didn't take long
And the angel was dusted off
Given a kiss and placed on the top
Although old and slightly tattered
It didn't in the lest bit matter
They plugged in the tree, fingers crossed they hoped it would light
All those gathered round the tree gasped at the sight
That little angel had never shined such a bright brilliant light

A single tear rolled down the mother's cheek, the same time one rolled down the face of the angel
A tear of joy and of hope for the future, then the Grandmother scooped up the grandbabies Kimberly and Abel
Held them up so they could see
Just how beautiful that angel could be

©Pauline Russell

Headlights dimmed by sheets of rain
Driving in this is just not sane
Water stands on pavement like glass
Tries slicing through with a splash
Hydroplane.....a tree is hit
Maybe they'll think it was an accident

You can not see because of the light
It is way to bright
Let the darkness soothe your sight
Relaxe, stop your fight
Let the darkness end your blight
Welcome in the coming night
Make you forget the worlds snakebite
That left you feeling so contrite
In the darkness your fears you can smite
Let the darkness lift you upright
Find your wings and take flight
Then you will be able to indite
And sing through the skys like a meteorite

One, two, three
What the **** is wrong with me

Four, five, six
I think my mind is kinda sick

Seven, eight, nine
Pretending that it will be just fine

Ten, eleven, twelve
Into my past, please dare not delve

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen
My life's obscene

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen
A ******* crime scene

Nineteen, twenty,
On the ground my blood is plenty