Some days I ache for you, It’s a feeling beyond simply missing your presence in my life, but the way my heart would race, just knowing you would be around.

I know what happens if I cross this line, the cost  and the consequences, I’ve seen them first hand.

All those times I fell for you against better judgement, magnetized by your siren call, only to find myself sinking in the depths with no light to lead me back to the surface.

Unsure how I still find you alluring, knowing madness always ensues, the moment I feel the steady calm of a life worth living, I get the urge to feel the chaos envelop me.

Folding into a fire disguising itself as freedom from the mundane.

I have everything, more then I could have ever dreamed...

Would I give it all up just to taste you again?

They said these moments were fleeting.

The nights that seemed endless are already in the rear view. Heavy lids and sandbag limbs we made it through the days on fumes of caffeine and never ending love for you.

Lately, the middle of the night wake up calls have grown less frequent and I don’t mind them as much anymore, even in the haze of my exhaustion, candle burning at all ends, I relish the moments your tiny hands search my face for comfort, tugging at my hair like your favorite blanket as you slip back into the deepest sleep.

Mumbling incoherently until your sweet voice becomes steady breathing and you snuggle into me.

I know that someday I won’t be able to hold you like this anymore, I hope that you’ll still need me, but the reasons won’t be as simple, and my exhaustion will come from worry about a million other things you need and won’t voice.

That is the future, and I will handle it when it comes, but for now, I will absorb every second of this vulnerable nighttime ritual and try not to get frustrated by my lack of sleep and ever changing routine that is on your schedule.

I will capture every second I can on photo and video so that every so often, when I am ready to break, I can go back and reflect on how quickly this sand is passing through the glass, breathe deep and just enjoy this time with you.

Limbs pinned straight
Like a marionette
Still without hinges
Attempting to cross the room
The chemicals in my brain
Have caused a sudden paralysis
And a silence from deep within
Imagining the end in various stages
The dive and the impact
Of adventures from the highest standpipe
Unable to pass over the bridge
Without the fantasies triggered
By the signs meant to be helpful
Reach out to those
Grasping for their final moments
In a half assed attempt to stretch
Our mental health budget
Numbers are given to call
In our most desperate seconds
As if we would dial
Or cry out for help
Determined to crush
The voices commanding
To take life in our hands
And extinguish it
To ease the pain of the every day
The twisted interpretations
Of words meant to comfort
Nothing is as it seems
We are lost in the murk dullness
Of being unable to feel
Anything but this

Watching your mind work is enough,
Seeing you stop and stare in wonder as we gallivant through the city, makes me want to jump out of my skin with admiration for you.

Some mornings I wake up to the smell of coffee and the sight of you reading in the sunlight and I know I’ve truly made it in life, this is my destination, or at least the beginning of my road there.

I’ve noticed I’ve begun sounding like a greeting card lately and maybe that’s what you do to me, but I wouldn’t trade a single second with you, not even for a million epic pieces of writing.

You just make me feel light, like I’m floating, even though I’ve stopped caring about how much I weigh. Don’t laugh. You know it’s true.

The point is, I’ve never known a love like this before, but I wonder, why is it that when life hands me pie instead of lemons, I all of a sudden can’t write anymore?

24 hours had passed and I was in a hole, the darkness had consumed me and I couldn’t dispel it, what was going on? I had all of the reasons in life to be happy but the flashes were still coming by the minute, as I drove home that night, I imagined crashing, diving headlong off of the Ben Franklin, nothing to stop me but the thick unforgivable steel, and the thoughts of those I would lose in the process.
I made it home safely. Against a plight of thoughts that were tempting me otherwise. Into bed I go. Feeling like that was the only place I’d be safe. No sharps around. Nothing to harm me. I convince myself to stay steady and distract my brain. It’s time to fill my body with the cure, a hand full of pills and the coldest iced tea. They’re prescribed so what harm could they do. I’ll drift off to sleep and start a new day, filled with sunshine and the voice of my love, the fix I needed to climb out of this tunnel.
But the pills, they’ve turned on me, I feel my body start to shake and the numbness approach my lips, I can’t reach my slumber. And if I continue laying here, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me with the thoughts running rampant in my brain that night. So I decide to move, into the closest haven I can find myself while staying relaxed, a hot bath, not the lukewarm after thought, the kind that stings your skin and makes you feel alive.
I enter with an ahhh of immediate comfort, feeling the heat overtake me, realizing this is exactly what I needed to escape. But I’ve gone too far. The chemicals have overtaken me finally and I feel as if I’m drowning in this 2ft pool, deciding to escape as the world starts to turn, I’ve lost my grip on reality and nothing seems tangible, not even my feet on the floor, I go down the first time, feeling my bones crunch on the imitation wood, and I’m gone, everything is black and I wake up sweating, unable to stand,  spinning out of control.
I find myself in an army crawl trying to get back to the sanctuary of my bed. Imagining how silly it was to be contemplating an end just hours before when now I am literally praying for a way to hear the sweet voice of my heart in the nighttime. In the distance I see the purple sheets, I am almost there, falling repeatedly with my head against the tattered carpet. Wishing I had played my cards differently. Wishing I had remained stationary, playing solitaire in my mind until I had met Hypnos.

It was decided
Before we arrived
Shirts off
As we cross the threshold
Our mouths mashing
Our bodies crashing
Tripping on words
And each other’s shoes
Stumbling onto the floor
Rug burn and no regrets
working out
we’re finally working out
On the same page
For each and every sentence
Reading my body
Studying every footnote
Whispering meaning
Between the lines of me
Creating a new structure
Where there was none before
Using your hands
To build me up
As I feel my fingers etch
Works of art
Onto the surface of your skin
What we create here
Will go down in history
As the single greatest moment
Crossing every form of expression

Perhaps this is
of my own doing
But I own it
Reflecting on the moments
I promised lifetimes
Knowing our future
Would always fall short
Of what I dreamed it to be
Settling for almost there
But not quite
You held a lot of the characteristics
For someone I could love
And I made up the rest
Passing the time
With you by my side
Playing house
Pretending that you were the one
Claiming miracles
Secretly disenchanted
By the idea of your presence
Consistent and steadfast
Your words in regards to me
Came from the heart
Even though
Everything else was a lie
Falsehoods weaved
Through the strands of our existence
Crumbling swiftly
With every move we made
Moving forward in vain
Until I could no longer bare
The awkward silence
Poisonous resentments
The lingering deceit
All the words I never said
Come out all at once
In a explosion of bile
Liquid thoughts
I can not contain
Streaming in your direction
Until the acid of my withholdings
Melts you alive
And shows you the door

In the shadows of this room
Illuminated only by candlelight
We became liquid
Dissolving in the darkness
A chemical reaction
Resulting in the destruction
Of our composure
Rewriting our compounds
Until we fuse
Into a single strand
Of letters and numbers
Of thoughts
And untranslatable sounds
Fingertips working
My way through your construction
Mind calculating
The methods to solving our equation
Staring behind your eyes
Searching for the words
To write the story
Of what happens here
But there are no words
To recreate the mystery
Behind our explosions
The fated foundation
I placed within your structure

The days turn a bitter cold
Empty silence fills the air
Numbness envelops me
Lost in thought
Unable to inhale
Watching my last breath escape me
Entranced
Lost in the fable
Of how we used to be
Untouchable force
Expelling a light
Bright enough
to blind the world around us
Framed by a glass bubble
No one could penetrate
Besides you—-
You seeped through my skin
Found your home within my veins
Only to feel your demons
Sneak from beneath yours
Infiltrating us both
And the glass shattered
In perfect tune with my heart
The noise
A harmony of despair
As I realized I was no competition
I’d lost the battle before it had ever begun
Of the choices laid before you
I came second to only one
The dark mistress of your poison
The bottles on the bar
The call of the ice in the glass
The lure of a maniacal life
It’s all the same thing
At the end of the day I’m never enough
To keep you you coming back to me
Consumed by a world of fantasy
Where someday you’ll be royalty
And I am but a peasant
Worshipping at your feet
I am dismissed
In favor of illusions
I hope your illusions keep you warm

Pupils dilate
Heart palpitates
As my skin grazes yours
Stomach flutters
With every word you utter
As you come walking through my door
Intentions pure
Both of us floored
Your eyes sincere
With a body so revered
Thoughts so adulterated
Lustful and Saturated
Lips quivering
Goosebumps shivering
As I meticulously trace the lines
Of your collar bone, so divine
Devotion to this desire
Impatient indulgence feeding the fire
Framework consumed
By the pull of the moon
Madly muttering
High pitched stuttering
Hymns of fervor
Neighbors confuse with ****** ******
Raising my hand to your mouth
As I progress further down south
Learning your secrets
You tell me no lies
Never want to leave this
Echo of space and time
Pouring every ounce of my soul
Into watching you unfold
Blossoming effortlessly
Before my very eyes
I become hypnotized
Synchronized
Intoxicated by your scent
Following through with every intent
Injecting your body with no need to repent
Yielding to my advances
Here’s to second chances
This is our moment
So we might as well own it
Bet the bank on each other
Discovering my soulmate
My best friend
My lover

Electricity penetrates the air
Skin against Skin
I worship at her altar
Modern day religion
She is my goddess
And I am fully devoted
Breaking new boundaries
Tearing down walls
Bringing pleasure to the table
And stealing the oxygen from her lungs
Unwittingly releasing deep sighs
And nonsensical words
But they make sense to me
She makes sense to me
Every wish and desire
Clear to me like a story
I’d penned with my very own hand
I create her and destroy her
She brings balance and composure
Taking me by surprise
I am lost in the moment
But feel her immediately
Turning the tables
And turning my world upside down
I am rocked and my knees are unstable
Water at herr feet
She moves me
Like the pull of the moon
On the ocean tides

She Came Around the Corner

with calf high boots
And a million dollar smile

And floored me, INSTANTLY

Trembling
“From the Cold”
I said

When in reality
I knew the truth

I was SHAKEN to my core
At the thought that she could stroll into my life

She kissed me
before a
hello
As if we’d been waiting
Our whole lives for this moment

No sense in a Drum Roll
When the SOLO was where it was at

And we captured that instant
Finding the rhythm in each other’s lips
And discovering a home there

Unable to separate
For long enough to walk to the car

We Finally Made It

stalling to settle on a destination
Knowing we had already found it
In the eyes and lips
That stood before us

EAGER to continue the night  
She set her sights on a familiar place

But
I
would
have
followed
her
ANYWHERE

I was dying to learn more

Her childhood

Her life

Her story

The words she uses

How she talks with her hands

The way she can discuss anything

And know at least SOMETHING about it

It’s like she’s the authority on the universe
Based on life experience
And
she
has
it
In Spades

I sat across the booth from her
While she put creamer in her coffee
And I IMMEDIATELY fell in love

Nothing could have stopped me

As I learned what she was about
The intricacies that make up her soul
I found myself seeing us
As
so
much
more
Than just these minutes that pass
The ones that flew by SO rapidly
Until we were back in the car
Begging for ANY excuse
Not to go home

We never wanted that night to end
It was PERFECT

The kind you put away in a box
To show your children what love should always be

Our own PERSONAL Happily Ever After

Standing on the precipice of what was
And what could be
I am terrified
Tongue tied
Visibly shaken
And somewhat uptight
I am lost in translation
The channel between the stations
All static and no feed
The words between the lines
That no one ever reads
All black and white
Total absence of color
I’ve given up the fight
Remembering my mother
And her always wise words
That I consistently wrote off
And outright called absurd
While in the corner she cried
Over the disaster that was me
While on the road
I was off calling myself free
Trapped in the self imposed cage
The scorching depths that I called my rage
Unexpressed and explosive
Waiting for a steady target
The one that it could get the most of
And you just so happened to be it
Ready aim fire
The missiles of preaching to the choir.

Aching to walk around inside your mind
Read your thoughts by candlelight
Accidentally set fire to be the cause
Of sparking your deepest passions
In hopes that you’d find their root in me
That somewhere in the background
I would be the reason behind your words
The underlying theme
The inspiration for your greatest novel
The autobiography of you

In the comfort of your lips
I find Shelter in the storm
In the earth shattering cold
When my muscles ache
And my stomach trembles
I seek solace in you
I am both terrified and intrigued
By how we arrived here so rapidly
But I throw my hands up in the air
Because I know there is no point
In trying to return to a time before you
Now that I know of your existence
You are the only thing I see
Guided by your light
Blinded at the same time
To all of the negativity the world is hurling
In our direction
attempting to block our path
We walk forward steadfast
Hand in hand
Ready to face the day
Together

Curiosity has gotten me
Tongue tied
Twisted
Over the mystery of you
Wanting to know
Every facet of your character
Your mannerisms
And what makes you laugh
So I can strive to be that person
Every moment of the day
I am lost and swimming
In possibilities

There is no forbidden fruit
Sweeter than your lips
No passion greater
Than the energy
That surges between us
You linger
Close to me
To feel the electricity
But only long enough
To walk away unscathed

No matter how many times I tell you
You will never know
All of your blinders up
Walls built
Soundproof
So you can’t hear my heart stop
The second I see your face
And you give me advice
The kind a best friend shares
When trying to break your slump
But it’s you
Who causes my slump every time
Ignoring the signs
Running in circles for years
But meeting in the middle
When the timing somehow suits you
And I live along those moments
Walking the tightrope
Between wanting to love you
And telling you to simply *******

All of your one word answers
Fall on deaf ears
I’ve fallen apart
Disconnected
And I’m back at the start
When we would talk for hours
And laugh at all the same parts

Quarter till midnight
And there’s no one around
But the loudness of my thoughts
How did I end up here?
Lost
and without a soul who cares
Insomnia bordering on insanity
You seem to think
You’re the only one hurting
But guess again
The voices are louder now
And you aren’t here to stop me
From wreaking havoc on myself
And destroying every inch
Until there is nothing left
No remnants of the soul who broke you
No pieces to repair of the shattered mind
Nothing but ash
Praying devoutly that someday I will return
The Phoenix risen and renewed
The flames filled with rebirth
The flight guided by hope
That was once believed to be extinct

Washing my hands
Doing my ***** laundry
On rocks of regret
Wondering
Just what got into me
Crawling under my skin
Without my noticing
Catching me off guard
Unstable and insecure
You are the virus
Overtaking me from every angle
Until my brain is drowning
In thoughts of you
memories replaying on a loop
Wondering just how you got here
And how you’ve planned your escape
Or if you’ve decided to haunt me
Infinitely until I’ve returned to you
But that day will never come
Beaten and bruised
From the saga of our downfall
Unable to return
To the scene of the crime
The one where you mistook me
For some kind of fool
And fed me lies
Until I was choking on proof
Leaving me abandoned
Searching for the truth

Lost
In this moment
Where our lips touch
And the world falls away
Terrified
For the seconds
Where this ends
And we return
To the world
Released
From this spell
Cast over us
In those minutes of ardor
Consumed by each other
Blinded by the light we create
Ignorant to the circumstances
Uncaring of the consequence
Then the sun rises
And we find ourselves
Alone
Once again
Echoes of the night before
Haunting us
Creating an intense desire
Feeling wicked

Wanting so desperately
To give myself to you
Lost in the idea
That this might unfold
The way we’d hoped
Dreaming out loud
About the future
Knowing tomorrow
Is never guaranteed
Because we’ve been here before
Caught in the crossroads
Of who we are
And who we used to be
Searching the seams of each other
Hoping to find meaning
In the passion of your kiss
An explosion of sorts
Where our mouths crash
And the tide rises within us

Searching for validation
in all the wrong places
Dark spaces
Appeal to me
Moth
To a twisted flame
Glutton for punishment
Every day
Begins the same way
And by the end of it
I am a fool
Waiting patiently
For the days that never come
Where you can find yourself
Bare enough
To bare your soul to me

You make me want to kick and scream
Because I hate that I love you
and hate you all at the same time
Break the plaster
Shatter the dishes
Destroy the photos
Ensure there is no proof of us here
Because I believe now that love is a lie
A myth to get us all twisted
On reality and illusion
A trick to reel us in
When in truth it is a sin
The amount of destruction
That results from this word
Let’s start from this apartment
Then we’ll investigate the world
Love creates peace
But where does peace exist?
I’ve lost faith and I am petrified
Of what results from this loss of light
I punched a hole through the wall
And saw myself on the other side
A simple reflection
Terrifying when it comes through
Like a mirror
Existing in another dimension

Lost
Empty
Apathetic
Varying degrees of self hatred
Effortlessly breaking me down

Making me doubt
Everything we ever were

Asking politely
Let me be
Or learn to grow
Not digress
Existing in solitude is what I do best

Your assumption
As usual
Is incorrect
The line
where I don’t miss you
Because I was the one
who walked away
But I do
With every fiber of my being
The time
That never seems to pass
The scars that never go away
Your words that echo
The big picture I wasn’t seeing

Empty spots on the walls
Where our photos used to be
Orchestrated perfectly
To tell the story of us
Now the we becomes an I
And our stories have been smashed
Nothing but memories trashed
And discarded
In favor of dishonesty

Dents in the walls
Show my anger
At you
At this
At the destruction
Of a treasure
that was seemingly perfect
There was no way to measure

Everyone seeks but very few find
The relationship that I created in my mind
Built on lies and clever stories
The rust that corroded us over time

The silence is deafening
Even with all of the background noise
We used to revel in these moments
When a simple look was enough
Now we sit fidgeting
Attempting to dodge
Serious conversations
About the state of us as a whole
Apologies
There will never be enough
To take us back to where we used to be
When trust was second nature
And blind faith was our downfall

Tramping around the world
like you own it
Lace top
Short skirt
Fishnets
Knee high boots
Red lipstick
And a goddess complex
With a ******* attitude
Exuding immeasurable energy
Enough to entrap me
In spite of all the red flags
I follow you
Like a stray
Lost until I found you
Worshipping
Like the newest religion
Your body a scripture
Whose words I want to memorize

In the dim light of the street lamps
On a warm fall night
We spoke until we were spinning
On the wonder
Of how this hasn’t happened yet
Laughing until our faces hurt
Over everything and nothing at all
Passing back and forth
Stories of past adventures
And perhaps we’ve told them before
But this time seems different
There’s a spark in the air
Or maybe a gentle breeze
Either way we inch closer
Until we’re inches apart
Knowing this can’t happen
But enjoying the drumroll
Remembering
That we’re in the company of others
We sigh secretly
Not here
Not now
But maybe someday

Awake and Startled
It seems like the same time
Every night
Hearing the crickets
And the rustle in the trees
Listening to the clocks move
Calms me
Until I reach next to me
And find you absent
From my bedside
I would always wake you
For extra company
When these nightmares shake me
But lately these dreams
Have been about you
And you no longer hold my salvation
In your warm smile
The smile that twisted
Like the knife in my spine
Thinking we were indestructible
But we were playing in a glass house
And you enjoyed throwing stones
Reckless with your words
Careless with my heart
Struggling to repair
What you destroyed
Needle and thread
But not so nimble fingers
Sitting in front of a puzzle
Attempting to find the edges
To build some sort of foundation
But some of the pieces were lost
And we can’t begin to make sense of it
Or find the logical way to start again
Sitting in silence
2:59am
As all sound drops out
And this hits me like an avalanche
Focusing on fabrications
You’ve lost me in the lies
And I’m not sure
Where to find myself anymore

She hits the bottle
like she’s playing blackjack
Always wanting more
And inevitably losing it all

She stands in the remains
Of the destruction she’s caused
Filled with regret
Finding salvation
At the bottom of a glass

Coming home jubilant
To speak of all her successes
And all I hear is a buzz
The slurs in her speech
And lose sight of all else

Hearing loosely threaded stories
From that point on
Trying to find the holes
Where the honesty shines through
Knowing she’s far too happy
To be telling the truth

Filled with self loathing
Reeking of liquid courage
Losing her grip on what lies
She’s told before

She loops
And falters
At which point
I close my ears and walk away
Not wishing to waste my time
On tall tales and a tossup
No matter which side the coin lands
I’ve lost myself
In this battle with your illness

Lighting the candle at both ends
Watching the slow burn of the fuse
Waiting for the inevitable explosion
The one that blew our world apart
Leaving me seemingly lifeless
Hanging on by the ventricles of my heart
Shrapnel in every part of me
Attempting to inch my way
away from you
Without you noticing
Before you can stop me
With your empty promises
And never ending lies
That I fall for every time
Piecing myself together
And finding some solid ground
Learning how to move forward
From the destruction
in which I was starting to drown
Wondering
If we’re as toxic as everyone says
Or if upon introspection
We might be even worse
How do I sever these ties
Knowing that love is not enough
To save a sinking ship.

Finding it difficult
to find myself able
to have faith in you
anymore.

Every sentence
laced with lies
lost in loathed
lipstick.

There once was a time
where I took your
words as an oath
never to be broken
and thought the
truth never omitted.

Here I lie in the aftermath
shown the truth to be set free
shell shocked and shattered.

Meeting secretly
Stolen kisses
The thrill of being caught
Hiding in corners
Finding time between time
Any minute we could have
Was enough to explore
Share stories of our lives
Make this love deeper
Almost instantly
They say love at first sight
And I believe
Not because of physical attraction
It’s all in the eyes
Pupils dialate and hearts race
To the sound of the others breath
We escape this place
Where we only have moments
Finding a world
Where forever is possible
Never having to worry again
Taking my hand without fear
Knowing I will always have you near

Awake in pain
My body in the midst
Of fight or flight
And I choose to fight
This crippling anxiety
That has caused me to flee
For years I’ve lost count of
Remembering my childhood
Crying incessantly
But never knowing why
My heart would not stop racing
Now I know the truth
But I must state
Awareness never makes this easier
Feeling the panic swell
Gripping my muscles
Frozen
Flooding my brain
With unwelcomed memories
I believed I’d pushed past
Buried in the depths of my mind
Waiting for the moment
When my defenses were lowered
The minute I close my eyes to rest
The second I decided it was time
To shut off for the day
My stress picks up the signal
And shakes me loose
From my restful sleep

Discretely
Following
Activities posted
Dialing your numbers
Blocking my own
Hanging up
Just after you answer
Long enough
To hear your voice
The memories flood
Of all the times
You’d greet me fondly
Back when you treasured
My existence
This light and energy
Which has dissipated
Since you’ve gone
Lost in the translation
Of goodbyes
The idea
That you never
Want to see me again
Not of any fault of my own
But because you’ve found another
Someone
Who makes you shine
Without trying
As oppose to someone
Who spent every minute
Exhausting options
Trying to make you smile
As I reach your door
I realize
I can’t bring my finger
To your bell
Leaving you content
Hoping someday
You see what I was worth
Call me
Without hanging up
Just to talk
Explain
What went wrong
Find the cure
To the poison that filled us
The one
That caused us to separate
Melting us into nothingness
Leaving me searching
For the pieces
To begin to repair us
Without your help
Or awareness
No permission needed
Because I am convinced
That once you see the big picture
You will come back
And thank me
For all of the effort...

Our lips are touching
But my mind is drifting
To everything but you
In these moments of truth
I have no proof
No hopeless devotion
Or strings of emotion
One foot out the door
Pedal to the floor
I’m counting the steps
No thoughts of regrets
Waiting impatiently
Feigning affections
Knowing my direction
Listening to the beat of my heart
Following the rhythm
Searching for a brand new start
Awaiting the moment
When I have the words
To explain why we need to part
Cowardice in its purest form
Nothing outside of the norm

In the quiet of this empty room
Only the sound of our voices
Echoing to emphasize
The importance of our words
Vital to our sanity
And this endless back and forth
Love me
Hate me
Create and destroy me
But for god’s sake let me be
One way or the other
Allow me the ability
To move past this twisted torture
The one where you push me away
And then spill your kindred soul
So I have no choice but to crawl right back
As sure as the sun rises and sets
Falling right back into your web
And hoping you don’t devour me

Our secrets followed us here
Into this aged room
With dusty walls
And a stale smell
That reminds me a lot of us
Stuck in these patterns
Of not telling the whole truth
For the sake of others
For the sake of ourselves
Saving face as if it were a race
To see who can hide the most
But my hands our tied
I can no longer be the one that lies
Because lying next to you
Has become a painful facade
A ridiculous charade
A song that’s been overplayed
A novel that needs an end
This is the moment that breaks us
When I stop biting my tongue
Until my mouth is filled with blood
This is the minute where truth floods
Downpour of rain
Drowning you in disdain

‪Skyline erupts
‪Into a city landscape‬
‪Buildings peak through‬
‪Clouds and fog‬
‪As if they are taking a break‬
‪From their own‬
‪Rigorous work schedule‬
‪To simply say hello‬
‪Reaching heights unknown‬
‪And looking down upon us‬
‪Jealous of our freedom to roam‬

Patio at midnight
Begging you
To blow out your candles
And make a wish
But you say
“Wishes are only granted
To those who believe”
You just aren’t lucky enough
To get what you hoped for
But you just might
Tonight
Grasping my hand
Leading the way
Uncharted waters
Crimson Lips
Unfiltered thoughts

White walls
In a hotel room
Sharing everything
Blind faith
Collapsing in passion
Attempting to escape
Lies
Life
Finding our place
Between the shadows
Of inescapable disaster
Forbidden thoughts
Invade my present tense
As the weather changes
And the summer
Gives way to fall
I fall
Slipping back
Into a mindset
Where I feel you
Throughout my being
My better mind, fleeing

In the courtyard
Bare and unkempt
Is where you found me
Lost and without definition

Lighting my cigarette
Staring into my eyes
Taking this chance
I catch a glimpse
of your soul
through the bitter cold

Warming my hands
Individually
In the pockets
of my torn jacket
Fiercely unprepared
for what was to come...

This flashing prompt
Is mocking me
The villain
In my dreams
Waking me from
A restless sleep
Making me wonder
What beauty lies ahead
Or if this day
Is just a nightmare to be had

Teasing me
Tempting me
Out of my writers block
So much so
That I have to
Write about it

The little black line
Is toying with me
Making me
Type
Edit
Delete
Like a cycle
Spinning my mind
Washing my pages
Until the words
Are nothing but memory

Or committed to memory
Depending on how many times
I’ve typed them
Trying to get past this idea
And turn it into
Something of substance
This flashing prompt
Has chained me to the screen

I scratch the idea
And start again

This vertical line
Is taunting me
Asking me what
I have Left to say
Reminding me that
I’ve said it all before
Just in a different way
Assuring me
That the world will tire
Of hearing my story
And I can only
Type so much
In a day
Week
Month
Year

This Caret
Has crushed me
Like a soldier waging war
Before I can even get a word in
Winning the battle
Unable to reach my weapon
Attempting to defend my thought process
Staring deeply I remember
That I am hopeless

This flashing prompt owns me
Keeping me up until
All hours of the night
Beating me to the punch
Whenever something feels right
Placing seeds of doubt in my mind
Making me aware
that the well
Has run dry

‪She danced on graves‬
‪In dark reverence‬
‪Throwing a party for the dead‬.
Reveling in the beauty,
Of each delicate sculpture,
‪Her fingers traced the edges...‬
‪Memories long gone,‬
‪but in the souls
Of those who loved them.‬
‪Twisted smile‬,
‪Longing for the day‬,
‪When she too‬,
‪Rests eternally‬.

Watching you stretch
Your leg extended along the horizon
Always reaching for the sky
Determination so fierce
You inspire me to put my ink to use
Writing effortlessly
About the way your body moves
How your genius creates the steps
Suspended animation
I can’t wrap my head around
Constantly moving
And consistently untouchable

All that remains
Chalk that wrote our story
I absentmindedly erased
Essence of our core
Still searching
For the lines of us
Lost somewhere
Amongst the dust
My inspiration slowly fading
Sinking in quicksand
With no hopes of wading
I will always be waiting
Rising from the depths
Of my past life
Paper bound
And
Apologetic
Praying to all gods
That I don’t repeat
The same mistakes
Pleading woefully
For heavens sake
Desperately hoping
I don’t know how much more I can take