you took an early sleep and all i can do is wonder
where you are when i watch the sun set over the mountains.
you were so young
but you'll never know what your life could have been.

I crave that
magical
wanderlust
love that
you gave me
in a dream.

our lips
dancing
as we wave
between the sheets
of our desire.

drip
drop
tick
tock
****

this is wonderful
counting the beats
of our hearts’ palpitations
as we enter
the threshold of
pure ecstasy

our bodies
colliding into
one being.


my body
fine-dipped
like honey
on your lips.


then I woke up.
with the thought of you on my mind.

i didn't fall in love
with someone who wanted
to rewrite my story.
i fell in love with someone
who wanted to give me a new ending.

don’t pretend you can’t feel my heart
pounding through my shirt.
don’t pretend like you don’t know that
I tremble every time you’re near me.

I pretend that you’re just a friend
but you’re the ecstasy that runs
through my veins.
and I can’t pretend that
I don’t love you.

has taken over my mind,
paralyzing me in a state of
never-ending purgatory.
and I love every minute
of it.

the mirror was her friend
but all she saw
was her ghastly skeletal
reflection telling
her to put down the food once more.

i hope that you see the sun
in your reflection on the lake
and think of the moment
you promised to be
with me forever
before you
left me at the altar.

this is what forgiveness
looks like.

What a shame
That the rose
Died before You
Got a chance to water it.

What a shame
That the candle
Burned out before
You got a chance to light it.

I guess that’s
The beauty in forgotten love.

The sun will always shine

Where the weeds have died.
And from that moment,

I knew our love was fragile.

girl meets boy
girl falls in love with boy.
boy promises to love girl forever.
boy breaks up with girl.
girl cries over boy.
boy moves on. '

even in my darkest hour
I will still rest
upon Your unchanging love
for me.

I will lie
In the pastures
and weep with your sheep
for You are good to me.

i am just a cog in the machine.
a tool of the man
but i know God
will still use me
for his Purpose.

so call me a tool
but this tool serves
a purpose.

eggs
milk
sugar
-
-
-
-
love
respect
your heart

My brain is in constant torment.
Thoughts scattered as paranoia ensues.
Hate me, love me is its mantra.
Then all is dark as I drift into the Unknown.

Heartbreak is the cruelest form of suicide.
If only you were here to hear the sound of my heart breaking.
Then maybe you’d stay just a little bit longer.

it’s been a while so take it easy on me
while I introduce myself to 2022.

then he died
and left me alone
with my demons.

Chase the sun.

Then watch it fall.
Water her ashes, but keep her dry.

Only then can she thrive.

yeah you reading this.
If anyone hasn’t told you today,

You’re beautiful.

how could You
love something
so selfish
and

broken
and
confused

and
undeserving?

how could You love a sinner
like me?

But I suppose
That’s what The Cross is for.

how much money would it
take for someone to **** me?
how much money would it
take for someone to stop my
heart so i can be rid of this neverending nightmare?

how much money did it
take for you to **** me
with your toxic love?

Step 1. Isolate yourself

Step 2. Make up scenarios in your head on why you aren’t good enough.

Step 3. Wait for death.

i kissed a girl
and i liked it.
no, i'm not weird.
i refuse to conform
or for you to label
me as inferior
for following my
heart.

i am not
some trophy
or prize to be
showcased
to inflate
your ego.

i am a human being
**** it.
and i demand to
be heard.

i don't always
cross my legs
when i sit.

i don't always shave
because i am a mammal
and mammals have hair
and that's okay

if i'm being honest
i'm tired of the sterotypes
of who you want me to be.

so i'm gonna be me.
like it or not,

i'm a human being
and i demand to be heard.

i'm not scared of dying.
i'm scared of not knowing who will be at my funeral.

We’ve built the wall surrounding our castle—
Slowly becoming each other’s demise.
Sounds of slamming doors and shattering glass pierces the silence.
What an inconvenience this life has become.

The pendulum that once swung has taken its final swing.
Envious cries cutting through infinite silence.
Visons of thieving wolves that capture our castle—
Removing delicate, intricately sewn lies
What an inconvenience this life has become.

until i met you.

is it weird that I can
see the ghost of you
in this empty apartment?

is it weird that I keep playing
your voicemail before I go to sleep at night?

(I can't help it, your voice comforts me)

is it weird that i can still
taste the cherry cola on your lips
as we shared our final kiss?

is it weird that you've moved on
yet I'm still lying in bed wondering
if you're awake thinking of me too?

I searched for happiness
in a dark closet with the door closed.

how long will you wrap yourself
in jealousy before you let
it destroy the soul
I tried to rebuild.
the lips I once kissed
are tainted with the green monster’s
poison
so I’m left once more
to reveal my heart’s contrition
for wanting you.

now I’m left
alone with the remains
of what the green monster
destroyed.

he destroyed your heart
but God forbid I let him destroy mine.

***

if I could replace all the
words in every book
with your name
I would,

but no amount of words on a page
could ever compare to what your heavenly
father calls you:

His daughter.
His most prized possession.
The one who took the nails
so that you may live.

so dry your tears
and dance with Him.
for He dances beside you even
on your darkest nights.