No ring, no real commitment to me
I think almost engaged must be the scariest place to be
Wondering did I fall to quickly
Or are you right here with me

i wish there was a sanitizer
to clean my heart from which you
tattooed your name on.

You still wonder,
what time I get home,
who I was with,
what I was doing.

You ask these questions,
like you're still my partner,
my lover,
my one and only.

Yet you are no longer entitled to.
You made the choice,
to let me go,
to betray me,
to let me down.

I made the mistake.
By sharing,
my night adventures,
late shenanigans.

I succumbed to answer to you.
Because I know you worry.
I know you care.

It comes off as a judgment now,
a scolding,
a lecture.

There is no "us" anymore.
Time to keep my lips sealed,
shut in time,
lock and keyed.

We loved each other a lot,
but in different ways.

Who would've known our love
was starting to decay?

And to think it all started
when you proposed last May.

When our beginning became our ending
on that fateful Saturday.

It was so grand, so perfect
the island, people--that entire day.

An absolute dream come true,
if I may say.

Tears of happiness,
smiles for days.

This was all I was waiting for,
so why did I keep running away?

right now my chest feels like it has 100 bricks laying across it, my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds and it's going to tip over. We're back where we were when we first started and it's a shame that this is where we've landed. Time after time after time again I have tried to fix this, tried to fix us, tried to fix you. I couldn't save you from yourself, I couldn't save us from this disaster. You aren't the only one to blame, I know I could have done more, I could have forced you to get the help you needed in the beginning, but you didn't want to, you never did. I hope now that I'm leaving you realize you are not okay, that you have never been okay. You're broken and that's alright, just stop trying to pretend you haven't shattered into a million pieces already. You were my world, my moon, the current in my ocean. My soul has never felt more at home in your arms. We loved each other in another life and maybe that was enough, maybe a previous lifetime spent loving you was enough.
Maybe it was enough.

Fuzzy and warm
The feeling spilling over my whole being
Drinking to forget
Forgetting to drink
*Warm wine filling the spaces you once called home