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i lay here hollow
for you to fill the spaces between my temperaments
im so sorry i have enough anguish for the both of us
and that it may feel you can’t stand the burden of your own around me
But the lovely things between each switch
bring me unimaginable hope
That one day you can feel the same
i will repent every misery laid onto you
because im undeserving of your heart
im undeserving of your embrace
feelings i fight that say I’m undeserving of your grace
may one day i can awake
feeling that I deserve you as my only faith
I want to love
But I hate me
So what love I deserve
I cannot see

Pray and hope
For someone to embrace
Glance in the mirror
And I'm not worth the chase

So back away now
Before my heart latches on
Don't step so close
So I can tell myself it's wrong

Frail and grasping
The slightest kindness
And you outshine the sun
I will never bare that likeness

In my eyes
As much as I want
Don't touch me
It's a cruel taunt

My heart sprints to keep up
Attempting to reason
With a self mutilating mind
Saying to love me is treason

So don't touch me
I'll love you for a while
Tell myself I'm undeserving
Move on, nod and smile

And you'll never hear a word of it
jasmine wild Jun 25
too busy feeling sorry for myself
to listen to them,
my pain hurts others in unforgivable ways,
when can I stop fighting this battle?
coz that's when I can stop fighting them

their trust and love
I don't deserve.
this battle isn't theirs,
its mine

I need to do what's right,
one touch and it's all gone.
then I can stop hiding,
stop fighting
against them.
breathe one last breath
they'll cry for a day,
but realise its all for the best

things will be easier
for them, not just me.
the war I'm fighting- over
I admit defeat

i'm sorry

like sorry can cut it
Damien Jan 10
Do you miss me?
Do you love me?
Do you care if I live or die?

Why should you?
Why would you?

I don't deserve your love
I don't deserve your caring
I don't deserve you

And I never will
Reese Jul 2019
You know I feel like ****
Not complete **** just ****
I also know it's my fault
Slowing down on my meds
Not stopping
Just taking less than perscribed
I do it to stay focused
It's either Focused and depressed
Or happy and all over the place
People like me more focused
I'm less annoying
I'm more bearable
But more depressed
Luckily
Sadly
Thankfully
They can't see that part
It's this or Happy
But then I can't focus
I get bad grades
I annoy and **** people off
People don't like me
The only person who does is me
But why
Why do the drugs have to be 1 or the other
They cancel each other out
So it's focused or depressed
Or a little of both
I feel like I should be more focused during Lancers [marching band]
But then I'm more depressed
And while I feel like ****
I also feel that
I Deserve It
I am a better person while depressed
I can help those in the same situation better
I can help others more
If I'm happy
It is Not fair
I feel like a failure to those I've told about my mental health
I told them I'm depressed but then I'm not
Am I a liar?
Am I a failure?
...
Well that one's easy of course
I'm a failure either way.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar
When I'm happy I feel like a liar
When I'm happy
....
I feel like a liar
A ******* discrase
Who am I to say I have depression when I'm happy?
It's not fair
What about all those who don't feel the way I do with the same past
When They are on drugs
What if they can't get those drugs?
How's that ******* fair?
How?

I want to live
But if I live, I hurt
If I hurt do I deserve to live?
They only care for you when you say your going to **** yourself
What about if you aren't there Yet
At THAT moment
Then what are you?
Invisible....

And why are there so many of us so ******* depressed?
Just stop it please
Give me the pain of everyone and let me suffer by not killing myself
But suffering with it while alive
To eliminate everyones depression
It NEEDS TO END...
Please
Just stop

But not for me
For everyone else

When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...

..


..
­
..


.
what do I do
blackbiird Jun 2019
how could You
love something
so selfish
and

broken
and
confused

and
undeserving?

how could You love a sinner
like me?

But I suppose
That’s what The Cross is for.
Tierramxrie May 2019
You have a good woman
Who did any and everything
For you.
It’s such a waste of her time.
It’s such a waste of her effort.
I couldn’t see before but I understand
Why you don’t deserve her.
muteD Dec 2018
remembering
how we used to be
back when
I couldn't breathe
call me breathless
bc you were breathtaking
and mine .

you were like a rose .
beautiful yet dangerous
with thorns tipped w poison .
grew up through a crack in the cement ,
felt nothing but continual abandonment
and an ache
for something you know nothing about .

maybe you were more like an onion .
each time you pull back a layer ,
there's always another
in its place .
had heart of ice ,
one I tried to unthaw .
I wiped your surface ,
and it just froze back over
immediately after .

an imperfect flaw of perfection .
someone in need of affection ,
commitment , attention and direction
you are someone
who would've died
saving me .

and that just can't be .
"I like it. The first and second paragraph (stanza) make me think of my ex."-SB
Marii Nov 2018
The music blares
And I'm stuck between bodies
Pasted together from all the perspiration,
That's when I burn from your stare

Enveloped by blue seriousness
And the crease of your frown,
You want to smile,
And something in me
Is convinced of your earnestness

I peep back with a little bit of uncertainty,
A little bit of desire

Why would you need to peer at me?

An eon of futuristic images shine in my eyes,
It's so easy to see happiness,
To feel warmth
To smell coffee next to you in the morning

But I know you don't deserve me...

You deserve more than ill health,
More than self-pity,
More than anxious worrying

So that's why
When the music blares
And I'm stuck between bodies
Pasted together from all the perspiration,
And I burn from your stare,
That I never look at you
Because I know you should save your stares for someone who you might appreciate more.
Heather Ann Oct 2018
where do i end and you begin?
in the grasp, you hold me in,
when i am merely a summer breeze
or a kiss of death.
what am i to you,
if nothing more than
crashing symphonies
playing tone-deaf melodies?
i am entirely unto you,
bound to your grace
where i am held, hostage;
in the belief that if you kiss my poisonous lips
and seek refuge
where i do not deserve
such a happily ever after
but a gravestone next to yours.
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