Go crazier and crazier the longer you stay
Cry all night
Sleep half the day
You remain by side throughout the upheaval
You are capable of delivering me from evil
Something is not right between us
Cannot place my finger
On the imperfection
The air of frustration lingers
So I am caught in between your feelings and my own
Thoughts collide within
Creating cyclone
Moving in mind with force
Trail of mayhem in it's wake
Causing already hurting head to violently throb and ache
As I ponder what to do time tumbles out of my hands
My reflexes are too slow to catch before it lands
Clock is never on my side whether I turn left or right
No matter which way I examine
Predicament not black and white
Waiting for next error so I have a good excuse
The longer it takes the more I ask myself
"What is the use?"
You deserve to be with somebody equally devoted
Why the truth I'm telling you is not sugar-coated
I wish you would come to this conclusion without my aid
You are simply too optimistic I'm afraid
I hate doing this to you but I feel it is more fair
Being straightforward with you than to leave you unaware
Your heart may feel broken
It will only be for awhile
Promise that without me you'll again learn how to smile

I'm talking fast
Breathing slow
Exiled from life
Why you left do not know
Your absence stabs like a knife

Because too much time on my hands
Don't go to church or the bar
Stare at the wall trying to understand
How I have made it this far

It bugs me you are fine on your own
I am only half getting burned
Tell me to hit you up on your phone
My messages go unreturned

My tongue itches with irritation
Sentences I dare not say
Can't blame you for infuriation
I kissed you back that day

I suspected you'd never ring my cell
I'm wrapped around your finger
You put my heart through hell
Lasting loyalty lingers

Supportive of you no matter what
Liberated or in chains
Too deep down in this rut
To evict from my brain

All I know
I am tired
Yearning to rise above
Adoration has expired
Why can't my love?

I share my thoughts with you
The world's weight on my back
Romantic delusions spin
Afraid to face the facts

Staring you down as you frown
Gaze right to the bone
Will sing you a lullaby
It makes you feel less alone

And nothing fixes my brokenness
Will exaggerate my claims
It will make me feel better
About the monster I became

The dark days drag their feet
Weeks blur into one
Time my greatest weakness
Will suffering never be done?

Even more sorrowful than usual
Bitten by love
Now I'm shy
You give me hope for happiness
With glimmer in your eye

An old longing resurfaces
Came on strong and fast
Hit me low right where it hurts
Before dawn I brace for the blast

The only wind that shakes my walls
Is your voice saying my name
But the storms and danger that come with
Rage harder than a hurricane

Any dignity I own that remains
Is stripped clean from my bones
Back to bare essentials for life
With only one whiff of pheromones

Time passes by in a whirl
But my emotions the same
Devoted to you infinitely
Though strangers we became

The bright stars all wink
Moon staring down unblinking
The night sky's embrace

This jar is full of tears cried in vain and all for you
If you drowned in them you'd feel the way I do
Firm packed words and memories all you've left me with
The notion that everlasting love is just a myth
Taken handfuls of pills every morning and night
None of which bring me closer to feeling alright
And flung on wall are my remaining ***** to give
My lack of concern I'll ask you to forgive
They did not protest
I plucked them from my chest
Happy to be free from the bars in my breast
Replenishing what was surrendered
The air
That is the curse of being forced to care
The clothesline of ***** laundry hung to dry
In past would be reason to cry
Burdened with knowledge of the atrocity I am
Blessed I no longer give a ****

You know you are ******
When you are so deep in love
Cannot fall back out

I don't know how to say this
Do not want to break your heart
Want to be the person you wish I could be
We'd be better off apart

Where is this going?
Got to be able to tell
Noticing for awhile
Haven't been doing so well

I fought dozens of battles
Silently in mind
Kept them imprisoned
Less conflict confined

I should face problems
But I am a coward so I run
Hard to conquer an argument
You already believe you won

Maybe I am being harsh
I can only take so much
A relationship is supposed to be
More than people who touch

See sometimes feel a tingle
Think "this isn't so bad"
That itself means it is
To deny must be raving mad

The friction is obvious
Where do I draw the line?
I am stuck in an internal war
Between your emotions and mine

My hands might be lonely
When clasped something is amiss
As long as yours fills gaps between fingers
Nobody else can see if theirs fits

If being totally honest
Seems you don't really care about me
Tears drip out eyes all the time
You are too self-centered to see

Trying to build life back up
You are standing in my way
Making things harder than already are
Painting sky shades of grey

I am opening eyes to reality
Hope you do that too
We both need to stop lying to ourselves
We know it isn't true

I taste sorry on my tongue again
Taste regret on my lips
Obligation squeezes tighter
When you put arms around hips

Only now letting you know
How much feelings have changed
My head full of hope for a heavy heart Hung from noose was exchanged

I should have been forthcoming
Informed you was over as soon as I knew
I can't stand causing others pain
Why it took this long to say this to you

But sick of home not feeling like home
In own room feel out of place
You've transformed it to your own
Do not have a single private space

You are a tornado
In wake is a trail of destruction
Many flaws get in the way
About time I move obstruction

Your ego too big for me
To properly see around
In fact how do you even lift your head?
Must weigh a thousand pounds

Your conceited attitude more often than not
Provokes until seeing red
Arrogance unattractive
Try acting humble instead

I cannot picture a future with you
You are inconsiderate and dumb
No ambition or work ethic
Would rather be a ***

You take time with everything
Never met someone so slow
Put so much effort and see no results
Almost no progress to show

Without my aid what will you do?
How will you get high?
Depend on everybody else around you
If you desired you could get by

Lungs filled with poison
Bloodstream with *****
Need crutches to get through each day
Think these substances are helping
They really only get in the way

With only pride and standards
I will continue life in solitude
Better than being with someone who's naive
Not to mention selfish and rude

Consequences for actions
Finally caught up to where we are
Have tolerated a lot of *******
I've decided I'm raising the bar

My goal is to go further in my life
Than you plan to go
Hindering distance to travel
Making it challenging to grow

Soon you'll be left in the dust
Discovering I was right
Won't be able to use me as an excuse
For failure when I'm out of sight

You call me idiotic pet names
What I am in your contacts under is bold
McPoops?
Actually prefer "The *****"
What are you? Six years old?

How many occasions have you pouted?
Sulking because you disagreed
With words said or things done?
I gave no choice but concede

I have every right to be unhappy
How can you not understand why?
May not always be reason for tears
You sure do not help them dry

Are you center of universe?
That is how you act
Helping yourself to anything viewed
You are entitled and that is a fact

I do not know if you do it on purpose
You disrespect everyone here
Using stuff but not asking
To rules you do not adhere

The only person I have ever met
Who is even lazier than me
Make messes faster than you clean up
Cannot handle responsibility

Not to mention you can't keep track
Of any possession you own
Or that you failed to pay back majority
Of money you have been loaned

Your expensive eating habits
And cockiness get on nerves
Believe you are correct about every subject
Isolation what you deserve

You break trust without hesitation
Snitching on me like a rat
If I plead with you to keep a secret
You can't even follow through with that

You probably think we are being mean
That you are misunderstood
If that's true then tell me this
What have you done that's good?

You disassemble stuff like a tweaker
Not putting back in one piece
Have given you so many chances
Still the madness won't cease

It is an eternal struggle
To even get you to barely move
Just procrastinate your life away
After promising to improve

Rather live in solitude
Than with a theif who lies
Took two CATs of my dad's
You thought he would not realize?

And when telling you something
You do not want to hear
Pretend to agree with statement
Goes out the other ear

You have to get your priorities straight
It's clear you never will
How are you expecting to survive
Without ambition
Sapience
Skill?

You expect others to carry your load
Piggybacking much as you can
The behavior of a little boy
How dare you call yourself a man

But when affecting your wallet
You are stingy as they come
Generosity is not in your vocabulary
Unless receiving some

Then have the audacity
To judge the way I live
Degrading me because of choices
After the ****** up **** I forgive

At least I do not blame my dependency
For why I'm unable to function
Worse still you put fault for your addiction
On pharmaceutical corruption

I have met plenty of people
Fed prescriptions as a child
Medicated whole **** life
Their abilities are not defiled

You envision the world to your favor
Instead of how it is for real
Perception the problem here
Delusion rooted in privilege you feel

You have a lot of growing up to do
Wish I would have waited
Gotten to know who you really are
Now I wish we never dated

Toxic together
They both want it to work out
Love is so unfair

If given the chance would you ask for me back?
Each tear I've shed would you help me uncry?
The bad moments erased like an amnesiac
Reverse time to before you said goodbye

You'd be a better man than you were
I would be better too
Stop you from walking out the door
Would not give you a reason to

Headphones in eardrums blocking out life's sound
In rhythm to music I hear heartbeat pound
White cord visibly sways to then fro
Mouth silently each lyric I know
Do not speak and interrupt paradise
In comparison to world this reprieve is nice
Temporary peace found inside of me
Lose myself in the melody

Nothing there anymore
Everything good thrown out
Did not try to stop it
What is there to talk about?

I am a terrible person for what I know I have to do
But I am only human and deserve to be happy too
I am used to depression
It's been a long time friend
But as long as we are together it surely won't end
Not because you abuse my body or my feelings
But because you aren't helping the **** with which I'm dealing
You may be sweet but you make me feel sour
Quiet because it is easier to cower
Than to pick a fight that is impossible to win
Aggravation works it's way further under my skin
You are supposed to have my back
Clearly you do not
You throw me under the bus without a second thought
I wish I would have waited before rushing in headfirst
It seems with bad judgement I am hopelessly cursed
An impatient creature
Now both are paying the price
Because I am too foolish to stop and think twice
I know you will be angry
You have every right to be
But I have faith that in the future you will see
That this decision really is for the best
It only gets harder the more time we invest
I know deep cuts now are engraved on your soul
It wasn't my intention to carve out a hole
But attraction has slowly shifted to dismay
"I love you" is a phrase that toward you I'll never say
The way I looked at you changed after our first fight
And has only grown worse since that night
I held on hoping situation would improve
And one day of your actions I'd actually approve
But our relationship dies a little bit more
Each time you do something that I deplore
My eyes are finally open to who you really are
Too bad to see it took getting this far
This whole time I've held on wishfully thinking
It will get better but problems aren't shrinking
I'm ready for this to be over
Yearn to be free
Keeping your emotions safe is mentally draining me
A grave is already dug now it is time to lay to rest
The remains of our romance
Suffered cardiac arrest
You can yell if you want to or call me names
Whatever it takes to break these heavy chains
I have bottled up the truth for far too long
Pretending it might work despite it feeling wrong
I ignored my instinct in fear of loneliness
But these gnawing doubts have gotten too large to repress
Obnoxious ocurrences are a routine indication
Of our incompatibility
Leading to irritation
It seems we are both holding the other down
Not only do you not make me smile
You widen my frown
I am fully aware I frustrate you as well
Without saying one word by your expression I can tell
I don't want to be the source of your despair
But the weight of commitment has become too much to bear
I have wanted to cry out loud but kept my mouth closed
But these silenced concerns beg to be exposed
I think the moment is past overdue for you to hear
The honest thoughts crowding my skull no matter how severe
I apologize for hurting you
Hope you believe it wasn't my plan
I would stick it out awhile longer but am not sure that I can

I thought I mattered to you
That there still was something left to save
Scared of life without your presence
Have no choice but be brave

You've made pretty evident
I am no longer what you desire
Wish I knew how you did it
So I also extinguish my fire

You do seem happier
What I want the most
Even if meaning you can only exist
In world as a translucent ghost

Bleeding out until heart's out of blood
Hoping you see
How I care and love you so
Everything you once loved about me

What we had was messy
The one thing I know is that it was true
When I look into your eyes today
Glimpse a sliver of the person I knew

But know things have changed since then
I have made a lot of mistakes
Wish I could take some of it back
No such thing as double takes

Starting to realize our time
Finally has drawn to an end
A portion of me would rather say no
Instead just play pretend

We only get so many chances
Never sure which one is last
Until it is too late and everything you need
Becomes part of the past

The scars left on my feelings
Cause me pain to this day
No matter how long spent apart
Damage determined to stay

We blame ourselves for struggles
Maybe that isn't fair
It is destiny's fault
Creating this nightmare

It seems real this time
You never are coming back
Try to hide my sorrow
I am always wearing black