"ahold" poems
I want to be your dreamcatcher
And keep ahold of the insults meant for you.
Dreamcatchers don't catch dreams
They catch the things that keep you from having them.
Nov 20, 2012
Nov 20, 2012 at 8:07 PM UTC
She's a 21st century fox.
Hair tangled up,
Strangled by the bedsheets in her thoughts.
Her Eyes are blue gold,
And if I stare too long,
She just might break the mold,
Of the prototype,
The best of my wishful thinking,
Grab ahold of my nightmares and don't let go til you start sinking.
I got an inkling,
Or a thought,
I won't stop til we get caught,
Then maybe they'll throw us back like two fish out of water.
I've been swimming upstream since before I was born,
So when I swim with the current
Its like I'm trying to conform.
Forlorn and broken
Trade my change for tokens,
I try to cash the chips in,
But I lost them all playing hold em'.
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 12:55 AM UTC
the earth shook the neighbors again today
but truly, i can't say that i felt it.
yours is the only one that still hits me.
your earthquake spirals through my veins
interrupting the day, awakening me by the night
i await the tremors with anxiety and need
disrupting intellectual thought, curving daily motion.
absence of your presence denies me
everything, yes, everything.
grasp ahold of me, my love, and shake me
shake me from the depths of this nightmare
return, return and make this right
troubled mind shrouded by memories
that which flow to my very core
this dark red heart beats for you
my courageous veins are your love's roots
weaving through flesh and blood
daring to grow more and more sturdy
your earthquake scares me, my love
for i cannot control it.
your memories will not crumble with the earth
shaking and trembling, i'll stand my ground
holy is your image, voice, and touch
hot is the molten passion, coursing through my young heart
rupturing from the only place that i know
your earthquake, my love, determines so much
faulty is the mind and brave is the heart
crazed intuition lurking from daily interruptions
my love, continue to shake my world
for i know you are still there
my love, continue to shake my world
for i know nothing else
if a day pass where i cannot feel that vividness
all will be forgotten. all will be dead.
my love, i beg of you---
send me that earthquake today.
Dec 12, 2011
Dec 12, 2011 at 1:10 AM UTC
this constant
invitation
into stark mystery
is a story
i flounder
to find words for.
~
a glance,
more
than eyes looking.
beholden
entrancement,
upon feedback's
looping.
~
i am a crippled logician,
wrought with wonder
in the thrashing
static jungle,
of no conclusion.
~
this is a flash
this here, the flesh
a blinding
binding light,
obliterating,
without solution,
a living,
i tremble in.
~
i am stumped
i am little
so small
hung
here
in the
sky.
~
a suspended channel
of ideation,
filling, with
empty utterance.
~
i am confounded
i am large
too grand
to
get
ahold
of.
~
breathing
multitudinous,
full, with
contradiction.
~
a grandiose
enigmatic flux,
miniscule
and massive.
Mar 9, 2014
Mar 9, 2014 at 5:21 PM UTC
Rexie was his name,
I met him on my tumblr page.
He's similar to Ana,
but different in a mental way.
I never worried 'bout my weight,
but still he got ahold of me.
He whispered to me "start counting your calories."
I'd eat less and less,
I loved the feeling that came with it.
I googled 'side effects of starving yourself.'
Euphoria.
That's what came up,
I ignored hair loss, osteoporosis, death.
It's like a drug, that's what he said,
Thats how the addiction began.
Always tired,
Brain rewired,
Kilos dropping,
There's no stopping.
Now the vision of the scale plummeting makes me feel something.
Rexie's always gonna be with me,
Maybe soon I'll realise
His goal is to ****** me.
Until then,
I can say,
Rexie is my best friend.
-T
May 18, 2021
May 18, 2021 at 7:52 AM UTC
It's late
Midnight is just a dream
I get that light in my eyes reaching out for a friend
It seems I'm here again
Listen up, here's what I have to say
And when I'm done, watch me walk away
I'll be the place you come to on the run
I'll be the place you run away from
Starlight
Never gets brighter
Grab ahold of me tighter from a million miles away
Each night, I'm still here for you to play
Broke down
And no one to go to
"Slow down" you yell, when all I want is to rest
"Get out" you say as you stab me in the chest
Listen well, little blanket on the blues
I only love the way you've learned to lose
Someday, someone else will take your place
But for now, please stay my friendly face
Apr 21, 2016
Apr 21, 2016 at 1:19 AM UTC
"You have a beautiful smile baby
Why won't you smile for me?"
Is what my mother tells me
On a daily.
I am sorry but these days
It's been hard to get out of bed lately
I feel like I am by myself
And something has got ahold of me.
I know I am beautiful
But the media tells me otherwise.
So I try to conform
To attract attractive eyes
That's dressed behind
Conceited lies inside minds
That could never realize
We need to be ourselves.
Not what we see that is televised
Or plastered about
That make us have doubt
In ourselves.
You see, I battle these bipolar demons
They rest in my mind
And sometimes I can feel them scheming.
I wish I could enjoy the ambience
Of life
But they've robbed me of my happiness
And turned me into a *********
They've distorted my truth
And robbed me of my youth.
Left me battered and bruised
And it's hard to figure out
What to do.
I know I'm not alone
But my mood tells me otherwise
The voices in my head won't stop
Telling me these demonic lies.
Showing me visions of my death
Right before my very eyes.
It's become a fantasy of mine
To see the crying faces
When they realize
They will no longer can see mine.
You see, I battle these bipolar demons
They rest in my mind
And sometimes I can feel them scheming.
I wish I could enjoy the ambience
Of life
But they've robbed me of my happiness.
Stripped me naked
And dressed me with sadness.
Thrown me in the depths
Of sheer madness.
I know genuine love
Makes the ********
About face
But when it's absent
Or gone to waste.
That is when
They are back in my face.
You see, I battle these demons.
These **** demons.
Lord please rid me
Of my bipolar demons.
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 8:04 PM UTC
The last of my kind
There’ll be no more after me
I’m a flightless bird
With useless wings
Dumb and wild and free
Take a good hard look
At what you’ve done to me
On display
In my solitary incarceration
I pace in circles
So the camera will see
Look at my stripes fade
Take a good hard look
At what you’ve done to me
I had no fear of anyone
‘til you got ahold of me
The moon shone through the trees
A spotlight in my final serenade
No brothers left
And there’ll be no more after me
This poem has been a product of the combined efforts of myself and the lovely prrtybrd
Nov 24, 2014
Nov 24, 2014 at 6:06 PM UTC
it's not like a finger
it's more like an arm
i am not a mod *******
but i do have my charm
will take you by hand or
by foot if i hafta
but i'm going down south
and make you cry 'fasta'
what nobody sees,
nobody will repeat
we can do this quick
and must be discrete
darlin', your intelligent and
i love to hear you talk
but today my name is jack
and here's my beanstalk
the more you poke at it
the more it will grow
the more i poke with it
the more you will know
grab ahold tight
and don't let go
because this moby is wild
and ready to blow
sweetheart, i love you
and now that you know
thanks for the good times
but ***** you gotta go
Jun 19, 2010
Jun 19, 2010 at 6:19 PM UTC
I'm tripping over the cracks of this
foundation
My motivation is waning
I'm floating
soaking in anxiety
Am I lucid dreaming?
My shoulder blades
buried in concrete
My hands
Are they free?
Grab ahold of this heartbeat
it's tumbling
down the corridors of my mind
Oct 27, 2016
Oct 27, 2016 at 4:30 PM UTC
I can feel myself drifting
Drifting away from the world and reality,
Drifting away from all the happiness
Drifting
I can feel myself drifting.
I struggle to grab ahold of something,
anything,
To keep me grounded,
but there isn’t anything around.
Empty space surrounds me,
it swallows me whole.
I feel my breath start to slow,
I feel tears pricking at my eyes.
I can feel myself drifting
Drifting.
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 10:07 AM UTC
i don’t know how to get ahold of you.
i know i love you but i’m still afraid to open up to you.
i just feel so lost while trying not to hurt you.
thought i was ready to receive,
this prayer when i asked for a man like you.
tonight- i think we need to be more patient
tonight- i just want to be in your presence
tonight- coming to a realization
love can’t be this dangerous
this love can’t be this dangerous
this not good for you
this is not good for you
i can’t take your heart for granted
hope you understand where i stand and
this not good for you
this is not good for you
i can’t take your heart for granted
hope you understand where i stand on this
Feb 9, 2022
Feb 9, 2022 at 11:51 PM UTC
She feeds off my dedication
and
Lives off my Love.
Don't dare tell her how I feel
because that becomes a Power.
It is nolonger my choice to her.
She grabs ahold and hikes it above her head-
Taunting me;
Teasing me;
Daring me.
I reach for it-
Yelling;
Screaming;
Threatening.
Maddened with the authority I gave her.
Strickened with the will to ignore
but
Unable to adhere.
Sooo...
My eyes water
and
My tongue swells.
My mind dictates
but
My body lays ignorant to its wisdoms.
I know what I can do.
I know what I should do.
I know what I would do-
If only I didn't ...
Love her.
"You ain't goin nowhere," she says.
I want to scream, "Oooh yes the **** I am!"
But
My head just dips in that "youre so right" kind of way
and
The Vulture struts away- Proud.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 4:25 PM UTC
"i love you" is hollowing
three words aren't enough for me
(they were until my brain ate them whole. now they echo inside my ears, bounce around until my head has had its fill)
tell me i'm better than the others
tell me you haven't come close to loving another soul the way you love mine
tell me that you weren't functioning
that you were a clock without hands
time flew by in the wrong direction and the numbers on your face were a dead language
until we fell together
and then you started counting in real time and loving every tick of every second
i want you to be aggressive
brand your love into the side of my skull
scar it into my collarbones
make my illness remember
i want you to carve my name into your ******* heart
i want you to grab ahold of my lungs and breathe your love into them
make sure it's the only thing i know
send it flooding through my bloodstream
i need my illness to remember
when i'm like this,
don't tell me you ******* love me
your skin is made of cellophane
i can show you exactly where the lie is coming from
my own head can't take care of me,
how could you?
tell me you'd cut off your hands if they couldn't hold mine
tell me you'd wiggle your way into my ribcage if you could
just so you could be closer to the beat of my heart
tell me you love me and make my illness believe it
Dec 23, 2016
Dec 23, 2016 at 1:42 AM UTC
He puts it out there, the Schrödinger’s cat of invitations.
Now, I’m irritated. “I TOLD you I don’t have time for.. involvement.”
“But you have to eat - so eat with ME,” he shrugs. “You can build a friendship with someone and still have freedom.” His observation was casual, as though it were unrelated to anything between us. He seemed to have the intuition that I’d balk if pressed.
“You’re subversive.” I said. “Why me? There are prettier girls, more agreeable, fun girls. I feel like I’m on the edge here,” I look around to indicate the room, the environment, the university. “And I can be a complete as-hole.”
He looked a little offended, “You’re interesting, I like what I know about you and, yeah, we can all be as-holes - we’re in a pool of “A” types, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“What do you KNOW about me?” I ask.
“I’ve read some of your writings,” he looked thoughtful, “I may know a little about how you think, It’s unusual.. interesting.”
I’m shocked and I squirm, “You looked me up?”
“I looked you up.” he nodded, “to be sure you’re not an axe murderer.”
“How much did you read?” I asked, wheedling, my inner-writer engaging.
“Tell you at dinner - YOU name the date and time,” he smiled.
“My idea of “dinner” is walking to a dining hall, picking up a bag of food, bringing it back here and taking ten minutes to eat it between chapters,” I warned.
“I have a meal card,” he says, jiggling his student lanyard.
“We’ll see.” I said. “Have you talked to anyone else about my writing?”
“No,” he answered, “Why?”
“Please don’t, I have to think about it.” I say. As far as I know, no one I know in RL has read me - it’s an odd feeling - like maybe he got ahold of my diary. I haven’t worried over the fact that someone I’m in physical proximity to could look me up. That all this stuff is actually out there.
“Don’t think my misgivings can be cajoled away,” I say, “no more talking.”
He chucked but we got back to studying.
Nov 16, 2021
Nov 16, 2021 at 10:21 PM UTC
i don’t know how to get ahold of you.
when you zone out and i see you’re not okay.
i wish that i can help you when your mind goes blank.
seems like your mind been racing a lot these days.
other days, i don’t know how to get ahold of you.
when i say “i love you”, but you don’t believe me.
feels like it causes you to double-think twice about me.
past life is in your current life, making you run from me.
tonight- i think we need to be more patient
tonight- i just want to be in your presence
tonight- coming to a realization
love can’t be this dangerous
this love can’t be this dangerous
this not good for you
this is not good for you
i can’t take your heart for granted
hope you understand where i stand and
this not good for you
this is not good for you
i can’t take your heart for granted
hope you understand where i stand on this
Feb 9, 2022
Feb 9, 2022 at 11:14 PM UTC
The Ocean
The sun goes up,
It overpowers the dark.
It makes the world shine bright.
The ocean says, I need the sun,
Or people wont come.
The sand is warm.
Cotton soft,
It keeps me company,
the ocean coughed.
The water is cold
and sometimes, people
dont treat it like gold.
Who cares!?
The ocean flares.
All the garbage drifts away!
The wind is cold,
It doesn't keep objects ahold.
They fly around.
Never touching the ground.
As you can see,
the ocean says,
This is our little town.
The Ocean
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 1:35 PM UTC
Seriously though, perfection is overrated held up in high esteem it seem
Most believe perfection is the absence of the bad the ugly and the extreme
Most believe that to be perfect is to be pure devoid of all the flaws or so they deem
However, it all lies in the balance just like the see saw, its not the absence of flaws but the balance of it all
Balance between the good and the bad as seen in nature's law
Well its my opinion and everyone is entitled to one with no intent to cause offence
But under the right lens all this will somehow make sense
Observe, there's no love without hate and pain, we can't have light without the presence of darkness, can't tell what's good without the bad, can't tell what's real without the fakes, mistakes and aches
I can go on and on about this but you get my drift you catch my pace
Just like the faces of a coin, these perspectives help us to appreciate, create, associate and experience
Experiences shape our perspectives and our perspective help shape our lives
That's why I appreciate you... all your strengths and flaws makes you.. you. We ain't picture perfect but we are worth the picture still
So just chill, you don't have to keep trying those shoes they want you to fill
Life didn't come with a manual, we are all just improvising trying to cut the cloak according to our coat.
Maybe you should too and Imma be here for you, just grab ahold of my hand and we will keep afloat.
In my eyes you are perfect so just hold on to that boat and sail ashore, I promise there's more in store.
Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 4:51 PM UTC
There it was..
That heightened adventure that looked so bittersweet with all its bliss that I only had the opportunity to witness.
So, how would it be to actually feel it?
There it was..
Calling my name like a Siren,
Telling me to test the waters,
Convincing me that it's not too cold.
And She was right,
It wasn't cold.
It hit me,
Like the chemical reaction of a lit fire ******* about to pop off and explode into a million tiny pieces.
It hit me,
Like a dream.
I couldn't move but I could see and feel everything around me.
Every fiber of my body tingling with electricity,
With life.
I can do anything.
I am Alice in her Wonderland,
Exploring another dimension other than my known reality.
Dripping, so much drip.
I can feel my heart begging for more with each sulfur liquid that slides down my throat.
I can feel my mind exploding, taking Her in like somehow She belonged there.
My muscles clench, chills circle my legs and make peace on my arms where they claim their seat on this joy ride to insanity.
She has made me Her home,
And I welcomed Her,
a stranger,
to do with me as She pleases.
An hour, maybe 2?
She is drifting, like a ship sailing away to sea.
"Don't let me leave"
I hear Her whisper.
She is fading, fading too far out of reach.
"Stay with me"
She pleads, but I can barely hear her now.
I can't let Her go.
Up! Up is where I find Her.
I feel Her coming,
Running back into my veins.
Into my heart she crawls.
I can hear Her now, calling my mind to join this facade She has impressively created.
Not calling, but screaming.
Screaming so loud that I can't help but give in to Her game.
I'm rolling.
Rolling like a ball thrown down and endless street with no destination, no obligation to stop.
"I belong here"
She screams, grabbing ahold of my soul and intertwining Her fingers with mine like I am Hers for the taking.
(I am Hers..)
Lights invade my eyes.
Bright colors like the 4th of July.
I feel like I am falling.
(Am I falling?)
Numbness wraps around me, grabbing at my legs and knocking me down.
I'm being thrown in and out between realization and this fantasy but in that realization I see that it is Her.
She is taking hold of my chest, my mind.
I can't think about anything but this euphoria I am stuck in.
Standing on my legs so I can not move She hisses
"I have you"
If I let her I can die.
(Should I let her?)
An overdose and I am its host.
Her hands close around my throat.
(Do I dare let Her squeeze harder?)
I push, push through this trip I am so willingly taking and in response She screams in pain.
"Come with me"
I hear Her say and I stand telling myself I am okay.
I will not die today.
I will not die today.
Molly will not have Her way.
Oct 24, 2014
Oct 24, 2014 at 4:08 AM UTC
Memories
Memories
The key
Memories
Memories
I flee
Meditation
They say
Meditation
Will play
Meditation
Is the way
Yet my memories
Of you
Were my happiest
My memories
Of you
Were the sappiest
Now I die
I die a little
I die a lot
I die from the thought
Of my happiest memory
From start
To finish
the very beginning
Of adolescence
You were there
We were never scared
Together
We shared
Memories
Moments
Golden pictures
Golden snaps
Forever burned
Forever there
Now I'm scared
My memories
Memories
Of you
They have ahold
On me
My memories
Memories of you
Leave me in absolute
Agony
I miss you
I miss them
I miss the feeling
Of adolescence
Of fun
Of freedom
Of hope
Of every single blissful
Moment
In the sky
With you
In the sky
Who knew
We'd fall
Fall so hard
And break
Never to mistake
Healing us together
Again
Memories
Memories of you
I can't meditate
I can't think
Of the past
Unless I go
Too far back
My childhood
My childhood
I stood
Low
I cried
Every night
My childhood
Mostly
A fright
My memories
Memories of you
what I held onto
Now I bleed
I bleed
Without any seed
Of hope
I bleed
I bleed
With a need
I bleed
Onto my knees
On the ground
Without a sound
No one wants to hear it
I don't want to bear it
But my memories
Memories
Of you
We're all I knew
It's how I grew
It's how we flew
Now
On the ground
With no sound
haunting
Flashes of shadows
Creeping into me
What was once bright
Now a scary sight
Now a sad plight
For help
My memories
Memories of you
Haunt me
In my dreams
In my car
From a far
In my house
In my bed
In every tear
I shed
Please please
I pled
I let it be now
I let it hurt
Let it sting
It isn't leaving
You were more then everything
Now it's mud on the ground
Now it's death with no sound
It's broken bones
And ripped veins
Its falling and reaching up
But no one's there
Falling into
Throw up
Those are my memories
Memories now
My memories
Memories
Of you
My memories
Hurt
Me
Now
And forever
Memories
...
Now and forever
Apr 29, 2023
Apr 29, 2023 at 2:37 PM UTC
the favorite stuffed animal
from a now-grown child
lies
in a pile of mud
soaked through with rain
after one of the dogs got ahold of it
and forgot
to bring it back inside
the baby bird makes a running
leap
and tries to lift her wings
to surprise her mother
with the gift of flight
before she comes home with dinner
total failure
lying fifteen feet
from her nest
with a broken wing
and a voice thats too small
her mother will never
notice
the baby bird will decompose
and become one
with the earth
the blank journal
which was purchased
over a year ago
lies
collecting dust
under piles of
never-to-be-used school supplies
hopes of confessions
or doodles
or even notes
are lost
as it has been forgotten
no one even
remembers
that it exists at all
everything
is exactly the same
as it's always been
Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016 at 6:36 AM UTC
*Let the light shine over you
Don't stand there in the dark
Embrace the warmth around you
It began with just one spark.*
*Leave the night behind you
Don't let it grab ahold
Of all the dreams that lift you
And make you strong and bold.*
*Love the bright, bright sunlight
It's there to give you hope
Maybe the world's not all right
But life's brighter in this scope.*
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 1:27 AM UTC
Temptress
Smooth-skinned devil
Siren
Sweet songstress of turmoil
You grabbed ahold
Of my soul
Long long ago
And your grip keeps tightening
The moon won't hide us
The stars won't save me
It's beautiful and frightening
black birds circling
you'll be dead by night
but you close in
showered by dim light
the way you sway
I'm willing prey
I'll die a thousand
deaths tonight
you're terrifying
you chill me to the bone
yet enchanting
more so than I've ever known
I long
for that slow
end
at your mercy
I dream
of the fall
at your claws
Dec 3, 2013
Dec 3, 2013 at 10:15 PM UTC
I didn't want the opportunity to go
But I honestly didn't even know
That you'd make me fall for you
It was all so refreshing and brand new
You made me feel things I never had
You made me forget that I should feel bad
But our love was tainted from the start
Though it was hard to run once you got ahold of my heart
I wanted you so much, I wanted us to be
Yet in the back of my mind I knew I should flee
The clock struck midnight and you never got my name
I should've known from the start, love is a losing game
Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 1:27 AM UTC