It still hurts me
Still hurts to this day
I’m trying my ******* hardest
But the pain won’t go away
I still can’t help but think
How for a moment you thought it was ok
Did you even consider my feelings?
Or at least the price you’d have to pay?
Crazy, I’d never hurt you like this
I hope you really enjoyed the head
I may’ve made a “mistake” while we were apart
But you made one while we slept in the same bed
I owe it to myself to be happy
You did say it’s something you regret
No matter how much I love you
I can forgive you but I just can’t forget
The rain came at a perfect time
We’re mourning the loss of my heart
It all just happened yesterday
So let me use this for my art
I wish this wasn’t my reality
But unfortunately I’m wide awake
No matter how hard I pinch myself
I’m forced to accept it’s not fake
That **** you did
What I never thought you do
I thought I’d **** up like this
But I was wrong cuz turns out it’s you
To know you’ve just been touched
By someone other than me
Honestly hits me in my soul
Because you couldn’t just wait patiently?
It was only a few days apart
How badly was the desire?
I thought she was “******” girl
But clearly you’re a ******* liar
I hate that this is my life
And now I’m forced to face it
No matter how much I wasn’t ready
Maybe we just should call it quits
Those words, together **** me
Its a hard pill to swallow
But I don’t know what else to do
I guess I’ll move on and just wallow
My love for you has...
Feb. 14 2019
For you and only you
Lie to me gently
Tell me everything I want to hear
I know that you love me
But some things aren’t so clear
How deep is your love
Would the ocean be jealous?
Because that’s what I want
For you to be nuts like a citellus
Seems like it’s just me
And you’ve begun to stray
I mean we’re not together
But when has that ever gotten in the way?
I can’t do this anymore
I can’t take anymore pain
Why’d you say you love me
When I’m just the one to blame?
Is he even the love of my life anymore? 10:50pm
Each day that goes by I realize
It’s one less than I had before
Especially every time I get high
It hits me even deeper to my core
One day our lease will end
But will we still be together?
Or whatever I make believe and pretend
Just to try to make myself feel better
Crazy to think that you’re still here
When you could’ve left ages ago
But we’ve had one wild *** year
I’m so thankful, I hope you know
For staying when you wanted to leave,
And putting up with my constant memory loss
Because you knew all I would do is grieve
And this is one relationship that I can’t toss
I know you can still thrive without me
I guess I should learn to do the same
I’m the only one who can set me free
If I can’t you’ll be the last to blame
I hope the story of us continues
And we gain a lot more chapters
I wish God could give me a preview
I still want that happily ever after..
for none other than
December 21, 2018
Every time I look in the mirror
I’m confused by my reflection
I don’t think I’ve ever recognized her
It’s complete and utter deception
Those bright eyes that I once knew
Are now useless and dimly lit
Hiding and concealing all that’s true
As if that could make me ever forget
The lies that they once spewed
Whether I was aware of it or not
Especially how trust can’t be renewed
And how loyalty can’t ever be taught
Funny I never thought that’d be me
I never took the time to know who I am
I hate myself for not being able to see
That I’m just a lying, attention seeking sham
I literally just wanna drink bleach
For the loml I guess
Go on, just go just leave
We’ve been here too many times
We actually were never a “we”
I just can’t read between the lines
Are you tired? Is this the end?
Have you reached your limit?
Would I be better off as just a friends?
Is that a role I’d better fit?
Is what we have even real?
or are we forcing it too much?
Is being “fed up” all you feel?
Have I lost that special touch?
Not really sure I ever even had it
Feels like we were doomed from the start
I guess it’s something we could never get
I guess we’re just better off apart?
A day after my birthday I wanted to kms
July 5 2018
What do you do when the one you love
Has ran out of love themselves?
Do you kiss them? Do you give them a hug?
Is it possible for you to restore their health?
Or is that not a job you should take on?
Are you supposed to let them heal alone?
What if you’re trying to create a tighter bond
Is it bad to want to be viewed as a “home”?
I’d give away my own kidney
If I knew it’d wash away your pain
Because this isn’t how I want things to be
I don’t want either of us to go insane
Is it even love anymore?
When I’m just adding to the stress?
It feels I’ve turned into a burden
And we’re in a loop of a reoccurring mess
April 10th 2018
Still as lost and confused as ever
Still for the same person