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Hello Daisies Feb 13
It was deafening
Threatening my very
My very
They made me bleed
No hue
No you
No blue
Or red
Or pink
Or love

They said to take it
It'll help
They said to make it
Or they'll tell
I didn't try
And they don't know why
So take it
Take it
Take it..

Let it rip your ears out
Rip the drums away
Tear the plums away
No shade
Only grey
All day
Every way

Who can live this way?
No sad
No glad
Only racing
Only bad
Only something
So they're not

I was nothing
Merely a vessel
Of blood and beating
Beating to nothing
Just physical pain
No gain
No lanes
No driving
No freedom
No air in my hair
No air in my lungs

Just guns
To my soul
In my pool
Instead of drums
in my head
I felt dead

They tried
To take me away
They lied
And said it's okay
They smiled
As I told them it's pain

They ******* tried
They lied
And they denied
Me help
They kept me
Melting away
They kept me
Locked in a cage
They kept me
Without any ears
I couldn't hear
I couldn't

I couldn't bare
Not to hear
The drums
The reds
The hues
The lows
And the beats
The tunes
And melodies
The breeze
The bliss
I couldn't ******* stand this
I missed
So much
Feeling it dancing in my skin
I know
I'll never let them win
I'll never swallow another
I'll never allow
Of this

I'm forever in love
With the multicolored noises
That keep me breathing
That keep me dancing
That keep me

The emotional drums
That fills my lungs 🫁
Just experienced anti depressants again that made me worse lol
Hello Daisies Aug 2023
I thought
How can it be hard
It's such an open door
To be you
To be all the hues
How could it be
I forgot about me
Never honestly
... me

I've told my story
I've opened up
They were nice ..
It's rough
They forget
I don't spit
It out
I keep it
Of light
*** it might
So I let them

That's so stupid
That's so gross"

Just in causal talking
Obviously forgetting

"It's like you were in love with her"
"Let it go
Let her go"

It's like they didn't know
She didn't know
they did
They did
Yet I hid
The fireworks
The moon
Every single
Id spend
Loving you

I forget
The pain I felt
Sitting on a swing
Just ******* crying
*** what if I am?
What if I really am ?
What will I do
My god what would
To me?
I'm disgusting

Then I let it go away
Til that day
Or it was everyday
I was with you
I knew
I knew
It was me
I was disgusting

How could I forget
Of course the doors not open
Not for everyone
Not even for myself
I still hide on a shelf
Even after revealing oneself
Never completely
I hide that bit of me
As just girlish
Drunken fun
Always on the
From her
Those feelings shouldn't
I make it a blur
The love I felt for her
Or her
Or me

That part of me
I find a tragedy
I love her
So sweet
So soft
Why can't she
Gabrielle and xena
Willow and Tara
I've watch
I've seen
On tv
But those
Those lovers
Made me feel
Made me feel
Made me
That was my destiny

I fell in love like that
She didn't feel it back
We were friends
I played pretend
Like I do with everybody
Hiding my entire body
My mind
I'm not shy
Just ashamed
Of what I can't

I love both
I cherish both
That is me
That is me
That's my destiny
I'm sorry
Hello Daisies Aug 2023
It's like I know
I'm a mess
I know I'm full of stress
I'm depressed
I'm a total wreck

I know it hurts my health
I know it kills my cells
I know I live in hell

Without it
Who would I be?
Without it
What would I see
Without it
I can't believe
In me

I've learned to live
Without calm bliss
I've learned to kiss
Every scar
Every war
My mind

I have to stay
I cannot stray
I'm too afraid
On a deeper level
Then what ifs
And what nots
It seems like it's a lot

To lose
To choose
What to do

I've learned to love me
Even tho I hate me
I've learned to live
Like this
I make my art
I play my part
I'm afraid to change
After 26 years
To become someone else
Is a huge fear
I just learned
To love this girl
With this choice
It could change my world
Change it all
What if I fall
What if I'm mean
What if I'm not clean
What if I'm boring
What if I'm snoring
What if
What if
I'm not me
The pieces I love
The things I hold above
What if they leave
Like everyone else
What if I can't believe
In the father above
What if I'm gone

Tell me
If I choose this
What if???
Hello Daisies Jul 2023
Old memories flood in me
So so many
Storms of memories
Of you
Of me
Of everything
I once dreamed

I was so deeply in love
never to touch
I wanted to know you
I wanted to show you
My heart

I saw magic
With us
You are why
I believed in
The sky
At night
At sunlight
The moon
The romance
The perfect chance
To steal
A kiss
To feel
The bliss

I remember it
So vividly
I held onto you
You kept me living
Full of
You helped me
So many demons
You helped me
For so many reasons

I never could thank you
You might find me crazy
You probably always knew
The crush I had on you
It was awkward
Yet sweet
And charming

I love you
not in that way
I adore you
For helping me
Most nights
I wanted to die.
when I saw you
My hope shined through
You gave me a chance
To sparkle
To shine
To leave my pain

I kept a photo of you
To never forget
To never regret
I treasured every moment
They were small moments
Meant nothing to you
I was just a small girl
In your large world,
But you were everything
To me

Never mean to me
You spoke to me
You were kind to me
That's all I needed
You were beauty
To me
In my eyes
You gave me reason
To realize
I could love
I could climb above
And feel
It all
Feel the helpless
Feel the imaginary
Feel my heart
Beging to

You gave me
I needed
To be a girl
You gave me a
Whole entire

I had a chance
To grab ahold
To have you
To find us
To see it through
I decided
It's best to
only pretend
To know
All of you
I never want
The magic
The secret
To go away
I want the romance
I dreamed of
To stay
So to you
I strayed
I ran far away
Part of me wanted to play
all of me knew
To keep away
So I can hold onto
My feelings
My hope
Of girlhood
Of a sweet, Romantic
I clung to so tight
I never wanna see
A night
Where that could be tarnished

So thank you
For being my
Sweetest crush
For the most
Innocent of lust
For letting me
Without limitations
For letting my mind
Run wild
With imagination
It kept me alive
It kept me burning
With passion

Thank you so much
For the beautiful journey
And lesson
Thank you
For being you
You have no idea
Of what you saved me
Hello Daisies Jun 2023
Talking about whose line
Offers to **** my spiders
Hey do you want a bug lol
Excuse me ??!
Jealousy from a distance
Prank texts at 2am
Eating spaghetti at the bar
Saying no and regretting it from
Chugging Two long island ice teas
Texting you I wanted to see
The smoke coming out your house
Fruit roll ups the next day
Stupid **** we would say
Crisp October
Cinderella and a warm hoodie
Made me swoon all afternoon
Walking passed you with my head down
Why did you ignore me I deserved a hello
grey hoodie
My sister said you looked cute

I got this for you *** we're just friends
It means nothing
Pink and red valentine's day
Made my heart sway
Pink floofy hoodie
Jumping into my arms
I don't wanna care about  you
I really really like like you tho
Head on your shoulders
I like you too

Feeling hurt and alone
Texts from afar wishing my mother a safe recovery
Purple shirt as a first gift
For Christmas
I started to miss

Notes left on the table
Welcoming me to your home
Warm hugs
Fun piggy backs
Cuddling to Austin powers
Warmth with no covers

Making love
Without having ***
Laughing on the couch
Music playing
You kept saying
We're destined
We're meant to be
Pinky promise of eternity
Blacking out on each other

Telling everybody
I'm your girl
Kissing me on the lips
In front of them
Gave me a confused grin

Helping me buy a car
Traveling with me afar
Meeting my parents
Will you be my girlfriend
The moment
The moment
The biggest moments

Taylor swift lover
My heart's been broken
Yours has been bruised
Dancing in Grandview
Dancing with you
Holding you
Falling on you
Grieving with you
These are the moments
I always knew

Surprise stuffed animals
Birthday cakes
Love messages on my windshield
Staying with me when I was stood up
Steak dinners
And pasta nights
Puking on you
What a lovely night

Driving to new York
Niagara falls
Beautiful sights of all
Bob Evans
Twix and pizza
Alligators on the ceiling
What a funny feeling
Even the most simple of memories
Peanut butter and jelly
You made for me
The most simple
Yet special
The biggest moments
Are so small
But best of all
I'll never forget
The sweetness
The cold breaths
The hot ***
I'll never forget the warmth
Of your hoodie
The first time
I'll hold it forever
I'll never forget the pounding
In my heart
With the words  to
jump start

Driving in that car
Pink shirts to match
I'll always hold onto
Even if I can't recall
The words spoken
I'll still remember
The moments
The special tokens
Of us
Of us
A surplus
Of love
With fruit roll ups
Hello Daisies Jun 2023
I'd sit up all night
For the big event

Then it would come
And go
Come and go
Ever so
Then it's gone

I'd wait for so long
Then it's gone

As a child
I couldn't wait
To be 16
Sixteen came
And went
I can barely recall
The time spent
At sixteen

As a teen
As a child
As a young adult
It comes and goes
Comes and goes
Ever so
Til it's gone
Doesn't this feel wrong

I wait so long
For memories
That were once strong
To fade along
The shore line
Til they sink
Sink down
Never found

Every memory
Every moment
Goes away
Fades away
We all try to ignore it
All try to stay
Like it's normal
To live this way
These short lives
Meaningless til we
All eventually die
And all we have
All we hold
Is memories
Waiting to unfold
Then fade
Come and go
Come and go
Til they're gone
To just dust
The wind carries it away
Never even a last word to say
It's just gone

Maybe that's why we have
They stick with us
They stay with our hearts
We sing to them
We never forget
The melodies
That touch us so
Even if they fade
They still find a way
To stay

They come and go
Come and go
But the melody helps us
Remember it so
Ever so

It's all I hold onto
The melodies
Of all my memories
Because they are fading
Fading ever so
It hurts me to hold
What wants to be let go
It hurts
To see my life
Keep passing by
I have no power
To slow
Slow anything down
So I turn up the sound
Of the melodies
To keep me above

It all comes and goes
Comes and goes
Til it's gone
Ever so
But the melodies
That play in tune
With your soul
They hold you
They slow you
They show you
What you are missing
What you are grasping for
That's what the songs are for

Til it's all gone
I'll hold on
To every song.
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