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Hello Daisies Jun 16
It feels like forever
Since I heard this call
Forever
Since I wanted to fall
It's been so long
I almost forgot it all

Months went by
Not a tear went down
Days and days
And I forgot the sound
Where was I

Bottled up it seems
I forgot all my dreams
I thought it was better
To forget the weather
The storms I know so well

I wasn't myself
I couldn't even tell
I forgot how to scream
I forgot my breaking seems

Now it's called back
The oceans wave
Don't fall into the grave
Over flooding tidal waves
Hit me suddenly but slowly

I remember who I am
The voices called me again
I'm a ship at wreck
A pirate drowing
A voyager lost at sea
This is me

I'm a emotional wreck
I was *******
Lost my name
But the ocean called me
And surely I came
Just writing my emotions lol
Hello Daisies Jun 13
I'm lost
Not in any wonderland
Inside my own brain
Inside this dead land
There's not much light
I'm not sure where to go
Where to even begin

I've been stuck
In the same place
I thought I escaped
To be free
But only to escape
To my own hell
No longer others torture
Just my own

Is this freedom
I know not what to do with it
I had fun
I drew the colors
I sang and believed
But find myself
Laying still
Going nowhere
But the same hell
In my mind

She screams
To be let go
To sleep
For nothing means anything
Those screams I've heard before
Hit the same
But different
So I cut them
Then rest as they entangle me

Nothing will set me free
❤️
Racing thoughts pain my brain
Some good
Some old
Some new
Theres so many things
Too many things

I don't know what this brings
But I cannot let go
Of the past
The fear
The love
The torture
Still holds me back

In spring it always attacks
The mania
The false happiness
The desire to start anew
But not sure where to
I'm still afraid
I'm lost
I'm a mess
What can I change

I'm ***** my hairs a mange
My house scattered in filfth
I feel it inside me
I drive fast windows down
I feel so much
The memories consume me
The lust
The ****
The bruises
The excitement
All in one flash

I may act rash
My brain is racing
But my body is lazy
It hurts still
How do I let it go
I want to move on
To live a new life
But to hold onto the old
I cannot do this

Mania mania mania
Screaming screaming
Ahhhhhh fun fun fun
Clean! CleAN
C L E AN MY FILFTH
START NEW
RUN
R. U. N.
FASTER
WHERE WHERE WHERE
HELP


I cannot fathom how to let it go
How to breathe in peace
My thoughts forever consume me
They always win
I just want to live
I suppose
Fresh happy and cleansed

When will I learn to breathe ?
I've been away but I felt inspired by the spring time emotions I get
  Jul 2020 Hello Daisies
Amanda Hawk
Fingertips linger upon skin
I trace my answers
As if my hands are mouths
Tongues lapping at the salt
The sunrise rests upon you
Layers of pink, orange and yellow
Glisten upon your face
And my gaze
Falls into your eyes
Your name
The horizon upon my tongue
And our love, I devour
Slowly eating with every touch
Hello Daisies Jul 2020
Who am I?
When I look in the mirror I don't see me
Unsure what I see
The girl who stole my identity

She uses my name
She walks with my legs
Talks with my voice
I have no choice
But to go along
But she's not me

Not the scared little girl
Not the abused child
The whiny victim
The addicted teen
With low self esteem

She's not the scars on my body
Picked from self loathing
The obsession with being used
And crying in self pity
She's not the disgusting trash
I've come to know so well

When I look in the mirror
I see flesh
I see a girl
I see nothing
Nothing I know
Nothing I hate

I can't identify with her
I don't know her
I know fear and suffering
Darkness and tears
I do not know light
Or joy
maybe emptiness
But the one in the mirror is not me

She's stolen my identity

Do I want it back ?
Been feeling kinda good lately..not something I'm used to..kinda don't know who I am without the sadness?
Don't know myself at all.
Hello Daisies Jun 2020
The brisk breeze through your hair
The clouds barely covering the moon
The colors that warm your soul
Autumn has always made me feel whole

I always say the best things happen
When the leaves fall down
I'm at my happiest
When the ghost run around

Just so happens that I found a connection
In my costume gown
You gave me a coat
I slept in it all night
It took away my fright

From that moment on
I felt something special
I enjoyed talking with you
Kinda scared to let it go through

As October passed and winter came
The snow fell down another day
Another true bliss of mine
To be covered in snow that shines

As I played as I smiled
I looked upon the stars
I felt warm inside yet Cold outside
There was your home to keep me alright

I thought maybe it's silly
Silly to believe in  the seasons
Crazy to think the stars have reasons
But I truly did believe in

The hope that they bring me
The warmth of their brisk mornings
And their crisp nights
I knew I'd find something just right

I can't speak the words
But I can write them
And what my pen is trying to say is
I love you, and the warmth you bring me
Is even greater then
The lovely bliss of autumn
Or even the soft hope of winter

Thank you for being
Just like the autumn leaves
And falling for me
❤️
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