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Pearl smoke Jan 1
This decade
was nothing But misery,
with heavy pain that
brought many tears.
To finally end off this year.
With a boast to the new,
in which brought me strength
& A path thats now cleared.
I’m happy, for a new decade.
I’m ready for a new start,
This time around,
things will be different.
No more falling apart..
I will hold my self steady
I will hold my self up.
Too much time wasted,
This time I’m building up.

Bye bye 2019,
Bye bye to the 2010’s.
A decade that I will
erase from my life.
1 I’ll never speak on.
a decade I will let go of,
and finally move on.
Pearl smoke Aug 2019
Cried my last river.
drowned in my tears.
Sobbed away the sorrow,
Acknowledging that this is it.
There is no future with him.
For years I held on to something
that was never going to work.
My love for him was pure,
I was dedicated and committed.
I loved Him.
This is it though,
no matter how much I love him
I can't go through any more pain,
Just because I love him
shouldn't mean I have to keep staying
every time he hurts me.
Im hurting so much,
I feel like a fool.
How could I let myself
be treated this way for many years.
How much time I wasted
trying to show how true I was.
what a fool of i.

im tired
im so tired of this
im so tired of trying to get him
to see how hurt I am.
He doesn't care
he never gaf
all evidence and proof is there.
its time I get up
and walk the **** away
Pearl smoke Aug 2019
Why Bother?
Give no ***** of 
Struggle, struggles
Things I’ve struggled through.

Why bother?
Walk away, turn direction.
Watching just to
Insult, tease & bully me?

Roaming, lurking , sneaking
More like picking up amo
To fire as revenge,
To shoot when stuck in a dead end.
To aim perfectly
Knocking me down for your defense.

Just leave,
Why stay if your only here to offend.
only here to  backlash and cause me pain.

Leave me,
Pearl smoke Aug 2019
One gram, 1 day.
Need to slow down,
line after line.
what exactly am I trying to feel?
obsessing over chopping till fine dust.
spending all the time emptying
out more & more.
trying to feel something.

This isn't my Poison.
Its a replacement,,
subtitiuting my cravings.
Overdose is posible with anything.
am I over doing it?

trying to feel something.
can't tingle ****.
it's upsetting.
I hate it
though here I am..
Pearl smoke Aug 2019
Suicidal thoughts
Have been  entering my
Mind uncontrollably.

& I’m not scared anymore
Pearl smoke Aug 2019
I’ve let the whispers
Of the demons in my head
Turn into comforting melodies
Turn into irresistible desires
They tell me how good
The sin could make me feel
Convince me of solutions
That shouldn’t be options
I let them taunt me
Twist my thoughts around
But in a moment
I am reminded who the enemy is
The demons are not on my side
No matter what they try to offer
Even when the temptation
Sounds exquisite
I have to muster the strength
To fight for my life
Pearl smoke Aug 2019
Been feeling so alone.
I want to go on a zone.
but I don't want to go that far.
I don't want to feel the heavy down fall.
just want to stay above & never fall off.

Thoughts come & go.
Weight of the urge
has been heavy & heavier.
Its begun weighing down on me.
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