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Im on a soft spin
Momma I let the devil in.
Mother Mary pray for me,
don't let Luther win.
its a substance I replace,
to get some feelings to swim.
in my veins to my brains
I love the way he sings.
I fell again but not low, I'm able to swim.
This decade
was nothing But misery,
with heavy pain that
brought many tears.
To finally end off this year.
With a boast to the new,
in which brought me strength
& A path thats now cleared.
I’m happy, for a new decade.
I’m ready for a new start,
This time around,
things will be different.
No more falling apart..
I will hold my self steady
I will hold my self up.
Too much time wasted,
This time I’m building up.

Bye bye 2019,
Bye bye to the 2010’s.
A decade that I will
erase from my life.
1 I’ll never speak on.
a decade I will let go of,
and finally move on.
Cried my last river.
drowned in my tears.
Sobbed away the sorrow,
Acknowledging that this is it.
There is no future with him.
For years I held on to something
that was never going to work.
My love for him was pure,
I was dedicated and committed.
I loved Him.
This is it though,
no matter how much I love him
I can't go through any more pain,
Just because I love him
shouldn't mean I have to keep staying
every time he hurts me.
Im hurting so much,
I feel like a fool.
How could I let myself
be treated this way for many years.
How much time I wasted
trying to show how true I was.
what a fool of i.

im tired
im so tired of this
im so tired of trying to get him
to see how hurt I am.
He doesn't care
he never gaf
all evidence and proof is there.
its time I get up
and walk the **** away
Whats left of us.
What are we doing..
Where do we truly stand
in each other lives?
What meter is Our Respect & love
aiming towards?

We're scribbled.
we are clueless.
1s holding on in fear of loneliness.
The others Holding on in confusion
with what's best for them.

Whats best for us?
We Dot more reasons on why
we make each others life unhappy
than actually happy.

Are we avoiding the reality?
The reality of our love just
not capable of going forward?
The spark we once had died long ago..

What are we holding on to.
Why Bother?
Give no ***** of 
Struggle, struggles
Things I’ve struggled through.

Why bother?
Walk away, turn direction.
Watching just to
Insult, tease & bully me?

Roaming, lurking , sneaking
More like picking up amo
To fire as revenge,
To shoot when stuck in a dead end.
To aim perfectly
Knocking me down for your defense.

Just leave,
Why stay if your only here to offend.
only here to  backlash and cause me pain.

Leave me,
My Heart is broke,
I glued the pieces back together.
Then it happened again,
Once more I glue the fallen pieces.

My love
still goes on for him.
No matter his destruction.

His wrongs stay unspoken.
My bucket filled of tears
is always left unnoticed.

No matter the storm
I hang on tight.
Made a commitment
To loving him long .

It’s hard.
Balancing out the lows
Leveling out the highs.
puzzling everything
To make all his
Broken promises
Appear right.

It’s been a journey ,
A troubled trail
Interfered Within my own life.
It’s been chaotic,

Seeing where I’m
Stepping now ?
Has me empty handed.
Putting all my time
& energy into this
Tornado I call love ..
One gram, 1 day.
Need to slow down,
line after line.
what exactly am I trying to feel?
obsessing over chopping till fine dust.
spending all the time emptying
out more & more.
trying to feel something.

This isn't my Poison.
Its a replacement,,
subtitiuting my cravings.
Overdose is posible with anything.
am I over doing it?

trying to feel something.
can't tingle ****.
it's upsetting.
I hate it
though here I am..
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