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Kushal May 12
Turn on the sounds that wash over my mind,
The sun slips through the windowpanes and past the blinds.
A happy tune on a sunny gloom,
Rise and shine on a catchy line.

Hooked, line and still sinking,
A morning filled with empty thinking.
Tea’s gone cold, barely taste the food anymore,
Everything blurred by the rush of anxiety
Too many things, too many questions, too-- too -- t—


Turn the music up.  
That's better.
Kushal Apr 10
An angel on my shoulder,
But my demons dug in deeper.
It whispers in my ear.
Like a nightmare in my sleep, yeah.

Sometimes I close my eyes and think that I'm a freak,
Every single moment just fumbling on the beat.
It makes me look at myself and think.
Feeling like the ground is stuck to my knees.
Already counted down from three,
Took a deep but the world's still here,
Took a deep breath, but I'm still drowning in my fears.

But I'm
Still trying, still fighting
The devil of me.
Lash out, but I'm the only one in front of me.
It's cold, it's hot, it's hell, it's not,
And I don't know what to believe.

My own worst enemy.
Kushal Apr 7
I've been on the drugs,
Broken arms with the medicine,
Thrown in a hole I never dug,
They say the white walls are for my betterment.

They say it's for the pain,
Say it's for your head.
It must be on the outside,
Inside I feel dead.

Somebody pressed mute on the radio,
Now my volume dial's broke on the stereo.
Nobody hears me scream,
That I wish I could let go.
I wish I could grab ahold.

Looking in the mirror but I don't see me,
Just confusion and some emptiness,
Shakespearean with no remedy.
Woe is me, oh where is me?
I feel like I used to be a better me.

Now my volume dial's broke on the stereo.
Nobody hears me scream,
I wish I could let go.
I wish I could grab ahold

Another one down,
Another one drank.
Another time you tell me I'm fine.
Another time I wish I was.

I guess I'm not dead...
Kushal Nov 2023
Love it when I'm singing this song,
But if I'm really honest
I don't think it'll last long.

I sound crazy, even when I hear myself think,
Clinging onto the past like I'm hanging of the brink--
I'm lost, and I think I found a new me.
Now torn between my past and a new faced reality.

Slowly come to know myself,
I show myself,
The things I really want from myself.
I think I know how I can help,

Now with a new beat.
Life came and challenged me
To be a better me,
Stepping to a different melody,
A path that feels like destiny.
If I don't trip over my feet,
Clinging to a memory.
Kushal Oct 2023
Something is amiss.
Fingers follow down the pages, but nothing reads right.

Wail and pain, silenced by familiarity.
Where is the line that was crossed over?

What hidden laws have been broke?
Those that impose a silent suffrage,
Ceasing manifestations of life.

Who dares curse a tree not to bare its leaves,
A bird to be without wings,
And a heart to be hollow?
Kushal Oct 2023
Dreams aren't real, right?
They're just figments of a rampant mind
Anxiously piecing together the world that surrounds, right?

Why do I see you at morning noon and night,
Disrupting the schedules of trains in my mind,
You bring forth questions to a heart yet undefined.

I miss you.
That much I know.
At least...
That much
I can admit.
Kushal Oct 2023
I've been thinking about what love is...
And I've not a clue.

A home, safe from the tides that bash against shores?
Where one may rest a heavy head, without a need for alertness?

Or is it a challenge, one fought with an eager grin?
A back and forth where blades are forged sharper than before?

What of a mix? The two intertwined?
What or why? Oh, what and why?
When a tug beckons the heart
What does it mean?
I've not a clue.
Old timey phrasings feel more poetic and dramatic in my head, like an elegant performance set forth upon a stage, where chandeliers light a performance un-needing of further brightness.
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