By now,
I am just so **** sick of caring

From within my
Glass house
I keep a pillow
Full of stones
To lay my
Weary head
A chest full of
Bricks
To build my bed
And a cabinet
Full of molotovs
In case I need
A drink

Pardon my presence,
But I'm waiting for a friend

Excuse my desolation,
he said he'd be here in a minute

Sorry I'm in your way,
I thought he might call

I can't move, no, he won't see me
if I'm not right where he told me to wait

I apologize for inconviniencing you,
but I'm waiting for a friend

He said he'd come
He said he'd call
He said he'd be here

I'll move my bag

Here, let me get out of your way

No, I don't need a ride

I was waiting for a friend,
he said he'd stop by

I've seen you cry one too many times this year.

and it's too late for an apology- but I will say this:

You waited anxiously for nine months for my adoption papers and immigration requirements to make or break the family you wanted to raise. Thank you.

When I came home crying in the ninth grade, begging to change schools because the girls in my class wouldn't stop calling me "*****", you tore up your roots and left all your friends so that you could give me an opportunity to be happy. Thank you.

After you caught me lighting fires in the kitchen during the last stretch of middle school, you dug to the depths of your wallet and entered me in therapy sessions. Thank you.

Midnight of the week I was supposed to go to London, you came down to the bus stop that I was waiting at with all the emergency vehicles. You checked me into a psychiatric hospital as soon as I was released from police custody in the hopes that a clinical environment would help me heal faster. Thank you.

When you found out that I had put myself into a dangerous situation, you locked down my personal things and put passwords and restrictions around me so I would be safe from the predators of this society. Thank you.

All those times I chose not to come home, all those times I locked myself in the bedroom and wouldn't speak- It was guilt. How could I face the one person who has essentially given up everything for me, just to tell her I'd made another mess that she'd have to clean up?

How could I come home to the thought that I'd failed yet again?

How could I say to my mother, who has sacrificed unquestioningly each and every day so that I could have the comfortable life I've lived, that I wasn't able to be the bigger person?

That I lost another friend, that I'd broken a law, that despite the happy home environment she'd done everything she can to create– I still found myself wanting to die at night. That I still couldn't see past the disappointments of my errors.

You've done everything for me without complaint, and on this day I couldn't be ****** enough to even say "good morning."

It's too late for an apology, but I will say this:

I cannot see myself being big enough to support the two of us in the way that you have. I cannot imagine giving up the freedoms and the niceties that you have for me. I cannot grasp the concept of selflessness over selfishness.

Mom, I love you.

Please forgive me for being so difficult.

My question is

How is there shame for the guiltless but no guilt for the shameless?

Why should we feel sorry for the unapologetic?

Why do we glorify the victimized and discredit the victim?

Who do we look at with judgement in our eyes?

I sometimes think I'm like a web site
in a way that's a bit hard to understand

Every day, people use me
Every day, people get frustrated with me
Every day, people- somehow -love me

And every day, someone finds the parts of me that haven't been patched up yet
The parts that are 'buggy' and unresponsive

They never look twice
because to them I'm just a dumb site with a broken link

******* isn’t a very pretty word, so let’s pretend it wasn’t. We’ll say it was... love.
Or do they call it making love? Does it matter if that wasn’t what it was?
Recall I don’t love you and neither you me. It doesn’t really matter because what will we ever be?
Curled up next to you almost made me think I was happy. I’ll say it was... infatuation.
Enamored, maybe, I was. But then again you were only using me, weren’t you darling?
Don’t pretend you don’t remember those three nights. I can help you out if you’d like.

Teasing was all it was supposed to be. Do you remember the taste of my lips? I remember yours.
Re: not the ones on your face. But from a legal standpoint, do you know what you did?
All that fun we had? You drugged me, used me, and took advantage of me. I swear you did.
Unless I was high the whole time, I’m fairly certain your boyfriend was filming us.
Might I add that he could be arrested for exploiting a minor?
And you, too, for ****. But don’t worry, we were just *******. Right?

But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone that. What we made was love, remember?
Love, like when you spiked my coffee. Love, when you watched me strip. Love...
Uncouth is how I would describe the things we said to each other. Bad words, bad words.
Now I just want to tell you one thing, and don’t take it the wrong way.
Te amo, mi amor. I hope you burn in hell but only when you treat me well.

Doesn’t it all get to me in the mornings
Before i’ve eaten anything
before I’ve done my hair and makeup
i build up my walls and open the gates
because someone promised me
id get something today

but it was all for nothing
because its over before it started
and now I’m alone on the couch
with a bottle of irish coffee
waiting for the pills to kick in

I was hoping you'd notice my absence.
I wanted you to be hurt when you realised
that I didn't say goodbye.

I was hoping you'd assume that I
no longer want you in my life.
I wanted you to cry when you realised
I had cut you out of my life.

I was hoping you'd know what you'd lost.
I wanted you to be in pain when you realised
that you almost had me, but now I'm
gone.

headstrong is a simple word. Impulsive, touchy, emotionally-driven-
you tell me to grow up and stop acting like a child and yet you decide to
perpetuate a situation that actually makes you look immature. Funny, cuz
on one hand, you didn't want to act childish but then you turn around,
carelessly spill random details in the hopes to look good. An attempt to be
ratified. You want the upper hand, but in doing that you've made your
inferiority clear as day. I would explain this to you further sweetheart but
the warning signs all say "do not dive headfirst into shallow waters."
even if you were worth the time and effort, I haven't the heart or patience.

A tribute to the shallow scars on my back
from the peeling edges of her 6-inch heels
when her knees were on my shoulders
and I teased the alphabet into her lips

Homage to the bruises on my neck and chest
from her strawberry-wax coated lips
when her blunt white teeth scraped words
across my skin

Here’s to the video footage we captured
with her laptop camera, sitting on a desk
Broadcasting us both to the other side of the world

Ode to your girlfriend, screaming my name
Ode to her fingers and tongue
Ode to your girlfriend, taste-testing me
Ode to making her

I woke up to screaming
no- I woke up screaming.

Your pallid, rotting face leering
above my lips

Icy steel between my bones,
hot wet rivers down my cheeks

A wash of pastel colors
and furious drumbeats

Laughter,
echoing

and your memory taunting me:

******* right    **you should be scared of me

I found something today, in an odd place

I stumbled upon it and it was all. Fragmented

Alone, pierced, and abused

I wasn't sure what it was at first, but upon looking closer I saw it
and barely recognized it

It was something I'd lost a long, long time ago

And here it was before my eyes: dead, broken, and hidden

My whole **** life is a déjà vu

Yesterday, I could've sworn I'd lived the same moment
Maybe in a past life?

What if my "past life" is exactly the same as this one?

Then what?
Am I stuck?
Can I change anything?

Will I always have a sickening sense of vertigo when I see a 'new' face?

I've lived the new things, I've seen the new faces

Maybe I've been tossed into this life because I lived it wrong the first time

Something tells me I might just live it again

so who does that make me?
am I one person?

or six?

do you exist?
or are you some twisted nightmare I live again and again

if I **** myself, will I die? Or wake up to the next circle of hell?

if I'm delusional
where does my reality stand?

1) I want one thing from you:

Love, attention, love & attention
Pay attention to my love

2) I want nothing from you

No love, no care, no attention
Leave me grinning and bare

3) I don't want you

Your heart is too full,
there is no room for me

4) I want your best

Say "no", I dare you
Give to me gifts
Give to me YOU

5) I want one thing from you

Deny Me Nothing

Maybe we cling to what isn’t real

So when I found you I latched on for life

And I knew it would fall to pieces, because it started out not quite whole

If you were looking for a girl, she died long ago

I stayed by the sides of the one’s who silenced my cries for help

Who told me keep quiet, put my safety on a shelf

I was so innocent...

That’s my appeal

Pretend I have the body of a child, but a grown woman’s mind

Because actually having the body of a child wasn’t a clear enough line

You jump in the deep end not knowing what you’ll find

An ocean full of corpses and bits of a hopeless mind

You’ll reach out to touch only to watch me cringe because the last one who ever saw

my skin

Told me he loved me

Told me he was there for me

Told me to leave my friends behind

Told me that only he could make me happy

If I went with him, he promised to be kind

He told me he loved me

And the boundaries of his love were based on how much skin was in his sight

Everybody leaves, blaming me, saying I didn’t try

I’m too sad to live, too much of a coward to die

Maybe the truth is that I put on a smile, because I’m too tired to cry

I want to be wanted, but no one wants ME

I’m the reason everybody leaves.

I’m a vapid *****

I’m a stupid *****

I’m a Russian-*******-doll, nothing inside me but me myself and I

I’m useless, can’t you tell? I’m not worth keeping around

I’m a warning sign

I’m a wailing siren

I can’t even be bothered to keep my feet on the ground

So when the opportunity came, I fell into whatever arms would hold me

But they were the same ones that broke me

Because the last one who ever saw my skin,

Called me “his”

I was the apostrophy at the end of his name

Because what we had was a cat and mouse game

And you...

You were quite the same

It was my fault, I know

Thinking that two broken people could come together as whole

I’d lie awake next to you, imagining happiness

Is this it? Is love supposed to feel like this?

I thought that maybe what I needed was someone to fix me

But that didn’t explain why I felt so empty every time you kissed me

And being with you was like drowning in liquor

the more you have, the sips get quicker

But too much of a good thing makes you want to *****

Stand over the toilet till your nose is hearing comets

And you.

You told me you loved me.

I’m so sorry

I’m so so sorry I said it too

I’m sorry I got all hung up, sending texts “when can I see you”?

I’m sorry the only time you heard a compliment is when our legs were wrapped together

I’m sorry the only admiration I gave you was in response to pictures on the phone

I’m sorry, so sorry for what I became

Because for once I had the upper hand in this sick little game

See,

He told me I was beautiful, but only in the sheets

He told me that he wanted me, drunk and half asleep

He told me that he cared, but only if he approved of the clothes I would wear

I only loved you with a bottle in my hand

I only needed you in an empty bed

I only wanted you when you started to show that you didn’t want me, too

I’m sorry, so sorry for what I became

But you told me you loved me.

And then you got up and left

I’m a vapid *****

And a stupid *****

I’m a broken doll you didn’t need anymore

Everyone leaves, no one says why

The least you could have said was a simple goodbye.

I've been hit by a wave of helplessness

A feeling of imminent something
that's about to happen

I see it most, clouded in red, when I'm in my room faced with a mountain of "not done yet"

I feel it most when on scales, unevenly balanced and soon to tip

Stay? Go?
Hold on? Let go?

I'm with it most when I see the boxes spilling from every corner of my life

Memories screaming dont leave me
Don't leave me

I live it most when tearing down photos, ripping down paintings,
giving away keepsakes

I taste it in the air when I'm driving with the windows down,
Wind roaring at me, children's rhymes taunting

I can smell it in the foods I eat,
the restaurants I might never see again

I hear it loudest in the words I speak, goodbyes all waiting at the back of my tongue
Yet shy of hellos still to come

I live it when I pack my bags,
zip and unzip my suitcases

I am tortured by it while I consolidate my life down into a single box

A feeling
A valley
A sinking, dreaded chasm

I'm standing on the edge

Of unfinished business

Shouldn't have to go to rehab.

They shouldn't have to spend a month,
surrounded by other ****-ups who are ruining their lives,
to get their **** together before their family disowns them

Girls your age shouldn't be addicts.

They shouldn't have drinking problems,
manic spending,
kleptomania,
or a coke problem

Girls your age
shouldn't have problems.

You're seventeen. Shut up and get a job.

He gets off
on watching you
with me

You made him ***
when he saw you
underneath me

His hand in his pants
when he saw you
covered in hickeys
from me

Do you remember
when he begged
to watch you
interlace your tongue
with mine

You made him moan
when you were on your back,
*******, by me

He loves to watch you
*with me.

I hadn't spoken to her in two years
I don't think she remembered my name.

I still had her phone number,
though I hadn't ever called

She broke me when she left
Or when I left her

The months went on and turned to years
I still hadn't healed

I was so, so angry
So I looked up her number

Opened up a text

And on August 21st, 2014
I sent:

"Happy birthday,
Selfish *****."

one, two
buckle your shoes

three four,
open the doors

five, six
seven more tricks

nine and ten,
writing in pen

eleven, twelve,
don't hurt yourself

thirteen, fourteen
fifteen years

sixteen, seventeen
eighteen pills

nineteen, twenty
and thirty will ****


I promise, sweetheart,
you'll be beautiful

so come on sing with me:

one, two,
three more pounds


a couple more,
you’ll be **safe
and sound

I've gotten into the habit
of sleeping with friends

I'm not guilty of ****,
don't get me wrong

But I do have issues
ask anyone

And honestly
I'm not sure where
or how I get off

There's something about
knowing someone forever

and then knowing them
completely differently
the next day over

I thought maybe
this could be my chance
to get what I've always wanted

though it was probably a mistake
to think he wanted me like this

probably a mistake
to think he wanted me at all

No, I wasn't drinking
Yes, I was dressed "provocatively"

No, I didn't come on to him
I didn't say he could touch me
No, I wasn't giving him "bedroom eyes"
No, I didn't lead him on

Yes, I shared a cab with him
No, I didn't say he could put his hands on me
Yes, I was naive
No, I didn't say I wanted to put my hand or my head in his lap
No, I didn't ask the taxi driver to help me
No, I didn't refuse to let him put his fingers in me

No, I didn't tell him I wanted to go home then
Yes, I let him take me to his apartment
Yes, I let him take my clothes off
Yes, I let him inside me
No, he didn't use a ******
Yes, I took a morning after pill

Yes, I regret it

But he didn't ask,
so I didn't say no

i shoot candy coloured liquor into my veins
and sing high notes I can't hit

i killed a man once with my words
and was convicted of a felony I had nothing to do with

I guard myself from a cruel world I've never seen
and poets say they talk to their hearts

But I don't talk to my heart
my heart talks to me

of trying to keep a schedule
trying to stay updated
pleasing my **** fans

im getting sort of tired
of trying to be... "deep"
"thought-provoking"
and "pithy"

**** that.

i do not write to please you
i do not write because i want "votes"
and "comments"

i do not write to even keep my sanity in check
not anymore

i write because something nags me so much
that i either turn it into words

or **** myself

simple as that.

so please
please do not think
that my oh-so-romantic poetic suffering
is all for you

it's not.
it most definitely is not.

no one gave any ***** about me,
so I don't have any ***** to give to you darling

When I turned sixteen, I brought a girl home drunk and stumbling
A day later, I was interviewed by the government criminal investigation
Two months later, she was disowned by her parents
Last I heard, she's at a rehab in Florida

It's been a long time since I've seen her.

When I was fourteen, I hid cigarettes in my backpack, and lighters in my wallet
Used to sit in the middle of a basketball court and watch my stress float away in a noxious grey cloud
I stashed my twelve dollar pack of coors in a bush behind the half-wall

It's been a long time since I've seen those.

I was thirteen when I found a papercutter in the drawer of the art room.
Took it home with me, fell asleep to the sound of it scathing in and out of its sheath
I once got so frustrated I wanted to slice my throat with it
I threw it out the window

It's been a long time since I've seen it.

When I was fifteen, I went out with friends and got wasted on chocolate liquor
Two weeks later, *****
the day after, tequila
and the week before, strawberry daiquiri
I don't remember much.

It's been a long time since I've done that.

When I was thirteen, I wrote poetry to sort out my emotions

It's been a long time since I've done that...

but she's dead now. I've called it an accident for years now,
it's like an inside joke between me myself and all my secrets

I'm not a killer,
I promise. Ignore the broken spine and lifeless eyes, I promise you I didn't **** her because I'm not a killer.

Sure she hit the ceiling. Sure she hit the floor, sure I heard her last breath and realised she wasn't screaming anymore.

But I'm not a killer. No, I swear I didn't **** her.

You'll never hear from her, but it wasn't me of course not. I would never **** her, because *I am not a killer.

Sometimes I want to just
erase everything

Start over

Redo

I want to take back the things I said

I want to start over with you,
let me introduce myself

I want to redo
All of my mistakes

Because I'm not sure if I learned from them

So let's just erase
Everything that happened

Make new mistakes
And learn to be

Imperfect

of faking smiles,
pretending im okay

im very very tired
of breaking and beating myself
trying to fit into your cage

im very very tired
of hearing "how are you"s on campus
and knowing that a fleeting friendly second isn't enough to explain

im very very tired
of going out at night and drinking my problems away

im very very tired
of selling myself to feel like i have worth

im very very tired
and sleep just isn't helping

that when you love someone,
You love them with everything

You love them with their hurt

You love them with their scars

You love them with their tears,
and you love with all your heart

I think I may have found that,

Slightly broken and well-worn

But what's love without its hiccups,
most disease can be cured

But I'm still waiting for that someone,

to see me as I am

I'm waiting for that someone

to be here and now

You love someone with everything

Scars, tears, and hurt

They will love you in return
with your scars tears and hurt

And they will love you beyond their own pain

And I'm waiting.

I've got my heart right here,
I've got my scars right here

Maybe.

My world isn't falling apart
so much as it's **crumbling

I am so ******* happy
for the first time in years

Finally no more sitting
on the ground
choking back tears

Can I rejoice?

To be a stupid pawn
in this game called Life
was not my choice

But oh, thank god
thank god, thank god,

It's over.
It's over and we don't have to talk about it anymore.

Do it for me, or else, he said.
Who would you call for help? Who would care?
Guilty as sin to whoever's looking in, better do it now.

Do it for me, or else, he said.
Go ahead try to hide, try to lie if they pry.
Guilty as sin. Better do it now before someone looks in.
It's as much your fault as it was his.

Go ahead, try to lie. Try to hide if they pry.
You should know better, better than him.
It's as much your fault as it was his.
You're naive as a dog, begging for meat.

He should know better, better than you.
One night gone awry turned a girl into two.
Begging for meat, naive as a dog.
He was the father of a daughter born from violence.

One night gone awry turned a girl into two.
Who would care? Who would you call for help?
The father of your daughter born from violence.
It was painful.

but i watched the way you tilted your head last night
studied how you looked at the screen

wrote into my permanent memories how
the light cast shadows in your hair

from where I was sitting, I was looking at you from the knees up
and couldn't help but think

how much I wanted to paint pictures on your neck
with my lipstick

She's pretty and she's popular, so she must be a

She's friendly and she's giving, so she must be a

She's loud and she's mean, so she must be a

She dresses in long skirts and covers her hair, so she must be a

She wears shorts so tight they don't button, so she must be a

She's quiet and she cries, so she must be a

She doesn't talk to anyone so
She talks to everyone so
She does this
She does that

She acts like this, she dresses like that so we have to put a label on her

Simply put, I'd like to call her a girl

Up to the looking glass
you can see
none too clear

A pink hazed unreality
beckoning your touch

A myriad of music notes
pulling your hand

Your own voice covers you
in a blanket of warmth
humming to you
still, still, still

Inside the looking glass
you can see
none too clear

A gray clouded fantasy
begging for your taste

A shattered vanity
sinking into your teeth

Your own voice covers you
in a blanket of warmth
humming to you
shh, shh, shh

"What did you do?"
Nothing
"What did you do?"
.... Nothing
He stared me down
for a solid minute
"What did you do?"
I stayed quiet
"What did you do?"
I...
"What?"
"What. Did. You. Do?"
I hooked up with...
"What? Louder?"
Evan
He stared me down
Unblinking
Turned his head away
Didn't speak to me
when I tried to change
the conversation topic
"Hey?"
Nothing
"Did you know, uh,"
silence
"that snails grow their shells?"
I tried to break the quiet
Slowly, measuredly
he said in even tones
"Get your ****."
I was quiet this time
"Go."
What?
"I said get
your ****
and

that i did not lose my mind
i know exactly where it is

it just is not with me

Let's talk about heartbreak
and the feeling of being torn apart from the inside out.
We'll talk about the relentless waterfalls streaming down your face,
talk about the emptiness and numbness when the hurt is finally done

Let's talk about pain
and the absolute lack of physical ability to even register the effects on your mind.
We'll talk about how much you don't want to talk about it,
talk about how alone you feel and how helpless you think you are

Let's talk about humiliation
and the loss of control.
We'll talk about your need to stay hidden behind plaster walls of makeup,
talk about how you can't even stand to hear your own voice or see your own pretty face

Let's talk about depression
and the lack of emotion
We'll talk about how dark your world is,
talk about how tomorrow is unfathomable and today is unbearable

Let's talk...

Hands, everywhere. All over her back, in her hair, on her neck, on her hips. Pulling her onto a desk, pulling her face close, pulling her hair back. Lips, everywhere. On her own, at her neck, on her hips. Eyes, everywhere. On her face, on her body.

The desk, cold and solid against her back, hands hot on her thighs. Lips soft on her neck, fingers rough inside her. First one, slow and easy. Then two, pumping rhythmically. Then three, stretching her to her limits. Lips left her neck, a bruise to remember them by. A hand grabs her hip and pulls her forward. A head between thighs, breathing her in. Soft, timid lips on her skin. Two hands spread her thighs apart and a tongue tastes her, hot and rough. It makes a home between her hips, tasting every drop of her anticipation.

A different hand meets her neck. Another joins it and pulls her in, leaning her forward legs still apart with a tongue buried inside.

related to childhood emotional abuse or neglect...
not to be confused with derealization or 'fantasy prone personality'

maladaptive daydreaming is seeing your face when I fall asleep at night
or hearing your voice in a children's store

"Come look! Look at these shoes!", and seeing you scramble at a pair of sandals

Big brown eyes begging me to buy them as "an early birthday present, just this once."

Maladaptive daydreaming
is blinking and not even having time to register the fact that you'd disappeared

and I was standing alone in the children's shoe aisle,
on my knees holding a pair of sandals
and feeling that same twist in my gut that I did on the day

the papers were signed and my passport was stamped,
to get on a plane to another country

without so much as waving goodbye

Maladaptive daydreaming is crying through anti-abortion rhetoric
and sympathising with teenage mothers

it's seeing you smile behind a nikon camera, calling
"Look at this pretty picture I took! See, see?"

and then realising that I was only smiling at a fallen camera in the sand

Maladaptive daydreaming
is regretting a choice I didn't make

it's steeling my jaw at immature jokes
and relating to all those children raising children

Maladaptive daydreaming
is regretting giving up a daughter
I never had

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive /

this **** is impressive / Got ghosts in my mind, but I’ll be addressin’ / This **** in my head that’s got me depressed / Workin’ my hardest, trying my best / tryna escape, can't get out of bed / Word on the street is I’m losing my head / Fight me, I dare you / C’mon go ahead / I’ve been sittin on diamonds under my bed / Stole a whole paycheck and left that boy dead

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Depressive Depressive / Manic Depressive,

this **** is impressive / Tryna escape, can’t get out of bed / Listen to these voices inside my head: Blood and it’s spilling out of my veins / Onto the bed sheets / Leaving red stains / Can’t help but wonder / If maybe this pain / Will just go away if I bleed down the drain

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Depressive Depressive /

Ah, ****. I just missed my train.
Whatever, I’ll come back and ride it again

Manic, Depressive /

A little obsessive / Standing on rooftops wearing my messes / Know I could jump / Know that it’s reckless / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Depressive Depressive Depressive Depressive / Took all my pills, Why am I stressin? / Can’t even look at my ******* reflection / Had all my meds / Why’m I still crying? / Doesn’t the world see that I’m dying? / Can’t help but feeling, there’s no denying / Hate that I’m worthless / Hate that I’m crying / I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying /

/ I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying /

Manic Depressive / I’m on top of the world / Just earlier today, I met this cute girl / And maybe she loves me, maybe she don’t / I want her to know that --- love her? I won’t / Manic Depressive / I’m crying I hate it / I saw the sunrise but I’m really debating / What I will say in my last moments / Goodbye to God and Hello to Satan /


Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Manic- It’s come down to this / Why I’ve been waiting, / It’s come down to this / Why I’ve been waiting / right now it’s Game Day / No hesitating

/ I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying /

Here comes the train, no more delaying / shaking the rails / standing between / Heaven and Hell / and then someone yelled -

Fell out of the way / at the sound of the horn / surrounded by dust, coughing a storm /
Look back at the tracks, see only fear / I’m a ******* coward / Can’t believe I’m still here

Manic Depressive / Depressive / Depressive: Now I’m just sinking / Back into bed / Can’t shut off these voices inside my head / I’m shaking, I’m screaming: Why Aren’t I Dead?

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Now I’m regressing: / Found some guy, says that I’m cute / Don’t want what he’s got but I guess this will do / He looks at me like / Maybe I’ve got a clue / But really I don’t and I know it won’t last / I’m just reliving my painful past / I’m hoping he’ll take me somewhere away - away from my body, away from my brain / but all that he does is add to my pain / he calls me his Kitten / Says I’m so great / I’m wondering if maybe I made a mistake

Manic, Depressive / Massive attack / I’ve gotten to this place / Where I’ve come detached / Nothing makes sense / nothing is fact / I’m half locked away / Just shut the latch

/ Manic, Depressive / This **** is Impressive / Manic, Depressive / Just shut the latch
Manic, Depressive / I can’t even speak / Manic, Depressive / but I know I’m not weak

I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying

Manic:
synonyms: mad, insane, deranged, demented, maniacal, lunatic, wild, crazed, demonic, hysterical, raving, unhinged, unbalanced etc;

Depressive:
causing feelings of hopelessness, despondency, and dejection.

Manic
******* pairs of strangers every weekend, because them thinking you're desirable cures the hollowness for a minute or two

Depressive
Letting a man tie you to a bed and rip the skin off your shoulder with his teeth because you deserve to hurt

Manic
Getting higher than you've ever been so you can have an excuse to scream

Depressive
Crying at night and pretending its loneliness that's ******* you up

Manic
Driving a car you stole from your sister, even though you don't have a license or a clue where you're headed

Depressive
Drinking tequila during class so you can prove to yourself that you really are a badass

Manic
Dressing like a ******* and letting random men get you in their cars

Depressive
Punching a wall so hard your knuckle breaks

Manic
Calling yourself hot **** while you sob over the sink and then laugh at the world's beauty

Depressive
****

Manic*
****

I thought about how much you hated my drinking habit.

I've decided to smoke a cigarette for every night you made me cry.

You like games, don't you?

Here, let's play...

Whoever dies first-
wins.