I don't want to shoot,
I don't want to win
I don't want to 'fight' the way we were trained,
I'll fight with my heart and a can of white paint.

Wounded flags fatefully fall.
Under the spell your command.
But watch me you will, I'll make them true,
Watch me you will, as I make them free.
We don't belong to you.

I'll brush them clean, with the truth of our tears,
Unwilling participants of the sick game,
We never wanted to play.

I don't want to shoot,
I don't want to win
I don't want to 'fight' the way we were trained,
I'll fight with my heart and not with your aims.
I'll fight for us all,
For we all die the same.

Distance, is this air around me that is vacant of you.
Your heart, so far from mine, though I can hear it’s music.
Patience, is the belief that time without you is bearable.
Seconds slowly scrape along the line I drew to wake.
Nothing matches this ache.

of opening eyes to mornings, without your laughter.
Closing them is redundant,
it does not permit me back, to revisit the dream I had left you in.
Eyes instead reluctantly greet the sunrise,
whilst yours are still dancing, flickering, in the gift sleep brings.
I wonder if your searching for me.

Impatient hands long to pull you prematurely out of slumber. Reaching across this border in vain, restless mind teasing me,
as it thinks of holding you, kissing you, here. now.
Dare I soften the white peaks of the mountains that part us?
I mustn’t, thinks the patient witness of time I’ll wait for you on the other side my dear...join me, soon, I wait eagerly.

We run stiffly,
in tailored suits.
Shiny, but firm,
leather boots.
Never again?
to be free and loose with our feet?
like we did when we were kids?
We run as much as our capacity and tolerance allow..
Swiftly,
but straight.
with restraint .
As to not shake, at our dignity

love the person whom it isn't easy to,
where we find hearts hardest beat.
past pain holds us back from bloom
don’t hang that heart in defeat.
Petals will still spring buds anew,
love is closer than you think.

for ‘Love’ is,
to love the ‘you’ you’re offering.

grow strength from within, to reach out.
the way roots spread, to hold longer branches,
and fall short, when watered with doubt.
turning trust into lust and torn into ashes.
loves whisper can’t be heard if we shout,

for time, is worth it’s weight,
and to find yourself amoungst it.

As the wiser stars above will say,
if you love yourself little,
so will be your love and what you own.
so love yourself a great deal,
and grow colours you’d forgot you’ve sewn.

Waste,
is all effort denied.
It clasps you, at your base.
Shame, lives here,
Nothing. To erase.

Madness,
is to not find yourself,
once you've searched eternities.
Amongst the blades of grass,
where the blood fell.

Whether you walk,
Whether you run,
Whether your fingers will it so.
To be undone,
To lose,
To go.

You cannot outrun, what followed you here.
You've held the rope too tightly,
Don't blame the blunt knife.
For what you'd never sever.

Attempts,
are those of waste,
as the anxious heart, keeps it laced.
It knows your face, it made it.
Hurt,
is the pain you make it,
Dragged here. In this place. To shake it.
safe to do so,
to let it go,
now.
you are one.

Cut off this limb
            you
               never  
                  needed,
but had tied, to the soles of your feet.

head down.
low gaze.
weak neck,
thats why.
broken down.
lesson learnt.
weak neck,
can't forget.
night comes,
i cry.

weak neck,
low gaze.

head down.

strong hand.

cards up,
face up,

read me.

There’s an ocean, collected on the other side of the world.
Away from those that taught her destruction.

Learning from the land what it feels like to sink.
What else can she do but weep?
and slowly flood as we sleep...

from the tears,
to the gold.
to the years you hold...
or 'held'.
so easy I forget...
or 'forgot'

Amber, Amber you,
now and forever,
folded into gold.
earthly embrace,
ground must fold...

rest my dear
the years were great.
for now though,
those Amber dreams await...

This mask, so engrained in my mind,
that I forget it resides on the surface of my skin, rather than sunken in.
It slowly, and is, slipping.
Every touch,
Every time,
Loves loving eyes locked on mine.

My curse loosens it’s bind,
As it’s dissolved between us,
surrendering to your affections,
It can’t take loves weight.

Unveiling my colours,
It’s you that pulled the tapestry.
I forgot, of what, I was capable.
Of what, so long, had been hid.

This mask,
Dismantled at my feet.
Lowering my gaze to a shattered past,
Until my chin is met by kind fingertips...

Upwards, my scarred skin, tips,
to face you,
Thankyou

As with flowers and with bone,
the life you lead will be sewn.
and under flesh and weeds,
will lie a soul filled with deeds.
and I hope, upon the greatest descend,
with no-more hearts left to mend,
Before the tears and the dirt,
you'll Smile, for all life is worth.
So when the rain falls and the sun sets,
you'd have loved it all with not one regret.

why do i stop?
why do i look away?
to the wall, to the lamp,
to anything, to refocus, to look.
to not roll back my eyes into dreams with you.
why?
why not let myself lose my mind?
yet?
just yet.
no matter how much i want to fall and forget,
forget myself and how i stand,
or even once had stood,
to let knees bend back and forget their place.
just so,
the way they wish,
the way they should.
why do i stop?
why do i wait?
why?
no doubt in my mind, do not mistake me.
nothing of this is an apprehensive state,
see.
i do not wish to hesitate,
but my past precipitates, integrates and forces me to be sure,
to hold you an inch apart.
wanting more.
i’m so close to drowning,
all i have to do is breath and i’ll be lost in you.
i want more.
an inch away from you,
just and inch,
right now,
needing this,
today an inch,
forever i could miss.

It’s where I want to be,
That place I cannot reach.
And if I dare to look ahead,
it will taunt me, Warn me.
Go back a step instead!

“I’ll never get there!”
My vision starts to blur.
Reaching out with fuzzy hands,
To hold something steadier than my nerve.

But dense is the air and the fear, that wears me like a cloak.
They picked me up like this, they saw that I had broke.
How to step forward, when these shoulders are my home?
Looking back is easier, if you kid yourself you’ve grown.

When you loose a love,
It wasn’t love that you lost,
For it couldn’t have been.

I willingly say the words you need,
again and again without question.
Allowing them to slit through my heart,
If to hear them, is what you need most.
The price to keep yours close.
You split down the length of my bones.

May they cut me, as I speak them.
and burn me, as I feel them leave.
You'll take them,
And thank you,
as you watch me bleed.

There is a space between us,
One that I did not make.
It was crafted by your hands,
But you may not recall, my dear.

Perhaps when teary eyes grew tired,
You built it in your dreams,
Whilst I was holding you.
And now we wake,
to a distance we can’t explain.

Air falls differently here,
The heaviness of a space,
You may not truly want,
But may truly need.

Helplessness lays another brick,
A slave to this magnificent structure,
Ever successful piece by piece,
To house the beast that haunts you.

Tear them down with me
Tear them down without me,
Just please my love,
Don’t add a single brick more.

let the dust settle.
it doesn't take long.
it never does.
gravity calls it.
It's weight decides.

be patient my dear.
air will become clearer
if you promise to be still
as I do too with you.
let us stand
staring into eyes, gazing.
we'll communicate in wordless sighs
waiting.
moving eyes hesitantly across the landscape
that 'dust settling' decides.

Finding you, has been a gift.
As the journeys past falls behind.
Time was but a mear suggestion.
Endings start with you...