11:44 pm
You cry, thinking you’re ‘useless’. Oh baby, if you could only see the potential you have.
No one has ever made me feel this way before  it’s been three hours and sixteen minutes since you left my house.  And every second it gets harder not to be by your side. I have never loved someone this much.  Never thought I’d make it so far, so committed in a relationship. But here I am… not being able to get you out of my mind.
I loved cuddling with you, spooning.  You look so unbelievable beautiful sleeping.
I still can’t believe what’s happening.  It’s just too good to be true.
Having the love of my life (you), telling me that every time he looks at me he can’t help himself but to think I’m the most gorgeous person in this world.
I could kiss you day and night, 24/7. I could hug you all day long. I love you so much. Trust me you’ve got so much potential. I just, I love you.
Never let me go, never leave.  I love you too much to not have you by my side.
-11:53pm

I'm smoking the night away.
With your picture right in front of me.
All I can do is smoke, one, two, even four cigarettes.
I smoke thinking of how much I want you by my side, and how much I can't.
It breaks my heart, so I fill the broken parts with smoke.

I smoke the night away, because there is nothing else to so.
My friends are asleep, I'm not even sure they are my friends. They might as well be dead and no one would tell me.
My family will not talk to me as they used to, they've been driven away by my sadness.
Lately, my dog has been the only one around me. He gives me the kisses you won't, because we're too far away.

I smoke the night away. Because, what else am I supposed to do?
The night is full of terrors, the night is full of regrets. Tears fall down my face, imaginary tears though. I can't afford to cry.
So I smoke the night away, for no reason whatsoever, I guess. Smoking cigarettes is the best I can do, to not feel a thing. So, I smoke the night away.

Some nights I can see that same star,
The same star we stared at together.

How could we be so calm staring at the dark blue sky next to each other?
My heart was raising, my eyes were dilatating,
But, the thought of having you by my side,
made me calm.

Some nights I think of that night, those kisses,
Those hugs, those "I love you"s , oh darling, that night.

I want you back, because your bones are made out of stars,
Your heart is made out of the nebula, and your brain, oh your mind,
It's made of a galaxy. A bright, big, beautiful galaxy.

Shall I keepm on staring at that star? Or should I wait for you?
Stars keep on showing up, but you haven't.

Even when I was away
Even thousands of miles away from you
The only thing in my mind was you
The only thing I could think about
Was your existence,
And how much I love you;
How I would cross the world for you
But I still think you wouldn't appreciate it, even if I crossed
The whole universe
Just for you.

To die is an art
How your heart stops beating
How your organs stop working,
You disappear.

To die,
Many people wish they were dead,
Yet they do nothing about it.
I believe dying is a beautiful art.

I, I wish I were dead, yet I don't do a thing about it,
Just committing masochism,
What should I do?

I wish I had the guts,
I wish I had the guts to tell you,
to tell you so many things. To tell you
how much I love you, how much
you make me cry.

But no, instead I'm here, writing about you. I write about you everyday. I start talking about my day and end up talking about how much I miss you.

I wish I had the guts, the guts to
*let you go

"Why do you sleep so much?"
"Are you tired? You don't do anything anyway"
"Why do you lay there alone?"
"Come out of your room for once!"

To all of them, I cannot tell them I'm depressed as an answer.
I cannot open up to everyone who asks me one of those.

I, myself can't answer those questions, I guess my only answer would be, "I'm depressed as ****".
Is that even enough as an answer? Is it a valid excuse?
Am I enough?

I guess I would just answer:
I sleep so I don't have to deal with life.
Yeah I'm tired, I can't do much, I'm not good at much stuff, but I'm so mentally tired that it all becomes physical.
I like being alone so I don't have to deal with being so insecure because of how awkward I am.
I don't and I won't come out of my room; real world can't come in.

I guess those are just lazy excuses.
It's not enough.
I'm not enough.

You light up my nights
When it's dark and you appear,
My problems suddenly go away.

Every night I long for you to appear every night
I look for you everywhere
Even in a sky full of stars,
I would only look for you and how your smile makes you shine.

Oh my star, dear star,
Please don't disappear, I need you to light up my nights.

I was shattered into tons of pieces,
You knew that.
I was too stupid, people's hands aren't so big,
Nor strong to hold so many pieces.
And what's broken can't be fixed the way it was before.

I'm stupid, a stupid little girl, who still sees some hope in people's eyes
I'm a simple smart girl whose parents didn't raise her up
I'm a smart girl who doesn't know what the word potential means
I'm a smart girl with a great heart, trying to be ******
But opening up to the wrong people.

I pour myself in people
I pour myself, I fall, I trust,
I'm stupid.

Oh I'm a poor little stupid girl.
Whose feelings got hurt,
Her emotions were taken away
And is ****** up.