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Mar 20 · 875
Who Am I Really?
Who am I really?

What makes me...me?

What's true to my being

Versus what people see?


I'm a masked player

Up on the stage.

Open-minded

But set in my ways.


I'm tired, but restless.

Energetic, but fatigued.

I endure all the miles

to cope with my needs.


I live in the mountains.

But I was born by the sea.

Adobes and sand dunes

Are where my spirit flies free.


I molded a mind for mountains

But I've grown a coastal soul.

I find comfort in warmth

But I thrive in the cold.


I'm reserved, but friendly.

Instinctively shy, but kind.

Introverted from the start

But I edited my mind.


I seem to know everyone.

I was taught this was the goal

To be a socialite

And avoid being alone.


I'm a determined dreamer.

I strove to achieve

The expectations of others

But, I've found what I need.


I present as outdoorsy

But I'm a nature girl at heart.

How people may see me

Was wild from the start.


I animate and write.

I love creating art.

To make is my nature

Something I can't depart.


I'm beautiful

But I act pretty.

I'm goofy

But present as witty.


I'm passionate

but stoic.

I'm thoughtful

But overthink it.


I'm a philosopher who's distracted.

That's why I repeat.

I rewrite wisdom

To help guide my feet.


I act confident

But I was born insecure.

It took many years

To uncover my "normal" form.


I'm a willful wanderer.

I'm timid but tough.

I can trek so far

Not knowing what's enough.


I attach to attention.

I tend to crave more

Of the love people give me,

But detach from what's adored.


I want the consistency

Of a level and linear coastline.

But I crave the novelty

Of meandering mountains at times.


I'm a starving artist

Who feeds on motivation.

I'm here to support

But I need to be supported.


I'm creative

Because I struggle.

I'm strong

Because I'm weak.


I'm an explorer of mountain peaks.

Internally, I'm lost and curious.

I explore many things  

That pique my interest.


I'm easily overwhelmed

But I'm an adapter.

I'm disorganized

But I'm a planner.


I'm a mentor

But I could be someone's mentee.

I'm a good listener

But I need someone to hear me.


I'm sensitive and empathetic

But sometimes apathetic.

I'm emotional and kind.

But I often feel numb inside.


I want to be capable

But sometimes, I’m unable.

I'm so often sentimental

Because life is unstable.


I've shown submission

To disguise my difference.

I've circumvented confrontation

To achieve some acceptance.


I was a late bloomer.

But I've pruned and grew flowers,

Flowers grown to hide my thorns.

But I uprooted and found power.


It's hard to collect my thoughts.

But it's easy to collect things.

So much in life changes.

But my things remain the same.


My achievements alone do not define success.

My best effort is my success's foundation

Through my effort alone,

I am a champion.


I dislike change

But change means growth.

If I'm not growing

I'm dying at most.


I'm interesting

Because I'm different.

I'm unique

Because of my interests.


I'm forgetful

But I'm hard to forget.

I'm easily flustered

But I've learned to reset.


I love birds.

Because, I long to be free.

I want to fearlessly fly

To be freely me.


I'm easy to get along with

But once hard to understand.

Now I'm learning myself

To show who I really am.


I'm a wonderful ******.

Neurodivergent from the start.

I am awesomely Autistic.

And I have a good heart.
Learning to unmask and discover who I am.
I am "Josephine Wild."
I am 35 years old.
I am an artist and an ultra runner.
I experience the world differently.
I wake up.
I work and workout.
I play.
I eat.
Then I sleep.

I see things like design and shapes.
I focus on the details.
But I try to see the bigger picture.
I look at typefaces and fonts.
I get hyper-focused.
I like to work.
To make.
To create.
Day after day
This is what I do.

I am never finished.
I date things
Because I lose track of time.
Time is against me.
So, I learn not to waste it.

Sometimes, I make believe.
But I am not a child.
I am grace.
I am strength.
I am beauty.
I am determined.
I have a good heart.

I live in my own home
With my husband.
We share the same bed.
I have toys and figurines.
I collect them.
I arrange them.
They always stay the same.
They bring me joy.

I am easily distracted.
I like to escape.
I can run away with my thoughts.
I’ve learned to domesticate my emotions.
I am an artist.
I am wonderfully weird.

I like people too.
They are beautiful each in their own way.
It’s nice to connect with people,
To feel loved.
Now, I know that I am so, so loved.
It’s hard to let people go, especially when you love them.
I know that I’m not alone.

I am apart of this world.
I just experience it differently.
But sometimes, I don’t feel free.
My life isn’t easy, but it’s a gift.
Life wouldn’t be great if it was easy.
I’m easy to get along with, and now I understand.

I love music.
I love to sing.
The music I like doesn’t need words.
I’m sometimes without words.
I search for them.
I need them quicker than they come.
But that’s OK.

I try my best to better myself.
I am not wrong, I am different.
When I fall, I reset.
I try not to cling onto people, but it’s hard.
I’ve learned to forgive myself.
I’ve learned to love myself.

I make more of an effort to think things through.
I have succeeded at leaving my comfort zones.
My effort is success.

I am not a problem.
Life is opinion. The universe is change.
And I’m always changing, always growing, always living.
I have grown a good heart.

I am awesomely autistic.
The current version of the poem I wrote 11 years ago, "Who I Am" (3-6-13).
I am "Josephine Wild."
I am 24 years old.
I am an artist.
I have a false sense of reality.
I wake up.
I work.
I pray.
And I eat.
Then I sleep.

I see things like design and shape.
I focus on the details.
I look at typefaces and fonts.
I like to work.
To make.
To create.
Day after day,
this is what I do.

I am never finished.
I date things
because I lose track of time.
Time is against me.

I make believe.
I make believe
because I am a child.
A child I am.
I live at home.
I sleep in the same room.
I sleep in the same bed.
I have toys and figurines.
I collect them.
They always stay the same.

I am easily distracted.
I like to escape.
I like to be alone
with my thoughts.
I am an artist.
I am weird.

I like people too.
They are beautiful
in that each
are unique
and their own.
It's nice to connect
with people.
But then
you don't want them to go.
I am alone.
I become cold.

In my own little world,
I am trapped.
I make it harder than it has to be.
My life isn't easy,
but it's a gift.
Life wouldn't be great
if it was so easy.
I'm easy to get along with,
but hard to understand.

I like music.
I like to sing.
The music I like doesn't need words.
I need words.
I search for them.
I need them quicker
than they can come.

I try my best.
I'm not perfect.
I have my faults.
I cling onto people.
I forget
to swallow my pride.

I don't think things through
or leave my comfort zone.
I don't want to cause problems.
I yearn to change.
I am changing my heart.
This was written 11 years before learning I am autistic.
Jan 22 · 65
Forgetting to Lose
Listen, love. Move down. Sleep over.
My love’s in doubt, down home, all over.
Forget my age. Move down. Move over.

Down inside, I doubt my love.
Move over.
I quickly forget down inside.
Quickly I am loosed.
Picking home I forget you over.
Instantly doubting down inside.

Picking home, I forget you over.
Loving home, I take ages to load.
Forgetting to lose. Move over.

Quickly forgetting down inside.
Forgetting to lose. Move over.
I go down quickly.
Quickly forgetting to lose.
I move down quickly. Move over.
Written 2014
Jan 22 · 57
Poetic State of Mind
Get in it.
Just lost for thoughts
Because I can.
Dream I can.
Don't think I can
But write I can
And flow.
Don't think.
Don't think at all.
Relax
And breathe.
You're here
Alone and thinking.
Grasping for air.
Air so cloudy
An overbearing tension rising.
Looming over thought.
Threatening to rain and flood.
Tearing down.
To drown.
Loving to swim. To float.
To breathe
calming
thoughts.
Written June 13, 2018
Dec 2023 · 1.1k
Mar
Josephine Wild Dec 2023
Mar
The dolphins display
splashing pepper spray.

Marred marine
toxic plastics
flow through
the Gulf Stream
and blood streams
of Fish, Bird, and Man.

None safe in water.

None safe
on land.
Just came up with on a whim while looking at sketches of dolphins that I drew a while back.
Nov 2023 · 107
Enlightened in Nature
Josephine Wild Nov 2023
What’s so interesting about the upright working man?

What’s so impressive and worthy of history
just sitting at a desk from 9 to 5?

That life is for the birds!!

Life is so much more than that!

Life is right here, right now!

Sitting on a log with feet feeling the sand. It’s so cool
and silky smooth.

Shadows casting down from leaves and limbs overhead in the breeze. A natural animation.

How foolish we are! We throw so much away
to work for a dime.

This earth is priceless and our time is finite.
We can’t buy more time. The present moment is all we have!

No, I’m not gaining any monetary wealth by sitting in the woods,
but this moment is worth so much more
than what money can buy.

So, why care if I’m poor? I’ll always have the wilderness.
Isn’t that what we’re here for?
Why do we keep trying to escape it? It’s so wonderful.

Man, the good life is here! Just let nature nature.
Good reason
and good human nature.

No need for meat, for ***, for beef.
No need for opinions.
No need for passion.

None of those fleshy desires are required
to live the good life.

Being good is the spice of life!
Virtue should be the only desire.
Nov 2023 · 105
NICE TO MEAT YOU
Josephine Wild Nov 2023
“To beef…or not to beef?”
The words of an enthusiastic
Italian butcher.

In our cognitive dissonance,
we know it’s a vice.
That fleshy desire for flesh.

It just hits different, right?
The chewiness of meat.
Its unique savoriness.

There’s nothing like it.

In the moment, there’s nothing better.
It arouses the senses.
It leaves us wanting more.

How ironic this iron-laden food is.
Heme iron, that is.
Something we need for our own flesh.

Bovine flesh fed on iron-rich grass.
Thriving until dead…
by the rancher’s hand.

Leafy heme is clean.
But meaty heme tastes the best…
Just only in the moment.

Moments after the moment,
fatigue falls upon us.
Then remorse repeats itself.

Time after time,
it corrodes arteries
from the inside.

Indulging in a little death,
we briefly feel alive,
but ultimately lose our spirit.

It’s like a carnal sin that we celebrate.
Carnival:
Farewell to meat.

Then we repent.

Then we meet.

Then we repeat.
Nov 2023 · 283
I am
Josephine Wild Nov 2023
I'm not a family.
I'm not a ranch.
I'm not a mother.

I am grace.
I am strength.
I am beauty.

I'm not wealthy.
I'm not the smartest.
I'm not the tidiest.

I am determined.
I am creative.
I am good.
Josephine Wild Oct 2023
Why I wanted to know about horses?

Just precisely that: to know.

To know the species, their characters, their souls.

To know how to respect, accept,
and control.

To know the nuances and knowledge
only experience brings.

When I said I want to know horses,
what I meant were these things.
Reflecting on my intentions on learning to ride a horse
Oct 2023 · 569
For The Love of Cake
Josephine Wild Oct 2023
They say, "If you love something, let it go."

Often that object of affection
is outside your control.

They say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

Once you have,
you'll know that truth.
Stuff I'm learning
Oct 2023 · 1.7k
What's Real
Josephine Wild Oct 2023
I'm not going to find my fantasy, because it's not real.

What's real is believing that I'm loved by my friends.

What's real is my determination.

What's real is my connectivity.

What's real is my compassion.

What's real is my love for life.

What's real is my good heart.

What's real is my endurance.

What's real is my creativity.

What's real is my empathy.

What's real is my strength.

What's real is my free will.

What's real is my courage.

What's real is my passion.

What's real is my reason.

What's real is my beauty.

What's real is my talent.

What's real is my effort.

What's real is my truth.

What's real is my joy.

What's real is me.
To know what's real.
Sep 2023 · 1.6k
Again
Josephine Wild Sep 2023
I feel like writing again.
I feel like riding again.

I'm scared to be loving again,
to have my heart broken again.

But a breakthrough requires
being broken again.

I've gone through the fire, my friend.
Red hot, I'll embed my brand again.

I'll stand on the start line again.
I'll run the race again.

Life is a race that never ends.
Once one is over, it begins again.

It feels good
to feel new again.

Life goes on, my friend.
It feels good to live good again.
First poem after a while.
Sep 2023 · 2.3k
It’s Just Me
Josephine Wild Sep 2023
I am just me.
A single being.
A beginning and an end.

I am just me.
An individual.
My character and personality and morality belong to myself.

I am just me.
A human alone.
My heart is mine alone to own.

I am just me.
A person all my own.
My worth terminates in myself alone.
Feeling the sense of self during meditation. It’s just me and nothing else matters.
Sep 2023 · 593
Chasing Peaks
Josephine Wild Sep 2023
It
doesn't
matter who
reaches the top
of the mountain first
because eventually we
will all be buried beneath it.
We're just racing towards death.
If you're always trying to reach the top,
you never really get there. There will always
be another peak to climb, and you can't stay above
tree line forever. Also, the hail storm in the valley won't
last forever. So you hunker down and ride it out. Finally, if the
journey is the destination, you'll always be on top of the mountain.
Reflection from mountain running and life.
Aug 2023 · 937
Boundary
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
I know a boundary
That can’t be seen.
It separates me
From other beings.

It’s in doing
And not doing.
It’s in unspoken
Social ruling.

I suppose this boundary
Would support my healing
But the lines blur
With human feeling.

But I saw a physical boundary
One built to cause pain
A simple fence
Across the plain.

This barbed wire
Through rough terrain
Separates fantasy
From truth.

Between each side
I see no change
But it’s a real boundary
Between work and play.
A reflection on social and physical boundaries.
Aug 2023 · 1.1k
Like Breaking a Horse
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
Heartbreak
is essential
for the breakthrough.

Not spirit-break.
You can’t break
my spirit.

Can you feel it?
My restless soul
running wild?

You can’t break me.
Don’t try.
I’m not meant to be broken.
Heartbreak is essential for transformative change. My spirit is strengthened.
Aug 2023 · 2.2k
Mountain
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
I
just
wanna
be right here
in the mountains,
running on dirt trails,
lying in the green grass,
feeling the gentle cool breeze,
admiring the rainbow of wild flowers
and the little birds fluttering up in the trees.
Where I want to be
Aug 2023 · 1.4k
Turning Toros
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
For Santiago,
we danced with toros
and we gleefully played with fire.
We fought for our turns
with passion
before the sparks expired.

In each turn
we spun our bodies
like those bamboo wheels
of fire.
We set our souls aflame
and burned down our desires.
Dancing with toros lit with fireworks in Oaxaca for the feast day of Santiago.
Jul 2023 · 1.7k
Being Fully Me
Josephine Wild Jul 2023
How do I show my beauty?

By just being me.
By embracing the things I love in life.
By feeding into my energy.
By diving into my creativity.
By leaning into my curiosities.
By embracing change and striving for improvement.
By showing empathy.
By digging into my strength and endurance.
By practicing mindfulness.
By harnessing my focus.
By utilizing patience and compassion.
By feeling strong emotions.
By loving my nature.
By moving with passion and resting in good reason.
By needing nothing else outside of these.

These are the beautiful things that come from within me.

All that’s needed of me
is to dig within myself,
to dive headfirst
and fully submerge into the water
and pulling out these attributes-
these facets of beauty,
reflecting the sunshine
like the scales of a fish,
the cuts in an emerald,
the ultraviolet color in flowers and birds.
Finally feeling beautiful.
Jul 2023 · 1.0k
I Just Gotta Run
Josephine Wild Jul 2023
I’m having fun
with no rhyme or reason.
I’m just chilling
in the sunny season.

I’m keeping pace
where wild flowers grow.
I want to go fast
when I need to go slow.

But I’m running swiftly
to fill my desire,
until a rock causes
my momentum to expire.

I’m instantly frustrated,
but I don’t dwell long.
Within my power
I choose to carry on.

The trail continues
where it seems to end.
I journey further
and I find some friends.

Where the the rushing stream pauses,
I take the plunge.
Frigid water
freezes my lungs.

I too, find reason to pause,
and I bask in the sun.
The world stands still
and I wonder why I run.
Reflection on a trail run down to the mouth of the stream where it rushes to meet the river.
Jun 2023 · 864
A Matter of Thought
Josephine Wild Jun 2023
I feel that my presence
is a light
that’s needed.
I care a lot
of how others
are treated.

Joy is my purpose.
It’s an inside job.
I want to help others
on this journey we’re on.

I’m creative and it matters.

I’m athletic and it matters.

I’m resilient and I matter.

My presence on earth won’t last forever.

I’ll just become dirt again.
Before I do,
I’ll know that I mattered.
Coming out of a dark mental state after being sick.
Jun 2023 · 481
A Matter of Thinking
Josephine Wild Jun 2023
I feel that my presence as a human
isn’t needed much.
I don’t contribute much to life.
I’m slow at making lunch.
I’m not a big help ‘round the house.
I don’t make much money,
and I’m surely not an ideal spouse.

What is my purpose?
Bringing people joy?
That’s about all I offer.
I am just a toy.

I’m creative, but does it matter?

I’m athletic, but does it matter?

I’m resilient, but does it matter?

My presence on earth won’t last forever.

I’ll just become dirt again.
When I do,
then maybe I will matter.
Feeling worthless
Jun 2023 · 996
Mississippi
Josephine Wild Jun 2023
The silver moon
falls
from sight
as the rising tide
kisses
adjacent piers.

The cool morning
rests
over the gentle bay
as clouds
commute
covering the light of day.

Brown thrashers rhythmically
mimic
stolen song
as they
traverse
the canal.

Barefoot toes
roam
freely
frequenting familiar
footpaths.

Minute minnow mouths
toy
with the bait
bobbing
the cork.

Experienced hands
handle
seafood
adopting its scent
while the blue *****
boil
into crimson.

Afternoon showers
cool
the earth
as a mysterious moon
lowers
the tide.

Night
falls
again
in Mississippi.
Returning to Mississippi
May 2023 · 1.1k
Our Stars
Josephine Wild May 2023
Stars in your eyes.
Stars in my eyes.

What I experienced,
you do not know.

You cannot feel
what I felt.

You cannot see
what I saw.

Something more beautiful
than nature.

Something more beautiful
than law.
I know.
May 2023 · 1.7k
Reality?
Josephine Wild May 2023
Humans are constantly creating
with authenticity.
We have been given the universe-
an abundance of awesome things:
Mysterious monsters of oceans deep
and birds ornamenting trees.
We take these gifts
with mindfulness
and show
what we’ve perceived.

Now the computer
has
become the creator.
But humans
created the machine.
Without our perceived
realities,
the robot has no things.
Nothing to analyze,
digitize,
and pixelate on screen.
It can’t channel feelings.
It can’t express its needs.
It just mimics what it really means
to be
a
human
being.
Reflection on artificial intelligence
May 2023 · 756
Seahawk
Josephine Wild May 2023
I am an osprey.
Waves of hate roll off my wings.
When I am happy,
I like to sing.

I soar through life
as the queen of the sky.
There is no limit
to how high I may fly.

When I plunge down to earth
and dive into the sea,
the strength in my wings
again set me free.
A reflection of my nature, my resilience, and strength.
May 2023 · 1.5k
"Wolf Boy"
Josephine Wild May 2023
You’re a wolf -
A connotation.
You’re a breed
of imitation.

You’re a guise
among the sheep.
Snagging lambs
while they’re asleep.

Your smile sings
with consonance -
but your howls vibrate
with dissonance.

You’re a liar
with eyes of fire -
The termination
of my desire.

You sparked a change
in my perception.
You were the Alpha
of pure deception.
A play in semantics, origins of names and words, and a personal experience.
May 2023 · 379
Hey Mine
Josephine Wild May 2023
Hey, are we in love?
Is this love?
Is this that delusion-
That everybody feels?
I don’t want you
to say yes
or no.
I want the truth.
Is this my selfish delusion
or yours?

Where is something deeper?
Where is something more?
Is this it?
Is there logic?
Hmm, where? Where is it?
Can I stay here? Maybe?
Is it bad?
Please say yes.
Please say no.
Let me learn.

Is to love, to know?
I want to know. Is to know, to love?
I want to know more.
I want to know none.
Nothing more.
But I need something.
Nothing more.

I want to know you.
Are you my love?
Are you mine?
Written on March 9, 2011
Josephine Wild Apr 2023
When I see quite the quiet quail,
I quiver.

When I spot the proud peacock prancing,
I ponder.

When I hear the wonderful warbling of the wood warbler,
I wander.

When I feel the reclusiveness of the rail,
I remember.

When you retreat into the reeds,
I reset.

When in Reason’s nest,
my mind may rest.

You were a feather in the wind,
when I
was the young breeze
beneath your tired wings.
Apr 2023 · 545
I LOVE MYSELF!
Josephine Wild Apr 2023
I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!

BECAUSE

NO MATTER WHERE I AM, OR WHO I’M WITH, I LOVE GETTING HIGH AND LISTENING TO MUSIC; I LOVE MAKING PLAYLISTS; I LOVE DANCING INSIDE OF A HOUSE; I LOVE SINGING ALL OF THE TIME; I LOVE FINGER-BOARDING; I LOVE ANIMATION AND MOTIONS GRAPHICS; I LOVE BIRDS!!!!! I LOVE WRITING! I LOVE PHILOSOPHY!
I LOVE SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS; I LOVE TRAIL RUNNING; I LOVE THE MOUNTAINS; I LOVE THE COAST.

I ONLY NEED MYSELF TO LOVE THESE.
I ONLY NEED ME TO LOVE MYSELF.

I AM BEAUTIFUL.
I AM SENSITIVE.
I AM KIND.

AND I LOVE CRUNCHY MUSIC!!!!!

I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!
rewiring my brain
Jan 2023 · 150
Bids
Josephine Wild Jan 2023
Everyone is offering bids for connection.
Yes,
of heart and mind.
But if we just loved everyone,
We’d all be just fine.
Josephine Wild Jan 2023
I love you like I love the color green, wading birds, and vegan things.

I love you like I enjoy a herd of deer, collecting seashells and drinking beer.

I love you the way I adore grocery stores, and single track.

I wish that you could love me back.
Jan 2023 · 146
Stella
Josephine Wild Jan 2023
Rows of lights in rows of three.
Rows like the stars,
the stars around Mars.
I am made of the stars.
Jan 2023 · 3.6k
Rest in Reason
Josephine Wild Jan 2023
If the soul is dyed by thoughts, I will rest in my reason.

By following my just nature, I will let my desire find its termination.

For I am made of the stars. I will let my spirit shine.

I am a rising star, not a falling one. I am divine.

Nothing outside changes the value of my shining nature.

Despite criticism or praise, nothing shall perturb me.

My loveliness terminates in itself. My beauty evolves with the seasons.

I will love my nature. I will rest in my reason.

My flesh desires sugar, but sugar rots the soul.

To nurture the character of my mind, I’ll feast on the fruits of wisdom.

I’ll feed my soul thoughts ripe in virtue and I’ll let my spirit shine.

For tranquility is nothing but a good ordering of the mind.

I will not be troubled in any season.

When my flesh desires treason, I will rest in my reason.
My reflections on the wisdom found in Meditations.
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