Who am I really?

What makes me...me?

What's true to my being

Versus what people see?


I'm a masked player

Up on the stage.

Open-minded

But set in my ways.


I'm tired, but restless.

Energetic, but fatigued.

I endure all the miles

to cope with my needs.


I live in the mountains.

But I was born by the sea.

Adobes and sand dunes

Are where my spirit flies free.


I molded a mind for mountains

But I've grown a coastal soul.

I find comfort in warmth

But I thrive in the cold.


I'm reserved, but friendly.

Instinctively shy, but kind.

Introverted from the start

But I edited my mind.


I seem to know everyone.

I was taught this was the goal

To be a socialite

And avoid being alone.


I'm a determined dreamer.

I strove to achieve

The expectations of others

But, I've found what I need.


I present as outdoorsy

But I'm a nature girl at heart.

How people may see me

Was wild from the start.


I animate and write.

I love creating art.

To make is my nature

Something I can't depart.


I'm beautiful

But I act pretty.

I'm goofy

But present as witty.


I'm passionate

but stoic.

I'm thoughtful

But overthink it.


I'm a philosopher who's distracted.

That's why I repeat.

I rewrite wisdom

To help guide my feet.


I act confident

But I was born insecure.

It took many years

To uncover my "normal" form.


I'm a willful wanderer.

I'm timid but tough.

I can trek so far

Not knowing what's enough.


I attach to attention.

I tend to crave more

Of the love people give me,

But detach from what's adored.


I want the consistency

Of a level and linear coastline.

But I crave the novelty

Of meandering mountains at times.


I'm a starving artist

Who feeds on motivation.

I'm here to support

But I need to be supported.


I'm creative

Because I struggle.

I'm strong

Because I'm weak.


I'm an explorer of mountain peaks.

Internally, I'm lost and curious.

I explore many things  

That pique my interest.


I'm easily overwhelmed

But I'm an adapter.

I'm disorganized

But I'm a planner.


I'm a mentor

But I could be someone's mentee.

I'm a good listener

But I need someone to hear me.


I'm sensitive and empathetic

But sometimes apathetic.

I'm emotional and kind.

But I often feel numb inside.


I want to be capable

But sometimes, I’m unable.

I'm so often sentimental

Because life is unstable.


I've shown submission

To disguise my difference.

I've circumvented confrontation

To achieve some acceptance.


I was a late bloomer.

But I've pruned and grew flowers,

Flowers grown to hide my thorns.

But I uprooted and found power.


It's hard to collect my thoughts.

But it's easy to collect things.

So much in life changes.

But my things remain the same.


My achievements alone do not define success.

My best effort is my success's foundation

Through my effort alone,

I am a champion.


I dislike change

But change means growth.

If I'm not growing

I'm dying at most.


I'm interesting

Because I'm different.

I'm unique

Because of my interests.


I'm forgetful

But I'm hard to forget.

I'm easily flustered

But I've learned to reset.


I love birds.

Because, I long to be free.

I want to fearlessly fly

To be freely me.


I'm easy to get along with

But once hard to understand.

Now I'm learning myself

To show who I really am.


I'm a wonderful ******.

Neurodivergent from the start.

I am awesomely Autistic.

And I have a good heart.

I am "Josephine Wild."
I am 35 years old.
I am an artist and an ultra runner.
I experience the world differently.
I wake up.
I work and workout.
I play.
I eat.
Then I sleep.

I see things like design and shapes.
I focus on the details.
But I try to see the bigger picture.
I look at typefaces and fonts.
I get hyper-focused.
I like to work.
To make.
To create.
Day after day
This is what I do.

I am never finished.
I date things
Because I lose track of time.
Time is against me.
So, I learn not to waste it.

Sometimes, I make believe.
But I am not a child.
I am grace.
I am strength.
I am beauty.
I am determined.
I have a good heart.

I live in my own home
With my husband.
We share the same bed.
I have toys and figurines.
I collect them.
I arrange them.
They always stay the same.
They bring me joy.

I am easily distracted.
I like to escape.
I can run away with my thoughts.
I’ve learned to domesticate my emotions.
I am an artist.
I am wonderfully weird.

I like people too.
They are beautiful each in their own way.
It’s nice to connect with people,
To feel loved.
Now, I know that I am so, so loved.
It’s hard to let people go, especially when you love them.
I know that I’m not alone.

I am apart of this world.
I just experience it differently.
But sometimes, I don’t feel free.
My life isn’t easy, but it’s a gift.
Life wouldn’t be great if it was easy.
I’m easy to get along with, and now I understand.

I love music.
I love to sing.
The music I like doesn’t need words.
I’m sometimes without words.
I search for them.
I need them quicker than they come.
But that’s OK.

I try my best to better myself.
I am not wrong, I am different.
When I fall, I reset.
I try not to cling onto people, but it’s hard.
I’ve learned to forgive myself.
I’ve learned to love myself.

I make more of an effort to think things through.
I have succeeded at leaving my comfort zones.
My effort is success.

I am not a problem.
Life is opinion. The universe is change.
And I’m always changing, always growing, always living.
I have grown a good heart.

I am awesomely autistic.

I am "Josephine Wild."
I am 24 years old.
I am an artist.
I have a false sense of reality.
I wake up.
I work.
I pray.
And I eat.
Then I sleep.

I see things like design and shape.
I focus on the details.
I look at typefaces and fonts.
I like to work.
To make.
To create.
Day after day,
this is what I do.

I am never finished.
I date things
because I lose track of time.
Time is against me.

I make believe.
I make believe
because I am a child.
A child I am.
I live at home.
I sleep in the same room.
I sleep in the same bed.
I have toys and figurines.
I collect them.
They always stay the same.

I am easily distracted.
I like to escape.
I like to be alone
with my thoughts.
I am an artist.
I am weird.

I like people too.
They are beautiful
in that each
are unique
and their own.
It's nice to connect
with people.
But then
you don't want them to go.
I am alone.
I become cold.

In my own little world,
I am trapped.
I make it harder than it has to be.
My life isn't easy,
but it's a gift.
Life wouldn't be great
if it was so easy.
I'm easy to get along with,
but hard to understand.

I like music.
I like to sing.
The music I like doesn't need words.
I need words.
I search for them.
I need them quicker
than they can come.

I try my best.
I'm not perfect.
I have my faults.
I cling onto people.
I forget
to swallow my pride.

I don't think things through
or leave my comfort zone.
I don't want to cause problems.
I yearn to change.
I am changing my heart.

Listen, love. Move down. Sleep over.
My love’s in doubt, down home, all over.
Forget my age. Move down. Move over.


Down inside, I doubt my love.
Move over.
I quickly forget down inside.
Quickly I am loosed.
Picking home I forget you over.
Instantly doubting down inside.


Picking home, I forget you over.
Loving home, I take ages to load.
Forgetting to lose. Move over.


Quickly forgetting down inside.
Forgetting to lose. Move over.
I go down quickly.
Quickly forgetting to lose.
I move down quickly. Move over.

Get in it.
Just lost for thoughts
Because I can.
Dream I can.
Don't think I can
But write I can
And flow.
Don't think.
Don't think at all.
Relax
And breathe.
You're here
Alone and thinking.
Grasping for air.
Air so cloudy
An overbearing tension rising.
Looming over thought.
Threatening to rain and flood.
Tearing down.
To drown.
Loving to swim. To float.
To breathe
calming
thoughts.

What’s so interesting about the upright working man?

What’s so impressive and worthy of history
just sitting at a desk from 9 to 5?

That life is for the birds!!

Life is so much more than that!

Life is right here, right now!

Sitting on a log with feet feeling the sand. It’s so cool
and silky smooth.

Shadows casting down from leaves and limbs overhead in the breeze. A natural animation.

How foolish we are! We throw so much away
to work for a dime.

This earth is priceless and our time is finite.
We can’t buy more time. The present moment is all we have!

No, I’m not gaining any monetary wealth by sitting in the woods,
but this moment is worth so much more
than what money can buy.

So, why care if I’m poor? I’ll always have the wilderness.
Isn’t that what we’re here for?
Why do we keep trying to escape it? It’s so wonderful.

Man, the good life is here! Just let nature nature.
Good reason
and good human nature.

No need for meat, for ***, for beef.
No need for opinions.
No need for passion.

None of those fleshy desires are required
to live the good life.

Being good is the spice of life!
Virtue should be the only desire.

Why I wanted to know about horses?

Just precisely that: to know.

To know the species, their characters, their souls.

To know how to respect, accept,
and control.

To know the nuances and knowledge
only experience brings.

When I said I want to know horses,
what I meant were these things.

They say, "If you love something, let it go."

Often that object of affection
is outside your control.

They say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

Once you have,
you'll know that truth.

I'm not going to find my fantasy, because it's not real.

What's real is believing that I'm loved by my friends.

What's real is my determination.

What's real is my connectivity.

What's real is my compassion.

What's real is my love for life.

What's real is my good heart.

What's real is my endurance.

What's real is my creativity.

What's real is my empathy.

What's real is my strength.

What's real is my free will.

What's real is my courage.

What's real is my passion.

What's real is my reason.

What's real is my beauty.

What's real is my talent.

What's real is my effort.

What's real is my truth.

What's real is my joy.

What's real is me.

I know a boundary
That can’t be seen.
It separates me
From other beings.

It’s in doing
And not doing.
It’s in unspoken
Social ruling.

I suppose this boundary
Would support my healing
But the lines blur
With human feeling.

But I saw a physical boundary
One built to cause pain
A simple fence
Across the plain.

This barbed wire
Through rough terrain
Separates fantasy
From truth.

Between each side
I see no change
But it’s a real boundary
Between work and play.

Heartbreak
is essential
for the breakthrough.

Not spirit-break.
You can’t break
my spirit.

Can you feel it?
My restless soul
running wild?

You can’t break me.
Don’t try.
I’m not meant to be broken.

For Santiago,
we danced with toros
and we gleefully played with fire.
We fought for our turns
with passion
before the sparks expired.

In each turn
we spun our bodies
like those bamboo wheels
of fire.
We set our souls aflame
and burned down our desires.

How do I show my beauty?

By just being me.
By embracing the things I love in life.
By feeding into my energy.
By diving into my creativity.
By leaning into my curiosities.
By embracing change and striving for improvement.
By showing empathy.
By digging into my strength and endurance.
By practicing mindfulness.
By harnessing my focus.
By utilizing patience and compassion.
By feeling strong emotions.
By loving my nature.
By moving with passion and resting in good reason.
By needing nothing else outside of these.

These are the beautiful things that come from within me.

All that’s needed of me
is to dig within myself,
to dive headfirst
and fully submerge into the water
and pulling out these attributes-
these facets of beauty,
reflecting the sunshine
like the scales of a fish,
the cuts in an emerald,
the ultraviolet color in flowers and birds.

I’m having fun
with no rhyme or reason.
I’m just chilling
in the sunny season.

I’m keeping pace
where wild flowers grow.
I want to go fast
when I need to go slow.

But I’m running swiftly
to fill my desire,
until a rock causes
my momentum to expire.

I’m instantly frustrated,
but I don’t dwell long.
Within my power
I choose to carry on.

The trail continues
where it seems to end.
I journey further
and I find some friends.

Where the the rushing stream pauses,
I take the plunge.
Frigid water
freezes my lungs.

I too, find reason to pause,
and I bask in the sun.
The world stands still
and I wonder why I run.

I feel that my presence as a human
isn’t needed much.
I don’t contribute much to life.
I’m slow at making lunch.
I’m not a big help ‘round the house.
I don’t make much money,
and I’m surely not an ideal spouse.

What is my purpose?
Bringing people joy?
That’s about all I offer.
I am just a toy.

I’m creative, but does it matter?

I’m athletic, but does it matter?

I’m resilient, but does it matter?

My presence on earth won’t last forever.

I’ll just become dirt again.
When I do,
then maybe I will matter.

Humans are constantly creating
with authenticity.
We have been given the universe-
an abundance of awesome things:
Mysterious monsters of oceans deep
and birds ornamenting trees.
We take these gifts
with mindfulness
and show
what we’ve perceived.

Now the computer
has
become the creator.
But humans
created the machine.
Without our perceived
realities,
the robot has no things.
Nothing to analyze,
digitize,
and pixelate on screen.
It can’t channel feelings.
It can’t express its needs.
It just mimics what it really means
to be
a
human
being.

You’re a wolf -
A connotation.
You’re a breed
of imitation.

You’re a guise
among the sheep.
Snagging lambs
while they’re asleep.

Your smile sings
with consonance -
but your howls vibrate
with dissonance.

You’re a liar
with eyes of fire -
The termination
of my desire.

You sparked a change
in my perception.
You were the Alpha
of pure deception.

When I see quite the quiet quail,
I quiver.

When I spot the proud peacock prancing,
I ponder.

When I hear the wonderful warbling of the wood warbler,
I wander.

When I feel the reclusiveness of the rail,
I remember.

When you retreat into the reeds,
I reset.

When in Reason’s nest,
my mind may rest.

You were a feather in the wind,
when I
was the young breeze
beneath your tired wings.

I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!

BECAUSE

NO MATTER WHERE I AM, OR WHO I’M WITH, I LOVE GETTING HIGH AND LISTENING TO MUSIC; I LOVE MAKING PLAYLISTS; I LOVE DANCING INSIDE OF A HOUSE; I LOVE SINGING ALL OF THE TIME; I LOVE FINGER-BOARDING; I LOVE ANIMATION AND MOTIONS GRAPHICS; I LOVE BIRDS!!!!! I LOVE WRITING! I LOVE PHILOSOPHY!
I LOVE SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS; I LOVE TRAIL RUNNING; I LOVE THE MOUNTAINS; I LOVE THE COAST.

I ONLY NEED MYSELF TO LOVE THESE.
I ONLY NEED ME TO LOVE MYSELF.

I AM BEAUTIFUL.
I AM SENSITIVE.
I AM KIND.

AND I LOVE CRUNCHY MUSIC!!!!!

I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!

Everyone is offering bids for connection.
Yes,
of heart and mind.
But if we just loved everyone,
We’d all be just fine.

If the soul is dyed by thoughts, I will rest in my reason.

By following my just nature, I will let my desire find its termination.

For I am made of the stars. I will let my spirit shine.

I am a rising star, not a falling one. I am divine.

Nothing outside changes the value of my shining nature.

Despite criticism or praise, nothing shall perturb me.

My loveliness terminates in itself. My beauty evolves with the seasons.

I will love my nature. I will rest in my reason.

My flesh desires sugar, but sugar rots the soul.

To nurture the character of my mind, I’ll feast on the fruits of wisdom.

I’ll feed my soul thoughts ripe in virtue and I’ll let my spirit shine.

For tranquility is nothing but a good ordering of the mind.

I will not be troubled in any season.

When my flesh desires treason, I will rest in my reason.