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5.1k · Feb 2011
Food
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Eyes embrace
the food they can't taste.
Oh, a table without
dat brown gazelle, to waste.
A waste of grazing and falling.
There are no legs to
stop falling.
Crawling.
No legs to keep crawling.
Soft lips start falling.
Brown skin keeps swarming.
Fresh flesh starts warming.
Hands melting and
Carving.
Carving out white wood, and
Carved dogwood
starts bleeding.
Stop falling.
Stop Falling!
Hey dere, be calling.
'till morning on
calling.
Stop falling,
Stop falling.
'till morning on
calling.
3.6k · Jan 2023
Rest in Reason
Josephine Wild Jan 2023
If the soul is dyed by thoughts, I will rest in my reason.

By following my just nature, I will let my desire find its termination.

For I am made of the stars. I will let my spirit shine.

I am a rising star, not a falling one. I am divine.

Nothing outside changes the value of my shining nature.

Despite criticism or praise, nothing shall perturb me.

My loveliness terminates in itself. My beauty evolves with the seasons.

I will love my nature. I will rest in my reason.

My flesh desires sugar, but sugar rots the soul.

To nurture the character of my mind, I’ll feast on the fruits of wisdom.

I’ll feed my soul thoughts ripe in virtue and I’ll let my spirit shine.

For tranquility is nothing but a good ordering of the mind.

I will not be troubled in any season.

When my flesh desires treason, I will rest in my reason.
My reflections on the wisdom found in Meditations.
2.3k · Sep 2023
It’s Just Me
Josephine Wild Sep 2023
I am just me.
A single being.
A beginning and an end.

I am just me.
An individual.
My character and personality and morality belong to myself.

I am just me.
A human alone.
My heart is mine alone to own.

I am just me.
A person all my own.
My worth terminates in myself alone.
Feeling the sense of self during meditation. It’s just me and nothing else matters.
2.2k · Aug 2023
Mountain
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
I
just
wanna
be right here
in the mountains,
running on dirt trails,
lying in the green grass,
feeling the gentle cool breeze,
admiring the rainbow of wild flowers
and the little birds fluttering up in the trees.
Where I want to be
1.7k · May 2023
Reality?
Josephine Wild May 2023
Humans are constantly creating
with authenticity.
We have been given the universe-
an abundance of awesome things:
Mysterious monsters of oceans deep
and birds ornamenting trees.
We take these gifts
with mindfulness
and show
what we’ve perceived.

Now the computer
has
become the creator.
But humans
created the machine.
Without our perceived
realities,
the robot has no things.
Nothing to analyze,
digitize,
and pixelate on screen.
It can’t channel feelings.
It can’t express its needs.
It just mimics what it really means
to be
a
human
being.
Reflection on artificial intelligence
1.7k · Jul 2023
Being Fully Me
Josephine Wild Jul 2023
How do I show my beauty?

By just being me.
By embracing the things I love in life.
By feeding into my energy.
By diving into my creativity.
By leaning into my curiosities.
By embracing change and striving for improvement.
By showing empathy.
By digging into my strength and endurance.
By practicing mindfulness.
By harnessing my focus.
By utilizing patience and compassion.
By feeling strong emotions.
By loving my nature.
By moving with passion and resting in good reason.
By needing nothing else outside of these.

These are the beautiful things that come from within me.

All that’s needed of me
is to dig within myself,
to dive headfirst
and fully submerge into the water
and pulling out these attributes-
these facets of beauty,
reflecting the sunshine
like the scales of a fish,
the cuts in an emerald,
the ultraviolet color in flowers and birds.
Finally feeling beautiful.
1.7k · Feb 2011
FORBIDDEN
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Hold quiet.
Hold quiet, boy.
Move fast.
Fast.
Fast.
Trace hidden drawings.
Secrets held twice.
Hold the leash.
Hold quiet, boy.
1.7k · Oct 2023
What's Real
Josephine Wild Oct 2023
I'm not going to find my fantasy, because it's not real.

What's real is believing that I'm loved by my friends.

What's real is my determination.

What's real is my connectivity.

What's real is my compassion.

What's real is my love for life.

What's real is my good heart.

What's real is my endurance.

What's real is my creativity.

What's real is my empathy.

What's real is my strength.

What's real is my free will.

What's real is my courage.

What's real is my passion.

What's real is my reason.

What's real is my beauty.

What's real is my talent.

What's real is my effort.

What's real is my truth.

What's real is my joy.

What's real is me.
To know what's real.
1.6k · Feb 2011
Two-faced Lie
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
A thousand heartbeats
rest upon a pillow
racing
to no finish.
A pulse quickens,
a tongue
tied,
strained by veins.
Sleep is
LOST
in a dream
a haunted fairy tale
draining
my
bruised
soul.
1.6k · Sep 2023
Again
Josephine Wild Sep 2023
I feel like writing again.
I feel like riding again.

I'm scared to be loving again,
to have my heart broken again.

But a breakthrough requires
being broken again.

I've gone through the fire, my friend.
Red hot, I'll embed my brand again.

I'll stand on the start line again.
I'll run the race again.

Life is a race that never ends.
Once one is over, it begins again.

It feels good
to feel new again.

Life goes on, my friend.
It feels good to live good again.
First poem after a while.
1.5k · May 2023
"Wolf Boy"
Josephine Wild May 2023
You’re a wolf -
A connotation.
You’re a breed
of imitation.

You’re a guise
among the sheep.
Snagging lambs
while they’re asleep.

Your smile sings
with consonance -
but your howls vibrate
with dissonance.

You’re a liar
with eyes of fire -
The termination
of my desire.

You sparked a change
in my perception.
You were the Alpha
of pure deception.
A play in semantics, origins of names and words, and a personal experience.
1.4k · Aug 2023
Turning Toros
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
For Santiago,
we danced with toros
and we gleefully played with fire.
We fought for our turns
with passion
before the sparks expired.

In each turn
we spun our bodies
like those bamboo wheels
of fire.
We set our souls aflame
and burned down our desires.
Dancing with toros lit with fireworks in Oaxaca for the feast day of Santiago.
1.1k · May 2023
Our Stars
Josephine Wild May 2023
Stars in your eyes.
Stars in my eyes.

What I experienced,
you do not know.

You cannot feel
what I felt.

You cannot see
what I saw.

Something more beautiful
than nature.

Something more beautiful
than law.
I know.
1.1k · Dec 2023
Mar
Josephine Wild Dec 2023
Mar
The dolphins display
splashing pepper spray.

Marred marine
toxic plastics
flow through
the Gulf Stream
and blood streams
of Fish, Bird, and Man.

None safe in water.

None safe
on land.
Just came up with on a whim while looking at sketches of dolphins that I drew a while back.
1.1k · Aug 2023
Like Breaking a Horse
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
Heartbreak
is essential
for the breakthrough.

Not spirit-break.
You can’t break
my spirit.

Can you feel it?
My restless soul
running wild?

You can’t break me.
Don’t try.
I’m not meant to be broken.
Heartbreak is essential for transformative change. My spirit is strengthened.
1.0k · Jul 2023
I Just Gotta Run
Josephine Wild Jul 2023
I’m having fun
with no rhyme or reason.
I’m just chilling
in the sunny season.

I’m keeping pace
where wild flowers grow.
I want to go fast
when I need to go slow.

But I’m running swiftly
to fill my desire,
until a rock causes
my momentum to expire.

I’m instantly frustrated,
but I don’t dwell long.
Within my power
I choose to carry on.

The trail continues
where it seems to end.
I journey further
and I find some friends.

Where the the rushing stream pauses,
I take the plunge.
Frigid water
freezes my lungs.

I too, find reason to pause,
and I bask in the sun.
The world stands still
and I wonder why I run.
Reflection on a trail run down to the mouth of the stream where it rushes to meet the river.
996 · Jun 2023
Mississippi
Josephine Wild Jun 2023
The silver moon
falls
from sight
as the rising tide
kisses
adjacent piers.

The cool morning
rests
over the gentle bay
as clouds
commute
covering the light of day.

Brown thrashers rhythmically
mimic
stolen song
as they
traverse
the canal.

Barefoot toes
roam
freely
frequenting familiar
footpaths.

Minute minnow mouths
toy
with the bait
bobbing
the cork.

Experienced hands
handle
seafood
adopting its scent
while the blue *****
boil
into crimson.

Afternoon showers
cool
the earth
as a mysterious moon
lowers
the tide.

Night
falls
again
in Mississippi.
Returning to Mississippi
937 · Aug 2023
Boundary
Josephine Wild Aug 2023
I know a boundary
That can’t be seen.
It separates me
From other beings.

It’s in doing
And not doing.
It’s in unspoken
Social ruling.

I suppose this boundary
Would support my healing
But the lines blur
With human feeling.

But I saw a physical boundary
One built to cause pain
A simple fence
Across the plain.

This barbed wire
Through rough terrain
Separates fantasy
From truth.

Between each side
I see no change
But it’s a real boundary
Between work and play.
A reflection on social and physical boundaries.
897 · Feb 2011
REBUKED
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Move fast,
hidden life,
double life,
hidden twice.
A quiet dog's life.
Secrets held twice.
Move, boy!
Hide, boy!
Fast, boy!
Hide,
you double life dog, boy.
Move fast.
875 · Mar 20
Who Am I Really?
Who am I really?

What makes me...me?

What's true to my being

Versus what people see?


I'm a masked player

Up on the stage.

Open-minded

But set in my ways.


I'm tired, but restless.

Energetic, but fatigued.

I endure all the miles

to cope with my needs.


I live in the mountains.

But I was born by the sea.

Adobes and sand dunes

Are where my spirit flies free.


I molded a mind for mountains

But I've grown a coastal soul.

I find comfort in warmth

But I thrive in the cold.


I'm reserved, but friendly.

Instinctively shy, but kind.

Introverted from the start

But I edited my mind.


I seem to know everyone.

I was taught this was the goal

To be a socialite

And avoid being alone.


I'm a determined dreamer.

I strove to achieve

The expectations of others

But, I've found what I need.


I present as outdoorsy

But I'm a nature girl at heart.

How people may see me

Was wild from the start.


I animate and write.

I love creating art.

To make is my nature

Something I can't depart.


I'm beautiful

But I act pretty.

I'm goofy

But present as witty.


I'm passionate

but stoic.

I'm thoughtful

But overthink it.


I'm a philosopher who's distracted.

That's why I repeat.

I rewrite wisdom

To help guide my feet.


I act confident

But I was born insecure.

It took many years

To uncover my "normal" form.


I'm a willful wanderer.

I'm timid but tough.

I can trek so far

Not knowing what's enough.


I attach to attention.

I tend to crave more

Of the love people give me,

But detach from what's adored.


I want the consistency

Of a level and linear coastline.

But I crave the novelty

Of meandering mountains at times.


I'm a starving artist

Who feeds on motivation.

I'm here to support

But I need to be supported.


I'm creative

Because I struggle.

I'm strong

Because I'm weak.


I'm an explorer of mountain peaks.

Internally, I'm lost and curious.

I explore many things  

That pique my interest.


I'm easily overwhelmed

But I'm an adapter.

I'm disorganized

But I'm a planner.


I'm a mentor

But I could be someone's mentee.

I'm a good listener

But I need someone to hear me.


I'm sensitive and empathetic

But sometimes apathetic.

I'm emotional and kind.

But I often feel numb inside.


I want to be capable

But sometimes, I’m unable.

I'm so often sentimental

Because life is unstable.


I've shown submission

To disguise my difference.

I've circumvented confrontation

To achieve some acceptance.


I was a late bloomer.

But I've pruned and grew flowers,

Flowers grown to hide my thorns.

But I uprooted and found power.


It's hard to collect my thoughts.

But it's easy to collect things.

So much in life changes.

But my things remain the same.


My achievements alone do not define success.

My best effort is my success's foundation

Through my effort alone,

I am a champion.


I dislike change

But change means growth.

If I'm not growing

I'm dying at most.


I'm interesting

Because I'm different.

I'm unique

Because of my interests.


I'm forgetful

But I'm hard to forget.

I'm easily flustered

But I've learned to reset.


I love birds.

Because, I long to be free.

I want to fearlessly fly

To be freely me.


I'm easy to get along with

But once hard to understand.

Now I'm learning myself

To show who I really am.


I'm a wonderful ******.

Neurodivergent from the start.

I am awesomely Autistic.

And I have a good heart.
Learning to unmask and discover who I am.
864 · Jun 2023
A Matter of Thought
Josephine Wild Jun 2023
I feel that my presence
is a light
that’s needed.
I care a lot
of how others
are treated.

Joy is my purpose.
It’s an inside job.
I want to help others
on this journey we’re on.

I’m creative and it matters.

I’m athletic and it matters.

I’m resilient and I matter.

My presence on earth won’t last forever.

I’ll just become dirt again.
Before I do,
I’ll know that I mattered.
Coming out of a dark mental state after being sick.
787 · Feb 2011
Diamond-Cut
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
See that stone.
He sees that stone.
It's coming down
HARD.
******* you
leaving scars.

Against the glass, you press your face
frosted and forgetful of the hairs rooted
in shame. You kissed that stone-cold face.

Filled with stone-cold limestone
You scratch.
You scratch and lose.
You sin and lose.
You lose and sin by scratching it loose.

Scratch through his bones and
invade the marrows
searching for that familiar face.

    smiling at you.

Smiling and cold.
Stone-cold blood glows. The skin glows orange
and the scars peel off bones.
765 · Feb 2011
Battled
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Caution on--
Be cautious on deck
for thy deck be wet.
Let the sea wash over
thy deck and kiss
thy railings so slightly and tight
but not to flood this
boat so right and ship-shape
tight.
Hand and water sail
this boat
so right,
but thy hands
keep right
this wheel held tight.
Thou waves shall fight
this boat
sailed right
and thy hand may fright
but steers still right.
Oh, ocean's might
might tear this tight,
this ship
sailed right.
So come on, let's fight.
Ok, let's fight.
756 · May 2023
Seahawk
Josephine Wild May 2023
I am an osprey.
Waves of hate roll off my wings.
When I am happy,
I like to sing.

I soar through life
as the queen of the sky.
There is no limit
to how high I may fly.

When I plunge down to earth
and dive into the sea,
the strength in my wings
again set me free.
A reflection of my nature, my resilience, and strength.
756 · Feb 2011
SADISM: A Hidden Mistake
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
We go out running around having fun. Sounding wrong and it is. Laughing at wonderful people wondering who wanders upstairs. Downstairs, inside, outside, we chuckle. Whole-heartedly snickering about how we are sneaky. Openly and closed. Up and downward. Motion stop and go. Away in a tower we play. Puppets moving and breathing. Deeply praying. Silently knowing that I have to go. From here, I have no control. Over and again feelings melt through laws written in stone. Cold-blooded people smother their shame. Less they seek the truth. Full of shame we are not. Falling out. Falling inside. Ways to fall in and under a spell unsaid but drunken. Again. Spell it out again. We see each other. Wise owls know. Nothing is heard. Sheep do not ponder the fate of their own wool. Spun webs spell out the sweet cruelty done. Over laughter, pain dies and thrives.
731 · Feb 2011
Rise
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Hold me dear
A mind unknown.
Laughing
Hard.
Stomach
-full of stones.
Empty sleep
morning sun
wake unto
a world undone.

Color in
my brittle skin.
Mi amor
expel my sin.
Rushing waters
upon a throne
wake unto
a world unknown.

Breaking music
playing dawn
tighten up
O' spotted fawn

Dear Lord
heal
my tired soul
lest I wake unto
a world of coal.
721 · Feb 2011
The Birds
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
The mocking bird
and the robin
live in the snow.
Each bird
its
own tree
framed within
my window.
Together they fly
upon the vast
white world.
A rose petal
among ashes
leads the volunteer's
bird.
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
We are this city.
We are romantic.
We are integrated.
We are cultures intertwined.
We are wild but religious.
We are the same but different.
We are French and Spanish.
We are musical and artistic.
We are food fanatics.
We are sinners and repenters.
We are overly passionate.
We are the beaten odds.
We are blessed in this state.
We are where we belong.
We are this city.
We have faith.
I am "Josephine Wild."
I am 35 years old.
I am an artist and an ultra runner.
I experience the world differently.
I wake up.
I work and workout.
I play.
I eat.
Then I sleep.

I see things like design and shapes.
I focus on the details.
But I try to see the bigger picture.
I look at typefaces and fonts.
I get hyper-focused.
I like to work.
To make.
To create.
Day after day
This is what I do.

I am never finished.
I date things
Because I lose track of time.
Time is against me.
So, I learn not to waste it.

Sometimes, I make believe.
But I am not a child.
I am grace.
I am strength.
I am beauty.
I am determined.
I have a good heart.

I live in my own home
With my husband.
We share the same bed.
I have toys and figurines.
I collect them.
I arrange them.
They always stay the same.
They bring me joy.

I am easily distracted.
I like to escape.
I can run away with my thoughts.
I’ve learned to domesticate my emotions.
I am an artist.
I am wonderfully weird.

I like people too.
They are beautiful each in their own way.
It’s nice to connect with people,
To feel loved.
Now, I know that I am so, so loved.
It’s hard to let people go, especially when you love them.
I know that I’m not alone.

I am apart of this world.
I just experience it differently.
But sometimes, I don’t feel free.
My life isn’t easy, but it’s a gift.
Life wouldn’t be great if it was easy.
I’m easy to get along with, and now I understand.

I love music.
I love to sing.
The music I like doesn’t need words.
I’m sometimes without words.
I search for them.
I need them quicker than they come.
But that’s OK.

I try my best to better myself.
I am not wrong, I am different.
When I fall, I reset.
I try not to cling onto people, but it’s hard.
I’ve learned to forgive myself.
I’ve learned to love myself.

I make more of an effort to think things through.
I have succeeded at leaving my comfort zones.
My effort is success.

I am not a problem.
Life is opinion. The universe is change.
And I’m always changing, always growing, always living.
I have grown a good heart.

I am awesomely autistic.
The current version of the poem I wrote 11 years ago, "Who I Am" (3-6-13).
681 · Feb 2011
Held Back
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Easily flowing
over my shoulder
this boy. He be flowing.
Flowing into his own hot springs
that erupts so hot and flows unflowingly.
Oh, skyline glows on rooftop and flowing
into
a city
set down,
set down
and lonely,
below water,
still glowing
and growing, but confined
and unknowing. When knowing
could cease growing.
Oh slowly, go slowly.
Don't live off the knowing.
677 · Oct 2011
Since
Josephine Wild Oct 2011
My heart is peeling.
Your touch is deceiving.
Since I left, I've been choking.
My love for you is nothing.
For I am nothing,
but a heart throb.
Nothing throbs in truth.
Truth throbs over nothing
-nothing but a bearded face
invading the finger tips,
arms, chest, legs.
Swarming warmth
wraps your face...

Kissing deeply,

my soul is weeping.

Thirst fulfilled,

I'm feeling *****.

Love is patient,
but Lust is juicy.
670 · Feb 2011
Blue Eyes
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Wade in my eyes.
Swim in
my iris.
Dive
into my pupils.
Tread under
my lashes
and sing
blues
in my blue eyes.
622 · May 2011
Fill Me
Josephine Wild May 2011
Sleep in the everlasting
like
sleeping thru a funk.
Take this shame and this
pride.
Wake up hungry
and find no filler.
Find me here.
Find me unfull.
I am here.
Hear me.
616 · Feb 2011
There is a Rock to Build On
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Tears dance down
the facade and
flood waters swell up
these wooden beams.
They are heavy
and they bow.
The house tilts and
all the water
rushes
to one side.
No tree can
lift
nor bush nor bird
can put this house
upright.
All that is inside is
twisted
and mangled.
No fish can amend
this entangled reef
nor deer live
in this watery thicket.
Tears tear down this
house to dying pieces, though
no storm shall uproot
this foundation, if
it is built on rock.
605 · Feb 2011
Wired Up
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
The dirt in your toenails,
the sweat between your fingers,
an itch on your elbow,
the hair on your face,
a noise in your ears.
Now,
gaze into the paper
on the desk,
Hard, hard and wooden.
HA! wait...
A feather drags across your arm ever so delicately-BAM!
You broke dat vase. EAT!
A piece of apple gets stuck in your teeth.
Gradu,
all wet and slimy,
an imprisoned after-taste in your mouth. Now,
stare into your neighbor's face.
Lips stretched longways-exposed to the elements,
riding out the storm.
A warm breath invades your facade.
Board up the windows, now
Hide!
Outside, roses bloom and thorns
stick into your ankles.
You leave behind
a trail of blood.
602 · Feb 2011
A Broad Start
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Take me apart.
Rip off my limbs.
Link the arms
and make a bridge.
600 · Feb 2011
Mimeography
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Flies hear nothing.
Water chants nothing flies.
East freezes nothing heard.
Nothing chants blackbird.
Midnight cracks chanting.
East hears water chanting nothing.
593 · Sep 2023
Chasing Peaks
Josephine Wild Sep 2023
It
doesn't
matter who
reaches the top
of the mountain first
because eventually we
will all be buried beneath it.
We're just racing towards death.
If you're always trying to reach the top,
you never really get there. There will always
be another peak to climb, and you can't stay above
tree line forever. Also, the hail storm in the valley won't
last forever. So you hunker down and ride it out. Finally, if the
journey is the destination, you'll always be on top of the mountain.
Reflection from mountain running and life.
569 · Oct 2023
For The Love of Cake
Josephine Wild Oct 2023
They say, "If you love something, let it go."

Often that object of affection
is outside your control.

They say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

Once you have,
you'll know that truth.
Stuff I'm learning
566 · Feb 2011
Today
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Losing a cranium
filled up and seeping out
of this scalp.
I'm bleeding in my
bed, on the sofa,
on the paper itself.
Brain tissue cries out,
outside of my mind.
It wanders into
blackness, cruel and unkind.
Where in this black abyss
can I find that light?
Flickering and warm
I have lost my sight.
My path unlit,
I wander through thickets,
deserts, storms and mist.
I fall into quicksand.
It swallows me alive.
But I climb out
and the sun shines high.
545 · Apr 2023
I LOVE MYSELF!
Josephine Wild Apr 2023
I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!

BECAUSE

NO MATTER WHERE I AM, OR WHO I’M WITH, I LOVE GETTING HIGH AND LISTENING TO MUSIC; I LOVE MAKING PLAYLISTS; I LOVE DANCING INSIDE OF A HOUSE; I LOVE SINGING ALL OF THE TIME; I LOVE FINGER-BOARDING; I LOVE ANIMATION AND MOTIONS GRAPHICS; I LOVE BIRDS!!!!! I LOVE WRITING! I LOVE PHILOSOPHY!
I LOVE SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS; I LOVE TRAIL RUNNING; I LOVE THE MOUNTAINS; I LOVE THE COAST.

I ONLY NEED MYSELF TO LOVE THESE.
I ONLY NEED ME TO LOVE MYSELF.

I AM BEAUTIFUL.
I AM SENSITIVE.
I AM KIND.

AND I LOVE CRUNCHY MUSIC!!!!!

I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!
rewiring my brain
533 · Feb 2011
In Time and Silence
Josephine Wild Feb 2011
Mangled pieces of paper
fly through this brain tissue,
swirling in a dirt devil.
They fall into place and
then picked up again
to fly inside this dome.
Who is there to collect these
pieces, but the hands
on the outside?
Oneself can only see indoors
but not reach the outside
once trapped in.
These pieces quarrel
to be put together
and to not be burned
in the fire.
Where is the water to douse
these flames
but on the outside?
No flesh
can properly reach in
and douse the flames
and still the storm.
Only the door on the inside
can let Him in.
On both sides He is
seen
and the heart invites
Him in.
505 · Sep 2012
It is What it Is.
Josephine Wild Sep 2012
All the same.
All the same it is.

Noticing--
nothing,
nothing at all.
For all the same
it is.

Bleeding inside
nothing at all.
Scrambling
hurting
all the same.

Crying within,
nothing to give
because
all the same
it is.
481 · Jun 2023
A Matter of Thinking
Josephine Wild Jun 2023
I feel that my presence as a human
isn’t needed much.
I don’t contribute much to life.
I’m slow at making lunch.
I’m not a big help ‘round the house.
I don’t make much money,
and I’m surely not an ideal spouse.

What is my purpose?
Bringing people joy?
That’s about all I offer.
I am just a toy.

I’m creative, but does it matter?

I’m athletic, but does it matter?

I’m resilient, but does it matter?

My presence on earth won’t last forever.

I’ll just become dirt again.
When I do,
then maybe I will matter.
Feeling worthless
402 · Jun 2022
The Cowbird
Josephine Wild Jun 2022
The dark cloud found me that morning. Consumed by anxiety, I threw myself onto the sofa, pulled the blanket over my head, and closed my eyes to the world.

Oddly feeling weightless and fatigued, I meandered to the bathhouse for a shower, hoping that would help. I breathed, I argued, bargained, and prayed. At least I felt clean.

It was nearly ten O’clock when I departed my home. I strung on another late work day into my week, but I wore that string of black pearls with little guilt. I set up my workstation and completed a task before being summoned to the airport. Ben was finally coming home.

With low energy, I greeted my husband and drove back to work. We hugged and kissed and he drove off. I slugged my way back to the office feeling tired, empty, and numb.

My attempt at productivity that afternoon proved futile. I had to reset, and I knew what to do.

I grabbed my binoculars, my shades, and my tunes (but I didn’t listen to them). I let the flow of traffic set the mood.

Strolling up Main Street, I felt weightless even more, like outside of myself. I arrived at the riverside. As I stood at the water’s edge, the birds flew by and I studied them. I began my checklist as I usually do, then united myself with a familiar dirt path. Immersed in the forest, I tried to breathe my demons away, but they wouldn’t move. I continued.

On my route, I heard bird calls in the brush. I saw a large, brown fledgling begging for lunch. Its parents arrived, but to my surprise their offspring doubled them in size.

It was a baby cowbird that had been laid in its foster parents’ nest. It’s not the vireos’ fault, they only did what they knew best.

At that moment it clicked. I saw my feelings manifested in an avian play. I couldn’t let the invader win the day.

Depression is like a cowbird, I told my friend. When you feed it, it thrives and grows, killing the chicks of joy nested in your head.

Lesson learned, don’t feed the cowbird.
379 · May 2023
Hey Mine
Josephine Wild May 2023
Hey, are we in love?
Is this love?
Is this that delusion-
That everybody feels?
I don’t want you
to say yes
or no.
I want the truth.
Is this my selfish delusion
or yours?

Where is something deeper?
Where is something more?
Is this it?
Is there logic?
Hmm, where? Where is it?
Can I stay here? Maybe?
Is it bad?
Please say yes.
Please say no.
Let me learn.

Is to love, to know?
I want to know. Is to know, to love?
I want to know more.
I want to know none.
Nothing more.
But I need something.
Nothing more.

I want to know you.
Are you my love?
Are you mine?
Written on March 9, 2011
Josephine Wild Oct 2023
Why I wanted to know about horses?

Just precisely that: to know.

To know the species, their characters, their souls.

To know how to respect, accept,
and control.

To know the nuances and knowledge
only experience brings.

When I said I want to know horses,
what I meant were these things.
Reflecting on my intentions on learning to ride a horse
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