I hate myself.
I hate my life.
I hate that i'm not pretty.
I hate that i'm uncool.
I hate the fact that they only like me because "I make them laugh"
I hate that they only glorify perfect figures and pretty face
Not intelligence nor virtue
I hate that nobody really cares.
Help me.

Maybe it never really dies,
Maybe it just hids there somewhere,
And when you see him again
All of it comes back in a glimpse
Like it were never gone
Like you're 15 again.


© Leigh Herondale  *July 2015

Someday when I find myself a nameless grave
And people forget that I ever lived
I will be consoled by the singing of the wind and the rain's merciless tears
For soon after these lovely bones are ashes
And ashes were scattered and blown
Flowers shall once again decorate
This lonely earth that once had been my own.

My poems are for me and for my soul alone
Why ask me to dedicate it to you?

The only thing I have when I shut my door
And when I tell myself 'I ain't going no more'
Why I ask me to dedicate it to you?

The friend with whom I can confess all my fears
The pal to whisper hope while kissing away my tears
The receiver of my endless drama
And countless struggle with my crazy mind
The tiny ray of sunshine that makes me hold on and believe
That one day I'll see the light
The only reason why i'm still here
Alive and still kicking
And even if I fall down,
I still get back up and try.
*So why ask me to dedicate it to you?

Be very careful in choosing your friends
They’re not always as they seem
Some would stand by you even in the desert storm
Some would sell your soul for thirty silver coins

No matter how much I try to paint my life
And decorate my own soul
At the end of the day
I always, always,
Feel grey and cold.

you left me so unexpectedly
didn't even give me a sign
why didn't you make me understand that
that time I held you close in my hand
was the last, EVER, that you'll be mine?

Not even three months into adulthood
And yet i'm literally so done with life

Graduation day is only months away
And i'm somewhere between:
"Oh I'm gonna miss all my classmates"
And
"I'll never gonna see your stupid faces ever again, halleluiah!"

Every little trouble keeps me up at night
Even the littlest difficulty makes me worry,
Every inch of step back lessens my already exhausted faith,
Even the slightest of pain makes me want to quit.
I don't know why
But i'm so ******* weak.

Thanks for looking at me
Even though it didn't last
Your memory I'll cherish
Til the day I turn to dust.

Kiru, Kireji
I tried but I guess Haiku
Is just not for me


Leigh Herondale  *August 2015

I haven't cried in a while
Hannah
Why did I see your face again
Hannah
Your beautiful smile
And cheerful attitude
Despite what your going through
How can you do it Hannah?
You inspire me
Hannah
You were so strong,resilient, beautiful
Hannah
I never knew you more
You don't even know my name
Though I'm sure of one thing
God loves you more than all of the living

Happiness is a fantasy
Most of the time
It's all just inside your head


© Leigh

Cannot forget the day, January 19th,
Can still recall the pain,
Everything I dealt with,
But when I saw you smile I just melted
I love you so much my son,
You are my greatest wealth.

Four years passed and you're growing up
To be a great man,
Oh just like your Pop.
Though sometimes I just wanted
To hold you in my lap,
And whisper words like
"Honey, never grow up".

Another four years
And maybe you'll forget about this
Cake eaten, balloons popped, opened unwanted gifts,
No matter, I will always remind you this:
"I love you Hari"
And say it with a kiss.



© Leigh Herondale  *January 2015

I'm sorry for the lonely,
I'm sorry for the mad.
I'm sorry for the poor,
For the things they ever want.

I'm sorry for the hungry,
I'm sorry for the bad.
I'm sorry for the rich,
Never contented of what they had.

I'm sorry for the fool,
I'm sorry for that lad,
For that girl who trusted him
For his gift of broken heart

I'm sorry for the world.
I'm sorry for those blood,
I'm sorry for these sins,
Oh please forgive me God.



© **Leigh Herondale

When i'm gone
Put my memories in a box
A red velvety one
Sealed with your tears
Locked up in your chest
Close to your heart
And when the right time comes
We'll see each other again

Dandelions in blossom,
Grandma's garden in full bloom,
My apple tree has its leaves again,
Air filled with flowery scent.
Cats and kittens licking each other
Ready to catch its prey
The neighbor's dog barking
Wanting to go out and play
Children playing, swimming, biking,
Children everwhere.
Of course they're joyful,
Who isn't anyway,
When the season turns into spring.



© Leigh Herondale  *July 2015

I used to think I'd  have it all
That everything will fall
Into my hands the way I want
Then at one point
I come running back to you
my tied feet and hands
digging for comfort
my battered heart
searching for solace
I always thought
that if I leave
I'd be totally free
But in reality
You are the one thing
that makes me complete

I just want for him notice me
That i'm here
I exist
I breath
My eyes is set only towards him
Even though
He doesn't even see me

She assumed it was commitment
But he was up for just a musement
Oh how she held him tight
All the while he played her right
Hers is a dreamy future with him
His head in the clouds, of partying and daydrem.
To him he's just another girl
To her he is her whole world.

I'm such a disappointment I know,
but I don't want to further damage myself
by pretending to like something which I do not.

She's an ordinary girl
Just a little quite different


Leigh Herondale  *August 2015

She wants you to know
That she's not the same person you knew a year ago
That she no longer stays up until the end of time
Just to wait and read about your **** reply
She’s still indecisive about what to wear on Sundays
But she no longer needs your advice;
Unsolicited or not
She stays awake until the AM watching subtitled movies,
Not because of that text you sent
Or any other *******
Also she no longer creeps on that girl's Facebook
and yours too, for that matter
That she sometimes cry
But it's no longer because of you
That life is hard and she still has a long road to go
But she does not mind spending it without you

It doesn't matter how good you can fly
Or how long did it took
What matters is you tried, and tried.
They can be the strongest
And can soar all the highest.
But remember,
Icarus burned his wings
While reaching the sun.

Bitter thoughts flooding me again
I don't know how to swim
Almost up my neck now
Somebody help me
Save me from drowning

I would have written you a poem
If only you had let me.

I'm pretty sure
I will pass through Earth
As just another lonely girl
Unwanted and unloved
But still thriving

I've turned a blind eye
For so I long i've tried to deny
But now I can no longer hide
My life is doomed
And I have to say goodbye
To the bright future I've always dreamed about
To the good things I always thought I'd have
My dreams are ruined
And I could've have blamed my parents
Instead I'll just blame myself

I miss the person I used to be

I'm kind of nothing much,
Just a silly girl who admire boys as such
Those who play in bands and like
Boys who can ride the skate or bike

Though I also like to play the guitar
But guitars don't like me, just left me a scar
In my finger where a ring should stay
From the one I love when it comes the day

Some days I dream to be an astronaut
Watching the night sky everynight til I caught
A cold that always starts with a sneeze
And ends with runny nose, oh dear! Oh Geez!

I made an honest mistake so I need to add more lines
That even though I fail sometimes
I always need myself to remind
That a dream never dies

So there's my little autobiography

Leigh Herondale  *February 2015

They don't realize i'm not fine.
That I hate myself and I want to die
They only see the child they used to know
Without realizing i'm now completely a different person.


© Leigh

I wish he'd unlove his girlfriend and fall for me instead.
Am I too bad?
No.
'Cause for starters, he doesn't even know me.
I'm just watching him from afar.
I'm okay.



© Leigh Herondale  *June 2015

Ayokong maging 'kailangan'
Gawin mo kong 'importante'
Kasi pwede kang maging kailangan
kahit hindi importante
Pero hinding-hindi ka magiging importante
Kung hindi ka kailangan.

I'm sorry you have to feel this way
I'm sorry if I can't do anything
I'm sorry if this will be just another poem
I'm sorry if your life had been just a sad song

What's the good in falling in love
When in the end
All you get is a jaded heart,
A cut in the wrist,
An empty pocket.

It doesn't matter how they would reflect on your poem
Whether it would go with your feelings or defy you completely
People are dumb, different and free
And would only see what they choose to see

Never being genuinely happy
Is the price for intelligence

When I try to be social
I miserably fail
I act like a butterfly
But all to no avail
So then I decided
To just hate them instead
Cause people don't give a ****
Unless you're pretty or dead
Now this pretty butterfly
Was really just a worm
Who learned the hard way
Of picking rose with its torn
Now she's digging into the Earth
Getting ready for her slumber
And if one day she succeed
She might just sleep forever


© Leigh Herondale  *September 2015

I want
so bad
to be somebody
to someone.



© Leigh Herondale  *June 2015