At times I wake up
Thinking why the hell did god let me see another day?
I barely pray.
Barely say “dear lord thank you, for blessing me”
Guess I have a purpose
28 years layin down feeling so worthless
Nobody’s perfect
I lashed out at everyone because inside I was hurtin.
Feelin so deserted - needing self glory.
Wondering every **** day
When I die, what was my story?
Was I gift? Sent here to help spread change?
Was I a monster? Sent here to help spread pain.
Maybe I was a non factor and just fell back
Maybe I touched a few hearts...while sadly remaining detached
I don’t kno what it is, nor can I ****** give anymore effort
This world is tough and everyday we all tryna to gain new leverage
I stop to see
What it was that was always in front of me
The open sea.
With endless possibilities…
I see my siblings and watch them go out and fulfill their dreams
I see my friends - growing up and accomplishing all they were meant to be
I see my mother - who pushes on when life gets heavy
I see my soul - who is uncertain yet, claims to remain ready.
But that’s life - it’ll always remain unsteady.
It’ll gas you up, lie to you and even act semi petty.
80 percent is how you react, while 20 percent is what you let in
I’ve let it all come into me - some would call me reactive.
Not many people enjoy you - this trait is not attractive.
Yet, I’m combative - for I am, the way I am and that’s that kid.
I’ve changed so much that I could’ve gotten into fashion
I feel I need a cause for the reason that I am who I am and I’m so tired of askin
God and I just don’t see eye to eye and he no longer understand why I need to cry
When I work out with my demons- thinking that I got stronger
Is it excuse that I wanna die young? Or can I not take it any longer?
Idk, don’t ask such personal questions until you walk a mile in they shoes
Don’t count your wins before your blessing or your destined to lose
Don’t say a rich man means having green in the money holdin machine...
To me success comes from the genuine love within a human being
Or does it.
I’m just tryna stay balanced on this uneven scale
Will I prevail or will I fail?
The clique so you chose the path you’d like to trail
You make the decisions that benefit
Even if they barely fit
Some sweat writing this ****
I’m nervous I’m losing hold and can’t get a grip
While sayin metaphors out these lips
Imma end this small poem here
Just tryna say don’t waste time on what don’t matter
You never know if you’ll see another year
Text someone you love - thank a stranger for holdin the door - tell the broken winged child they can fly and allow your heart to finally soar
Make peace with your demons - try your best to chase your dreams - to make change isn’t always visible - but the act of kindness & love will never remain unseen.

My mind
Whispers through the nighttime
Voices always keeping me up
Telling me I need to give up...
Cause lately
I’ve been in the backseat...to my own life
Trying to steer - and take control...but I don’t always know how to.
Is that alright?
For sadness is in our cup
And we tend to sip it slowly
What’s life worth...if everyone’s around but you feel so lonely?
No tears for the sorrow,
when we aren’t promised tomorrow
So why self indulge on our pity?
Attempting to heal our wild minds in this painful, structured city.
Searching for riches - to numb those who are morally poor
Standing up for those who are/were down, including myself...because I’ve been there and quiet frankly... I don’t wanna be sad, I don’t wanna be sad, I don’t wanna be sad anymore.

It’s been a while but wanted to write to you on better terms
Last time we spoke my life was taking a hard turn
Grew up a lot, learned sometimes its best to just let it burn
Nourish those who need the good in me their souls are starving ferns
I keep your memories because a good feeling is for good healing
Raise my hands up only to no longer just feel the ceiling
My vision changed and simplicity is way more appealing
Don’t need jump on people’s throats, take a breath and think about your core feeling.
I’ve made peace with your son - look what I’ve become
I face the things that challenge me,  no longer look to turn around and run
Life has its ups and downs but you’ve seen me through my struggles
Trying to lead my team but can’t always remember the plays in the huddle
My imperfections have sorta been corrected
Still need to be burn by the fire in order to learn my lesson
I found a new love, which is beyond a blessing
But I don’t feel I deserve it and that’s my own misconception
Gave up on being aggressive and showing off for the attention
I thank you everyday for your strength by the way...
That’s just something I needed to mention
You taught me I’m a product of what I go through
And even if they wrong don’t hurt them back just to help you

I gave up the drugs to numb my pain
I look up now but for the clear skies and not the rain
I don’t think I need to pull the trigger to help defuse my explosive brain
For the first time in my life I actually feel sane
The family good and seem more connected than ever
Feel we follow you and grannies policy of always keeping the family together
I’ve learned that I don’t need to escape nor think I don’t belong
Come around a bit more because my family needs me so we can collectively be strong
My past still haunts me and the demons remain strong
I’m working on letting that all go though and not trying to hold on.
That dark thought will sneak in and at times I’ll still ask for death
But I’m learning my purpose now and cherishing every single breath.
You’re the greatest man I’ve ever known and I miss you being around
The only man in my life I can truly say who’s never let me down
I thank you for your guidance
Protecting me from my internal violence
Learning to listen a bit more
You get the most out of others through your inner silence
That little boy opens his eyes now and is no longer hiding.
Finally appreciating my life, which is way more exciting.
Inspiration has come back, that’s why I got the chance to write you this song
Feels good to let go of everything I’ve done wrong.
****.
You taught me to remember when I get set backs
Been through the worst times to get the best back
Wish sometimes I could go back in time and give the low me a jet pack.
But...
You was right about it all, Im finally learning for myself
I hope this is someway a thank you for all your spiritual help.
Promise to keep spreading your word and only improving myself
Hope the angels take care of you until I see you myself.

"You don't just walk away when it gets tough babe! You work it out together when it comes to relationships and lov...tha...peerrrsonnn..." (her voice)

Yeah,
But I guess I was just dreaming
You see I wrote this first part weeks before the news
Because it was you - I still believed in
Regardless of the paid respects
You can't buy someone's love for any less
Can't clean up the previous mess
I was the problem when I had you at ya best!
(Dayum)
I hate the way you would avoid a text
The truth was between the lines
But the lies were all that were left
Thought I was drowning in your eyes but really it was just time for me to reflect
Ended things calmly but feel like I was just  in a vortex
Can't be afraid of goodbyes when hellos seem to be the hardest

Truth is I wish I deserved it
Asking all the time to see her only to get curved in
Silent treatment to someone who only tried to treat ya
Knowing her life was getting tough and I was trying to keep ya.

Tell me who was trying to push away who?
Maybe March 17th was the last time I really met you.
And I don't believe that the last time we spoke that was really you
Sometimes **** just gets hard and you gotta get thru.

(And I know you'll make it)

Can't give into love's strain and conviction
I hate that I love you...without the realization of my false contradictions.
Given up on me - yet, add another to the list
My mind boggles these days but not in the thought of you - but when things with us took a sudden switch
Crazy to think you give someone everything you got to just be forgotten
The way you handled those last few weeks were foul girl - spoiled rotten.

Why comeback only to leave?
To showcase who you "truly" are but only for yourself to see?
To reach out to someone who just can't be reached
This seems to be a pattern of one's personality
I don't need clarity.
The pen is loaded - the target is set
Why can't I pull the trigger!?
You quit on us and deserve the shots!
Why am I trying to be bigger!?
...
Cause I've learned a lot
Took some deep breaths
saw what was hurting me temporarily instead of making me feel blessed
This isn't shade
This is honesty and telling the truth of ones false reality
A lot of stars in the sky but figured you and I were the brightest in the galaxy

This letter to you is for you to see what you can do to someone when you make decisions based off emotions
Stop pulling the next person with you just because you can't swim in your own painful ocean
Let go of that anger
You're too pretty to frown
Let go of her legacy too - you won't make the same mistakes when you finally fall in love and pick out a gown.

Disappointment - for sure but you live and you learn
Need to stop holding on to the firey moments
Maybe that's why it's so hard to let these memories burn.
Lessons were taught and two people found growth within each other
Let's not pretend like we are rooting for us to simply find another.
Our bond was special
But the timing was off
We'll never know what could've been
And sadly that's our loss
I only want the best for you
And that's on my heart
I'd be lying if I said I saw the day wed truly fall apart

But

At times I wonder - when it all unfolded that day,
did I say all that I needed?
why didn't I beg you to stay?
Cause you loved the old me and I'm a different person these days.
Still hard to look at the woman you loved
And tell yourself it's time to walk away.

You wipe ya face quickly - put up a smile...and just go....(eachos out)

But doug wait...
Hol up let me quickly say my final word
If this piece ever reaches you i need this part to be heard
I love you to death and would re up with you in a second
If you were mad after reading this you didn't decipher the love from pain in this message
I pray for you all the time, hope you get all the good you deserve and tell god to keep you safe from any harm or danger
But I gotta leave ya on this final note
"If only we could go back again...and become strangers."

Thank you (echoes out)

Have you ever felt like you put on mask to hide what it is that truly eats you?
And gave everything you got to fight back  the moments that truly defeat you?
To wish upon a star that only occasionally shines
To pray to a angel who just no longer has the time
To wake up from nightmares while sleeping walking a dream
Hoping that this pretty world isn't as ugly as it seems
Am I a victim?
Course I'm a victim
I hear what you're saying doc
It's just easier not to listen
I'm looking back at the mirror
I see him clearer
He's the hatred I've had inside of me and I can feel him
Can you fix that?
Stop telling me to love my dad
It's easy to diagnose someone when you haven't walked a day in their past
I respect ya comments and cherish ya feedback
But you've never hated being half of what you are while fading back!
You've never took a pill to numb your open wound
You've never drank and wrote suicidal notes alone in your room
You've felt doom?
Tell me what it was like?
Did you forgive the outcome?
Or just enjoy telling me what's right?
Can't force a triangle into a square
Can't lead a army of broken hearts until you've felt despair
Don't you dare!
Sit there, look through me and stare
Come with me first
And I'll take you down the devils stairs
I'll show you lost
Show you pain and show you terror
Show you a little boy
Whose day's just never seemed to get better
I've given my all - I've tried my best and still came up short
I've married happiness - but never saw this sudden divorce
Forever I do!
I'd go back if she wanted me back
But the insecurities and memories get in the way of all that
Don't feel my pain!
Just look at me and smile back
I can't give in too this!
NO!
I will never do that
I've cried enough and ripped out plenty of hair
I've had a pity party! Sat alone, and pretended life wasn't fair
I've enjoyed the ride
Thought itd be better to die
I've broken promises - took a loss and even attempted to swallow my pride
I've yelled loud and did plenty that I'm not proud
I've had hope and more so even had doubt
I've had this - I've had that
No sense to repeating all that
I'm just done with the same story and continuing to look back
I'm sorry for my actions and questioning my reactions
Please just accept me!
It's simple and that's all that I'm asking
I've finally arrived
I'm here and so alive
I'm ready to get what I deserve
I'm ready for my time

The old me is dead, and that’s okay because...
I revived.

Can you leave tomorrow?
Please stay the night.
I promise I will
Make things right.
We can wake up one more time
Our hearts intertwined
Before you leave to tomorrow
Just let me try...
Before you leave tomorrow
Before you say goodbye
I know you leave tomorrow
Before you leave

Stay here and lay here right in my arms
Its only a few moments...until you're gone
And I....will keep you warm
Just act like you love me
So I can go on
Please act like you love me
I want to go on..

Give us one more night
Just lying in bed
We can wake up to the sunlight
Kisses to your forehead
Doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I just gotta make sense of it
Then you'll be gone in the morning
And you'll be over this...
Please just one more night
So I can forget..

Stay here and lay here right in my arms
Its only a few moments...until you're gone
And I....will keep you warm
Just act like you love me
So I can go on
Please act like you love me
I want to go on..

When you go...
Please sneak out as I sleep
Cause I can't take the sight
Of watching you leave
If you go...
I'll know why now
And it was because of me
And when you do go...
Please don't forget...
All of our memories.

Please, stay here and lay here right in my arms
Its only a few moments...until you're gone
And I....will keep you warm
Just act like you love me
So I can go on
Please act like you love me
I want to go on..
Just act like you love me....
I need to go on.

She...she sets the mood with her thigh high dress
She...she sets the tone with her mind on ***
But she thinks "resist"... for confusion, confusion sets in when lust becomes stronger than love.. oh, has lust become stronger than us?

For I...
I...have fallen for you
You have become my addiction..oh..
Have my heart in your conviction,
Lock me up...
Throw away the key,
A prisoner in your inconsistency...

For has lust become stronger than love...
Has lust become stronger than us?
I don't know...don't ask me if I care
Addicted to your eyes, please don't stop with your stares
Blood drippin down the stairs, from something shattered.
Buzzed off the mixture - of emotions and disaster.

Alone, alone in my room - oh
Where you set the tone...hm, set the tone
With your ***, with your mind
Only question is this time...
Did lust become stronger than love?
How did we forget...did we forget about us?

Yeah,
It's been a while but figured I need to write you some
27 now and hope you're proud of who I've become
I've fallen a lot but felt your grace pick me up
My guardian angel with me pushing any kinda luck
I've been asked a few times who I wanna be as I get older
Said you just in case I never told ya
Grandpa told me what you did when I was a kid in need of guidance
Protecting my eyes from my father's influence and violence
I heard that and couldn't help but I shed a tear
Not a min goes by that I don't wish you were here
My drive is strong but everyday I know you
help me steer
My moment is big with the critics talking but you're the only voice that I hear
You taught me to always **** em off with kindness
When you show who you truly are when no ones watching - that's when you're at ya finest...
Taught me to handle it when I get set backs
Been through the worst times to get the best back
At times I feel I ain't work hard enough to get where I wanna go
And feel i can't move forward cause I ain't let the past go
Still holdin in some anger from things that don't think about me
I'm blinded by my emotions in which truly I can't see
I'm trying to become everything and more that you'd be proud of
I'm trying give back more and show more love
It's hard when naturally this doesn't go through you
People won't understand all this unless they knew you
I promise to get better and be the example
And showcase who I am instead of giving out samples
You're the reason I get up everyday and gain motivation
Because you can't get what you want if you remain complacent
Need your help to guide my broken heart to pure places
Give me the strength to become a lil more patient
So I say a prayer for you, cross my heart and continue to strive
And hope that you remain with me on my journey and never leave my side.
You was right but I had to see for myself
I guess it took time for me to earn for myself
I hope this is somewhat a thank you for all ya help
I hope the angels take care of you until I see you myself.

Rest in peace Opa
Miss you

Excuse me? You wrote this right?
Why do you write me goodbye?
Why do you no longer believe in me?
Why are you internally letting me die?
For I - am the reason for everything.
I am the laughter and the pain
I am the feeling you get from the sunrise
I'm the emotions carried down your cheeks when it rains
You're angry at me...
I took em away...like I gave up on you
When your heart every time begged for them to stay
I am building you...you needed to lose me in order to understand that I'll be back again and you will be a better you
You can't run away from me anymore or yourself nor the truth
I live inside of your pain...
I know you tell others you'll never truly be the same but...you lie
You lie to hide what it is you truly are inside
You have the ability to give a love beyond what many can imagine
You just choose now to block your hearts valves with unforgivness and sadness
Why won't you look at me?
You use to love eye contact
Why won't you hold my hand?
You use to love symbolic impact..
I'm still here,
I have endured you long enough pushing me away
What is it about love you don't want? You don't believe in? That you don't think I should stay?
For your heart beats for that one, right?
You yearn for the possibility of showing the kind of man you are...the amount of love you can give.
Just know, I'm one of the essentials in life - without me...it's nearly impossible to truly live.

I was there when you remembered - I was there when you cried - I was there when they walked away - I was there when they died. I was there in the smiles - I was there for the laughs. I was there at first sight - I was there at the last. I was there when you've fallen steep - I was there when you've risen - I was there when you hated me...I'll remain here....even if not forgiven.

For I am love,
I never left you. I always remained here by your side
Please stop running away from me -
Please let me back in
Forgive me
Please, don't say goodbye.

I - remain numb to the prosecutor
Laws of attraction but no morals still remain cuter
I rebuke ya,
With ideas of positive retribution
you living in someone else's shadow?
F$&k; a life sentence
That's a self inflicted execution
Here's my two cents
Cause the cost of life is much more
Pockets so rich
But ethically they so poor
Give em all you got
They turn around and want more
This method of life that killed what we living for
It's dead wrong
Lyrically I'm blessed with a mind that plays so finesse
Don't give a f$&k; about the critics when the words come off the chest
We tryna impress who?
Every person that we see?
I guess it's me, tryna be
Everything that they need
A brother, a son, future father, friend and inspiration
Tell em to focus but I constantly lose my concentration
Slowly awaiting
The dollar bills and fast life
If the Devil were human probably have to take my first life
Or do a deal
Addiction got me for real
I know life's a ***** and I'm loving the way that she feels

Yeah,

Unsure cause my instincts haven't been tested
Well, I've been tested
Passing notes filled with a subliminal message
And no questions
Far from tryna reach the answer
That line probably went over ya head in that very last stanza
Cops yelling put ya hands up
walking alone with ***** curls
Never had heat on me, just vibin out in this cold world
Just wanna speak a lil and explain what my mind constantly grinds
Broken hearted women who looking for any love to find
Mean hearted men who smile back to pretend
This war on love is to ongoing and will probably never end
All issues with those who I had a problem with I now amend
Life is too short to forever hold the hate in
Word to my pen
I'll write more and more again
Cause it's bound to reach one soul
Open at least one eye of a friend
We all die but know not everyone lives
That simple concept should be a sure privilege.

I...Cross my eyes and dot my tees
Becoming the man I chose to be
The pressure of life got me stumbling
But I continue to move my feet...

And chase diamonds in the rough....(echoes out)

Put my head down when I walk in a house full of mirrors
I don't need to see the man who has single handily destroy my appearance
This personality disorder got me stuck in lack of control
I'll warm up to you at first but end our relationship real cold
A monster..
Maybe I'm stuck inside the belly of the beast
Societies ignorance is thanksgiving
And everyday I feast
Promise things won't be weird if ever again you and I meet
I never knew what love was thought that concept all but deceased
...
I'm an idea and nothing more when it comes to women
Intrigued by my persona and try to go deep within him
Only to drown
My soul has become deeper than the ocean
I swear I'm mature enough at 27
But my childish actions leave me vulnerable and wide open
I can blame it on my father or that the fact that I may never take responsibility
Two paths to choose
And I constantly walk the road of hostility
Take the knife outta my mind
My cut throat thoughts are hurting all my encounters
Need to medicate my brain but not the ****t you get over the counter
Y'all see a smile all the time and I'll continue to show you positive emotions
Always had to be strongest and show enforced devotion
Lead by example - too many eyes are watching
My legs are way past exhaustion everyday I feel like stopping
It's like I'm trying to sell myself to the world but ain't nobody shopping
Prove and show and show and tell
Maybe I don't put in enough
Your interior is too soft for your outside to be so tough
You balanced on a beam trying to outweigh death
You can't truly understand life until you experience some sorta loss of breath
The answers all over the walls
But you still fail every test
Tryna to clean up your act but still remain a mess
The perception looks good and people see you going like you got it all together
But the sunshine they seeing doesn't change your stormy weather
This a mind over matter
You're the only one who can change your own disaster
Take all of your flaws and serve it up on a platter
No one will come for seconds
No one wants to feed into ya pity
Talk is cheap - and your words barely cost a penny
Turn life into a 180 and flip the script on yourself
Because at the end of the day when you fall
You're the only one who can pick up yaself.
Don't look too deep into my rhymes
For metaphorically I've committed a crime
Place my thoughts behind bars
And let my wisdom do time
Dear lord, can you let me go on bond and release?
The melody of my new tune finally has me at peace
Or do feel I'm another lying convict that's trying to lie and deceive?
You can't be outspoken in a world that's morally broken
A dime for your concepts and quarter for your emotion
Been told my talent oozes out but the cut is closing
Maybe I'm afraid of the spotlight & what they'll think
Maybe I don't know what door to open
Maybe something has happen to me...
Y'all keep looking at the pictures in hopes that I'll never change
That I'll grow with my experiences and start to write a whole new page
That he'll remain enjoyable- loving and honorable to his name
Promised myself I was okay - but I know I'll never be the same.

Hi.
You might not know me
But for real
I don't even blame you
I gave up long ago
on sharing who I was
while hiding
who I am

Hi.
I seem a stranger
good and bad
and all the in-between
It wasn't so pretty
or easy, or real, or "fine"
but I am
OK now.

Hi.
I was an addict.
drugs of choice?
Elusive approval
Associated shame
Stolen identity
Yes, I was
just a fraud.

Hi.
Here I am broken.
you scold me
and then I lose myself
a scapegoat to be razed
to be a throwaway
But I raised
my self up.

Hi.
I’m a mosaic
Living art
I'm pieces of past lives
And though I was scattered
I am collected now
I made this
this beauty

Hi.

Dear Expectations,

I have given up on believing in you. It seems that for years and years and so many more years to come. You have constantly sent out more pain than you have happiness. You give a sense of hope that doesn't equal someones reality. You portray this false imagination. You try to allow myself and others to believe that if we set certain standards and place things/people on a pedestal... That we will achieve you. Why is it that even after constant let down we allow you back into our lives? why do we still wait for you? expect you? hope and wish for you? set you so high...
To expect is to assume
to assume is to make a mockery out of yourself
I'd rather not.

I don't expect her to ever speak to me again
I don't expect those who've doubted me to suddenly believe
I don't expect my lost friends and family to suddenly be found
I don't expect immediate change
I don't expect the best outcomes to my hard work, right away.
I don't expect you to love me
I don't expect my father and I to ever have a relationship
I don't expect freedom in a life of chains
I don't expect anything, anymore

The only expecting I do now is the kind I can control

I expect myself to love who deserves to be loved
I expect myself  to be the best man I can be
I expect myself to try and change what is my flaws
I expect myself to be there always for my family and some friends
I expect myself to believe in me
I expect myself to try even if it's so much easier to quit
I expect myself to forgive...Even when I know they don't deserve it
I expect my self to live...even when life has killed all my faith
I expect myself to fight...even when I don't have much left
I expect myself to always remain honest to who I am

Expectations.

We place em on things that we have no control over...
on people who just may not be able to live up to our needs
we can't expect anything out of anyone or thing...
all we can do is expect what we want in ourselves.
Put out in life what we hope...but don't expect...to get back.

Change your mindset - Change your heart - Change your life

Ill take the train at the same time
the same stop, the same side
We'll reminisce about old days
to try and fill the awkward space tonight

I'll play those songs you used to love
while we try and fall in love again
no idea who's wrong or right
but we don't care enough to fight
we're going through the motions
don't think we can fix what's broken...
and I know it's gonna hurt
but my dear I'll go first
I just can't keep on saying... those three empty words
No, I can't keep saying... those three empty words

Use to talking everyday
now I wouldn't know what to say to ya
What really starts to break me down
I tried holding on, couldn't save us

Might've been easier to stay
But it'd never be the same, no oh no..
You never know when it's gonna change
didn't think I'd see us being here

Hm, we're going through the motions
don't think we can fix what's broken
and I know it's gonna hurt
but my dear I'll go first
I just can't keep on saying those three empty words
those three empty words
seem to only make it worst
so tired, can't take anymore
those three empty words
only make it worst
both tired, hearts empty on the floor

we're going through the motions
don't think we can fix what's broken
and I know it's gonna hurt
but my dear I'll go first
I just can't keep on saying those three empty words
we don't have to keep on saying those three empty words
But I'll always remember you first saying... those three empty words.

That beautiful mind - what is she thinking?
Is she thinking about you?
Maybe it was about her summer?
Maybe she hasn't thought things through?
Her mind could be racing...
Trying to finish her last thought
Or maybe her brain ain't been the same
Since her hearts been lost.
Does she wonders about her future?
Maybe reminisce about what's happened in her past...
Thinking about loving me - but can she more so than her last?
Her figment thought have her mind dancing in the moonlight - while she rises so high her feet can't touch the ground
She's daydreaming about...nothing - nothing
Just sleeping on a cloud.
Simplicity fuels her membrane
All while sleeping on a cloud.
Said she's never coming down
The earth is too vague - the city is way too loud
Yeah
My Darling daydream...
But what's she thinking now?...

As I move closer - whisper sweat nothings in her ear.
Maybe she's thinking clear, this man I both adore and fear...
One moment it's summer nights - next the cold winter snow
What is she thinking?
Guess I'll never really know
Stares at me with her smile...
But the clock never stops ticking
Is she thinking that she's fulfilled love?
Or does she wonder what's missing...
Girl, let me into your beautiful mind
Let me dive in and explore
Let me see all your thoughts, your desires and so much more.

And I wonder what's she thinking?
My darling keeping on daydreaming.
Imagine your heart filled with love
Your soul full of meaning.
Sleeping on her peaceful cloud.
As she continues, daydreaming.

She's saying "boy I'm paid"
That's all gotta say
I'm like who knew who knew who knew
One day I can make a true lover out of
You too you too you too
She says
You're stubborn and covered
I'm insecure but undiscovered
Listen to me please...
I don't want another
Please...
Cause we're both a long way from home
We both have the windows down
Listening to our favorite song
I need you to help heal my pain
I'll re-write your wrongs
Please don't give up on us
We have something that's too good.

Girl talk to me tell me all you've been thru
I want to hear it - your beautiful mind is what i want to walk through
Trust me- hold my hand
I promise to never let you fall
You make me a better man
The queen to my throne
My girl who can do it all

She just wants me to know that I'm there
I want her to feel where I've been
She knows we're about to fall in love
I know that she's perfect and I'm in
I wrote a letter to the sky saying
Baby don't forget how it feels to kiss me
She asked me if at night do you miss me?
Always and forever
Baby you don't get any better
You're changing my life for good
Everyday is sunny weather
Let me show you what you deserve
She told me two times may too much
I'm saying look at what we have
She asked why are you afraid of us...
Mhmm why are you?

I have a whole lot to prove
A whole lot to lose
A million girls in the world
And all I care about is you
A million mistakes to be made
Two guards preventing our potential
You're so far away so I know our communication is detrimental
I never for a second question any part of us
On the train writing you this song
****, think I'm falling in love
Our bond is past special
Our chemistry is off the charts
I stare at you so amazed
My priceless work of art
Mhmm and I promise to always fill you in
Promise to tell you who I am and all I've been
Ask me what I want...girl it's only you
Show Me your scars, give me your love
Let me explore more of you
Thank you
Accept me
I'm sorry
Please don't give up on me---C...
Mhmmm
Because you know you're my baby.

Hol up

You don't know how much...
You've helped me grow - you've helped me grow baby
And
You don't know how much I've been trying to show you
Know you
Help me tho
Oh girl you know I've been suffering and you heal me
Baby you complete me..
Baby I would go insane for your love
do whatever I can and above
There is no game...
Please see me and understand...
You're it girl
Don't see anyone else...but you in these plans
Behind every king is a queen - a strong woman behind every man.

(My queen)

Think it's time to finish this story
Time to tell what has haunted me inside
Of 27 years of suffering
Staring back at another man inside
You've scared me for so long
I no longer want to run and hide
My reflection is what truly
Makes me terrified
I've asked myself questions
Since I was little, I've always asked why?
How can a man not love something
That's half of him and deny
The fact that pain will and forever
Last in this little boy's lies
Saying he's okay
When inside he's dark and so distant
Amongst so many people who love him
But his whole life he's felt so different
Wanting to just grow...
But the idea of you causes his resistance
He's never just came out and said it
What was wrong with me that you did so much wrong!?
Why couldn't I be proud of who I was!?
Why did you let me see what you did to mom?
Do you know what you've done?
Can you understand what you put me through?
Mind hasn't been the same
Since dealing and learning about you
Hatred turned my heart
So dark and so full of pain
My life has been confusing
At times I feel like my mind is insane
I won't ever stop asking
The question of "why am I half of you?"
I understand I took the qualities
That makes me nothing like you
But my cheeks soak my tears still
And I get these moments where I feel I can't hold on
I thank those men in my life
Who helped replace you and keep me so strong
But there is a scar that I...know will never heal
I know that life teaches you how
To make better from the cards that he deals
So for the first time in my life
I forgive you!
Please let me move on!
You've taken so much from us
But mommy and I are too strong
We've gained peace of mind now
And clarity has finally found our hearts
This piece is just for me to tell you
I'm not son and we're so far apart
I've brought joy to the people
Who love me and see me for myself
I've grown into a man
Who guides those who may need that help
I've become the person you weren't
And the man I'm proud to be...
A part of me will always wonder...
What was it that was wrong with me?
You'll never understand the...
Moments That I've grown from your misery
The first key is acceptance
Then I've learned to love my reflection
A little boy crying out loud
A man who brings him protection
So dear father I...
I wanna tell you this as the truth
Anyone can be a father but just being a dad is something you couldn't even do
Your name has haunted me
It's brought blood straight to my eyes
Your ways have brought to my heart
27 years of living a lie
I'm freezing my soul now
And getting past what I never thought I could do
Mommy told me this and I believe it now
I'm not a single part of you.
So dear bland Simpkins you better hear me
Listen to every word that I say
This piece has allowed me to officially be free now
My honesty has finally pushed you away
Thank you for teaching me
Lessons that will help propel my life
Who I'm becoming is a blessing
And I'm doing all I can right
So the man in the mirror I shatter your reflection
I smile and tell you this eye to eye
Thank you for everything
Thank you for showing me how to never be that kind of guy
Dear father, dear dad, dear donor
This is my freedom - this is my final piece - this is forever...goodbye.

(Please never comeback - I'm free now)

So many times of misplacment
So many hearts in replacement
Why is love becoming abrasive?
Oh how could you just...
Sit on the other side and stare at your phone?
okay with the feeling of being and living alone..
Collecting their hearts this behavior I cannot condone, yeah
Did you ever see me?
Has my soul taken full transparency?
Talk to me - ask me where it is my mind has gone...
Tell me I'm right for believing in all of your wrong,
Feel my pain as the pen bleeds in this song
You, no longer want me
No longer love me I....

(Beats drops dramatically)

I can't feel nothing, my body is numbing
Searching for you, why can't I see something?
Looking for words
blank thoughts remain
It's the woman who suffers the most in this game.
Turn the tables - swallow the meal that you've made
Stick a fork in her heart and cut her right through her veins.
Yeah,
Swim in her mind, all her memories reside
Stop watching em drown, stop watching em die...

yeah... (Echos out)

Mhmm please come save me, while you still have time!
Why must they leave when you're running on your lifeline...
I - I don't understand, I...don't (crying) understand...

(She looks up - wipes her tears and anger comes)

Moment after moment
I've allowed Cupid to control this
(Control this)
Yeah, control this
It's my turn to finally show this
You cheated on me, but I'm depressed
I refuse, I refuse
To allow another man to get me upset
I need to be strong, I need to move on
A queen never lets a prince do her wrong
You cut and you ripped
You hurt me like this
But I build and I grow and I'll
(Learn from this)
Repressed and refreshed
Make - up smeared - I'm a mess
Let me clean up myself and show the world
(How I do this)
You can take back your kisses
Gifts, and false - fake wishes
I'm better than ever and you're the last thing I'm missing.
Bet you thought this was about you...
You know it was about you
Bet you thought I would fall and crash
Bet you thought I couldn't make it with you...
Bet you this, bet you that
Those memories are deleted, all those words taken back.
You smiled at my tears, but guess who'll get the last laugh?
You claimed to be a man and sit high on your thrown
Well, I've yet to see a king and a person who's grown
And let me tell you one thing, you couldn't break me if you tried
We women grow from the pain and build from what lies.

Okay, so you just...
Go around breaking hearts just to see what's inside?
Your mother left you so you can't read a woman's eyes?
Listen to your other side, put down your pride
Did you ever think that - I'd need that?
To stay alive...

Promises are lies...
You listen with a hopeful mind
"Maybe it'll be different this time..."
That silence inside
The rips in your soul
The bad habits of a "good thing" that never seem to get old,
Use your feet - go ahead and be so bold
Walk away, your story still remains untold...
But It is so cold...
...

I - loved you with purity and sensual affection,
Too much to ask the man of my dreams to free me from my nightmares of never being selected...
First, in the eyes of the one who carried my heart...Second to the woman to who he paid more attention that...Third time could of been a charm but...the Fourth coming didn't seem to send love to the right spots, honesty in the right message.

What does this darkness bring?
Lost intuition, burnt pictures.
Filled up bottles of wining, that collected all of the tears that I sing.
Wading in the emotions
Drowning in this moment
Staring back at my lying King.
A broken bond that reflects on the floor of a fallen ring...
Because if you don't learn - you will never know...
You'll never know a good thing.

See I'm so self destructive
Hurt anyone one that comes near
Love is still one of my fears
Gathered up so many tears
Told myself I would change
And I started to grow
Feel like this time around, I'm not the one who's at fault
How can you be so in love? Then suddenly become distant strangers
To mend a heart is so much trouble
That's broken, torn and mangled
I swore that things would be different
You and I in a position
I tried to get you to talk
Impossible for you to listen
The writing all on the walls
Break up hyroglifics
Two people who've become distant
A lot of pushing and resistance
Our souls didn't mesh well - why do we keep trying to mix it?
I'm walking away
You're screaming out loud
No one wants to say sorry because their pride is too proud
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

You deepen more of my sickness
Just stared at me like a witness
You stretched out my demons
Put me through hell's fitness
I swore you were the cure
I finally healed when you left
Could never breath around you
I finally caught my breath.
I'm not opposed to love  
I'm opposed to deception
But what I've learned in this life
The last one is your most valuable lesson
You can learn from the past
Or get stuck and stay lost
Too many fish in the sea to not reel up and re toss
These days I'm slowly overthinking
At times you may cross my mind
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

I thank you for showing me something
That I didn't see back then
Don't need a response from you
Don't care to even be friends
I'm just liberating my mind, finally releasing my heart
Having full faith in myself and let time play its part
You've turned me into a brother - mama said she has a better son
Sometimes we forget to see all the good
that comes out of each outcome.
I found purity in someone else
I promise not to push her away
Because unlike the past
She sees a future with me
Learned to swallow my pride
Stop looking back at my mistakes
Realize it wasn't truly love
Just two people who made a mistake
But I can't help to wonder...
Always be a feeling inside...
How come it never worked?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die

~¥€€¥~

Yeah,
I've kept quite and figured the pen ran outta ink
The message wasn't too clear and these days it's been hard to just sit down and think
Let me stop for a min and take you back to where it all started
Half the people I grew up with are non existent- but all them departed
I get on this and self proclaim myself the realist and smartest
Thinking outside of the box but boxed in my own words
Keeping my talents to a minimum and remain so modest.
They gon run they mouth before they ever talk to you
Saying a whole lotta nothing's, thinking they logic is the truth
Feel like I never say much but there is a lot to know
Feel like the difference between us is really starting to show
I've stepped away from my heart and suddenly forgot the meaning  
Forgot that feeling of being a young man - fearless and optimistically dreaming
I'm not saying I'm back im just saying the pen is lit so you better keep caution
Or I'll let it all leak out like its blood comin out the faucet
With slick metaphors and play on words that don't really play
Subliminal bullets with SHH names that I  shouldn't say
The reigning king you'd swear I'm bringing victory back to Cleveland
Celebrating with my team and all the people who never stopped believin
I've stopped thinking about what they thinking about and watched my success finally rise
You can glare at him all you want but can't take the determination outta this poor child's eyes
The hit came outta no where
You know the haters don't like the art of surprise
Their whispers are the inspiration
We grow from their doubt and constant congratulatory lies
Shake your hand - saying they feeling you but quick to stab your back
Look out deeper in the woods, snakes are everywhere and not just in the grass
I lost a step but gained two more, hop scotched over what they didn't know I could do
Tired of talking past pain, my father and most of all about you
Progression doesn't start unless you finally start to rev your engine
That green light come on and your drive should push you to that happy ending
If you don't lose sleep thinking about your dreams you ain't truly dreaming
If you ain't cry a few times while working you ain't really putting in a meaning
If you have the same amount of people in your circle when it's all said it done...
You ain't truly make it
If you never folded once under the pressure
Your point never truly hit breaking
This the formula that shows the good from great
She says she loves you but how much of that love can she truly take?
Money don't buy happiness and that logic remains truthful
But the change from the change still helps keep one's life fruitful.  Crazy.
But this concludes the ending of Dougie Simps and simply forgetting what it meant to let the pen do his talking
I've run out ink - the blood all over my hands now. Imma see ya when I see ya. (He turns slowly...and continues walking -away.)
- I'm Gone

How do you convince a broken heart that it's completely beautiful?
-Dougie Simps

Light up the medicine to help heal the minds core
Drink up no worries until you don't feel the pain anymore
This ain't addiction
This is conviction
Trying to prove my point to the old and ignorant
But what's the point in such a dull time
Me speaking my mind is probably a federal crime
Allow the vice to loosen up as I raise the price of my forbidden confidence
To say what's on my mind all while dealing with the consequence
Half man and half dead that shuffles through
Feeling alive on a cloud but probably looking dead to you
Hm
Don't take these words for granted
The weak and simple minded will look at them hella slanted
I'm feeling great
Food for thought all stacked on my plate
I see the stars align, old heros who were once great
Imagine if I could pick apart their brains,
I bet we would've relate

Hungry for power - should be hungry for knowledge, like what book can I devour?
Old girls still acting all sour
Claiming I'm not doing ****t
I'm doing everything but you, she just can't cope with it
But back to program back to these Jordan's
Back to the money and back to the slow jams
Nah
Increase my value to issue out more than materialistic value
And see the battle in which my heart, mind, soul all decided to scatter
My heart was beating for certain meaning that my mind couldn't quite understand
And my soul was tired of both of them trying to manipulate the decision of being a certain type of man
Did you struggle?
And feel the faithless wonder disappear?
Praying to god but the devil is constantly whispering all in your ear
Hearing voices, making bad choices but it all apart of growing up.
No one dies a ****** because at some point we all gave a f$@k
High as the alps, lost in my thoughts
Found in my prayers
Wondered if I fell down, who would be there?
Wondering if I have my heart, who else willing to share?
Wondering if I died tomorrow, who would truly care?
Questions we all ask, while trying to complete the task. Are you truly living your life? Are you afraid the good times won't last?
Are you happy right where you are? Don't look at me like that.
You haven't asked yourself these questions until the last time it all went bad...
I bring the realization to life and call you out on your problems
You keep responding with "a new day same ****t" but continue to never solve em.
People these days lack evolution
Settling the new trend - life is the real movie and all ya playing pretend.
I'm playing a role to
And it's called contradiction...
I've yet to try change but expect everyone else to listen?
These words - yes, yes these words are to be nothing more but understood
Turn life into your own - make life what you should.

For if I closed my eyes
I wouldn't of ever saw you
But my open heart
Still, would've let you in
Therefor...
Disaster was inevitable
Pain was destined
Disappointment was always near
But growth was promised.

Ugh
I could sit here and write to you for 12 more months
I could sharpen your image or speak to you just a lil more blunt
Oh you still in a funk?
But the music is off?
Post a picture with ya real intentions & captioned it "another loss"
Cause that's what you get when you lie to yaself
Eyeliner following a similar path, prideful lipgloss to stubborn to ask for help
But she'll ask for wealth
And say she was mistreated
Saying all men are the same and they intentions misleading...
Yeah?
Cause with me you were well treated, appreciated, serenaded and so perfect
Give it time and you'll start to see who's worth and who's worthless
****
My bad I lost my methods of being a gentleman
Swear mama would **** me
Don't take my emotional bars as a way to say you know the real me
Cause the real me is with those I was with back when I could get a quarter
The ones who would sell a few nickels and sip liquor like water
I feel like people always testing my progression
Tell me I'm doing well but still await my regression
X the only one who know how I deal with the pressure
Take my kindness for weakness and ya will feel my aggression
Haven't felt this fruitful since pac was here spitting lessons
"Only God can judge me" and slowly awaiting his blessings.
I remember being part of it all
I remember when I sat there hoping daddy would call
I remember seeing all my old friends start to randomly fall off
I remember walking with my headphones on and feeling so lost
Butter knife thoughts that could cut the cord
Are these malnourished feelings worth nurturing anymore?
If you had a million, tell me what could you afford?
Throw a couple singles to a broken woman just fix ya mood when ya bored
Think about
Where have you been?
Money don't buy happiness but I'll take the down payment
Building up my ego with Lincoln,
Grant and Franklin.
Talking that **** but still keep the mind so humble
Life is a marathon you bound to slip up and stumble
It's the recovery can you pick back up?
Just know when you give your all it may never be enough.
There is a difference between us and it's starting to show
Ive see you change outta no where and lose sight of the flow
You used to tell the real, the best stories and keep it a buck
No a days it's a whole lot of talking and you not giving a ****
But who am I to judge
I'll probably lost sight of the vision
Selective views from the top
On a success tunnel vision
Talk a lot but know none of it's safe
I got a few spots in this track that could quickly put you in your place
Mixed reviews like the boy drake
Tell me they want the crown but have no idea what it takes
This confused generation with they heads stuck in the wrong
You only know how to put in the work when all else goes wrong

"Now it's hussle time"

But imma close this out with shots no chaser
Every woman who's givin up Imma shout you out quick and thank ya
To those who couldn't stay in the car when I told you this was a long ride
Ya the same that'll come out when you see me in time
Motivation from some of the fam but I'll leave that for thought
Just know I'm thinking in way that's so far gone and my mind is meant to be lost.
Skilled with this pen the ink represents my direction
Left the past, started doing right, fell behind but never stopped moving forward...
Cause...
This here my direct message.

- gone

Tell me have you ever opened your eyes...
Seen the hit coming...?
Where are you now? Where did you hide?
Are you still running?
Running away from me?
Telling yourself "you need to go".
Your heart still beats for me
But your mind is letting go.
It's in the air
The feeling of us
Both trying to move on but we can't adjust
You lie in bed and close your eyes
You still feel the emotion just give it time
As we watch the clock tic on you and I
Think the seconds turned to minutes but I realized
That I've been working so hard, putting in overtime
But does that mean I'll be having you over time?
Maybe I'm being naive, controlled, silly and enslaved
You opened up my soul but left my chances in the cage
You told me it was all perfect, now this was all a mistake?
Her confused mind leads to uncertainty, forcing herself to leave converts possibilities to a sure heartbreak.

Now I'm sitting here thinking all day long
The topic of conversation and it feels so wrong
Because you ain't doing the same and are so far gone
So afraid of the past that our future is done.
We all know the grass ain't greener on the other side
Thinking another man is holding what should be mine...(echoes out)

(alarm clock)

****... This all wasn't a dream
It still doesn't make sense...
Why'd this have to happen to me?
Why didn't I look...before making that turn?
You know what they say in life?
You're greatest mistakes is what helps you learn
Never regret what made you smile
Never live with regret...
Life is a feeling process...
And I feel the becoming of my best.

Look I know girls love Rihanna,
Have an attitude like Nicki
Woke up like Beyoncé
Then hit the gram in they Vickis
These days it's hard to meet women
All have a problem with commitment
Too busy touching another mans pigment
Thinking it's love but it's figment...
I'm scared to let somebody in on this
No new friends
Ohh, oh oh
You know how this all goes
Late night sexting on the phone
Independent but hates being alone
A new man every night
The type of behavior that she cannot condone

Hold on,

Girl, Talk to me, talk to me
Those sweet nothings help me listen
Look at her body coming close
Temptation breaks her resistances
Look at her, what is she missing?
She's missing slow morning kisses
Mh
A man who finds her favorite position
Mh
Then goes deep with her permission
Yeah
Hm
Say my name, say my name
Those other women were practice
Hop up on me and take action
Those thighs are fantastic
Kiss my lips with your disaster...
Make my heart beat faster...
Then whisper to me after...
Tell me how you love, love our traction
I mean attraction
Baby, Are we just acting?
Cause this the ****** of your movie
Let it slow play, and just take action
She starts biting and scratching
Breath hesitating as she's gasping
She's screaming and tells me to lunge
I'm moving in sync with the music
She said she's ready to come,
Come all the way back down
Her body was so high and numb
Cause she's addicted to the pleasure
And in love with the fun...

The fun of losing her mind in the ectasy of a moment
Where pretty girls claim that their picky but puts it down to any man with roses
I'm not saying that I'm right
I'm not saying that I'm wrong
I'm just saying you're queen girl
Treat yourself like one
If *** was a weapon it would go right for the heart
It would manipulate the brain
It would be a fatal scare
So, I Know girls love Rihanna
And wanna body like Nicki
I'm just saying make a man earn it
Don't give it up just so quickly
Keep your morals held strong
And your respect held high
Stop messing around with these boys
When your heart needs maturity
And soul needs a good guy.

~love~

(Guilty Reminiscing)

POP
This bottle should do the trick,
Holding my nose tightly as I swim into this.
Thinking of all the moments that created who I am
Wondering if I can finally talk to you through this pen...
These walls are caving me, these chains are straining me
Give me all your love but understand there is no change in me
A leopards spots never change and my mind is so insane
"I Hate you" "I Hate you"
Every past woman looks at me to blame.
Where have I gone? Where do I stay?
Is the inability to be with one woman all part of my dooms day?
To play with a tarnished heart and simply forget a name
To say your "one of a kind" to every girl the same
I'm not a dog but I'm constantly on a short lease
And tell men to practice but never practice what I preach
HYPOCRITE!!
yes. Yes. I'm a hypocrite
But these are internal emotions that I'm dealing with
Cut my heart
Watch it bleed
I beg you girl
Just trust in me
The past is *****
Let's both make it clean
I see so much in you
Do you see anything in me?

(Dozing off)
(Her POV through spiritual thinking)

"She can't take the way I stare at her face and wishes she could understand why the love I show is fake as she stands up to speak but loses her breath and forgets her place, her place inside my heart where it's cold like graveyard stakes. She shakes and shakes as she steps slowly with caution and refuses to give her devotion as she slips into my soul and drowns in her tears of lost emotions. Terrified to repeat what it is lousy men seek...a stranded, lonely heart that savage men so reap. She stares into my eyes and softly starts to speak..."

But Silence.

(Falls asleep)

Baby, I can't hear you...
Come to me...walk to me...sing to me...talk to me!
I believe in you
Have faith in me.
I'll be right here
I'll change my ways
I'll cut off my ego
Release my chains
Watch a love grow
Nurture and care
We've both been hurt
Shall we compare?
My past still speaks
Hear it over my shoulder
All those memories
Promise are over.
Let's ring the bell
See you in a dress
Hand in hand
Chest to chest

I'm sorry.

Please forgive...

Life is nothing
Without you to live
Let's take our time
Watch things go slow
Throw up our affection
Look as it glows
Trickles down
Down to your nose

I'm sorry baby..

(Wakes up)

This was all an illusion
She made up her mind
Here is my conclusion
Be careful with actions
Re-RIGHT your wrongs
Because one day you'll wake up
And it'll all be gone.
I write this to you.
Not a poem nor song
I'm just writing to you
...

Because it's been so long.

Hope you're well.

Mhm
Maybe it's me, who's afraid of commitment
Maybe it's you, who's notion is not to listen
Maybe it's us who seem to rather die than fall in love...

Mhm
Maybe I've lied, in your arms for too long
Maybe you've dived, too deep into my soul
Thought it was us, we who would grow old
And together reinvent love...

But why?
Why don't we try to stay?
Is it easier to just get up and walk away?
We fight but not for the reason of love...
Oh, not for the reason of love

Girl, talk to me..let the words fly like butterflies
My net in hand, I'll catch all your truth and lies
Because that is love
It's a war of words, pain and lies
But we still gotta try

Mhm
Divide our hearts, add them together and watch our bond multiply
Let me give you wings, the power of my affection will make you fly
Please hold my hand, if you let me go I just may die... Ohh baby can't we try...
Said "she's tired of love...@

But why?
Why don't we try to stay?
Is it easier to just get up and walk away?
We fight but not for the reason of love...
Oh, not for the reason of love

Oh no no no not the reason of love
It's cold out side but she's rather not come in, the sun can shine but she rather it rain my sins, the leaves are falling just like us,
So much change but we refuse to fight...

(Piano)
We refuse to fight for...the reason of love.

How many of ya have felt a lesson?
One that left you begging.
Begging for forgiveness
Hopeless and wish less
I've been at the bottom, cold and ******
felt like I had nobody
Had to pick it back up, learn how to jump, over the things that tried to stop me.
Remember passing out one night after sippin on pain
Falling asleep in the mist of her rain
Telling myself "boy, how you gonna make it?"
So many sleepless nights that my eye lids were always tired & complacent
And I'm impatient
No one ever caught a dream sitting and waiting
Held my breath for so long
I feel like fainting

But you gotta believe (yeah)
Your heart the only thing to help you achieve (yeah)
How can change without uncomfortablity? (Yeah)
Who cares what you want if you don't know what you need (yeah)
I've been loving a lieeee
I've been fooled by a woman's eyes
Her kiss gives me the best kinda high
Turned on by her infectious mind...
But she's gone
It's harder to watch em move on
Emotions can leave you drunk...
Their toxins fill up your lungs
Cupid is shooting his karma
All those past women I'm sorry for the past drama
Please can you forgive me?
Don't make me go down on my knees
My family finally accepts me,
As I've changed and killed off a man
A man that was vile and angry
A person I no longer am.
But I don't believe we change,
I think we have better control of our inner monster's reigns.
I still have urges and feel him rip on the chains
I'm afraid of his potential rage!
I've lost another idol... Left looking up to only one man.
Drew a collection of what I expected
But time showed me that true colors always win.
But I'm him...myself. I will become who I am...
Don't need a ******* idol...because I'm my own salvaged man.
(Echoed out)

(Dougie hit em with it)

Regression, depression
I've killed, been aggressive
I've struggle, I've hustled
Learned to relay the message.
Oh dear god show me the revering.
This soul is stirring, sins so reoccurring
My feet can't take the distance of this journey. Need to listen then speak, need to heal the weak. Need to follow my heart, need to plant my seed.
Need to encourage the change, fix a heart so derranged. They say once it's broken it is never the same. Need to learn to forgive, drop the baggage and live. There's a world that I'm missing, held back by my ignorance. I can feel, someone steal, the light to the end of the road... Put the light back on so the good is exposed. Let the fire just roast and the flames spark our past. Because without the spark no motvation would last. Believe in yourself and feel the future arrive! Because you need your passion and love for life in order to stand a chance and survive...
As I rise...
From the newborn ways of which I now chose to follow.. And watch the old me slowly die...
But is this okay for the world?
Why is imagination shrinking?
Our wandering thoughts are captured due to our distorted thinking..."

Let me go, what do you want from me?
Get me out! This is a crime? Cause of my mind!? Because all it is that I want...

--- I just wanna break free ---

I thought it was a mission...
A mission to your heart, your soul... Your ugly mind.
One that confuses and abuses what it is that was honest and genuine love that I carried for years and years only for you to help shed my tears and have them travel down the path in which they have gone before..

Down..

No more, NO!
Let me go. Keep my sweater and let it warm your cold, shiverish spew that you so soldemly spit when you share your venomous words.
You burned me..helped show and discerned me.
You allowed yourself to grab me like a rebound and then drop me...without there being any sound. No smack! No crash...just a silent shatter in which I'm still picking up the pieces of our fallen glasses...healing all the small cuts and closing my eyes in which I still hear your voice, see your whispers..."I love you"
(I laugh) (you lie)
Months and months later...I realized that I over exhausted my efforts in my tries.
I wanted to heal an already broken heart, dismantled mind
You wanted to drink your pain away and waste just a few more hours of our precious time.
Until that one time...no protection
No safety to what was penetrable in the lust of what was mistaken to be love... Transformed into hate. Into a whirlwind of fear. Into a reflection in which you and I stare... And months later... Now see nothing.
I cowered down to my knees and will never let you do that again, will never let you back into my soul...will never consider you a true and real friend.
Since you dissect only the what it is you need... In which it is your empty heart you feed, while your ignorance slowly bleeds...out. Black blood and darkness...an Angels dark kiss
In the mist she awaits...to hunt on yet, another hopeless mind.

Infatuation creates a shadow that makes us blind.

You were different, miss
You were insane, miss
You were an inspiration, miss
You were easy, miss
Simple, miss
You were...love, miss
Or was it hate, miss?
You were trapped freedom, miss
A dark dream, miss
A shallow bliss, miss

But I say goodbye, miss

Because the truth is, miss

You won't be,

*Missed.

I'm becoming a monster
I'm becoming a monster!

Clawed my way out the gutter
My rage is what allows me to conquer!

I'm becoming a monster.

I'm becoming a tyrant
RUN, RUN, RUN

old feelings and brains that are mindless
Love that grew old and moments that were timeless

I'M A MONSTER!

scripted in my own story to **** and defeat
destroy and watch the innocent decease.

I'm...I'm not a monster.

I am a victim

a victim to what every woman I have ever been with...
now perceives me as.

every friend that's ever judge me

every family member that's looked at me strange

deranged... yet, I was just misunderstood

or... am I a monster? I think not

(I transform)

Yet, the blood rushes through my veins
as I think of you in pain...
It's like a sudden high for me
to see your heart gasping for air and your mind trapped in chains
You're so vain. You're so weak!
my lips tingle and hands cringe when you speak.
You were an angel to me 8 months a go...now you're a demon who like the devil, reaps...what is it you seek?
INNOCENTS!
what is it you say... FINISH HIM.
Now you're scared...and you should be...

The tables have turned
I'm the monster now.
I will expose you!
it's your demising moment...I seek.

(transforms back)

I lost it...Control...Hope...Sanity...

Myself and now...

You.

but you were already lost

You were already gone.
My transformation was caused by you.

I'm not a monster...I'm a creation of your twisted dark fantasy,
of your poison.

**Because really...
             The monster...
                                  Is you.

I feel my heart beating slower deep inside of my chest
You can't accept me at my worst you won't be there for my best
Thinking less and less
Yet, I'm falling apart
The girl who I thought I loved blamed me for someone else breaking her heart
My friends get together and forget to mention my name
My mother only remembers the old me and reminds me of all her past pain
Calling on the sun but only getting the rain
Used to be obsessed with money and thought only respect meant fame.
****** I was wrong
I ripped up every old song
This shortness of breath is killing me and my days are becoming too long
"A man shouldn't shed a tear"
But I'm crying while writing this ****t
"Learn to gain control"
But I'm constantly losing my grip.
So much of the devil's toxins in my body that it's making me sick
Thought I changed who I was but the mirror is still showing me a *****
I can't say sorry anymore and I can't keeping apologizing
Feeling all your judgmental stares is beyond agonizing.
Lack of offered help ain't surprising
Thought I could pick up the pieces
Asked God for a lil help and he said "boy, you need Jesus"
Morally I'm a sinner and mentally a beginner
A carnivore stuck in a world of cantaloupe so I starve without dinner
Cause I feast on the flesh of the ignorant and blind souls
The ones that get stuck in their own way and can't do ****t on their own.
Please pick up the phone!
Suicide hotline!
These sharp thoughts are cutting me up and slowly killing my mind!
Running to the darkness but not a space to hide
My heart is begging me to stop feeding it hatred inside
So I..

I... Continue to try

But I still lack a lot of the visual qualities
Integrity, Confidence, Character and being able to fit in with society
Put the bottle down and prepared for a life of sobriety.

(Heart speeds up)

Where is this sudden strength?
Where does it come from?
It's the lowest times of our life's that test you in who you could become
And I wanna become great...nah, I wanna become good.

A good person, a good friend, a good man.
And do everything a good man should.

This a message that says no thing or person should ever break you and shatter you, to the point where you can't fix it.
It's not the dog in the fight, it's the fight in the dog that gets us through and wins it.

but I stopped fighting...I'm taking off now.

to the first flight on cloud 9
Because I'm finally at peace with myself, I found happiness, purity

I found...

Peace of mind.

I'm doing fine.

Don't play with her emotions,
Don't tell her it's all in devotion.
Gave her all to someone
Only to lose out on something
What is she becoming?
Girl, girl, girl...
Don't let him change you.
Abuse and derrange you.
Has someone told you "you're beautiful?"
Has someone held you this way?
Best part of the night is when you decide to stay...lay with me.
Kiss me slow
I promise to always, let you know that...
It's easy to pretend..
Harder to allow your heart to be sent.
Cause it's over worked from the past time it spent
Waiting on something,
Wishing on nothing.
Sorry, girl. I'm just making these assumptions.
Cause your smile is perfect but I can see pain
And your eyes shine bright but the forecast before only predicted rain.
And your mind seems clear but at times I can see the clouds...
So much change that she just wants to experience something that will stay around.
Oh oh yeah,
I promise to stay around.
Can you just let me in, oh
Let me hear the sound...
Of your heartbeat for me
As we motion like the sea
I need to complete me.
I promise I promise
Oh baby
Yeah,
I promise I promise
I promise I promise
He was cruel and dishonest
The only time I'll lie is if it's in the bed right next to you.
The only surprises you'll get is all your dreams slowly coming true
Oh oh
I just wanna give it all to you.
Oh oh
Can you please let me show you.
As we sit with the birds,
You're kissing me slow,
Let me slowly increase your life
Let's let the past thing all go.

Hmm

Baby, I just want you to know.

Give me some time and let it show.

She lost her mind, only to find her heart.
She isn't crazy, she's just different.
She's no longer blind, now she sees everything that's in front of her.
She knows where she's going.
A man once deemed her "weak", only to not realize how powerful she really was.
How unstoppable she's become...how invincible she will be.
Strong enough to pick up the broken pieces, smart enough to know what she deserves and crazy enough to take on the world...with or without anyone by her side.

It's been 26 years and I'm finally letting out these held back tears
Of confessing to my family and friends of all my hidden fears
Another beer..a lack of drive cause I'm too drunk to ******* steer...the end feels near but I wanna be better than what ya see...who I appear
100 friends yet, they never call and call only when it's a need
I ******* bleed to please all of what ya need! But is it me? Of course it's me... I'm a monster who can't control his emotions that's why my 5 yr love decided to flea. Do I care? Will they always be there? Why do I repeat this *******...is life truly fair?
Fake success...maybe dress to impress...care a lil less and show your ignorant heart with your hollow chest! You can't impress people who already saw you at your best.
You're a poet, hell of a writer with the ambition to change the world! Yet your dark heart has made it impossible for you to remain with any girl...your mind twirls...your soul spins...gain a loss, forget a win...maybe it's time for you to finally look at yourself from within. Where have you been? Have you ever been honest? You can't escape this quick sand! TELL EM YOUR TRUTH! "Hi, my name is Bland" TELL EM YOUR WEAKNESS! I look in the mirror and it's ME i can't stand! "TELL EM MORE! AND DONT LIE!"...I tried and and continue deny. I'm a selfish individual who can't see things for what's right, so I pray selfishly to have "God" listen only to make everyone I ever spoken to a victim of my mission to do whatever the **** I want without permission...(I can't do this anymore!) FINISH! Okay! I'm not okay...I draw picture in my head, of a bed...of dirt and roses that say my name where I lay cause I have more issues than CNN and never know when the right time is to vent, cause I'm a self centered person who could honestly careless...and if it was your life I would probably Payless for me to no longer feel stress and sell you for me to come out best and invest in money power and false respect...I'd sell your soul for myself...I need help ******, .IM SORRY! Please make me stop... NO! YOU HAVE A LIL MORE TO SAY...okay! One day I woke up and told myself I may have nothing left to say and I can't stand the way how most people speak to me and the stupid **** they say so I pretend to listen and care but really I stare and am no longer there and I treat people like **** and use anger as a protectant so that no one can get close...my temper...please they won't dare...but I'm a little boy inside who is terrified and sacred and have no idea how to sleep peacefully because I'm addicted to the nightmares and I sit next to family in an attempt to fit in meanwhile look at my ******* skin...bottom line is, I'm nothing like these people from texture to within...I love to sin and I haven't meditated more than 15 minutes...I just say this **** so ya leave me alone and pretend to think I'm a good person and did it. Now I'm alone and possible insane! TELL EM BLAND! Idk what's wrong with my brain...I can't escape my mental cage...I feed off the world's rage and hate people who change. But I will change! Give me a chance, devil! Let me try to grow? You know what's best for me or you're a master of this manipulation? How do you know? Just let me feel something and be better than what itvm is...my past...let me seek the potential of being better than my dad. I'm not afraid! STF... NO! I'm not done talking, walking and following what it is I'm finally becoming! No longer running! As the alarm goes off and tells me to wake up and make up for my past and grow and feel the sun to warm my "cold heart" and see life for all its beauty, love in the air...seeing how a good thing last. I'm not afraid of your spew and all you do! And you trying to take your pitch fork and stick me of all the evil that resides in you! And yet, I will be something more of what I never knew id ever be! WHO THE ******* THINK YOU TALKING T... nobody, for once I'm talking to me Speaking to you as I continue and find what it is I can finally reach! Honesty, family, friends, love and myself...with everything else I always wanted to be! as I finally open my eyes and see...me.
I've kept a lot this a secret and had no idea it would finally come out for me to share...
No ones perfect...I just hope this doesn't change your perception of me...I truly changed...please...I need ya there.

I use to think I understood life.
It's easy right?
Get a job...aspire to make a lot of money! Forget the past and race toward your future!
Jump over road blocks, avoid danger and make it home safely.
Fall in love! Marry the person of your dreams and live happily ever after.
Accept kisses from the stars, ignore the burning of disaster.*
So easy...yet, not one of us can say it's something we mastered.
A figment of ones imagination to attempt the impossible!
To run without falling, to walk before crawling.
You can't skip steps, you can't avoid mishap.
You know no road has ever been straight
No person has always been great.
Flaws, detail our persona and mistakes create our aura.
We can't plan for what we don't know and can't change what has already happened.
Sometimes the way to your perfect healing is that nervous feeling of uncertainty that has us anxiously laughing.
Live through your dreams but never measure the clouds
Even the smallest accomplishments should be awarded, something to be proud.
Cause things just stop and friends sometimes leave
You're probably going to fail 1 millions times...before that 1 time you finally achieve.
So many people falling in and out of love...
One minute this person was your all,
Next thing...you feel nothing...you've become numb.
So we run...run fast from sadness and heartache..
"I do" for ever and always, "we'll never break." The real question should've of been..."if you truly love me...how much of it could you tolerate?"
Why do we leave...Why'd they find someone else?
Before you try to love someone...start with loving the most important thing...that's (yourself).

So many wild dreams! If you dream it you can have it!...No way we can be tamed! Yet, things sometimes get caught up...suddenly your dreams are stuck in a cage...
You can escape. No one said you had to be stuck...
Life to me is 90 percent smart hard work...10 percent dumb luck.
But that's just me...I'm insane. I see things with and open mind and closed eye.
I feel we can learn from the blind...they're the ones that can honestly see.
A distorted, ignorant world that we all ironically can "see".

Is it still "wealth" before "health"

Drop your pride...go ahead, ask for help.
One person can change the world, but first make sure you imply that change in yourself.
Life is a bed of roses...we take the thorns and we make do...
Life isn't a schedule...life isn't a plan...it's a feeling, it's a moment, it's...it's you.
So follow your heart, believe good comes out of your hardest situations.
Logic can take you from A-B...but you can go anywhere with imagination.
So my question is...do we understand life?
Nah, not at all...
It's the mystery of "what will happen next?"
It's our ability to learn as we go, and get up when we fall.

Never stop. Enjoy what have.


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