At times I wake up
Thinking why the hell did god let me see another day?
I barely pray
Barely say “dear lord thank you, for blessing me”
Guess I have a purpose
28 years layin down feeling so worthless
I lashed out at everyone because inside I was hurtin
Feelin so deserted - needing a story
Wondering every **** day
When I die...what was my story?
Was I gift? Sent here to help spread change?
Was I a monster? Sent here to help spread pain.
Maybe I was a non factor and just fell back
Maybe I touched a few hearts...while sadly remaining detached
I don’t kno what it is nor can I ****** give anymore effort
This world is tough and everyday we all tryna to gain new leverage
I stop to see
What it was that was always in front of me
The open sea.
With endless possibilities
I see my siblings and watch them go out and fulfill their dreams
I see my friends - growing up and accomplishing all they were meant to be
I see my mother - who pushes on when life gets heavy
I see my soul - who is uncertain yet, claims to remain ready.
But that’s life - it’ll always remain unsteady
It’ll gas you up - lie to you and even act semi petty
80 percent is how you react while 20 percent is what you let in
I’ve let it all come into me - some would call me reactivate
Not many people enjoy you - this trait is not attractive
Yet I’m combative - for I am, the way I am and that’s that kid.
I’ve changed so much that I could’ve gotten into fashion
I feel I need a cause for the reason that I am who I am and I’m so tired of askin
God and I just don’t see eye to eye and he no longer understand why I need to cry
When I work out with my demons- thinking that I got stronger
Is it excuse that I wanna die young? Or can I not take it any longer?
Idk, don’t ask such personal questions until you walk a mile in they shoes
Don’t count your wins before your blessing or your destined to lose
Don’t say a rich man means having green in the money holdin machine...
To me success comes from the genuine love within a human being
Or does it.
I’m just tryna stay balanced on this uneven scale
Will I prevail or will I fail?
The clique so you chose the path you’d like to trail
You make the decisions that benefit
Even if they barely fit
Some sweat writing this ****
I’m nervous I’m losing hold and can’t get a grip
While sayin metaphors out these lips
Imma end this small poem here
Just tryna say don’t waste time on what don’t matter
You never know if you’ll see another year
Text someone you love - thank a stranger for holdin the door - tell the broken winged child they can fly and allow your heart to finally soar
Make peace with your demons - try your best to chase your dreams - to make change isn’t always visible - but the act of kindness & love will never remain unseen.
Coming back with some new flows and words - please show love nd let me know
Whispers through the nighttime
Voices always keeping me up
Telling me I need to give up...
I’ve been in the backseat...to my own life
Trying to steer - and take control...but I don’t always know how to.
Is that alright?
For sadness is in our cup
And we tend to sip it slowly
What’s life worth...if everyone’s around but you feel so lonely?
No tears for the sorrow,
when we aren’t promised tomorrow
So why self indulge on our pity?
Attempting to heal our wild minds in this painful, structured city.
Searching for riches - to numb those who are morally poor
Standing up for those who are/were down, including myself...because I’ve been there and quiet frankly... I don’t wanna be sad, I don’t wanna be sad, I don’t wanna be sad anymore.
Ive thought long and hard about how I wanted this to be spoken
Hard to feel you can complete a heart that’s already been broken
But I’m young, dumb and hopeless
That’s why my romance has a chance
I’d take you back to prom days and ask you for one dance
Relive ya memories and make them with me
But understand you go through those obstacles to finally make it to me
I’d take those long drinking nights, with the blues melodies and do it all over
I’d take on the whole world and cry myself to sleep if it meant I’d get the nights that you come over
I over react - I over think
My mind works like a workshop that never closes
But that all changed the day I saw your smile and addressed your beauty with red roses
You are my purpose, you make it all worth it
I’ve spent my whole life looking for you
I’m so glad to be done searching
You’re the morning coffee that starts my day
The perfect song to make the sorrows fade away
The feeling you get when you’re surprised and forever endure that love
The most gorgeous soul I’ve ever seen
My Gabrielle,my bubs
Imma show you a life you never ever imagined
And fly with you anywhere
Just you and I...let’s leave behind all the baggage
It’s our world - you’re my girl
Let me be the one to wipe away all your tears
Fight away all your fears...
Walk with you through life
Holding hands for years and years
When your heart is tired let me be the one to love you
Promise to be your armor and protect all the pain that comes for you
I’ve found a love that only those wish upon
Guess my shooting star granted
Cupid took some shots at my intuition and that arrow perfectly landed
Moral of the story is I went through life ripped, damaged goods and constantly having to restart
“You complete me” no Jerry McGuire
I’m just so grateful to finally have found...
My whole heart.
Wrote this for my girlfriend-l
It’s been a while but wanted to write to you on better terms
Last time we spoke my life was taking a hard turn
Grew up a lot, learned sometimes its best to just let it burn
Nourish those who need the good in me their souls are starving ferns
I keep your memories because a good feeling is for good healing
Raise my hands up only to no longer just feel the ceiling
My vision changed and simplicity is way more appealing
Don’t need jump on people’s throats, take a breath and think about your core feeling.
I’ve made peace with your son - look what I’ve become
I face the things that challenge me, no longer look to turn around and run
Life has its ups and downs but you’ve seen me through my struggles
Trying to lead my team but can’t always remember the plays in the huddle
My imperfections have sorta been corrected
Still need to be burn by the fire in order to learn my lesson
I found a new love, which is beyond a blessing
But I don’t feel I deserve it and that’s my own misconception
Gave up on being aggressive and showing off for the attention
I thank you everyday for your strength by the way...
That’s just something I needed to mention
You taught me I’m a product of what I go through
And even if they wrong don’t hurt them back just to help you
I gave up the drugs to numb my pain
I look up now but for the clear skies and not the rain
I don’t think I need to pull the trigger to help defuse my explosive brain
For the first time in my life I actually feel sane
The family good and seem more connected than ever
Feel we follow you and grannies policy of always keeping the family together
I’ve learned that I don’t need to escape nor think I don’t belong
Come around a bit more because my family needs me so we can collectively be strong
My past still haunts me and the demons remain strong
I’m working on letting that all go though and not trying to hold on.
That dark thought will sneak in and at times I’ll still ask for death
But I’m learning my purpose now and cherishing every single breath.
You’re the greatest man I’ve ever known and I miss you being around
The only man in my life I can truly say who’s never let me down
I thank you for your guidance
Protecting me from my internal violence
Learning to listen a bit more
You get the most out of others through your inner silence
That little boy opens his eyes now and is no longer hiding.
Finally appreciating my life, which is way more exciting.
Inspiration has come back, that’s why I got the chance to write you this song
Feels good to let go of everything I’ve done wrong.
You taught me to remember when I get set backs
Been through the worst times to get the best back
Wish sometimes I could go back in time and give the low me a jet pack.
You was right about it all, Im finally learning for myself
I hope this is someway a thank you for all your spiritual help.
Promise to keep spreading your word and only improving myself
Hope the angels take care of you until I see you myself.
Letter to my opa few years later I hope you’re proud of me.
False claims, you said you loved me - my bed wasn’t the only place you lied. It’s funny when someone says “they’d never hurt you” - but watch you...as the blood rushes to your eyes.
Writer’s block slowly going away - feel like me again...or do I?
I know this should be easy
How come it’s been hard to let go?
So much stronger...
Why is my mind weak though?
Time has passed by
I won’t dare cry
My chest has been burning ever since you left
My heart’s replaced with the fire
My minds open but stuck in desire
Waited so long... hoping things would change
Was this always hopeless? Was my hope insane?
They say good love could take you to unforgettable limits
Please hear me and accept my forgiveness
Never saw you, as you walked by
Things were broken, It took time to realize
You don’t know, no you don’t know the nights I lay here
I smile for everyone - I don’t want them to see my sadness - dear
It hurts to admit this
But I have to ask...
Why didn’t you want to stay?
Actually, please don’t answer that...
No more questions.
no more saying your name
I can’t take anymore of your pain
Days have fallen
I have risen
Fully functional - but feels somethings missing
Replaceable - so easy to start over...
We both know that’s not true
But needed the closure.
You reached a limit
I wasn’t enough!
It’s like a fire - replaced all of our love.
What is real love?
Is it Cupid?
Is it the madness - two minds that are so foolish?
This time is different
Just freedom - let go of repentance.
Not a day goes by that I wonder
What would’ve happened if we made it this summer...
Never fun losing a best friend
Even worst if their your lover
I won’t say another word
Time is of the essence
But I can no longer lie...I don’t understand why I still feel your presence
I have the memories - hope you still do too
Hope you’re smiling and finding all of you
As we move on - finding new life and devotion
I have to say this - without using too much emotion
Thank you for everything
Even for the love
I hope I helped you - hope I was enough
Hope we never forget this
No matter if it was right or wrong
These words are burning...
The ashes are all that are left of this song.
Maybe one day we can make peace
"You don't just walk away when it gets tough babe! You work it out together when it comes to relationships and lov...tha...peerrrsonnn..." (her voice)
But I guess I was just dreaming
You see I wrote this first part weeks before the news
Because it was you - I still believed in
Regardless of the paid respects
You can't buy someone's love for any less
Can't clean up the previous mess
I was the problem when I had you at ya best!
I hate the way you would avoid a text
The truth was between the lines
But the lies were all that were left
Thought I was drowning in your eyes but really it was just time for me to reflect
Ended things calmly but feel like I was just in a vortex
Can't be afraid of goodbyes when hellos seem to be the hardest
Truth is I wish I deserved it
Asking all the time to see her only to get curved in
Silent treatment to someone who only tried to treat ya
Knowing her life was getting tough and I was trying to keep ya.
Tell me who was trying to push away who?
Maybe March 17th was the last time I really met you.
And I don't believe that the last time we spoke that was really you
Sometimes **** just gets hard and you gotta get thru.
(And I know you'll make it)
Can't give into love's strain and conviction
I hate that I love you...without the realization of my false contradictions.
Given up on me - yet, add another to the list
My mind boggles these days but not in the thought of you - but when things with us took a sudden switch
Crazy to think you give someone everything you got to just be forgotten
The way you handled those last few weeks were foul girl - spoiled rotten.
Why comeback only to leave?
To showcase who you "truly" are but only for yourself to see?
To reach out to someone who just can't be reached
This seems to be a pattern of one's personality
I don't need clarity.
The pen is loaded - the target is set
Why can't I pull the trigger!?
You quit on us and deserve the shots!
Why am I trying to be bigger!?
Cause I've learned a lot
Took some deep breaths
saw what was hurting me temporarily instead of making me feel blessed
This isn't shade
This is honesty and telling the truth of ones false reality
A lot of stars in the sky but figured you and I were the brightest in the galaxy
This letter to you is for you to see what you can do to someone when you make decisions based off emotions
Stop pulling the next person with you just because you can't swim in your own painful ocean
Let go of that anger
You're too pretty to frown
Let go of her legacy too - you won't make the same mistakes when you finally fall in love and pick out a gown.
Disappointment - for sure but you live and you learn
Need to stop holding on to the firey moments
Maybe that's why it's so hard to let these memories burn.
Lessons were taught and two people found growth within each other
Let's not pretend like we are rooting for us to simply find another.
Our bond was special
But the timing was off
We'll never know what could've been
And sadly that's our loss
I only want the best for you
And that's on my heart
I'd be lying if I said I saw the day wed truly fall apart
At times I wonder - when it all unfolded that day,
did I say all that I needed?
why didn't I beg you to stay?
Cause you loved the old me and I'm a different person these days.
Still hard to look at the woman you loved
And tell yourself it's time to walk away.
You wipe ya face quickly - put up a smile...and just go....(eachos out)
But doug wait...
Hol up let me quickly say my final word
If this piece ever reaches you i need this part to be heard
I love you to death and would re up with you in a second
If you were mad after reading this you didn't decipher the love from pain in this message
I pray for you all the time, hope you get all the good you deserve and tell god to keep you safe from any harm or danger
But I gotta leave ya on this final note
"If only we could go back again...and become strangers."
Thank you (echoes out)
One of the toughest pieces I've ever written. no hatred nor anger - disappointment for sure but this is art and I speak better over a pen. Love is love - be thankful for the moments and people in your life to your journey. Love and respect
But I still remain sad on what could've been. Love you always. Thank you