Apples.












-my brother

ɪ ғᴇʟᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴄᴀᴘs
ʙᴜᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴄᴀᴘs ɪs ᴊᴜsᴛ sʜᴏᴜᴛɪɴɢ.
ɪ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ.

I thrive upon it,
And yet, it thrives upon me;
Grey muddle of life.

(And Reasons Why I Have It Pretty Good)*


2. Starving people in Africa who have nothing that even resembles a stable govermnent to keep them safe and fed and alive. 

3. Couples going through divorce or recovering from divorce, and their poor children. =\

4. Drug addicts living on the streets without a family or a hope. 

5. Women and children caught up in human trafficking and slavery who have no one to save them. 

6. Would-be-mothers who cannot have children. This is heartbreaking for many women. 

7. Children abused by their own parents who then have to go through foster care and withstand the constant reminder that they do not have parents that love and care for them. 

8. People who have no hope and who believe a bottle of pills is the only way to take away their pain. Life is never a curse, and it is not one's responsibility to take when it becomes unbearable. 

9. Fathers who can't find a job in our economy and who feel like a failure because they can't support their family's needs. 

10. People who sit in a church and believe they are being good enough to go to heaven, when they've never heard the true gospel spoken to them before. 




1. And most importantly...the great number of individuals who have not heard and those who have rejected the Good News of Jesus Christ. It's nothing that I have done that makes me any different than them, but only the grace of God that I took hold of. I won't stand by while my fellow man lives on less than I do every day. I am blessed with food, a better government than many in this world, and parents who love each other and the Lord. I have a life of hope that sustains me better than drugs, a life worth living, and the financial support that only God could supply. And I have a church that preaches the gospel each Sunday and reminds me of how much I need Him. 

Lord, never let me forget Your many blessings. Self-pity, worry, and depression keep me from my true potential as Your daughter and servant. Show me how to share my blessings with others, so that I can spread Your Word to everyone I meet.
Amen.

It's 10 PM and I can't fall asleep
Try as hard as I may
It's frustrating and I wonder why I
Can't have this energy in the day.

Okay
fine
I'll
do
a
10-
double
U
poem.
Happy?

Mwuahahaha, this is a ten-word
And there's four left.

THOUGHTS
Leave me alone,
I'm sick of your venom
You seek to steal, ****, destroy
Why haven't you killed me yet?

WALLS
Be silent, don't speak
I know the words you'd have
Never let me listen to your spite
You would have me tremble at your threat

DARKNESS
You took ahold of me
And you were far too strong
I am stepping out of fear tonight
I haven't since you and I first met.

MEMORY
Stop reminding me
Of the things I had forgotten
I know I was such a bad person
But to change, I really need to forget!

PAIN
Stop pulling me
You're stifling my voice
If you only would loosen your grip
You would see that I am just dead set.

SHAME
You take hold of me!
You drag me where I go!
You control my actions, my words
I am slave to you, drowned in sick debt

EYES
You see the world
Creating my habitat
You connect visions and secrets
But then, you lie just as often as me.

DREAMS
You captivate me
Taking me somewhere else
I believe your twisted reality, then
My world awakens, I—disoriented—flee.

LOGIC
Oh, you bound me
Locked me within your walls
I fear there is no escape from here
But I was always a slave to conformity.

TRUTH
Come on, shine!
Blind their eyes, even mine!
Glow and rip the bonds from me
I am searching, seeking, just set me free.

SKY
Open...move the clouds
Give me that heavenly chorus
Look for me in the city on the hill
I'll be the one with no more suffering.

Write a random saying
And then label it as whatever number of words it happens to have.

One more follower
Than all the teachers and kids
At my school. Blimey.

One-hundred fifty
Is a reasonable count
Of haikus, I guess.

There are so many
One hundred & ninety nine
How could I read them?

I awoke at 1 AM
And had no reason why.
Perhaps my dreams were torn from me
And with them my sleep so shy.

Maybe my mind could sense that I
Had gotten three emails so far
And maybe I wanted to see if one
Would make or break my heart.

It wasn't there. But it could arrive
If I stayed awake but ten more minutes;
I read the ones that I had received
But felt no spark of interest.

I wondered again why I'd woken late
In the bowels of the night;
Maybe somewhere in this world
Someone special gained their sight.

Yesterday someone's ears were ringing
And their friend said, You know what that means—
Someone's talking about you, girl
And I wonder if this is the same.

If I'm awake because someone's dreaming,
And I'm awake in their dream,
I know it's not the one I dreamed of
Unless in school he's fallen asleep.

Maybe the planet was calling out
And only I could hear them;
Maybe the world begins to turn
One notch faster at 1 AM.

Fire licked at my soul
Burning a hole in the night
Like a phoenix death.

They think I suffer
From but one affliction;
But I enjoy it.

It's 2:30, sir
And I cannot fall asleep
Why can't I? Tell me.

The sun was in haze
Smoke or dust shrouded mountains
I felt stranded here.

You say, "30 days, 30 poems"
And I go, "But...what about
30 days, 250 poems?"

Sometimes people say
That I have yellow hair—um...
Sorry. It's called blonde.

I sank deep in grass
Flowers around me swaying
The world was turning.

I found out just now
One fourth of my poems here
Are all haikus. Cool.

A sound that gives hope
It's more than you think at first
Spera de caelum.

When I first met you
You were always in purple
With the slightest blue.

Hidden to all eyes,
You searched only to be seen
And to be noticed.

Day was bright and still
But they felt him in shadows;
Feasting upon souls.

He despaired of it,
That the only innocence
Lay in the stillborn.

Scary sometimes
How people know more than they say
And you never know who's watching.

There is sky beyond the clouds
Day will come when night
    is over and gone.

Sun is shining on the earth
Even when it seems
    to leave me alone.

Give a man a break
And he'll take a mile
Give a man two breaks
And he'll go the extra mile.

You sometimes don't know
Just what you feel for someone
Until they're not there.

Day 33, a review:

Without it, I sit,
And if I'm bored, then I sleep.
With it, I am up:
I look with wide open eyes,
Eyes that see the world
And all I could be doing.
I step with purpose,
Standing tall and confident.
I wake, take the pill,
Eat my food, drink my coffee,
And drive off to work
With an automatic smile,
And I sing along
To the songs I know by heart.
Without it, I sit,
And if I must stand, I lean;
Dragging tired feet,
Holding a troubled tummy,
And wishing I'd wake.
In the end, on these days off,
I find energy:
I discover the reserves
Of serotonin,
Dopamine and endorphins
That my body saved,
Keeping stored for "the future."
My brain slowly learns,
And the fuel to keep going
Isn't out of reach.
So on these days off,
I won't despair or decay.
I used to collapse,
Before I knew my full strength
And what it felt like
To set my mind and finish.
So help me today,
God, let this Adderall work
To give energy
And to strengthen my body
For this scary four-mile hike.  

~didn't get my refill before leaving for vacation~

I don't do drugs
I don't hate on those who do
I just sincerely believe
That I would be happier without an addiction new.

You ask what I am afraid of
But the truth is, that's just it
I'm afraid to tell you my secrets
And that, I am afraid to admit.

A fairy poked my little nose
And gave me a sense of adventure
And now every time that I'm held back
I wonder what that scent was meant for.

I'm afraid of you
Because I shouldn't, and then
Because you want me to.

All the music runs together
When you listen to an album all at once
It's hard to tell where one song ends
And another begins the trance.

You always give truth
All my days I will listen
Your words give me life.

Walking through imaginary woods
I tripped over a root strangely square
Fell and hit my head on a log
And radically, I'm still there.

Miah is the girl I was:
And in a way I envy her.
She only felt artificial pain
That the character creator gave her.

Ben is the one who was my friend,
But who showed his true colors later
When I needed him most, he left me alone
As a character, he was barely even hated.

Connor, well, his story's not told
While I'm still reeling from his counterpart's words
I plan to write it soon, and then
I will spare her no allegorical hurt.

Tell the tale to thousands,
Ignite independence inside;
Fly for freedom, fraternity
And all America!

That's life

Up
All
Night

Wasting away inside

Deep
Deep
Sigh

Wanting to run and hide

Worlds
Collide

As far as I can find

They
All
Lied

At least I even tried

But nothing seems right

'Cause I'm

Up
All
Night.

Before the dust fell
Under the pastry white moon
You were always weird.

There’s not much left to write about
Happiness and sadness are gone
Instead, I’ve traversed the subjects
And they all left me fighting a scream.

Anxiety’s clutched at my heartstrings
Dampening, muting their song
But now I’m going to break free
And dive into life headlong.

I’ll play videogames and write some poems
And do all the things that I miss
For while once this was time-wasting, never
Shall I waste a day anxious for this.

I guess anxiety’s got its perks, but
The one thing it gets me to do
Is work ‘till I have no more work, but
I had nothing to do at all, so I’m blue.

Something about her
Shines without even trying
And everyone sees.

I am not talking
To you, because you just don't
Know me anymore.

i long for the day
when i actually have to tell someone, "go away"
i yearn to say
"leave me alone" but they stay with me anyway

I don't even know
What I should say anymore.
I'll leave you alone.
It's what you want anyway.
But it makes me sad...Sorry.