The hanging lights
he decorated
in my room
blurred
my sight

Will I be able to look into a pair of dark eyes
without imagining how nice it would feel
if those were yours?
Will I be able to laugh my heart out
without having the urge to tell you
the stupid joke I just heard?
Will I be able to be completely happy
*without you at all?

I’ve been waiting
for ever
for someone
to get you drunk

So I could read
the words on
a screen that I
really needed to
hear from your mouth

The night I knew
you got the alcohol
choked down your throat
I waited up for
these texts from you:

I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I miss seeing you everyday.
I miss waking up next to you.
I can’t stand the idea of being away from you.
I wish I stayed.

But all you will say
the next time you see me
—if you ever want to see me is
“I hope my texts didn’t wake you up”

They didn’t.

I know how blinding the beauty of flickering lights
And the peace of the forest could give
But if you’re willing to turn your head and slow your pace
Just for a brief moment, you will find me waiting
Amidst the benches in the crowded park
Longing for you to sit and rest your head on my shoulder
*For always

I planted roses around the walls
And locked the door with too many keys
After he shut my world off
Then you softly knock on my door
Though the thorns cut your palm
But instead of forcing your way in
You built windows on the walls for me to see

That the world still has not lost its beauty
*Just because he left me

The only button I’d love to push now is fast forward to the time when your name won't cut my throat like swallowing broken glasses

She is spelling
His name
Like an excuse
And painting
His soul
Like cracked
Eggshells

Love is the consequence of you

I thought sleeping
Is the only passage
To the world
Without your existence
But here you are
Inside my dream
Hugging me tight
Giving another shot
To change me and you
Into us
And I pray
Not to see the daylight
Until reality forces me
To live my nightmare
All over again

Hello Mr. Moon
Ah, you're out of my reach
Yet I'm glad to know
That you're burning up
Above me, watching me
Tho the clouds sometimes
Overshine your light
But will you kiss me
A secret about
How to stop
Counting teardrops
When you're high?

He ran
Stopped
Aimed
And shot
Right through the net

Or

Was that my heart?

"There are a lot of crazy-******-up-mind-blowing-things going on between now and eventually"

Any other man can never stand up next to you without stumbling down

One look into my eyes
And flowers grow inside my head
One friction from your skin
And nothing else feels so true
One kiss to my cheek
And all my demons vanished into sand

I’m afraid of height
But you lifted me up
Until my fears disappear
I guess you’ve placed me
So high—too high
That my brain
Is unable to digest
How high it was
Nor ever process
How painful it will be
When you finally
Letting me go

Hey, let's play pretend
I'll be the sky
And you'll be the light
You can shine at day
Or mourn at night
But know that I'm here
Giving sunrises and
Painting sunsets
Glittering stars and
Lightning up the moon
For you
Always

Your chat room

Be my guest and tell me
How am I suppose to
Forget the sweet taste
Of sugar by eating
Chocolate?

And after we fell,
Still you point us
As another mistake

Right now I wish
I could bite my tongue
Until it snaps out
Just so I stop
Combining your name
And love in one sentence

Oh, love
I am learning to understand
The words your heart is speaking
But you keep on letting me
Crawl above the melting ice
Where the monsters below
Are ready to eat me alive
If I ever took a wrong step

The tip of your lips curled up
Everytime you form a smile
And I'd love to lean on
My blushing cheek
Or smudge my lipstick
I'm wearing tonight
On to them

So she found a smile
In the ruin of her broken heart
As it turned out
He puzzled up her pieces
And made her
Herself
In the most delicate way
No one could ever does

He nurtured
The flowers
With proper love
It could grow
On its own
After he left

When I placed my palm
Atop your TIRED HEART
I recognize the fear
Of my flame that might
Melt you away
IT IS NOT SAID, I ALWAYS KNOW
And when you walked out that door
I whispered,
*I AM HERE TO STAY

Sometimes a girl
Just cannot help
But to enter
A difficult maze
And got lost inside
Sometimes a maze
Is ******* brilliant
And caused certain
Addiction to death
Sometimes a girl
Is me
And sometimes
A difficult maze
*Is you

The broken pieces of my heart make his a whole

I am letting him go
I will be able to find someone better
I never meant anything to him
I won't come back to him
He never loved me anyway
He doesn't care for me
He doesn't want me
*He doesn't know what he's doing

It's June
But somehow it's still raining
And you
You knew I dwell in the rain
How I love the cold of being wet
But still
You cover me up with sweater
And hold your umbrella for me
As if you'd take the fall
If I ever run into the rain, *again

I thank God
For leading your footsteps
Crossing mine
For every road He chose
Guiding you to me
For making such beautiful
Combination of a human
For the family
That raised you
For your wishes
That came true
For your pains
That lessened you
And
For letting you reach
Your 26th years
Happy birthday, Fj
For everyday
And every pray
For you, always

She chanted prayers
With her knees bended
She walked between the twin trees
With her eyes closed
She threw a penny into the well
With her palm opened
She waited for the falling star
With hand over her heart

*For him

The problem is
He continues to write
His love to the world
With grey shades
And let me read
A piece of his
Finished writing
—His love for me
In red blood ink
That turned into toxin
For my sight
And I keep reading
What he wrote
Until I bawl
Even when I knew
The story has ended

If I can make promises
I can promise you two things
I promise I won't chase you
Or ask you to change your mind
But I also promise
If you ever wake up missing me
If your heart longs for me
If you stare into my eyes
And say that you love me
I promise I will love you
Just the same

I've been fighting with my heart
Woah you have no idea
How upset it is to me
When I said,
'You shall stop loving him'
It replies,
'Hellooww how could I?'
Then it keeps whining like,
'*****, you better call him now
Or Imma keep producing
Tears and damaging your brain
With memories of him'
But it doesn't understand that
If I do it, you'll be hurting too

Sweetie, hey,
Look at your reflection in the mirror
Not your pool of tears

See? you're young and beautiful
Not to mention that gorgeous smile

Yes, I know it hurts
When he chose to forget you
As you promised to remember him

But, Darling, you knew
You always knew
He never gives you his heart

Now, stop being so ******* yourself
Realize that it's neither your fault
Cause heart loves whom it chooses

Yes, you both didn't work out
Or at least that's what he said
But it doesn't mean love wasn't there
In that blink of a time
Love was there

I understand that you want him, only him
But you also need to use your mind
If he crossed your road
Someone else will do too
Eventhough this new guy will have his smile
Or his crooked teeth and sinking cheeks
But he will be able to fall as hard as you will

Baby, forgive yourself
Make peace with fate
Recall the fact that he refused to be the sun
For your white roses
Therefore you should make your own light
And decorate your garden with grace

I promise the right guy is waiting
He might be stuck on some tree right now
But he's around

It's a long tunnel indeed
But it all will be worth every dime

XO,
Amalia

Alas, my eyes won't compromise
They keep shutting out the light
And looking like two heavy bubbles
Even my heart is pumping slowly
Like it has beaten up
When you said 'I'm not ready'
Lol. Ready
I've been repeating that word
Until it sounds more like regret
Then again, I'm just a sea shore
Where you can test my water
While you're a deadfall
Where I helplessly dragged in

I have a consuming flame
Inside me that keeps on
Burning things that cannot burn
And I have a thing about
Standing on the edge of a cliff
And shout at the storm
Until I slipped and fell
Stupid?
It could be my middle name
At least I tried
To melt your walls
And have faith
On the thread of
False hopes you spun

They said somethings
Are better off unspoken
Maybe that's why
He didn't tell me
That it will rain in April
And now my hair is soaked
In April's rain
While he smiles,
Holding an umbrella
For himself

My first love, May
Gave me the first kiss
My bittersweet love, June
Gave me the time
My quicksand love, August
Gave me the knowledge
And my only love, April
Oh, my dearest number four
For him, I'd give away my soul
Without him giving me
Anything at all

As much as I know
That he loves me
Yet his silence is colder
Than an iceberg can be
And sometimes
Silence is
A horrible ferocity

Take a long look at the mirror
And you'll stare into my shadow
You and me and I, you
Shall your fears be my sorrow

Still you choose to have a long blink
Had you known it will put me asleep
And you deeply scratch your face
Just to give me a permanent timeout
For the scar I barely made

Maybe I have to learn
From the falling leaf
And its fading color
As it laughs along
The blowing wind
Despite the fact that
It soon will dies
Just so the tree
Is able to grow
Even greener

You introduced sorrow
And loneliness
And turned them
Into my playmates

You brought comfort
In every sadness
More than I can
Find in happiness

You made me fall
Terribly in love
With tears
Above love itself

But you always knew
He never gives you
His heart

And so
She finds
Beauty
In the sins
She keeps
Beneath
Her sleeves

2 years
Yet the thorn kept me bleeding
The storm screaming still
The hollow remains

I speak,
I laugh,

But I'm empty

Can't you see?
I am not me
I'm just an illusion
Of who you want me to be
A lovely girlfriend
A bestfriend
A girl who's drunk
In her roles

And talking to a tomb
Is keeping me sober
Cause who's in the ground
Is an angel
Called
*My mother

I sense you so close
If your eyes open
Mine will able to see
I am faithful as if
Your caress is the password
To the wall I've sealed
I adore you as solemn sky
Turns the sea crest
Into gold when the sun sets
And I love you
As you will be, as you are,
As it is, and as long
As always

You are the rose
That blooms
So wonderful
It compels me
To keep touching
And holding
Even when I have
To watch blood
Tainting my
Almond skin

Is it real?
You
Said
You love me
And I don't know
That simple line
Has a meaning
And
That sentence
Could feels
So right
When it flew
Out of your lips

You always have a way
Of trashing the band of color
With greyscale
Like acting to be
A ******* monosyllabic
When I spill the L word
Or changing the weather
From purple rain
To extreme cold winter
Like making candies
Tastes like stomach acid