I.
I keep looking
I keep drawing
hanging onto memories
miserably
(they're slipping away)
The starless night scene
illuminated by city lights -
a small canvas
I keep at my bedside table.
A Christmas polaroid, a photo taken
by the tree
two years in a row.
The memory of home
it's slipping away.

II.
I keep looking,
keep staring
at the unfamiliar faces
i put up
miserably
trying to connect.
Pretty eyes,
pretty lips,
dimples and freckles cheeks -
I'll never be like them,
I'll never have them
Then what's the point?
to keep looking,
searching for memories
never made
never will.

III.
i don't like empty walls
ugly stains filling a void

is there anyone
to erase it? -
my dark stain -
cover it?
paint it?

nothing can cover the empty walls
nothing
but the memory
of me.

Let he be merciful to those who sin,
the Protector to whom I swore thus.
Let her bless with light my kin,
the Mother who always protects us.
Life God, who defends my being
and watched over me,
Death Lord, the accompanying king,
I always proudly welcome thee.
For I pledge my life to you miserably,
though, I do it unconditionally.

In the midst of the darkest nights,
waking up, tearing the blanket apart
of weariness of the sleepless nights
and sadness for my bleeding heart.
I hear you in my dreams, yet
in reality you are silent.
I try to remember but I forget.
Have you met me there or haven’t?
You’ve had so many chances,
never dared to and never kissed.
And I can’t stop giving you chances
because without you I can’t exist.
   I tried so hard to let you go,
   yet, again I come and say “Hello!”

I had a vivid dream
about a shallow stream;
I found myself sitting on the bank,
holding on to myself as a crank.
I’m not ready to stray
But I don’t want to pray.

I need to build a church of my own;
Nothing better than to stay at home
Demons and sinners dive into
this nightmare of mine and dine
on my faith and safety;
Haunted and hunted, I hear the Banshee.

The scene is dimmed already;
Though, my church is not ready.
I try to stay down to the stream
but I got burned by the steam.
My stream is gone,
The dream has been undrawn.

Strolling in the dark freezing night
on streets frozen and crushed,
we talked under the moonlight
and cracked jokes all the time.
I sensed an awakening inside
like the Devil was rapturing my mind.
It was pleasing, sensible, yet
I knew - it was an ugly lie.
I love another, I well remember,
but I can’t stop staring,
staring at those deep brown eyes...

I was strong, I was brave,
I did not took myself to the grave.
I gave all I had to make it work,
Turned out only to be clockwork.

I loved and admired, yet
I died again after sunset.
Poison was killing me slowly,
The poison that was you.

Our empire will rise,
people around us will disguise
and with all their lies
our mother land dries.

They try to fill us with poison;
Before the sun is up, they'll try to run.
Soldiers and archers we send a ton
and they had never won.

How long do we put up with our fights?
I've lost sense of our nights;
I want to see how our love ignites
through the big clouds in these heights.

I don't want to put you in an exile;
since we last spoke - it's been a while.
I still love you and I can smile
even if our vow sailed away in a vile.

Now I look at the glass of wine,
then at your face - so divine.
I wonder, how will I shine
after this deadly drink of mine?

Our empire has fallen,
all that we had is broken;
the emperor I wished I've proven;
All that followed was a curtain.

I think tonight again
of the times I forgot about you,
unforgettable love...

I curse at the times
I left myself being hurt
for whatever it was,
no worse could've been.

I let the words fly,
hit me harder than ever;
I let my emotions die,
though hurt they never were.

I wonder how this is possible,
the first time nothing was blissful
but I held onto myself when
I knew you could only trust thyself...

Who is this? And that?
Mirror and someone’s reflection.
Me, myself or I?

Tonight I lie in bed,
waiting for what I dread;
Tonight I spit on my luck,
and the lightning that got me struck;
Tonight I exist in darkness,
for I want to dwell in endless;
Tonight I again wait,
wait to be the devil's bait.

The room in which I stand
The wishes that I grant
Seem so distant these days,
Leading me in different ways.
I live the lives of others,
My heart locked all desires.
I see no other destiny
Than dying painfully.

Suffered have I through time,
While searching for home
But I never found a homely planet
To accommodate my bitter sorrow.
Cursed I am, I believe
To not find happiness, ever.
I have tried, I swear
But fate does not release me.
Love I have not known
Nor warm lips have I felt
Or held a trembling hand
In my own unsure embrace.
Many years ago,
A witch had cursed my blood,
I know now
For I dwell alone in darkness
And my kin lives far away.
For I have not found happiness
Nor love have I known.
Cold lips have touched mine
And the sweet aroma of death
Locked onto my heart.
Cursed I am,
To live forever on this foul land
And when my death occurs
I would still wander
Maybe in a parallel world
But still close enough
to hear the wails of my tortured soul
And see the decay of my body.
That shan't come soon,
I need not hope.
My mind lives in fear
Of today and tomorrow,
However, the past I cherish;
For bitter kinlove I have known
And their lips brushed my cheek.
Their cold hands caressed my hair
And their cold souls left me for dead.

What happened to her, Khai?
Is she alive, is she amongst angels?
Which was the reason why
she chose a road so dangerous?

I know, she did it for the sake of me.
I’m the vision in her dreams
and her only wish was to set me free,
if again I could make her beam.

But I can’t  sleep, dear Khai,
The tears ooze out of my eye;
Sometimes I really wonder why
She did so much for me to be free?

I watch
The world go down in flames,
Burning, driven by blames;
I hear
The screams of the dead
In the comfort of my bed;
I feel
The silent pain and tears
And everyone's deepest fears;
I see
How we slowly fade into the abyss
Into days of hopeless bliss.

Holding my hand with blooming passion
and smiling widely in a peculiar fashion,
he says: 'Last question, my friend?';
Reverberating pulses through me he sent.
'Kind stranger, there's nothing more I'd like to know;
all else you might say, will make you a foe.'
And I saw his lust fading away,
his weariness shining in the break of day.
I bid goodbye and watched him go
with eyes glum; did not cry, though
'cuz I know I'll see him again,
soon, in this life or the next.

Who turned out the lights?
Who’s frightened again at night?
Searching for undeniable proof
To clarify the scary truth.

Noises and voices you hear,
Coldness you feel near;
Ice kisses on your cheeks,
Across your skin – fire streaks.

Who turned out the lights?
Who walks alone during the night?
Seeing things that aren’t there;
Dying out of pure despair.

We were lying,
you and I, an eternity,
on the vast green grass of the fertile fields.
We were dreaming,
you and I, the realists,
of the wonderful world we didn’t want to explore;
of all the stars in all the skies we’d never see;
of all the love we’re missing out and all its heartbreaks.
We were crying,
you and I, the optimists,
for all the death that ever came upon the world;
for all the tears and screams of pain that filled children’s dreams.

We’ve been lying,
you and I, the eternal,
under blue skies for ever and ever.
These blue skies,
our shared grief and last hope of salvation.
For we've been lying
on the vast green grass of the fertile fields for
far too long.
For we’ve been searching for the same blue skies
far too wide.
But there is no other place like our blue skies
where we always meet in the end.

On a sunny day on the road
You amusingly strode.
When I tried to start a talk
You rudely away from me walk.
I’m sorry for desperately trying
But your arrogance I’m not buying.

Your humour is nothing compared to mine
And with your voice it sounds so divine.
Your eyes are not brown and ordinary
And even if I deny, I want to stare badly.
You somehow detest me, I understand,
I hate not to know what you do not stand.

You don’t let people flatter you,
I know, you’re kind of shy, too.
You lift your ******* with a smile
As I try again not to become volatile.
And when I finally give up and leave,
you smile and come back as ou see fit.

She sat in a dark corner;
Alone, nobody to hold her
as she wept and wept
and shadows around crept.
She was hopeless, faithless;
her mother left her young,
her father
        - rest his soul -
                             penniless.
She now wanders lost.

   But no more!
The demons will claim her -
She is worth the extra cost
of her untimely demise
she so does despise.
   It is alright
   She has found peace
Although her anxious heart
beats as fast as a flying dart,
Her mind is free of the storms
that raged in her very bones.

People like you know how to play,
Confuse the human heart.
People like you bleed me dry
Leech my love, tear it apart.

People like you bathe in debauchery,
With no concept of remorse.
People like you respect honesty,
Yet it always comes as a last resort.

People like you keep asking questions
Without expecting a just answer.
People like you bring down others
And making them smile brighter.

In blood I bathe on this fortunous night -
your blood running down my chest.
I ripped your heart without a fright
and left you with an open breast.

Though, I do not suffocate, do not drown.
It was wrong to enjoy suffering, they said
Although they might still sometimes frown,
my curiosity and vengeance were fed.

You see, I never forgot what you did
Kept it only in my pretty head for a long time.
There were moments when I forgave it,
Moments when I wept and regretted you're not mine.