"Hey. Are you giving to the Yemen charity? There's a UK nationalist appeal for the refugees from the conflict."
"Yemen? You mean that bit on the edge of the Red Sea, yeah?"
"Wow. I'm impressed. I thought you failed Geography at school. I did so you must have, too. Considering..."
"Yeah. Well, it was boring as ****. All I remember from Geography class is ******* oxbow lakes and irrigation. That's something for your ****, innit? Pipes and that..."
"I don't think Ethiopian farmers shove pipes up their arses to grow crops..."
"But they do use ****, innit? Same as here. We grow like... potatoes and carrots in ****. You know that, right?"
"What...? Just stop. I haven't got time. I'm collecting for the Yemen appeal. Are you giving?"
"No chance, bro."
"What?! Why not? You've got a ******* heart, haven't you? Imagine if it were your kids, your grandmother starving to death..."
"I'll tell you why, bro. This t'ing in the Yemen, this war...religious is it?"
"What war isn't religious"
"Actually most of them, bro. Religion might be a flag to wave but it ain't the reason for war. There's always something hiding under the god-cloth, gee. Trust. Might be greed for resources. Might be land border control. Politics, bro then religion. That's war. Even if it looks the other way around."
"Have you been watching David Ike again on YouTube? What did I tell you? Once a racist, always a racist. The man thinks he's the ******* Oracle of Delphi."
"No, man. I don't watch him anymore. He looks like one of the ******* Village of the ****** kids, grown up. And he chats ****. Mainly that, innit."
"Well, anyway. Look. War is bad and any help is good..."
"Is Britain helping?"
"Yes. Of course. This is a UK appeal."
"Then why is it selling Saudi Arabia guns, planes, tanks and bombs to fight the war against Yemen, innit?"
"Umm...well, countries need security, I suppose."
"Nothing to do with Al-Mahra then, no?"
"Where are you getting your information? What is this? I feel like a criminal here!"
"Just asking, bro. That's all. Just wondering why you thought this war t'ing is kicking off? You like politics and that, don't you?"
"The war is because of rebel insurgency from Houti partisans trying to take back land already given to Saudi Arabia in previous agreements and depose governments in line with Shia Islam laws."
"Why don't nobody stop it? Like Iran if its Shia versus Sunni? Or the ******* UN?"
"Are you off your meds? You seem... different today. More paranoid than usual..."
"Thank you, Mister Propaganda. Now can I tell you the real reason, gee?
"Please do. I'm all ears."
"At the ****-end of Yemen is al-Mahra. The Saudis want a transnational oil pipe through to the coast.
Yemen has oil but the pipe is more important, bro. It'll bring in big dollar and ease transport of oil to other countries.
Every country bar Yemen stands to profit from the pipeline. Even Iran. Which is why it does ****-all but denounce the war, innit?
Same as everyone else. They cry wolf, say 'shame on you' and collect money, innit? But under the table, they're selling the guns to hurry up the result and it works two ways for the UK.
Not only do they get rich funding the ******* war but if the Saudis win, Britain will get rich, too. And if the war carries on for all time, they get rich. Its win-win, gee. A bless t'ing."
"So why would I give money to a country that's backing a war out of greed?
The charity is British, yeah?
So I'm then funding more ******, right?
I'll give money through crowdfunding online, gee. Straight to the people who need it, not through some conscience-money charity ****.
Trust that ****, bro. That ain't David Icke. That's me."
"I never thought..."
"You people never do, bro."
"You people? You have been watching Icke, haven't you!?"
"I mean you conscience-monkeys. People who jump on a good cause because it raises their esteem and public profile.
Something to write on Facebook, innit?"
"You're damaged. I can't take much more of you."
"... Said the wound to the salt, right?"
"Crowdfunding bro. That's all I'm saying. Hey, you fancy a curry? I'm buying."