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Jay M Jan 2021
Tiresome day
Seemingly little to say
Hoping for things to be
Well on their way

Tired, near gone day
Nothing much to say
Not much to see
Sleepy limbs to sway

Shuffle through
See what may be

News,
Oh happy day!
At last,
Great things to shout and say!
Life surging back into the limbs
Run, jump about
Celebrate this greatness that has come!

Rising to swift moving feet
Spirits, today they soar
A great new thing there is to greet
The night no longer a bore!

Here comes this poet,
My weapon is my word,
I will slay them with my tongue
Then turn them quite around
Take them by their hands
And dance with them
To the wildest of songs!

Here comes this poet,
Words at the ready
Come and catch me now
No need to wonder how
Stride quite steady
And they shall soon know it
As here comes the poet!

- Jay M
January 12th, 2021
Beware, for here comes the poet, who dances with the strength of a great many words! See me in the dance of a leaf, the flutter of a butterfly, or a beam of light filtering through the clouds, for I feel as free and wonderful as any of those!
Jay M Feb 2022
Ocean blue
Reflect onto me
Shimmering lights
Dancing in their glow
As deep waters flow
Push and pull across
Wave from coast to
Most eager coast

Rosemary blossoms
Beautifully soft, near pastel
Endless inviting tranquility
Calm waters wash over me
As I gaze into their depths
Cool waves over river stones
Gaze calmly returned
Something familiar
Though only once
Were they ever met

- Jay M
February 1st, 2022
Their eyes remind me of rosemary blossoms.
Jay M Jul 2020
Roses aren't always red
Violets are not blue
Only in my head may I hold you.

- Jay M
July 2nd, 2020
Based on "Roses are red, violets are blue".

Missing the person I love, and wishing I could hold them in my arms again.
Jay M Mar 2022
Times turn like the waves
A certain shine of light
Ray on churning waters
Waters of brown and foamy white
Long polluted, sky of grey
Clouds dark, sure to mark
The coming of acid rains

Glass beach, its sands still turning
Still weathering, slowly becoming grains
To sift through fractured fingers
Miniscule cuts, scabs, and scars
Some fragments remain, to be plucked
By trembling appendages
Looked upon by
Sockets of long faded visions
Once so bright, not shy of a spark
Only to be overcome, shrouded by the dark

Skin and bone
Shadow and stone
To stumble about
Hollow husk
Pillar of flesh
Worn, long ago beaten and torn
Canyons and marks
Of days long ago
Gone to some
Whilst the lingering
It is ever present
Every waking dawn
They once again live

A time past the grand game
A time past “theirs” and “ours”
All that now remains
The tattered, the rubble
City rats searching for scraps
Become what they must
Far more than simple pawns
Once a tide of surging force
Now mere observers
Of the ruins of reality.

- Jay M
March 15th, 2022
What are we to become, in a time after the dust has settled?
Jay M Dec 2020
Would you mind if I caused you hell?
That's all I bring
Chaos and pain
Crumbling with nothing to gain
Besides perhaps some company
In this long since ghost town

Desperately cleaning the cobwebs
Pick up, tidy it all up
Sweep away the lingering destruction
Bring back life in the ruins
Scrap by scrap
Nail by nail
Stone by stone
It shall be whole again

Pick up the pieces
Shattered glass on chilling stone
Fragment by fragment
Gently placed in a burnt wooden box
Where it once stood
Burning and bright
Hoping to one day be forged anew

Clouds of grey consume all color
Drained away to a place unseen
Wind scarcely moving the dust
Circulating the near stale air

Change will come
To these ruins one day
As hope holds fast

- Jay M
December 11th, 2020
Jay M Mar 2021
Sirens sing, call, and plea
But I only wanna hear your melody
When I am lost at sea
I call into the tides and sing
Hoping for the harmony to ring
For the waves to finally bring
Take me right back to you
From across the great blue

- Jay M
March 25th, 2021
For you, älskling. (Darling or my beloved in Swedish)
Jay M Oct 2021
Salva me
Save me
From the horrors that I say
From the misery on display
From the atrocities that play
Within the confines of my mind
For only my demons and angels to find
To **** me, or to raise me from what was left behind

- Jay M
October 21st, 2021
Salva me = "Save me" / "help me" in Latin
Jay M Jun 2019
Constantly calling
Forever haunting
Will it ever be known?
This terrible truth?

Tired eyes
Barely open
Never catching a single solid time
All broken
Fractured
See me
And save me

Oh friend
Lift me up
I am slipping
Going under
White wings
Tainted
Faded to black
To which I am falling into
Unable to escape

- Jay M
June 6th, 2019
Jay M Feb 2023
Find me here, dreamer, my shell, a vessel,
Container of all, all that which plagues,
Haunted soul, tainted, stained and surely bruised,
Unseen hands, shred me, my every fiber,
Tear into the dark, simmer in my bones,
Seeth beneath the skin, boiling marrow,
Scorching skin, flay me, piece by bleeding piece,
All torture, all pain, felt in the expanse,
Here eternally, trapped in my amber,
O forevermore, surely as I breathe,
So too does the day, o forevermore,
Beloved spider, give me thy venom.

Midnight whispers, o, fade into the dawn,
Screaming in hatred, bleed obedience,
Bitten tongues scar over, strained voices may heal,
Alas, not a mind, a tangle of flesh,
Encapsulated, entrapped within bone,
My chamber, my skull, here they ricochet.

Words, sharpest of blades, points oh so countless,
Numerous are they, true, I know it true,
Some self-inflicted, so monstrous indeed,
Dragged across, branded, told, now written bold,
Hidden from view, o, only mirrored,
Reflected mem’ry, only scar tissue.

- February 8th, 2023
Jay M Apr 2020
La la la, la la
La, la la

My dear child,
You have room to grow still
Venture out, free and wild
Sit not at the sill
Looking out at the world below
Remain not in woe
Move to the next season
For you need not a reason

Grow, deepen thy roots
Release the childhood leaves
Mature, reach for the stars
From your good works there shall be fruits
Yes, eventually one grieves
But all scars
Heal and tell thine tales
Greater than ever before
Leap o'er the rails
Above those who are a bore
Following no known road
Create one of your own
Like a frog out of cover of a toad.

- Jay M
April 10th, 2020
Poem is based on the title. Picked a line of 4 words out of my list of words used to create the title.
Jay M Dec 2020
Words across summer pages
Later burned in winter fires
Release that which holds yee so
Let them all go

Midsummer nights
Warm and unrest
Tossing and turning
Longing to be cold

Midwinter nights
Cold, still unrest
Curled and shivering
Longing for a bit of warmth

Midsummer dreams
Of content and ease
Midwinter dreams
Of peace and escape
Forge on, dreamer
Forget not
For it is the pain
That makes strength

- Jay M
December 8th, 2020
Jay M Dec 2021
Playful as autumn breeze
Smile bright as a spring morning
Warm and inviting as a winter fire
Appearance as that of a summer romance

- Jay M
December 6th, 2021
Jay M Feb 2021
One touch
Calls forth reality
Just a glimpse
Caught off guard
Never much
Walls with a moment of clarity
Of clearest quartz

Windows to the smokey undertones
Dried bushes of roses
Wilted, with petals to the wind
Stained stones
Line the path down
Into the endless pits of brown
Like bark of a tree
Or perhaps nutrient-rich soils
Of a secret garden
Watered with internalized rains
Never to flood out with great pains

In the garden
Shielded away
Is a pond of fish playing coy
Above tangling reeds
Only they stay
Protected from hands that may destroy
Or perhaps to brush against the hand that feeds
Light filtering through the green curtain

Buried beneath roots of reeds
Lies a chest of steel
Painted with winged steeds
Ghostly figures, perhaps once real
Locked with a strange mechanism
To which there is only one key
Of the strangest sorts
Perhaps lost to time
Or kept close as can be
Just out of sight

- Jay M
February 5th, 2021
One touch of the hand when least expected, caught off guard can show a glimpse to something unknown. A look in the eyes could speak volumes, if you know how to read them.
Jay M May 2019
Buried deep in the ground
Waiting to be found
Ages pass
It shatters; like glass
These secrets we keep.

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019
Jay M May 2019
Twisting the knobs
On comes the water
Crashing, drumming down
On the tub floor

After a moment
You step in
Absorbing the warmth
Embraced by the pattering droplets
Soothed by the simplest of things
Eased into a sense of safety
Naked, yet somehow,
Never more clothed and protected

Inaudibly, rivers run
Down your cheeks
To your chin
To the floor
Crouching, close to the ground
From whence your ancestors came
Longing to claim you

Too afraid to stop
To turn it off
To emerge into the open air
Yet
Flesh turning pink
Like that of a kittens nose
Signals you it is time
To cool down

Slowly, carefully
Standing
One last moment in embrace
Caressed by the water
Then
Going through the motions...

- Jay M
May 28th, 2019
Jay M Nov 2022
Strong arms embrace
My shivering torso
Held in safety
Ever real and true

Eyes of yours,
Fields of grass
Softest moss
Leaves of life
A forest I view
One could be lost forever there

Hands of yours
Strong and secure
Callused yet tender
Holding my own

Scent so alluring
It puts me at ease
Peaceful the closer I get
Enchant me, darling.

- Jay M
November 3rd, 2022
Jay M May 2019
Never
Finished

Never
Done

Always

                             Pa         t
                                    r               l
                                              ia

The front door was open
They walked in
Gunning down the residence
One by one
Loosening their grip on the world
Drifting out of consciousness
They lost a lot of blood

I thought I made a promise
But I guess no promise is kept
Not anymore

They said I could do anything
Well
What about nothing?


- Jay M
May 21st, 2019
Jay M Sep 2022
Blind eyes turned
Guilty, trapped in denial
Of what they have done
What have they done
To us all?

Words fall upon deaf ears
Ignorance is their bliss
Never would they confess
Or pay mind to their crimes

Wash their hands clean
Of our tears and pains
Blood unseen is
Blood undrawn

Swallowing pills
To cleanse our mouths
Of the bitter tastes
Of their spoon fed lies

Smell their smoke
From discarded guns
Inhale the fumes
Of their drowning misery

Force-fed the scraps of humanity
Broken and remolded
Burned in their kiln of pressures
To be formed into a strange
Misshapen figure
Manipulated and bruised
Dented and cracked
Not all coal becomes diamonds
Words can break bones
And all of it is real.

- Jay M
September 1st, 2022
Jay M May 2019
Tick
        Tick
                Tick
        Tick
Tick

The seconds
The minutes
Hours
DAYS...

I only have
5 days
If
You add today
Before
My fate
Is set
In stone

- Jay M
May 27th, 2019
Jay M Aug 2020
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
A new world comes to life

Dancing shadows
Like familiar silhouettes
From memories once so dear
Doing dips and pirouettes
Entangling then seperate
Few seeming so desperate
Whilst others only bid adieu
For not all is too
Far gone, far down
All things shall arise

Ribbons like smoke
Or regrets chains that choke
A serpent, slithering in the mind
Plotting to seize control

A figure of shadow
Creeping by the doorway
Moving soundlessly across the ground
To stop and stare
At the one who dare
Look back
Into the eyes of a darkness.

- Jay M
August 24th, 2020
Boredom, memories, and a childhood fear.
Jay M Jun 2019
She's only 14
Her whole life's ahead of her
Yet she feels like she's 30
And her life's about to end
Wanting it so badly
Her heart is hurting
Feeling the road has end

Tomorrow she's got school
Second to last of the year
Yet
Can she even last a minute?
She wonders
She ponders
She cries
Feeling her whole world
Took a hit from an avalanche
Of everything

What a loss it would be
What a loss

A waste of time
A waste of space
How could one so terrible
Be any good?

She's only 14
But
She's gotten drunk
She's overdosed
She's cut
She's tried to die
So many **** times
She's changed for everyone
She's almost ran away
Tried once
Didn't get far
When she got back
Nobody noticed
She could have been touched
She doesn't know!
She was asleep
**** it
She was asleep!

How can she
Be any good
When she's done these things?
How can she
Be any good
When she's reminded at least 5 times a day
That she's a tool
That she's hideous
That she's a mistake
That she's annoying
That nobody gives a ****
If she lives or dies
Hell
They told her
"Why do you bother?"

She's only 14...
Only 14...

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019
Jay M Feb 2023
Scuttle along
Cover to cover
Bit of rubble here,
A collapsed building there,
Just climb about, to and fro
Steer clear of the fray
Lest they find him,
Smallest is he,
Branded by fallen brethren;
Shrimp soldier.

- February 6th, 2023
From talk about lunch to a poem, how interesting.
Jay M Mar 2019
Mere mortals may laugh,
Alas, I am no mere mortal;
For I am strange,
I may act innocent,
But I am a caged beast,
Or at least part of me...

The other part is kind,
A truly gentle creature,
But if you dare underestimate me,
I shall be your undoing.

- Jay M
October 29th, 2018
Jay M Apr 2019
Sing me to sleep,
Lull me into a dream,
So I can be at rest
At last.

A melody so soothing,
A harmony so comforting,
Tone so gentle,
Relaxing my ever anxious mind,
Bringing me to an eased state of mind.

- Jay M
April 5th, 2019
Jay M Oct 2020
Trapped
In a boat full of holes
Water entering
At first slow, subtle
Then overwhelming
The ship is sinking
Faster and faster
While the sailor is patching holes
Left and right
Hoping to make it through the night

- Jay M
October 30th, 2020
School is hard, I'm barely staying afloat.
Jay M Jul 2022
Sink or swim
Crash as tidal waves
In the vast, merciless sea
Sink, swim, or float
Effortlessly suspended
Beautifully balanced
Without direction or
Complex meaning
Simply floating
Lost to the waves
Lost to the sea
From whence it came to be.

- Jay M
July 29th, 2022
2:00am
Jay M Mar 2019
Through times of pain,
One can only do so much,
When it erupts and all is gone,
The heart takes over,
You are nothing but a puppet,
A slave of the subconscious,
Then you do an extreme deed,
Roses bloom,
Heart beats fast,
Rain pattering lightly,
The moment, sweet and unexpected,
Over in an instant,
Excitement fills the air,
Then it tumbles down upon you,
As all good things,
This, too, had a bitter end.

- Jay M
January 15th, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Sleeplessness plagues my body,
Whilst emotions run about my head in an endless parade,
Most empty, whilst others weigh me down below,
Run, hide, leave, fly free,
I dare not obey them, for they shall lead me to my demise,
Untimely, yet fate claims otherwise.

They tell me I’m too young to understand.
Are they sure of what they say?
My maturity is beyond my age, or so I’m told,
It may grow with me, or merely just be put in bold,
This is all my mind can hold,
All I can bare.

Love turns to ashes,
With all that I wish I could say,
I dream it were still here,
The ghost by my side,
With all I hold dear,
I dream it’s still here.

Phantom, it stares into my soul,
I dream of escape,
When I was it disappears,
So easily,
I feel it slipping away,
Every night.

See the truth lying in their eyes,
The truth that they buried inside,
The fire, seething within,
Burning your heart,
Your very soul,
If only these scars would heal.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2019
Jay M Oct 2022
Slip down the *****, zipping and zooming.

- Jay M
October 13th, 2022
Jay M Nov 2019
A wing
Carved of wood
An inch in length
Painted black
With red and blue details
Swirls and dots

Bought at a beach
From a street vendor
Selling hand-carved trinkets
Bought by her parents
When they were together
Before their child knew of their disagreements
Before chaos entered

The last good thing
Embedded in that little trinket
That little wooden Pegasus

The girl decides
Then places it in a box
Upon a soft blue cloth
The box; black with fern patterns

"This,"
Decided the girl,
"Shall go to the best thing in my life."
So
She prepared the gift
For her love

Meeting with him
Talking, spending time,
Then him having to return home
Seeing the girl in a few days
Forgot the gift with the girl
The child promising to bring it with her to him

Leaving it where she would remember
The girl goes to carry out her day
Forgetting it
Until she looked out her window
Seeing the remains of the gift scattered
Shredded outside her window
In pieces in her backyard
Her dog standing over them
Wagging his tail

Shock and disbelieving
The girl runs out to the remains
Trembling as she picked up the pieces
Relieved at finding the gift itself intact
The only thing ruined being the box
Once so beautiful
Now ugly shreds

Returning indoors
The little wooden pegasus wing in hand
She wept, her tears falling to the floor
For the last good from her childhood
Was almost ripped away from her

This last good
She wished to give to her love
As a symbol of trust and unity
To show her affection
Yet
It was so close
So nearly stripped from her
Almost swallowed by the jaws of a mut

- Jay M
November 23rd, 2019
This is true...I have no more words than those you see above...
Jay M May 2019
Snip

        s
          n
             i
               p

Falling gently to the floor
Resembling
Remembering
What I had
What I lost

Taking the scissors
Looking up at the misters
Glancing at my sisters

What have I done?
I've but my life on display

You see this hair?
This is only fair
This is mine
So quit acting as though it were thine
Lets see who's in control now

Inch after inch
Flinch after flinch
Wave after wave
I gave and I gave
Well, here's my way
To say
Let my live my life
My way

You want to control me
No, let me be
I need to be free

I need your love
Set free the dove
Surrender it
Don't throw a fit

Don't be mad
That's just sad
Be proud
Just don't be too loud

I see the look on your face
Look ahead in this race
I take a bow
Look at me; see me now

- Jay M
May 13th, 2019
Well, I cut my hair. I'm rebelling. My mom and stepdad want to control my entire life and how I live it. If I want to be happy by doing the things I love, then let me. Let me have those good memories.
Jay M Jan 2023
Humans, how strange
So many, too many
Everywhere you go,
Everywhere you turn,
There they are,
There they stare
Stare into you
Watching your every move
Never letting you be

Ever present, ever invasive
Surely as ever, many abrasive
Manipulating, twisting, talking
Chattering away their complexities
None know what they speak of
Only one another, and none more

Surrounded, what can I do?
Surrounded, suffocated
Invisible grip around my throat
Heels fly across concrete
Aching, ever sore feet
Run, run far away
Quiet escape, hideaway
Alas, where shall any be found?

- January 26th, 2023
Social anxiety is truly terrible. People are frightening.
Jay M Jan 2021
Racing across
The well worn path
Of old earth and stone
Down the road
Over the hilltop
Not a moment
To brace for impact
Only the collision
Cast back
To the earth that flowed beneath
Now coated with a thin layer
Mind as scattered and disturbed
As the earth and grass below

Gaze across
To what lies just paces ahead
To yet another
Disoriented fellow
Pages strewn about
As is an apologetic voice
Hands fluttering about
Like freed doves

Risen and collected,
Words shared and spoken
Together they then go
Towards the setting sun
With mighty sword
Ink and pen
Away to battle they shall go

With sword strong and gleaming bright
Surely to survive the fight
Sharper than thorns
To pierce the veil
Their enemies to wail
The soldier shall prevail

With ink as black as darkest night
Words well weaved, bold with might
Surging with power of great war horns
To give strength without fail
Their foes sure to flail
The poet shall prevail

On goes the soldier
Powerful in skill
Master of the sword
And precision in the ****

On goes the poet
Sharpest in will
Master of the word
And always ink to spill

Away they go,
Walking to and fro
They shall lead their lives on well
Never to hide inside a shell
The soldier and the poet

- Jay M
January 12th, 2021
Oh how things will go. A fun one to write, truly a delight.
Jay M Aug 2021
When the rain pours at midnight
When the melodies carry through the stillness
When tears cannot dare to escape pained eyes
When hearts ache with a grip in their chests
Do they know of one another?

All across the land and sea
Though not a soul could see
Bare witness to the agony within
The hour the darkness threatens to win
To close around tormented souls

Do they know of the others
All caught within the expanse of the void
Silence or noise, either could smother
The soldier, unknowingly deployed?

- Jay M
August 26th, 2021
Somehow, always late into the night, many fall into their darkest or more mystifying thoughts.
Jay M Mar 2021
One day
I know not when
I yearn for the dawn to arrive
For the sun to bring forth the day
When I may finally bid this prison farewell
Step through the faded door and then
Finally live, rather than just survive
For the day when I can, at last, say
I have escaped this hell

Someday
Regrettably far, far away
There will no longer be the fear
Consuming of a poor dear
Rather release, relief
Free, despite all belief

There will come a day
When all will be at ease
Like a cool, summer breeze
After a day of blistering heat
No more burns upon these aching feet

- Jay M
March 24th, 2021
Someday..
Jay M Apr 2019
Lying on the floor
Trying to get cold
Burning on the inside
Nausea plaguing me
Head spinning
Up in the sky
Can't feel this mortal body

A single tear drops
The first drop
Signaling the rainstorm

Trembling violently
Unable to stop myself
Slipping away

Hearing voices
The ground leaving me
I'm being lifted

In arms so strong
I am silent
Hiding in the chill of my bones
Laying still
Heart beating

Grasping tightly to a cord
Loosening
Then staying just that
Loose, yet there

Healed
Back on my feet
Wishing, halfheartedly,
That I had let go

Then again
The other half cries in relief
So glad it remained

Pulled in
Heart beating
Words mumbled
Feeling in my hands fleeting
Unsure what shall win

Then suddenly
All is gone
I find myself eased
Over time
I realize;
Someone cares

- Jay M
April 24th, 2019
Jay M May 2023
Once I was 6 years old, I lived in a house with both parents. All of us in Riverside, with a place to call home.
Once I was 7 years old, my momma moved away. Saw her every weekend, wished for more time.
Once I was 8 years old, got bullied at school. Kids didn’t like me, I didn’t either.
Once I was 9 years old, moved in with my mom. Out in San Diego, with a new family.
Once I was 10 years old, I remember my teachers.
Once I was 11 years old, I don’t remember being 11 years old.
Once I was 12 years old, went on a trip to Santa Cruz. A man smacked my ***, nobody cared.
Once I was 13 years old, I dated a guy. Broke up and he traumatized me, still haunts me.
Once I was 14 years old, and nearly wasn’t.
Once I was 15 years old, pandemic changed the world.
Once I was 16 years old, my grandma died of stubbornness. Got some trauma, new and old, I get flashbacks from both.
Now I’m 17 years old, minutes away from being 18. 17 was hard, full of trauma and pain.
Soon I’ll be 18 years old, and the next volume will begin. They say you learn to manage, so I guess we’ll see.
Once I was 6, once I was 7, once I was 8, once I was 9, once I was 12, once I was 13, once I was 14, once I was 15, once I was 16, I am 17. Time running out like sand, soon the hourglass shall turn for me once again.

- May 6th, 2023
11:15pm. This doesn't even seem real. I know it is, but it doesn't feel like it.
Jay M Aug 2020
So used to the sorrow
One in the chamber
At all times
Cocked and ready
Barely standing
Hold steady
Stick the landing

Get back up and take another shot
Round after round
'Til it's burning hot
Slamming down to the ground
After hours, still not found

Digging up old memories
Pieces of the past
Hopefully the last

Page after page
Drop after drop
No rage
Still, make it stop
A balloon filling, ready to pop

Burn
Let it all go
Crumble to ashes
As it should have been
Years ago

What do you yearn?
A lesson to learn?
Letting it hide inside
Where your demons reside
They're living it up
While you're sitting by
Refusing to say goodbye

Wallin' alone
Breathing it in
The scent of misery
Of pain and relief
Stinging now, unforgiving
But stirring up forgotten brews
Only leaving clues

Burn it up
Break the glass
Let it all go
The past is the past
These pages are the last
Light it up
Get it out
Scatter the ashes
Heal the little slashes
And feed the flames until
The pain is long gone

Crawled my way out
From the depths of my own hell
I will scream and shout
That I'm still fighting
Because the pages and glass are gone
Doesn't mean it's over yet.

- Jay M
August 12th, 2020
I listened to the song "Addict" from Hazbin Hotel while writing this...
Anyway, I have some page Burning to do.
Jay M Mar 2019
Softly, but surely, comes the soft cry,
Rain begins, birthing rivers,
Trembling, filled with bewailment,
The crow lands quietly,
“Come hither…”
It would whisper,
“Give thy soul to me…”
Alas, in the last moment,
The crow is startled,
Flying far to a distant time,
Awaiting thy fateful day,
When thou approaches the day of thy doom.

What, you wonder,
Could have frightened the creature?
Then, on soft footfalls,
Comes a figure,
Glowing in their mystery,
Casting your demise back,
Again and again,
“Remain”, it whispers,
“In this realm divine.”

“How can this be,”
You plea,
“When ‘tis chamber after chamber of torture?”
The response soothes,
“All shall reveal itself in due time.”

With time,
Comes cheer and sorrow,
All left for ‘morrow,
Lost in the confusion,
This land of confusion.

- Jay M
January 22nd, 2019
Jay M Sep 2020
My soul cries
Curled in on itself
Adrift in the madness
Echoing in the dark
A call to any whom dare listen
Dare turn an ear

So cold, fingertips moving numbly
Lips moving
Pouring forth words like rain
Drowning and lifting
All at once
A child lost in a surging storm
Perhaps a tiny boat
In the ocean amidst a typhoon.

- Jay M
September 2nd, 2020
Just floating in the space between.
Jay M Apr 2019
Hopeless and left for dead
Going with what they say
Pretending
Hiding behind the mask
Never to ask...
"Help me."

Words, images,
This madness consuming
The darkness surrounding
Calling to me
Whispering my name
Making nightmares reality
Reminding me of what is to come...

Locked myself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor
Delicately, firmly,
Dragging the needle across my skin
My pain
Reminding me
That I am still alive
Still human...

Lying alone in my room
I cry out
But no sound escapes my lips
Not a sound
Aside from each breath
Each one forced

Closing my eyes
Hearing whispers
Too scared to utter a word
To a soul

Trembling
Back to the wall
Curled in a ball
Tears forced on
Pain throbbing
Thoughts bobbing
In the ocean of my mind.

- Jay M
April 15th, 2019
Jay M Jul 2020
Speak
Use the voice inside you
Don't let it be stale air
Let yourself be heard
It's like a bird not using its beak
To sing and bid sorrow adieu
Trust that someone shall care
And say every hindered word.

- Jay M
July 4th, 2020
You have a voice, so use it. Don't stop yourself short before you've even begun.

*Written whilst being comforted by my cat.
**Fireworks (when not one directly after the other) scare me.
Jay M Apr 2019
Sometimes I want you to know
That I am only human
And not a machine
Reaching for a reason
To keep going.

Too much
Really, is this what you want?
Yesterday you said you loved me
In the end; calling me crazy
Never thought you'd say that
Going 'round in my head now....

But that was yesterday.

- Jay M
April 4th, 2019
Let's see if you find it.
Jay M Oct 2019
Struggling
To stay afloat
In the rapids
Waves crashing down upon the skull
A second above
The next below
Then plunged farther from the surface
Unable to breathe
But there is no pain
Just void
Then an aching
Internal dying
Yearning for the pain
Then, there it is
Water-filled lungs
Brain on fire
Tainted soul

Seeing others above
Emotions fester
Then, a confession
Double confession
Realization
Relief, shock, and overwhelming joy
Then a clasp of hands
Being pulled up
Head breaking the surface
Above the rapids
To calmer waters
Where one can breathe
Where we can breathe
Together
Aid each other
Build a raft
To stay afloat
Sometimes it flips
Sometimes there are moments
When water enters the lungs
Darkness fills the mind
But then
A hand
Takes one up
To the sun

Revived by the one who loves you
The one you love
Embrace
Clasp of hands
The one who saved you
From falling away
With the shadows
Patching the bullet holes
Bandaging the battle wounds
Healing for both

- Jay M
October 29th, 2019
Love, whenever you read this, I want you to know;

You are my hero. You helped me to keep going, keep fighting, and gave me someone to talk to. Someone to trust. Then, as time went, I fell for you. You took me into your arms, and I actually thought past next week. I began to think about having a life. Darling, you never cease to surprise me. You told me you would never leave me. That makes my heart flutter, my mind a beach with a shining sun, and my soul dancing on a pavilion in the moonlight.

What I'm trying to say is; thank you, and I love you.
Jay M Apr 2020
They want to give you things
They want to waste time and effort all on you
And all for what?
Temporary enjoyment,
Lasting anywhere from a few minutes
To a few years
Even so -
It's so unnecessary, even wasteful
Of what they work for
What they could use to support themselves
Yet they waste it upon such things
For another
To see them smile
At least every once in a while.

- Jay M
April 28th, 2020
Someone asked what I wanted for my birthday. I only want to see the people I care about and those that care about me, or maybe to go on a long walk. If not then maybe camp out in the backyard, or board games with my siblings and parents for a couple of hours, or even just do some karaoke in the living room.
Jay M Jan 2021
I wonder

About the things beyond my reach
Many possibilities lie in nearly anything

Nowadays it all seems haunting
Outstanding in curiosity
Too many things to count

Oblivious to the pain, they add water
****, no drown, a struggling rose
Awaiting a better day to bloom
Yet, when will it come?

- Jay M
January 5th, 2021
Jay M Aug 2020
Wandering a vast gloom
Only to stumble into a large room
Filled with shelves of books
Some telling of heroes and crooks
None of which I choose to read

Moving aimlessly past the collections
Dwelling on life's rejections
Only to see, just for a moment,
A figure running swiftly by
Evading me just so
But this I shall not let go

The chase begins
So far it wins
Turning and twisting around corners
Dodging my lingering gaze
Slipping away as though called
Leaving me enthralled in the mystery
Not to give up

Breathless, I stop
Mind spinning and fogged
Dizzied by the sudden stop
Almost to collapse-
But caught
In the figures arms
A scent filling my nostrils
So familiar and comforting
Making me feel safe in this madness

Then we fall
The figure flat on their back
Still holding me in their arms
I apologize, but find myself
Strangely unable to shy away
So there I stay
Cozy in their arms
Turning to put my ear over their heart
Quick beats, soon slowing to be at ease

They release a sigh
Of content or defeat
I do not know
But they do not go
So there we lie
Wordlessly calm
For here we did meet
But not for the first time
Or so I believe

My eyes grow tired
Heavy with sleep
Soon upon me it shall creep
But before I fall into a slumber
I ask their name
To which they reply,
"I am in your heart."

- Jay M
August 18th, 2020
Last night, I had a strange dream. I still don't know who that figure was, but somehow I think it will come to me.
Jay M Mar 2019
Strangers lurking at the edge,
Hidden away in a corner, we wait.
Hoping the party may end,
This pointless gathering,
Drinks poured, hearts broken,
The perfect masquerade.

Are you happy now?
All of the stupid lies,
Empty thoughts,
Lowered eyes,
Some get drunk,
Some sit in the back,
Some don't even try to arrive...
Stay home, where fate picks them up,
Cradling them in its gentle arms.

- Jay M
March ??, 2019
Jay M Mar 2019
Leaves blow in the autumn wind,
A light chill fills the air,
Voices calling,
Haunting, consuming your very soul,
Keeping you to its will,
Bending, breaking,
Hoping to snap you like a little twig,
Surprised at your sudden strength,
Growing until you break free,
Control regained,
The darkness burning beneath.

- Jay M
October 1st, 2018
More of my stuff from last year
Jay M Nov 2019
As I sit in this classroom

Listening to keys clattering

Pencils clicking

Feet tapping

Pages flipping

Shuffling feet

Creaking seat

Faint ac, or is that the heater?

Such is unknown to me

For it is all overwhelming

Things so small

Yet so impacting.



Then, from outside

Chatter of children

Wind whispering my very name

Calling me to the freedom of the outdoors

A plane overhead

Announcing its presence

Clicking of a mouse

A pencil dropping

People adjusting in their seats

Drinking water

Back to work

The tap of a foot

The shuffle of paper

Pages turning

Legs shifting positions

Another plane overhead

And all the while,

Here I wonder,

While pages are turning;

What am I learning?



- Jay M
November 22nd, 2019
Never can I focus during a test - unless 'tis on the surrounding sounds.
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