in the waning days of my sojourn
when the Sun will set quicker than I remember
when I'll wish I'd taken advantage of a pain free body
and walked a bit longer in those fields of gold
searched my dreams for meaning
taken a few extra moments to absorb
the laughter of my children when they were mere toddlers
the mindset falls into one of waiting
as we drift off into the natural state of irrelevancy
like the favorite stuffed bear that is still loved
but has served its purpose
watching the world spin by upon a shelf
next to a copy of Tom Sawyer
I'd give all my remaining days
to re-live one of those fading memories

did I hear the sound of a breaking heart
as he finally reached 301
seeing the note taped to the door
just above the peep hole
a long pause
a fumbling of the keys
I knew she had left
I could hear her earlier
sobbing
she'd had enough
she was much younger
and there were years ahead
they had spoken of how this could happen
long ago
rather, he had spoken and she had laughed it off
today she realized he was right
today her glass is half full
and his has emptied

do I hear the sound of silence

For years I had heard stories about the Hawthorne Library,
that it was haunted,
especially the basement  
where the 19th Century books were kept.
For this reason, people tended to stay away
from the ground floor.
I had also heard that they were going to close the Hawthorne soon,
so I decided that my next ghost hunt would take place there.

Two days later, about 30 minutes before closing,
I entered the Hawthorne with my bulky camcorder
tucked neatly in my backpack along with a sandwich and coke.
It was a crisp December night and about an inch of snow had fallen,
leaving the library nearly empty.

I worked my way towards the stairs leading to the basement,
and when certain I wasn't seen,
made my way down the stairs.
I was alone.
It was colder down here as the heat made it's way up
to the higher floors.

At 9 pm, the lights went off as they closed,
and the heat was turned down.
What latch was that she just turned? I must be hearing things.
I heard the front door close and
I was alone,
here in the basement of the Hawthorne building.
The only light I had was the street light that barely made
its way through the ground level's 100 year old window's
thick glass and steel bars.

I settled into a corner and waited for my eyes
to adjust to the darker conditions.
I placed a 90 minute tape in my recorder
as the wind whipped outside
and the snow blowing about
made eerie shadows on the walls.

One story tied to the Hawthorne
was the tale of 8 year old Melissa who had wandered from her mother
to the stairs leading to the basement.
Before she turned back,
the door swung,
hitting her and sending her tumbling down the stairs
to her death.

The Librarian,
who disappeared one day
only to be found the next,
huddled in one corner of the basement,
the victim of an apparent heart attack
at 28 years of age.

There were more stories,
but I blew them off as urban legends,
a little truth surrounded by years of
creative storytelling.

It was getting really cold...
did they turn the heat off completely?
I gulped the remainder of my ham sandwich
and decided to get started.

Before I could turn the recorder on,
I thought I heard a voice,
a whisper really... a small girl.
I finally located the 'on' button,
fighting to keep it steady.
Again I heard the whisper;
'why are you here?' followed by a giggle.

What is your name little girl?
Another giggle from the same direction,
then it circled me.
Never, in all my experiences of conversing with the dead,
had I heard a voice so clear as this.

'Last night' it repeated...
3 or 4 times as she giggled...
'last night, last night, last night'
'what do you mean...last night?'

'Last night for the Library, silly...
didn't you know?'
suddenly, I heard laughter coming from all corners
of the basement
it became louder and louder...
'Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!'
a deafening male voice half choking on his laughter...
'But you won't be alone...
'Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...' a pounding, gurgling laugh...
'No, you won't be alone...Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha........'

They said I died from exposure
when they opened the basement
six months later to begin renovations.
Seems the Hawthorne was going to become
an apartment building.

But I was dead long before my body froze.
They'll discover this fact when they find my camera
on the shelf
right next to
'The Tell Tale Heart'  
...her favorite book!

where does the rainbow end?
where does the Sun touch the sea?
do not look to me for answers
for I am searching as well
I am lost in the questions that have been asked
since the first dawn lit paradise
but I will keep watch
when you decide to sleep
and gather strength
I will hold you close when you shake
in fear of the voices that haunt you
I will be at your side
and you at mine
when we begin our walk
at first light
toward rainbow's end

one knock, 2 knocks, 3 knocks, 4
hurry my love
please answer the door
time is short
it's almost four
and I must **** you one hour before
the Sun shows it's crest on the Eastern shore
you and your lover sleep sound I am sure
I suppose I must fiddle with the door lock before
I wake the neighbors by knocking once more

the light hits your face from the moon through the gape
in the curtains by the deck and the fire escape
your beauty is haunting and the shadow of shape
outlines your body while my blade on the nape
of his neck sinks deep as he drools and he snores,
then awakens in a start...
but the tape

on his mouth muffles the scream
which brings my attention back to you as your dream
turns quickly to one of intimate fright
from a walk in gold hillsides to a terror filled night

your eyes they are diamonds
when is added a tear
and the liquid on black reflect moon, reflect fear
a quiver of sadness for what I must do
you deceived me my love
my love this be true

I don't blame you this treachery
for I am not a great prize
and in time the heart hardens
and you catch other's eyes
no matter my dear, I will avoid such rage
your final breath be the final page
one day you would notice we are not the same pair
for you will grow older while I remain fare

tis' the life of Voivode
I must own all my lovers
I must gather their souls
leave their bones neath the covers
look at me darling
as I drink in your spite
isn't it clever
isn't it right
you will love me forever
and forever the night
will be ours for the taking
and the taking of life
shall sustain us
shall remain
thus

Dracula's realm

will you talk to me here
in the bowels of this long closed library
built before my father's eyes saw light
just after the final soldier passed
in that insidious war

I know you dwell within these walls
the timeless, seamless realm of the afterlife
talk to me now
give me more than a few words
though I can hear in them the longing

spirit that visits me not only in my dreams
but in my waking hours as well
here we are
alone where you need not be afraid
tell me of your life
of your death
of the dreams you had
how can I know you
from this side?

I wish that I could sleep
to wander through my dreams
to sift through thoughts of pure intent
to ride unconscious seams

I wish that I could see
through the mist to the other side
where life's escape awaits us
where spirit will reside

I wish that I could vanquish
the hatred that burns so deep
for those who drive my conscious thoughts
to wishing they could sleep

strangers become comfortable after a time
and the stoic faces of the old
are alive when they are free to tell their stories
this is what I live for
the stories

the orbs that roam the mountainside at night
many years after the crash that took all aboard
the lights that flicker same time every year
on a deceased husband's birthday
the cries of a child calling for her mommy
repeated each night
looped in time
down the halls of this 300 year - old brick house
where her mommy died from a fall

I have known the gentle touch of a kind spirit
and the angry wrath from the darkest of entities

I did not seek these gifts
they were given
and I follow with open mind and soul
for I live in the peace and comfort
of what this awareness provides
that there is more
much more
beyond this final breath

Come closer to my bedside children
for the final hour draws near
I have longed for this adventure
there is no time for fear

I have run my course
  quite a run it was
I have worn my welcome here
so bid me farewell and smile for me
let's not shed a tear

I've loved and lost
I've battled rough seas
my soul forever true
and if nothing else
I've been paid in full
with a gift
the 3 of you

so I'll leave you now
with this final word
before my thoughts digress
I'm not dying, my children
I'm just moving
to no particular address

something brushes my cheek as I sleep
tiny footsteps perhaps
and I awake in the vaguely lit room
somewhat startled
for this is the second time in two nights
but on this night I do not simply turn over
the dreams, these nightmares of sorts
are beginning to extend
well past the moment of being awake

now propped on one arm
I focus my eyes and sweep
first across my pillow
slowly to the edge
of the mattress
which is inches from the floor
I see it
not scampering
but walking away at a normal gate
this bright neon red spider  
large and life like
moving away towards the corner

wait!
I'm fully awake and I'm seeing this,
the thought occurred
my every nerve twitching in icewater
it's legs cartoonishly long and thin
I watched in stark silence
as it bent low and weaved its way through the space between my slippers
then behind a box of videos
I sat in disbelief
again asking myself if I were awake
but I knew
there was no need to slap myself this time

I slowly leaned towards the box and pulled it quickly
towards me
it was gone
and I was still awake
still in some place between disbelief and shock

how does one escape their nightmares
when they cross from dream to reality

he grapples with that memory
fighting to hold every detail, every shade
as the pain from his arthritic bones diverts his thoughts even more

oh...the curse of age
he took for granted every sweet morsel
every sweet moment of time given
and this is life's retribution

if given another chance
would he let her walk away
for he knows, looking back
that she was the one
that almost imperceptible,
yet obvious look when one's heart is broken
this he remembers clearly
her eyes as he turned away
relinquishing his chance at love
if he only knew then
that the excuses he trusted
were merely the voices of uncertainty

and now
in his room of fading memories
and fictional dreams
he begs for another chance
in another life

I walk alone this August morning
as the heat begins its climb
and the ocean wind
is cooling in its soft touch

manta ray jumps and flips
and splashes
bragging to me its freedom

I walk alone
this endless beach
til the sweat drips and
the skin burns
and the storms roll
in distant chaos

there was a time when I would have considered
turning back
but those days have long since vanished
into the curve
that separates the climb
from the descent

I shall not plunder
her delicate thunder
my love's true wonder
this magnificent dream

I am brought to tears
her unspoken fears
my lover's lost years
we embrace the seam

I am whole in her sorrow
we are one til tomorrow
in her eyes I will borrow
the strength not to scream

while our love swims in sadness
the world drowns in madness
we bask in the solace
of our shade

such a thin line separates us
the living from the dead
the spirit that is free
from that which is bound
I have felt your gentle touch
and heard your whispered plea
I sense your presence
across the open seas of time
are you my love from a distant past
a kinder world
a quiet life?
I have come to believe that you wait for me
there
just across the line
just beyond the fray
where spirits dwell

if given the chance to relive my days  
would I sacrifice to choose that which I left sighing in the Sun
I do not truly know if the love I chose to abandon
would have survived the years
would have burned through the days of darkness
our mornings wrapped in warmth
I shall never know
and I shall never see again
the vision of you etching your soul
on canvas
silently opening your heart to me
a moment in time beneath the Sun

fifty years have come and gone
since that fateful November day
when men of greed and fear of peace
took the chance away

removed all hope of paradise
a world serene and free of hate
divided not by war, but sea
where love directs our fate

we run and hide from truth we fear
denial is the easier pill
we laugh at those who held the truth
whose innocent blood did spill

should the Sun soon set
on our Camelot lost
when evil conquers good
they will find no mention in our history books
of the ****** in the wood

who talks to me while I sleep
in whispers and sighs that only a lover knows
warmth of touch I cannot move
floating in colors of lucid dream
I awaken to hear the words and feel the warmth
fade into the wooden floors

my conscious soul abducted
I live another life in fleeting years
the line becomes closer
my thoughts remain clear
what is dream
and what is not
where does time not exist

the waves brush steadily along the beach
while gulls glide just inches above
the Sun still hot this September morning
but I have departed and can only feel the warmth of these seven days behind me
the imprints where I walked now windswept and smooth
the road becomes shorter to home
more distant from this place I so dearly love
a piece of me stays each time I leave
these beautiful shores
these quiet days
these Outer Banks

In the silent cold of the desert night
cacti share a lonely trance
they stretch their stubby, prickly arms
the glow incites this awkward dance

they rest their ship on a vacant dune
shield their eyes from brilliant glare
the light that burns from distant moon
is more than they can bear

they have come to plant their rabid seed
that will race across the desert plane
to hunt the sleepers on which they feed
the seed now sewn, they await the rain

can i write when i'm not urged
by sentiment or pain
immersed in joy or drunk with grief
there's no relief to gain

can i sing when i'm not passioned
when words seem all the same
no crying fans to motivate me
no burning love, no flame

can i hope if there's no dream
no field of gold with neon rain
where children smile
where lassies cry
from sentiment or pain

they no longer run from me
my spirit friends
they stay when I approach
they seem curious
gliding to and fro
their orbs moving about like bright moths
playing tag
and then there's the one
who stood by the bottom stair and watched me
  
she ran last time
up to her room like a scared child
but this time she observed
this time she shows no fear

her life was taken
her tears have lingered
unseen
her cries have gone
unheard
echoing through three centuries
of grief
here in the bows of Foxcroft
here in the ageless comfort of her home
where I have found her

belittled into submission
lost in darkness
the basement of my thoughts
a busted knuckle trying to heal
forgotten tears stolen by sand
along the beach of lost dreams
and unwatched sunsets
did you forget about me

sad cliches meet here
outside the realm of hope
waiting like wolves  
to take their breath away

i'm sorry for the things i've said
i'm sorry for the words that bled
unrelenting
from your severed heart
it is a curse that i must bear
i speak without a whim or care
i think not of my love's despair
only that it will survive
for it is love

like claws they work to rip and tear
until your love
succumbs
and there
you awaken
and I can only say...
I'm sorry

will you love me when I'm dead
when all the words are put to bed
when all the painful thoughts are shed
and you can live in bliss

will you love me when I'm dead
when shadows let you sleep instead
when ghosts no longer make you dread
my malignant goodnight kiss

will you love me when I'm dead
when I cannot feed your hungry head
when all your thoughts will be spoon fed
I'll await your soul in the abyss

bitter heart infects my blood
again tonight
yet leeches continue to drink
leaving only enough to survive
so that they may replenish their thirst
tomorrow
what have i sacrificed of my humanity
this day
smiling past the truth
discarding the words i wanted to say
the thoughts that first come to mind
what deviants we have become
actors in a childish play
it is only in truth that i
find my way under the light of buried stars
allowing me this charade
it is only in truth that i see when you welcome me
beaten and lost
shallow and used
those eyes
my harbor

the darkness
always lingering on the edge
around the next stroke of midnight
in the breath catching laughter
or the smile of living
somewhere deep and not quite hidden
I am fooled again
and pulled again
as this unforseen weight takes hold
the reasons unclear
it stains my thoughts like mold on cheese
the darkness is always there
always returning
eventually

At the end of the corridor
the ceiling light had burned out
one of 6 on this floor
this made the last 10 feet extremely dark
until ones' eyes adjusted
and when the remaining light
slowly allowed her to see shapes
she noticed the still shadow
she wanted to use the stairwell at this end
as the elevator had been jumpy
and in her mind,
unsafe
she paused and considered what could make this shadow
other than her silly imagination
and as she continued to focus
the shadow became clear,
distinct
it was that of a man
tall and broad
and as she watched
he turned, ever so slightly
and began to move towards her
no window, no furniture nearby to cause this oddity
her inclination to find explanation
quickly dissolved
and fear was now the emotion that guided her
that led her to the elevator without a thought to look back
'OUT OF ORDER'
the sign screamed in large red letters
now she had to look
and there he was
in the lighted area now
the shadow standing out like black on white
and he was looking at her
no eyes, no face
but she knew he was looking at her
she ran to the other end of the 8th floor corridor
damning her insomnia along the way
opened the stairwell door and glanced ever so quickly
he was within 5 feet of the door
her scream echoed up to the 12th and down to the 1st floor lobby
loud enough for the single front desk agent to hear
followed by the sound of her body thud against the 1st floor stairwell concrete
first bouncing off several of the metal handrails on its way down
"Obvious suicide" said the first investigator on the scene to the hotel manager
"No signs of a struggle"
"But why would such a beautiful young lady like this want to take her own life?"
the manager queried
"That is not for you nor I to understand, my friend.
Only the shadows know"

when I lay beside my lover
the world below us runs for cover
the wretched cannot touch us here

faces turn in stark dismay
blood runs cold
their thoughts are gray
vacant eyes are dull with fear

they sense the light
that soon will burn
will rid our haven
of those who spurn
a world of love is drawing near
the wretched cannot touch us here

We shall build a fire
you and I
it will burn on love
illuminate the sky
when our hearts are one
we shall be set free
as the morning Sun
reveals the sea
the light of love
needs fuel to burn
most turn to embers
before Sun's return

in the glow of morning's light
I find our love still burns as bright
ignited are we
this night's endeavor
the fuel we've found
shall burn forever

when the night quiets
I await my journey
moth wings against my window
delay the return
of my lucid dream
now paused upon the lip
of consciousness
light wind creates that comforting brush
of leaf and limb
and time
because the release of all things relative
stands still
we meet
first in colors
then in movement
all the lives
all the dreams I have lived
are here
encased in the majestic realm
of the dreamer

red Sun burns the oceans
beaches left barron
save for bleached bones
of fish large and small
unable to swim deep

when the last of electricity fails
when the water is gone
we all burn in the fireless rapture
Mother has spoken
she has cleared her vines
of withered fruit

the last breath
echoes across the scorched
hauntingly void landscape
the rainclouds move in

In the absense of hope
and the onset of hopelessness
we seek intervention
in the form of divinity or
our forefathers

watching us pander away
our lives and our souls...
but are we worthy to be saved
given another chance?
will a chosen few be spared
those that have held some shred
of the human genome?

the black knight watches us
reporting to God or to those that
brought us here
on our digression

if Paradise is to survive
the cleansing is inevitable
pray

I have found her
within the chaos
within the dense, saturated cover of the human malady
she fell to me
when I had feared that the connection was lost
emotion that fires straight to what is left of our souls

funny how truth can be so clear in love
yet so distant, so muddled in life

I have found her
and she has found my heart
still beating,
my dreams
to be awakened
my hopes to be fulfilled
when carried
into the fray

I believe that fire was still a mystery
when the hunt was interrupted by the visitors
knowing that the creatures were startled by their presence
these visitors could passively drop the gold dust
into the creek from which they drank
and as expected, the dumbfounded four
with mouths agape
watched in disbelief without twitching a muscle
though it is not ascertained
that disbelief was a function of the thought
process that they were at this time
capable

it was not lost on these creatures
however,
our forefathers
that these odd newcomers were far superior
than the mastodon they were tracking with rocks

the 3 visitors gave a glance to their soon-to-be hybrid offspring
and were off
the ability to convey their experience when they returned to their caves
fell futile
there were as yet no grunts to properly describe what they had witnessed

the DNA structure leading to the ceiling
of the evolutionary scale was no longer a towering, folding beast
but rather a mere stepladder
fire was discovered
tools, arrows, weaponry
and monuments that we have yet to explain how
were constructed
while the last true human
but a young child when the visitors came
who had observed from afar
drank only from a pond that they had not touched

he passed like a story from the ancients
forgotten in time

it just appeared on the tv screen
like black bold letters on a computer
set at the largest font
there
between the two chatting faces
sitting at the table in a restaurant
upon the white wall
TOM


it just appeared
my name
and then faded away
the faces kept chatting
as I slapped myself
hoping to find that I was dreaming
but I was not
I was awake
someone had just sent me a message
a message that they were here
I could not move for several minutes
my heart raced and a cold wave
cut through me like winter wind
through a cheap coat
　
the shadows danced in a different manner
the chill I felt could not be subdued with blankets
the cracking walls and creeking floors were now alive
on this night
in this house
the haunting had begun

It's a long and winding road to get to that answer. Some friends and I had come together because we each had a free ticket to ride the roller coaster 'Across the Universe' at the new theme park 'Helter Skelter' which had just opened on my birthday. The 4 of us...Jonathan the Tax man, Richard the Egg man, Paula the Meter Maid and Georgette... (well, she does something) had just come out of the 'Magical Mystery Tour' where you take a virtual ride around the entire park in a yellow submarine, and gotten in line for the roller coaster. Who should get in line right behind us but The Beatles. They were in disguise, but the accents gave them away...not to anyone else, just us. Paula whispered to George 'Closer...let me whisper in your ear' and she let him know that we knew. To make a long story short, we spent a day in the life of The Beatles. I offered to let them drive my car to their hotel, but they said they were waiting for the van to come and take them to see a guy named Ed. We spent 10 minutes telling them how great our day was when John finally shouted; 'LOOK, you say hello and we'll say goodbye'
...and in the end it was a day to remember.
When I'm 64, I'll still remember like it was yesterday!

I'm older now
the background on the canvas
that is my life
is being filled in
a light blue
broad strokes
I love to watch the ocean
the wave moves constant
through bitter storm
and silent calm
until it ends
upon the shore
for me to witness
Ah...the great mystery
what all of mankind desperately
ultimately
and unknowingly seek
the contented soul

suddenly the tide has turned
the mystic rhythm I had learned
is flailing like a bird at sea
the shores are distant
I am lost in me

the wind is  howling like a lonely dog
they make their way through the mountain fog
fallen creatures claim their place
collecting loyals for the master race

I hear the whispers
as I awake
it is my soul
they are here to take
as long as Sun
does break the night
as long as
I shall wake to light
I will not succumb to Satan's rule
I will not become his loyal fool

the ******* the stairs saw nothing
heard nothing
no shadows
no creeking wood
no killer
words mangled
and twisted
and cut
fall out of history
silent lies
treachery
like a virus
poisons the truth
hides the light
grips the throat of all those who knew
and every breath reminds them
until their last
that they were seduced
by evil

the shattered remains of consequence
are glued together
like pieces of a broken plate
to be used again
hopefully unnoticed
are the lines
the scars
that run deep

They echo through our dreams
clear as church bells
on a crisp Sunday morning
'from that direction
where everyone is looking...
don't you see?'
smoke continues to rise
some 50 years later
from a fire still burning
of greed and hate
the bitter taste remains
the nightmare of truth
keeps it veiled in shadows and silence
hiding in the blinding light
of paradise

blood is spilled as credits run
twelve new shadows lose the Sun
cellphones off
the popcorn hot
severed souls now haunt this spot
let's change theaters
I know this scene
they break
they turn
they ****
I mean...
how many times has this been done?
the dark night rises
the scene is run
...again

I wrote your sweet name in the glistening snow
I drank too much beer and just had to go
it's your weddin' reception
and I thought Fred should know
that I nailed you last week in my 86 Volvo
Good thing I drank that 12 pack of Schlitz
cause the beer ya'll servin'
gives me the sh-ts
I know it's a tad sloppy
but if I get on my knees
I may **** icicles
cause my doodads'l freeze!
Now the world knows that the ****** did lie
will ya cross the 'T' Billy Bob?
I done ****** myself dry
Happy Honeymoon Fred and your two timin' *****
Don't forget to tell him 'bout Bubba and Frank?
Burp! ....somebody catch me!!!

Thirty-six hours passed with no rest
but I am now deep within a dream
of strange substance and color
my emotions strained and stretched
my body turned inside-out by
floating lights
this is the price paid when one denies sleep

I blink from a nightmare of glistening
silver probes
to see in my awakened state
the blank stare of almond sized black eyes
a gray
silhoetted against the vanilla ice cream colored
shades of my living room window
the contrast visible
even in this monicum of light
he leans a bit to my right as I jump into consciousness
and I know he is surprised
before sending me back

When the morning Sun brings me around
my body
head to toe
feels worn
with fever
my daily aches
routine with age
are maximized and accentuated
the gray is fresh in my mind
the first clear thought
the clarity of his presence
undeniable

A quick check
testicles intact
coffee to chase the headache
a shower to
wash away the abuse