I heard photographs show who you really are inside
And maybe that is why
You say you're ugly every time

I wish to stop feeling like I am nothing
Because feeling like I am nothing
Only leads to doing nothing
Even where there is not nothing
To do
And feeling like I am nothing
Only causes everyone else
To view me as nothing
So maybe the only way to stop feeling like nothing
Is to become nothing

He picked the flowers
Stem by stem
Put them in a jar
And gave her them

She picked the petals
Piece by piece
"Will he hurt me or will he leave?"

She took the chance of
"One more try"
Now she waits
To love or to die

Where were they
When you were crying yourself to sleep at night?
Where were they
When you were battling the demon's fight?
Now darling,
Where were they
When all was falling apart?
They all came too late
For only now
Are you in their hearts

Dark nails for a dark soul
Loud music for a loud home
Rough blood for a rough touch
Abandoned children feeling unloved

Innocence for a lack-thereof
Earthly bounds being set above

She is the girl
Sitting in the corner
Alone, afraid
Observing the happy people.
She is the girl
Buried nose deep in the book
With a ****** name
And a tragic backstory.
She is the girl
That goes home every day
And cries in her bedroom
And cries in the shower
And cries at supper
And smiles to her mother
And smiles to her father
And smiles to her friends
And wears mismatched clothes
Because she likes to express her emotions
Without pulling up her long sleeves.
She is the girl
That nobody noticed.
She is the girl
That noticed everybody.

I would open my mouth to the stars
And ask them if they could take me away,
Whisk me up in their glowing arms
And fly high and far
And never stop.
They said okay,
So I closed my eyes
And I imagined just that
And everything was alright
And everything was okay.

Writing words instead of ****** lines
Words instead of tears
Words instead of suicide
Writing words she fears

Writing words above her ****** lines
Words that smear with tears
Words that spell out suicide
Writing words she fears no more

This is for the young girl or boy
That treats that blade like a toy

He carries his earnings
Slung over his shoulder
In a bag of blackened coal

At night if you listen
He quite often talks
To a woman he used to know

"Kapi Kapi
Come back to me
Kapi Kapi
Come take me home
Kapi Kapi
Don't you neglect
To bury me in a bag
Of blackened coal"

I want to feel your calloused hands on my body
But I know
I know my mind is against it
I wish to feel your lips
Trailing tender kisses
Not to skip an inch
But I know
I know my inner self would fight it
Some days I even dream
Of the most beautiful intimate things
Yet I know
I know those are only just dreams
You, on the other hand
You make your dreams come true
Oh, yes, you certainly do
Trailing kisses through the soft skin
Of yet just another girl
Who fell to believe your harmonious sins

He literally ripped out your heart
You trusted him with all you had
He's the reason for the tears on your pillowcase
The reason for the medical pills you take

Now you feel so alone
You have lost your home
Don't know where to go
He's all you've ever known

He connected my heart to the ground
I've lost so much sleep
I stay up too late
Can't sleep past eight
I curl into a ball
And I remember it all
As I shake and I tremble
Just as I got my life assembled
He just had to go and tear me apart

As everyone is laughing
You lay down your head
All you can do is remember the things you can't forget
I wish this desk could take me, **** me in
So I'd never have to feel this pain again

It was sunny all day till I came home
I set down my bag and felt so alone
So I tore out my heart and gave the remaining to you
Well you tore them to pieces
Your love had a twist
You would keep loving me
As long as I didn't find out this
Thing that kind, maybe kinda, really bothered me
You broke my heart, we fell apart
It all happened so suddenly
The day I hid the sun

I've been up since 5:15
I met you at 6 AM
We took the car out in the dark
Just you and me and bleeding hearts

I've been crying since 7:15
We knew it'd come, but we could dream
I watched you walk away from me
And there was nothing we could do

But since 7:15
I've watched you walk away
All over again on replay

You fake a smile
Just so they won't see
You forge a laugh
So they don't hear the cries
In the dark
All those sleepless nights
Or the scars
Much more than just lines

Dead
We're all dead here
You forge a laugh
Just so they don't see
Dead
Dead am I
Oh the scars
Much more than just
Life
Comes and goes
Much more than just lines

Even demons can fly higher
Even swords leave softer wounds
She always thought her life was bitter
But she never saw it doomed

Round and round in circles
Round and round we go
Round and round in circles
Death by a suicide poem

Memory still haunts her like a semi
Endless dreams of headlights
Gravestones all around
Buried in the ground
The sound of midnight howls

You try to live the life you should
But everything just seems too good
So you end up living just like dad
Never settling, always sad

Now tell me if I did anything
Now tell me, didn't I do everything?
And tell me when I started turning blue instead of red
What's with my heart and soul and mind
They're all acting dead

You can not ever feel the same after such a tragic pain
But princess, you're a star
And all the tragic tragedies are what makes you who you are
When you walk out of a storm
Looking as if you got caught in the disaster
You still wear your smile
And that is what makes you beautifully beautiful to me

My dear, it isn't all gore and blood in the real world
Not only knives and guns hidden under the pillow
Not only crying kids
And crying moms
And whimpering dogs cause they know something's wrong
Somewhere there's happy people
And hugs for free
Don't have to bundle up to hide what's underneath
Cause darling, there's nothing under their long sleeves
I'll try to find that place
But wish me luck, cause I haven't had none
I'll be running through the backyards
Rooting for your freedom

Look out little blue bird
Don't fall apart
You're too young and fragile
To have a broken heart
Please don't sing a sad song
Don't even know one
Look out for the new bird
Two is more than one

Look out little blue bird
Look out, don't you run
Face your problems, little blue bird
Or don't have none

Lock your heart, little blue bird
Give away your love
But when they offer, blue bird
Don't take none

So look out
Where you spread your wings and fly
Don't you go too far
Leave something behind

Madeline, Madeline
Shut your eyes really tight
Come with me, its about time
I'll take you to your paradise
Come on my dear
You can fly
Madeline

She took another step
Till she was right on the ledge
Her eyes could see so far
To the heavens and back
She spread her arms like wings
And falls as if she's really flying

Madeline, Madeline
You're a blessing in disguise
Madeline, Madeline
Trust me dear, just close your eyes

Falling like a devil's trap
Madeline no longer cried
Madeline, she's going down
But Madeline says she's finally free

Come with me, take my hand
Death isn't as bad as you thought it were
More of an escape than the afterworld

Madeline, Madeline
I'm calling you, Madeline
Come with me and you'll be safe
Your scars will heal
You'll see better days

Madeline, just let go
Madeline, don't give up hope
Madeline, you can fly
Madeline, but then you'll die
Madeline, you can be free
Madeline, come with me

I want to lie down
In a sea of my own blood
I want to conquer the world
Don't want the world to conquer us

Fill the empty space where your heart is
Walk with such grace even when you're fallin'

There are kids that don't have a dad
A girl that feels too **** fat
There's a man who just lost his job
Some have gone without food to eat
There's a boy who watched his sister die
Mom's and daddy's getting into fights
There's a girl who's only hope relies
On a man who walked out of her life

So if you begin to think you got it bad

Just remember all the kids without a dad
Or the kids that make the girl feel way too fat
Just remember the man who took
His last breath of free air just trying to scavage
A meal for his daughters and wife
And the boy who wants so desperately to end his life

Monday was terrible.
Horrific.
I spent the day sulking on my lonesome and went home ready to erupt.
I could feel the slight tingle of tears threatening their way through my eyelids
Ready to pour over the second they perched open
But due to my lack of sleep last night
I doubt I could even build up the strength to open my glossy eyes
Even if I wanted to

In a weird sense
I enjoyed the mere thought of Monday being able to make me cry
I almost laughed
Or screamed
Or both

A year ago today
Everyday was a Monday to me
Everyday went horribly
Everyday made me come home crying and lock myself in my room
I was so used to that constant repetitive torture
That Monday appeared to be no different than any other day
Monday was just... It.
Tuesday was "it"
Wednesday was "it"
Thursday was "it"
Friday was "it"
Even Saturday and Sunday were "it"

But now, today
Monday is distinct
In a horrifyingly gruesome way
And this tear-jerking unsatisfying Monday gave me hope

Monday made me cry
Tuesday did not
Wednesday did not
Thursday did not
Friday did not
Not even Saturday or Sunday made me cry
Only Monday made me cry
Only Monday

Just as Monday made 7 billion other humans cry
On this torturous inescapable earth
It also made me cry

And that gave me hope that maybe I really am normal
Or I can be
Or I will be

Because Monday is unbearable for everyone
And Monday is unbearable for me
And the rest of the week is alright for most people
And it was alright for me
And Saturday and Sunday are fun for most people
And Saturday and Sunday were fun for me

Somewhere
Deep inside my clouded, muddy mind
I caught a glimpse of hope
That maybe
There is hope for me
Maybe I am cured
Maybe I can be
Maybe I will be

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote at six years old
I drew a pink heart and a blue ice cream cone
It read, "Daddy I love you, no matter how old."

I never gave it to you
Cause you were always on the road

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote in 5th grade
Written on a napkin with a blade
Daddy, I thought you were making progress

I never sent it to you
Cause I never knew your address

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote at 13
Scribbled on a picture frame
Holding you and me
Daddy, what's this torturous wave?

I never left it for you
Cause I never found your grave

Here's a letter for you
That I wrote at 18
Written on a dollar bill
I earned this evening
"Daddy, I'm doing it
I'm graduating"

I never kept it
I was crying before I could accept it

Here's a letter for you
That I'll write when the time comes
I'll stick it in between the bouquet
And let my makeup run
"Daddy, I wish you could walk with me
I think my nerves would ease"

But it'll never reach you
Unless God's feeling pleased

Once on a bed of black and gold
A small girl lay
As her father spoke of all the things she'd do someday
Her father hugged her
And she began to cry
She feared her future
She feared her life
Her father loved her
Even with tears in her eyes
And she never asked why
Because she was afraid of what the answer might be

Once on a bed of black and gold
The little girl sat in the middle of the night
Her lips trembled as her father spoke
And she could hear her mother yelling back
And she could not tell if she was more angry
Or more sad
When she awoke in the morning her father was gone
And she did not ask why
Because she was afraid of what the answer might be

Once on a bed of black and gold
The girl was touched against her will
She couldn't scream, she barely said no
But her actions showed she was struggling to get free
He stole her first kiss
But she did not cry
She was too frightened to even try
The bed became a silky red
As the evil man made her bleed
But she kind of liked the blood
So when she reached home, she made herself bleed again
But this time with a razor sharp pen
And it got to be a habit
But she never asked herself why
Because she was afraid of what the answer might be

Once on a bed of black and gold
She lay across his chest and they
Watched a scary movie
The boy got scared and he pulled her close
But the girl did not
Because she had already seen
The scariest of things
And when he broke her heart she did not ask him why
Because she knew what the answer would be

Once on a bed of black and gold
She lay in the night, wide awake
Rumors had spread, and the whole school
Made fun of her
And she cried at night
And she made herself bleed
And she remembered all the things they had said
And she finally decided to fit in with the crowd
And hate herself, too
And she never asked why they did
Because she did not want to know what the answer might be

Once on a bed of black and gold
The girl held a gun to her forehead
And mascara ran down her cheeks
And the boy that deceived her blew up her phone
And the last message he sent went a little like this,

"You need to know that you're beautiful
Its not time to go home
Please stay alive
Don't you want to know what your future holds?"

But the girl pulled the trigger anyways
And her bed turned a blood red
And she did not stay alive
Because she was frightened of what her future might be

Don't waste your eyes chasing the moon
When the sun's got ahold of you

I lay in bed and cry all day
I don't know what to say
I just thought I should say something
I just thought I should save someone

In my eyes, you can see
The prettiest girl
Laughing so happily as her dad lifts his whole world
He whispers in her ear, "I won't ever hurt you"
In my eyes, the most beautiful memory I knew

In my eyes, you can see
The most frightened girl
Shaking so violently as her dad harms his whole world
He whispers in her ear, "I didn't mean to hurt you"
In my eyes, the most scariest memory I knew

In my eyes, you can see
The saddest girl
Crying uncontrollably as her dad leaves his whole world
She whispers in his ear, "Now you've hurt me"
In my eyes, the most tragic memory

In my eyes, you can see
The loneliest girl
Breathing so heavily as she harms her own world
She whispers to herself, "I didn't mean to bleed"
In my eyes, the most painful memory

In my eyes, you can't see
The brokenhearted girl
Lying so still as she leaves this cold world
She whispers to herself, "You will stop hurting"
In my eyes, the last memory I knew

Who am I?
I am the girl who screams at the fire
"Come get me! I'm not afraid of you!"
I am the girl who bleeds to feel something
Anything
I am the girl with so many secrets bottled up inside
I am the girl who's heart has been shattered one-too-many times

I am a white horse.

Others don't see what I see
They don't know what I know
They don't feel what I feel
I am the girl that you didn't see...
That you passed in the halls everyday
I am the girl who chases her dreams
I am the girl who's not afraid
Of anything

I am a white horse

I trip, I fall...
I get knocked down
Pushed down
Beaten to the ground...
That makes me who I am today
But who is that?
Not a princess, not afraid
Not a child, I understand
Not a freak, I am my own person

I am a white horse

I think they call it suicide
When you do it knowing you're going to die
But does it count
If you have already killed my insides?

In the air, cold as you
I can only see a half of the moon
And I laugh as I realize its leaving me, too
Cause you think that'll always be there
But you come home one day and
Where?

The snowflakes remind me of you
The bracelets, the things that they do
The flowers, colored so bright
Jeans the flavor of night

I heard you say you're gonna know
I'll come back with a different glow
Even though we said goodbye
I still feel words lingering in the air
With the hope that you'll catch them out there

I guess Im writing this
Because there's really no one else
To share my feelings with
And I like to think, dad
That you're up in heaven
And its not as bad
Without us, as it is down here without you
Because you're watching me, dad
I bet you can see my every move

But dad, if you saw my every move you'd dissaprove
I'm broken, dad
And I don't know how to cope without you
And maybe, dad
If you never left
I wouldn't do the things that I had
And maybe, dad
If I hadn't done the things that I had
I wouldn't be this **** sad

Please don't touch me, sir
I know you mean no harm
No, you cant hold my hand
Or stop this car
Please don't love me, sir
I know it doesn't look hard
But when you take away my clothes
You'll see the scars

You took the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And you turned them into a damaged city
You tore away my flesh piece by piece
And I walked home alone
In a damaged city

This morning I bled for you
Then I realized I didn't have to
And I regret the scars on my arm
But I kind of deserve the harm