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Annie McLaughlin Sep 2018
11 months
that's all I could do
I tried for so long
I tried just for you

11 months clean
but today we start over
tomorrow is day one
I'm just growing older

11 months
but tonight my thighs sting
I took to them with a blade
as sharp as my ring

11 months
I kept searching for a reason not to
tonight I fought hard
but my blood was long overdue
11 months clean, but tonight I broke that streak.
Annie McLaughlin Mar 2018
they're calling
they're calling
answer them, ******

close your eyes
close your eyes
you'll be out of here soon

do it
just do it
it hurts more if you fight

lie to them
lie to them
they need to feel good

i'd erase if i could
Annie McLaughlin Mar 2018
Dear Dad,
I'm writing to you because I don't know if you love me anymore.
Well, how could you love me when you're gone?
I just mean that if you were still here,
I don't think you'd be proud of me.
I didn't get to know you well enough
To learn your views on
*** before marriage,
Underage drinking,
Self harm,
Sleeping around,
Or cursing
But from what I gathered from those less than 13 years I had with you,
I don't think you'd be proud.

I just want you to know that even if you would hate me now,
I still love you.
I'm still your little girl
I'm still me, daddy.

I hope you don't get mad if I carry your picture with me
While walking down the aisle
Because you always told me how you couldn't wait
To walk with me.
I hope you don't get mad
If I post a picture of you
Every year or so
Just saying that I miss you.
Because I do, I really do.
I hope you don't get mad that I still talk about you, and cry about you.
I hope you don't get mad that I pretend that you would accept me if you were here.

Even if you don't like me now,
I love you.
Annie McLaughlin Jan 2018
We were once just kids
With big hopes and big dreams and freckled faces in summer streams
We were once just kids
Making out on your bedroom floor, with no idea of what was to come anymore
We were once just kids
That skipped school to spend more time together and huddled up in the colder weather
We were once just kids
That snuck out past curfew so that we could dance in the rain, and that was our virtue
We were once just kids
That rode bikes around town and helped each other up whenever one of us would fall down
We were once just kids
But we are no longer, that's clear
From the day that you left, you told me "Our life starts here"
We were once just kids
But now you're a man in a uniform
And I'm his soon-to-be wife
With just our memories to keep me warm
We are no longer kids
You have our country to serve for now,
And I have letters every night to send out
We are no longer kids
And we have cares and we have worries and we have things to complain about
But we still have each other and that's the one thing that ever counts
We were once just kids
But now we're grown and our life began
And I'm still hopelessly in love with you,
My United States Airman.
We've watched each other grow, and we still continue to do so. I could not be more proud of him... My Airman.
Annie McLaughlin Nov 2017
Her hair became darker and her thoughts became wild
And her heart became heavy and her dreams became mild
Her lips became softer and her eyes became sorrowed
And her hands became beaten and her love became borrowed
Annie McLaughlin Jun 2017
I relapsed
it happened so fast
and now there's blood on my favorite hoodie
and I don't know why I'm so sad
I ******* relapsed
and my best friend hugged me silently because she saw the scars on my arm
she didn't say a word because she thinks it's not her place
but all I want to do is cry or scream in someone's face
and now I'm looking at my arm just before I fall asleep
and I keep thinking to myself

that looks really bad
that looks really bad
that looks really bad

it feels like no one understands me
I have nowhere to run
I've started pushing people out
I've started denying any fun
this is getting scary
how did this come on?
I relapsed, baby
really quick and really much
there's some blood drops on the floor
but if ever someone asks
I will say

Well, I don't know where it came from
but that looks really bad
that looks really bad
*that looks really bad
I'm hurting so ******* bad right now... Just a week ago I was fine... And now I have too many scars on my arm to count and I'm always sad and I don't know why. My mind is screaming for help but my tongue refuses to ask
Annie McLaughlin Jun 2017
I slipped up.
I slit cuts.
I didn't mean to.
I drew blood.

I read online
When I was probably just 14 or 15 years old
That most people don't stop until their 20's
And it scared me
But I thought
"No, I'll stop right now"

But I didn't.
I couldn't.

I slipped up.
I slit cuts.
I didn't mean to.
I drew blood.

And now that I'm older
It hurts more to try to hide it
And now that I have people that care about me
Often times they don't understand why this part of my life is still relevant
And all I can say to make them understand is

I slipped up.
I slit cuts.
I just had to.
I drew blood.
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