I am not fragile
I am not a porcelain doll
Or a baby bird
I am not something to be wrapped in cotton wool
He broke me. I built myself up
They tried. I endured. Only cracking
She tried. She failed.
By the time you met me
I am more glue and duct tape
Whisky and ink
And grim resolve
Than I am person.  
I am not fragile.
I have survived.
I will continue to do so.
No.
I am not fragile.

I love you
Happy words
Unless, they preced
The dreaded, but
Or feared, however
Both can shatter a heart
And I'm sorry.
Because
I love you, but
There it is
The rest of what I have to say
Is white noise
As your mind processes
That word
But
Still, I will continue
I love you, but I cannot
I cannot do this on my own
I cannot keep hoping for a word from you
Sit here wondering
Pondering
I am slowly accepting
You're here but not
So maybe
When you come back
If you do
I'll be here, but gone, too
Moving, or moved on
From you

It's in cloudy lemonade
In a cheap candy cane
In the kiss of a lover
Or an early morning smile
In a goodbye kiss
It's in the pouring rain
And pounding hearts
Gasping , grabbing greedy breaths
In long drives
Songs sung
Out of time to the radio
In time with each other
In simple things
Pizza and long talks
A bottle of some thing cheap
Kisses that taste wine-sweet
And the places you meet
Life, itself
Made sweet

I am a philosopher
Of folly
An astronomer
Of stars I dream
Into the sky
A painter, in the colours
Of existence
I am a dreamer
Dreaming into the void
I am human

Camus asked, his question
A cup of coffee
Or death?
Because life has no meaning
So the absurdists said
These actions are equal
They mean as much as you decide
So why choose death
I guess its saying
It's no more or less
Than life

So every day
When I wake
If I'm feeling, like i normally do
I have a cup of coffee
Because coffee burns
It is bitter
Truthfully though
It's over quicker
Than a noose
And why
Should I
Die?

When the universe
Will not
Cry
For me
Another insignificant
Human life
To fork no lightning
And to vainly
Oh so vainly
Rage, as Thomas said
Against the dying of the light

So instead
I strive
To be free of my darkness
And to live free
Live a life so meaningless
Yet filled with beauty
This I will do.

I used to disagree
With Frost
I believed that ice would be our end
But you have kindled me
Heap of ashes that i am
And now. I know
Because I feel desire
That my world will end
In fire
Because my world ends
With you.

From my garden
On a Saturday night
I can hear, the shouts
Of the young, and free, and happy
Despite the rain, pouring, from our sky
They laugh, and shout, and cry
Happy, in being
Happy, in life
This, is why
I love
Humanity

I am desperate
For a change
An excitement
Anything new
If I could drive
I would go
Take all my money
Leave home
Driving for days
Sleep in my car
Or cheap hotels
Somewhere far, away
I would destroy myself
For my own freedom
I would crumble
With each step
As long as it takes me
Away

I often stare off, into space
Like I'm thinking, intensely
But I'm just musing
On the concept
Of, me
The genetic flaws
Chromosomes
That make my body
My home
This vessel
To contain, my essence
The childhood impressions
That shaped
And changed, my essence
Into what, it is today
And I think
Of containment
I am an essence
Thus contained
Inside this body of mine
And this body, is contained
In these four walls
Most of all, I am
Contained, held, constrained
By my lack of belief
In my own infinity

I am lost, in reverie
Staring out, at an
Empty town square
Thinking, of the sea
The crashing waves
They could fall here
And wash, little, away
There is little, to be missed
Little, to bar the way

I was stumbling
Suddenly, a light
I saw you
And for the first time
In an eternity
I thought
I might just be alright

I want, to run away
Come take me
We'll live
On kisses, and cigarettes, and gin
On Jack and coke
And the heat of one another
We'll wear down our soles
And build up our souls
We'll drive all through the night
To make love at sunrise
And I will dismiss
All the books and the songs
That taught me to love
They got it all wrong
I'll see you're not perfect
You'll see all my flaws
But we'll work it all out
Love each other more

So I'll get the train
To wherever you're at
And we'll start our journey
We'll never look back
It won't be easy
It might even hurt
But it's worth it i swear
We can own the world
Leave our bootprint
And a memory too
On all of the places
I'll now share with you
When we get old
We'll look back with a laugh
Life offered a sip
Darling, we drained the **** glass
So let's get started, I'm on my way
And we'll only look back, when we're far away

A madness of touch
Skin, on skin
Lips, on every inch of you
Devouring you
Looking at you
Awe, undisguised
No mask or falsehood, I wear
In all my fumbling uncertainty
I am led, by my own passion
The heat of you beneath me
The taste of you on my tongue
I want to press closer
Make up for all the time before
This moment, every moment
My skin and yours were not
In contact, concert
Our movements, a dance
Our mingled moans, a song
It feels like we're birds
Denied to sing, until this moment
And I never want our little, finite
Infinity, to end

With every beat
My fingers keep
Pace, with my
Restless heart
For fear, of how
You'll react
Will you stutter and start?
For I have outpoured words
While tapping fingers
Keep their pace
With my restless heart

I would look even if it burns my eyes. Unlike the sun, you can grow brighter. You are smouldering coals. But darling, some day you'll be a blazing fire. And I've always wanted a funeral pyre.

Since, it seems
I have to live
Because I made a promise
I will learn, to swim
I will ride a bike
And play piano
I will do, all the things
I thought, or hoped
I'd never have time to do

I love you
So I wrote this
Because I need
To move, swiftly on

You, my best friend
Will soon be gone
It will be so empty
You are, I feel, a part of me

And yet, too much
I love you
To feel bitter
That you go

Until then, I will
But hold you tighter
Drink in your smile
Make memories, with you

I shall miss you, dearly
My first love, my best friend
I will come visit, till then
Adieu

I have, no words
I may not feel truly alive
But medically, I live
My uncle, he does not
He is gone, and so
I, have no words
There are none
For he is gone
What can I say?
Naught, but wish him
On his way

Trending
Is like a funeral
A final hurrah
Born, obscure
Existence
Then, a final blaze
The congregation
Over a corpse
To wish well
And eat free food
Or in this case
To be read
By strangers, but once
And then again
Fade into obscurity

I am giving up
I will not get up tomorrow
Until, I have to go
To work
I will not eat breakfast
I will simply, go
I will not come home
When I finish
I will go, and sit
I will read, and write
Until I am told
I will not speak
Until I am asked
I will not eat
Unless I am ordered
I will go, to my room
I will not try
I will not bother
I am giving up

My mind
Afire
My soul
Afire
Every part of me
Filled with desire
For every part of you

I have always wanted, to go
To university
Since, I was eleven
And fresh faced with possibility
I need to learn, to know
So there is no other place
For me
I have clung to this
When I have had, nothing
I will not give up
On university

We sat on your bed
My arm around you
Other hand resting, on your leg
I laughed, and when
I looked at you
I smiled
You may wonder
Why?
Why I put my arm around you
Or smiled so
You may wonder
Though, you know
I am in love with you
It is because, I know
That we, will never be
And soon, you will leave
I am trying, desperately
For something, to hold on to
Something more, than memory, of you
So I put my arm around you

Look up! Look up!
From your phone screen
Or staring at your feet
Look up! Look up!
Claw!
Scratch!
Look up! Look up!
Break!
Destroy!
Look up! Look up!
Destroy, whatever it may be
That which keeps your head bowed
Look up! Look up!

I love her, she not me
This much, I accept
But now, how?
How can I move on
Almost a decade
Through every failed love
I've been okay
Because I never gave my all
Because some of me was hers
Eight years of hope
Dashed, in a moment
What to do?
How, to move
To move on
From you

Break, break
My walls
They fall
I will cease to hide
So that I may heal
She, is here
All will be well

I am in need
I am in need, of a heartbeat
Of flesh to touch
Lips to kiss
The fire of a life
To feel like
I plunge my head
Into the lake of eternity
And grasp, for each
Falling leaf, of maybe
And could have been
I will run, and seek
But not, find purpose
Because, in my heart
I know, that our time
Is worthless
But still, I will
Pick fruits of this
The universe
And swim in cosmic streams
As I trip, and fall, down
Stairs, of unknown depth
A sea, of staring faces

Watching, with an eagerness
My folly, my descent
I get up, and wander
Through the known
Unknown, and absurd
This place, this state
Abstract, and lone
This is the closest
I am come
To church, or faith
For whom, having seen
Even a piece, of this
Cosmic finite
Void, this insanity
Could put his trust
In anything beyond
The end, a void
Only a fool
And I am a fool
But not one
So disillusioned

Eight years, I have loved you
Since both we, were children
Not some fast burning flame
But the warmth of a coffee cup
Or an arm, around your shoulder
I never said a word
I dared hope, only in silence
A year ago, I kissed you
And like brittle clay, I broke
I told you of my feelings
And of my secret hope
You did not feel the same
But said you knew, for a long time
And yet I love you still
Shamefully, in secret
Like my love is a crime

My life, my existence
Has become
Cigarettes, ***, indigo ink
Wishing, to make it
Through the day
And wishing I had
The guts to die
I hope, secretly
For a stranger
A human shaped hurricane
Someone new
Who doesn't know my history
Someone to set me free
My perfect, imperfect
Stranger
Wherever can you be?

When I am dead, reclaim me
When I am dead, our earth
Though it will be mine, no more
Will reclaim me
It will have my body
Like hyenas, upon my empty carcass
Or crows, on battle fields
I shall cease to be
My body will be of the earth
Because in these, once, the vessels of our opinion and our prejudice
Are things, that allow
For one more day
One infinitesimal second
They allow, the earth, to limp on
Existing, decaying
For one day longer

I've half a bottle of cider
In my bedroom at home
I'll drink it, when I go back
I'll write some more
Then doubtless, switch it up, to ***
It tastes like ****
But it's a hit
And the closest I'll get to a gun
Twice as lethal, thrice as slow
It is my remedy
For all of those evil thoughts
And no one loving me
It seems, when I am drinking
My brain shuts the **** up
It lets me write
It lets me dream
And I've not thrown my guts up

Human existence is a detritus of emotion and we seek to immortalise that. I see the beauty in scratching your name into a ruined castle. So something of you remains. Scars remain but kisses don't. I would write my name on big bens face to be the man who did.

Live each day knowing you may die. Drink, eat, spend. Enjoy life with the sole goal of pleasure. Go out like a firework. Whether you illuminate the world for others or catch them in the blaze it doesn't matter.

My skin looks old, i feel it in my bones
I am growing weary, can you hear me
Can you give my eyes the gleam, can you help me sleep and dream
Can you bring back smiles, memories playing over to laughter
Instead of remembering every self inflicted disaster
My mind grows weary of constant fights, i just want to sleep at night
I've seen, too many times, the sun dancing with the moon at midnight
The way the moon glances at the night, gets me every time
Even the dark has someone, like the day has the sun
When i ask where is mine they say, your life has just begun
But if this is youth where is the fun, has it gone already
Is it time to grow up, has summer flown by
I am soon to the grave

You are not a diamond
Not something to be locked in a case
Stared at
You are not a diamond
You are a rock, you are stability
You are bricks and mortar
I would build a home with you
You are not a diamond, hard and cold
You are breakfast in the morning
Kisses before falling asleep
You are not a diamond
Not some shiny stone
You do not reflect light
You emit it, you are the sun with a smile
A star that laughs
You are not a diamond

It is with heavy heart that I should wish such passion gone
To have my heart see that she is not the one
I know that how I feel, is but a bright burning candle
Soon to burn out
And well that it should too
For my mind is all afire with the ecstatic pain of you
I wax poetical because I cannot speak a simple truth
I know and am painfully aware
That the knowledge of such passions on my part
Would drive you from my company
And remove me from your good graces and graceful heart

I tore off my wings
When I fell, for you
And to this day
I do not envy birds

I have a phone call tomorrow
To talk about my depression
They'll ask me questions
With clinical precision
While I'm just trying
Not to throw my phone
I'll do my best
But its terrifying
It'll be one less hour of silence
Sixty minutes closer to the void
I'm hoping, like ****, they can
Fix me up
I want to start living again

I sip my coffee
I keep looking up
When you're looking away
Over the rim of my cup

I know, outside of here
We're strangers, you told me
But I guess, I just enjoy
My illusions

I know you're not important
Nothing really is
But I still think you're beautiful
That much, I gotta admit

I finish my coffee
I'm leaving, sneaking one last look your way
I guess I'm done hurting myself for now
I'll see you, some, other day

I love, my boots
They are my freedom
Jet black, fit like a glove
Bulletproof
I like their security
Knowing, any day
I can put them on
And go
If I walked, till they wore out
I'd be worlds away from here
In my boots, I could
Kick all my bullies, to the floor
And walk away, comfortably
Freedom
Security
Independence
Yes, I love my boots

Hook up culture
Cheap cider
He has a car
That's the decider
A year or less
Down the line
You're nine months along
He's doing time
But you tell yourself
We're doing fine
Now you're wishing
You'd finished school
Instead of smoking
And acting 'cool'
Read this, think on it well
You have, one life, one story
Make it one, you want to tell

A cigarette with a stranger
A just missed bus
The wrong number texted
A Facebook comment thread
This is modern romance
Who said romance is dead?

I would take, a damaged love
Over this endless solitude
A passion, it burns to touch
Rather than a silent room
I would take, and would return
With a fierceness
With fire's burn
A violent delight
Like Shakespeare's fire and powder
Which as they kiss, consume
Rather than my comfortable, silent
Tomb

I saw the long green grass, mown down
It fell, lifeless and dead
And I wished, how I wished
I were the grass, instead
The grass has never, hurt a man
Or made a person cry
I have done both these things, and more
It is I who should die

This pain, this ache
Within my chest
It hurts me, I wish, I could rest
I would take, for any price
A moment's peace, a restful night

Coffee cups and ink stained hands
Half finished thoughts, part written papers
Aching, craving, sentiment
A purple book, so innocent
Chronicling an atrophy
Of soul