I've been smoke free two months today.
I haven't smoked and I hope that's how things will stay.
Please don't start smoking, it wasn't a good thing for me to do.
Please say no to nicotine because that is what is best for you.

I ******* hate
That I have to quit smoking.
I'm not a quitter.

Smoking fills the gaps in time
Between teenage self-awareness and
And sleep of any kind.  
I crave to feel the smoke inside
Slowly eating at my pride.
I don’t want to live as long as you
And watch the world divide.

It’s what I do when you are mad
It’s what I do to **** the pain
At least when my hands are doing this
I forget your cold disdain.

At this point, it’s pure economics.
I don’t want to stop
I love the power of choice, even if that choice
Is poor.  
But you can’t pull your weight without me,
So smoking, nevermore.

I feel a burning in my chest
as I inhale the carbon monoxide
Romanticizing smoking
is ******* overdone
But I'm guilty of it
So I'm quitting
Monday
I have 4 cigarettes
to get me through tomorrow
and then I'm done
Or, at least I hope I'm done

you’re my cigarette
small and fragile
so demanding
but i would walk through blizzards for you
leave all my friends for just a taste of you
i thought i could quit whenever i wanted
but you held me tight on your leash made of smoke
and i left far too late
because i’m still addicted to you.

If it kills you, it kills you. Something someday definitely will. But until it does, until it gets so hard that breathing in and out seems impossible, that the thought of waking up keeps you from sleeping at night, that the thought of not being able to sleep another night gets so heavy that you'd rather drown yourself than try to swim across the **** ocean that everyone else is swimming in, maybe a little closer to the shore, maybe a little further to the other side, you better live and make sure that it's worth the death that you've been dreading for so long!

EXPECTATIONS, what are expectations?
It was a 12-letter word that I’ve set as a standard
Where anything way below, acceptance is just too hard
It was the moment I kept myself away from freedom,
Freedom of doing what I want to do
Freedom of not having fun to what I love.

Am I still the person who is willing to win this battle?

Now that I think of it,
Your opinion affects my system as it greatly matters.
I lose self-reliance because our belief prominently differs
Your words direct my capacity into incapability

I lost myself,
I lost my long-term built confidence, just so yours be followed.
I believed I never made the right choice,
The moment your opinion kept the majority’s mind closed.
I was never person I ought to be.
I was blinded by the pressure you form inside me
Letting me consider I wasn’t doing enough,
Luring me into what our society want,
Persuading me that in all things that I do, I can’t.
No, I am not a loser but. . .
I’m tired.
Set by high expectations
Labelled by your opinions
and
Filled by Pressure
Can I survive this battle?
These three just consumed my positivity.
All I have wasn’t enough,
my fighting spirit reached its limit,
I think I’ll be losing the battle.
I think I need to quit.
I quit.

I quit reaching your expectations
I quit on becoming a puppet of your opinion
I quit being a slave of pressure.
I’ll quit just so I could win this battle.

I’ll stand on my own standards and expectations
I’ll do what I think is best for me even though failure would arrive and teach me a lesson
Societal standards are up but I’ll set my own
I’ll be the queen of my freedom, where positivity overflows and life continuously goes on

Your opinion may somewhat matter
But you can’t have the compass to my journey of becoming stronger
I’ll be learning to eliminate
Just for my self-choices could dominate
I’ll turn pressure into power,
Power to survive, power to become better
I will win this battle.
No more expectations,
No insignificant opinion
No more peer-pressure to stop this motion.
No more stops just rest.
Victory is in me, all I have was the best.
I am a quitter on quitting.

Nothing I do matters
I toil and toil away
But nothing I do matters

I am forever replaceable
Forever flawed
Forever scrutinized by society

I melt, fill a different mold
Yet the scrutiny continues  
I melt again  
Scrutiny persists  

How many more times should I melt?
Fill a different mold
Before I surrender
To the unforgiving scrutiny?