All those nights we spent.
Watching movies and shows.
Sometimes just straight up skits.
I cherish them all.

Your smile.
Your laugh.
The way you make me feel.
Is unexplainable.

You leave me breathless.
It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment.
That I fell in love with you.

Maybe it started when we first spoke?
Your funny jokes, the stories you'd tell.
Or perhaps it was recently?
Because whenever you speak my heart pounds.

It's almost suffocating.
It's kind of masochistic.
How you make my heart burn and ache.
Yet I never wish for it to stop.

I lay awake at night.
Watching the shooting stars.
I wish for your safety, your happiness.
All of the above.

Maybe when I wish upon a star.
You can feel my love.
I hope that with every wish I make.
My love becomes more apparent.

I know, that across all timelines.
Across all universes.
My love for you will never falter.
You, to me, are the embodiment of hope.

The embodiment of everything good.

This poem was a little cheesy.
I'd apologise but my words are sincere.
There's still a weight pressed onto me.
So I'd let to let it out.

Thank you for all the laughs.
All the love you've given me.
The only thing I have to ask.
Is will you go out with me?

Red.
All I see is red.
My heart pounds, I can hear it clearly.
There's a fuzzy dark figure in the red mist.

The rope around my neck tightens.
My ring finger hurts.

You caress my face.
You're smiling at me.

The red is slowly fading.
Your face becomes clearer.
I don't recognise you.
But I love you.

I see red drip down your neck.
I feel liquid seep from my neck onto my chest.
We are one and the same.
The chords around us.

Red string.
All around.

Twisting around our necks.
Our fingers connected.
Your blue eyes contrast the red.
I can feel myself breathing a bit easier.

I can feel your warmth.
There's no mistaking what we are.

Intertwined.

In this day and age.
We're all pressured to write something original.

But with every piece of art in this world.
Every single thing being written.

We're inspired by different things.
Isn't everything fan-fiction?

An iris hid within a chrysanthemum.
Loyal, faithful and loving.

Hiding within their thick petals, letting not many people peek inside.
But those special flowers, special leaves and plants that look inside, are never the same.

They see a glistening, golden world.
A world full of hope and love.

When a flower is planted, it's planted with care.
Whether it grows with care is undetermined.

However, you can make a flower's life better by watering, talking and letting them breathe.
Flowers do so much for us, we should repay them.

A world full of greenery, full of plants and leaves.
A world without flowers, until I met you.

A splash of colour from your petals.
Painting a wall with your golden syrup.

I'm glad I chose to leave my dull world behind.
And befriend such a lively and lovely person.

The day you were planted is a blessed day.
And I hope I can make everyday that you live, a little more better.

As much as you've done for me.
Happy birthday.

I stand tall, smiling manically through a TV screen.
Static amidst the broadcast, what a wonderful scene.

Turn up the volume, I'm showing the death of a nation.
Stand up and yell, dance in formation.

I open my third eye, I can see it all.
Turn around and around, everyone will fall.

They watch with their eyes glued.
No matter what they do, they're all *******.

They sway two and fro.
A telecast promoting vertigo.

I raise a blade to my throat and sing a chorus.
Black chords all around like liquorice.

They stare hypnotised at the television show.
I cut my throat and blood starts to flow.

I open my third eye, I can see it all.
Turn around and around, everyone will fall.

The screen cuts to static. A washed out town.
For a mere moment, I was their king. I wore a crown.

I lay on the floor of the studio, bleeding out.
I hurt them all, my mind has no doubts.

But I smile and laugh, coughing up red.
Those ******* won't forget the things they said.

Red.
I'm hot-headed, and I rush into things.
I'm strategic and tough.
Yet, this is all a mere coverup for the scars of my past.

Blue.
You're cool, suave and charismatic.
You're a good aim and goofy.
Yet, I can tell you're hurting deep inside.

Why won't you let me hold you?
Let us kiss under a sparkling twilight.
Then, our two worlds can collide.
And we can become a lilac sky.

You're no good for me,
sweet like ice cream,
but just as cold.

You're only good for a week,
'cause all milk sours,
so I take you while you're good,
then I throw you out.

I can't even eat custard,
because it reminds me of you,
and my stomach starts to ache.

I should've known,
with just a taste,
that you're no good,
but I got selfish.

But never again,
you won't fool me,
I'm not that naïve.

'Cause first you're sweet,
then you're sour.

Our love collided on a warm Summer's night.
I can't really describe it, but it just felt right.
I know we're just strangers but whenever we kiss.
I fall deeper and deeper into your abyss.

Your heart pounds, giving me headaches.
Falling in love always ends in heartbreak.
Your skin is warm when I touch you.
Do you love me the same way I do?

Your crystal eyes, breaking into my soul.
Whenever you're near, I want to take you whole.
If you could just tell me those three words.
My heart would light up, echoing songs from bluebirds.

Between your two legs is such a treat.
Whenever I touch you, my heart starts to beat.
Your moans like an angel's sultry lullaby.
Then your legs shake and you begin to cry.

Cuddling beneath a milky twilight.
Your head on my chest until daylight.
You take the cigar right out of my hand.
You hold it between your teeth, the sight is quite grand.

Your hands rubbing all over my chest.
Whenever I'm with you, I feel the best.
Your smile causing my heart to pound.
Your whispers like gospel to me, I adore the sound.

Your pleasured screams echo through my mind.
I wake up with our fingers intertwined.
You smile at me beneath glistening stars.
I trace every one of your scars.

You cry every night now.
I remember writing my vows.
I'm sorry, my darling, for what I have done.
You'll forever be my only loved one.

You grasp onto my hand with such intensity.
Your tears soaking into me.
I love you, I really do.
I'd give up my life just to talk to you.

I liked it best when you would hear my voice.
But, it's not like we both have a choice.
You constantly weep all over my sheets.
Even so, my heart still beats.

All these things I wish to say.
You promise that it'll be okay.
I love the warmth I get when you are near.
But I promise, it's okay now, you can let me go, dear.

Dark sky amidst the night.
There are remains of a glittering twilight.

Sobbing can be heard behind the door.
They won't tell me what they're crying for.

But I care about them, with all my heart.
Cutting yourself isn't some art.

You feel as though you have no friends.
Except for the blade that cuts your skin.
I know where you've been.
Hurting yourself won't help cleanse.

I know it's hard, I've been there before.
But it's okay, put the razor in the drawer.

You are beautiful, believe in yourself.
Keep the pill bottles right on the shelf.

If you pull them off one by one.
What happens to you cannot be undone.

Just hold on one more day.
Listen to what I have to say.

I may not know your name.
But put that knife down and come over here.
I can tell you, I've felt the same.
It's okay now, you're safe now. I love you, my dear.

You.
The sole reason for my suffering.
I hate you.

To look into the darkness,
and only find you,
is disgusting.

Nothing has hurt me like you.
I'd create a war.
Just to get rid of you.

But as I look back,
you treated me kindly,
am I the one to blame?

Thinking.
For a person such as me.
To be given a second chance.

It must be a joke!
But I see now,
oh, so clearly.

I wasn't looking in,
I was looking out,
and he was looking in.

The darkness was I.
I love you.

Beneath murky, bloodied water, it beats.
The lonesome heart of a saint.
With every beat, the still water ripples.
Agonising.

Lips like cherry wine.
Porcelain, icy, skin.

Will you remember the taste of my lips?
Will you remember my hands when he touches you?

Will he caress you the way that I did?
Will he care for you more than I did?

I breathe beneath the ***** water.
Heartbeats slowing down, almost inaudible.
When suddenly, the beating stops.
The water stops.

My fingers prune and my chest throbs.
It's cold.

You place your hand on top of mine.
I press the piano keys, this makes nine.

Your voice lulls a love song.
How nostalgic. It's been so long.

Life is a road I'm walking on.
Love is a river I'm floating on.

Your lips against my ear as you caress each key.
Each sound makes my body shake, my soul's being set free.

Your touch is warm and suffocating.
Every time you're here I just keep waiting.

Waiting for something to happen.
Maybe a journey, I need to strap in.

Life is a road I'm walking on.
Love is a river I'm floating on.

Your kiss is electric, it drives me wild.
Your touch on the keys is less than mild.

Tunes and songs you play to me.
When I hear them I'm filled with glee.

You finish the song and open my heart.
This is our story, but it's just the start.

Baby, you’re one of a kind.
Your eyes light up my dim night skies.
The way you blow into that flute.
Hypnotic melodies.

Your magic blooming like flowers in Spring.
Causing even the dead to dance.
Everyone is left captivated.
They’d all like a piece of you.

Darling, your mind captures brilliance.
The kind no other has witnessed.
You’re a piece of art.
One of a kind.

Even with cold flesh.
Your smile imprinted onto the Earth.
Wishing this moment could last forever.
A masterpiece dug into the dirt.

And on your grave, I plant these flowers.
You’ll be sent to Heaven, baby.
Where your flame will rise.
And your high will never get low.

Have you ever wondered what it's like to **** someone?
I have.

I imagined it being an exhilarating experience.
One I will never forget.

Of course, you have to make sure you do it properly.
You don't want to get caught, do you?

I remember her watery, crystal eyes.
Her violet wrists and ankles.

The way her hair stood up when I touched her.
The way she winced whenever my cool blade touched her.

Was she panicking?
Probably.

I remember her gasps for air.
Her hoarse, croaky voice.

One stab.
A velvet sea laid out in front of me.

Two stabs.
Red, glittery hands.

Three stabs.
It's getter harder to see.

Four stabs.
I fall down.

I smear the blood on the wall.
As if it were a cry for help.

I wanted to do this so badly.
Why am I now regretting it?

Guilt swarms my body.
My head aches.

Have you ever wanted to **** somebody?
Because I have.

Today's the day I ****** a blade into my stomach.
A crimson waterfall.

My final words are yours to read.
On this ****** sheet of paper.

Today's the day I shivered with a blade to my wrist.
Hesitation, but the urge to die.

My final words are yours to read.
On this creme coloured wall in red writing.

Today's the day I
died.

With arms bound, and wrists blue.
I will always creep to you.

With a muzzle, like a dog.
I always treat you like a god.

Licking at your feet.
Gnawing at your meat.

You go in,  four fingers deep.
Your love what I yearn to keep.

When bound to you.
I feel so brand new.

Please hide me away.
Your bed is where I lay.

Legs stretching on silk.
As I swallow up your milk.

I need more.
I get down on fours.

You kick me down into the dirt.
It hurts whenever you insert.

Yet it’s your body I desire.
Moans in sync like a choir.

I can feel your heat deep inside me.
Nails on your back, digging with glee.

I fall asleep amongst the chain.
I wake up with the muzzle again.

Your polaroids came in the mail today.
At first, I didn't know what to say.
Your body makes me hot and bothered.
You act as if you want me tortured.

I set the photos ablaze.
Never again. I'll forget those days.
I'll forget when you touched me, and kissed me all over.
I'll forget the time you picked me a four-leaf clover.

More polaroids you sent to me.
I didn't want to say it, but I'm filled with glee.
But I won't forget what you did in the past.
If I wanted these photos, I would've just asked.

I set the photos ablaze.
Never again. I'll forget those days.
I'll forget when we flirted, and you would get flattered.
I'll forget when you said I was the only thing that mattered.

Why do you post them every single week?
But I couldn't help but give them a peek.
Your body sets my ***** on fire.
Your voice sounds like an angel's choir.

I leave the photos on my desk.
A small part of me doesn't want to forget.
What we did, what happened, all you've done to me.
I thought that I was safe, that I had been set free.

Today I touched myself, looking at you.
It's your fault, you know? You cause all the crazy things I do.
Your thighs always call my name.
That's why it's you to blame.

Why did you send the photos?
When I saw them I completely froze.
Did you want to **** with my mind?
The past is the past, leave it behind.

You're naked in every single one of these.
Although arousing, they fill me with unease.
I don't know what you want from me.
What the **** do you want us to be?

We ended years ago, the past is the past.
I need to get out, I need to fast.
Your face is everywhere I go.
This is all your fault, you already know.

Why do you wish to torment me?
Why can't you leave me be?
Yet I always come running back.
Maybe it's because you're a snack.

You're unhealthy and bad for me.
But you're tasty and don't cost a fee.
Maybe it isn't so bad.
Maybe I'm a little glad.

I hate the photos that you send.
I hate the fact we were never even friends.
But if you ever stop loving me, I'll break.
Everything you do, causes me to ache.

What the **** is this?
I constantly melt into your kiss.
What the **** do you want us to be?
I don't even remember who I am anymore.

Everywhere I go.
I get foul looks.
Looks of pity.
None I care for.

"His parents..."
"He's gay?"
Yes.
Yes.

I sit at the television.
Flipping through channels.
The broadcasts.
The audience.

The bruises that mark my skin.
"******* loser."
"Not even going to fight back?"
Are a reminder of my trauma.

I'm friends with the colorbars on the television.
The red, yellow, green and blue.
The black, white and grey hues.
The static that seems to scream my name.

I am left with a single rose.
I don't know where it came from.
Or where it goes.
But it's my rose.

I can't take the beatings any longer.
I'm sorry to her, my best friend through this all.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't do anything.

I engrave my skin.
Line by line.
Until three deep strokes mark my wrist.
I feel dizzy but don't sleep.

She asks me where I've been.
I hide my wrists and smile at her.
She looks at the bruises on my face.
She angrily frowns.

I'm sorry to her, my best friend through it all.
It's just too hard.
I can't hold on.
So I leave you my rose.

The flower beside your bed.
The bright red rose that stained everything.
Crimson gushes from my wrists, from my neck.
It tastes metallic.

I'm happy now.
I smear it all over the TV screen.
Now I can become one with my friends.
Come on, play with me.

Everybody has told me,
that I'm too thick,
that I'm too heavy,
and not good enough.

They told me,
that I'm disgusting,
revolting,
and annoying.

But, recently I've learned,
that nobody is perfect,
and everybody's ideal,
isn't the same as somebody else's.

I think perfection is an idea,
one we have fabricated,
'cause we can't handle,
the fact that we're disliked.

You can't please everyone,
that's what I've learned,
so I'll forgive you.
'Cause I'm an imperfectly perfect person.

Pick it up.
The pieces of your heart,
that shattered long ago.

The dreams that seemed dead.
The lost and forgotten ones.
That never had a chance.

Pick it up.
The memories you discarded,
that you left to rot.

The ones with trauma.
The ones with love.
Put them together again.

Pick it up.
The hope that you lost,
that you thought was gone.

The determination.
The soul.
The strength.

'Cause healing starts now.

Scream.
I.
Scream.

My throat hurts.
But the scream was soft.
My pillow holds all my screams.
So they can never escape.

I feel better.

Cry.
I.
Cry.

My eyes burn.
But my eyes won't water anymore.
My pillow holds all my tears.
So they can never escape.

I feel better.

I go to punch my pillow.
I need to vent.
Let it out.
Out.

Bleed.
I.
Bleed.

My knuckles are bruised.
The kid in front of me is crying.
Where is my pillow?
Where am I?

I feel awful.

Scream.
I.
Scream.

But this time.
Everyone can hear.
My pained cries echo the streets.
I can't hold it in anymore.

Blood trickles down my throat.
My eyes are red and puffy.
My knuckles are ****** from punching the pavement.
I can't stop.

I keep crying.
I keep screaming.
I keep punching.
I keep doing it.

Breathe.
I.
Breathe.

I can finally breathe.
After all this time.
I finally realised.
My pillow was suffocating me.

Picking at my skin,
making me bleed,
scent of flesh,
melting with the rouge.

Stuffing up my chest,
with a knife to my skin,
playing doctor one-on-one,
******* in my breath.

Am I pretty enough?
Are my thoughts pure enough?
Am I desirable enough?
Obedient enough?

Overemotional,
heart too big for my body,
keeps leaking out.
It's better with my mouth shut.

I'll gloss my lips,
twisting up my insides,
I'll become all that you want,
until only a shell remains.

An angel cloaked in black.
A crystalised sinner.

But I watch over a pure being.
Someone who can't be dirtied.
Not by filth or other humans.
A completely clean entity.

I wish for revenge against God.
The cruel God who abandoned me.
Who reinforced rules.
That only help him in the end.

So I combine my filthy soul.
With a clean vessel.
Me and the purity.
We become one.

A sinner cloaked in black.
A venomous angel.

You have me running in circles.
Maybe if we were more verbal.
This would all work out.

I love when our lips collide.
I hope one day you can be my bride.
Hand-in-hand all night.

We make love under a milky twilight.
I leave you covered in lilac-coloured lovebites.
Only with you, am I such a mess.

I braid your hair in the morning.
When I do your makeup you always give me a warning.
You're all over the place and I love it.

I connect your freckles like constellations.
I will love you no matter what the location.
Your kiss is pure and cleansing.

You run your fingers all over my chest.
I wake up every morning feeling blessed.
You're my medication, babe.

But we fight.
Every night.
This won't work out.

I thought we were meant to be.
But I can see the person you love is not me.
It hurts to admit.

So kiss me one last time.
Breaking my heart is your only crime.
I'm better off without you.

I cry but it's okay.
My world won't fade to grey.
'Cause love comes back in unexpected ways.

Some days, it's hard to get out of bed.
You wonder "Why bother."
Nobody loves you.
There are so many thoughts in your head.

But, what I'm about to say is true.
There's a whole world waiting for you.
You're needed whether you believe it or not.
Just hold on one more day.

You're gorgeous.
You're capable.

I may not even know your name.
But I can tell you, I've felt the same.
You feel as if you have no friends.
Except for the metal that runs across your skin.

I know that you're better than this.
You're worth more than this.
So pick yourself up off the ground.
You can begin again.

You're gorgeous.
You're capable.

You can believe in yourself.
Even when nobody else is there.
Because if you go.
My heart would shatter.

You are stronger than them.
Prove them wrong.
Rise up.
You are capable of this.

You're gorgeous.
You're capable.

I promise you this.

All the things you said.
Echo through my head.

Repeating, repeating.
Hurting my head.

Everything you do.
Rings through my skull.

Repeating, repeating.
Churning my brain.

You live in my head.
Something parasitic.

Repeating, repeating.
Let me tear you out.

Repeating, repeating.
Get out of my head.

Repeating, repeating.
Let me out.

Please let me out.
Please.

It hurts.

Your voice.
The way you smile.
You sing.
I love it all.

I bow down to you, my queen.
I'll do anything you ask of me.
I tenderly kiss your hand.
Because I am your mere knight.

Your laugh.
The way you dance.
You see.
I love it all.

I'd lay down my life for you, my queen.
I'll do anything you ask of me.
I'd die just to feed your smile.
Because I am your mere knight.

Your love.
The way you hug me.
You kiss me.
I love it all.

But I know, my queen.
If I died for you.
You'd mourn and weep.
You wouldn't be the same.

Because even if I live to serve you.
You live off my affection.
My love for you.
So don't cry, my queen.

I'll love you until death do us part.

When you're cloaked in darkness.
I'll be your lighthouse.
I'll wrap you up tight.
Give you the light.

I always thought constellations were a bit overrated.
Seeing pictures out of stars?
How delusional.
However, that has changed.

The shivering human in my grasp.
The kisses, "I love you"s you give to me.
They're all real.
I can hardly believe it.

I always looked at you.
I knew I needed you.
But I was scared.
I didn't want to hurt you.

I didn't want to engulf you in the black mass inside me.
But the sadness goes away whenever you're here.
So I started needing you more.
Wanting you more.

It was a pounding feeling in my chest.
Made it hard to breathe without you near.
I was scared of being hurt.
But I loved you ever since way back when.

Now when I look at the sky, I can smile.
Because my world is just a tiny constellation.
And you're the biggest star.
Making my world a little brighter.

And I know, when I'm cloaked in the darkness.
You'll rise up above all else.
You'll be my lighthouse.
And let me in.

I've seen the gates of Heaven.
Pure.
White.
Gates.

Angels are beautiful creatures, aren't they?
They fill some with lust, desire...
They fill me with something nobody else could give.
Love.

I knew when our eyes connected.
You were something special.
You have my glass heart in your hands.
Please don't let it go.

I've been hurt by angels before.
They've taken my heart, handled it with care.
Then smashed it using all their force.
It's taken forever to pick up the pieces.

But by the way you touch me.
Kiss me and tell me I'm pretty.
I can tell you're different.
I can tell you're heavenly.

Black circles under crimson eyes.
Pale, porcelain skin.
Large white wings.
The heart of a saint.

You sink your fingers into my heart.
Squishing and spreading it around.
You dig your own heart from your flesh.
Bloodied fingertips connecting love.

With two hearts together.
You smile at me.
I am certain now.
You can teach me to love again.

I remember your cool hands on my flesh.
I remember the outside air, the clouds, how fresh.
When you touch me you send shivers down my spine.
I love how you look when you drink white wine.

Your throat moving up and down.
My body heats up and my heart pounds.
Your eyes pierce into me so deep.
Sometimes I forget *** is so cheap.

The way you pleasure me makes my head spin.
I love how your cool hands feel on my skin.
You opened your legs, your heart to me.
I've been considering dropping to one knee.

But when I saw you on him.
I never knew love could be so grim.
He's thrusting his hips. He's deep down inside you.
I can't believe you loved him and I never even had a clue.

You moan in delight.
You never did that during our nights.
I wonder how you two met.
My chest feels tight and I start to sweat.

You opened your legs, your heart to me.
I had considered dropping to one knee.
I throw the ring into the gutter.
You will never again, make my heart flutter.

Even as I say that I must admit.
Now that you're gone, my wrists are slit.
I can still hear your voice in the back of my mind.
I never knew love could be so blind.

The sky is bright blue.
Mesmerising.

The air is fresh and clean.
Beautiful.

This could all be a dream, but, it seems it's not.
As his nightmares have become his dreams.

Though, the pleasant picture fades to black, never to be seen again.

Cold, moist wind, blowing in all directions.
Horrible.

Blackness stained under fingernails.
Putrid.

He battered his tiny fist to feel something.
Just to feel something.
His stomach painted violet.

The bathtub filled to the brim with lukewarm water.
His fingers prune immediately.
His tears like rain in the tub.

Sinking his head down, wishing to be reborn.
A glass child, breaking at the seams.

Dancing in the rain.
With your coat drooping off me.

You smile at me.
And it shines like the moon.

Counting the steps we take.
Every minute feels like an hour.

Your hand in mine.
Makes my whole body warm.

I wish this evening could last forever.
With your lips interlocked with mine.

Poking at the fat on my thighs.
Laughing at all our quirks the whole day.

Binging movies and sharing drinks.
Playing with your hair during a thunderstorm.

Even though the world is cold.
You warm me up.

So I curl up with your wet coat.
And dream of that night again.

I want to be friends with everyone.
Is that selfish of me?

Why yes, it certainly is.
You're a very selfish little girl.

I want everyone to like me.
Is that wrong of me?

It's human nature to want to be liked.
However, wanting everyone to like you is quite selfish.

I want everyone to be happy.
Is that bad?

For everyone to be happy, you'd have to remove their egos.
Do you really want to mess with everyone so they become lifeless?

No! Of course not.
I just want to be good.

You want friends.
You want to be cared about.

I do.
Is that so wrong of me to want?

Certainly.
You're an extremely selfish girl.

But, people say they like me.
Is that a problem?

It feels good, doesn't it?
You feel warm and tingly.

I want more friends.
I want to be wanted.

It's unfortunate none of your friends actually cherish you.
You know that, yes?

Shut up.
Be quiet.

You're selfish.
You only think of yourself.

That's not true!
Shut up!

You only want to feel good.
You don't care about anyone else.

PLEASE BE QUIET.
I DON'T WANT THIS NOISE.

*Why?
Aren't you the one saying these things, anyway?

Some days I feel like,
nobody wants me,
nobody needs me.

Some days I feel like,
I don't matter,
nobody cares.

But every day I wake up,
I do my tasks,
I live on.

I'm scared that something will change,
I'm scared that by living on,
I'll witness something I shouldn't.

I cry.
I love.
And I wake up again.

Doing the same thing,
every single day,
maybe something will change.

If I just do it,
one more time,
maybe I'll find reason today.

What's the difference between an angel and a devil?

Both have powers and are worshipped.
Both have powers unthinkable to mankind.

Both can look illegally beautiful.
Both can have wings.

When you think about it,
Lucifer was just a fallen angel.

Perhaps every "demon" or every "devil."
Is just an angel in disguise.

They didn't want to live constricted.
They lived in a cage that God had built.

Even the scariest demons have some light.
So look inside yourself.

Find redemption.

I can feel my heart beat through my chest.
Engulfed with the loneliness inside.
I peer around, looking everywhere.
Where have you gone?

I play hide-and-seek.
With the demons in my mind.
They hide in the crooks and crannies.
Being impossible to find.

Let’s play tag.
One, two, three, go!

I caught my nostalgia.
Then my trauma.
They merge together.
Forming blacked out memories.

****** up memories.
I’d longed to forget.
It’s a bittersweet feeling.
Leaving a sour aftertaste.

They bound my wrists.
Unable to flee.

With two options in front of me.
I pick the easiest.
To drink the toxic drink.
To forget about them again.

With one swift gulp.
The memories faded.
Back in the darkness.
Back in the solitude.

I remember singing song lyrics in the back of my Mustang.
Your blue eyes glistened in the moonlight as we both sang.
It was something like an old Elvis Presley love song.
Laughter and love swarming the air as we drove along.

I parked the car on the edge of a cliff.
I leaned in and gave your perfume a sniff.
A floral, seductive scent.
The time driving was well spent.

She opened her thighs.
It was quite a surprise.
But I smiled gently and let myself inside.
Her moans echoing through the night.
My, my, it was quite the sight.

She clung to me, whispering sweet nothings.
This was the only night I could give her some loving.

Because when I wake up, I know she won't be there.
I'll curl up and cry, wallowing in despair.

So, please, my darling, give me this one night.
I'll cover your neck, with rose-coloured love-bites.
Taking your shirt with me.
So when I smell it, I'll be filled with glee.

Please, let me love you.
You were always more than just someone to *****.
Although, I know this is a one-night-stand.
Falling in love wasn't something I'd planned.

So let me kiss you, and touch you tonight.
Our lips connecting under a sparkling twilight.
Your smooth hands, all over my skin.
I honestly don't care where else they've been.

By morning you'll be gone.
And without you, I'll have to live on.

Every day I wake, will be a hellish nightmare.
Because everything is Hell when you're not there.

Looking at the sky, I'll remember your eyes.
Don't worry, I'll die, so you'll never have to cry.

My life is meaningless without you near.
So please, just tonight, let me love you, my dear.

Another day in bed.
My pillow dry with tears.

You're waiting for another breakdown.
Another plea for help.

You crave me.
You want to corrupt my mind so that I will only be yours.

What hurts, even more, is how much it works.
How much I can't run away from you.

I could leave your apartment.
The door is so close.

Yet, after I cry you just shove your hands down my pants.
We get busy after that.

You make me weak.
You make me vulnerable.

You use me when I am out of strength.
To fulfil your selfish desires.

"Come here, I'll make you feel better."
My thighs are always bruised.

I expected long conversations underneath a sparkly sky.
I expected cuddles and reassurance that everything was alright.

What I got was a torn *****, bloodied bedsheets.
Bruised ankles and red eyes.

I never told you "No."
Because if I did, how would you react?

I didn't tell you this.
But I'm late.

It hasn't come in a month and I got worried.
I spit up blood more than twice a week.

How can I tell you?
You'll ask me to get rid of it.

Yet you keep pushing me.
My limits are breaking.

You're going to hurt them, stop thrusting.
It hurts.

Stop.

A dull world.
Lit only by the coins, the bling of the masters.

Every action I do hurts me.
But there's nothing I can do to stop the pain.

I could end my life.
End the torment.

But even if I did that.
It's just bailing out of a battle.

I want to try to survive.
So I can go down with pride.

No matter how many times I am used.
Stripped, cut or burned.

I will get back up again.
I am scarred but still standing.

Everything leaves marks.
I'll make mine battle wounds.

Blaring sirens and flashing lights.

Make it hard to concentrate.

On the traintrack.

There are multiple paths.

I must decide which I go down today.

Tomorrow, again and again.

The road is covered in a thin layer of rain.

Making it slippery.

A dangerous ‘venture.

The horns blare louder.

The lights blur my vision.

If I can’t take a path.

I should make one on my own.

The train is coming.

The end is in sight.

And I jump down onto the tracks.

22 tablets I've swallowed.
Only I knew what followed.

22 insults I've been given.
I promised myself I wouldn't give in.

22 lies to cover my scars.
I connect the dots like the stories of the stars.

22 arguments I've been in.
Whenever they're over I plaster on a grin.

22 gashes across my skin.
I'm dizzy now. My head starts to spin.

22 droplets of blood on the floor.
They look a little lonely, how about some more?

22 people who lied and deceived me.
To open my heart, you'd need the key.

22 bruises, marking my body.
I can't look in the mirror, I appear gaudy.

22 poems, left unread.
I'll be thinking of that as I lay on my deathbed.

22 stabs to end my life.
I smile and brandish my knife.

Why do cats hate rabbits?
Why do they decapitate and lick their heads?
What did the rabbit do?
Cats are mean, I hate them.

Why are rabbits so cute?
They're fluffy and full of life.
The way they eat makes my heart flutter.
Rabbits are nice, I love them.

My schoolyard pal, a snow-white rabbit.
Decapitated in the corner of its cage.
A lonesome black cat, licking its head.
What a horrendous sight.

I never liked cats.
They make my heart ache.
My only friend was taken away.
Why are cats so mean?

You're like me.
We're one and the same.

You can be the moon, I'll be your sun.
When we eclipse we will rule this land.

Take my hand, let us become one.
We shall consume this universe.

Let us watch these puny humans from the stars.
Nobody will ever hurt us, or touch us again.

We have the power to mould this world into whatever we like.
A world with peace, and without filth.

Or maybe just devour the world.
And start it again, brand new.

Hand-in-hand, I find my strength.
My other half.

The Venus to my Mars.
The Eve to my Adam.

We can control these failures under our wrath.
Our reign shall last an eternity.

I will no longer let you be humiliated in a horrific reality.
Take my hand, let us ascend.

Static screens, calling my name.
Disfigured frames of my bedroom.
Morphed audio, taunting me.
Red velvet, soft sheets.

Downing more medicine.
It helps with the voices.
The screens still shake.
Audio still plays.

Secret messages, binary within screens.
Static, glitching televisions.
Unsettling 70s chimes.
Warm water, overflowing bath.

Downing more medicine.
It helps with the voices.
Messages swarming in my mind.
Songs stuck in my head.

Human eyes, staring at me through screens.
Human lips, moving at me through screens.
They're talking, I can hear them.
Their voice is glitched and edited.

Downing more medicine.
It helps with the voices.
I can't hear anything anymore.
I can't see.

                                                           ­  I can't breathe.

What does it mean to be good?
What does it mean to be human?
My body may be an abomination.
But my heart is as pure as a saint.

You can't say all humans are good.
Because you know they aren't.
You can't say all demons are bad.
Because you haven't met them all.

I never asked for this power.
The power to **** with just a flinch.
I used my power for good.
I protected those who needed protection.

But if you look a certain way.
You're classified as bad.
Everyone calls demons monsters.
Because they don't understand them.

But I think.
The cruellest monsters.
That still breathe today.
Wander around Earth.

Wherever you are,
I'll always be by your side.
I'll always hear your voice.
I'll make sure you never will cry.

Wherever you are,
I'll love you unconditionally.
I promise you this.
Sealed with a kiss.

Wherever you are,
I'll make sure you're alright.
I'll always sing you lullabies.
I'll make sure you smile every night.

Wherever you are,
I'll carry your problems on my shoulders.
I'll always make you smile.
Especially when you walk down that aisle.

Wherever you are,
I'll never say goodbye.
I'll make sure you're safe.
I'll cuddle you all the time.

Wherever you are,
I'll make an oath.
To love you forever.
Our love will never sever.

Photos beyond photos.
Pictures of my heart.
Exposing my insides.
Everything I live for.

You left me rose.

I take pictures and make sure to smile.
I'm popular, now.
Is it because you're not around?
It's colder without you.

It was stupid to fall for someone I can't have.
You don't like me like that, I know.
But I still can't let you go.
I water that rose, every single night.

Did I tell you? I got a boyfriend.
He's popular, and I don't really like him.
It's okay, I guess.
He likes my photos.

He plays with my hair and makes me smile.
He smiles in the photos I take.
Okay, so it might be good.
But I still miss you.

I don't know about the scandal between your parents.
Your personality.
I'm sorry you had to go through it all.
I would've helped if I could've.

My photos start to blur.
The rose is wilting.
This guilt is eating me up.
But my boyfriend is here, right?

Hey, today he hit me.
It hurt y'know!
If you were here you could've helped.
I'm sorry.

He started smoking.
I don't really like the smoke.
It's not good for the rose, either.
Still missing you.

He burnt my photos today.
I'm getting a bit scared.
But he loves me, it's okay.
The rose is looking better.

Where did you even get this rose?
Why did you give it to me?
Is it really important?
Thank you, I suppose.

He put his cigarette out on me.
I cried today.
He loves me.
Why is he hurting me?

He won't stop.
The rose is getting sicker.
No matter how much I water it.
Help me.

The rose looks like ash.
I'm not too much better, to be fair.
All my photos are gone.
I leave you these notes.

I stilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

I hate you.
I hate everything that you do.
I hate your smile and your starry eyes.
I hate when I'm with you, time just flies.

I hate how you're never here.
I hate how you always seem to disappear.
I hate your toothy grin.
I hate when I'm with you my head starts to spin.

I hate how you yell and smash bottles all night.
I hate when I wake up covered in love-bites.
I hate how you tease me and tell me you love me.
I hate when you can't calm down and it takes more than just a plea.

I hate how you're violent and stay up for hours.
I hate when you kiss me and cuddle me during showers.
I hate when we play board games and I'd always win.
I hate how you're covered head-to-toe in sin.

I hate when you touch me and my heart starts to pound.
I hate when we dance and you spin me right round.
I hate when you laugh and tickle my ears.
I hate the fact that it's been like this for years.

I hate when you hit me and tell me you're sorry.
I hate when you do it the next day without a single worry.
I hate when we kiss and it makes me feel alive.
I hate when our love dies and it suddenly revives.

I hate you with every fibre of my being.
I hate when you pretend to care about my wellbeing.
But most of all I hate myself.
I hate how I take your love right off of the shelf.

I hate how I love kissing you.
I hate how I love everything you do.
I hate when you hit me and choke me and bruise me.
But I hate the fact that I can't even flee.

I love you, I do.
I really, really love you.
I know I'm dying, slowly but surely.
But I promise, 'till my last dying breath, that I will love you purely.

A tall, elegant wallflower.
Her orchid eyes tell a million tales.
An expressionless face.
A contagious smile.

She's easily flushed, and often hides away.
I love when she talks, her voice is melodic.
Her laugh causes my heart to ache.
Her small hands cradling a book.

Everything about her makes my heart pound.
The curving of her lips.
The way she blinks.
Her methodical way of thought.

I love it all.
She's a little messed up, but that's alright.
I help her as much as I can.
She's scarred, and in pain, but that's okay.

She opened up, little by little.
Making me proud, and a little flustered.
When she brandishes her knife, I feel a sense of fright.
But I know that everything will be okay.

She's timid, polite and talks quietly.
I'm patient with her, she means the world to me.
Whenever we touch, my face turns red.
But it's okay, because hers does too.